In this decisive episode, Chris Marr, Founder of The Authoritative Coach, shares strategies to boost confidence and authority as a coach. If you struggle with self-doubt or people-pleasing, you won't want to miss it.

You will discover:

- How to see yourself as the prize to attract better clients

- Why embracing your unique perspective builds stronger connections

- How to cultivate an abundance mindset to reduce desperation

This episode is ideal for for Founders, Owners, and CEOs in stage 2 of The Founder's Evolution. Not sure which stage you're in? Find out for free in less than 10 minutes at https://www.scalearchitects.com/founders/quiz

Chris Marr is the founder of The Authoritative Coach and author of Become an Authoritative Coach: Stop People-Pleasing, Challenge Your Clients, and Be Indispensable. With over 15 years of experience, Chris has helped client-facing professionals worldwide—from small businesses to enterprises with nine-figure revenues—build stronger client relationships, navigate challenging conversations, and position themselves as indispensable experts. He created the People Pleaser’s Path to Authority assessment, a tool that helps professionals identify and break habits holding them back.

Want to learn more about Chris Marr's work at The Authoritative Coach? Check out his website at https://www.theauthoritativecoach.com/, connect with him on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theauthoritativecoach/, and get a copy of his book: Become an Authoritative Coach: Stop People-Pleasing, Challenge Your Clients, and Be Indispensable.

Mentioned in this episode:

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Founder's Quiz

Hello, hello and welcome. Welcome once again

to the start, scale and succeed. Podcast, the only podcast that

grows with you through all seven stages of your journey as a

founder. And there is one, I would say, very, very big

challenge that almost every founder who's a service

provider, a coach, a creative or we all have to face this, and it

is that to sell your service is, to some extent, to sell you, and

to be able to do that well, to sell more of your services, to

make the impact that you got into the game, to make you have

to be able to believe and act like you believe that you are

the best thing for them. And that's a lot easier said than

done, especially at the beginning of the process,

because you're going to hear more nos and more not yets in

the first couple years of your business than most people would

in a couple lifetimes. And so here to help us establish the

right mindset for our success and the success of our clients,

because these go hand in hand is Chris Marr. Now, Chris is the

founder of the authoritative coach. He's also the author of

Become an authoritative coach, stop people pleasing, challenge

your clients and be indispensable. With over 15

years of experience, Chris has helped client facing

professionals worldwide from small businesses to enterprises

with nine figure revenues to build stronger client

relationships, navigate challenging conversations and

position themselves as indispensable experts. He

created the people pleasers path to authority assessment, a tool

that helps professionals identify and break habits

holding them back. And he's here with us today. Chris, thanks so

much for being here. So excited to have you on the show. Loved

the book. There's a couple points in here I want to unpack.

In particular, one of the hardest lessons I learned, but

biggest revelations that I gained, was something that you

call the prize, and being the prize, and I'm just going to I'm

going to leave it that, I'm going to open it up, and what is

the prize, and why does it matter for a coach on their way

to becoming an authoritative coach?

Yeah, great question. I don't think I've

covered this in detail when I've talked to people before, so

thanks for having me and thanks for asking that question. This

idea, I think the best way to think about it the visual

representation of this. There's many points, but visually, think

about this idea that the grass is greener on the other side. I

think every one's heard that phrase before, and I use it, I

use it in the book to describe this idea that like, if your

clients feel like, if your prospects and your clients feel

like they can own you too easily, then they take you for

granted. And so this idea is like, you're the greener grass,

and you don't want to let them feel like they own you, or can

get a hold of you really easily, just because they can pay the

money, or they can say, Hey, Scott, like you like I'm going

to pay you money and you're going to do this thing for me.

And what we're saying is, what we want to do is introduce like,

an element of like, the chase in this relationship, so that the

client actually has to work a little bit harder to get you and

therefore actually appreciate you, and they don't take you for

granted. So there's this idea of like, respect and control and

influence in here. I think there's many points we'll make

today. I think that'll make this sounds palatable, or like there

might be people pushing back on this idea already, that we're

trying to be rude to people, or we're trying to deliberately

aggravate people or frustrate people in the sales process. But

I think you can look at anything in life where someone has been

given something without having to work for it, and they don't

treat it well, like you get a company car you don't look after

it. You know, you know, you get things that are given to you,

and you don't look after them. I think this is when I think about

the prize. I think about making this idea that your prospects

have to work to achieve, to get the prize, there's something

that they have to do. The other way to think about this, this

other, the other visual representation here is like,

America's Got Talent, or Britain's Got Talent, or this X

Factor where people have to audition to be a part of your

program. And so the mindset shift here, in the way that you

approach your whole sales process, and ultimately, your

actual all your work entirely, is that if you were a prospect

of mine, Scott, I would be asking you questions and getting

you to convince me why I should work with you and not spend my

time just vomiting on you about why you should work with me.

Yeah, right. And so there's this idea, there's this like concept,

or this idea in your mind that there's a gap there, and you

want the prospect to work, to achieve, to prove to you, to

audition for you, that they're going to be a good fit for you.

That's, that's the concept. I hope that sort of creates a

picture, at least.

It's, it's huge, and as you're saying it,

you're feeling it as you're saying it. I'm feeling it as

you're saying it. Other people are feeling like, that's not

like, that's not the good I'll say it this way. It's not the

good Christian. Thing to do. We're a bunch of folks in

Canada. It's not the good Canadian thing to do, right?

There's folks listening from Australia. It's not the good

Australian thing to do. Like, yeah, it's a little more

palatable here in the US, because we like to think too

highly of ourselves and Bs our way through. But even here in

the US, there's this sense of like, that's arrogant. Like,

okay, that that's, you know, we run into tall poppy syndrome.

You know what I mean? Like, there's this sense of, if I

think too highly of myself, that that's, and it's rude, it's,

it's arrogant, it's, I'm gonna be let down. I'm gonna let

people down. What would you say to someone that's feeling those

negative feelings as they're listening to this saying, like,

I don't I don't know that I see myself as the prize. I don't

even know that I want to see myself as the prize. What's the

cost of that?

Yeah, there's a whole bunch of flurry of

thoughts here. So let's see if we can get our arms around this.

This idea, number one is fit, right? You? If you're a

consultant or a coach like we are. You might have a small

team, but generally speaking, you just cannot take on every

single client. We all know and have felt and experienced, the

bad fit clients, the resentment, the challenge, like we don't

want that. So you can't work with anybody, everybody anyway,

and you don't necessarily want to work with everybody either.

So you can and you don't, and you shouldn't. Okay, so this

idea is, like the first thing is, is, let's you've got to play

this role of discovering fit, and ultimately, in the

relationship between you and the prospect. You're the expert

understanding what it takes to be successful in the work that

we're about to do. How could the client possibly know that? How

could the prospect know that. So your job is really, you've got

to uncover fit, the red flags, the green flags, the things that

tell you they're going to be a good fit, things that tell you

they're going to be a bad fit or there's going to be problems. So

I think the first thing is, is like, you need to figure out if

the relationship's going to take hold there from the very start.

And secondly, the prospect does, like, I've seen this in sales

calls with with coaches and consultants before they'll be

like, Yeah, this is and just so you know, it's not going to feel

like it's not going to look like this when we work together,

Scott, and you're like, they should already have a sense and

a feeling about what it's going to feel like to work with you.

You shouldn't have to tell them they should already feel it. And

so I think that part of this is about you being able to show the

type of coach or consultant that you are actually from the very

beginning, and to make sure that the client gets a real sense of

that so fit and relationship and what is going to look like to

work together. I think this idea of arrogance, though, is like

this is what the way I think about arrogance is that the ego

is overpowering here that you've got high level of confidence,

but it's sitting in your ego. In other words, I I, I am, I know

what to do, and I'm always right. That's kind of arrogance

and ego. But I think those that are quietly confident in their

skill set can be confident and competent without the ego, and

they can say, I believe in myself, and I know what to do,

and I know I can help you. And I think there's just a fine, like

you said, there's a fine line between arrogance and

confidence, and I think we want to be able to feel like we're

confident in what we know and how we can help, and we that we

value ourselves. So there's a bit of an internal game to play

here. And I'll say, like, one last thing here is, like, this

idea that there's you, if you're not convicted and committed to

your frameworks or your program or the solution that you prefer,

what is, how could you expect a prospect to be like you're they

can only meet you. They can never be more confident than you

are. Right? So if you're like, if you're if, in other words,

your prospects don't want to come and meet you to figure out

if you've got a great solution for you for and then leave

feeling more doubtful about it, right? And so your commitment

and your conviction to your ideas has to be paramount. Has

to be at 100% Yeah, if you want to convince other people and

help other people feel because they want to feel confident when

they want to come to work with you as well. So, and I've

learned this myself, it's like watching people who are so

committed to their ideas, and watching how inspiring it is to

want to then be a part of that. Yes, very cool, right? That is

so awesome to see. And so it is about prizing yourself and

valuing yourself. So those are the types of things I think

about this idea. And I think there's one final thing, which

is like this. I call it the willing to walk away principle,

like, who's got the leverage here, right? If you're an expert

or a consultant, literally, the only card you have to play is

your expertise. I'm either going to give it to you, or I'm going

to take it away, and you don't have much leverage, so if you

are desperate to make the sale, or you have to close this

account and get that money, and the client's got more leverage

than you, and you don't have any power in that, in that frame at

all. And I think that's a problem, because then they

become desperate, people pleasing, and we start discount

ourselves. Services, and then we start to kind of chip away at

our authority and our confidence as well. So there was a flurry

of thoughts. But those are the kind of things that kind of

there's not, it's not just one thing, is it? It's kind of

that's all in there. It's all in this idea of like mindset, how

you turn up, how you're perceived by the other all comes

through these, the way you think, the way you behave, the

questions you ask, how yes or not, you know, those are the

things I think about a lot Scott.

So there's I would go so far as to call it a

dirty little secret in the coaching world, and that is that

the more you pay for coaching, the more you get out of it. And

it's another version of this exact same thing that we're

talking about, because if in a sales process, I can create so

much confidence that someone is willing to pay $10,000 and

someone else comes along and they're only they only create

enough confidence that the prospect is going to pay $1,000

right? It might be the exact same service. You might walk

them through the exact same process, but the more folks pay,

the more they commit, the more they drive after it, and the

more results they get. And so a big part of that, let's take the

money side out of it for a second and go back to this point

that you made about the internal game and how so someone's

listening to that they're bought in. Shoot, that's what I did

wrong. But I've got bills to pay. I am desperate. I do need

the next one. I've heard a lot of people say no to me. I'm

questioning myself. How do we turn that cycle around and and

even before we have all of the quote, unquote leverage, right

before we have the full schedule and we can easily say no, what

would your advice be to someone in that moment who's just trying

to kick start this cycle and get it turned in the right

direction.

Yeah, And I get that, like, I don't want to just

wash over that, like, this is easy, right? It's not. You're

gonna have a lot of conflict in yourself. Number one is, the

initial thing comes to me is, like, you've, if you're a solo

especially, you need to do things that help you feel more

confident, right? So what are if you're sitting there and you're

like, what's one thing you could do today that would help you

feel more confident about what you've got to offer the world?

Right? So that could be a conversation. You could write an

article. There's lots of things you can do. In other words, vote

for yourself, like what you look like, to get behind your own

ideas. Start conversations with people, go meet someone for

coffee and share your ideas with them, see if they are influenced

by them in some way. And so I think there's like, a small I

think it's like just this idea that you need to be the one that

engineers your own confidence right? So there's just, like,

lean into that and move yourself towards it. And sometimes we

need someone from the outside to help us with that. That's part

of our job, I would say this, though, and this is the bigger

idea that might feel a bit like you can't get your arms around

it. There's an inverse relationship where there's an

inverse idea here, which is that the more desperate you are to

close the deal, the more likely it is to slip away, and the more

you prize yourself, the clients actually drawn towards you. And

it's like, there's you feel like you want to make a discount so

you get the client because you need the money. And it's

actually that's the reason why they won't pay you any money.

It's the reason why they ghost you after the sale. And the

truth is, is like, if you you've got to get it's that inverse

relationship. It's like you have to do the work you feel really

uncomfortable about. You have to be willing to walk away for the

client, to feel like they want to come into your world. And

it's Yeah, and I know that that's like a conceptually maybe

quite difficult to get your head around, but that's certainly

what I've seen in the past, is like you have to track they have

to want to come into your world, and they're not going to come

into your world if they don't feel calm. If they don't feel

I love that, and I want to draw out something

that I think is really important in that point. And one is, you

said, be more confident. That is not be more competent. Because

here's what I see a lot of coaches do, they feel that pain,

and they go get another certification, right? Or they go

study another article. And what I found is that actually makes

it worse, because the more you know, the more you know you

don't know, and the less confident you feel in the short

run. So okay, right? I'd be interested to see if you see

that as well, but I think confident is absolutely the

right word Do what makes you feel more confident, not what

makes you feel more competent? Would you agree?

I do agree with what you're saying in this moment.

Yes, I do think that more confidence comes through an

increase in competence. Right? What I think the nuance here is

like, how do you become more competent? And I would argue

that sometimes it's education. But for most people, the gap is,

they feel like an imposter, right? There's this imposter

syndrome gap, but what they need to do is they just need to have

more conversations. They need to take what they already know and

get the. Actual reps in. So it's less about reading another book,

doing another course, and it's actually about doing the work

that you actually need to do. So it's taken action. So I Yes,

that's where 100% says they are. Yes, reps,

100% it's pick up the phone and make the next

call. There's right, there's and I think to take that one step

further. And I loved, I think this is what you're saying. Is

one of the things that you can do to feel the most confident

and least desperate on a sales call is to have another sales

call waiting for you. Okay, yeah, right. So if you only have

one, and you have to sell that one, otherwise you don't eat

next week, right? Just being a little extreme, but you're going

to be desperate to close it. You're going to do anything that

you can. And in a coach, there's nothing more put that puts you

off further than a desperate coach. It's the worst way to

sell but if you have another sales call and another sales

call and another sales call, one of them is going to land, right?

And I think, to me, that's, that's probably the thing that

we could do to Kickstarter confidence the most.

Yeah, I think this is, can be anything. So there's

two things I would say here. One is, like, even if you don't have

another sales card lined up, you have to believe there is another

one coming. Yes, like, yeah, that's like, what we'd call,

like, an mindset, right? There's just this belief that the future

is going to be better than your past, that your best work is

actually ahead of you and not behind you. And those are the

types I think about these things all the time, because I'm just

like everybody else. I go into dips and I come out and, you

know, it's all of this stuff. So I think just your self belief

matters so much when you're building your own thing that you

believe that it's possible for you to build something on your

own terms. It's possible for you to get better clients in the

future. It's possible that you're gonna be able to make

more money in the future, that you're not going to like, I

think, if you think about it, like from a logic perspective,

if you're in your mid 40s, like I am, it's like, am I going to

be unemployed for the rest of my life? No, of course, I'm not

going to be I'm going to get work. You know, it's going to

happen. So, you know, I think having that abundance mindset is

really important. I would say this as well, even if you don't

have those sales calls, and that doesn't mean you cannot have

sales conversations with people. You need to just get into the

DMS on LinkedIn. You need to message people on Instagram. You

need to go meet people for coffee, find excuses to talk to

people and figure out what their problems are and see if there's

something you can do to work together. And a simple phrase I

use sometimes is like, what would it look like if you and I

were to work on that together? Yeah, just, just get yourself

into those conversations. So we're back to this idea of

voting for yourself, right? Getting yourself into a place

where it's possible.

Fantastic. Oh so good, Chris. I've got one

more question for you here, and then I want to make sure folks

know how they can get a copy of your book and get in touch with

you. So before we get there, what would you say is the

biggest secret that you wish wasn't a secret at all? What's

that one thing you wish everybody watching or listening

today knew?

Yeah, you've got so this might sound a little like a

platitude, but you've got to believe in the way that you

think and see the world. I think a lot of people think they have

to be like a certain person or a certain way or a certain type of

professional but the way that you see a problem, or the way

that you think through a solution for a client, the way

your brain works, the way you see it. That's your unique value

that you bring. And so I would say to people, just embrace the

way that you think and see problems and solutions and don't

filter it. That is what's going to attract the right people to

want to work with you. That's what I found for me. And I think

it's I don't I don't know that anybody really talks about it,

and I think it comes back to just being you, like, 100%

through that's what you bring. And if I'm too loud and I'm too

fast and it's too much, then you're not for me. And that's

cool, because there's people that actually want that, you

know. So I think trying to be your very like, who you are, is

really critical and really key to getting the right people to

work with you.

So good, so cool, Chris. There's folks

listening to this. They want to get a copy of the book. They

want to find out how they can work with you, or just learn

more. Where can they do that?

Yeah, so the authoritativecoach.com you get

the book there, and a few other bits and pieces. You'll fail to

scroll around on the website. And then I think the best place

for people to come and interact with me is Instagram,

@theauthoritativecoach, and you'll get all my reels and

videos. You can even DM me there if you want to talk about

something that you see there. So I'm pretty accessible on

Instagram.

Fantastic, fantastic. The name of that

book, again, is become an authoritative coach. Stop people

pleasing, challenge your clients and be indispensable. And I

having read it, even if you're not a coach, but you find

yourself struggling with anything that we talked about

here today, the mindset stuff in there, just practical steps are

going to help a ton of people. I highly recommend it. Chris,

thanks for being on the show. It was a privilege and honor having

you. Here today, for those of you, yes, for those of you,

watching, listening, you know that your time and attention

mean the world to us, I hope you got as much out of this

conversation as I know I did, and I cannot wait to see you

next time. Take care.