Rejection sensitivity affects many individuals, particularly those who are neurodivergent, and it can have a significant impact on their personal and professional lives.

Understanding and accepting our neurological differences can empower us to build resilience and improve our ability to handle rejection.

In this episode, I share both my perspective and strategies on how to create a business and lifestyle that honors and protects our sensitivity, allowing us to bring our unique gifts to those who need them most.

Some of these tools and techniques include powerful questions, affirmations, journaling, and mindfulness practices.

These practices can serve as powerful pattern interrupts, helping us shift our physiology and maintain control during moments of stress or anxiety. By making these tools a habit, we can confidently navigate rejection and embrace growth.

Remember, there is nothing wrong with being sensitive to rejection. It is a part of our unique makeup, and by embracing it, we can harness our sensitivity as a strength rather than a weakness.

By learning to manage rejection sensitivity, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and create a business that aligns authentically with who we are.

So, grab your favorite beverage, find a cozy spot, and tune in to this thought-provoking episode. It's time to embrace your sensitivity, develop your resilience, and thrive as an entrepreneur!

Mentioned in this episode:

• Powerful Questions: https://bit.ly/3R5lKvx
• Energy Technique: https://bit.ly/3EsU1xf
• Think Up! App: https://bit.ly/3Drf9Un

“Suits” series on Netflix: https://bit.ly/4613FTs

Have you heard?  I launched a PRIVATE PODCAST and you can listen to it from the same podcast player where you enjoy this one!  It’s called “Show Up Like a Boss” and you can grab it right here:  https://bit.ly/show-up-like-a-boss

The Boss Up Breakthrough  is my signature coaching framework and the one I use with both my 1:1 and group coaching clients.  At this time,  I am only accepting 1:1 clients and the first step is to schedule a free 30-minute consultation right here: https://bit.ly/calendly-free-consultation

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TLDL (time stamps) 

00:19:05 Sensitivity, reactivity, and hardiness in neurodivergent individuals.

00:26:48 Learn rejection sensitivity tools before you need them.

00:37:29 Mindfulness techniques for ADHD, including powerful questions.

Well, hey friends, as I was recently preparing the slides for a talk I gave at the Neurodivergent Navigation Summit on Rejection Sensitivity at Work, I was reminded that a great deal of us struggle with rejection sensitivity. Now, it is often associated with ADHD, but folks with ADHD are far from the only ones who have difficulty handling rejection and anticipating it. So I want to share with you some of my thoughts on the subject of rejection sensitivity, something I work with, with the majority of my clients. I've been interviewed on the subject on a bunch of different podcasts and later on in the episode, I want to teach you some of the tools and strategies that I teach my clients.

I also want to tell you about a recent insight I had from watching the hit Netflix series, Suits, so let's get started. Rejection sensitivity is a really hot topic right now. Now, if you are on TikTok at all, you have probably seen a lot of ADHD content and a lot of content about rejection sensitivity, which I think is a wonderful thing. But where there is a lot of information, there tends to be a lot of misinformation as well, because it's a free platform and we do at least technically live in a free country. So I want to start by leading you through some questions to ask yourself so you can help figure out to what degree this applies to you.

So, put up a finger if you experience sensitivity to any form of criticism, the fear of being rejected, actual experiences of rejection, or feeling left out or excluded. Put up a finger if you actually try to avoid circumstances where you might even possibly experience rejection. This could be showing up on social media, marketing your services, or contributing in a meeting at your job. Put up a finger if the fear of rejection diminishes your enjoyment of whatever you do in your career, and no matter how much success or achievement or accomplishment you have attained, you just don't enjoy it to the degree you could. Put up a finger if you believe that sensitivity to rejection, criticism and judgment has also diminished your opportunities for your business or career.

I mean, let's be honest, you know you're competent, you know that, right? And you probably realize you're also talented, maybe even gifted in what you do, but it's really painful to watch other people who know a whole lot less than you, and maybe have a whole lot less to offer being the ones who are hired and promoted. But you probably, like most of us, procrastinate on doing the things that would actually make a difference, like asking for the business, because you're probably terrified of hearing no or being ghosted. So I'm going to read you a list of things, and I want you to think through how many of these sound familiar, because if it's more than one or two, you are dealing with rejection sensitivity, I promise you it's holding you back. I guarantee it is diminishing your enjoyment of what you accomplish and preventing you from accomplishing more.

So you're ready for the list? Do you avoid marketing and sales as a freelancer or a business owner? Do you remain silent when you have something to contribute in a group setting? Do you resist applying for jobs, promotions, gigs, or speaking engagements that you want? Do you avoid asking closing questions in sales conversations? Do you fail to follow up when someone tells you, that sounds good, let me think about it, I'll get back to you. Do you tell yourself that no answer is a no answer? Let me run that by you again for the folks in the back. Do you tell yourself when you don't get an answer like, in the case of someone who says, let me think about it and get back to you.

Do you tell yourself that that's automatically a no, so no information equals no sale? Do you believe that any yes you might happen to get is probably just you being lucky? Do you look away when it's time to give a call to action or ask for a commitment? And do you tell yourself that you really aren't confident enough to handle rejection so you simply don't put yourself in situations where you might be rejected? And by the way, for the purpose of this episode, this conversation, I really want you to think about rejection, criticism, judgment, ghosting, being left out, being excluded. I want you to think about all those things as different forms of rejection sensitivity. And I really want you to pay attention to how you both respond to them and how you avoid having to respond to them, because that's the other piece of the puzzle here.

You know, many of us who experience rejection sensitivity, and I got all my fingers up too with that little countdown we just did, and I remember hearing from plenty of people throughout my life that I either need to fake it till I make it, remember that one or grow a thicker skin. And there have been many times I wondered, should I just lower my expectations and think smaller because it's just too hard to deal with. You probably have to, and you might even be there right now, but I want to tell you there's absolutely no reason to feel bad about being sensitive to rejection. In fact, there's nothing bad about being sensitive at all. Sensitivity is a form of giftedness, and it is related to creativity, imagination, and innovation, and oftentimes is experienced by people who are neurodivergent like myself.

Rejection sensitivity is part of the general sensitivity that most neurodivergent people experience in all kinds of different ways. Sensitivity to light, sensitivity to sound, sensitivity to smell, like sense-sitivity. So anything we experience through our senses, sight, sound, taste, touch, and so forth. If we are more sensitive than a typical person, that is a form of neuro sensitivity. And because our minds are constantly scanning our environment for threats, feeling rejected, criticized, excluded, or left out, are things we're probably going to be triggered by, it just makes sense. So what it doesn't mean, what it most definitely does not mean, is that you're weak or that you're fragile, or that you're broken, or something is wrong with you. And it definitely does not mean that you need to continue to live in the shadows if that's where you're currently located.

Here's what I believe, dealing with sensitivity to rejection requires self awareness, but you know what else it requires? Self acceptance, because just understanding that you are sensitive to rejection that you were sensitive, period, that this may or may not be related to your neurodivergence, then what? It doesn't really do anything for you, does it? I mean, just understanding that about yourself. Okay, that's interesting, now what? But if you understand that to be true about you and you do not combine it with radical self acceptance, life is actually more painful because it can feel like it's something you are doing to yourself or allowing yourself to experience, and it is not. It is related to how our brains work and any experience of trauma we've had in the past or present and how it is human nature to try to protect ourselves.

Now, I have had to learn a lot about rejection sensitivity, I guess you could say the hard way. I mean, I was a licensed psychotherapist for many years. I'm neurodivergent myself, I have raised three neurodivergent children to adulthood. I've been self employed for going on 14 years, so I've had to put myself out there. I've had to ask for the business and I've had to deal with a fair amount of rejection, but I'm also a recovering perfectionist and a people pleaser like you might be so, there's that. Here's the thing, I mentioned before that there's a lot of information out there about rejection sensitivity, but I do find that there's quite a few misconceptions.

So I want to be very clear on the terms I'm using and the terms I'm not using. You might be wondering why I'm not using the term rejection sensitive dysphoria. And I think because there's a lot of misinformation about rejection sensitive dysphoria out there, especially on TikTok and some on Instagram. And just because a lot of people are talking about it doesn't mean a lot of what's being said about it is accurate. So I don't want anyone taking what they hear about rejection sensitive dysphoria to heart and then using it to feel worse than they already do. For example, some of the content that I see on TikTok and elsewhere have creators referring to having a flare up of their rejection sensitive dysphoria or referring to themselves as having an RSD attack.

Now, I totally get, believe me that when you are in the midst of one of these episodes, and I will get into the specifics in just a moment. It may feel like you're having an attack, kind of like a panic attack. And it may feel like you're having a quote unquote flare up, like you would with some other kind of episodic condition, because it's not something that you generally experience every day but this terminology, this language is not accurate. So, when we propagate content online using this language, we're actually hurting other people like us who are struggling. For example, another thing I see a lot of on TikTok and elsewhere is that rejection sensitive dysphoria is a diagnosis. It is not. It is not. Rejection sensitive dysphoria is something that many people with ADHD experience, but like many other traits of ADHD, not everyone who has ADHD experiences rejection sensitive dysphoria.

I use the full term because what I don't like about people using the term RSD, RSD, RSD is it may inadvertently give many people the idea that it is an actual diagnosis. I mean after all, most of us say ADHD or ADD. We don't spell out Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or we say I have OCD instead of saying Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Most of the time we use shortcuts that makes a lot of sense, but using the term RSD frequently it gives the impression that it is a stand alone diagnostic category, and that is not true. It's also not true that everybody who has ADHD has this rejection sensitive dysphoria because many other people who don't have ADHD do struggle with this, and plenty of people with ADHD do not. Here's the difference in both rejection sensitivity and rejection sensitive dysphoria, the feeling, the perception of being rejected, criticized, judged, or excluded is the trigger, but with rejection sensitive dysphoria, the real problem is the extreme change in mood that happens once triggered.

Rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like an acute onset of a severe depressive episode and this may be controversial, but a lot of people actually do require medication in order to have optimum results. Now, I was a psychotherapist for many years, but I'm not a psychiatrist. I was never licensed to practice medicine or prescribe medicine. So what I really want to do for the remainder of this episode is to talk about the more general and the more widely experienced rejection sensitivity, because most people I know. Most creative people I know, most neurodivergent people I know, most entrepreneurs I know experience that and I see a lot of that on the Netflix series Suits.

More on that in a few minutes so I think most people who might be listening are like, Yeah, I'm pretty sensitive to rejection, duh, who isn't? Well, like with most things, there's a range but there is a connection between rejection sensitivity and neurodiversity. There's also a connection between rejection sensitivity and entrepreneurship. I mean, after all, if you own your own business unless you get all of your clients by referral and you don't have to do any marketing or any sales, you literally are offering a product or service that is so unique, so special, that no one else offers, and clients are literally jamming up your inbox and pounding on your door, you are in marketing and sales.

I've said it before, I'm going to say it again. If you own your own business, even a teeny tiny little micro business, you are also in marketing and sales. Because you have to let people know who you are, how you help, who it's for, and who it's not for. We all have to do that and we have to ask people if they want to work with us. We can't just hide behind our computer screens and hope that social media and a good email sequence is going to do the job. It just doesn't work that way. Now, many neurodivergent people do become self employed, oftentimes because the workplace feels inhospitable when you are a sensitive individual. Most of us do not want to disclose our diagnoses in the workplace.

So we might choose to work for ourselves so that we can avoid that topic, or we just have so much individuality, so much creativity, and so much of a need to do things our way that it really just doesn't make sense for us to try to work for someone else. But, given that most of us who are neurodivergent experience more sensitivity to criticism, to rejection, to ghosting, to exclusion, to negative feedback of any kind, I think it's imperative that we all learn more about it. So that we can be more self aware and so that we can couple that self awareness with radical self acceptance. Because, listen, part of being neurodivergent is literal, clinically significant differences in how sensitive we are, how reactive we are, and how hardy we are.

Years ago, when I was still in my psychotherapy practice in Los Angeles, California, I practiced neurofeedback for about five years. I invested a lot of money in the training and the equipment, and I specifically sought out this training because there were many people who would otherwise benefit from medication for whatever they were dealing with the types of people that I treated the most were individuals with ADHD and anxiety disorders, and some of them either did not want to take medication or could not take medication. So I invested in getting trained to do neurofeedback so that I could give them an alternative. One of the first things I had to learn how to do and even though I no longer practice neurofeedback, it's been years. I sold my equipment and I do not do that anymore.

But one of the things I learned from all the training I did for that was to assess individuals, sensitivity, reactivity, and hardiness. And I think this is so valuable for each of us to understand about ourselves, to have self awareness for, and to radically self accept where we are. That's not to say we can't improve in any of these areas. I believe we can, but accepting that these are actual neurological differences really helps us be capable of doing that work. So the three things, sensitivity, reactivity, and hardiness mean this, there are differences in how sensitive we are, meaning how much does it take to trigger our sensitivity? Our sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, sensitivity, and our emotional sensitivity as well.

How much of a trigger does it take? How much pressure needs to be applied? Some people are extremely sensitive to sight, to smell, to sound. So they literally could not go in a crowded place, no matter how much they may have wanted to go to, for example, a live concert, could not do it. Would have to wear noise canceling headphones to a live concert, that's no fun. Reactivity means once that sensitivity has been triggered, how much of a neurological reaction is it? There are many creative neurodivergent people who are in physical pain once their sensitivity is triggered and that's part of their reaction. They can also have an emotional reaction. Hardiness is how long does it take and what measures are needed to bring them back to their baseline.

So picture this, if you are a gifted, talented, creative neurodivergent entrepreneur, and you are very sensitive, fairly reactive and not terribly hardy, it's going to be extremely important for you to craft and curate a business and a lifestyle that protects your sensitivity because otherwise you're going to spend a lot of time feeling very uncomfortable. People with rejection sensitivity, as opposed to the more severe rejection sensitive dysphoria, the really depressed reaction, the rest of us are more likely to engage in negative self talk and rumination, as well as more self consciousness, more masking, and more of a need to isolate from others. But because rejection sensitivity isn't talked about enough and is often mistaken for other things. Some people who are actually sensitive to rejection may be considered shy or they may label themselves shy.

They may think of themselves as introverts or they may have social anxiety disorder. I remember years ago when the medications for social anxiety disorder were literally showing up as a television commercial, like every 15 minutes. And I thought, Oh my goodness, there are going to be billions of people who are self identifying with social anxiety disorder and hoping this new medication is going to help. But oftentimes that's not really what's going on because unlike these other labels, you know, the ones I just mentioned, it is the trigger of criticism or rejection that is at the heart of rejection sensitivity and the hard part about living with this as part of your business is that it doesn't need to be based on facts.

I mean, you might have a stellar reputation. You might have more referrals and more people on your wait list than you could possibly serve. You may be able to continually raise your rates and people just keep coming. And you may still have pretty significant rejection sensitivity because sometimes that perception is so hardwired and is completely opposite of what is actually happening. And that is a really painful situation because in that moment, and I don't like to overuse the word trigger, but it is literally one that everyone can relate to. In that moment, when we are feeling excluded it might just be somebody's assistant forgot to put your name on a group email, but in that moment, it is your felt experience.

It might be that a person did a discovery call or a strategy call or a free consult with you, and they really are not in the right position to work with you right now, but they really wanted to meet you to think about working with you in the near future. So now they're embarrassed because they took up your time and so they ghost you and so you reach out and they ghost you and you reach out and they ghost you. Most of you listening are probably thinking, uh, yeah, I'm having a total rejection sensitive reaction here. And I would be too, except this is something I know about myself, I accept about myself and I also know damn well in that moment what's going on with me physiologically is hijacking logic, facts, and reason. I'm just completely emotionally hijacked.

So I have to manage that reaction in myself, because if I don't, I feel embarrassed. I feel guilty. I feel ashamed, especially in work situations. And again, remember, it's the perception of criticism, exclusion, or rejection doesn't have to be the reality at all. Now, if you're playing along with me and all this is sounding way too familiar, then you don't need me to tell you what happens next. We rush to our comfort zone, whether that's distracting ourselves, whether that's buffering, whether that's masking, or whether it's ruminating. Replaying and replaying and replaying, either judging ourselves for not handling the situation better. Judging ourselves for the situation happening at all or replaying the scenario and telling ourselves we could have handled it better.

In other words, beating up on ourselves but that would be happening without the extreme emotional dysregulation that comes with rejection sensitive dysphoria. Most of us go into perfectionism and avoidance and here's the most important thing I want you to hear. You are not broken and you are not alone. This is an extremely common experience, but we are either mislabeling it, misperceiving it, or just beating ourselves up for it. And none of that is going to change it because like all behavior, this whole cluster you know what, is habit forming. And the part that I'm so passionate about and why it's so important to me to spread the word about this is because over time how we deal with the perception of rejection, judgment, criticism, exclusion becomes a cornerstone of both our identity and our reputation, and can even become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Because just picture this, people stop giving us constructive information that would genuinely help us because they don't want to trigger us and over time, that means our world and our opportunities shrink along with our opinion of ourselves, and we stop reaching for opportunities because we fear that they would invite more rejection. So, I hope I've convinced you that if any of this sounds way too familiar, it is really important to deal with because having sensitivity to rejection does not mean that you are not meant to be an entrepreneur. It does not mean that you cannot put yourself out there, you cannot market yourself or your business, or you can't close sales, because it would be such a shame if you stopped sharing yourself and your gifts with the people that need you most. And you don't need to wait to go into crisis to learn a few tools as a matter of fact.

I think one of the most important things is to make a commitment to learning tools for how to manage rejection sensitivity before you actually need them for several reasons. One, in the moment of crisis, once we've already been triggered, we're not going to remember those tools. It'll be like we're walking around with a big heavy tool bag and we'll be freaking out. And we won't even remember that we have those tools in the tool bag attached to our arm. We won't remember what will make us remember that we know how to handle rejection sensitivity. What will make us confident that we can handle rejection sensitivity is if we learn a couple of simple strategies ahead of time and practice them enough that they become part of our behavioral repertoire.

They become part of our habits and like I said before, since all behavior is habit forming, wouldn't it be in your best interest to create a habit for handling rejection sensitivity in a way that would make you proud instead of embarrassed? So I want to share with you a couple of different ideas, and then I'm going to finish with what I've noted from watching, I think I'm on season five right now. I did come late to the party, I know there's going to be a season nine pretty soon, but I'm catching up very quickly in the series on Netflix Suits. So the two types that I want to get into first, and then I will finish up with that is quick fixes and practices that pay off. Quick fixes or things that you can do if you're working in an office, if you're working from home, if you have a hybrid job, most of them take like two to five minutes so they're very quick.

I think of them as like psychological first aid. If you start to feel like you're going to be triggered, if you are in a situation where you do tend to get triggered, like sales calls or speaking up in a meeting or, you know, giving a proposal to a potential client situations where, you know, it's going to be much more easy for you to be triggered, I want you to memorize these like your life depends on it. Because you are going to be triggered a whole lot less once you get a little bit of practice with these under your belt. So some of them, nobody would know that what you're doing is trying to calm your nervous system so you don't go into a rejection sensitive spiral.

One of them is 16 ounces of water. I am not joking. Carry around a nice cold, or if you prefer room temperature, bottle, I prefer cold though, and I'll tell you why, 16 ounce bottle of water. If you're gonna go to a meeting where you have to speak up, and you're feeling like, oh gosh, everyone's gonna think I'm an idiot, bring the water with you. If you're going into a sales call, if you're going to be pitching a client, or you're going to be facing a difficult conversation with someone you'd rather not have a difficult conversation with the 16 ounces of water, no one's going to think anything of it if you suddenly become thirsty. But and especially if it's cold sipping that water will help you distract yourself from the trigger and give your body another physiological sensation to pay attention to.

You can also do some breathing, but it's really hard to drink water and breathe at the same time and it may lead you to gag and choke and that definitely is not recommended. But drink the water to help you get back under control. Now, these are things you can do once you're triggered, these are things you can also do beforehand to try to prevent yourself from being triggered. For example, if you are giving a presentation at a meeting and you're feeling really anxious about it, and you're worried that people are gonna think you're unprepared or you don't know what you're talking about or whatever, whatever your brain is telling you, go run the stairwell ahead of time. Not to get all like sweaty, but run the stairwell because you're shifting your physiological state.

All of these quick fixes, all of these emotional first aid or psychological first aid, you're doing a pattern interrupt by shifting your physiology. You can also do it with a brisk walk or an energy technique that I would love to be able to send you, but it's really hard to describe it. You'd really kind of have to see it and this is a podcast so if you'd like to know how to do this energy technique, I'm going to have a link in the show notes. You can ask for it, I'll send it to you and I think it's really, really incredible. What I love about the energy technique is, I mean, you can't do it in the middle of the meeting, that's for sure. You can drink water in the meeting, you can do some deep breathing in a meeting. You can't do the energy technique in the meeting, but there are a couple aspects of it that you could do in the meeting that would help you stay calm and in control and nobody would be the wiser, which is super, super cool.

There are quick fixes you can do if you're working full time from home like, for example, if you're lucky enough to have a fur baby, go play with them. Put on some music and have a little dance party, go for a walk inside or outside the house. These are things that are easy to do when you're working from home. The energy technique you can do wherever you have a little bit of privacy. But the most important thing to remember is these quick fixes are a pattern interruption. A distraction and they shift your physiology so you don't just go into the autopilot of rejection sensitivity. The energy technique, I'm just going to walk you through the part that you can do in any situation where you think you might get triggered. But I want you to click on the link in the show notes to get the full technique, including a little video, because it's so much easier to learn when you actually can see it. But here's a little trick that you can do to help keep your physiology more grounded anytime you're uncomfortable.

Are you ready, cross your ankles and if you can cross your wrists. So meaning if you're sitting on a chair, you can put your right foot over your left or your left foot over your right. And if your hands are sitting in your lap, you can cross them at the wrist, one hand on top of the other. It doesn't really matter which one, I used to teach it like do it this way, but people would just get confused and then they would get stressed out. And then I did some more research and I found out it really doesn't matter and the reason why that works, it's not the full energy technique. If you want that, I want you to click on the link, but this part of it you can do without being noticed anywhere. And it helps the two hemispheres of your brain stay connected because whenever we get triggered, we get hijacked into our emotions, we stop having access to logic and reason, and we get carried away. We literally carry ourselves away with our emotions, and then we're not able to critically think.

That's because we have one side of the brain for logic and one side of the brain for emotions. So, crossing your wrists and crossing your ankles helps fight that, isn't that cool? Because if you are giving a presentation and you're not some crazy person like me, who loves public speaking, that can be enough to trigger you. And I remember when I used to experience this in the workplace, I literally wanted to disappear or be able to run away and expect that no one would notice or chase me. Other things you can do when triggered in public, for example, let's say you're a very sensitive person, you're a reactive person and you're not terribly hardy. You're standing in line at a Starbucks and the barista gets your order wrong, and when you try to correct them, they cop an attitude with you and you start feeling triggered by rejection sensitivity, because they're kind of implying that you either told them the order wrong or that, you know, basically you're wrong and they're right.

And that may sound like who would get upset by that, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, or you may be thinking yeah, duh. Here's a couple of things you can do when you're triggered in public to short circuit your rejection reactivity, just stop and take a deep breath. Do not open your mouth and start talking, take a deep breath or if you're carrying around that lovely 16 ounce bottle of water, remember that one I talked about a few minutes ago. Just take it, open the cap, take a breath and have a little drink. I'm not kidding. It just allows you to hit the pause button, which is a pattern interrupt instead of letting your habitual shit show that goes on in your brain just kind of run a racket on you. The other thing you can do is to look up, just look up and I don't mean like tip your head back and look at the ceiling because people are going to think you're passing out or acting weird, but just glance up.

That is another pattern interrupt that no one's going to think anything of, and it can help you feel like you're staying in control. Okay, now I'm going to quickly tell you about the practices that pay off. None of these are brand new, I didn't invent any of them. And you probably know, because you've been told by many people that they work for all kinds of things because they do, but I'm going to tell you what my two favorites are. Practices that pay off for managing rejection sensitivity are journaling, any kind of meditation or mindfulness practice, and my two favorites, powerful questions and affirmations. When you journal, the prompt is, is there any truth in it? So if somebody rejects you, somebody criticizes you, you feel excluded, you feel judged, you feel left out, you get ghosted, get out your journal, and your prompt is, is there any truth in it?

It will help you engage your logic. Yoga and mindfulness practices, you've probably heard from plenty of other people, how helpful they are. I am a huge fan of all kinds of mindfulness techniques and if you're a person with ADHD and you have convinced yourself, there's no way that you could ever meditate or do mindfulness, you need to reach out to me and I will convince you otherwise. My two favorite techniques in the practices that pay off category are powerful questions, because they interrupt the rumination loop, and a particular type of affirmation that you can do with a free app. So hold on one slim second, examples of powerful questions are, what is perfect about this? Can I learn something from this? What can I think that would change the situation? And what am I making this mean?

Now, if you're in the heat of the moment, and you say to yourself, what is perfect about this, and it makes you want to have a tantrum, give yourself a minute, and then maybe choose a different question or come back to that. I have used these powerful questions with myself, with loved ones, and with clients, when they have been very triggered by a rejection sensitivity situation, and really powerful shifts came up. So I have become a fan, I also have a powerful questions worksheet. I'll make sure I link to that in the show notes as well. Okay, I told you there's an app and this one is a game changer. Affirmations have been around forever, ever and ever and ever, and either like them or you don't. You either think they're woo woo or you don't, or you used to do them, but you didn't stick with them.

So you forgot about them and you're not going back. You don't have to take any advice I give now or ever. I offer things with an open hand, things that have worked for me and things that have worked with my clients. And this is one of them that happens to be my favorite, the Think Up app. Think Up is brilliant because unlike many other ways you could do affirmations with this app, you record the affirmations in your own voice. This is important because that voice is the same voice that you shit talk to yourself with. Yeah, the voice you're going to use to record these affirmations like I am enough is the same voice that you are using to talk head trash to yourself. So what it does by passively listening to the recording of you speaking these affirmations in your own voice, it starts to bypass the brain's negativity bias and override the negative self talk recording that plays constantly like elevator music in your brain.

Do not get the extended version or the paid version or the pro version or whatever they call it. You don't need it. This is one of those situations where you might tell yourself more is better, it is not. Less is better because you're more likely to stick with less. So it's like three or four, they're always changing it on the free version, three or four affirmations in your own voice. And the way I want you to use them is to listen to them passively like five minutes in the morning during your getting ready to work routine, brushing your hair, brushing your teeth, putting on your makeup, shaving, whatever your morning routine is. Just let it passively play on the app on your phone in the background and do it again at night when you're getting ready for bed.

The reason why I suggest these two times and just do it passively, like you're kind of subliminally influencing your brain. If you do it in the morning, when you're getting ready for work, it helps set you up to think more positively about yourself during the day and gives you a little bit of inoculation against rejection sensitivity that you may experience during the day. In the evening, you are in a more receptive state for learning because you don't have your guard up as much when you're tired, you've already been through the whole day. So it's actually an ideal time to slip some new ideas in your head. I love this app for that.

Now, I also help entrepreneurs that are clients of mine when they experience a lot of rejection sensitivity relative to a specific area of their business. The more common ones are social media, cold pitches, sales calls, sometimes we can delegate or outsource these tasks. And even if you're a freelancer or a brand new business owner and there's no way you're in a position to hire help for something like this, maybe you can barter or trade tasks with someone else. Because if you've got a biz bestie who does not hate these things the way you do, maybe there's something that you love and they hate that you could do for them.

So to recap, pattern interrupts like affirmations and powerful questions, the energy technique, journaling, breathing techniques, meditation, and for entrepreneurs and freelancers, outsourcing can really be a game changer because after all, like I said before, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being sensitive and being sensitive to rejection and we all need to feel accepted and included for optimal mental health. Rejection sensitivity can be managed and it is enormously helpful when you can find your people. The people that get you, the people that love you, the people that support you, the people that understand you and the people who will remind you that there's nothing wrong with being exactly who and how you are.

So, yes, I kept you waiting all the way to the very end to bring in the Suits connection, because here's the thing. I've been thinking about rejection sensitivity a lot. I've been interviewed on a number of podcasts about it, I just participated in this summit with an entire talk on the subject, and I have many conversations with my clients around their rejection sensitivity, but I'm into about season five of Suits, they're getting ready I think at some point to release season nine. Now, if you are not already watching, do not start watching because of what I'm about to say, because dude, like nine seasons, that is a big commitment and the season's already well underway and the show's been out for a while, but I started watching it because I have worked with a lot of attorneys, they're very smart.

I think the way their minds work is very interesting and Suits on Netflix is a series that takes place in a very high end law firm, gorgeous, gorgeous office. I mean, the views are stunning. The people are stunning. They're smart, they're all Harvard law grads. And the environment of this law practice it's like a microcosm of ambitious, intelligent, rejection sensitive people, in my opinion, I mean, obviously it's not part of the storyline, but something I started noticing as I'm watching this series and preparing for this rejection sensitivity talk is how many of the people in this law firm, these are Harvard educated lawyers who work in this gorgeous office, probably make a F ton of money. They have everything money can buy.

Most of them are extremely attractive, the clothes, oh my goodness, salivate. The women's dresses are stunning. Meghan Markle is in this series, by the way, if you like her, she's okay. Anyway, what I'm noticing as I'm watching this series is how many times the lawyers do what I call a drop and dash. And here's what I mean, they have been hurt by one of the other attorneys. Sometimes it's by a competitor, a lawyer at another competitive firm. Sometimes it's by a client. Sometimes it's someone they're trying to get as a client. Oftentimes it's another attorney in their firm and they are constantly one upping and backstabbing and trying to outdo each other.

They're all trying to compete with one another for the approval of the top dog, in this case, a woman, and when someone is hurt by one of their colleagues, they're offended, they feel left out, they feel criticized, they feel rejected, they feel excluded, they feel one upped, they feel put down. This is all rejection sensitivity talking. The way they tend to handle it is they can't avoid the person because then they're going to look weak, right and it's all about looking like a boss. It's all about looking like a baller and so they can't avoid the person who they feel rejected by. So what they do is they go pay that person a visit in their office, they don't let them know they're coming, because they don't want to give them a chance to reject them again and not be there or avoid them or insult them when they walk through the door.

So they just kind of ambush the other person. They do what I call a drop and dash, they just deliver some sort of an insult or some sort of something they've done to get even or undermine and then they turn and walk out. It happens every single episode so what I'm seeing is these are really smart, really intelligent, really accomplished, really successful people who still have this sensitivity. And the way they're handling it is to undermine, one up, insult, or do something to get even with the other person instead of having a healthy conversation. Absolutely fascinating. But like I said, if you haven't started watching, don't start watching. But if you have watched or are watching, let me know if you think I'm completely off on this. I think I'm onto something, but again, I'm always willing to be wrong.

So if you're familiar with the show, if you want to hit me up on LinkedIn or Instagram at Coach Diann Wingert, or you can send me an email on my website or leave me a voice message on the SpeakPipe widget on my website at Diann Wingert Coaching. I would be really curious to know if anyone else sees what I see. Okay, folks, that's all for now. It's been great hanging with you, I hope this has been a helpful episode and I will be back next week with another amazing guest. In the meantime, stay driven.