Show Notes: The Power of Liking for Speakers

Welcome back! In this solo episode, John dives into one of Robert Cialdini’s most underrated principles of influence—liking. If you’ve ever wondered why some speakers seem to get booked again and again, or how you can turn your audience into true fans without changing a word of your keynote, this episode is for you.

Introduction: Why Liking Matters

John kicks things off by sharing why understanding the principle of liking is a game-changer for anyone who wants to get booked, rebooked, or simply make a bigger impact as a speaker. It’s not just about what you say on stage—it’s about how you connect with people, both on and off the mic.

The Science Behind Liking

Drawing on Cialdini’s research, John explains that we’re all more likely to say “yes” to people we genuinely like. He shares his own journey, from starting out with a small audience to building a platform and podcast, all by focusing on curiosity, generosity, and authentic relationships.

Real Connections vs. Transactional Interactions

John gets real about the difference between building genuine connections and falling into the trap of being transactional. He shares stories from his own experience—how being easy to work with and showing appreciation opened doors to new opportunities, referrals, and collaborations.

How to Be More Likeable (and Why It Matters)

This chapter is packed with practical advice. John talks about the importance of using audience-relevant language, sharing stories (especially the ones where things didn’t go perfectly), and being open about your own quirks and mistakes. He reminds us that being likeable isn’t about flattery or people-pleasing—it’s about being real, approachable, and easy to work with.

Likability Killers to Avoid

Not everything is sunshine and roses—John also covers the behaviours that can quickly destroy likability. From being overly self-focused or inauthentic, to lacking emotional presence or coming across as rigid, he explains why these habits can hold you back as a speaker.

Authenticity Over Perfection

One of the big takeaways from this episode is that you don’t need to win everyone over. In fact, trying to please everyone is a losing game. Instead, focus on showing up as someone who’s trustworthy, warm, and competent. Likability can’t make up for a bad talk, but it can turn a good one into something unforgettable.

Wrapping Up & What’s Next

John closes the episode by encouraging you to be the speaker people want to work with and invite back. If you found this valuable, don’t forget to like, subscribe, and check out the links in the show notes for free tools to help you build ethical influence. And stay tuned—the next episode will explore another of Cialdini’s heavy hitters: reciprocity.

Thanks for listening! Until next time, stay present, stay likeable, and stay influential.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction: The Power of Liking

00:38 Exploring Cialdini's Principle of Liking

01:50 Personal Journey: Building Connections

04:13 Ethical Application of Liking

05:52 Practical Tips for Speakers

07:31 Common Pitfalls to Avoid

10:58 Conclusion: Elevate Your Speaking Game

Go to presentinfluence.com to take the Speaker StrengthsFinder Quiz and discover your greatest strengths as a speaker as well as where to focus for growth. For speaking enquiries or to connect with me, you can email [email protected] or find me on LinkedIn

You can find all our clips, episodes and more on the Present Influence YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@PresentInfluence

Thanks for listening, and please give the show a 5* review if you enjoyed it.

Mentioned in this episode:

Last Call For Founding KBPB Mebers

There's one last spot in the founding membership of The Known, Booked & Paid Blueprint. This is the only time you can get the program at 50% off. After that, it goes to the full program price, which is still great value, but it's not half-price value. Find out if it's the right fit for you at presentinfluence.com/kbpb

Do you want to get booked more as a speaker?

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Rebooked, sell your workshops,

coaching, consulting, or more easily

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turn your audience into raving

fans without needing to change a

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single word of your keynote talk.

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Then you need to understand

the principle of liking.

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Robert Cialdini discovered that

we are far more likely to say yes

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to people that we like, and when

you apply that as a speaker, it

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doesn't just improve your talk.

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It opens doors to referrals,

collaborations, and

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long-term speaking success.

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If you think your talk alone is enough to

get you booked and rebooked as a speaker.

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Think again.

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In this solo episode, I invite you

to explore with me one of Robert

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Cialdini's most powerful and underrated

principles of influence liking.

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Why do some speakers seem to

attract bookings, collaborations

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and referrals, even if they're

not the flashiest on stage?

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How can being genuinely likable build a

long-term success in your speaking career?

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And what's the difference

between authentic connection

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and manipulative charm?

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So this episode we'll break down the

psychology, the ethical application, and

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how being likable helped me to grow my

platform, my podcast, and my speaking

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business even in ways I didn't expect.

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If you're new to this channel, welcome,

please remember to like and subscribe.

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And if you have any questions,

you can put them in the chat box.

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I do check the messages, or you can reach

out from the links in the description

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if you are one of our audio listeners,

please do come and join us over on

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YouTube where you'll also find additional

episode clips, bonus videos, and more.

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In Cialdini's famous research,

he identified six core principles

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of influence and liking is

one of the most powerful.

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Simply put, we're more likely to

be influenced by people we like.

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When I started present influence,

I didn't have the, a huge audience.

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I arguably, I still don't, I

wasn't chasing the biggest names

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or playing the influencer game.

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I simply showed up with curiosity,

generosity, and a genuine interest in

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helping people to share their message.

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I was easy to work with.

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I prepared well.

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I followed up.

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I said thank you to people, and I always

focused on making good connections and

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relationships with the people whose

shows I went on, and to the people who

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have come and been guests on my show.

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So things started to happen.

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From that, I started getting

invited to speak at virtual

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summits and podcasting events.

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Some of the guests I'd interviewed

referred me to organizers and

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connected me with other opportunities.

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Some even referred clients to me.

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Some came to me to want to

work with me as well and to get

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feedback on their presentation.

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Sometimes interview skills.

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My inbox began to include emails with

comments like, you're one of the nicest

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people in the industry I've spoken to,

maybe we could collaborate on something.

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And here's the kicker.

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I've never tried to be the most

entertaining person in the room,

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although I do sometimes try to do that.

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But really what I focus more on is being

genuine, respectful, and collaborative

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with people, not transactional.

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So on the flip side, when I come across

people who feel very transactional,

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very self-promoting, they just wanna

see what they can get from you.

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And they're not really concerned about

having a relationship, and not as if

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we need to go out and the date

or anything, but it's not from a

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place of connection and friendship.

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It's really just from a case

of can we use each other?

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That's really what the transactional

stuff feels like and it doesn't feel good.

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And I will be honest, it's something

I haven't encountered very much in

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the podcasting world, but it is there.

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I would say maybe a little more in

the professional speaking world, and

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it is something to watch out for.

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Some people do get a little bit,

let's say, maybe carried away with

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their egos or maybe just a little too

transactional and I think sometimes

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people forget the importance of the

relationship side of things or maybe

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they're just not that interested in

those connections and relationships.

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look, I generally don't want to worry with

people who are like that, and not because

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they're bad people, but because I know

that ego first communication just doesn't

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connect well and it doesn't feel good.

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If you have already watched some of

the other videos in this series on

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Cialdini's influence skills for speakers,

you'll know that we tend to take a look

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at the ethics of these principles as

well, so here's how to use the liking

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principle ethically and effectively.

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Show some similarity.

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Use audience relevant

language when you're speaking.

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Use stories that will help to connect

with people, maybe some stories about

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a time that you failed at something

that shows a little vulnerability and

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allows people to connect with you there.

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Use examples, speak with your

audience and not at them.

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And don't try to place yourself above them

as being somebody who is better than them.

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We do not need to be the infallible gurus.

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We want to be really rather

someone who we acknowledge that

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we've made mistakes along the way,

but we have learned from them.

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We are growing and developing, and we may

be a little further ahead with some things

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than our audience that we're speaking to,

but we want to be able to connect with

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them And give them genuine compliments.

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And if they're interacting, say,

Hey, look, I love your energy.

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I love your interaction.

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Be nice to your audience.

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Be nice to the team that

you're working with.

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And this isn't to butter them up.

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This isn't sycophancy,

this isn't flattery.

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Authentic appreciation.

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It really makes a difference.

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So if you notice someone on the on the AV

team or somebody in the, you know, maybe

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there's a runner or a booking agent who's

come and been especially helpful to you,

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point that out and thank them for it.

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It really makes a difference.

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And create We moments use

more inclusive language.

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We us together involve your

audience in your message as well.

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Don't be the me, me, me speaker.

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Also, this is super important, I

believe this myself, and I've heard

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it from pretty much every speaker

I know, be easy to work with.

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So that means being responsible,

flexible, low drama, event organizers will

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remember if you made their life easier or

harder If you are flying into an event.

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You want to be the speaker who lets

them know, when your flight is landed,

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that you're there early and lets them

know if they want anything before

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the event that you're available.

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Being on time for events isn't arriving

just as you're about to on stage, it's

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being there well in advance, being

well prepared, maybe even being able

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to go and meet some of the people

who are in the event beforehand.

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Connect with your audience one to

one, and keeping your event team

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fully informed of what's going on

with you, but follow up as well.

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Thank them afterwards.

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Cards, gifts, flowers,

whatever seems appropriate.

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They're not generally a

huge cost to speakers.

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Okay?

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If you're doing an event for free, maybe

you don't wanna be investing a huge amount

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of money in that, but little thank yous.

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Little note, maybe just a handwritten

note to each of the people.

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That's really not gonna cost

you anything at all other than

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a little bit of time and effort.

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And it will make someone's day.

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Be human as well.

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Don't be a highlight reel.

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Share your quirks.

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Be yourself.

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Don't put on the suit of being

the professional speaker.

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And I've done a whole

episode just recently.

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You might wanna go and check out.

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I'll link it at the end of the video for

you on how professionalism and trying

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to be that professional image damages

your authenticity and your credibility.

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So showing humility and

vulnerability is valuable.

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We like people who are real and relatable.

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There are things that will block

your likability and just as there are

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ways to build likability, there are

behaviors that destroy it fast, and

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here are some of the biggest blocks to

likability, especially for speakers.

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Firstly, over focusing on

yourself too much me, me, me.

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Not enough, you or we or us.

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It makes you seem self-involved.

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Trying too hard to impress

over rehears delivery.

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Lots of name dropping, lots of jargon.

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Trying to use intelligent sounding words.

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They are just that.

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They sound intelligent, but

they're not helping you to connect.

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These all tend to indicate

a little bit of insecurity.

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Inauthentic positivity as well.

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don't you just hate fake

and forced positivity.

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People are forcing smiles, faking

the energy, flattering you in

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a manipulative kind of way.

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It's the definite likability killer,

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Having a lack of emotional presence.

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So people who are rushing or not

responding with any kind of emotion.

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They have monotone in their voice.

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They're not acknowledging the

room or they're individuals there.

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It all disconnects you.

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So be as present as you can be.

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Being rigid or unapproachable.

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You might have tabs on yourself.

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You might think you're the hottest ticket

in town, and that can lead to the ego

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taking over, having a bit of a my way or

the highway and it doesn't win hearts and

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minds and it doesn't get you rebooked.

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There is a subtle form of arrogance

that some people have as well.

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There's a little bit condescending to

the audience, so talking down to people

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maybe creating a little bit of superiority

over them creates some distance.

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Now, no matter how wonderful you

think you are, you're still a person

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and you're still flawed, you're still

human because we are all flawed.

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Own that.

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If you can't own that, then you might

need to do a little bit of work on

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moving into a growth mindset rather

than a fixed one, and people who

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have low warmth and high control.

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So even when you are incredibly skilled,

you might have great delivery as a

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speaker, but it could be cold, and

if that delivery is cold and people

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don't feel a warmth from you, it's

going to undermine your level of trust.

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People want to be able to feel they could

talk to you off the stage that you are

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just as relatable off stage as on there.

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So likability, it's not about

being soft, it's about being

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open, connected, and more human.

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There is a bit where, and this really is

where people tend to get things wrong.

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Likability is not about fake

charm or people pleasing.

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You don't need to be overly

polished or try to win everyone.

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In fact, authenticity is more

powerful than perfection.

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So your goal isn't to get everyone

to like you give up on that now.

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It's never going to happen.

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In fact, you'll probably anticipate

there's always gonna be people in your

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audience who just won't like you no matter

what you do, no matter what you say.

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Don't waste your time

trying to win them over.

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Plenty of people will like you and

there's also gonna be a large amount of

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people who be somewhat indifferent and

you could potentially win them over.

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Those are the people who maybe you can

pull over to the side, but don't waste

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time trying to get everyone to like you.

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It will never happen.

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You're better off having a goal

of showing up as someone who's

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worth trusting and connecting with.

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And I often say this when I'm doing

presentation training with people that

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you really want to be on stage you want

to have an air of warmth and competence.

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People want to know that they can

feel comfortable with you, that

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they can feel safe with you, and

that you know what you're doing

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and what you're talking about.

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When we fake those things, we

set ourselves up for a fall.

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Now this bit is important.

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Likability won't make up for a bad

talk, but it can elevate a good

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one into something unforgettable.

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So be the speaker that

people want to be around.

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Be open and willing to speak

and connect with people.

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Be the speaker they trust.

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The one they say, oh, we need them back.

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If you found this valuable, don't

forget to like and subscribe and

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follow for more influence and speaking

strategies, maybe share this video

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with a fellow speaker who needs it.

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And, and do check the links in the show

notes for free tools to help you build

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ethical influence on and off stage.

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the Next episode in this series

is gonna be about one of the heavy

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hitters of influence, reciprocity.

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So until next time, stay present,

stay likable and stay influential.