A guy got SHOT at a wedding because someone called him out for eating meatballs with his dirt dick beaters. John and the Duchess kick things off with a genuine controversy: McDonald's apple pie temperature inconsistency, which somehow leads to the Duchess eating two pies in one sitting. Then the news gets heavy fast. A New Jersey cop used law enforcement databases to stalk teenage girls. An Alabama man died of a heart attack while literally in the middle of dumping his girlfriend's body. A French asylum case so disturbing it speaks for itself — no commentary needed. And a Supreme Court ruling on mail-in ballots that the mainstream press is calling routine, but John isn't buying it for one second — he walks through the flood of public comments calling it exactly what it looks like, Trump fires back demanding photo ID and proof of citizenship, and the Amy Coney Barrett second-guessing begins. The five Republican holdouts get named, and nobody softens a word of it.
Things lighten back up — barely — with the Detroit Lions' Terrion Arnold facing life in prison on kidnapping and armed robbery charges nobody in mainstream sports media wants to touch, and a heartfelt Mel Brooks 100th birthday tribute complete with the AFI's Blazing Saddles ranking controversy. And because the news cycle never lets up, they close it out completely off the rails: a real-life Mexican vigilante Batman taping thieves to telephone poles, Dean's groan-worthy Batman and Star Wars jokes, and Sparky Toaster somehow nailing his 90-second voicemail time limit with nine seconds to spare. Come hang with people who say what they actually think.
