Have you ever thought that putting off a conversation you need to have with someone, doing that one big and scary task that takes a lot of dedication and commitment, or even that long-awaited vacation is truly a good idea? Drawing from personal experience, this episode examines what you are really putting off if you continue to avoid change, put off time for your self care, and making meaningful progress towards your goals.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 137 of Speaking from the Heart,

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and I know that conversation that

you've been always wanting to have

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with me is about ready to happen.

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Is it, or is it not?

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Maybe you've been putting off

something that you really needed to

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tell someone for so long, but you're

afraid of what that reaction might be.

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Maybe you already have in your head what

that outcome is, and you're afraid of

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actually going ahead and talking about

it, because having that conversation,

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let alone even having that encounter,

could be a very big, scary task in

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itself, and maybe having that idea of

what you want to say isn't really coming

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to mind because the words that you're

trying to utilize, the things that

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you need to say, are not even coming

together for you to be able to tell that

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other person what is really important.

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Today's episode goes right to the

heart of what really is the problem:

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you've been avoiding it, and avoidance

is not the deterrent to be able to do

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the things that you need to do in your

life to achieve that best version,

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let alone have the relationships,

confidence, and determination to keep

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carrying forward in your overall life.

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I have known many people, even some

clients of mine for that matter, that have

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put off that all important conversation,

that one thing that they need to have

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with somebody else, because they're

afraid of what they will say about them.

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It's been many years now since I've

been over my situation that I have

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been through, all because I didn't

want to have a conversation to myself,

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of all people, about myself, of what

needed to be done in order to change

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the outcome of a variety of different

failures that happened in my life.

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As a matter of fact, if it wasn't for

approaching and dealing with those

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conversations that I need to have, and

that I still continue to have, I would

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not be the person that I am today.

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I think that some words of wisdom

for you to hear a little bit about

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my experiences, which is why today's

episode, unlike lectures that I usually

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give, are going to go in a different

kind of direction, because I want to

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demonstrate to you why putting off that

all important conversation could not only

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hurt you, but could break you as well.

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Let's start with the business aspect.

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There's been many different times

in my life that I always thought

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that putting off a conversation

might be to my advantage.

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I might be able to give them some time.

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I might be able to give them some

opportunity to think on their own.

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They might even be able to have an

understanding, or a different kind

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of direction, that they might need to

have, if they're just willing to think

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out what are some of the things that

I have been talking about with them so

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that they can make a big difference.

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Who am I talking about?

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Prospective clients.

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I've had a few of them that have reached

out to me, asking me for what kind of

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service that I provide, giving them a

proposal after we have our conversation,

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and not hearing from them ever again.

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Follow up, after follow up, after

follow up, which I only give three

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of them, will understand to me

that they are not interested in

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my service, but I put that aside.

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I give it a shot, knowing that I needed

to have that conversation, and I attempted

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it, but the other person wasn't ready.

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That might be one type of situation

that you might face, where even if

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you try to say what's on your mind,

maybe you have something that you need

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to say, but yet that situation will

never play out because the other person

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doesn't want to meet you halfway.

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That might be one potential

outcome that you might face.

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Situation number two comes from the

fact that in my life, I've had a variety

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of different situations happen with

just people I thought were friends.

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Once I actually reach out to them after

I see what they have been punishing

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me on and Facebook or social media

for that matter, and ask them, "Hey!

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Why don't you talk to me instead of

talking to all these other people?", and

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again, they have the hesitancy of not

responding, but then they come back to

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me, which is always the most interesting

part of it all, and they tell me, "Josh.

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You're just not who I thought you were.

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I don't think you're a very good person.",

and that, is really the most shameful

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thing that I could hear from anybody else;

even people that I thought I could trust.

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I've even had people that have just

completely avoided the conversation

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to then say later on, "Yeah.

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You threatened me, and I didn't like how

you threatened me, and I didn't like how

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you talked to me.", and then I go, "In

what way did I threaten you?", and then

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they don't have any rebuttal; no response.

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To me, I think those sort of conversations

in situation number two, come from the

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fact that maybe it's the way in which

I'm approaching that conversation.

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Maybe I should have been a better team

player, or maybe had identified with

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what that person was going through before

I responded the way I did, but even

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with all the facts that I could ever be

presented with, with all the information

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that could ever be consumed, with all

the different types of research that I am

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able to muster together in order to make

an informative decision, unfortunately,

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the one variable in it comes from people,

even those that you really thought you

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could trust, that would never be able

to learn from your mistakes, let alone,

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even your opinions of what's going on.

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Situation number two happens

quite a lot also, because some

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people don't know what they want.

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Situation number three.

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I've had it in my life, even growing

up, where all the people trying to

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tell me what was going on, what was

happening in my life, and what I should

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do about it, were being completely

ignored by me, so instead of the other

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person avoiding me, I'm avoiding them.

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I'm putting off the truth.

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I'm putting off what I should have been

listening to this whole entire time.

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I should have been working on myself.

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I should have been working so hard

so that I could be able to learn and

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grow in a variety of different things

that I could achieve, not just in

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the academic sense, which was the

biggest focus of my life growing

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up, but also the relationship sense.

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Being able to fall in love.

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Being able to have kids.

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Being able to have the opportunity

to share my life with someone

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that values me the most.

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Because of my avoidance and not

working on myself, despite the numerous

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individuals that came up to me, I

wanted to listen so badly that the truth

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scared me even more and I ran away.

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That was situation number three that

might happen in your life quite often.

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No matter which way you look at it,

whether you are on the opposite end or

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you're the one that's responsible; maybe

you fall in between trying your very

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best, but you can't make any headway.

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What do you ever do, especially if

you're trying to avoid the situations

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that are happening in your life?

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How can you possibly keep moving

forward with the change that you need

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to make, time and time again, in order

to take care of yourself, but also make

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meaningful progress towards your goals?

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It's been interesting to do this podcast

because I've given you a lot of different

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suggestions on other shows, so let me

recap a few of those for those that are

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just coming in since episode 100, which

even if you've been coming in since today,

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I appreciate you being able to join me

in this adventure of self development.

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Lesson number one has been maybe you

could just avoid it altogether, but

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that's what we're talking about today,

and I don't think that's really a good

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idea, especially since this episode

is all about learning how to talk to

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those people, and maybe address those

situations, so that's not a good idea.

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We've talked about how you should learn,

in lesson number two, writing down what

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you really find to be the most purpose

driven life so that you can have your

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goals; being able to use your goals so

that you have a roadmap towards success,

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which then means that you might have

to actually talk to someone instead

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of avoiding them in the first place.

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Well, there you go.

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That might work, but

there's one big problem.

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You still have to worry about what

the other person might say or do.

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Lesson number two, although might

be a little bit better than lesson

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number one, still doesn't quite reach

the mark of where we need to be.

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Lesson number three is

about sensing the energy.

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We've had plenty of guests on the show

that have talked about their energy

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patterns and being able to utilize

them for their best versions of

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themselves, let alone their clients.

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We've had so many people that have talked

about how you can even organize, maybe

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even push the needle forward in the

things that you can entrepreneurially

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do, but there's one big problem with

that too, in lesson number three.

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Energy comes from all different places

in life, and maybe the energy that you're

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sensing isn't necessarily the precursor

to the conversation that you need to

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have, let alone even with the person

that you're trying to deal with, but also

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the people that you deal with inside.

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The psychic aspects of your own mental

acuity to be able to create those awesome

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conversations that you need to have,

so this lesson, in itself, still isn't

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quite hitting the mark of where you need

to be, but still making you one step

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closer to where you need to be; where

you could possibly be: not avoiding it.

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Yet, there's one more thing that I

haven't thought about yet, which goes

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all the way back to an episode in

which I talked about the lighthouse.

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If you remember that fateful episode

in which the image of that lighthouse

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is still available, I would love for

you to go check out my watercolor

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that I did in that mental institution

that I did back all those years ago.

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It's about what you can see in the

distance, that opportunity that

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might exist, that you never thought

you could ever achieve, but yet,

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it could be achievable today if you

just change your thoughts, patterns,

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emotions, mental energies, your

acuity, your ability to associate with

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others, but more importantly, work on

yourself to be the guiding light of

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all guiding lights for other people.

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If you could strive towards that, that

could be one way so that you never have

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to avoid another conversation again.

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They will literally come to you,

because you have finally worked

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yourself out of the situations, or

the people, or the places, that have

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put you there in the first place.

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Congratulations!

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You might have actually achieved not

avoiding a person, but, even then, you

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had to know that there had to be a but.

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There's always a but in everything

that you're trying to do, if you allow

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that but to hold you back, because

you're essentially putting conditions

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on something that should have never,

ever gotten to the place it was at.

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Putting off a conversation in order to

have it with someone so that they know

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exactly where you're coming from has

been one of the pivotal parts of many

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parts of different episodes that I've

had about this conversation of addressing

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not only the cruciality of it, but also

getting to the heart; being able to

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share that meaning, but it'll also grow

within yourself, whether it's even from

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a castle that you've built, going back

to episode 135, but I think that we have

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to understand that if we continue to

avoid the growth potential, let alone

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even the difficult conversations that

we need to have in life, we will never

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be able to achieve, let alone unlock,

the hidden potential that we have inside

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of ourselves, because instead of, "What

if?", we're always going to be asking,

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"Why didn't I do this in the first place?"

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I think we have this challenging

fear within ourselves to be able to

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overcome what might be holding us back.

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It's really the epiphany of all self

development that you would hear from

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anybody else that is an authority, let

alone even an expert, on the subject,

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but we're never going to be experts.

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Joe Schmoe over here, your podcast

host, has many different theories of how

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you can avoid how to do, what you need

to do, because you keep on putting it

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off, but it's really about having the

understanding of creating that change.

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Instead of avoiding that change; actually

putting time inside yourself so that

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you can have that self care, instead of

making those ill fated choices that you

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should have never made in the first place.

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Remember those examples from earlier?

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They all happened at various phases

of my life, even way before I tried to

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hurt myself all these years ago now, but

what I've learned from those experiences

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and what I've been able to unlock, even

inside myself, on the door of opportunity

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in which I have my hand on, I know that

freedom comes from not just overcoming the

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avoidance factor, not just understanding

that fear can be a motivation, not a

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drawback, but that when you are able to

let go of whatever it is that is holding

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you back from being able to do what

you need to do, it doesn't become big.

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It doesn't become scary.

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It becomes potential.

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I would love anything more in this

world that we unlock our potential.

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People have not been able to do

that because we've been held back

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by many different factors, including

even economical for that matter, but

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development doesn't come from economics.

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It comes from within ourselves, so saying

that money holds us back is just a facade.

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It doesn't allow us to really see what is

really on the other side of that door if

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we're able to unlock it; to just be able

to put our hand on the knob to turn it.

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We cannot be fearful of what we can

become by just avoiding as our only

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deterrent, because it's never a

deterrent to be able to be fearful of

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your whole entire existence, let alone

the hidden potential and the ability

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to be able to have a voice in this ever

changing world, because if you keep on

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avoiding, you will keep on not growing.

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If you keep on avoiding, you will

not see the best version of yourself,

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and, if you keep avoiding, nobody,

not even a coach, can help you.

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Do not let money hold you back.

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Do not let other people tell you that

you are not able to overcome, but by

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all means, by anything else that I could

ever say on this show today, it's this.

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Avoidance is not only a deterrent that

you shouldn't use, but it should not

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even exist in your vocabulary, anymore.

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I've always said that it's about finding

a coach, and I've even talked about in

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a recent episode about the importance of

having a coach even when things are good.

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This is the time in which you should

be able to find someone so that they're

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able to allow you to not avoid the

problem that you might be facing anymore.

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This is the reason why self

development can happen.

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If you decide to stop holding

yourself back, so today, I want

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you to take that first step and

stop avoiding once and for all.

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It can be so small, it can be so

insignificant, maybe to you today, but

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that significance is not measured by the

things that you do, the number of them.

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It's by the quality of what you're able

to do, and I think that having that

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conversation with someone that you've been

putting off for the longest time, so that

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you stop avoiding it, is the best step,

whether you think it's insignificant or

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not, to move in a direction that allows

you to be the best version of yourself.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 137 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.