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Interview with Nadim Saad – Part 2
Episode 8122nd December 2022 • How Not to Screw Up Your Kids • Dr Maryhan
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My next interview was so good I’ve split it into two parts! So for the next two I am joined by the excellent Nadim Saad. 

Nadim is a parenting and relationship coach and author of seven books including the highly acclaimed Kids Don’t Come With a Manual, Happy Confident Me Journal series and Raising Happy Confident Kids. Father of three and founder of The Happy Confident Company – focused on helping children become the best version of themselves. We talk parenting, how our childhood affects our parenting and the ten life skills all children needs to learn. Our conversation was so good, we had to break it up into two episodes! You are in for a huge treat.   

 

Here are the highlights: 

(01:27) The power of resilience 

(04:16) Teaching the importance of creativity 

(07:43) Kindness has a ripple effect 

(11:27) How to become a better human 

(14:41) Being present is about quality over quantity 

(18:37) What are you going to do about it? 

(22:48) The parents’ inner critic 

(26:34) The power of optimism 

(31:05) Learning to address feelings, not shut them down 

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Transcripts

Hello, and welcome to the How Not To Screw Up Your Kids' Podcast. So pour yourself a cup. Find a comfy seat and enjoy the conversation. This is episode 81 and today's episode is part two of my interview with Nadine Sar, the parenting and relationship coach, and the founder of the Happy Confident Company and author of over seven bestselling books.

We will share. The rest of the life skills that we should be teaching all of our children part of our top 10 and the give this week will be the other half. So we gave you five away last time, and this week you'll get the other five. So you'll get the full list of the 10 life skills that Naim will explain just perfectly.

So you can head over to the free resource library, dr. Mary hand.com/library, where you'll find the link to download the. All we need to do is pop in your email address and you'll get instant access, not only to this week's resource, but all the other free resources across all my podcast episodes. As ever.

If you have enjoyed this episode, I would love it if you could follow and review this podcast so that others can find us and we can spread the love. So until next time, here's Naim part two.

Then you've got the power of resilience. Huge one. Because ultimately if we, if all our children could bounce back and learn that, you know, they always have the tools to bounce back from anything, they would just go on and try everything. So that's the power of resilience is showing them that, you know, they already have the tools with the, the initial five powers.

They already have a lot to deal with, any challenge, and therefore they can take on any challenge in their life and know how to bind back. And we teach them the how to develop more. Which is, as I've mentioned several times actually, to go through frustrations through difficult times and recover from these, because that's where resilience is, is is taught.

That's where you really build resilience. And so we show them a graph, which is amazing, which is called the, the resilience graph. Anyway, I can't show it to today, but it's uh, it's a really powerful tool, . Then the seventh power is the power of. , and that's where all the ones who have the, the more than 80, 90 millions people who've seen Ken Robinson's.

Ken Robinson's stead late Ken Robinson's Ted Talk. He says, he shows how, um, schools kill creativity, unfortunately, and everything's black and white. So we teach children, as I said earlier, that creativity is something you learn, you can learn. And it's, it is both a gift you get from, um, your birth, but also something you can develop because neuroplasticity also, to creativity and it's, and, and so it's not just about the arts and about drawing it, it's about being creative and curious in every part of your life and in every, even the math problem with the way you work, you play football, all of that.

It's not fixed. It's not, there's not just one way and that helps them, you know, have complete, connect a lot more with their right brain and, and, and be a lot more in touch with their, with themselves and their whole, you know, have a more holistic approach. The eighth and it

stops the labeling as well, doesn't it, madam?

It stops them labeling. Yes. It's that, but it's also that it stops them labeling themselves as, I'm not a creative, because whether it's a cultural thing, whether it's societal, we tend to assume that creativity is to do with arts, and actually a mathematician can be incredibly creative. It's about problem solving.

It's about ideas. It's not just what you physically put on a piece of paper or on a piece of fabric or on a.

So true. Thanks for pointing that out because I, I have, the best example is actually me typo. Actually. I had a growth mindset for most things, but a total fixed mindset in my creativity and not, I thought, oh, I can't draw, I can't sing, and I'm not creative.

It took me years to realize, okay, I wrote books. I created more than six companies, , I, I actually now obviously launched pretty creative products with my team, but I participate. to finally realize, oh my God, I'm, I'm hyper creative and I love it. And this is part of the, the part of my work that I love the most.

So how could I tell myself for years, as you just mentioned, you know, that I wasn't creative. So it's so important from a nine young age, and we're talking eight to 11 year olds to teach children what creativity is and that they're, they stop the labeling, as you just said. Absolutely. Absolutely. So the, uh, eighth power is the power of mind.

And I already, for people who are the mindfulness, they'll, they'll probably think, well, I mean, they can see that a lot of the powers already relate to mindfulness because interception and, and power optimism, power of interception are already become, you know, about, identify our thoughts, identify our feelings.

That's pure mindfulness as well. But in this episode, and, and, and, and when we teach mindfulness, it's really much more about being in the present moment, learning that where you put your energy and your thoughts, actually your energy goes, and therefore, . It's really, it's about not regretting the past and not worrying about the future and that the present moment is so important.

So that's where we teach a lot of the amazing, um, breathing techniques that I could, uh, more are difficult to share, obviously on the podcast, but simple things that can really change people's life. Actually, let me share one that I only learned Yeah. You know, a year or two ago. And that is so powerful and it can be explained on the podcast because it can completely change, uh, people.

uh, basically I'm not gonna go into the whole sympathetic system. Parasympathetic system and what, but our parasympathetic system essentially is our more calm state. The sympathetic system is when we're more excited and we, we could go in, fight or flight. We're in our sympathetic system to actually reconnect to our parasympathetic and become calmer.

A very simple technique is called the psychological. and it's been developed by, uh, um, the Huberman lab. Well, basically, uh, um, you may know the amazing podcasts from, uh, uh, Andrew Huberman, uh, Stanford professor. And so they realize that people sigh, you know, you have a, typically we go, ah, we sigh. You know, it's a quite regular thing that we do naturally, but they, they actually identify how to use that side to reconnect with the parasympathetic system and to become calmer in literally 30.

Instead of just going a sigh, you actually take two quick breath, then stop at the top just for a couple, two, three seconds, and then do the sigh. So let's do it again.

So bring through the nose, through two, two breaths, quick breath, stop, and then release. And we're just doing this two or three times. Wow. The effect is, is so. So children can use this as adults when you get annoyed at your children or children when they're in exam. When I who actually, when I tell my children in exams to use it, they go, yeah, sure I can stop in the middle of an exam and go

And I tell 'em, okay, I teach them another breathing technique of that. But, but definitely before the exam, definitely do that be so you actually, you're in a, in a good mindset. So a lot of these, we teach them the breathing technique. We teach them the mind. It's just about potentially just going to garden and listening for five minutes.

It doesn't have to be about medi deep meditation, et cetera, which, which is harder for them. What we also developed meditations based on hypnosis to re, to allow children to reconnect, uh, with their best self. And so that, so these are guided meditations and that's hard, easier for kids to do. Yeah. So that's a power of mindfulness.

Then we go into the, the ninth, the power of compassion, so kindness and empathy. And, and realizing that with kindness, kindness has a ripple effect. Actually, the best way to make ourselves happy is to be kind, because when we're kind, we release oxytocin. Our body, the, the love hormone and sero, serotonin, really positive hormones, and it makes us happy.

So when we're kind to others, and then guess what happens? They be, they also developed serotonin, oxytocin, and they feel good, and then they also wanna become kinder to others. So kindness has a ripple effect, and it's a science, you know, it's scientifically, And children love this because it's just, they want to be kind actually.

And often when they're not kind, it's just because they're, they're going through challenges. So reconnecting them with their, this innate kindness they, many of them have is great. And, and then empathy. We teach them, they've got neuro neurons that actually as a species we are wired for empathy. It's just that often we shut it off.

Uh, and, and actually these neuro neurons can, so the neurons are basically the. Often we see someone do something or feel something, we'll do the same. So it can be an action. So we can actually learn by just, um, seeing. So for example, tiger Woods, he became this incredible golfer because he, he watched his, his dad practice golf for years before he ever touched, uh, you know, a golf club.

He just, with the mirror neurons, he just literally incorporat. everything. Same for everything. And, and with the feelings as well. That's why we cry, we, when we see someone crying or, well, unless we shut it off. Interestingly. Yeah. So we teach children that it's okay to actually, and, and to be empathetic. And finally the big one, the power of acceptance.

And when you do a lot of personal development work, you realize that ultimately there, it all leads to acceptance. because it's, but it's, it's the three keys to accept the, accept acceptance of ourselves. So we teach kids to accept themselves, but that we're all unique and we can go through the different parts.

We can, and we, it is about, when I mentioned my eight year old child not liking this angry part, well, it's about accepting that she's got this angry part accepting all parts of ourselves. It's also about accepting others and the fact that we're all unique and they're all, everyone's different and they, we may have different opinions, think differently, and it's.

And finally, it's about the power of what is realizing that the more we, we, we were, we're against, you know, an event. And we, we, we, we are frustrated by the event and the more it affects us and the least, the less we're actually capable of dealing with it. So accepting what is, and instead as we said, seeing, uh, you know, the power and mistakes, all of that.

Basically we use all the powers to accept and to deal with, um, any, anything that comes our way. And that's, so that's the wrap up of really accept. .

Yeah. They're so great and they're, they, it, it's, it teaches this kind of rounded individual because I think so often we get caught up in parenting the child and doing what we need to in that moment that we forget that fundamentally this child is, we're almost cus I sort of take this view that we're custodians of our children for a period of time until they become adults and.

you know, our role is to then send them off into the world to become these happy, confident individuals that then create their own world. And what I love about those 10 is that actually it's not about playing the short game. It is about playing the long game for the adults. That we are then sort of helping facilitate and, and grow into this capable individual that then, Off into the world and making their own choices and, and making those sorts of decisions.

Is that how you envisaged it when you were pulling it together?

You've, you've really absolutely hit the nail on its head. It's about becoming a better human being and therefore becoming a human being is actually something that you learn if you learn it earlier on. And that's all about prevention. I mean, everything we do is about prevention because what we realize is obviously with adolescents, with the hormones, uh, changing with the, uh, and a lot of people don't know, but actually also our.

Rewires. So we lose a lot of our neurons or synapse, et cetera, because the, the brain basically ditches what's not necessary. So it's really important that we, ideally before adolescents, we realize what is important , because then our brain rewires for the best. So when we learn these things early on, we can then apply and practice them and become, they become second nature.

So it adolescents where it becomes, We already have the tools to deal with that, with this, you know, more difficult moment and then we grow as to be better using and to better relate with ourselves so that we can better relate to others as well. So that's exactly, um, what we're trying to, to, to teach children is to be a well-rounded human being from a completely holistic approach.

And, and the 10 powers do not proceed. We've got also the power of sleep. We've got the power, uh, of movement. So these are, but these are actually skills. They're not the life skills as in from the. side of things. That's why we, we, we limit to 10 parents in our

program. Yeah. And that's crucial because the idea is then what we're then doing is preparing a whole generation with all of the knowledge and the skills so that when they become parents, and I know it's hard to believe with our, when our children in these tiny little bundles that they will at some point, If they choose, not all will choose, but if they choose to become parent, then actually they're equipped from that conception.

In terms of knowing that bit naep, I wanna take you back to something that you said around the, because I think this is really crucial around the message sort of that we are getting out to parents who are listening to this episode who will be thinking. Completely buy into what you're saying, but maybe they're struggling to put some of these things in place.

So, you know, a lot of what you said around the psychology is very much in terms of parenting can be related to leaderships and in lots of ways books will talk about us being the CEO of our own companies, which is our families, and we create the culture within those. But one of the things that I think as parents that we are not always great at, and I will admit that I am not, I've had to.

Really work on this. I'm naturally quite a bossy person. I like to take command. I like to be solution focused, is this notion of listening. It's such a crucial skill because if we listen to our children, we hear what they say and we create space for them to practice using their voice. Cuz we can teach children to use their voice, but if we don't truly listen, What they say goes on unacknowledged, and I think then leads to these clashes with teens later who don't have conversations with us because we fundamentally don't listen.

How do we so true practice and cultivate this? This power, true power of listening? Listening to, to actually take the information on, but without listening with our response order already in our. .

Well, thanks for addressing One of the things I'm mo I feel most gly of , so it's good because for example, my, it, it is so true and, and I have a, so I'm gonna start with a negative of I, where I still sometimes do is my 10 year old child is quite chatty, so I'm the lucky one who still has someone who's come, you know, often is not, I don't have to ask her how is school today?

She'll start sharing and often because I, it'll be a moment where I'm still in my work mode I'm trying to come into, but often I'll, I'll hear with half an. with a half ear or whatever the expression is, . And I realized, and, and with time I realized, well, actually she's now, and, and often I'll sometimes take my phone and just go, yeah, I'm listening to you.

Oh my God. So now I've got, basically I'm the dad who basically is always on his phone and who's never listening. And it's very difficult to now change that perspective. But what I like to, what I think is important for parents to realize is less time but quality time and really focused with with good.

Is much better than lots of time where we're not actually listening, we're not really interacting, and that is so crucial. So instead of feeling guilty of not spending enough time, it's actually more important to spend the quality time. And in this case, as you said, deep listening is so important because within, there are actually always nuggets in what she's sharing.

If you just dig a little bit more, you suddenly realize that something happened in me, friendship or something. So it's so important to. And one of the things that, that I realized, the most valuable thing is, for example, journaling from an early age. So when they have a structured journal, that's why we launch our Happy conference.

Me Mindfulness and gratitude journals, it's the best moment in the evening. It's an amazing moment where, you know, they're, everyone's mind downing, wind down and the kids love to share. But if they don't have structured journaling, it's much harder. You know, you ask them questions, they don't relate when you're asked them, what are the different ways you felt?

and they circle it and then they go, oh, actually I felt worried at that point and I felt, you know, frustrated or angry and like, oh, and they start sharing and you like discover a whole world that you, you didn't realize. And also what they're grateful for. So important to rewire their brain. We use the three wishes of fuzzy psychology.

anxiety. We've got more than:

So it's this conversation, really useful conversation that are so important and you ideally we need, it's great to have resources to trigger them. So feel IT Cards, mindfulness journalists. So it's not about our products, it's any product out there that can really help engage because often kids will, if you ask them how do you feel?

They don't always know or how you felt today, they won't over there. So it's really helpful to use some resources, some support. And then comes the when you have a problem, and that you, you, you really mentioned, it's so easy to go into solution mode. Seriously go, oh yeah, oh, you should do that. Like many parents will do that.

And that's where you've got to bite your lips and realize, my God, the most important thing I can do for my child is to get them to solve their own problems, to have the solution rather than always say, you know, rather, oh, my mom would do that. It's like, oh, what, what am I supposed to do now? And so the, the listening technique in this case is really what we call active listening is, Rephrase.

So your child is sharing something, an issue, you'll go, okay, oh, that seems to have affected you, or you that may have made you sad or, or angry or frustrated, or whatever. Try. And then the good thing is because you're kind of questioning, they'll correct you. Particularly when they have the language of feelings and the emotion literacy.

They thought correcting and say, no, actually, that's how I felt like. Okay. And then instead of saying, oh, well, well what did you, you know, what did. I hope you did this or something, which would come from me. Like, oh, you surely you did this. You just asked her what did you do? And sometimes they haven't done something.

And that's where instead of going, oh, you have to do this next time, you just go, so what are you going to do about it? The key question is, what are you going to do about it? Suddenly you've got put this problem back onto their, you know, on their shoulders. And when they have them in practice and they haven't.

They'll often go, well, I don't know, kind of looking at you, particularly if you've been the solution finder. They'll just go, well, I don't know. You're supposed to tell me , and that's where you're gonna go. Well, no, actually, you know, you're not gonna be with me all the time. And at some point you're gonna find your own solution.

So, and that's where you ask them, would you like me to give you ideas? Yeah. And that's where you can give them, you can give them two or three choices, two or three ideas. And ideally, the first. is a pretty bad one. Even if it's a funny one. For example, you, oh, maybe you could just hit your friend because you got you, you said that, and they'll look at you like kind of what, what are you saying?

But it's important that they, because the particularly younger children will tend to pick the first solution. So it's important that the first solution is not the best one. Not the best one.

I love that.

That's so, and then you go with it. Yeah. Incredible. And then you go with the second or third, and then you, what's.

you don't say, so, which one did you choose? . . You'll actually ideally say, well, good luck with this. And that's where they, obviously, you'll be biting your tongue, always wanting them to share what happened, what happened, but it'll come. So ideally, of course, you can ask, um, but if you, but don't need too insistent of wanting to know, because that's where some children who are more internalizes, they'll shut down because they don't want too much curiosity.

They want to share on their terms when they. . And that's why with Internalizers it's great to have a resource like Fill It Pack, which is basically our fill it cards where you ask children, what are you feeling, how you'd like to feel. And as they say how they're feeling, a lot of things come out or the journals or other resources that helps them express themselves.

And that's what will come out. And hopefully you'll realize that, that they apply what they thought and if they didn't, it's okay because just by going through the. , it helped them be more in control of that issue and feel that they're responsible and it just disappears. It's not a, you know, it's not a traumatic event for them because it's all about, trauma is not about the event itself.

It's about the interpretation that we have of an event. And unfortunately, small things can be traumatic to children. I only recently discovered that I felt uh, com At 13. I had, I felt completely rejected by my first, it wasn't even a girlfriend, my first. and I, and I still carried it in my body. I had to do some emotional release on that.

It was fascinating. I was like, oh my God, we really need to teach children all of these things, because then we carry rejection from an early age without even realizing it. So it, it seemed like a, such a, in a small event, I didn't realize I, you know, we just stopped kissing one day and it just, but actually I felt it like,

So anyway, I'm

not, and I think you raise a really important thing. I think that CO that comes up with parenting as well quite often is that is this notion of, it doesn't matter how we view that situation, whether it's traumatic for our child or not, whether it's insignificant or not, that their friend didn't ask them to sleep over or that they didn't choose them as a partner for an activity at school.

It's how our child interprets the event and the significance of that event that leads to. Whether it's trauma, whether it's not, you know, they talk about trauma with a capital T and a cap or a little T, but yeah, whatever we want to label it, it's how our child experiences that. And it's really important around listening, which is why I think that's such a crucial, and, and I'll put my hand up.

I am not, Always really great. It's something I have to work on. Yeah, it, but it is this. The more we actively listen, the more we create that space, the more that we are conscious and intentional of I'm putting my phone down for the next five minutes. I'm gonna be 100% present for my child. If we don't do that, then we don't pick up that for our child not being picked at the, as the partner for their friend in the class activity has significantly impacted how they feel about the.

Yeah, absolutely. And it's not to make parents feel guilty here because it's always the striped balance of, of parental guilt is useful because it makes us do something about it. But it's important to not go from guilt into shame or into feeling powerless and oh my God, all the mistakes I made. Because you could always do better.

And actually our children are mal, our brains are mallable. Our children are, you know, everyone is forgiving. But we have to, just as you just said, once we realize it's not about our perspective and convincing our children, that it wasn't that bad that we're going to help them. It's actually about realizing how bad it can be from them, and then help them re see that in a different perspective.

I love, I, I was listening to a podcast and Thomas Hubble was saying something. He's a big spiritual teacher. He's saying something so simple and, and we, and you, you relate to that because obviously we're both very big about feelings and, but, but one that I hadn't often addressed this way was fear, because I know how to address several.

a lot of emotions now, but fear, I never saw it this way, is the 99 actually, when I ask people in my, um, in my audiences, a hundred percent will, will answer. So what do you do when your child comes and says, oh, I'm afraid of something, and you don't even see anything. It's the most natural reaction is like, oh, but don't be afraid.

There's nothing to be afraid of because obviously we don't see anything to be afraid of. So, so why would we, so we're just reassuring the challenge, the thing. . It's crazy to think that, but, but it's, the reality is the child will then think, oh, I'm not supposed to feel that way. I'm not okay. Every time we deny our child in a specific feeling, that's what they think, unfortunately.

And it's, and we can't help just imagine telling the child instead, oh, you're feeling afraid. Come here. And just giving them a small hug. So we're already releasing oxytocin. So helping them rewire basically already changing their mind, their, their whole body around. And then we can reassure the child.

We've, we've acknowledged that they felt scared, whether we, you know, whether we like it or not, and we think, oh, come on. I wanna talk them up. We don't open them up by just saying, oh, there's nothing to be afraid of. Come on, just, just hide this fear. And I'm talking from a perspective that affects so me, me so much, because I never felt fear in my life.

So every time, every, so it's interesting because you think, oh, amazing. Why? Why would you want to feel. because I've basically would start project, never be afraid of anything, can speak to audience of thousands. Not afraid, supposedly. But now that I've, with deep work, I realize actually there is fear. I just shut it off com constantly and that the problem of shutting up fear is that then I'm ac not actually connected to my intuition.

And I'm not, sometimes I do things without well, being completely aware of. Or for example, speaking too fast and I'm, I'm, I'm, am I in my for like I'm doing now ? So, no, it does stay connected and for children, particularly

So it's keeping this awareness in this body mind connection is so important and that's what allows our children so feeling our, our feelings in every. And just acknowledging them and, and realize that if they're okay, I just need to manage them and manage, you know, my it, it's just wow. So empowering and so that's what we hopefully can bring to children in this whole new generation.

Yeah, and I think this notion that any feeling that we have as legitimate, we can feel anything and it's okay to experience that. So obviously, Some like fear and anxiety. We don't want to experience, they're not comfortable feelings, but it's, that's they're all alright to experience. What we're helping children is make different choices as a result of those emotions.

Ones that are more the most adaptive to them in that moment.

Exactly. And in, and in many ways because they learn the power of optimism. So it's, they're all built on each other because they're, they're learning all about that, then they're gonna feel less. and less and less overwhelm and less everything and less anger.

But it takes time. So instead of wanting to just convince a child that they shouldn't be feeling that, which we often do because we're also uncomfortable with these feelings, so we don't want our children to feel that because we don't like that either. And instead of that, by acknowledging and realizing that it's gonna take a bit of time to help them get out of it.

So, but they, but keep faith that you know what, you can help your child be less anxious, be less overwhelmed, et cetera. But it, it's gonna have to be using some t. And a bit more time rather than just telling them they're not supposed to feel that way. .

Yeah. And I think those 10 skills are things that actually as parents, as I, as you were going through them, I was busily writing them down in lots of ways are almost a template for us as parents to be able to be one looking through and, and looking at that, my power of my resilience, the power of my empathy, and the power of my introspection.

Mm-hmm. . And on that note, yeah. I'm gonna put you on the spot again in em, I will ask you as a parent, we're all a work in progress. We, we have days. We think we are absolutely nailing and acing the whole parenting gig, and then the next day we feel like we're just, you know, why? Why was I even allowed to have children?

But for you, , what are the, or maybe it's just me for you, what are the things, if you, there were, if you could sum three things up that you do for yourself as a parent to try and ground you in those 10 areas, what do you do that that work most of the time to help? .

Wow. I Please send me the question next time.

um, . So the three things, definitely anticipation. So, so being, so, being more realistic about what my children can and can do. So it being, so, it helps me be better prepared. So, for example, you mentioned, you know, different age groups. Having a child disrespect me. You know, having no speaking is really difficult for me too.

It comes also for my culture, for my dad. I, it's, even if I remind my brain, it's, it's just unacceptable. So helping myself realize, you know what, it's, it's age appropriate. They're going to, in some cases, they're really going to be disrespectful. And if I react super strongly, I'm actually doing the exact opposite.

I'm teaching them that it's okay to be disrespectful, . So the change of mindset. So to constantly re re realize that it's my mindset and in my oxygen, my upbringing that is giving me this belief is it helps me a lot because then I can just look at it more calmly and say, okay, that's not okay. You cannot speak to me like this, but I, I see that you're super angry or you're super frustrated.

Let's deal with this later. Or, or I actually, literally they learned so the same way I rewind. So that's a very useful one. Sometimes I rewind because suddenly I, you know, I, I react in the way I realize, okay, I'm not getting, get anything right now because I, I really see the opposition in front of me. So I rewind and then do it differently.

And I, I teach them to rewind as well. So if they've been disrespectful, I tell them, oh, you may want to rewind. And then they'll actually, more often than not, they'll, even though they're, you know, teens and they obviously, they, they are in resistance mode, they will do it differently. And so more respectfully, and then we can have a proper convers.

So it's, it's really the belief. So mindset, realizing that they're doing the best they can in every moment with the knowledge and tools they have. And therefore, instead of me thinking, oh, they're horrible children right now is like, oh wow, they're, they're angry teen who's not managing their emotions. So this change of mindset really helped.

So, and I, and, and I have to admit, that's where you say what I do regularly. It's because I have to remember my, remind myself all the time. So that's why it's a, it's a self-care routine to go, okay, one second, for example, something's happen and they're not gonna be happy. I'd better be prepared for, you know, but they're doing the best they can right now.

And so I, I'm, and the best I can is to help them go through this in a d. . So that's a big one. The rewind is that I just mentioned is a, you know, is, is a big one of, of, but no sorry, it, it's not part of the 10 powers. So, so this, the change of mindset is really so catching my belief. So the, so this, um, the other one is really the feeling, the power of interception is something the reason every thought.

My, uh, several therapists have told me that obviously I'm doing, I'm writing what I'm writing because I'm the one who needs it the most. Because this is the reality and, and, and, and the power of interception is something that hasn't come easily to me because I shut off my feelings for many, many years.

And so I read to regularly practice re remember that actually, even if it's not a big feeling, that because I tend to shut them off when I feel something. It's important that I use my fill cards because when I, when I think, oh, well, when I think, you see, I just said it. When I think, what am I feeling? It's difficult for me to connect to that, these feelings.

I'm not a hundred percent sure. And sometimes I feel like, oh my God, I can't, I can't feel my feelings again. It's so I go into this, uh, inner bully of like, oh no, again, I can't feel my feeling. And that's why I use my Feel IT cards because then with using cards, instead of just trying to think about the feelings, you use a different part of your brain and therefore I can actually just pick three or four.

And I realize that's what I'm feeling. And so doing this more regularly than I used to really helps because it's important because once you acknowledge your feelings and you're not your own feelings, you're not, you know, pushing them on the carpet, then it doesn't come out because the more you to press feelings and the more they're gonna come out at some point.

So actually it's important to regularly get this out. So I think that's the really important thing that I, that I do for Celia. And then the third is definitely more, um, So, you know, it, it doesn't have to be always meditation. It can be meditation, but it can also be just, uh, walk in the park and, and being still, and not constantly be thinking because just these 10, 15 minutes really help like to ground myself and to then not be as hyper as, as you've seen on this podcast,

I have a lot of fashion that

I, I was literally just gonna say that Naim, it's not hyper it. There's so much passion and I, I think that's why, you know, I just love about, you know, I could talk to you for hours that there's so much passion behind what you do. There's an acknowledgement and a self-awareness, and I'm, I'm so, so grateful that you've taken time out to talk to us and what we will make sure that we share all of the links to the Happy, confident Companies resources, which.

Phenomenal because I just think that giving children tools and, and, and it's about having things that they can touch, that they can play, that they can download things in with the right prompts are so crucial and for all children, whether they're the ones that sit and ponder over things, or whether they're the ones that come out and blurt out everything that's happened during the day, it's just having.

Sort of tools to hand is just so amazing. So Nadine, I want to thank you so much. I think there are so many other things that we didn't get to talk about. So I think we'll have to have you back on to have another conversation. But I'm so grateful. Thank you.

Thank you so much Maryanne. I'd really enjoyed it.

Thanks for all your Well, great contribution to, and I want to mention something, the htm. So, which is our Happy Conference me TV program, uh, describing the 10 skills with Emma Willis presenting it is actually currently free for schools and therefore it'd be amazing if any, um, teachers listening to this or parent who want to see this in their school.

Just contact us and contact@happyconference.com and they'll be able to access the program for free for a certain limited period. But we want this to be accessible for everyone and to help children. So they'll learn the 10 powers and it's dedicated for children eight to 11. So you're four to your six.

So thanks for, oh God, that's

amazing. We will make sure that we, for those of you listening for the, in the re free resource library, we will share the links so that you can go straight to that. Because that's such an incredible thing that you are doing, and for parents and schools to be able to access it for free is amazing.

Thank you, Nadine.

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