Self- Abandonment is a tricky topic.
Welcome to another insightful episode of The Borealis Experience Podcast, where we delve into the complexities of personal development and self-discovery.
In today's episode, we're exploring the profound connection between self-abandonment, self-love, and the often-misunderstood world of New Year's resolutions.
What does it mean to neglect or reject ourselves emotionally and why is it so prevalent?
As the new year dawns, many of us embark on the well-intentioned journey of setting resolutions. However, we explore the argument that New Year's resolutions may be a futile endeavor if the foundation of self-love is absent. Our conversation delves into the psychology behind resolutions and why, without a strong self-affirming base, they might not stand the test of time.
Remember, the path to self-discovery is ongoing, and your commitment to loving yourself is the most transformative resolution of all.
Thank you for supporting The Borealis Experience Podcast where we explore the dance between self-acceptance and personal evolution.
With much love
A.
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#wellbeing
#empowerment
#lifecoach
#relationships
#mentalhealth
#beyoufearlessly
Hello, and
Unknown:welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm so happy to be
Unknown:back to be reconnecting with you. I hope you're doing well. I
Unknown:hope you feel peace. I hope you feel confident about yourself, I
Unknown:hope you feel good about the path that you're on the journey
Unknown:that you're engaged in. And if that's not the case, if you feel
Unknown:confused, stuck, frustrated, lost. I hope my podcast will add
Unknown:value to your life and support you inspire you make you feel
Unknown:your heart and your soul. On a deeper level. I have a puppy
Unknown:whining in the background. So that's my my challenge today.
Unknown:But we'll just go with the flow and I will not let myself get
Unknown:distracted. So it's
Unknown:January, January.
Unknown:difficulty speaking today.
Unknown:It's January 7 2024.
Unknown:We brought Christmas behind us and the New Year celebrations. I
Unknown:hope you feel right. I hope you had a good time with friends and
Unknown:family or with yourself if you decided to spend the holidays
Unknown:alone. I totally understand this too. But yeah, I hope you don't
Unknown:feel burned out. Because a lot of people that I talked to right
Unknown:now are kind of happy that things are over. They had a good
Unknown:time with family, good food and great outdoors activities
Unknown:together. But it can also be a lot, a lot of texting, back and
Unknown:forth coordinating, trying to please everybody or
Unknown:accommodating everybody trying to not step on people's toes.
Unknown:Trying to not feel triggered when it comes to family. Sorry,
Unknown:family. So it can be a lot, there's a lot of expectations
Unknown:involved. There's a lot of you know, out of routine, days
Unknown:happening. And that's good. Let's get it messy. Let's get it
Unknown:chaotic. But then it's also nice and exciting to go back to
Unknown:routine. And maybe starting a new routine, right New Year's
Unknown:resolutions, goals, dreams, whatever it is. intentions, a
Unknown:lot of people talk about setting intentions now instead of having
Unknown:a New Year's resolutions, and I totally applaud that embrace
Unknown:that myself. Sometimes having resolutions are great, but it
Unknown:can be too rigid, it can be you know, too big of a change that
Unknown:we all of a sudden want to engage in. And then we drop it
Unknown:after two weeks or maybe after two days already, get frustrated
Unknown:with ourselves and then end up in a position that is worse than
Unknown:when we first started. And I want to help you with that. I
Unknown:don't want you to feel frustrated, I don't want you to
Unknown:you know not set set goals or chase after your dreams. But
Unknown:what I want to encourage you and make you aware of is that
Unknown:sometimes we are with ourselves with our relationship to
Unknown:ourselves, our life. We are in a spot where we tend to self
Unknown:abandon, we put ourselves last. We have very harsh self talk. We
Unknown:have belief systems in place that are not necessarily you
Unknown:know, heart opening and kind towards ourself, or others. And
Unknown:then we come up with a new year's resolution. Let's say we
Unknown:want to have a successful business by the end of the year.
Unknown:While we want to lose 15 kilos throughout the year. We want to
Unknown:exercise regularly. If those New Year's resolutions meet a person
Unknown:that constantly abandoned him or herself. That's not going to
Unknown:work out. You're just going to hate yourself even more you're
Unknown:going to feel like the biggest failure ever, if you have a
Unknown:coach who tells you, yeah, awesome, set your goals low. And
Unknown:then, you know, we build on that. And that's great advice
Unknown:for a person who's been working on themselves and loves
Unknown:themselves already. But a lot of people are not there yet. And
Unknown:that's perfectly fine. No need to feel embarrassed or no need
Unknown:to feel less than or not enough. But a lot of people have to
Unknown:realize that they look into the mirror in the morning. And they
Unknown:absolutely hate what they see. They can't even bring up a
Unknown:smile, they can can't even look into their own eyes. And how can
Unknown:a person like that all of a sudden, engage in practices that
Unknown:are completely self loving and hard opening, right, just like a
Unknown:person who has been living on the streets for the last couple
Unknown:of weeks or months, all of a sudden going to a spa, they will
Unknown:not feel comfortable. Because their nervous system is still in
Unknown:abandonment mode, survival mode, having to fight or flight mode.
Unknown:And then you want to start to you know, draw them a bath and
Unknown:spend money on a massage and go to the hairdresser and have your
Unknown:nails done and engage in a coaching journey. That might be
Unknown:not in alignment with the person's nervous system, it
Unknown:might be too much, like too much of a drastic change. And then
Unknown:you cannot expect good results. You can have a great mindset,
Unknown:very positive, very, right, push through the day, everything is
Unknown:great, and kind of harass yourself to feel happy. But on
Unknown:the inside, you know that you're lying to yourself on the inside,
Unknown:you know that you're not ready yet for this. So you got to dial
Unknown:back a little bit. And realize and accept that you don't like
Unknown:yourself. Otherwise you wouldn't abandon yourself. And if you
Unknown:were not to abandon yourself constantly, you could
Unknown:consistently engage in self care practices. But there's something
Unknown:inside of you that keeps manipulating the situation. And
Unknown:what is that little thing inside of you? What is it that prevents
Unknown:you from being consistent from showing up from being punctual
Unknown:from being orderly from being this loving, open heart, a
Unknown:person that absolutely adores him or herself and respects and
Unknown:loves other people? You got to come back to that you can't run
Unknown:away from it. You can, but it will cost you so much more
Unknown:effort and energy and will just be a great waste of time.
Unknown:Because again, on the outside, you will look like oh man, he's
Unknown:got it all together. Oh, man, she's got it all. But on the
Unknown:inside, you know, you're lying to yourself. And I'm always,
Unknown:always always if you're listening to this podcast for
Unknown:the first time. Here is what I do is that I want to get you to
Unknown:the point where you look from the inside out and not from the
Unknown:outside and not from the perspective of how do I fit in
Unknown:how do I function? What do other people think of me? How do I you
Unknown:know, communicate with other people. That's important too.
Unknown:Because we all want to belong. We all need to belong for
Unknown:survival. But I want you to go within to make space and time to
Unknown:learn about yourself. Who are you? What part is it inside of
Unknown:you? That keeps abandoning yourself that prevents you from
Unknown:showing up from for yourself sorry. What is it that makes you
Unknown:think that you're not deserving of nicely you know, running
Unknown:business and above Then life, what is it inside of you, that
Unknown:doesn't accept this beautiful relationship that you're in. And
Unknown:you keep pushing your partner away. You keep building walls,
Unknown:you keep blaming and shaming and all along, you know, it's
Unknown:something inside of you that you need to heal. What is it inside
Unknown:of you that makes you feel less than that? Has you compare
Unknown:yourself all the time? And not always, but often I go back in
Unknown:time with people, with my clients during the coaching
Unknown:journey, and we explore what happened, what, what really
Unknown:messed up your sense of self? And can we heal that? Can we
Unknown:change your perspective on that? Right? I had a client the other
Unknown:day, and she said, she's basically an orphan. She has no
Unknown:parents she never had because they neglected her. They made
Unknown:her feel shit. They, you know, emotionally, physically abused
Unknown:her. She's an orphan, she says.
Unknown:And she has a shaky foundation. So she is successful now. But
Unknown:she's always scared that it's going to be taken away from her.
Unknown:She's always scared that that hard that curtain? How do you
Unknown:say that house of cards will collapse one day, because she
Unknown:has a shaky foundation. Because her parents are just, they were
Unknown:not parents for her. She didn't grow up with caregivers that
Unknown:loved her, supported her. And so she doesn't really believe
Unknown:herself in her success. And that's such a tragic story.
Unknown:Because this woman is so extremely beautiful and so
Unknown:capable and so intelligent, loving. And yet she believes
Unknown:that she's not worthy because of her upbringing. So what we do is
Unknown:we go back in time, and we find situations where she felt this
Unknown:way, for the first time. And then change the perspective,
Unknown:learn more about her parents, her upbringing, and so on, and
Unknown:so on, and so on. So we sometimes have to go back in
Unknown:time, right? Because a lot of people ask me, oh, I want to
Unknown:start coaching. But I heard that's, you know, we only look
Unknown:into the future, and we build strength for the future. Yeah,
Unknown:we do all that. But sometimes you got to go back to your
Unknown:roots. And you got to heal from the roots. And make sure that
Unknown:you know, how worthy you are. Because no coaching in this
Unknown:world is going to help you if you think you're not worthy of
Unknown:it. And no, you know, New Year's resolution and self care
Unknown:practice that you want to engage in is gonna, you know, be
Unknown:consistent. How do you say that my English is really bad today,
Unknown:you will not be able to stay consistent. It will not be
Unknown:sustainable. If you don't love yourself, and was your mind was
Unknown:the ego, you can, you know, keep forcing it and keep showing up
Unknown:and go to the gym and lift heavier weights. But it's going
Unknown:to be harder and harder. It's going to take more and more
Unknown:effort. If you don't go back to your self abandonment issues.
Unknown:And how does self abandonment look like? Well, self
Unknown:abandonment has many, many faces. Right? We can have a
Unknown:morning routine or we can have a plan for how our day wants to
Unknown:unfold how we would feel best. And then somebody comes up and
Unknown:say Hey, can you help me with this? All right, then I'm going
Unknown:to help you with this. Because that person has helped us in the
Unknown:past. We're going to show up for them now. All right, and then we
Unknown:sit down and we want to get worked down. Finally everything
Unknown:is quiet. We start working 10 minutes into the work. We think
Unknown:I never got back to that person on Facebook. I better get them a
Unknown:message sent because otherwise they be upset it, then I'm on
Unknown:Facebook messaging. Next thing you know, I'm on social media on
Unknown:tick tock on Instagram, everywhere checking if there's
Unknown:messages or notifications or anything I need to get back to
Unknown:half an hour goes by, oh shit, okay, I gotta go back to work,
Unknown:then the phone rings and there's a person who needs help. And of
Unknown:course, you're not going to, you know, let them down and you show
Unknown:up for them. And then so your whole morning went by, in the
Unknown:evening, you wanted to subscribe to a yoga class. And now your
Unknown:husband tells you or your partner or whoever wanted to
Unknown:show up for you that they don't have time to babysit the dog or
Unknown:your child. And yeah, he goes your self care practice. You
Unknown:have belief systems that when something goes wrong, that life
Unknown:is against you, when somebody is upset or angry or treats you
Unknown:like very poorly, that you deserve it, you have a hard time
Unknown:setting boundaries, you have an extremely hard time expressing
Unknown:your needs. Especially when it comes to your family and your
Unknown:relationships.
Unknown:You
Unknown:have a feeling that consistency and structure is restraining you
Unknown:restricting you it doesn't feel good. So you don't like
Unknown:structure. Because back then, at school, maybe you had a bad
Unknown:experience with a teacher and now you hate authority you hate
Unknown:discipline you hate, you know, being punctual, you don't like
Unknown:structure, because you have a negative condition, conditioning
Unknown:with with structure and discipline, but that's needed in
Unknown:order to be successful. So there's a tug of war, inside of
Unknown:you, when you want to get things done, that you have a genuine
Unknown:resistance to discipline, you can stay focused because of
Unknown:that. And you get frustrated at yourself. And when people treat
Unknown:you poorly, you believe them, you don't stand up for yourself,
Unknown:when people need something from you. You give them you know,
Unknown:you're all which is great. But we have to find times where we
Unknown:say no. So to work on that first and to train, standing in front
Unknown:of the mirror and to train to accept all parts of you. And to
Unknown:bring up the parts that you resist. And absolutely, you
Unknown:know, dislike and reject and to engage on a journey to embrace
Unknown:those parts. Because if you keep living in denial of those parts,
Unknown:they're gonna keep limping behind you, you know, like a
Unknown:shadow like a sad, starved little dog. So you got to give
Unknown:it some intention, even though it's not comfortable. But
Unknown:otherwise, there's no point in engaging in great New Year's
Unknown:intentions, resolutions, however you want to call it goals and
Unknown:dreams. Because once you get there once you have the perfect
Unknown:body once you have the great relationship, once you have the
Unknown:job once you have the running business, you will not feel like
Unknown:you deserve it. It will not be sustainable. And then what was
Unknown:all the effort for you got to train your whole nervous system,
Unknown:your whole being to be the biggest, greatest gift of love
Unknown:to this world. That is so incredibly unique and magical
Unknown:and needed. And then you were engaged in practices that are in
Unknown:resonance with that. Everything that you do before embracing
Unknown:yourself and loving yourself is going to be a waste of money.
Unknown:All right. This is my message for you today and I'll send you
Unknown:out into the state and this evening was so much love so much
Unknown:respect. I can't wait to meet with you in person, be it at the
Unknown:year experience or over zoom. I'm always there for questions.
Unknown:If you have questions, you know, regarding this episode, if you
Unknown:ever requests for a future episodes, never hold back. And
Unknown:if you're curious about a coaching journey with me, sent
Unknown:me a message. And I'd be glad to, yeah, share with you how I
Unknown:approach this thing called coaching. And yeah, if you have
Unknown:a partner, if you are in a relationship, we can certainly
Unknown:include your partner, or even try out a one time and Timothy
Unknown:class, which I highly recommend, before engaging on a longer
Unknown:journey. And if you're single, and want to heal from past
Unknown:heartbreak and feel, yeah, you are not on a on a good path
Unknown:right now with being single and you want to change things around
Unknown:but you don't know how, then I'd gladly serve you as well. All
Unknown:right, take really good care of yourself. And as you know, this
Unknown:podcast is kind of a build up a progression. Very timeless, so
Unknown:go back to old episodes, you can conveniently pick them up or
Unknown:titles, whatever you find most interesting, and this podcast is
Unknown:offer free and I wanted to keep it that way. But if you got some
Unknown:value out of it, please consider leaving a review on Apple
Unknown:podcasts or Spotify or rating. And there is a donation button
Unknown:in the shownotes buy me a coffee. Of course I won't buy a
Unknown:coffee with the money. I will put it right back into my
Unknown:podcast expenses or incomes to cover the expenses and I'd be so
Unknown:ever grateful to receive any kind of feedback was so much
Unknown:love. Take good care of yourself. Bye bye