Shownotes
In this episode, we dive deep into the importance of auditing your inner circle and how the people you surround yourself with can significantly impact your success. We discuss how to identify the right people who push you to be better, hold you accountable, and genuinely support your personal and professional growth. Join us as we share personal stories and insights on how our inner circles have evolved over time and the crucial role they play in achieving a fulfilling life.
The Logistics & Leadership Podcast, powered by Veritas Logistics, redefines logistics and personal growth. Hosted by industry veterans and supply chain leaders Brian Hastings and Justin Maines, it shares their journey from humble beginnings to a $50 million company. Discover invaluable lessons in logistics, mental toughness, and embracing the entrepreneurial spirit. The show delves into personal and professional development, routine, and the power of betting on oneself. From inspiring stories to practical insights, this podcast is a must for aspiring entrepreneurs, logistics professionals, and anyone seeking to push limits and achieve success.
Timestamps:
(00:00) - Introduction: Auditing Your Inner Circle
(00:22) - Defining Your Inner Circle
(01:23) - The Role of Accountability
(03:09) - Evolving Relationships
(06:47) - Energy Takers vs. Energy Givers
(11:23) - Creating a Supportive Community
(12:53) - Conclusion: Reflecting on Your Inner Circle
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Transcripts
Have you ever audited your inner circle?
Speaker A:If not, I highly recommend it.
Speaker A:Today we're going to be talking about why building a strong inner circle of tight knit relationships is foundational to long term personal and professional success.
Speaker A:Brian, looking back on, if you want to go back to childhood, that's fine as well.
Speaker A:But your adulthood, some of the most important figures in your life, mentors, you know, good or bad.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:That have positively or negatively impacted you.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:What comes to mind in terms of your inner circle?
Speaker B:Yeah, I mean, I think you look at a lot, especially this day and age where we're at.
Speaker B:I think you look at peers, you look at colleagues, you look at friends who you naturally gravitate towards.
Speaker B:Is there a connection there?
Speaker B:Is there some sort of reciprocity?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Where you're a good friend to them, they're a good friend to you and they continue to push you, whether that's physically or mentally or in a, in a business aspect.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:There's a lot of folks that I have a friend of mine that, you know, literally the only time that we talk or hang out is when we're exercising.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Like on a run or a jog or a hike.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And having that person to push you along just for that aspect, that brings so much of a dynamic nature.
Speaker B:And that's a person that I know I can rely on.
Speaker B:Especially when, you know, doing those things.
Speaker A:You said right there.
Speaker A:You know, it's something that holds you accountable with some of that.
Speaker A:You can rely on your inner circle and it can be big.
Speaker A:I mean, you could have 10, 20 people in your inner circle.
Speaker A:I like more intimate relationships where I'm close with them, I'm interacting them with them often.
Speaker A:But, you know, my inner circle, I expect them to be my biggest fans.
Speaker A:I expect them to believe in me and vice versa.
Speaker A:I expect them to hold me accountable.
Speaker A:I expect them to hear me out or give me advice when I need it.
Speaker A:But your inner circle is truly your most trusted network of friends, family, you know, significant other.
Speaker A:Mine starts with Carly, my wife.
Speaker A:She is hands down the tightest in my inner circle.
Speaker A:There's not many people that I let closer than my wife.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:But in terms of being my biggest fan, like, she.
Speaker A:She's got to be my biggest fan.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:And I'm her biggest fan.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And that's how that works.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:You know, if she says, I want to get better at with my patients.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:You know, we have three kids.
Speaker A:I want to get better with my patients.
Speaker B:What do you hold a father of three?
Speaker B:Oh, that's I guess she would be a mother of three patients is a.
Speaker A:This is more me speaking.
Speaker A:It's something I need to work on.
Speaker A:Me too, man.
Speaker B:Every day.
Speaker A:But she is saying, I want to get, you know, I want to prove my patience with the kids.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And she.
Speaker A:I walk in the door and she's already losing her mind and.
Speaker A:And, you know, smashing dishwear and, you know, her hair's in a frizzy.
Speaker A:I'm going to hold her accountable to that grant.
Speaker A:I'm going to offset her a little bit, bring her back.
Speaker A:But like Carly, we.
Speaker A:We talk about patience.
Speaker A:Like, I need to be there to support her, but also hold her accountable to what she's trying to do.
Speaker A:So we're going to celebrate each other, we're going to push each other, we're going to motivate each other.
Speaker A:But at the end of the day, you have to find those people to surround yourself with if you're wanting to pursue your goals and reach them.
Speaker A:Because me personally and Brian, you can.
Speaker A:You can speak for yourself, but there is no way in hell that I'd be sitting here or where I'm at in life it weren't for the people I had in my inner circle throughout my life, but they changed.
Speaker A:Brian, how has your inner circle changed as you've matured, as you've grown?
Speaker B:It's funny, man.
Speaker B:It's like you don't really realize that until you look back and you're like, oh, I don't really connect with these.
Speaker B:These type of people that I used to in the past.
Speaker A:Why?
Speaker A:Why is that?
Speaker B:Well, I think it's just, you know, priorities change, and I think different motives change, and you want to achieve certain things or you want your life to be a certain way.
Speaker B:And I think that, you know, I think we all go through it, especially maybe like, early 20s where, you know, a lot of people are going out to bars and they're, you know, drinking a ton on the weekends.
Speaker B:And, like, you get a little bit older and you kind of grow out of that phase a little bit.
Speaker B:Well, that doesn't really sound that appealing anymore.
Speaker B:And you still have those folks as you grow older that are still doing that in their mid-30s, which is fine.
Speaker B:Like, have no judgment against that.
Speaker B:But, like, for me, in my phase of my life, I'm not really doing that.
Speaker B:So therefore, I'm not really hanging out with that type of person that wants to go to the bars every, you know, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and stay out till 2am you know, that.
Speaker B:That would be.
Speaker B:That would be Worst case scenario.
Speaker B:Especially when my, you know, kids wake up at six.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:You're.
Speaker A:You're at a different stage of your life.
Speaker A:And they might be in a similar stage, but they still might be living in the past.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And doing things that you and I may have enjoyed in high school or college.
Speaker A:You didn't start drinking till, like, late.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I don't even.
Speaker A:You're a collegiate athlete.
Speaker A:We'll give you a pass.
Speaker A:But no, they're living in the past.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:And one thing I think that's fascinating to think about.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:You want to surround yourself with people who are driven and ambitious.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And they share the similar goals or mindset as you.
Speaker B:Correct.
Speaker A:That doesn't really involve anything in the past.
Speaker A:That involves being present in the future.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Talking about your goals and how you're going to get there in the future.
Speaker A:But you got to be present and focus on the future as opposed to half present, but mostly living in the past.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I think that.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:When you, when you ask that question about inner circle and what's that mean?
Speaker B:And how do you describe that?
Speaker B:And I think it's always changing.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:You might add some people in and what is it saying that you are the five people you hang around with the most?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And I think there's a lot of validity to that.
Speaker B:To that.
Speaker B:Now, do people move out and come in at different phases, in different stages of your life?
Speaker B:For sure.
Speaker B:One of the biggest things for me in the inner circle is the ability to, you know, have those conversations.
Speaker B:And you said it earlier, like, being the biggest fan of somebody else, like, even when, you know, I told a couple of people that we were doing this podcast.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:I said, hey, listen, we're launching this podcast.
Speaker B:And, you know, I'm not really sure how it's going to go because I've never done this before, but we're taking a stab at it.
Speaker B:And I love to see the people that were, you know, in my inner circle.
Speaker B:Awesome, man.
Speaker B:I'm super excited for.
Speaker B:You're going to crush it.
Speaker B:Not that I, you know, need to hear that validity, but it felt good.
Speaker A:Brian.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Have you heard this one?
Speaker B:As you got.
Speaker A:Why did you do a podcast?
Speaker A:Everybody does a podcast, right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I mean, I've heard.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Something along, though.
Speaker B:Like what.
Speaker B:What are you trying to prov.
Speaker B:Like what?
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:I think we're trying to, you know, share our message and our experience, our knowledge out to the world.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:But no, I think you're absolutely right.
Speaker B:And like, who is bringing you down as opposed to who is pushing you.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Or who is happy for you to take that next step.
Speaker B:You know what?
Speaker B:Maybe I'm not the person I used to be, and I want to get better and I want to try to achieve greater things.
Speaker B:People always say, like, I take mental notes or mental receipts or whatever.
Speaker B:Like, and I think we've said it earlier on other shows, but you remember those things.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:If somebody degrades or somebody has, like, a seed of doubt about, like, the show or whatever, it's like, oh, okay, I'm going to.
Speaker B:I'm going to remember that.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And like, it doesn't happen overnight, but eventually those people probably are on the outside of your, you know, inner circle.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:A few things I love that you brought up there.
Speaker A:You mentioned, like, you wouldn't have people in your circle.
Speaker A:They're going to push you.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:They're going to motivate you.
Speaker A:They're holding you accountable to go.
Speaker B:Accountability.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:It's the hormones or.
Speaker A:I forget who talks about this, but it's energy takers and energy givers.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Anyone that you're around, you're immediately going to get an emotion.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:Because there is something that you've experienced with them.
Speaker A:But a lot of times you consistently experience that type of emotion.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:It will trigger you to feel one particular way or another.
Speaker A:And whether that's.
Speaker A:They take your energy.
Speaker A:So let's say we hang out with some random person that we've known for years.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:I feel like they're always negative.
Speaker A:They're always bitching about their significant other.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:They're always complaining about their kids.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:They suck the energy away from it.
Speaker A:And so now after a few times of experiencing that.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:That person's an energy taker.
Speaker A:I'm not talking about anyone in particular.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:Well, no.
Speaker B:I was just like, okay.
Speaker B:Even in that scenario, do you gravitate towards those people?
Speaker B:I know for me, like, people like me and you, like, I am avoiding that person.
Speaker B:Hey, I got something to do on the other side of the room.
Speaker B:Or I'm going to follow my kids downstairs and start playing with some sort of probably Elsa doll or something like that in the basement.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:As opposed to being able to.
Speaker B:You're exactly right.
Speaker B:Or, like, be even in that, like, stratosphere with them.
Speaker A:I think the whole concept involves, like, how close are the people, your network.
Speaker A:So it's.
Speaker A:It's the concept of proximity, where if I am constantly hanging out with that type of person, I am naturally going to become more negative.
Speaker A:I'm naturally going to bitch about my significant other.
Speaker B:It's your environment, man.
Speaker B:That's exactly what it is.
Speaker A:I'm going to complain about my kids more.
Speaker A:Even if I don't really want to complain about them, even if I love them.
Speaker A:It's because I am with that person and she's taken so much of my energy and I am now becoming similar to that type of person.
Speaker B:Well, I think it's acceptable too, Right.
Speaker B:Like I found myself in scenarios before and I like kick myself, right.
Speaker B:I look back and I'm like, I get into these scenarios, scenarios with that type of person and then I start saying those things or I start like, oh, I want to be accepted by this group, therefore I feel like I need to bash my kids or say something that is degrading to, you know, my significant other.
Speaker B:And I'm like, God, man, like, why'd you do that?
Speaker B:Why, why, why did you like, you know, when I'm having like self reflection or self reflecting thoughts.
Speaker B:Why dumb down?
Speaker B:Why did you like blow your own candle out to go down to their level?
Speaker A:I'm gonna stop you there, Brian.
Speaker A:So let that.
Speaker A:That is someone that has been in your inner circle or that you've grown up with.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And you're starting to feel that, that emotion starting to get triggered.
Speaker B:Disconnect, man.
Speaker A:We're talking about auditing your inner circle.
Speaker A:How do you have that tough conversation?
Speaker B:I don't know if a tough conversation needs to be had, but I do think that it's, you know, I think you just gravitate or you move away over time.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:You don't really ask them to hang out as much.
Speaker B:They're not really asking you to hang out as much.
Speaker A:You get more busy, you get more.
Speaker B:It's just the separation is there now.
Speaker B:Don't get me wrong, like think we're talking about inner circle and we're Talking about the five people or 10 people that you hang around the most.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And there are certain people in different life stages that help you out and you enjoy being around and they fill you up.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:There's so many scenarios where you go to an event or being around somebody and it's like, oh my God.
Speaker B:You leave that event, you're like, oh my.
Speaker B:This is like, I feel so good.
Speaker B:I feel so satisfied and fulfilled.
Speaker B:I love being around John because I always feel like he's so optimistic and he's always seeing the bright side of things and it leaves you with a great feeling.
Speaker B:One thing I did want to add in here is for those listening to the show.
Speaker B:It does take effort.
Speaker B:It does take action to create that.
Speaker B:Like, oh man, I want to be a part of that group.
Speaker B:Okay, well what do you need to do?
Speaker B:Do you need to put yourself out there a little bit?
Speaker B:Which maybe not is not your style.
Speaker B:Maybe you're more of an introvert and that's not really who you are to ask to be a part of a group.
Speaker B:So it does take effort.
Speaker B:It does take hard work.
Speaker B:If that's something you want to be associated with.
Speaker A:With Brian, that's spot on.
Speaker A:I think there is always going to be a concerted effort.
Speaker A:If, let's say you do want to do an Ironman, you should maybe join some people on a long distance bike ride or bike group and start hanging out with those types of people because they're already wired to think that way and discipline to train that way.
Speaker A:So you need to put yourselves in situations where you're going to be close to those types of people and start developing some of the similar behaviors as them.
Speaker A:So I think you're spot on there.
Speaker A:And also, Brian, you mentioned fulfillment.
Speaker A:We hang out with you.
Speaker A:We have our certain family holidays with, with you, Jess, and all of our kids, which I love and I never left.
Speaker A:Those planned holidays or those planned events that we do every year are like family occasions.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:And it's always very fulfilling getting our kids together.
Speaker A:We live 30 minutes away.
Speaker A:Our lives are crazy.
Speaker A:So we get that type of fulfillment hanging out with you all.
Speaker A:But you can have different inner circles.
Speaker A:And we have a really close group of friends that we, we try to get with, you know, once a quarter.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:They share our values.
Speaker A:They are truly invested in their significant others.
Speaker A:They're very supportive.
Speaker A:Everyone gets along.
Speaker A:We have similar mentalities.
Speaker A:I'm usually the awkward one who's making inappropriate comments, making everyone feel uncomfortable.
Speaker B:But hey, you got to spice it up a little bit, man.
Speaker B:You got to have some variety in there.
Speaker A:That's all.
Speaker A:I'm just there for the uncomfortable comments.
Speaker A:But they're all driven and they're all, I would say, similar to the way my wife and I think and the way our relationship is.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:So we always go through that and it's so fulfilling.
Speaker A:Granted, we don't do it all the time.
Speaker A:It's not like we're hanging out every single week.
Speaker A:But we are very intentional when it comes to planning time with them because we want to be around those types of people.
Speaker A:Yeah, same with you all and your family.
Speaker A:It's always family time.
Speaker A:Yeah, we hang out with you all.
Speaker A:It's Always very fulfilling.
Speaker A:And our producer, actually, we're talking off the side.
Speaker A:You know, when we were recording, he said, we talk about your inner circle.
Speaker A:A good litmus test is asking yourself, would I travel with these people?
Speaker A:And you know what's funny is we have traveled.
Speaker A:Everyone I just mentioned, we've traveled with every single one of them, including you all.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:And we would do it again.
Speaker B:No, I love it, man.
Speaker B:And I think when you talk about that, it's about a sense of community and creating that environment of people.
Speaker B:Like you mentioned, that you feel good when you're around and there's no sense of drama or issues or challenges.
Speaker B:And everybody's there to help one another or to genuinely be interested in the other's well being.
Speaker A:Here's a challenge, Brian, I have for anyone listening.
Speaker A:You know, sit down, think about your inner circle.
Speaker A:Who are some of the most important people or the most active people in your lives?
Speaker A:Personally, professionally, it doesn't matter.
Speaker A:Truly think about, are they your biggest fan?
Speaker A:Do they believe in you?
Speaker A:Are they supportive?
Speaker A:Are they holding you accountable?
Speaker A:You know, are they motivating you?
Speaker A:Are they pushing you to go reach your goals?
Speaker A:Or are they taking your energy?
Speaker A:Are they cutting you down?
Speaker A:Are they doubting you?
Speaker A:If those are the types of people that you're surrounding yourself with, may be a good time to stiff arm them and get them out of your circle.
Speaker A:If you enjoy this episode, let us know your thoughts or just shoot this over to someone you're trying to get out of your inner circle or someone that you appreciate having in your circle.
Speaker A:If you asked me when I was 23 years old, it's success is I just want to make a ton of money.
Speaker A:I didn't think about anything else besides making a ton of money.
Speaker A:But your values change, you mature, you get older.
Speaker A:And now success in my eyes is, am I living a truly fulfilling life with where I'm at right now?