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Ep.31 Self-Abandonment and how New Year's resolutions are a waste of time if you don't like yourself [self awareness]
Episode 317th January 2024 • The Borealis Experience • Aurora Eggert
00:00:00 00:22:19

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Self- Abandonment is a tricky topic.

Welcome to another insightful episode of The Borealis Experience Podcast, where we delve into the complexities of personal development and self-discovery.

In today's episode, we're exploring the profound connection between self-abandonment, self-love, and the often-misunderstood world of New Year's resolutions.

What does it mean to neglect or reject ourselves emotionally and why is it so prevalent?

As the new year dawns, many of us embark on the well-intentioned journey of setting resolutions. However, we explore the argument that New Year's resolutions may be a futile endeavor if the foundation of self-love is absent. Our conversation delves into the psychology behind resolutions and why, without a strong self-affirming base, they might not stand the test of time.


Remember, the path to self-discovery is ongoing, and your commitment to loving yourself is the most transformative resolution of all.

Thank you for supporting The Borealis Experience Podcast where we explore the dance between self-acceptance and personal evolution.

With much love

A.


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Transcripts

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Hello, and

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welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm so happy to be

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back to be reconnecting with you. I hope you're doing well. I

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hope you feel peace. I hope you feel confident about yourself, I

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hope you feel good about the path that you're on the journey

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that you're engaged in. And if that's not the case, if you feel

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confused, stuck, frustrated, lost. I hope my podcast will add

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value to your life and support you inspire you make you feel

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your heart and your soul. On a deeper level. I have a puppy

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whining in the background. So that's my my challenge today.

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But we'll just go with the flow and I will not let myself get

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distracted. So it's

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January, January.

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difficulty speaking today.

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It's January 7 2024.

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We brought Christmas behind us and the New Year celebrations. I

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hope you feel right. I hope you had a good time with friends and

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family or with yourself if you decided to spend the holidays

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alone. I totally understand this too. But yeah, I hope you don't

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feel burned out. Because a lot of people that I talked to right

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now are kind of happy that things are over. They had a good

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time with family, good food and great outdoors activities

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together. But it can also be a lot, a lot of texting, back and

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forth coordinating, trying to please everybody or

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accommodating everybody trying to not step on people's toes.

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Trying to not feel triggered when it comes to family. Sorry,

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family. So it can be a lot, there's a lot of expectations

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involved. There's a lot of you know, out of routine, days

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happening. And that's good. Let's get it messy. Let's get it

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chaotic. But then it's also nice and exciting to go back to

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routine. And maybe starting a new routine, right New Year's

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resolutions, goals, dreams, whatever it is. intentions, a

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lot of people talk about setting intentions now instead of having

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a New Year's resolutions, and I totally applaud that embrace

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that myself. Sometimes having resolutions are great, but it

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can be too rigid, it can be you know, too big of a change that

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we all of a sudden want to engage in. And then we drop it

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after two weeks or maybe after two days already, get frustrated

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with ourselves and then end up in a position that is worse than

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when we first started. And I want to help you with that. I

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don't want you to feel frustrated, I don't want you to

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you know not set set goals or chase after your dreams. But

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what I want to encourage you and make you aware of is that

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sometimes we are with ourselves with our relationship to

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ourselves, our life. We are in a spot where we tend to self

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abandon, we put ourselves last. We have very harsh self talk. We

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have belief systems in place that are not necessarily you

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know, heart opening and kind towards ourself, or others. And

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then we come up with a new year's resolution. Let's say we

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want to have a successful business by the end of the year.

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While we want to lose 15 kilos throughout the year. We want to

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exercise regularly. If those New Year's resolutions meet a person

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that constantly abandoned him or herself. That's not going to

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work out. You're just going to hate yourself even more you're

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going to feel like the biggest failure ever, if you have a

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coach who tells you, yeah, awesome, set your goals low. And

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then, you know, we build on that. And that's great advice

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for a person who's been working on themselves and loves

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themselves already. But a lot of people are not there yet. And

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that's perfectly fine. No need to feel embarrassed or no need

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to feel less than or not enough. But a lot of people have to

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realize that they look into the mirror in the morning. And they

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absolutely hate what they see. They can't even bring up a

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smile, they can can't even look into their own eyes. And how can

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a person like that all of a sudden, engage in practices that

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are completely self loving and hard opening, right, just like a

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person who has been living on the streets for the last couple

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of weeks or months, all of a sudden going to a spa, they will

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not feel comfortable. Because their nervous system is still in

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abandonment mode, survival mode, having to fight or flight mode.

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And then you want to start to you know, draw them a bath and

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spend money on a massage and go to the hairdresser and have your

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nails done and engage in a coaching journey. That might be

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not in alignment with the person's nervous system, it

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might be too much, like too much of a drastic change. And then

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you cannot expect good results. You can have a great mindset,

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very positive, very, right, push through the day, everything is

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great, and kind of harass yourself to feel happy. But on

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the inside, you know that you're lying to yourself on the inside,

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you know that you're not ready yet for this. So you got to dial

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back a little bit. And realize and accept that you don't like

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yourself. Otherwise you wouldn't abandon yourself. And if you

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were not to abandon yourself constantly, you could

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consistently engage in self care practices. But there's something

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inside of you that keeps manipulating the situation. And

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what is that little thing inside of you? What is it that prevents

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you from being consistent from showing up from being punctual

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from being orderly from being this loving, open heart, a

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person that absolutely adores him or herself and respects and

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loves other people? You got to come back to that you can't run

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away from it. You can, but it will cost you so much more

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effort and energy and will just be a great waste of time.

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Because again, on the outside, you will look like oh man, he's

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got it all together. Oh, man, she's got it all. But on the

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inside, you know, you're lying to yourself. And I'm always,

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always always if you're listening to this podcast for

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the first time. Here is what I do is that I want to get you to

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the point where you look from the inside out and not from the

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outside and not from the perspective of how do I fit in

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how do I function? What do other people think of me? How do I you

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know, communicate with other people. That's important too.

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Because we all want to belong. We all need to belong for

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survival. But I want you to go within to make space and time to

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learn about yourself. Who are you? What part is it inside of

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you? That keeps abandoning yourself that prevents you from

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showing up from for yourself sorry. What is it that makes you

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think that you're not deserving of nicely you know, running

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business and above Then life, what is it inside of you, that

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doesn't accept this beautiful relationship that you're in. And

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you keep pushing your partner away. You keep building walls,

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you keep blaming and shaming and all along, you know, it's

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something inside of you that you need to heal. What is it inside

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of you that makes you feel less than that? Has you compare

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yourself all the time? And not always, but often I go back in

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time with people, with my clients during the coaching

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journey, and we explore what happened, what, what really

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messed up your sense of self? And can we heal that? Can we

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change your perspective on that? Right? I had a client the other

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day, and she said, she's basically an orphan. She has no

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parents she never had because they neglected her. They made

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her feel shit. They, you know, emotionally, physically abused

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her. She's an orphan, she says.

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And she has a shaky foundation. So she is successful now. But

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she's always scared that it's going to be taken away from her.

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She's always scared that that hard that curtain? How do you

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say that house of cards will collapse one day, because she

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has a shaky foundation. Because her parents are just, they were

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not parents for her. She didn't grow up with caregivers that

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loved her, supported her. And so she doesn't really believe

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herself in her success. And that's such a tragic story.

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Because this woman is so extremely beautiful and so

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capable and so intelligent, loving. And yet she believes

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that she's not worthy because of her upbringing. So what we do is

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we go back in time, and we find situations where she felt this

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way, for the first time. And then change the perspective,

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learn more about her parents, her upbringing, and so on, and

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so on, and so on. So we sometimes have to go back in

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time, right? Because a lot of people ask me, oh, I want to

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start coaching. But I heard that's, you know, we only look

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into the future, and we build strength for the future. Yeah,

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we do all that. But sometimes you got to go back to your

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roots. And you got to heal from the roots. And make sure that

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you know, how worthy you are. Because no coaching in this

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world is going to help you if you think you're not worthy of

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it. And no, you know, New Year's resolution and self care

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practice that you want to engage in is gonna, you know, be

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consistent. How do you say that my English is really bad today,

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you will not be able to stay consistent. It will not be

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sustainable. If you don't love yourself, and was your mind was

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the ego, you can, you know, keep forcing it and keep showing up

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and go to the gym and lift heavier weights. But it's going

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to be harder and harder. It's going to take more and more

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effort. If you don't go back to your self abandonment issues.

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And how does self abandonment look like? Well, self

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abandonment has many, many faces. Right? We can have a

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morning routine or we can have a plan for how our day wants to

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unfold how we would feel best. And then somebody comes up and

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say Hey, can you help me with this? All right, then I'm going

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to help you with this. Because that person has helped us in the

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past. We're going to show up for them now. All right, and then we

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sit down and we want to get worked down. Finally everything

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is quiet. We start working 10 minutes into the work. We think

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I never got back to that person on Facebook. I better get them a

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message sent because otherwise they be upset it, then I'm on

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Facebook messaging. Next thing you know, I'm on social media on

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tick tock on Instagram, everywhere checking if there's

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messages or notifications or anything I need to get back to

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half an hour goes by, oh shit, okay, I gotta go back to work,

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then the phone rings and there's a person who needs help. And of

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course, you're not going to, you know, let them down and you show

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up for them. And then so your whole morning went by, in the

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evening, you wanted to subscribe to a yoga class. And now your

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husband tells you or your partner or whoever wanted to

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show up for you that they don't have time to babysit the dog or

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your child. And yeah, he goes your self care practice. You

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have belief systems that when something goes wrong, that life

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is against you, when somebody is upset or angry or treats you

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like very poorly, that you deserve it, you have a hard time

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setting boundaries, you have an extremely hard time expressing

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your needs. Especially when it comes to your family and your

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relationships.

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You

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have a feeling that consistency and structure is restraining you

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restricting you it doesn't feel good. So you don't like

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structure. Because back then, at school, maybe you had a bad

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experience with a teacher and now you hate authority you hate

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discipline you hate, you know, being punctual, you don't like

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structure, because you have a negative condition, conditioning

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with with structure and discipline, but that's needed in

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order to be successful. So there's a tug of war, inside of

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you, when you want to get things done, that you have a genuine

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resistance to discipline, you can stay focused because of

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that. And you get frustrated at yourself. And when people treat

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you poorly, you believe them, you don't stand up for yourself,

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when people need something from you. You give them you know,

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you're all which is great. But we have to find times where we

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say no. So to work on that first and to train, standing in front

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of the mirror and to train to accept all parts of you. And to

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bring up the parts that you resist. And absolutely, you

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know, dislike and reject and to engage on a journey to embrace

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those parts. Because if you keep living in denial of those parts,

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they're gonna keep limping behind you, you know, like a

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shadow like a sad, starved little dog. So you got to give

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it some intention, even though it's not comfortable. But

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otherwise, there's no point in engaging in great New Year's

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intentions, resolutions, however you want to call it goals and

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dreams. Because once you get there once you have the perfect

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body once you have the great relationship, once you have the

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job once you have the running business, you will not feel like

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you deserve it. It will not be sustainable. And then what was

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all the effort for you got to train your whole nervous system,

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your whole being to be the biggest, greatest gift of love

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to this world. That is so incredibly unique and magical

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and needed. And then you were engaged in practices that are in

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resonance with that. Everything that you do before embracing

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yourself and loving yourself is going to be a waste of money.

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All right. This is my message for you today and I'll send you

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out into the state and this evening was so much love so much

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respect. I can't wait to meet with you in person, be it at the

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year experience or over zoom. I'm always there for questions.

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If you have questions, you know, regarding this episode, if you

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ever requests for a future episodes, never hold back. And

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if you're curious about a coaching journey with me, sent

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me a message. And I'd be glad to, yeah, share with you how I

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approach this thing called coaching. And yeah, if you have

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a partner, if you are in a relationship, we can certainly

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include your partner, or even try out a one time and Timothy

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class, which I highly recommend, before engaging on a longer

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journey. And if you're single, and want to heal from past

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heartbreak and feel, yeah, you are not on a on a good path

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right now with being single and you want to change things around

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but you don't know how, then I'd gladly serve you as well. All

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right, take really good care of yourself. And as you know, this

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podcast is kind of a build up a progression. Very timeless, so

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go back to old episodes, you can conveniently pick them up or

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titles, whatever you find most interesting, and this podcast is

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offer free and I wanted to keep it that way. But if you got some

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value out of it, please consider leaving a review on Apple

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podcasts or Spotify or rating. And there is a donation button

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in the shownotes buy me a coffee. Of course I won't buy a

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coffee with the money. I will put it right back into my

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podcast expenses or incomes to cover the expenses and I'd be so

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ever grateful to receive any kind of feedback was so much

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love. Take good care of yourself. Bye bye

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