Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

The hosts discuss the current state of marriage and its future prospects. They explore the impact of changing societal attitudes, the challenges of divorce, and the importance of love and communication in a successful marriage. They also touch on the financial implications of divorce, the role of men and women in relationships, and the decline of romance in modern relationships. The hosts emphasize the need for shared values and the involvement of children in finding love. They conclude by discussing the challenges of fertility and sexual health and the potential decline in marriage rates among younger generations. The conversation explores various aspects of relationships and marriage. It discusses the impact of age on parenthood, the trend of having children later in life, and the importance of prenuptial agreements. The ease of ending relationships and the need to take time to get to know someone are also highlighted. The significance of small gestures, shared interests, and fighting for the relationship are emphasized. The conversation concludes by emphasizing the importance of cherishing the small things, the difficulty of finding a good partner, and the meaning of marriage.

Explicit

DGTTwisted@gmail.com

Copyright 2024 Dont get this Twisted

This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

1

[Robb]: Hey and welcome to another show of Don't

Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host

2

[Robb]: as always Tina. How you doing Tina?

3

[Tina m Garcia]: I'm good, Rob, how you doing?

4

[Robb]: Oh, not too shabby after tons of technical

difficulties this morning.

5

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, we definitely were going

through it today. And

6

[Robb]: Yeah.

7

[Tina m Garcia]: come to find out I was one

that didn't plug in my headphones. Yay me.

8

[Robb]: Oh, it's okay. I think that there's

issues on my side as well. So we're going to

9

[Robb]: take care of those over the next week

and See if we can't get back to being 100%

10

[Robb]: and because we had a good long run of

no no issues

11

[Tina m Garcia]: Yep, we did. For

12

[Robb]: So

13

[Tina m Garcia]: a long time now.

14

[Robb]: yeah, months, months and months, actually

months and months and months. So

15

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

16

[Robb]: really for this to happen, it's not

a huge deal. I think that every blue moon,

17

[Robb]: we should have a small speed bump to

go over without freaking out.

18

[Tina m Garcia]: It would just be nice if it

wasn't me.

19

[Robb]: But like I said, there is another issue,

obviously, because you were having some echoing

20

[Robb]: issues. So I think it's a both side

thing. So I'll work on that before we record

21

[Robb]: again. So in between all the nonsense

this morning, I kind of brought it up last

22

[Robb]: week and I've been seeing a lot of things

online about it, about marriage and... Is it

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[Robb]: something that's worth it now going

forward? Both in youth and obviously someone

24

[Robb]: our age, is it something that is going

to be around for a long period of time? Because

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[Robb]: with birth rates being very low in this

country and the intent of getting marriage,

26

[Robb]: I think, generally is to raise a family.

27

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

28

[Robb]: Right.

29

[Robb]: And now I think with the bigger thing

of independent women, thinking that they don't

30

[Robb]: need men and that they can just raise

kids on their own, even though they still ask

31

[Robb]: for child support. I think that

32

[Tina m Garcia]: You had to throw that in there,

didn't you?

33

[Robb]: I did have to throw that in there because

if you were so independent you wouldn't have

34

[Robb]: to do that shit. Because

35

[Tina m Garcia]: That's,

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[Robb]: I

37

[Tina m Garcia]: there's

38

[Robb]: didn't.

39

[Tina m Garcia]: that, there's that.

40

[Robb]: I didn't get a dime and I raised my

kid on my own.

41

[Tina m Garcia]: Well, then you can talk shit

if you ask

42

[Robb]: I

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[Tina m Garcia]: me.

44

[Robb]: can, I can talk a whole bunch of shit

because I didn't

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[Tina m Garcia]: Uhhh...

46

[Robb]: get a dime. Did my ex-wife help me with

clothes and things like that? Yes, because

47

[Robb]: that's

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[Tina m Garcia]: She should.

49

[Robb]: what parents are supposed to do.

50

[Tina m Garcia]: Yes.

51

[Robb]: And I didn't have to, you know, ring

her phone 400 times to get clothes. I

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[Tina m Garcia]: Thank

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[Robb]: would

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[Tina m Garcia]: God.

55

[Robb]: text her and go, hey, we're going to

school shopping. Make sure you pick them up

56

[Robb]: this, this and this. And she'd go, okay,

I'll have a new pair of shoes for him when

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[Robb]: he comes out. It was that simple. There

was no...

58

[Tina m Garcia]: That's how it should be though

for kids, because kids don't need their parents

59

[Tina m Garcia]: at war with each other.

60

[Robb]: No,

61

[Tina m Garcia]: They

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[Robb]: it's

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[Tina m Garcia]: just

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[Robb]: not.

65

[Tina m Garcia]: don't.

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[Robb]: It's nonsense. They're look if you have

a child and obviously we had a child in marriage,

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[Robb]: like

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[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

69

[Robb]: we got married actually to have children.

I wanted a child and she said There's no way

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[Robb]: we're going to have a kid unless you

marry me So, I mean I kind of went that traditional

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[Robb]: route and he was planned and there's

a bunch of other things And just because the

72

[Robb]: relationship didn't work out doesn't

mean we don't take care of your children

73

[Tina m Garcia]: Exactly.

74

[Robb]: So, so I think that there's something

involved in that with just marriage in general

75

[Robb]: these days. And we kind of talked about

it off air before, like, is it worth it? If,

76

[Robb]: if you were in, let's say, under 30,

right? Because if you're, if you're in your

77

[Robb]: 40s and 50s and 60s, are you, are you

apt to get married now? Eh, probably not. I

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[Robb]: think there's a lot of people just living

together and going that route and saying, eh,

79

[Robb]: we probably really don't need to get

married. Now, to me, I see why you would wanna

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[Robb]: do it because I think that there's still

something to getting married. Just for a lot

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[Robb]: of different reasons, mostly legality

part of. As you get older, someone being able

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[Robb]: to take care of you and make decisions

on your life and those kind of things. As you

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[Robb]: get into

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[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

85

[Robb]: your twilight years, mostly if you're

in your late 60s, you know, do you want someone

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[Robb]: that's going to make the right decision

or make sure they're there for you?

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[Tina m Garcia]: That's when you put it that

way, that's not a real reason to get married.

88

[Tina m Garcia]: Like that's not what the

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[Robb]: No,

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[Tina m Garcia]: reason

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[Robb]: no, no,

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[Tina m Garcia]: of marriage

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[Robb]: not a real

94

[Tina m Garcia]: is.

95

[Robb]: reason, but I think that there's a reason

that if you're going to be in this long relationship,

96

[Robb]: if you're with somebody, you're with

them because you love them, obviously.

97

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, yeah.

98

[Robb]: But I think that if you want to make

sure you have somebody who can make those decisions,

99

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

100

[Robb]: that you don't have to worry about life.

And I think that's, again, the... thing of

101

[Robb]: getting married is love. If you're not,

you shouldn't get married unless you're in

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[Robb]: love with somebody, because I think

that is kind of an important thing. And mostly

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[Robb]: from the religious standpoint, the whole

point of marriage is getting married in front

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[Robb]: of God, right? Those are

105

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

106

[Robb]: the things that are important. But from

the standpoint of a younger person now, mostly

107

[Robb]: with both of us being through a divorce,

is it worth it?

108

[Tina m Garcia]: I think in its time for me,

it was definitely worth it. And I learned a

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[Tina m Garcia]: lot and I did love him and

we did have a family together. We adopted our

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[Tina m Garcia]: daughter and stuff. So I think

that for that reason, it was definitely worth

111

[Tina m Garcia]: it. But would he say that now

that the divorce is final and we had to split

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[Tina m Garcia]: everything in half? I don't

know that he would say that it was worth it.

113

[Tina m Garcia]: I don't know though, because

I don't, I never really felt like he put any

114

[Tina m Garcia]: value into all the things that

I did to keep us going. So he may say, yeah,

115

[Tina m Garcia]: she didn't deserve half by

any means. I don't know. I don't know what

116

[Tina m Garcia]: he'd say, but I don't know.

I felt like to me it was worth it at the time,

117

[Tina m Garcia]: but I saw it. He asked me for

a prenup and I said, I'm not going to marry

118

[Tina m Garcia]: your ass if you force me to

do that. And you know what? He should have

119

[Tina m Garcia]: stayed on me because now that

it's all said and done. Had he had a prenup,

120

[Tina m Garcia]: it would have been better for

him. I don't know. So for men, I wonder if

121

[Tina m Garcia]: it's better to be married.

because

122

[Robb]: Yeah, because

123

[Tina m Garcia]: they

124

[Robb]: I think

125

[Tina m Garcia]: really

126

[Robb]: we... Yeah.

127

[Tina m Garcia]: lose in the state of California

for sure. But you know, all these laws were

128

[Tina m Garcia]: written because women for a

long time weren't getting any help and they

129

[Tina m Garcia]: were raising kids and they

were stuck in poverty. So, and that was for

130

[Tina m Garcia]: generations.

131

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

132

[Tina m Garcia]: And you know, they had to fix

things. But I think in society, the way we

133

[Tina m Garcia]: do things, it's all or nothing.

It's either all this way or all that way. And

134

[Tina m Garcia]: we need to bring it back to

where it's like more of a fair. assessment

135

[Tina m Garcia]: and,

136

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

137

[Tina m Garcia]: and it's not such a, it's not

such a loss for any one person in a relationship

138

[Tina m Garcia]: because we shouldn't, we shouldn't

win from this. Like we, not that we shouldn't

139

[Tina m Garcia]: win. We shouldn't, um, we shouldn't

benefit from somebody else having to love us

140

[Tina m Garcia]: as women.

141

[Robb]: Right.

142

[Tina m Garcia]: in that regards money wise

if they don't want to be with us anymore. But

143

[Tina m Garcia]: on the other hand, we normally

stay home and take care of the kids in the

144

[Tina m Garcia]: house and everything that that

requires our attention. So I don't know. I'm

145

[Tina m Garcia]: having a hard time with the

answer to this one. I don't want to get married

146

[Tina m Garcia]: again. I, I'm kind of, um,

I kind of feel like my ex did in the beginning,

147

[Tina m Garcia]: like it's just a lot to have

to love somebody that myself in that state

148

[Tina m Garcia]: of mind again.

149

[Robb]: Mm-hmm. I think for guys it's an up

and down thing. Statistically, it's a bad thing

150

[Robb]: for guys. 80% of divorces are started

by women

151

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah,

152

[Robb]: and

153

[Tina m Garcia]: you read that to me.

154

[Robb]: then 85% or 86% are done by women if

they have a college education. So,

155

[Tina m Garcia]: Mmm, so

156

[Robb]: so...

157

[Tina m Garcia]: the smarter they are the faster

they get out of it or the more they get out

158

[Tina m Garcia]: of it

159

[Robb]: Yeah, so for me it's kind of a weird

160

[Tina m Garcia]: Ahem.

161

[Robb]: thing like And then and then on the

flip side of that men end up paying alimony

162

[Robb]: end up paying for Super crazy high child

support so

163

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm

164

[Robb]: It's kind of a lose-lose Unfortunately,

um because a woman can roll over one day and

165

[Robb]: just go yeah I'm not in love anymore

and divorce you and you get hammered And obviously

166

[Robb]: if 80% is started by women, the odds

are not in your favor.

167

[Tina m Garcia]: Right.

168

[Robb]: So

169

[Tina m Garcia]: They

170

[Robb]: it's

171

[Tina m Garcia]: definitely aren't.

172

[Robb]: yeah. So

173

[Tina m Garcia]: But

174

[Robb]: for

175

[Tina m Garcia]: I think

176

[Robb]: me,

177

[Tina m Garcia]: that...

178

[Robb]: you

179

[Tina m Garcia]: Oh, go ahead, go ahead. Keep

180

[Robb]: know,

181

[Tina m Garcia]: going.

182

[Robb]: I just think for me, it's a difficult

thing where because I'm still kind of a hopeless

183

[Robb]: romantic and think that, man, maybe

that there is somebody out there that you can

184

[Robb]: bond with and be like an old school

marriage. Like you see some of these people

185

[Robb]: have been married 65 years. And that

had to be a rough road.

186

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm. I think time though

was very different than it is now They didn't

187

[Tina m Garcia]: have social media. They had

they didn't have TVs if they're married at

188

[Tina m Garcia]: 65 years

189

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

190

[Tina m Garcia]: So they had a lot of time where

they spent together Or more working on a family

191

[Tina m Garcia]: unit and creating something

together There's there was definitely not the

192

[Tina m Garcia]: distractions that there are

today The distractions are pretty much everywhere

193

[Tina m Garcia]: if you have a phone in your

hand

194

[Robb]: Correct. It's very true. And again,

like we've talked about the social media thing,

195

[Robb]: most of the people in their 30s have

grown up with it.

196

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

197

[Robb]: So it's literally just plastered in

their hand at all moments.

198

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

199

[Robb]: Someone in our age period probably can...

can live without social media.

200

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, for

201

[Robb]: If you

202

[Tina m Garcia]: sure.

203

[Robb]: really had to hammer down and go, look,

I wanna make sure that this is something and

204

[Robb]: we're gonna get rid of all social media.

I mean, I could live without it. I, you know,

205

[Robb]: if I, with the exception of promoting

this podcast, I could get away with like, all

206

[Robb]: right, whatever. And... and live very

healthy relationship-wise without it. It's

207

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

208

[Robb]: not something I need.

209

[Tina m Garcia]: I like being able to keep in

contact with all my family members that I don't

210

[Tina m Garcia]: think I'd have much contact

with

211

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

212

[Tina m Garcia]: had we not had social media.

And because my dad is kind of like the main,

213

[Tina m Garcia]: you know, patriarch of the

family, people get ahold of me through social

214

[Tina m Garcia]: media to get in contact with

him because I don't like to give out my phone

215

[Tina m Garcia]: number to my family. If my

family has my phone number, that means I like

216

[Tina m Garcia]: them. But the ones that don't,

I don't want to start now. So for me, social

217

[Tina m Garcia]: media has been a way that I

could keep in contact with people that I don't

218

[Tina m Garcia]: want to keep in contact with.

How does that make sense? People

219

[Robb]: I get

220

[Tina m Garcia]: I don't

221

[Robb]: what

222

[Tina m Garcia]: want to,

223

[Robb]: you're saying.

224

[Tina m Garcia]: I don't want to have that much

access to me. Let's

225

[Robb]: Mm

226

[Tina m Garcia]: put it that way.

227

[Robb]: hmm. I mean, it's just and it's now

with that. It's so easy to fall in with people.

228

[Robb]: So from a relationship standpoint, look,

trust is a very, very big thing, right?

229

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

230

[Robb]: But I've said it a bazillion times.

My thing is, if you're going to cheat, you're

231

[Robb]: going to cheat regardless, it doesn't

matter. if that's either something you've decided

232

[Robb]: to do or not based on the relationship

you're in.

233

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

234

[Robb]: So if you're both working on it and

you're both communicating, at some point you

235

[Robb]: should have the testicular fortitude

or the balls to say, I'm done. and go, okay,

236

[Robb]: we need to find a way out of this. And

before it gets to the, I found someone else,

237

[Robb]: just don't get there. Fix the problem

at home, or walk away from it with dignity

238

[Robb]: and saying, look, sometimes it just

doesn't work and that's okay.

239

[Tina m Garcia]: I think the hardest part though

was walking away.

240

[Robb]: Sure.

241

[Tina m Garcia]: It was, it was, it was finding

the, what did you say? The testicular fortitude

242

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

243

[Tina m Garcia]: to walk away. I, um, we talked

about getting divorced before we finally decided

244

[Tina m Garcia]: to do it. And when I remember

it was an, an argument, because I, who wouldn't

245

[Tina m Garcia]: have said that otherwise he

said, if you want to get up and leave and I'm

246

[Tina m Garcia]: like, well, here's the deal.

It's a, we're doing, we're doing this during

247

[Tina m Garcia]: COVID. I'm going to need some

help. And he's like, no, you want to walk out,

248

[Tina m Garcia]: walk out. And I was like, Oh,

you're going to be a dick like that. But it

249

[Tina m Garcia]: forced me to stay. Did we work

on anything? No. Should, should he have maybe

250

[Tina m Garcia]: like put some effort into that

so that I could stay or would stay or felt

251

[Tina m Garcia]: good about staying? Yeah, he

absolutely should have. But that's the thing

252

[Tina m Garcia]: with marriage. I think marriage

is like, you don't know. I was 29 when I met

253

[Tina m Garcia]: him. I was 34 when I get married,

got married. My 40s kicked my ass. I'm not

254

[Tina m Garcia]: the same person. So how do

you know if you're gonna even grow with the

255

[Tina m Garcia]: person you're with when life

changes you so much? So for me, I always felt

256

[Tina m Garcia]: like 10 years was kinda like

the sweet spot. Like give it a good 10 and

257

[Tina m Garcia]: then say, okay, we could go

on our merry way and not be together. you know,

258

[Tina m Garcia]: if we still wanted to be with

each other after a while, get back together.

259

[Tina m Garcia]: But if we could have split

up at 10 and there was no hard feelings, I

260

[Tina m Garcia]: think both of us would have

hit the door.

261

[Robb]: Yeah, I mean, I made it six, but I was

with her for 10. So we were kind of in that

262

[Robb]: spot. I think that what you'll end up

doing is learning the whole thing of communication.

263

[Robb]: And I think that the younger folks are

just different. They're much more likely to,

264

[Robb]: I think, bail out quicker. So I think

that now... the divorce rate with younger folks

265

[Robb]: will, assuming they even get married.

Cause I think that that's a whole other thing

266

[Robb]: as well. I think that we're, it's so

divided on... Feminism has killed marriage

267

[Robb]: to a degree because I think everything's

the patriarchy everything's going against them

268

[Robb]: blah blah blah At which I don't think

is very true. Is there some things of course

269

[Robb]: that I would you can't get away from

that but the new killer family where you have

270

[Robb]: the provider and protector in the man

and And I hate to say the baby maker, but because

271

[Robb]: that's not exactly what I'm trying to

say, but that part of it where women are just

272

[Robb]: more nurturing. That's just a fact.

I mean,

273

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

274

[Robb]: it's been embedded in us for thousands

of years, and it works. And I'm not saying

275

[Robb]: that like we live in a world where you

almost have to have two incomes.

276

[Tina m Garcia]: You're

277

[Robb]: Unfortunately,

278

[Tina m Garcia]: right, we do, we do, absolutely.

279

[Robb]: And that's sucky. I mean, I wish that

we could go back to the provider and the man

280

[Robb]: goes to work and, and mom stays at home

and raises children. I think we'd have better

281

[Robb]: kids. Cause now we're sending these

kids to school where they're being indoctrinated

282

[Robb]: by this system. And then however you

want to put that, whatever you think. because

283

[Robb]: now they're coming home going, well,

my teacher says I don't have to do this. Well,

284

[Robb]: yeah, that's, I want them to learn math.

I don't care. I'll deal with how to raise my

285

[Robb]: children. So.

286

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, because they kind of

took religion out of schools. They you can't

287

[Tina m Garcia]: even see that you can't even

say the.

288

[Tina m Garcia]: Pledge of Allegiance without

there being an issue because the word God is

289

[Tina m Garcia]: in it.

290

[Robb]: Right.

291

[Tina m Garcia]: And I get it that people in

religion are kind of a sore subject also, but

292

[Tina m Garcia]: we grew up in a time where

we had fear. We had fear of pissing somebody

293

[Tina m Garcia]: off, you know, a family member,

a parent, you know, whomever was taking care

294

[Tina m Garcia]: of us. Plus, we were taught

to respect authority and That's not happening

295

[Tina m Garcia]: at all now. So there's really

no cause and effect for people that are growing

296

[Tina m Garcia]: up to even care one way or

another.

297

[Robb]: So do you think, I mean, obviously we've

talked about the fathers not being in a household.

298

[Robb]: That's also part of this issue,

299

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

300

[Robb]: is that we're driving men away from

what we are built to do, both

301

[Tina m Garcia]: Well,

302

[Robb]: of us.

303

[Tina m Garcia]: listen, when you have a woman

saying you're worthless, you're a piece of

304

[Tina m Garcia]: shit, get out. I didn't need

you anyway. You're just a sperm donor. I get

305

[Tina m Garcia]: it. I wouldn't stick around

for that bullshit. And I sure as hell wouldn't

306

[Tina m Garcia]: let somebody say it to me and

not want to punch him in the face. So I, I

307

[Tina m Garcia]: commend a man that has to hear

that bullshit and, and does the right thing

308

[Tina m Garcia]: by his children, whatever that

means, stay in a relationship, not staying

309

[Tina m Garcia]: in it, but, but being there

for their kids. commend a man for that because

310

[Tina m Garcia]: I don't think women should

go after a man's pride or a man's his, his

311

[Tina m Garcia]: manly hood, you know, and belittle

a man like that. I don't believe in that. There's

312

[Tina m Garcia]: there's strength in both sexes

for different reasons. And

313

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

314

[Tina m Garcia]: women are not supposed to come

at a man like a man. A woman should be using

315

[Tina m Garcia]: her, her Strengths as a woman

to come at a man and and that is her softness

316

[Tina m Garcia]: That's her nurturing

317

[Robb]: her femininity.

318

[Tina m Garcia]: side and that's how she gets

away with all of the shit I mean, that's always

319

[Tina m Garcia]: how I got away with it If you

wanted to get your way, you didn't act like

320

[Tina m Garcia]: a horse's ass you buttered

him up You did you know you did your part to?

321

[Tina m Garcia]: Make things work. It

322

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

323

[Tina m Garcia]: wasn't you're just a piece

of shit. I don't respect you now. Give me your

324

[Tina m Garcia]: cash. That's I've seen people

do it, women that do their hair, and I'm like,

325

[Tina m Garcia]: how can you be such an asshole?

It's not right.

326

[Robb]: Yeah, I think that there's, look, with

the exception of abuse, and I'm physical or

327

[Robb]: mental, those are reasons to leave your

marriage. Totally.

328

[Tina m Garcia]: Absolutely.

329

[Robb]: But to not work on the simple things,

like what to do at home, these are things that

330

[Robb]: need to be discussed way before you

ever get married, like what kind of household

331

[Robb]: do you want? How do you want to raise

children? What's your definition of love? Like

332

[Robb]: what do you want out of love? How, you

know, things of feeling way before you get

333

[Robb]: into them. I think

334

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

335

[Robb]: those are the bigger things too. Like

dating today is very bizarre to me. It's a

336

[Robb]: very short time of finding out who you

are before you can get someone in the sack.

337

[Robb]: Where I think

338

[Tina m Garcia]: Really?

339

[Robb]: that...

340

[Tina m Garcia]: Because I think that getting

somebody in a sack is actually a pre-rec for

341

[Tina m Garcia]: whether somebody even wants

to date you or not. I'm finding that. I'm like,

342

[Tina m Garcia]: yeah, I'm not going to sleep

with you that quick. Like...

343

[Robb]: But I think that that's the problem.

People are trying to get there way too quick

344

[Robb]: and not finding out who you are as a

human being.

345

[Tina m Garcia]: or how you're gonna be as a

couple.

346

[Robb]: Yeah, those are huge things to me. Those

are long lasting things. You know, sex is gonna

347

[Robb]: die for

348

[Tina m Garcia]: Don't

349

[Robb]: whatever.

350

[Tina m Garcia]: say that! Fuck, I hate

351

[Robb]: Well,

352

[Tina m Garcia]: when people say that.

353

[Robb]: but it's true.

354

[Tina m Garcia]: I hope not!

355

[Robb]: And I don't mean die, but I think that

look, as you get older, things change. I think

356

[Robb]: a healthy sex life into your 70s is

awesome. If you can do that, more power to

357

[Robb]: you. And I think that it's important

to have both romance and sex. They're two different

358

[Robb]: things. One can lead to the other, but

I think romance every day is important. I don't

359

[Robb]: see couples holding hands. And I mean

young couples. Like I see people always walking

360

[Robb]: where they're together, but they're

not physically there, like touching each other

361

[Robb]: or like I'm crazy about putting my hand

on like people's lower backs or putting my

362

[Robb]: finger in your belt loop, whatever.

But I'm a weird dude. So there's that as well.

363

[Robb]: So But I think that that's kind of a

dying thing, like being romantic or like opening

364

[Robb]: doors, those kind of things, those simple

things that make life easy. You should wonder

365

[Robb]: if you're, I'll give you an example.

I think... Everyone is so self-centered, and

366

[Robb]: I'll say this along human beings. If

you're up in the morning and you're in a healthy

367

[Robb]: relationship and you're walking to the

kitchen to get yourself coffee, the first thing

368

[Robb]: you should do is ask your mate, do you

want a coffee? I'm gonna go get one. Or would

369

[Robb]: you like anything from the kitchen?

Because I'm going to come back to the bedroom.

370

[Robb]: I'm going to pour myself a cup of coffee.

These are the small things with the, and I'm

371

[Robb]: assuming that they're awake. That's

before I get on a tangent of that. Like, no,

372

[Robb]: you shouldn't wake up your mate if they're

sleeping and go, hey, I'm gonna go get coffee,

373

[Robb]: you want one? You don't. But if

374

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah,

375

[Robb]: you

376

[Tina m Garcia]: but

377

[Robb]: come

378

[Tina m Garcia]: you

379

[Robb]: back.

380

[Tina m Garcia]: should know, you should know

by, by the type of relationship you have with

381

[Tina m Garcia]: your mate, if they're going

to want it or not also, you know what I mean?

382

[Robb]: Again, you're right. You should also

remember and learn things. I think that those

383

[Robb]: are things, like, as my memory gets,

I hate to say worse, but

384

[Tina m Garcia]: Older? No.

385

[Robb]: older, for the people that are special

in my life in relationships, thankfully we

386

[Robb]: have a phone in front of us that you

can keep notes on people.

387

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

388

[Robb]: So in my contact. of the people that

I would say I would be very interested in dating,

389

[Robb]: I keep things like sizes, colors, and

so I can remember important dates like when

390

[Robb]: I met them, these type of things. Because

those are the things that later on, and I hate

391

[Robb]: to say score points because I don't

mean it that way, but when you're doing something

392

[Robb]: and you're like, oh, I'm out, I know

she likes this, you can come back around because

393

[Robb]: those are the important things. I love

394

[Tina m Garcia]: That's

395

[Robb]: small

396

[Tina m Garcia]: that's

397

[Robb]: things.

398

[Tina m Garcia]: actually that's the intimate

part of a relationship though.

399

[Robb]: Yes.

400

[Tina m Garcia]: When you know what a person

likes or what they drink or you know, just

401

[Tina m Garcia]: whatever, you know,

402

[Robb]: Yeah.

403

[Tina m Garcia]: it's, it's one of those things

where, oh, he knows me

404

[Robb]: Yeah,

405

[Tina m Garcia]: or she knows me. Yeah.

406

[Robb]: yeah, you're on your way home, you just

get tacos, because you know. It's

407

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

408

[Robb]: like, hey, I picked these up on the

way home. I wanted some tacos, I picked us

409

[Robb]: up something, here you go. And for us,

I think in our age, the relationships that

410

[Robb]: we're getting into, generally, our kids

are gonna be gone.

411

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

412

[Robb]: So I think that the intimate part. So

if you're in an older relationship or a brand

413

[Robb]: new one before kids, because kids are

a whole other thing, you need to have things

414

[Robb]: that are strong points of mostly what

you believe in in the world, where you're at,

415

[Robb]: morally. religiously I think is an important

thing on both sides because those are the things

416

[Robb]: that are that are going to build your

Foundation going forward. So if you're 25 and

417

[Robb]: you meet somebody You're probably going

to change Over the years and and how you see

418

[Robb]: things is how you're gonna build that

relationship at our age You're going into a

419

[Robb]: relationship where you're probably not

going to change much morally You know, we're

420

[Robb]: pretty much set in stone. You pretty

much what you see is what you get. So

421

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

422

[Robb]: you have to be on the same page of what

you want in life, where you see yourself, you

423

[Robb]: know, going forward. Do you want do

you want marriage? Do you want to have a strong

424

[Robb]: relationship? Do you want to? if not

being married legally, do you want to wear

425

[Robb]: rings? Because I think that that can

be something that in our space that it's OK

426

[Robb]: to do if you're not legally married,

if that's not a road you want to go down. That

427

[Robb]: there has

428

[Tina m Garcia]: Right.

429

[Robb]: to be a commitment to this relationship.

because marriage to me, I would still do it.

430

[Robb]: I'm a believer that if you can find

someone who, I hate to say is the one, but

431

[Robb]: there's, I don't know if there's the

one. But there's a damn close person to that.

432

[Robb]: You know, you shouldn't agree 100% because

100% is not realistic. That's someone going,

433

[Robb]: yeah,

434

[Tina m Garcia]: Not

435

[Robb]: I agree

436

[Tina m Garcia]: at all.

437

[Robb]: with you. I agree with you. It's like,

no, I agree with the concept of that, but this,

438

[Robb]: this, this, this, or whatever. I would

say if you can be 95%

439

[Robb]: is a pretty damn good

440

[Tina m Garcia]: That's

441

[Robb]: relationship.

442

[Tina m Garcia]: that's even kind of a lot to

though.

443

[Robb]: Yes,

444

[Tina m Garcia]: For sure.

445

[Robb]: I'm trying to be nice. Let's say 90%

because 10% off, but what is the 10%? That's

446

[Robb]: where you have to find

447

[Tina m Garcia]: The

448

[Robb]: out.

449

[Tina m Garcia]: 10% can't be your beliefs in

God or religion. It can't be in the type of

450

[Tina m Garcia]: lifestyle you want to leave,

live. It can't be in whether or not you want

451

[Tina m Garcia]: children. Like it can't be

if the type of if you want to live in a house

452

[Tina m Garcia]: or a motor home and drive around

the country like there are those things that

453

[Tina m Garcia]: just can't be negotiated. You

know what I mean? Those are big things that

454

[Tina m Garcia]: will definitely terror. a couple

apart, but there's so many things that I didn't

455

[Tina m Garcia]: agree with with my ex and we

still got along, you know, but there's that

456

[Tina m Garcia]: I think for me, I feel like

if you're going to be married, you got to remember

457

[Tina m Garcia]: that this is your person that

you need to put time into. You need to respect,

458

[Tina m Garcia]: you need to have some sort

of admiration. You need to feel feelings towards

459

[Tina m Garcia]: the person. And if you don't

feel those feelings like in an intense way,

460

[Tina m Garcia]: you're probably doing the wrong

thing.

461

[Robb]: Correct.

462

[Tina m Garcia]: And you don't marry just because

you get somebody knocked up. You don't marry

463

[Tina m Garcia]: just because you got knocked

up. You don't marry because, you know, you're,

464

[Tina m Garcia]: you're thinking that nobody's

ever going to love you. If that's the case,

465

[Tina m Garcia]: fuck work on yourself. Like

really there, you know, there's, there's no

466

[Tina m Garcia]: reason to be with somebody

because you need something. It's got to be

467

[Tina m Garcia]: because you want to be a part

of something bigger than

468

[Robb]: Mm

469

[Tina m Garcia]: yourself.

470

[Robb]: hmm. Yeah, there's no settling.

471

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-mm.

472

[Robb]: I think if you're settling that there's

a problem

473

[Tina m Garcia]: Yes.

474

[Robb]: because we don't we don't settle on

small things. Like you don't settle on a car.

475

[Robb]: You buy the car

476

[Tina m Garcia]: night.

477

[Robb]: you want. You don't settle on the home

with the exception of maybe being really young.

478

[Robb]: And you're like, well, we'll have a

condo first, but we want a house later.

479

[Tina m Garcia]: That's still not settling.

That's the difference between I'm going to

480

[Tina m Garcia]: rent for the rest of my life

versus I'm going to buy something. That's a

481

[Tina m Garcia]: different, you know, there's

steps to that. So

482

[Robb]: Correct.

483

[Tina m Garcia]: I wouldn't even.

484

[Robb]: To me, it's finding, you're kind of

right. It's the one. The only, and I think

485

[Robb]: that, and I've had children, there is

no one bigger than the other. People go, oh,

486

[Robb]: well, my kids come first and then my

mate. No, they're the same. If

487

[Tina m Garcia]: You

488

[Robb]: you're

489

[Tina m Garcia]: know,

490

[Robb]: not

491

[Tina m Garcia]: my

492

[Robb]: looking

493

[Tina m Garcia]: client,

494

[Robb]: on the same level as that, there's

495

[Tina m Garcia]: my client

496

[Robb]: a problem.

497

[Tina m Garcia]: always told me, your, your

husband comes first. Kids leave you. Your husband

498

[Tina m Garcia]: stays.

499

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

500

[Tina m Garcia]: You put him first always. It's

not, oh, if the boat is drowning, who do you

501

[Tina m Garcia]: take your kid or your husband?

No, you grab your husband. He helps you take

502

[Tina m Garcia]: care of the kid. Period.

503

[Robb]: Hmm.

504

[Tina m Garcia]: It's you and him as a unit

first. And I didn't agree with that for a long

505

[Tina m Garcia]: time, because I was raised

a little bit differently where my parents would

506

[Tina m Garcia]: have done whatever they had

to do to keep us safe. But now that I look

507

[Tina m Garcia]: at things, she's really right.

Like you don't have your kids with you forever.

508

[Tina m Garcia]: They're not gonna stick with

you. And not always are they gonna do right

509

[Tina m Garcia]: by you either. But your mate,

the person that chose you, the person that

510

[Tina m Garcia]: stood up and said, I do, that's

the person who's supposed to. That's the person

511

[Tina m Garcia]: who normally does.

512

[Robb]: Correct.

513

[Tina m Garcia]: And that's, that's got to be

solid.

514

[Robb]: Well, and as you grow older, and let's

say you were married or were in a relationship,

515

[Robb]: and now you're out and you have kids,

516

[Robb]: how much of your kid should be involved

in finding love? Do I want my child to love

517

[Robb]: or like who I'm with? 100%.

518

[Tina m Garcia]: Why not?

519

[Robb]: But that being said, I also have to think of my well-being.

You're right, my child is going to move and live with someone else and get married

520

[Robb]: and have their own children. I should be happy.

I should be with someone who makes me utterly happy.

521

[Robb]: And do I hope that... .. we have family

outings and my kid wants to come and be around

522

[Robb]: my spouse, of course. I hope that that,

I mean, because who doesn't want that? But

523

[Robb]: I also can't worry about every day,

like does my kid like him? Does my kid like

524

[Robb]: her? Does this? I can't do that. I love

being with the person and I'm with them 90%,

525

[Robb]: 95% of the time now that my kids are

older. I have to worry about the longevity

526

[Robb]: of how I feel. And if this person is

bringing me joy, my kid should understand that

527

[Robb]: that's important to me. They shouldn't

alienate themselves from my life because they

528

[Robb]: don't like the person I'm with or they're

upset that, you know, I chose this person over

529

[Robb]: someone else who was in my life before.

That's

530

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

531

[Robb]: craziness. In that case, every relationship

going forward is going to be judged on your

532

[Robb]: mom or dad. So if I was divorced, is

my son always going to go, well, she's not

533

[Robb]: like mom, so I don't like her? It's

like, well, wait a second.

534

[Tina m Garcia]: That's

535

[Robb]: You

536

[Tina m Garcia]: kind

537

[Robb]: can't.

538

[Tina m Garcia]: of the point to divorcing and

moving on.

539

[Robb]: Yeah, because look, relationships that

you've been in fail for whatever reason. It

540

[Robb]: wasn't the right person. It wasn't the

right time. Um, I was with them at the time

541

[Robb]: because they got me from. point A to

point B, but I want to be at C. Like there's

542

[Robb]: people that have been in my life that

I dated that weren't going to be anything,

543

[Robb]: but a time period, right? And I dated

a younger girl for a while, for like five or

544

[Robb]: six months. And for whatever reason,

that was a part of my life. that I needed to

545

[Robb]: get through to get to something else.

And hopefully that is the person that is for

546

[Robb]: me. So my kid has seen different people

and understands and I think he knows that if

547

[Robb]: I pick the right person for me, I'm

going to see them as the right person for me.

548

[Robb]: And I want him to be involved in that

relationship. And I've been in in in situationships

549

[Robb]: where someone was like, Oh, your kid

doesn't like me. It's like, no, my kid does

550

[Robb]: like you because he's told me. But stop

looking too far ahead of that. My kid is going

551

[Robb]: to stand by me because he understands

what's right for me. Because I've done the

552

[Robb]: same for him. You know, he's

553

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

554

[Robb]: brought around girls that. Do I necessarily

think they're a future for him? No, but I don't

555

[Robb]: say anything to him because he has to

learn and live. That's what we all do. It's

556

[Robb]: no different than, let's say your kids

leave the house and you have several of them

557

[Robb]: and one gets married, one has children

with someone but isn't married and one is on

558

[Robb]: his own. So now you have your three

kids and they're out about. When you get...

559

[Robb]: to having a large family outside of

that, the marriage matters, right?

560

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

561

[Robb]: But you're not gonna go to your children

and go, well, I don't like your baby daddy,

562

[Robb]: you should leave him. And I hope you

stay with your husband no matter what because

563

[Robb]: I like him. I don't care if you're unhappy

in your marriage, you stay with him because

564

[Robb]: he's

565

[Tina m Garcia]: That's

566

[Robb]: good

567

[Tina m Garcia]: the

568

[Robb]: for

569

[Tina m Garcia]: right

570

[Robb]: you.

571

[Tina m Garcia]: thing to do.

572

[Robb]: It's like, no, you should, you should

back your, your children's decisions just like

573

[Robb]: they should back yours. It's going

574

[Tina m Garcia]: Absolutely.

575

[Robb]: to happen. And I hope that in marriage,

those are the things that happen. If, if I

576

[Robb]: decide to marry someone, I, I hope that

my son is my best man in standing next to me

577

[Robb]: and knowing

578

[Tina m Garcia]: That

579

[Robb]: that.

580

[Tina m Garcia]: would be kind of cool, huh?

581

[Robb]: knowing that he understands that I'm

in love with this person and that I've made

582

[Robb]: the conscious decision to have you join

her family as well and that I'm going to have

583

[Robb]: her family join mine. um whatever that

is um whether it's my parents her parents her

584

[Robb]: kids my kids whatever that is that's

what marriage should be about and i'm i'm kind

585

[Robb]: of dragging that these poor kids that

now that don't have that same mentality now

586

[Robb]: it's just why get married i want to

i want to live the way I want to live and I'll

587

[Robb]: get married later. And then they're

going to wake up one day and realize that that

588

[Robb]: time has passed them by.

589

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

590

[Robb]: We still came from the generation of

being married at 25. Now people are like, I'm

591

[Robb]: not going to get married until I'm in

my mid thirties, even close to 40, because

592

[Robb]: I want to live my life and I want to

do my things. This is why the birth rate is

593

[Robb]: so low in this country.

594

[Tina m Garcia]: Well, also I think it has something

to do with the fertility issues that everybody

595

[Tina m Garcia]: is having too, from all the

chemicals in our food.

596

[Robb]: Yeah, well.

597

[Tina m Garcia]: That's a big part of it. Everybody

I know seems to be having issues with that.

598

[Robb]: Well, from what I heard too, because

my friend down the street who's a nurse says

599

[Robb]: that young men are coming in because

she works in a clinic and young men are having

600

[Robb]: erectile dysfunction issues.

601

[Tina m Garcia]: What?

602

[Robb]: Yes, young men

603

[Tina m Garcia]: Is that

604

[Robb]: and that's

605

[Tina m Garcia]: is that that's gotta be food,

yeah?

606

[Robb]: That's what she thinks as well. It's

what's being put in this food that is fucking

607

[Robb]: people up. It's, and I'm not talking

like 40 year old men. I'm talking 30, 28, 27

608

[Robb]: year old men coming in literally saying

like, it's not always working. So, yeah,

609

[Tina m Garcia]: Wow.

610

[Robb]: because we were talking about it, because

obviously men in my age are, it's when the

611

[Robb]: offset, right? After 40s, men will have

issues. She was saying, yeah, it's young dudes

612

[Robb]: and it's not just one or two, it's becoming

rampant. That there's lots of issues with that.

613

[Robb]: And so let's say it's both sides. Now

you have guys who can't get it up. who can't

614

[Robb]: have children. We're like literally

running away from each other now. And let's

615

[Robb]: say it does work, and then you're having

the issue of can't having a baby, or you have

616

[Robb]: a girl who can have children, but the

guy can't do it. And then what does that do

617

[Robb]: for their sex life? You have women who

think, he's not attracted to me. you know,

618

[Robb]: or obviously you're not into me because

that's not happening. It's like, and in the

619

[Robb]: poor guy's head, he's like, no, I am

super turned on by you. I see you as this bright

620

[Robb]: light and I'm sexually attracted to

you, but I'm having this issue. I couldn't

621

[Robb]: imagine in that happening in my twenties.

And from what she

622

[Tina m Garcia]: No,

623

[Robb]: says,

624

[Tina m Garcia]: that would

625

[Robb]: it's

626

[Tina m Garcia]: be

627

[Robb]: happening.

628

[Tina m Garcia]: devastating because even as

a woman you wouldn't know how to deal with

629

[Tina m Garcia]: that. You would be devastated

if you were

630

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

631

[Tina m Garcia]: going through that and he's

got to be just mortified. That's

632

[Robb]: Horrible.

633

[Tina m Garcia]: that's got to be a horrible

thing.

634

[Robb]: So, so marriage, so you have all these

things working against you, where I think marriage

635

[Robb]: is still something that people should

share. I think it's going to be a problem though

636

[Robb]: going forward. I think the the the 20s

generation, so let's say people in high school

637

[Robb]: right now will say 17, 17 to 25.

638

[Tina m Garcia]: disease

639

[Robb]: There's going.

640

[Tina m Garcia]: generation?

641

[Robb]: Yeah. Exactly what we just talked about

is

642

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

643

[Robb]: going to have a huge marriage problem.

I think you're gonna see people just wanting

644

[Robb]: to party and It'll be I'm just doing

my own thing And I'm gonna do my own thing

645

[Robb]: until I decide not to Because women

want to have a career and do all these things

646

[Robb]: before they get married By the time

they get married who's gonna want I mean, I

647

[Robb]: don't know. I would not want to try

to start a family at 40 For one, it's not fair

648

[Robb]: to the child.

649

[Tina m Garcia]: No.

650

[Robb]: I mean, even me, I was, we started trying

when I was 30 years old.

651

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

652

[Robb]: And I did the math. I was like, I don't

wanna show up to his graduation looking like

653

[Robb]: grandpa.

654

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

655

[Robb]: So I was like, I'll be 50 something

years old, which was perfect. And for people

656

[Robb]: who know me that listen to the show,

like I... I think I look close to my age. I

657

[Robb]: probably, I think I look in my like

mid forties. And it probably, a lot of it has

658

[Robb]: to do with like, I have a lot of tattoos

and piercings and a bunch of other things.

659

[Robb]: So that probably brings me down a little

bit, but I couldn't imagine being 40 years

660

[Robb]: old, having a first child. By the time

they graduate high school, you're in your early

661

[Robb]: sixties. I mean,

662

[Tina m Garcia]: That's crazy.

663

[Robb]: that's crazy to me. And

664

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

665

[Robb]: I guess it's becoming like the new thing.

Like, again, like, 40 is the new 50, or, you

666

[Robb]: know, 40 is the new 30, or whatever

the fuck it is. I can't see it going forward.

667

[Robb]: on a lot of things

668

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

669

[Robb]: men have so much to lose so do you want

to do it and and like you said prenuptial agreements

670

[Robb]: i think maybe as we get older would

be easier i guess if i got with somebody who

671

[Robb]: who had a house and and a you know money

to lose If I believed in the love, I would

672

[Robb]: easily say, it's your house, you earned

this over the years of your life, I don't wanna

673

[Robb]: take it from you. And vice versa, whatever

I brought into it. If I had, you know,

674

[Robb]: objects that I don't wanna lose, or

things that were important to me of value,

675

[Robb]: money, whatever, you sign a prenup and

you go look. You keep your shit if this doesn't

676

[Robb]: happen and I'll keep mine. And everyone

walks away with no harm, no foul in your fifties.

677

[Robb]: You know what I mean? Where

678

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

679

[Robb]: it's just hard to, it's hard to, um,

pick yourself back up after that kind of damage

680

[Robb]: later in life. So if you get a divorce

in your fifties and you're like, look, we fell

681

[Robb]: out of love, it didn't work. whatever

the circumstances are, I wish you well with

682

[Robb]: no hate and there's no infidelity. There's

no nothing. It's just, it didn't work out.

683

[Robb]: You go along your way. I think that

684

[Tina m Garcia]: Yep.

685

[Robb]: the problem with like a state like California

is since it's even if, if, if the woman cheats,

686

[Robb]: she can wake up the next day and go,

I want a divorce and she still gets everything.

687

[Robb]: There's, there's no, there's no issue

whose fault it was. This is a no fault state.

688

[Robb]: So you're kind of screwed, you know,

where it's, I think that can be, that can derail

689

[Robb]: another thing for marriage too, is that

it's just too easy for young people to hop

690

[Robb]: to the next person.

691

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, it is. It's

692

[Robb]: Bye.

693

[Tina m Garcia]: too easy for anybody too, actually.

694

[Robb]: Yeah, I mean these days I think that

is true. Again, we've talked about the social

695

[Robb]: media and it's just too easy to get

in contact with people that you haven't heard

696

[Robb]: of and seen in so many years that you

go down that road and I think that those are

697

[Robb]: the things that have to be talked about

well early

698

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

699

[Robb]: into the relationship.

700

[Tina m Garcia]: Well,

701

[Robb]: Early,

702

[Tina m Garcia]: and

703

[Robb]: early.

704

[Tina m Garcia]: again, take your time getting

to know somebody because, you know, that's

705

[Tina m Garcia]: the one thing that you should,

that you should use your time for to get to

706

[Tina m Garcia]: know somebody to like, see

if you even want to date them, see if you even

707

[Tina m Garcia]: want to have sex with them,

not just like, I'm going to do it and then

708

[Tina m Garcia]: decide after the fact, like,

come on, put some effort into it. And, and

709

[Tina m Garcia]: if you do, you'll have a better

relationship. Whether it's just friends or

710

[Tina m Garcia]: it's more than that. Like you

just need to put some time in and and marriages

711

[Tina m Garcia]: should not be taken lightly.

They just shouldn't and you really have to

712

[Tina m Garcia]: look at are you in love with

this person? Are you doing it because you do

713

[Tina m Garcia]: love them or is something else

going on? Because if something else is going

714

[Tina m Garcia]: on, that is the wrong thing

to do. It's just the wrong thing to do. It's

715

[Tina m Garcia]: not going to make you any happier.

It's not going to make your life any better.

716

[Tina m Garcia]: You're always going to be looking

for what you didn't have, which was that closeness,

717

[Tina m Garcia]: that intimacy, that love. So

you got to have some faith and time and get

718

[Tina m Garcia]: to know people, really get

to know them. Don't just, social media is great.

719

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, you can see the pictures.

Oh, how cute. She's taking it from the right

720

[Tina m Garcia]: angle. He's got his kid with

him, whatever the hell it is, but like learn

721

[Tina m Garcia]: about the person. Talk to the

person. Be... be close, be affectionate, but

722

[Tina m Garcia]: take it slow. Take things

723

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

724

[Tina m Garcia]: slow. Everybody is in such

a hurry to grow up. I was, I totally was. I

725

[Tina m Garcia]: didn't get married till I was

34, but like I was in a hurry to grow up for

726

[Tina m Garcia]: sure. And now I look back and

go, what the hell was I thinking? Oh, I would

727

[Tina m Garcia]: have made such different choices

had I just slowed the heck down.

728

[Robb]: Mm-hmm,

729

[Tina m Garcia]: You know,

730

[Robb]: I agree.

731

[Tina m Garcia]: it didn't, it, I don't know.

732

[Tina m Garcia]: gonna be a good or a bad thing

in your life, you just have to roll with it.

733

[Tina m Garcia]: And that's all you could do.

I mean, there's no guarantees, absolutely.

734

[Tina m Garcia]: And anything could change anybody

at any time. But I think that that's a walk

735

[Tina m Garcia]: that you should be doing with

a person and hopefully they'll let you continue

736

[Tina m Garcia]: to do it. And if you could

do that, then by all means be married. But

737

[Tina m Garcia]: if you can't, or if you can't

be... Faithful or if you can't you can't see

738

[Tina m Garcia]: you spend the rest of your

life with persons probably not a good idea

739

[Robb]: Correct. I think you said it best was

take it slow and learn who someone is.

740

[Tina m Garcia]: Don't

741

[Robb]: That

742

[Tina m Garcia]: skip

743

[Robb]: should be

744

[Tina m Garcia]: the

745

[Robb]: the most

746

[Tina m Garcia]: steps,

747

[Robb]: fun.

748

[Tina m Garcia]: the steps,

749

[Robb]: Yeah.

750

[Tina m Garcia]: the steps of getting to know

somebody, of hearing what their favorite everything

751

[Tina m Garcia]: is, of seeing how they act

in certain situations. Like, you know, everything

752

[Tina m Garcia]: down to like, if you get a

flat tire and they're with you, how are they

753

[Tina m Garcia]: gonna act when you get a flat

tire? You know what I mean? Like, if a person

754

[Tina m Garcia]: shows up, that's a good person.

If a person's like not helping you out or not,

755

[Tina m Garcia]: Not trying to get you through

it or be there with you while you're doing

756

[Tina m Garcia]: it. That's not a good person

to be with because if a flat tires got somebody

757

[Tina m Garcia]: stumped, what else is going

to get them stumped? Like what else are you

758

[Tina m Garcia]: going to go without because

they're not capable? You need to know shit

759

[Tina m Garcia]: like

760

[Robb]: You need to be able to take someone

to the things that make you happy and see how

761

[Robb]: they react and then You go to the same

for them If you're the person who likes to

762

[Robb]: stand on the beach and watch the sun

go down And you're not with someone who likes

763

[Robb]: to watch the sun go down. There's probably

going to be issues long run These are the the

764

[Robb]: small things that that you talk to about

and and text about early and when you're having

765

[Robb]: conversations together where there's

not friends around and you're finding out these

766

[Robb]: small gestures of what makes someone

tick. Those are the things that are going to

767

[Robb]: make you a happier couple later on.

It's not the partying with all your friends

768

[Robb]: together. Those are social events. You

need to be able to find out who someone is

769

[Robb]: deep down inside and fall for that person.

The person

770

[Tina m Garcia]: Absolutely.

771

[Robb]: who's going to be there during the argument

and not walk off and leave you alone.

772

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

773

[Robb]: The person who's going to fight and

go,

774

[Robb]: morning and we're not going to run from

each other we're gonna run towards each other

775

[Robb]: to find out what makes this relationship

work because

776

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

777

[Robb]: I don't want to be with someone who's

gonna be a runner don't run away don't lean

778

[Robb]: on someone at work don't go over here

and talk to this person talk to me fix it if

779

[Robb]: not we'll understand more that we're

falling apart and if we're gonna fix that or

780

[Robb]: if we're going to decide to end it but

running away or being the lesser person and

781

[Robb]: just standing up and walking away and

leaving someone behind is the worst part of

782

[Robb]: anything. Don't do that to me.

783

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

784

[Robb]: I, look, we're together and it's okay.

You can be mad at me. There's nothing wrong

785

[Robb]: with that. Sometimes you've got to hurt

someone's feelings to make sure that everyone

786

[Robb]: understands that the marriage means

something. Um, and, and again, fight for the

787

[Robb]: right things and fight for the small

things. The small things

788

[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.

789

[Robb]: are what make life worth living. I wrote

something down the other day and I was driving

790

[Robb]: around and this is what, uh, I said,

the secret to a relationship is to cherish

791

[Robb]: the small things, not complain about

them.

792

[Tina m Garcia]: Very true.

793

[Robb]: And I think that's the biggest thing.

Cherish those small things. They mean something.

794

[Robb]: Sometimes it's the crack in a smile

or a look in the eye that can change your day.

795

[Robb]: It's something I think that people are

missing out on. I heard something that was

796

[Robb]: a... on a podcast that I listened to

and I found it very interesting. It's called

797

[Robb]: Hoflation. Yes, and I said that like

H-O-E. That today someone has to work four

798

[Robb]: or five times harder to find someone

twenty times worse than their grandma.

799

[Tina m Garcia]: Oh shit.

800

[Robb]: So a guy who... who your grandfather

had to not work very hard to catch someone

801

[Robb]: as good as your grandmother than someone

does today, which is scary to me because your

802

[Robb]: women like your grandma or men like

your grandfather don't exist today. They're

803

[Robb]: not willing to put in that work. We're...

And I hate to keep harping that our generation

804

[Robb]: is good, but I think we're the last

generation to have that in us. Like we're willing

805

[Robb]: to work on a relationship. We're willing

to at least You know, if the girl you're with

806

[Robb]: wants to go to couple therapy, or the

man you're with wants to do it, he's putting

807

[Robb]: up a flare saying he wants to make it

work. Now people just say, fuck it, and go,

808

[Robb]: ah, whatever, I'm leaving. And won't

even text you back. You might be in a relationship

809

[Robb]: for months and just someone just disappears.

They just ghost you. They're gone. Like...

810

[Robb]: I don't want that shit. I like be straight

up with me. We date, we do this, we do this,

811

[Robb]: we do this. And at some point if you're

starting to bleed out of that and go, look,

812

[Robb]: maybe this isn't working, be upfront

with me, just say, it's not working anymore.

813

[Robb]: And I'm gonna do the same. Like sometimes

the person that you think you should be with

814

[Robb]: isn't the one and that happens.

815

[Tina m Garcia]: Right.

816

[Robb]: And there's nothing wrong with that,

but test the theory. but be upfront with the

817

[Robb]: people that you're with. If you're in

something that you don't wanna be in, get out

818

[Robb]: of it, for fuck's sake. Don't wait around

thinking, is this the person I'm gonna marry?

819

[Robb]: Find the one that you're going to marry.

If that's your end game, they're out there.

820

[Robb]: And if not, find the person you wanna

be a relationship with. Look at Kurt Russell

821

[Robb]: and Goldie Hahn. They've

822

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah,

823

[Robb]: been together

824

[Tina m Garcia]: never been

825

[Robb]: like

826

[Tina m Garcia]: married.

827

[Robb]: 40 years, they're not married. They've

never got married. And they've been together

828

[Robb]: that long. It can happen. But I think

you have to be willing to make the step to

829

[Robb]: fix a relationship to find the person

to get married.

830

[Tina m Garcia]: I agree.

831

[Robb]: And that's out there. I hope young people

go back to that. I hope that we go back to

832

[Robb]: having a bond that means something that's

more than just a legal piece of paper. It should

833

[Robb]: be. Sure, if the state wants to see

that you're married, that's awesome, but make

834

[Robb]: the ring mean something. And it doesn't

have to be a 25-karat ring. It needs to be

835

[Robb]: something that means something. It can

be bands

836

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

837

[Robb]: and still mean the same thing. ["The

Ring Means

838

[Tina m Garcia]: We

839

[Robb]: Something"]

840

[Tina m Garcia]: need to get back to where things

mean something, not how big something is before

841

[Tina m Garcia]: it has value. You know, cause

I hear that a lot. My ring when I got married,

842

[Tina m Garcia]: wasn't, wasn't a big ring.

It wasn't tiny, but it wasn't a big ring and

843

[Tina m Garcia]: I freaking love that ring.

And then you know, you build on that. Like

844

[Tina m Garcia]: we got it. I had an engagement

ring and I had other other jewelry, but that

845

[Tina m Garcia]: ring until it got stolen and

when my house was robbed, that, that meant

846

[Tina m Garcia]: everything to me. Cause that

meant he said yes for me, to me, with me, you

847

[Tina m Garcia]: know, I kind of dug that and

it wasn't about the size and I have friends

848

[Tina m Garcia]: that got married when they

were in their early twenties. They got these

849

[Tina m Garcia]: little tiny rings. They're

so adorable. And they won't change them and

850

[Tina m Garcia]: they don't want them bigger

because they feel like that's their lucky charm.

851

[Tina m Garcia]: And I'm like, I love that.

That is

852

[Robb]: Yeah.

853

[Tina m Garcia]: not about what he got you.

It's about

854

[Robb]: about what

855

[Tina m Garcia]: why

856

[Robb]: it means.

857

[Tina m Garcia]: you wear it. Yeah. That's

858

[Robb]: Yeah, for sure.

859

[Tina m Garcia]: kind of cute. I think it's

so special and I admire them for that. I don't

860

[Tina m Garcia]: look at them and go, wow, he

was cheap. You know, I'm like, I really admire

861

[Tina m Garcia]: the fact that you've been together

so long. And you had to grow to have what you

862

[Tina m Garcia]: have. I

863

[Robb]: Mm-hmm.

864

[Tina m Garcia]: think that's fantastic. And

865

[Robb]: Yeah. So,

866

[Tina m Garcia]: that's what a relationship

should be. It should be growing together, not

867

[Tina m Garcia]: finding ways to fuck each other

over.

868

[Robb]: Yeah, I think going forward if I do

ever get married again, I want it to be very

869

[Robb]: small. Like, very small. Like,

870

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

871

[Robb]: maybe a handful of friends and my family.

And then if you decide to have a reception,

872

[Robb]: that's when you have a party.

873

[Tina m Garcia]: throw a party. Yeah.

874

[Robb]: But my wedding will be very small, very

intimate, because I want it to be about the

875

[Robb]: person I'm with that they understand

that it's not a spectacle, it's love.

876

[Tina m Garcia]: And on that we should call

it quits because

877

[Robb]: We should,

878

[Tina m Garcia]: we're

879

[Robb]: because

880

[Tina m Garcia]: at about

881

[Robb]: we're way ahead.

882

[Tina m Garcia]: 56 minutes,

883

[Robb]: I

884

[Tina m Garcia]: we're

885

[Robb]: know,

886

[Tina m Garcia]: going

887

[Robb]: look

888

[Tina m Garcia]: over.

889

[Robb]: at that. And yeah, anything else you

wanna say before we head out of here?

890

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, just check out our socials

on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and make

891

[Tina m Garcia]: sure you like and follow us

wherever you listen to podcasts.

892

[Robb]: Yes, share the show, send this to your

893

[Tina m Garcia]: Share.

894

[Robb]: friends and say, hey,

895

[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.

896

[Robb]: listen to these two lovely people talk

about lots of subjects.

897

[Tina m Garcia]: And thank you all for sharing

that have shared and thank you for your feedback.

898

[Tina m Garcia]: I've been getting some feedback,

which is kind of cool. And keep listening.

899

[Robb]: keep listening and this opinion show.

So don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every

900

[Robb]: Wednesday and we'll see you in a week.

Talk to you later, team.

901

[Tina m Garcia]: Bye.

902

[Robb]: Bye.