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Scarlett De Bease - What You Wear Empowers You
Episode 79 • 24th April 2023 • Her Empowered Divorce • Beverly Price
00:00:00 00:36:18

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In this episode of the Her Empowered Divorce Expert Series podcast, Beverly Price interviews Scarlett De Bease. Scarlett share insights into “What You Wear Empowers You”.

Key Interview Questions that Beverly Asks Scarlett:

1. What is a common personal image issue for women who've gone thru a divorce?

2. What is one of the most common mistakes women make when shopping for clothes?

3. Why do so many women get stressed when getting dressed?

4. Why do many women say they feel frumpy?

5. Why do women say they have nothing to wear when their closet is full of clothes?

What 3 actionable takeaways can you give women that they can do to enhance their journey from beginning to end and recovery from the divorce process

1. How to start realizing that you are worthy and deserving of feeling and looking great, no matter their age, shape, or size.

2. How to stop buying clothes you don't love to wear.

3. How to look at the clothes you wear and buy in completely new ways.

ABOUT SCARLETT DE BEASE:

Scarlett De Bease is a personal wardrobe stylist who shows women what clothes to wear, and buy, for their unique features, size, and life so they can feel stylish and confident no matter what’s on their calendar.

She guides her clients to create their own unique signature style, feel fearless and confident to be seen and heard, and excited to put themselves out to the world in a way that is game-changing.

As the founder of Scarlett Image Consulting and author of Stop Stressing About Dressing, her one-of-a-kind in-person and worldwide online workshops reveal how a more powerful presence leads to more opportunities and more profit.

You can find out more about Scarlett at ScarlettImage.com.

https://www.facebook.com/ScarlettImage

https://www.linkedin.com/in/scarlettimage/

https://www.instagram.com/scarlettimage/

CONNECT WITH SCARLETT –

Get Scarlett’s Free Tips to End Your Closet Shame - Learn how to break=p with the clothes that are doing you wrong.

https://scarlettimage.com/endyourclosetshame


CONNECT WITH PODCAST HOST AND DIVORCE AND EMPOWERMENT COACH, BEVERLY PRICE:

SUBSCRIBE TO THE HER EMPOWERED DIVORCE PODCAST

 

If you liked this episode, please don’t forget to leave us a review, subscribe, and share this podcast!

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About Host, Beverly Price:

 Beverly Price, certified Divorce and Empowerment coach, combines divorce and empowerment coaching to provide education, support, and insight to guide women along the entire divorce process, and to conquer its emotional, technical, financial and logistical challenges.

Her coaching stresses self-awareness, conflict resolution, communication skills, organization, and clarity. She provides one-on-one custom designed coaching to help women through the ups and downs and grow from self-doubt to self-love quicker, with less pain, more knowledge than she did.

She serves women in three phases of divorce:

1) those contemplating divorce and wanting clarity in their decision process,

2) those in the complex and confusing legal and financial process, and

3) those who are divorced and unhappy, but want a happier, more fulfilling life. 

Other episodes of the Her Empowered Divorce podcast and the Divorce Expert Series, information about Beverly’s coaching, blogs and more can be found at https://www.herempowereddivorce.com

Sign up for a free consultation with Beverly to find out there is someone who can educate, advocate and guide you through all phases of divorce so you can reach an empowered and happy new life! Click on the link https://Beverly-Price.as.me/Consultation

 

Transcripts

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Hi, beautiful. Greetings and welcome to the Her Empower Divorce podcast. I'm Beverly Price, Divorce and Empowerment Coach, and in this episode, I'll bring you fabulous women like my guest Scarlett today to share with you their stories and their advice to help you on your own divorce journey.

Whether you are a soon to be separated, separated, contemplating divorce, divorcing, or divorced woman, was created just for you.

My guest today is Scarlett De Bease, personal stylist and image consultant, and she's going to talk with me today about how image can affect your self-confidence. She's going to show us that the best time for you to give yourself a boost in your self-confidence is by changing the clothes you choose to wear and buy. She wants you to discover how the way you see changing when you learn what you wear transforms you and how you see and value yourself. So much of the time I find that women's empowerment and confidence on the outside affects how they feel on the inside and so what Scarlett brings to our divorce story is how we can help work on our empowerment on the outside together with the inside work you do. Hi Scarlett, thanks so much for being my guest today. It's great to have you here.

scarlett:

Thank you very much. I'm excited to be here and share some helpful tips.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Yeah, tell us a little bit about yourself, Scarlett.

scarlett:

So what I do is I'm known as an image consultant, personal stylist, I've been called to close Whisperer. But what I do is I

scarlett:

women have the ability to open up their closet and easily and happily pick out something to wear instead of what usually happens, which is now what? Or I'll just wear that

scarlett:

outfit that I wore the last three days for the last three years. So I just make

scarlett:

it, I help women always know what to wear.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

That is wonderful. I myself am overweight. And so one of the things I've experienced is I hate to look in the mirror. I hate to have my picture taken because I don't want to see what I really look like.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

How can you help someone like me get over that and get past lacking confidence in what I look like?

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Like so many divorced women women do.

scarlett:

very, yeah. And I'll say it's a very common feeling or condition that women of all ages have, you know, younger

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Okay.

scarlett:

people, middle-aged, more mature, and then women who are single going through divorce because we have an idea of what we should look like. And we think that the way we were is the ideal way. But in fact, there's an ideal way So

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Okay.

scarlett:

it really doesn't matter about what size somebody wears. If you're wearing the clothes that are right for you and you're a size four or you're a size 24, it's great. If you're wearing the clothes that are wrong for you, just being smaller will not make them look good. It will not necessarily make you

scarlett:

feel great. So it's really never about the size. And the way that I see women change when they have what you were discussing, that the feelings you're discussing, is when you can see how great can look in the clothes you don't have, like new clothes, things you wouldn't

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Right.

scarlett:

have picked up on your own. When you see that, then there's a lightness that happens. Then something happens where women realizes it was never about the size or the label or the weight. It was simply, as I always say, it's never about you. It's the clothes that you're wearing are wrong, but it's not that something is wrong with you.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

I actually saw a stylist about a year ago, and one of the things she encouraged me to do was step out of wearing very blah clothes and into brighter colors, and that was a whole new world for me, and I was kind of scared of it. Can you tell me a little bit about kind of the stepping out process and how a woman can move past that fear?

scarlett:

Well, it's about experimentation. So when I work with somebody, I show her the best colors for her to wear and the ones to avoid.

scarlett:

actually once you become aware of that, even without working with someone like myself, you start to see a difference. So the idea, like, you know, the problem is that women tend to have a lot of the same in their closets. And that's because it's habitual, it's comfortable, it's all you know, you kind of stick to the same thing. And that becomes

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Right.

scarlett:

that, that makes women have difficulty choosing what to wear or liking how they look in the mirror. So it's really about, you know, experimenting and looking at try-on clothes in a way that's unusual for women, which is have fun, have a sense of humor, have some playfulness in it, as opposed to I got to get something for this event now. And then that becomes

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Right.

scarlett:

stressful and that usually goes very badly.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Gotcha. So this podcast is all about the divorced or divorcing woman. What is a common personal image issue for women who've already gone through the divorce process?

scarlett:

Mm-hmm. You know, when a woman goes through divorce, it's a lot of what's wrong with me that can happen, right?

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Exactly.

scarlett:

So that what's wrong with me gets really amplified when you put something on and it doesn't fit or you don't look good in it or your friend has it on and she looks good in it. Why don't you look good in it, you know? And

scarlett:

there's a lot of, not even wanting to look at yourself in the mirror. I mean, I had a client once who didn't even know she had a mirror in her closet. much. She

scarlett:

didn't want to look at herself.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

wow

scarlett:

Very dramatic, but it was a sad truth. So the thing about when you go through divorces, so you've been focusing on somebody else and oftentimes children too, and then all of a sudden you're on your own and now you're feeling older, bigger, frumpy, and maybe not desired, which is a

scarlett:

big thing, you know. So the thing is that you are just as valuable now as you were when you were married and 20 years ago or two sides are smaller or more even smaller. And so the thing is to start treating yourself with kindness and to treat yourself period. Women

scarlett:

as a whole tend to forget themselves. And then

scarlett:

they get a little bit older, a little bit older. And sometimes their size changes in the way they don't want it to change. And then it's just a cycle that goes on. And then you end up wasting not days, weeks, but sometimes decades. So the trick is,

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

also money, also money, right? If they're

scarlett:

a lot.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

buying clothes that aren't

scarlett:

I mean, you know, when I, I work mostly virtually, but you know, when I used to be in women's closets for real, there were so many price tags still on the clothes. There were so many things that they never were worn or bought worn ones and then never worn again, because they weren't right. You know, a woman

scarlett:

needs to know what's right for her and her specifically in order to have success with shopping and being able to put an outfit together like this. When a woman buys things because it's in or because somebody else is wearing it or because they think that's what they're supposed to wear, but it doesn't match their personality, that becomes where you spend a lot of money, a lot of time, and you tend to damage your self-esteem even more, which is

scarlett:

opposite of what I want to do and what you want to do for women.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Yeah, I actually work with clients who have that low self-esteem to work through that, to get to the place where they have more self-love than self-doubt.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

So I'm kind of working on the inside and you're kind of working on the outside

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

to bring it together.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

One of the things I noticed in particular in my mother was, and I think this goes back to something you said. I think women spend their lives and are taught to invest in their husbands and their children, but not in themselves.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

And so sometimes, for example, I have women come to me and say, well, the divorce coach is a luxury. I don't really need that. But attorney after attorney that I speak with says that a divorce coach is essential to the process.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

That you can't go in and sit in an attorney's office and just go on and on about your own emotions because the cost of your divorce will go out the window.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

So if I can feel better and then I combine it with the kind of work you're doing, that's fabulous.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

I noticed in my mother that as she got older she stopped buying clothes or she bought clothes that diminished her.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

And she would frequently clothes from 30 years prior that just didn't really do anything for her.

scarlett:

Right.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

And you know one of the things I wanted to do was go in her closet and pull out all of those clothes but she continued to gravitate to

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

them. What advice do you have for a woman like that?

scarlett:

Well, first of all, when clothes are, you know, very too big or very dark, like a lot of women like to wear a lot of black, it's making themselves disappear. And

scarlett:

so, you know, shrink a little bit from life. So I encourage women to wear clothes that fit them and also our colors that are flattering to them, but not black all the time. We shouldn't be looking like we're in mourning all the time or like we're hiding

scarlett:

or like everybody else in the room. For your mother, the trick, you know, And when I work with a client and she is not sure what to wear, so she tends to buy what she has or wear the same things over and over again. So when she can see how incredible she can look in something completely different than what she's been doing for the last few years or decades, that's when the transition happens.

So your mother would easily be able to put different things on and try different things if she could see how fabulous she can look in a different look. So she's going for the older clothes because she's comfortable. like she used to by wearing them. And

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Right.

scarlett:

she's also probably too afraid to try something new on because she's afraid it's not going to fit or she's going to look silly. And

scarlett:

if it's not frugality, then it's just a lot of fear. So the trick is

scarlett:

I've worked with women who are like, you know, I don't want to get rid of anything in my closet. I just want you to help me, you know, make some new outfits. And then when I show them a new outfit and they can see how great they can look in that outfit, want that stuff they've been holding on to anymore.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Exactly, yes.

scarlett:

But you have to see the after to get rid of the before.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Yeah, I like what you said kind of about the black syndrome. You know, most of my closet, before I started working with someone was black. And I thought not only it made me look slimming, but that it was also cost effective because I could put a different color jacket over it, I could wear a scarf. And so I didn't have to buy as much.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

But what I learned was that the kinds of things were like tents and

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

therefore they made me look like a tent

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

and you know I dressed to hide and I ended up looking like a tent. Is that your experience?

scarlett:

Exactly, absolutely. A woman, there's two things that happen. Some women wear clothes that are too big because they think it's slimming and what does it really do? It makes you look bigger, right? It also makes

scarlett:

you feel bigger. And then the other bad habit of some women is to wear clothes that are a little bit too tight because they go, I'm going to lose some weight and it's going to

scarlett:

work. So if it's a little bit too tight, it makes you look bigger too, you know? So

scarlett:

it's kind of like building walks. You have to do the just. Right. You know?

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Absolutely, absolutely. So what would you say is the most common of mistakes that a woman could make when she goes shopping?

scarlett:

So the most common mistake is women tend to buy what they already have. So

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Oh, interesting.

scarlett:

they get very, I call it like, you know, they get magnetized. So they get magnetized to, they get attracted to what they know. Bad relationships, bad food, and the wrong clothes for you. You know,

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Yeah.

scarlett:

we just, we just get stuck on that. So what a woman will do, and I, and I see that they call it duplicitis, they'll, they'll buy something and they, they put it on, they like it and all that. And they, they're happy with how it looks. go home, they realize they had something that was almost identical to it. It's because they

scarlett:

need to be familiar with it. The other thing is that what women tend to do in the shop is they get caught up on the fit and not caught up on how it looks on them and how it makes them feel.

scarlett:

well, they're so happy, like sometimes they're just so happy it closes, right? Because of some weight gain, you know, that they focus on that and then they buy it in multiple colors, which is a big mistake.

scarlett:

and the prints too. I mean, I've had clients before they work with me who would have a top in four colors, the three prints. One item, seven ways, can't build a wardrobe. Now, when you realize it's not so great, you've wasted money on seven of the same thing, you know?

scarlett:

So the trick is to not buy what you already have. And the other thing is when you buy clothes that are in your best colors, like you were saying before with your layering, all those colors work together. outfits, you combine the different colors. So it doesn't have to be black and white all the time. But the big shopping

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Exactly.

scarlett:

mistake is women really tend to buy what they know. And I'll give you an example. I had a client years ago who needed a whole new wardrobe. Switching her careers from, I think it was physical education to working as her own business. And she told me that she needed a whole new wardrobe. Hates everything, has to start from scratch. But she said, there is work. one store that whenever I go to I can always find something. So she just told me she hates everything, but there's one store she can always find something and that's because it fit her. But it didn't make

scarlett:

her feel good because she just said she wanted to get rid of everything. So

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Right.

scarlett:

one trick is stop going to the same stores you've been going to. If you say you have nothing to wear, if you have a hard time, you know, putting an outfit together but you have a lot of clothes, you need to stop shopping where you've been shopping.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

you make any suggestions on where they should shop? I know that sometimes I have a very difficult time finding a place and I do all my shopping online.

scarlett:

Yeah.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

So I have difficulty finding places that either have my style, my size, you know, my color scheme. What's your thought on that?

scarlett:

So online, I've been doing online shopping for my clients for about 10 years. The last five, six years, it's the best resource because the stores are not necessarily cating to women over 40.

scarlett:

And the size selection is terrible. But online, I can find something for someone in any size that they need, any color that they need, any style. It takes a lot of searching. It's not easy, but there's more selection online than there is in the stores. I do

So depending upon her needs, what's going on in her personal life and if she's working and also budget and also her size and shape, the proportions of her body, the features of her body. So every store recommendation I make is different for each client.

scarlett:

But online, if you can get over the fact that you might have to return some things, which is you should, so you don't waste the money, it's the way to go. You try in the privacy of your home in your own lighting, because the store lighting sometimes everybody looks great in the store and then they drive home and put it on like, what happened? So.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

I almost think they have different mirrors too.

scarlett:

you know the other thing about shopping is when you're shopping in a store and you have a sales person or some stranger walk by and they tell you that you look great in that up here you going well they said it must be true.

scarlett:

but it might not be true. And so you can't let anybody else influence you. And I do want to make one note about when a woman tries on clothes, whether it's in a store for her closet, online shopping, you know, people say the first impression is, you know, the first 20 seconds, whatever. My thought is the first impression that counts is your own. So

scarlett:

you look in the mirror, the story that you tell yourself, what you see when you try something on is the only impression that counts. something on it or buy something because your friend or the salesperson or, you know, mother or cousin or a sister or whatever told you it looks great on you, you have to look in the mirror and say, this looks great on me. And if you do that,

scarlett:

you're not going to buy clothes that you end up not wearing.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

So why do you think so many women get stressed when they get dressed?

scarlett:

Because they have no idea what works for them yet. They

scarlett:

have no idea what their personal style is. They don't know the right colors, the right necklines, where a shoulder seam should be on them, the length of something on them. Every woman is unique. And this whole one size fits all, one look, one trend fits all, doesn't work. And until you know the specifics for you, you will constantly

scarlett:

have this issue of like opening up your closet and going, I have nothing to wear. Even though we all know there's a lot of stuff in that closet. You know?

scarlett:

So you have to learn what's right for you and you alone. And until then, it just becomes more of a frustration kind of a thing and a waste of money.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Yeah. I've run into people that don't necessarily get dressed up. I live at the beach. So there's a lot of flip-flops and shorts and t-shirts and things like that not to criticize anybody for that. But when you talk to them and I say, you know, dressing up makes me feel better. They have responses like, well, I don't want to have to dress for them.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

And sometimes I almost think that's a cop out. Now sometimes if you really absolutely adore what you look like, then go for it. But sometimes I almost think it's a rejection of some kind.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

yeah. And I'm so amazed that women don't take advantage of that way of feeling better.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

You know they may go to a therapist, they may do all kinds of things, but there's a fairly simple way to feel better.

scarlett:

Yes. A lot of it is fear. Well, if I don't try, then I can't fail at this, because it's

scarlett:

a lot of body image issues. The thing about the flip-flop life, I mean, I would mind that life myself, but you can still dress in a way that's comfortable and appropriate for where you live, but it doesn't look like you're getting up. There's the lookup

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

That's it, that's

scarlett: Yes. I give up look and being comfortable. Like, I mean, I have clothes for a warm weather that I can just throw on, put on a pair of sandals and I'm done, took no more effort than a T-shirt and shorts, no more effort. It's just, do I care? Do I give a damn? Do I want to give up on myself? I don't and my clients don't and a lot of women don't. And there isn't a single woman out there that doesn't like getting a compliment. No

scarlett:

one's ever gonna, you know, screw you because you said I look good today. I mean, he's not gonna have real

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

But one of the things I think women and divorced women do is when they get a compliment, they come back and put themselves down.

scarlett:

Yes.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Like you look lovely, oh, I got this from Kmart. Or

scarlett:

Yes.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

something to that effect, they can't fully embrace and accept a compliment.

scarlett:

Yeah. I have a client who wrote a book and her whole chapter is on just that. Just take the compliment. Just quiet. Just say thank you. The only thing you ever have to say when you get a compliment is thank you. It's very hard not to say, oh, I got it for a deal or this old thing or, you know, you think, well, I mean, thank you, you know, but it all goes back to again, looking in the mirror and liking what you see. And no matter your age, your height, your size. love how you I have a client is a size 24 and she's dressed better than most women who are size 8 unless they know the clothes that are right for them. But the

scarlett:

again you could have a great sun dress on a pair of sandals and and be appropriate for where you live but not like I said before like you gave up. The giving up and what is giving up due to yourself? It's damaging. It's very

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And it's not too different than I think sometimes women who are divorced give up on life, that they are stuck in negative emotions from their past. They're

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

stuck in anger or resentment or sadness or self pity, as opposed to saying, you know, this divorce could be a springboard to an amazing life that I can create exactly the way I want.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

and feel as good as I want.

scarlett:

Yes.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

So I think that's real important.

scarlett:

And the other thing is a lot of divorces, you know, the husbands or whatever spouse you may have, has spent a lot of time telling you your fact, right? You know, you don't look good.

scarlett:

Why can't you be like that person? Why can't you look like that person? And then when you're free, when you're a divorce and you don't have that other person constantly doing the negative feeding, that's when you can start to see, hey, I am a butterfly.

scarlett:

I am beautiful. I can be beautiful. But the voices, like that one client who couldn't look in the mirror, it was her mother's voice that she kept hearing.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

it's their childhood issues that really affect that that women need to deal with. And then I think there's the woman who doesn't think she deserves to look and feel better.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

That I think if she just tried it once, I think it would change her outlook

scarlett:

And the other thing is a lot of women have daughters. And they have to realize that the example they're setting for their daughters. I had a woman

scarlett:

hire me years ago because she heard her teenage daughter repeating what she was saying when she saw herself in the mirror. And she

scarlett:

realized the message she was sending to her young teenager was really destructive. So she then took the time to have a wardrobe that really made her look and feel great. So she stopped putting herself down teaching her daughter to put herself down. So we have to be mindful of also the message we're sending to the others, our children around us.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Exactly. And that's even, I even say that in divorce, the way the two parents interact, affect

a child, the way after divorce you speak about your ex affects the children. There's, there's so many ways kids could be impacted.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

So what do you say to a woman who pretty much gives you the excuse, I go to my closet, it's full of clothes, but I have nothing to wear.

scarlett:

Well, because they bought the wrong clothes is one thing. A lot of women have no idea how to combine clothes to make different outfits. So a lot of women buy an outfit, wear it that way over and over and over and over again. I take a woman's clothes and combine them in new ways, new with different accessories, so you can wear something multiple ways. When you start learning how to wear things in multiple ways, you end up having less my clients have fewer clothes in their than they did before, but they have more outfits than they did before.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Interesting.

scarlett:

Quantity is never the answer, because if quantity was the answer, no woman would ever say I have nothing to wear, and then run out to the store because she got invited someplace,

so no idea what to put on. There's something in the closet, you just don't realize it yet, you know?

scarlett:

So it's just very common because they're buying the wrong clothes, they're buying more of what they already have. They think that they have to go out and get something as opposed to digging in, and I always say there's gold There's stuff in that back, blow the dust off. You'd be surprised how good it could look. I've had

scarlett:

clients put something on it, they didn't even realize fit them. I've had clients put something on it, they didn't even know it was even in the closet or they had it or they found out they put two of them because they forgot the other one was in the closet. So

scarlett:

the beauty of having too much to wear is that it gives you the opportunity to clean some things out of your closet so you can only have in there what fits you, what works for you now. And that way when you open up the door, is you don't start the day with stress because it's a very stressful

scarlett:

start the day and you don't start the day with a mess which is pulling everything out trying to put something on and then you have come home to a mess which is again not great for the mind not great for your your

scarlett:

your body image you you know your self-esteem so less clothes more outfits that's the way to go.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Gotcha. So I like to ask my every guest I have to come up with three takeaways that women could do right away to kind of change their outlook, change their divorce journey. And what would you suggest to them?

scarlett:

1. So for one week, don't put on any outfit that you had put on the week or so before. Force yourself to put on a new outfit from your closet. Force yourself to do a new creation. It's mind blowing what you can come up with. And it's also very exciting because then you're bringing a little spring in your step, literally with spring a little bit variety to your life. to your day.

2. The second thing is to add one or two accessories more than you ordinarily would have added. So it could be a scarf, a necklace, earrings, something that you not have put on again for the last three weeks that you wore many, many times. Change your accessory because when you add a little creativity to your outfit, little playfulness to your outfit, it's a mood lifter. Great conversation starter too. Where'd you get that necklace? I love that. Dig into that draw of the things that you and five years, you'd be surprised how many adorable things are in that drawer or the box from your mother or aunt, whatever, grandmother. There's some really cool costume jewelry in there. Add that to, you know, an outfit and then adds, like I said, some playfulness and joy to your wardrobe.

3. the third thing is go in your closet and pull out anything that you know for sure doesn't fit. Don't keep anything in your closet that is like, I'm going to get into that one day. Thing because if that worked we'd all be a size six.

scarlett:

Having a reminder that they're not the right size in your mind is not good. It's a reminder that you're not what you want to be. And I really emphasize this. I'm telling you right now, being thinner is not the answer to loving how you look and feel.

scarlett:

And the other thing is that while a woman is going on journey, like she wants to change her body, or she wants to wait for something else to happen in her life, maybe she wants to wait till she can date again, wants to wait until she loses some weight or she, you know, some excuse. It's they're all excuses. That time period, whether it's five days or sometimes five or more years, is the all that time you lost the opportunity to feel good about yourself.

scarlett:

Life is too short.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Absolutely. Scarlett, this has been so enlightening. How can our listeners find you?

scarlett:

Oh, so please visit me at Scarlett, S-C-A-R-L-E-T-T, image.com. And there you'll find some tips to help you look at the clothes in your closet in a whole new way. And I invite you to click on a call with me, and I would love to help you identify what's keeping you from always knowing what to wear, and I'll share with you how you can fix it.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Absolutely. And after a divorce is a beautiful time to do that.

scarlett:

It's time to move forward and renew.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Is there anything else you'd like to share that I've left out and haven't asked you about?

scarlett:

I don't know right now. Let me think.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Okay.

scarlett:

I think the most important thing to do is to do for yourself and stop putting yourself, taking care of yourself off. If you want to feel better, if you want to feel reborn, if you want to feel new, it's time to change your clothes so you can change how you see yourself.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

And I think one way to think about that is wouldn't that be the advice you'd give to your best friend?

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

So if you'd be the advice you give your best friend, why wouldn't you want to give it to yourself?

scarlett:

We're always very good at giving other people advice. Yeah.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

Scarlett, thank you so much for being my guest today. You are amazing. And

scarlett:

Thank you.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

I believe that that really changing your outlook is so important to recovery from divorce. Thank you, thank you.

scarlett:

Thank you.

beverly_herempowereddivorce_com:

I believe that moving from the overwhelm and grief and pain of divorce can be used to be a springboard to a new life and that by feeling better on the outside can help ease the negativity on the inside. All of Scarlett's information will be available in the show notes along with mine. You can find them at herempowerdivorce.com on the podcast page or wherever you listen to podcast. I believe that women helping women is our superpower and that's why I'm bringing you powerful women who can discuss topics so critical to you and your divorce situation. We all struggle and we can all thrive if we stick together and it's time to walk the talk of helping other women, to get help from other women, to help other women women and most of all raise up other women and our daughters. While you may be able to pull yourself up from the boost straps going through a divorce and after many women can't reach out to them pull them along to recovery and joy with you. After my personal journey of divorce ups and downs without this kind of support it was a very painful and difficult process. podcast is my way of giving back to women just like you. Thank you for being with Scarlett and myself on this episode of Her Empowered Divorce. Join me in the next episode where we'll be talking about even more topics that can help you on your separation and divorce journey. Remember that you can find more podcast episodes and information about my divorce and empowerment coaching at herempowereddivorce.com. today and take care.

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