Jenny journaled about her birth mother from an early age. She grew up in a loving family, but the urge to find her birth family was always there. When Ohio opened it birth records, she obtained some vital information that led her to her birth mother on Facebook and later to her birth father. But she never expected to learn she had a full sister!
The post 033 – My Sister Reunited Too, But Didn’t Know About Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
Jenny (00:02):
I called them and I told them who I was and I said, you know her name and he's like, Oh yeah, yeah, that's who I am. And I mean, he didn't try to act like that wasn't him. And um, he just told me a whole bunch of stuff and that, that was one of the things he told me was, Oh, we had another kid together. He didn't say how old or even if it was boy or a girl, but he was like, yeah. And I was like, Oh. But I didn't tell him I knew.
Voices (00:30):
Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?
Damon (00:41):
This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Jenny. In Ohio where Jenny lives, the law changed to recently allowing her to access her original birth certificate. That meant after years of research with no information, she was able to finally track down her family. She connected with them on Facebook and just introduced herself out of the blue. But it turned out she wasn't the only one to return to the family. In the end, Jenny made family connections she's excited about and she's looking forward to getting to know them all more. Here's Jenny's story.
Damon (01:27):
Jenny says she has a great family referring to her adoptive family. Interestingly, her parents didn't think they could have children, so they adopted. Her parents conceived her younger sister naturally thereafter. I asked Jenny about her feelings as an older adopted sibling growing up.
Damon (01:43):
Did you guys, you and your sister talk about your adoption at all, maybe when you got older or anything like that when you could sort of have more logical conversation about it?
Jenny (01:55):
Um, yeah. I mean, I, she knew that she always knew I wanted to search. Um, in Ohio, they just changed the law where I could get my original birth certificate. So growing up I knew I wasn't going to get it. Um, and cause that just changed like two years ago. So, um, I knew I'd have to like hire someone or do something or you know, to be able to find them unless, unless they would join a mutual consent, which they never did. So like a registry.
Damon (02:23):
A registry or some other online resource. I gotcha.
Jenny (02:26):
Right. Yeah.
Damon (02:28):
So did I hear you say you, you always wanted to search?
Jenny (02:32):
Oh yeah. It's all through... I've re-read my journals from when I was a kid. It's all in there. I wanted to find her. I thought about her all the time.
Damon (02:39):
Really. What kinds of things did you write in your journal from when you were a kid? When and why? Well, first of all, when did you start journaling and, and what kinds of things did you write in your journal as a kid?
Jenny (02:49):
I was probably 10 when I started writing it like every day and I probably did it for 10 years every day. I would just think about it. Um think about her. I didn't really think about my birth father, but I was just thinking about her like what's her life like? What's she like? Is she okay? Is she going to find me? Those were the, those are the themes.
Damon (03:13):
It's interesting you were concerned about her as much as, um, she was probably concerned about you, huh?
Jenny (03:19):
Yeah.
Damon (03:20):
Did you, did you explicitly write any fantasies? I mean, 10 years old is a pretty young age. You're still fairly imaginative at that time. Did you, as you read back through your journals, did you find any like real fantasies about meeting her or who she might be or anything like that in your own writing?
Jenny (03:39):
I think I just pictured her like my mom, except younger and with more kids. I don't know why, but I always thought she would have them.
Damon (03:47):
Oh really? You thought you had a bunch of siblings, huh?
Jenny (03:51):
Younger than me. Yeah. But then I found out I had one older.
Damon (03:55):
That's fascinating and it's actually a little bit of a hidden Testament to your own mother because if all you could imagine in a mother was your mother, that's, that's pretty cool. That, that she, you know, was so impactful on your life in such a loving mother that that was all you could envision was just a younger version of her.
Jenny (04:14):
Right, I know.
Damon (04:16):
That's pretty cool. I asked Jenny how she began her search. She said she read voraciously about adoption, but the idea to use the birth index, a running record of infant births didn't occur to her until she was older. Jenny had gotten her non identifying information when she was 18 indicating her birth mother had a younger sister and giving her additional information, confirming her birth had happened in the area where she lived.
Jenny (04:41):
I read from like 16 to 18 once I could drive. I read every book at the library about closed private non-family adoption. And so a lot of those were about, some of them were about reunion, some of them were about searching, but then I kind of stopped. I didn't, I never read The Primal Wound until just recently. So I wish I would have read that. But I had stopped reading all the adoption stuff by then. But um, I got the idea to go to the, to the birth index when I was about 27 and because that is, you know, an anytime baby's born, you know, they just record it right then in, in an index. So it wouldn't have been, um, it would've had her name at the time. So, um, I found the last name in a birth index in the county I was born in, uh, in the university library.
Jenny (05:27):
And from that I just would search online or just search for that name. But, um, she actually had come to Ohio to have me and then she went back to where she was from. So I knew she wasn't like, you know, in Ohio. I wasn't going to find her there, but I thought I could probably find her grandparents or something like that. Um, but then, um, in 2011, that's when I found her father's obituary, so I just could connect all the dots that, Oh, that was her. And then I got her name, her married name, first name. So that's how, and then once the, once that happened, I found her on Facebook.
Damon (06:04):
What did you think when you found her father's obituary, and this is your grandfather, what did it, what, what went through your mind at that moment there?
Jenny (06:12):
Well, I didn't, I had been searching on Legacy for that last name. And it's not like he had just died when I found it because even though I've been searching for a long time, it just happened to pop up. And he had died like a few years before that. No, I mean I was glad that I finally found something that I could use to, I mean, but it was, I mean it was weird to see that the names then their first names, cause I only ever knew the last name from the index.
Damon (06:38):
Yeah, I bet that was very interesting.
Jenny (06:41):
Yeah, yeah.
Damon (06:43):
There's that moment when when the person goes from fantasy to very real, when you can actually see their first name, you can see their last name and they, you attach an identity to a real person. You know, it's a funny feeling that you get.
Damon (06:58):
Jenny sent her mother a message on Facebook, but she never replied. But even without a reply, she could see pictures in her mother's public profile and there were even old pictures of her mother posted, allowing Jenny a glimpse into the past. Jenny let her search rest there until 2017 when policy changes afforded her the opportunities to have her search advanced. And the curiosity about her birth father's identity began to grow.
Jenny (07:26):
Two years ago, you know, all the adoption stuff came back in the news because they changed the law. So I was able to get my certificate and you know, the name was right. I was right about who was so, um, but the, the birth father's name was on there and, and I really, you know, hadn't really thought about him much because I kind of figured, even if she had kept me, I wouldn't have known him. I mean, cause they didn't stay together. So I kind of felt like once I knew she was, well, I'm just like other people that don't know one parent for whatever reason. But then it started bothering me more and more. And then when I got the certificate, there's no names. So I went back to the agency and I told them, I said, Hey, I know I know who she is, I want to know his name, but they wouldn't give it to me.
Jenny (08:04):
I figured it was in the file just because, you know, I had all this non identifying information and it's not like she didn't know who he was, you know, just from the story that was there. So then I, I messaged her again and she didn't, she didn't respond, so I don't know if she got it or not. So then I was like, well, it's more time goes on, might never be able to figure it out. So, um, so then I messaged her sister on Facebook and I told her who I was. I was up late one night, feeling sorry for myself and I sent her a message. I didn't get a response back right away. Um, and I just kind of put it out in my mind. And then four days later I get a response on Facebook and she says, she just got the message. Of course it was a day when I couldn't charge my phone. I was out all day and then, and then, and I was like, okay, I'm going to take my daughter home. I'm
