You tell yourself to slow down. You know rushing doesn’t feel good.

But somehow you’re still filling every spare minute, still leaving late, still carrying that tension into your mornings. You even catch the moment where you could start getting ready a bit earlier. And instead, you do one more thing.

I took myself through a real coaching session after noticing how much stress I’ve been holding and how often I’ve been rushing through simple, everyday moments.

Not because I don’t know what to do. But because something underneath it has been driving the pattern the whole time.

We get into the belief that makes stillness feel uncomfortable and productivity feel safer, even when it’s the very thing creating the stress. And why slowing down feels harder than it should, even when you want it.

If you’re aware of your patterns but still find yourself doing the opposite of what you want, this will hit.

Work with me:

1. Breakthrough Intensive - You already know you should slow down, delegate more, stop overcommitting & be emotionally present. So why can't you? That's what we figure out in 90 minutes + integration call 2 weeks later. Book your Breakthrough
2. Exhale: Private Coaching - For women ready to do this work until it sticks and you can't revert back. 3 open spots: Work with me

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Welcome back to Beyond Awareness. Yesterday, I took myself through my very own coaching session on how I've been saying that I want to reduce my stress levels. And I've been saying that a lot. And also how I want to not be so late all the time to like everything in my life, but I'm not actually doing it. And this podcast replicates my coaching style, which is

First, meeting you where you're currently at, like your current level of awareness, which I believe is high. You are very well aware of what you want, what you don't want, what you think you should be doing, which is also me in this situation. And in this case, I'm super aware of my goals and that I'm not following through on them. And so this session that you're about to hear is me

journaling through and having the awareness and belief awareness as well and Bridging that gap to actually doing something about it that resonates and not just Masking it because I've been telling myself for years like oh to reduce stress do this But I haven't been so let's back up a bit and first I want to tell you my goal my goal is

that I want to reduce my stress levels. And it's because I think that's important, you need a why. And it's because I'm starting to feel it impact my body. The best way that I can describe it without going into too much detail is I just feel like a vibration of nerves almost in my body, particularly my hands, even when I'm not.

Feeling physically stressed, but I just feel like my body I've known since September My body has felt like my new routine is Stressful, it's taking a toll and I think internally is just like come on Sam You've to start doing something about it and so my goal is to Slow down in the moment and this was the awareness that I had yesterday morning in order to reduce my stress

In the moment, I want to start, like even right now, I'm slowing down how I'm talking, my pace. I also was telling my sister this yesterday, and I was texting her like a mad woman. And I was like, why are my fingers moving so fast? As if like, there's gonna be a bomb that explodes if I don't send this in 10 seconds. Like slow down, Sam. Like text calmly.

Even right before I was recording this, was plugging in my laptop to charge and I was untangling the cord like so fast. And so I'm just catching myself in the moment, just literally yesterday and today. I'm actively intentionally trying to catch myself when I'm feeling like, why am I rushing this? Why is this feeling so like, like tension almost in daily activities? And when I was thinking of like, okay, that's an

easy thing. That doesn't mean like meditate every day, which I am trying to do at nighttime, or journal more frequently, which I am also trying to do. But it's just that's so easy because it's in the moment. But when I was thinking of that, that's when it popped in of, I also want to try to not be so late all of the time. Because when I was thinking about slowing down, slowing down with texting, slowing down with speaking, slowing down with putting the

into the wall socket. I was thinking, wow, if I did that, that could also mean that I could give myself more time to get ready in the morning. I wouldn't be rushing. I was trying to think of all the times of my, mostly my morning, that I'm rushing, that doesn't feel good, and how good it would feel to calmly

go about those moments. And so just a couple examples of how else I thought of this, there's always a point in my morning, always, where I think I could get dressed right now, or I could start getting ready to leave, like get in the car, or if I want to curl my hair that day, I could start curling my hair, but then I would get to the school.

way too early or then I would get be dressed and be ready before Griffin needs to start getting dressed way too early. And then I'd end up waiting and getting involved in something else and then being late and I would and then that's how I end up rushing because I end up waiting. So I'm like I hit that point where I'm like I could start now but then I'm like nope too soon because then I'm gonna be way too early to whatever it is that I'm doing.

And so I'm like, let me just instead do a little bit of work or do some dishes or fold some laundry. Just kidding, I don't really fold laundry. Or I don't know, scroll my phone and then I'm like, ⁓ crap, I missed that time. Now I'm rushing, now I'm gonna be late. And so that's what I specifically want to work on is in the morning. And then also going to pick up my son. And I think that this will ripple into

next year where I'll hopefully be early to school for drop-off, even pick up. especially with drop-off, Griffin still ⁓ has a hard time leaving me. And so I'm thinking if we can just have some more calm moments in the car instead of this like mad rush that would be super anxiety driven for him and probably for me, then that would be nice, right?

And I could also leave earlier and start my day earlier. And I'd be early for pickup and all of that stuff. But as I was going through all of that in journaling about it, I realized that there was like some fear coming up for me about that wasted time. And I immediately questioned why. Why is it so bad to be early?

Why do I not want to be early? I kind of pictured myself like if I got someplace early, what's so wrong about that? Why am I afraid of that buffer time? That's what I kept thinking of it as. Like why am I afraid of just sitting there that in between time? And also what came up for me as I was journaling through this is what does that mean I'm giving up? And that's when I realized that

I don't want to be early because then that means for me there's extra time that I could have used for something productive. And I know that that's common because I've had clients tell me that in the past. And when they've told me that, I'm like, yeah, I get it. But just me journaling through this particularly, was like, now I feel it. I just don't get it. This is that moment for me. This is what I was explaining of.

I could have done the dishes or hopped in the shower or I don't know, curled my hair or something like that, checked some emails. And so that buffer time, I rush around to be productive and get more done. And that feels better. That feels safer than having extra time where I'm sitting in the car or extra time where I'm just waiting.

that feels safer to me or it used to. And I wanted to dig into it because that's great, but that's just kind of the surface level of the next level of awareness. We go a little bit deeper in my coaching and I realized that there's two sides to it. First, it felt safe for me to optimize and like every second and just to be productive.

to over getting places early because not doing those things felt like I was gonna have to do them anyways. They're still gonna be on my to-do list, so why not squeeze them in now instead of waiting to do them later and getting them to pile up, right? So if I have a few spare minutes now, I'll just push getting ready or putting on my shoes or encouraging Griffin to get ready.

a little bit later and let me respond to this email. That's what it was. So I questioned, well, if I didn't do those things, what would happen? And then I questioned, but was I? Was I always doing the dishes later? Was I doing the laundry later, the checking the emails later, curling my hair later, like whatever those tasks were that I was trying to be productive in the moment, is that true? Like was I doing it later? Did...

they stay on my to-do list. And some of them, yes, some of them, no. I jot it down, yes, to some, some of them, but they fit into my workday. And I realized that it was always supposed to be part of my workday, not when I was trying to do it earlier. things like checking my email. That was always supposed to be a part of my workday, not...

at in the morning. And in the morning, it felt like, ooh, I can get ahead. But also, if I just step back, that caused extra anxiety and rushing and all these negative feelings, where if I instead could have just used those maybe couple of moments to breathe and answered emails later, that feels relaxing. That feels calm to do work at work.

and save that 8.30 time slot to get dressed, to take action, or to breathe. And then some of the other items that I used to be productive when I could have started getting ready to be early, I wrote actually, no, I didn't do them later because it wasn't important or it wasn't a priority, like curling my hair. Oftentimes that was a goal in the morning.

that I never ended up doing because I actually didn't want to curl my hair or laundry. I think I should do laundry, but then I don't do it later. Another reason I said no is because it was stemming from impulsive inspiration in the morning, not grounded action. In the morning, this used to happen all the time when I was doing beach body coaching. In the morning, I would do my workout and journaling and all that stuff, like my morning routine.

And then it would be time to get Griffin up. This was when he slept in. And I was like, you know what? Let me just do a quick post because I'm feeling good. I'm feeling inspired. And then that post would take me like 30 minutes to take my sweaty selfie, but then come up with the caption and then post it. ⁓ you know, choose the music or do a real, my gosh, that would take even longer, but then share it to my stories, all of this stuff. And it fell.

like inspiration. But taking a step back, it actually wasn't. It was anxiety. It was me thinking, ⁓ I should do this now to get it off my list, to check it off, say it's done. And also the fear of if I don't do it now, I'm going to forget about it. I'm not going to have this same idea. And it was just more fear-based. And then I also jotted down, rarely, if ever.

Did I end the day thinking, if only I got that thing done in those five to 15 minutes earlier? Like, whatever it is that I do when I should be getting ready in the morning, when I want to be getting ready in the morning, and I'm filling it with whatever it is that I fill that time with, I never think later on that that was benefit, like it never leaves a mark on my day.

And if I don't do that thing, I'm never like, man, I really should have done that earlier. Okay, so that's the first thing. And then the second aspect to it is I started picturing myself and I pictured myself waiting in that car at pickup with extra buffer time or at drop off in the morning.

because again, mornings is that time that I mostly feel rushed. And my aura ring says that my stress spikes, not when I'm in the car, because Griffin and I have a 25 minute commute right now, which is actually lovely. Like we have our little chats, but right before we get in the car when it's like, come on, shoes on, jacket, all that, my stress spikes. And so,

It's clearly not good for me. I feel it. Like I can literally feel my heart racing. That's where, again, I'm feeling the stress physically lately. But anyways, I'm picturing myself not having that stress, leaving way earlier. I kind of like made it bigger than it is. And I pictured myself with that buffer time and thought, what would I be doing instead? And at first, it's kind of what I already covered of I was like, I would be wasting my time.

I'd be scrolling and I'd be not productive, but I wanted to go deeper and I thought, and I also thought I should have brought my laptop. That was first. But then again, I wanted to go deeper and I thought, why can't I just rest in that time? Why can't I be mindful in that time? Specifically, what feels so unsafe about arriving somewhere early and waiting?

Or arriving to school or an appointment early and spending extra time with my son or on our own or in a waiting room or wherever it is. Like, what feels unsafe about that? When I picture that, it felt like stress at first. Like, I need to rush to try to get there early. Like, hurry up and slow down.

You know that quote? That's what it felt like at first. It was almost like, okay, well now the goal is to get there early. Now the goal is, all right, well now I have to leave at this time, so now I have to rush. But then I realized I've already identified that I could start getting ready and leaving sooner. Like there's already that trigger moment every morning that I've been ignoring. I've been ignoring that inclination out of the belief.

that productivity outweighs stillness. So it's not, the goal is not get there early. And I think that's probably another realization as I'm saying this, that's been where I've been going wrong. My goal to reduce stress and to start getting places on time, I've in the past just flipped it. I said, okay, get there early. And it hasn't worked because I've never addressed it.

the root belief and that inclination that I've been ignoring, that productivity outweighs stillness. It's that stillness that feels so unsafe. And so then I questioned to myself, what does stillness feel like to me? And at first, of course, unproductive. This is why it's so helpful to either

have someone question you and just sit with you through it, but also just giving yourself a little bit more time to ask yourself questions. Because as you can see, I always default to the tangible and surface level answer. And then underneath it is the root of it. Underneath it is like the juicy stuff.

So what stillness felt like to me is unproductive, right? I'm not doing the things, I should be doing stuff. And we could go down that rabbit hole of like, where did I learn that from? I learned it from my parents. They were always busy bees. They still are, they keep themselves busy. When I picture my mom, she's always fluttering around, being productive, doing work. My dad too, and he's an entrepreneur. So I've seen it my whole life.

Okay, but I stayed with that question. said, okay, what else does it feel like? And I was surprised to truly feel in my bones that stillness felt supportive. And I pictured a scale, like one of those balance scales. And when our lives are so busy and we're so productive, one side,

of that balance scale is always heavier than the other. So it's outbalanced. And I just got this visual of how stillness adds weight to the opposite side. Stillness is what levels us out and keeps us at an equilibrium internally. It's what helps us not become so overstimulated. It's what helps support

cortisol levels and support digestion which helps us feel better and be more active with our kids like there's such a positive ripple effect of stillness and Stillness is also something that I've learned from my mom. So even though she's a busy bee I have also seen her stop throughout the day and meditate and take that time for herself and I've realized that I've been choosing to lean into the

unproductive belief that stillness is unproductive. I've been choosing to lean into the beliefs that it's better to be productive than to have free time and that stillness means you're unproductive. So even though I've been saying for years and even setting New Year's resolutions around wanting to be early or even on time to places, those are the two beliefs.

that have been keeping me consistently two to 10 minutes late to nearly everything. Meetings, appointments, school drop-offs. And honestly, sometimes even 20 minutes late if it's something to like a family event because, you know, we take advantage of family members sometimes. We're like, they'll understand. And also when I was writing through that, I got this...

Realization, I just have so many realizations when I'm strategic journaling that I've kind of mastered the stillness at home. Not in the mornings like we've been talking about, but I've mastered stillness as in presence with my son and I've been able to like put other things like work out of my mind or even at work I've put my son out of my mind, you know, for the most part. I'm able to be present in what I'm doing.

in so many other areas of my life except this one. And so it's, have practice with this. I've just never applied it to this very specific goal of getting ready on time, like when my actual alarm goes off to get ready, which I'll talk about in a second. ⁓ So now I just have to start practicing it. And so next steps.

What do I do with all of this, right? So a lot of what I talk about is identifying, like bringing awareness to your awareness and then uncovering the root beliefs beneath it. And that alone is so important because now you're like, ⁓ this is why all those solutions haven't worked. And sometimes that alone is all you need. And then other times,

there's a lot more that you need. And I also love to end with actionable, tangible steps, not just, wow, that was really helpful because just the beliefs sometimes just feel good. And so these are my next steps. This is what I'm doing. I can't just start believing the opposite. When we are talking about those beliefs that I have underneath it all,

That's what a lot of people do with affirmations. They just choose the opposite of their current belief. Or like we talked about with the goal, they choose the opposite of what their behavior was. You're not on time. ⁓ the goal is to start being on time or early. Or with affirmations, they say things like, I am abundant or I am worthy of being a millionaire. These big statements and it feels either too big that we can't relate to it.

Or it just feels totally false to your nervous system. And so it doesn't stick. Nothing changes. Nothing happens. And it might feel fun and good to say those things. It might feel cool to visualize yourself as the millionaire or visualize yourself on time to things, but you're not moving differently. And so what I do and the work that I do with myself and my clients

is first, it's three things I jotted down. Number one, I need to create safety in stillness. And already, I can prove to myself that I've experienced less overstimulation when I'm still. And this goes back to what I just shared of how I'm more present when I'm still. I'm calmer. And I've already had that transformation inside my home.

but it stops as soon as it's time to get ready and I have to leave to go somewhere. And so now I just want to take that proof and test it outside my home. And I also need to consciously choose that it feels safe. In fact, I wrote down extra safe and comfy cozy to not be productive. That stillness

is that extra safe. Stillness is comfy cozy more than productivity every minute. And that buffer time is what is safer than right up until the clock. Step number two is utilizing that proof. I need to create that new belief that lands in my system.

my nervous system, that like I feel it. And this is where it's different for everyone. And it needs to feel good for you and hit home for you in this season. So I just took a little bit of time yesterday to think, well, for me, with my goal and what I just uncovered, what hits, especially with the proof that I have. And I jot it down, stillness amplifies my success.

and stillness strengthens my relationships and my intuition. So those are two kind of mantras or affirmations or beliefs. Those are the beliefs that I want to literally rewire into my brain. And I'm utilizing that proof, which kind of goes into step three, but that proof inspired my new beliefs. And I...

I to share this. was telling my sister Gretchen about a client session that I have once, and she was like, wow, it sounds so cool that you're able to help people to come up with a new belief. But do you help them with how to actually believe it so that it's not just an affirmation and something that they forget? And I loved that question. And I am happy that she challenged me on that because, A, yes, it is something that I do.

But B, that's something that happens so often with people who want to heal. It's like they get motivated and inspired and they have this new affirmation or belief that they want and then they literally forget it. And it's either because of that whole nervous system, it's too big, it doesn't land, it's not personal to you, you just grabbed it from Pinterest or somebody else, or you don't know how to use it. And so, step

three is how to use your new belief. And I love this framing from Maddie, who you'll be hearing from soon on this podcast. She's one of my guests. But she calls it move and prove. And I've been teaching this same principle for years just without the catchy name. And the way that I was teaching it was just action plus that proof list. And now it has a name that I actually want to say out loud because it sounds so fun.

Move and prove is what we're going to call it. Anytime I catch myself thinking, I have a few more minutes. Let me do X, Y, Z real quick. Or anytime I catch myself texting like a mad woman, anytime I catch myself in those moments, that is my trigger. And that is when I repeat, stillness amplifies my success. Or stillness strengthens

my relationships, and my intuition. I could also say this if I actually do start getting to places early and instead of sitting in my car and breathing or looking at the sunshine outside or whatever it is that I want to be doing, I instead am scrolling my phone or something, distracting myself. stillness strengthens my relationships and intuition.

I would say that if I'm waiting for Griffin to come in the car, because when he comes in the car, I don't want to have all the ideas in my mind from scrolling. I want to focus on my relationship with him. And so that's how I would use my new belief to rewire my brain. I want, maybe this is step four, I need to experience being early.

and being still while waiting kind of goes hand in hand. So that's like the move and prove, truly see what it feels like. And so since this happened yesterday and I take action right away, I have an example for you. Yesterday, I finished this journaling session and I was like, this is good. I need this to be a podcast episode.

And so was typing up notes for this podcast episode at 2.15 is when I finished. And I thought, ooh, I should quickly record this while it's fresh on my mind and while I'm excited about it. And that's the thing. It felt like it was stemming from excitement. But yesterday was the first day that I wanted to test this out, that I wanted to truly stop working when

My alarm goes off. have an alarm that goes off at 2.35. And that alarm initially was for me to stop working, take a few breaths. I don't need to be at Griffin's door to go pick him up until 2.45. So that's 10 minutes and I just literally need to walk upstairs. And that has crept into me snoozing it, going to 2.40 and the whole thing. And it's so funny because I just recorded.

an episode recently about snoozing alarms and how to stop setting alarms even. But anyways, that has been happening with 235 and I thought I couldn't guarantee that this episode would be wrapped up in 20 minutes. I wonder, I don't even know how long it's going right now. Probably well over 20 minutes at this point. And so instead of quickly recording,

and risking pressing snooze on that 2 35 alarm just to finish the recording and then rushing to go pick up Griffin. I calmly finished my lunch that I still had barely eaten. I had taken moments to breathe before I was with Griffin for the rest of the day. I also prepped for today and I just thought through what would I like to accomplish tomorrow. And I planned to record this episode

today when I have no meetings. And so that is what I chose to do. So I am proud of myself for that. And I will say it's not perfect. ⁓ There have been moments this morning I actually did curl my hair. So I do feel motivated in that sense. And we weren't actually slightly. No, we weren't even early, but we were on time to school today. So I am going to practice this.

and report back on what my nervous system does because I'm not sure if this will be easy to adapt to and realize like, you know, in a snap of my fingers, wow, stillness is like so easy. It feels so good. I wish I would have started this five years ago or will I panic and will I pull out my phone to distract myself if I am early? Will I, will it be harder to pick up than I think it will? Will I need to remind myself that stillness is the goal 24 seven? We will see.

I'm not sure. So I will keep you in a loop on that. This is literally the coaching. You just heard exactly how I coach my clients through one specific pattern that they are already aware of that currently frustrates them, right? Like wanting to leave early or be on time for things instead of rushing to be late, but they're not doing it despite the

best of intentions, the best of goals, the full solution list. We didn't talk about this, but the solution that I've been trying to be on time is setting alarms. Back to the whole alarm thing. I have alarms in the morning for when I should start getting dressed and I snooze it. And then like a second, like, no, really Sam, go get dressed. And I snooze that too. And I'm embarrassed to admit it, but.

I also put some of the responsibility on my son. I'm like, one more show and then we're going to get dressed and leave. And I'll say that to Griffin. And if it's really not a rush to go anywhere, I mean, I should treat it like it is. I should treat my time with respect, but I haven't been. And so if it's not a rush and he just doesn't listen to me and he plays another show, in my head, I'll think he pressed play on another show.

he's deciding to not get dressed, ⁓ I'll let him and I'll keep working. Like, he's the one that chose this. I'm just, I'll let it happen. And then we're late. And now we know what's underneath all of that. And it's the powerful beliefs that have been keeping me stuck. And we know what to do about it and what I'm gonna be doing about it. So if...

you have a pattern that you want to dig into. Click the link in my show notes to book a breakthrough intensive. That is where we will do exactly what you heard today, but go even deeper in just 90 minutes. It's not a full coaching package. It's just 90 minutes so that you can see how deep your current belief is rooted and why it's so strong and we'll spend more time loosening its grip than just this

one podcast episode. And again, the intensive alone is 90 minutes. And then you also get a 30 minute integration call about two weeks later so that you're actually remembering that new belief and practicing it and integrating it into your daily life. I only offer three of those a month. So go snag one of those if you're interested. Thank you so much for tuning in today. I hope that this resonated. I think that it will for some people or maybe a bunch of you.

Thanks again and I will see you next week.