Compassion comes easy for us when we see our loved ones struggling or in pain. It requires more effort to tap into compassion for strangers or our enemies. But feeling compassion for ourselves with all our faults? That feels almost impossible!

The truth is, if we're going to go out and do hard things (like sharing our talents with the world) we're gonna need to develop some self-compassion. Why? Because we're going to screw up. We might embarrass ourselves or do something "wrong". We might lose money or gain enemies. We might anger someone or prove our ignorance. And compassion is the answer to it all.

When we put ourselves out into the world, we're committing to showing up for the good, the bad and the ugly. So let's start showing ourselves some big-time love, even if we don't think we deserve it. It will be your biggest secret to success.

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Welcome back friends.

This is episode five of burning brightly.

I can't believe we're on five already.

And thanks so much for being here just like last week today, we're going to

do a little life coaching exercise.

Okay.

And we're going to look at ourselves again from the outside, which can

be a little bit unfamiliar if you're not used to this sort of thing, but

I'm going to walk you through it.

Okay.

What we're going to do today is we're going to develop or learn how to develop.

The role of compassionate observer.

So I want you to think for a second, that you are walking along the

sidewalk and you see something.

Tragic happen, a car accident or, um, someone.

Has an injury or something, and there's nothing you can do.

All you can do is sit there and become a compassionate observer.

What would that look like?

It would probably look like.

Thinking thoughts along the lines of, oh my gosh.

I hope they're not hurt.

Wow.

I can't imagine that would be awful and just kind of holding space

for the person that is struggling.

Okay.

This is what we're going to learn to do for ourselves.

Doesn't that sound fun?

It is, it's one of my favorite parts.

Of understanding myself a little bit better is to become this

compassionate observer to myself.

Okay.

So first let's define compassion.

Okay.

That's a big word and kind of a heavy one, but the dictionary tells me that

someone who is compassionate is someone who has deep sympathy and sorrow.

For another, who is stricken by misfortune.

Often accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

That sounds pretty good.

Right.

Again, back to the example of the car accident, you're

watching you have sympathy of sorrow for the people involved.

You very often have empathy, you put yourself in their place.

Like, I can't imagine what that would be like.

And then very often accompanied by a desire to help, right?

there's a call to nine one one, or, uh, you know, if there's any way

you can help, you want to do that.

Okay.

But we're going to do this for ourselves and not just when there's big, scary

accidents in our life, but with teeny tiny mistakes and misfortunes.

And failures that are going to come to us as we embark on this phase of

building something for ourselves.

Now let's first off, acknowledge that compassion does not come easily.

ourselves.

Okay.

We don't often allow ourselves to feel compassion for ourselves.

Instead, what I've noticed is that we often come up with.

Three other main emotions.

They tend to be guilt, right?

think, oh my gosh, this is my fault.

Let's take the car accident example.

Oh my gosh.

If I had seen that car, I shouldn't have been speeding, whatever.

It's my fault.

There's some guilt there.

Another emotion is blame often comes up.

Oh, it's his fault.

How could he have read that?

Run that red light.

Did he not see me?

Right.

We someone else for the tragedy.

Or self-pity woe is me.

Oh my gosh.

I don't know if my insurance is going to cover this.

It's going to cost so much money and now I'm hurt.

I'm gonna have to go to the hospital.

Right?

So some combination of those three emotions, guilt, blame, and

self-pity are usually what come up when we experienced something.

Unfortunate or something that we don't love in our life.

It's not usually compassion.

And frankly, when you think about it, those three emotions, guilt,

blame, and self-pity feel terrible.

I don't like feeling any of those emotions.

What they do is they keep us focused on what has gone wrong.

In the past.

And they keep us stuck there.

Right.

wallowing and ruminating on it.

Like, oh, if only if only.

Poor me, what was me?

That is not where we want to stay.

Now, if you're going to be starting a new project, building this

business, developing a hobby, putting yourself out into the world.

You must develop compassion for yourself.

And the bonuses.

Developing compassion for yourself will actually benefit all areas of your life.

So the next question is why is compassion so much better?

Than those other emotions then guilt than blame that self pity.

For three reasons.

Okay.

You ready?

Number one compassion communicates.

Love.

I've never been able to feel compassion towards someone that I do

not love, which just goes to show.

We should probably love everyone so that we're able to feel

compassion towards all of them.

Right.

If you can learn to feel compassion for yourself.

There is literally no one on the earth.

You will not be able to feel compassion towards.

Why is this.

Oh, because we know ourselves best.

We know all our imperfections and our shortcomings.

We know those thoughts that blip into our mind that we would

never share with anyone else.

We know those weird quirks.

We know our mistakes.

We know our past.

We know everything about ourselves and so loving and accepting

ourselves the way we are right now.

Is our first and very often our biggest, hardest job.

As Christian women, we sometimes skip over this step because we don't like

to think about ourselves much at all.

Right.

told to be selfless and to serve and to always be thinking about other people.

But if we are commanded to love others, as we love ourself, wouldn't that mean

that loving herself is our first job.

Because if you don't love yourself, It becomes a little bit difficult to

know how to love another like yourself.

Does that make sense?

If we want to love others like ourselves, we have to learn

how to love ourselves first.

Now imagine for a second, that you are going forward on this

path to creating a business.

And you know that it's going to be full of mistakes and stumbles and failures.

But what if you knew that all of those mistakes and failures

would be met with pure love?

Can you imagine for a second, having a boss like that, that

when you showed up late to a deadline or you messed up a report,

Or you just totally dropped the ball on something that you would just be met

with love and acceptance and compassion.

How it would be incredible.

But guess what?

You can be that boss for yourself, what let's do that, right.

Let's become that perfect boss that just.

Exudes compassion and love towards ourselves.

No matter what goes wrong.

Okay.

The second reason that compassion feels so much better than those

other emotions, then guilt, blame.

Self-pity.

Is that compassion is not self-indulgent.

Now, you're going to hear about indulgent emotions, a lot in

life coaching, but those three are classic indulgent emotions.

They are the emotions that feel good in the moment, but keep us

stuck and do not help us progress.

Now all emotions need to be processed when they come up for us, we need to feel them.

And then move on, but those Very often I find myself just circling

the drain with those right.

blame, blame, blame, blame, guilt, guilt, guilt, self pity, all day long.

It's very difficult to move through these.

If we allow them to sit and just wallow in them.

And I think that the main reason for this is because of our self

preservation side of things.

Right.

Remember episode three, where we talked about our brain sabotaging us, because

it's just easier to not do the hard thing.

It's so much easier for me to sit around feeling sorry for myself.

That my last course launch didn't go well, didn't make any money

than it is to just move through that failure and get back to work.

Instead.

I just want to sit around feeling sorry for myself.

That's so much more fun.

And maybe if there's ice cream involved too.

It gets to sit around and eat ice cream feels sorry for myself.

Instead of just looking at it, feeling compassion for myself

and the disappointment I feel.

And then getting back to work.

Compassion also requires of us that we look at ourselves from

that third person perspective.

We need to look at ourselves lovingly.

With understanding.

With a listening ear and without judgment, we need to be that

best friend for ourselves.

Put an arm around ourselves metaphorically.

Right?

I know this sounds weird to do this to yourself, but trust me, it is so powerful

to show up for yourself as that best friend that you wish you had, or has

that boss that you wish you had and say, gosh, that must've been frustrating.

I'm so sorry that that course launched didn't make money and you

had bigger expectations for it.

I'm so sorry that nobody showed interest in this program that you

put out or this product that you poured your heart and soul into.

I understand now let's get back to the drawing board and

figure out what went wrong.

Now the third reason why compassion is so much more important and better.

Then guilt blame and self-pity.

Is, and I would argue that this is the most important reason is

that compassion is Christ-like.

And it channels Christ's love.

Now you may have noticed that the word compassion comes up a

lot in the scriptures, especially when it comes to Jesus Christ.

The

are frequently talking about Christ's compassion towards his followers, towards

sinners, towards those who hated him.

Everyone.

He met felt his compassion.

In fact,

In fact, in the book of Mormon, which is an additional piece of

scripture that our faith has, a scripture that talks about Christ

bowels being filled with compassion.

It's not some great imagery.

Can you imagine just your, your entire abdomen being filled with

compassion for those around you?

And for yourself.

That's a Can you imagine for a second, if that's how you felt towards your husband?

And your children and the annoying neighbor and even yourself.

I love this thought that the amazing Jodie more shares, and she says that

she believes it is impossible to love anyone more than you love yourself.

And I firmly agree.

So let's bring more, Christ-like love into our lives in general.

By feeling his love for ourselves first.

So my challenge for you today is to embrace this practice of stepping into

the role of compassionate observer.

Every single day, figure out a way that works for you.

Maybe writing a journal entry could be a really powerful way to do it.

You sit down and write to yourself as if you are that compassionate,

best friend looking at your day.

You could do it just while looking at yourself in the mirror,

you're washing your face and.

And this to yourself, right?

It could be while you're driving home at the end of the day, but choose a

time and place where you were going to look at what you accomplished,

what you didn't accomplish.

What you made mistakes on what you screwed up, the things that transpire during

your day and review them with your best friend, with your compassionate observer.

Allow yourself to feel love and compassion wash over you for all

of the things that you did today.

Good, bad, ugly.

It doesn't matter.

And to allow yourself that fresh start.

I talk about this a lot.

You guys.

But there is no way to improve yourself through self-loathing.

Through guilt through blame through self-pity.

It is only through compassion and love and understanding that we are doing

the very best we can every single day.

love and acceptance towards yourself with a healthy dose of accountability.

And there is nothing that you cannot accomplish.

So let's go out there and create something amazing.