Carla served as a children’s pastor for 10 years, so we invited her on today to chat with us about parenting and inviting kids in to faith and learning in this odd time. She is an expert in creating curriculum for children to know God and His love and in this episode she shared her wisdom on how to develop kids into healthy, whole people. Carla invites us into the idea of home being a gift, and shares practical ways to make home feel like a gift to our kids too.

Resources:

Books and Online Curriculum:

Kids Read Truth: http://kidsreadtruth.com/

Telling God's Story Bible Curriculum by Peter Enns

The Story of God's Love for You by Sally Lloyd-Jones

Indescribable, Science Devotions by Louie Giglio

The Garden, The Curtain and the Cross by Carl Laferton and Catalina Echeverri

The Ology: Ancient Truths, Ever New by Marty Machowski and Andy McGuire

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name by Sally Lloyd Jones

Love Does for Kids by Bob Goff and Lindsey Goff Viducich

Free Online Learning for Young Kids (these are our favorites!)

https://www.starfall.com/

https://www.teachyourmonstertoread.com/

https://www.education.com/

https://www.brainpop.com/

https://www.typing.com/

Reading Lists for Reading aloud to your children:

https://readaloudrevival.com/rar-booklist/

A Podcast Episode for Suddenly-at-Home-Schoolers by Julie Bogart: http://blog.bravewriter.com/2020/03/23/podcast-suddenly-at-home-schoolers/

Welcome to the Collide Podcast. We're a growing community of everyday chicks colliding with Jesus in our mess, our pain, our joy, and our stories.

We value showing up as we truly are, so that's what you'll find here. Walls and masks being torn down so that we can allow Jesus to meet us where we truly are and hear about other women doing the same.

We can't wait to collide with you.

Kids really want to be a part of the adult world more than we think. So inviting them to be a whole member of the family of God, not like a junior member or a one day, like, they're not.

A lot of people say, like, they're the church of tomorrow, but that totally discounts, like, who they are right now.

Welcome to the Collide Podcast. I'm Willow Weston, the founder and director of Collide, and I'm so excited to have Carla Cisneros on the podcast today.

I've known Carla for years, and I have great respect and admiration for her life and her faith and her integrity and her character and for the way that she walks out her love of Jesus. And Carla served as a children's pastor for 10 years and is now unexpectedly homeschooling.

And she is a mom of three currently living in Oceanside, California, and she has been married to her funny and incredibly talented and, let me tell you, uber intelligent husband for over 17 years. Carla loves nature, learning with her kids, coffee, the beach, and great conversation. And we're about to have a great conversation.

So, Carla, thank you for jumping on the Collide Podcast.

Thank you for having me.

Yeah.

For years now, you've been working with kids, and I've been talking a ton on the podcast lately and on our blog, and we just put out a parenting kit for parents to help them be intentional, to sort of ground and center their kids in faith rather than fear.

So we've been talking about it a lot, and I just thought, man, I want to have Carla on the podcast because you've been working with kids for so long and creating curriculum for kids to know God and God's love, and now you hang out with your kids every single day, all day.

So I just have a jillion questions to ask you in this time when all these parents are all of a sudden having to find creative ways to engage their kids since they're being kind of quarantined and their kids are in their face all day.

Your husband is working from home, you're homeschooling your kids, and you're all packed into a house you just moved into and now you can't leave and discover the new town that you just moved to. Let us in on what life is looking like for you every day right now.

So as weird as it sounds, it's feeling kind of normal. We, Yeah, I mean, especially the past year and a half, I would say we've spent a ton of time at home.

And yeah, Johnny was working from home for that whole time.

So having him home all the time and like being in each other's business and space way too much and like, not like wearing pajamas on the bottom and normal clothes on top has kind of been our life. Like, I feel oddly prepared for this moment in time.

Oh my gosh, you're cracking me up. Earlier today I was on a work call working on a project online with someone.

So I'm on speakerphone with them while we're like working on a dock together and my son comes over and he's got hip hop music playing loud. My husband's yelling because the dogs have escaped. The door is wide open. I'm like, I've probably said at that point three times, I'm on a work wall.

No one cares. They're just still doing the thing all around me of being loud and obnoxious and yelling whose fault it is that the dog got let out.

And I like, how do people do this? How do pull it off? How do you and Johnny pull it off where you work in the same house together?

Well, yeah, we go insane like really regularly. So like, if you're having those moments of like, I'm going to totally lose it. We. That's normal. We've had those.

Like he would be recording a video and just so frustrated because every time he would get like a really good take and things were going really smoothly, someone would scream. You know, there would be some epic fight going down.

Or like someone would escape because I would like we had a converted garage and I would try to keep the kids in there and like work on our school or whatever projects out there. And someone would like escape in the end of the house yelling, you know, like, open the door. Without changing their volume.

Right, right.

So we just, you know, we had to adjust. He ended up doing quite a bit of recording at night, which was not ideal, but it was so much less stressful for him and we would leave the house.

So that's the new challenge is like, we can't leave really.

Right.

We can't go anywhere. So like he had an all day zoom meeting on Friday and we were all exhausted at the end like, we just.

I was tired from telling the kids they couldn't scream. He was like, zoom. Zoned out from like eight hours straight of zoom, right?

Yeah, yeah, he was zoomed out.

Hey, so you're in some way used to being home all day with your kids, which is really great to be able to have a conversation with you, because for moms who work outside of the house and now they're inside the house all day, I think a lot of us are floundering, like, oh my gosh, how do I create a schedule? How do I have jobs and create like invitations into productivity without arguing?

And how do I make sure they're doing schoolwork and not just turning to their screens and all this stuff? And you're doing that. I'm just kind of wondering, like, what do you do when you need a break? I mean, do you go hide in the bathroom?

How.

How do you sort of give yourself a timeout?

I do hide in the bathroom sometimes. And this house has a master bathroom, so I can lock my bedroom door and then there's a door on the toilet room, so it's like double separation.

So I do do that sometimes, but I have to build into our day just times of quiet. And I do that in a couple different ways.

Like, some homeschool moms are super awesome type A people who like, have trained their children to make their beds and brush their teeth and their hair and get dressed in super cute clothing all before 7:00am and that is not who I am. I hate mornings. So my children watch TV in the morning and I don't feel bad about it.

I can't even do what you just said on like Christmas Eve, right? Make my kids do all those things.

I can't even do that by 11am no, me neither.

So I've had to accept that about myself because every schedule that I look at online, like, starts at 7am and I don't even like to get up at 7am I do have one child who's up at 6:30 most of the time. And so he picks a show and I give him a snack and I.

Go back to bed and.

And then I. I get up, I get up around 7.

But I take my time, like either having coffee alone, like I'll go out in the backyard and have my coffee, or go up into my room and lock the door or take a shower. I have a friend who takes her coffee in the shower. I haven't gotten to that level, but that's like a super mom. Pick me up, like, coffee, shower.

I haven't gone that far, but so I do that in the morning, and then again in the afternoon, they get screen time again. So they get like an hour, hour and a half in the morning, and then another hour around four. And I use that time to do whatever I want.

Like, whatever is going to bring me sanity.

How. When you say you build in quiet times, I mean, they hear that you kind of have some free time. When they have free time to do what you want to do.

What are the quiet kind of down times look like? I mean, do you have, like, you need to read or you need to. What does that look like for your family?

Yeah, so they kind of naturally. And I think part of this is because we've been living this way for three years.

They do kind of naturally just trail off on their own throughout the day. So, like, after lunch. Sometimes we have more schoolwork after lunch. But my little one plays alone for an hour or two.

Fine, as long as no one bothers him. If someone comes over and starts telling him what to do, he'll start screaming. But he really likes to play by himself.

My daughter loves audiobooks and reading, and so she will disappear and do that, you know, so they as. As long as, like, at least one of them has separated themselves, it's way quieter.

Like, two of them can kind of play together, usually without it being too crazy. And then, you know, I don't feel so crazy. I don't feel. Because with all of them all the time, especially the school morning, it's a lot.

So I think if moms are feeling that, like, it's a lot, I will validate you in that feeling. Because I have, like, one asking for a snack, one needs help with math that I'm trying to figure out myself.

One broke their pencil and is yelling about it. Oh, you know, all at once. And it's like that for like, three hours.

Right?

So by lunch, I'm like. Like, I kick them outside or. Or into their rooms or into the garage. Like, just so that I can make lunch in quiet.

Yeah, totally.

Because I get overwhelmed. And I've never been an angry person, but I am now. I get mad. I get angry. And so I have to really, like.

I don't think of you as an angry person.

I know, I know. Only my children bring it out of me.

Yeah, I think that's true of most of us. Right. Because how many times do we have to have the same conversation over and over again? I mean, that's how I feel.

And you're just, like, pushed to your limit. Like yeah, all like, constantly.

You know, your husband might push you to your limit over time or like maybe once a day, but with the children, it's like, constant. Like you reach your limit at 8:00am sometimes.

Well, I appreciate you validating all of our.

Okay, what are some of your go to activities that you're doing with your kids for fun, for moving their bodies, for being productive, for growing in their faith? I mean, I. I can relist all of those, but maybe let's just start with what are some. Some of your go to activities that you do with your kids for fun?

I know that there's people listening who have different ages of kids than yours, but I still think it's helpful just to hear creative things that other moms are doing.

Yeah. So mine are 4, almost 5, 7, and 10. I almost said 9. She's 10.

And for fun, like, one trick that I have is I just pull out like a puzzle or a toy that nobody's touched in a while. Like the night before or the morning of.

Especially right now when we're like, housebound or when someone's sick, you know, so you're home all day going nuts, and I just set them up. So I'll set it up on the living room floor or at the dining table, and then they play with them. It's like magic.

If you leave them in the children's pastor right there.

Yeah. If you leave them on the shelf or in the toy box, they just bother you and ask you what to do.

But if you set up some stations, they will play with the things that are out.

That's a life hack right there. Yeah, I'm taking notes.

It's a good life hack. So I've been doing that this week. Like, I remembered to do that. And like today they were playing with cardboard boxes and rolls of paper towels.

So I don't know, they like. They like weird things like that. So don't be afraid to just, like, put random kitchen utensils out and see what happens.

Right.

My kids love cardboard. Like, playing with cardboard, cutting it up, gluing it hot, gluing it. Popsicle sticks. Like, they could do that for hours. And what else? I don't know.

We do a lot of podcasts. Like, there weren't kids podcasts 10 years ago. That's kind of a new thing.

So my kids love wow in the world and brains on and I mean, there are a bunch, but. And then they're. It's science. Like, they're usually a science podcast, which is great. So then we can discuss it. Afterwards or like try something out.

You know, if they mentioned a. And they love audiobooks, they. They'll only sit and listen to me read for like so long.

Which is a challenge with homeschooling because we have like a lot of that to do. But they'll. They'll listen to an audiobook while they're playing. So that gets us like a quiet afternoon if we need it.

Yeah, that's awesome. What about for moving their bodies for exercise? What are some of your go to ideas for that?

So my kids, everybody loves Gonoodle. My kids just watch it so you can try that and see if it works for you.

My children, literally, I've been trying that method of exercise for way too long. My kids just see how it works.

They just sit down. They do not move. So other people's kids do whole dance routines with Gonoodle. So you can try that. Yeah, doesn't work for us. So they.

I let my kids do things like jump off of the couch cushions and run in circles through the house. You know, things that other parents probably don't, but it's because we're home all the time. Like they, they need to be able to move.

And like we just will take a soccer ball out in the driveway and they'll make up a game. Like they're super creative with making up games. And we'll scooter. The nice thing about homeschooling is like, you can take a scooter ride for P.E.

You don't have to. You don't have to play a proper game of volleyball, you know?

Right, right.

You can if you want to, but. And we live hiking. Like we're a regular Friday afternoon hiking type of a gang.

So that's probably my favorite thing to do with my kids, is just get out in nature and observe what we see. And just from that, we, we did like a small bird study when my daughter was seven.

And then every time we were outside, we were just looking at the birds and she now knows every single bird in North America just because she cared.

You are putting me to shame right now, Carla.

But that was her. That was all her.

That's awesome.

I mean, you know, I helped light a spark, but.

Yeah, that's awesome. What about chores? How. How do you invite your kids to be productive during the day? Because I found work in this crazy coronavirus quarantine.

And you know, the first few days I was putting out fires and dealing with stuff with collide and just trying to take care of the ministry and my kids. If I don't have an intentional plan for them. They don't necessarily choose to be the most productive citizen society.

And it feels like there's a magnet on their phone and their body is like pulled towards that magnet. And so I've had to kind of think about, okay, what does it look like to invite you into productivity?

Like doing something productive and being a part of this home and taking care of it and all of those things. I'm sure that you could run circles around me and how you've invited that kind of organization structure into your house. How are you doing?

Well, I don't know about that. I am the most type B person you'll ever meet and I'm a nine on the Enneagram. So peace is like my highest value. Productivity is like really low.

Like I do not value productivity and I hate goals. Goals actually like demotivate me.

Right.

So I feel offended by them personally, which is weird. But it's like how I'm wired. It's how God made me. I'd rather like encourage someone and spend time face to face and like be present that.

Anyway, that's slightly off topic, but all that to say, I struggled my first couple years in homeschooling because people put out all these schedules with times on them and I can't do that. Like I can't do the same thing at 8am every day. I will hate my life.

So we have more like rhythms is what we do where like, and that's what I would advise. Especially because your kids are used to home being their place of rest, not their place of work and productivity. Right?

Like they work and they're productive at school or maybe at work or maybe on their sports team. And like there's very little productivity happening at home. And so that obviously has blended for my kids.

Like they're doing work and they do their own work. They come up with their own weird things to work on.

But yeah, as far as chores, I would say and schoolwork, make like a checklist for your kids of like what must be done by X time or by the end of today and just have a family meeting. Maybe it's at breakfast, you know, or like 11am if your teenagers aren't awake at breakfast, where you say like, hey, here's what needs.

Like while we're all home together, we're all going to be taking care of the home together. And so like, here's kind of what I expect. I don't want you to have to spend your whole day working. But you know, things have shifted.

You were a Student like what, seven, eight hours a day before. So we're going to like shift some of that productivity to the home. And we, we just start by adding to things we already have to do.

Like you have to get up every day, you eat breakfast. So like we added math to breakfast time.

So like after breakfast my kids do their math and then from there they like, they usually aren't dressed so they will like go upstairs, get dressed. I wish I could say they also make their bed, but I haven't made that happen.

And they come back down and we'll kind of like flow into whatever's next on the school agenda.

And my daughter does, she's 10 and she does best knowing like, hey, you have to do two pages of geography today and your language arts typing dot com. And like if all of this is done then you get, you know, a computer game or whatever. We also use chocolate chips. I will say that proudly.

So like especially for my 7 year old, it just really helps him. Like a chocolate chip between each subject really goes a long way. And then we do cleanup at 4. So I do not worry about cleaning up until 4 o' clock.

And that's when they get a show. So they are really motivated. I don't have them.

I've always wished that I had them more involved with like emptying the dishwasher and laundry and stuff.

And we've gone through phases of that, but really they're responsible for their own rooms at bedtime and they're responsible for all the toys and messes they've made in the house before 4:00'.

Clock. Yeah. Which probably I think in some way lessens the parent anxiety.

I'm sure your anxiety is less because you know that when 4 o' clock comes, that's when everyone's going to get their stuff done versus walking around and being frustrated all day that a kid left this out and kid left this out.

And I mean, because I think in a huge way, even outside of being stuck in the home in this current phase that we're in, but having a home where kids feel like they can enjoy themselves and they don't have someone walking around constantly picking at them about what they need to pick up or clean or, you know, it seems helpful to have just a time that you check in and do that right every.

Day and just like having places where everything goes makes a big difference. Maybe someday I'll have like a fancy chore chart, but I haven't gotten that far.

Well, if you want a chore chart, collide, just made one and we're called moms and you can download it for free. Carla. I will.

We live in what some are calling the anxiety culture. We worry as friends, daughters, mothers and grandmothers. We're getting gray hairs because we're nervous Nellies.

We're taking chill pills because we're worried sick. For some of us, one second we can be doing okay and the next a Facebook post sends us into anxious fill.

As you engage scripture, read personal stories and and reflect on questions that invite you to new places, you will be challenged, encouraged and inspired by this study. We can't wait for you to dive in. So go to Wecollide.net store to get your copy of the Birds and the Lilies now.

Hey, in a time where kids in a lot of ways are being stripped of choice, I mean, adults are too, right? We can't do all the things we're used to being able to go out and do right now.

But kids have also that are used to going to school and having sports and having, you know, social experiences. My, my daughter does 20 hours of gymnastics a week. She can't go to her gym.

My son has a driver's license and he usually goes and hangs out with friends and he's in on the golf team right now. And that's all been kind of taken away. What's your best advice?

To continue to give kids this sense that they do have some control or that they do have some choice in their days, even though some of their control that they're used to or some of their choice has been removed.

I feel like my kids get a lot of choice just because we have time. I feel like that's a gift everyone's been given right now, you know, because you're not running around from thing to thing. Your schedule's not full.

We kind of have that as our life. I mean, isolation schooling, which is really what everybody's doing. That's not normal. Like it's not normal for us.

We usually have like last month we had ukulele and Spanish class for one kid, art class for two kids on two different days. And we had a nature group one day a week. We were nannying a toddler three days a week. So like we had a much fuller schedule too.

But yeah, I don't know. My kids have. It's one thing they do have, I.

Guess, but that takes Intentionality, like, even how I've decided to carry out chores in my house. They get a choose, right? I write a list and I'm like, you can choose from these and you have to do chores for an hour.

You choose which chores you'd like to do. So they feel like they have some sense of control.

Or one of the kind of rhythms that we're trying to live in is like thinking about loving our neighbor right now. What does it look like to bless people right now? Not just go so inner and think about ourselves.

And so we made a big list, but it's kind of this menu that they can choose from. Who do you want to bless today? How do you want to bless them? Like, I'm just trying to practice in my house anyways, continuing to kind of lay out.

Instead of saying, I need you to do this and this and this, which I do sometimes, but me kind of like controlling their whole day. I'm trying to lay out options for them so they feel like, man, they have some choice in what they want to do their day.

Yeah. So, yeah, so we do that. I mean, they get to. They can even choose to do math or language arts first. And the classes that they take are their choices.

You know, obviously that doesn't apply right now, but they get to choose how to spend their free time. You know, if they want to be. Spend it alone or if they want to spend it with a sibling or if they want to choose.

You know, I asked my daughter the other day, I was like, well, what's one thing you've really been waiting to do with me? Because, like, I have time now too, you know, like, is there something you really want to do with me?

Or helping them facilitate that with each other too? Like, is there something you've been wanting to play with one brother but the other brother keeps kind of interrupting?

Or, you know, just that, like quality time with each other. And yeah, they. I like the idea of choosing chores. I think that's fun.

Yeah. And even choosing. I mean, I've been letting my kids decide. Do you want. These are the things that need to be a part of your day. Help guide that.

Like, part of your day needs to be that you eat breakfast. Part you can decide what you want to eat of the options. Like, part of your day needs to be doing chores.

Part of your day needs to be doing homework or reading. But they can decide what order. But they can't in our house. They can't have free time until they've done sort of these rhythms.

Because we talk a Lot about, like, work hard, play hard.

Yeah.

Which might IND you for someone who hates schools.

No, we have. We have the. My phrase is you have to do your half twos before your get tos, so.

Oh, yeah, I like that. Your have to's before you get to.

Yeah, they're like. Like, we have to do math. You're a homeschooler. Like, sorry, we. There are some things that we have to do. We're part of a charter school even.

Like, we can't go full unschooler and just do what we want because we have requirements from the state of California just like everyone else.

Yeah. Well, I have a lollygagger in my house, and she'll take, you know, four hours to, like, organize her closet or something. And if I.

If she's motivated by.

She tried to talked me in yesterday to joining this online group with friends that were all going to connect at this certain time, and she wouldn't do her chores after. And I basically knew that meant she. She's never going to get those done.

And so I. I stood my ground and I said, nope, you have to get all of your work done before, like, you can hang out with friends or do whatever you want for free time. And so I've never seen her get her chores done so fast in my whole life. So. So that she.

She was like, instead of lollygagging, she was motivated to hang out with her friends, so she actually got stuff done.

But I still think by laying out the rhythms of what you want your kids to experience and when they have choice, that makes them feel a bit empowered, which feels helpful.

Yeah. And I. I love, like, I think the great thing about having your kids home right now is the home part.

Like, everybody needs to feel secure right now and in their, like, place of safety, you know, which isn't true for everyone. So that's a caveat. Like, home isn't a safe place for everyone. Everyone, but for our families, you know, hopefully that's true. And I.

My, like, homeschool mentor. She doesn't know it, but it's Julie Bogart.

She.

She has a podcast that I think anyone who has kids at home right now should go listen to a few episodes of. But she talks a lot about the gift of home and how home is never going to be a school. It just won't.

There are properties that a school has, like, bells and a principal and, you know, teachers that, like, home is never going to have. And so we can't really try to replicate school at home, but you can learn at home. And like, how do you want that to look?

And like one of her phrases is that brownies make everything better. So like if your kid really hates math, just have that be when they get a brownie each day. Or like for little ones, lighting a candle is like magical.

So like we have poetry tea time in our house, which she, this is her thing too.

And I would never expect my kids to like poems or tea, but they like, if they see me setting the table and lighting a candle, my 7 year old son who loves like destroying things for fun will come up and be like, oh, is it tea time? Like he loved it because it's something that we made special. Like she talks about enchanting things.

So I think even with chores too, like you can put on fun music or wear weird costumes or I don't know, you know, you can make it a team effort and make it fun and make it home. You know, it's your family, like what makes your family special? Is it being silly? Is it being loving, Is it being flexible? Or is it being orderly?

Like you can embrace those qualities of your home life right now and see how learning and the chores and everything else you need to fit in fits into your family culture. Like it doesn't have to look a certain way.

So like for us, you know, we may have a list of things we're going to do for the day or like a flow, you know, I've seen a few that have, you know, like breakfast and then some schoolwork and then snack and then outside time and lunch and like we basically follow a really similar rhythm.

But I would never put half hour increments on that because for me that would add so much stress that I would be clenching my jaw like halfway through the day. But other people need that.

Like if you're a more structured personality, you're going to need to know and the, and a kid may need to know like what's coming next in the day and how long do I have on this part of the day.

So you just kind of have to feel out, you know, like maybe your unmotivated kid needs a motivator, you know, like you have these things you get to do, but only if you do these other things first, you know, and that's just kind of the expectation. My son told me the other day, he goes, I was like, well, it's time to do math. And he was like, I'm not doing it unless I get something for it.

And I was like, well, what you get is to play when you're done but like, if you don't, you don't get those things, you know, like if you don't do the math and the, the other things. And like we're still adjusting too. We just moved. Right. So we had like a three week break where we weren't really doing schoolwork.

So we're trying to get back on track as well. And they there, you know, there's been some pushback, some grumpiness for sure.

Well, and again, that's completely normal, right? That's part of navigating being a parent. I love the invitation that you're giving us and laying out though that home is a gift.

And you know, I think a lot of people are responding to being stuck at home as almost like the opposite. It's the anti. Home isn't a gift, this is a curse. We all have to stay home.

And I love that you're kind of inviting us to not only recognize that it is a gift, but how do we make it feel like such to our kids and we can really be really empowered as parents to think about how do we want our home to feel like a gift to our children and what do they need to, to feel that way and how can we make that happen. And that's why I love this conversation, because all of your ideas are so great. And I also love that you invite us not to compare.

We don't have to be like anyone else. We just have to recognize what our family needs and create the kind of home that, that we want to create, which is so great.

I have loved watching you create ways for kids to come to know God in truly authentic ways over the years. And you have done that for so many children. You even did it for mine when they were little.

I'm just wondering what are some of the favorite things you've done with kids to engage their faith and invite them to know Jesus?

Yeah, I, I think first is to treat them like whole people.

That might not sound like an answer to your question, but I think a lot of kids programs and I don't, I feel like it's especially too true in Sunday school. But also like preschool can be this way where you talk to kids and like super animated voices and treat them like kids like they're little.

And I think kids really respond well to being respected and talk to like a whole person, like a human being. And I always tried to take that approach, like when handling faith matters or like relationship with God.

I talked to them like they knew who he was, you know, like they already knew him and they were Already his people, and he made them.

And so, you know, we did things like silent time, like listening to God, which I thought could be a disaster, but laying it out as like an invitation again to them. Like, I would have them spread out through the room and they could lie down or sit under the table or something, like whatever made them feel alone.

And we would play like a couple of quiet listening songs and then just have. I would challenge them to like be totally silent for a minute. And they did it like they loved it.

And they would even say really wonderful things afterwards, you know, of like how they felt or if they felt like God was speaking to their heart. And I don't know. So just inviting them in. I think kids really want to be a part of the adult world more than we think.

So inviting them to be a whole member of the family of God, not like a junior member or a one day. Like, they're not. A lot of people say, like, they're the church of tomorrow, but that totally discounts, like, who they are right now.

They're the church of today.

Yeah.

I love that you're bringing this up because one of the things. And I'm actually gonna. I've written about it. I'm gonna teach a class about it next year at Clyde.

But one of the things that has struck me since becoming a mom, and I guess I've been one for 17 years, is that I've learned. I. I've learned so much about God from my kids.

And I think it's so interesting because I was pretty intimidated to become a mom and realize I didn't grow up in a Christian home. And how do I invite my kids into know God and how do I talk to them about matters of faith and all those things? And it felt like the.

The parent has to do all the teaching. We have to tell them this is who God is, this is what God's like.

And I have found that my kids have taught me more about God than I think I've taught my kids about Him. And. And it always takes me back to Jesus when kind of his disciples were even naysayers, kind of like children were in the way.

And you talk about treating them like whole people, like the church of today, like they can be disciples, they can be as learners and as followers. And Jesus. Jesus was ticked and was like, no, let the little children come to me. And they gathered around him.

And I often find when I'm around children, I'm actually coming to God. And that's opposite. That's the exact opposite of everything.

I feel like we've been told to be, as parents, we're supposed to just tell them everything they need to know, right?

I mean, we kick kids out of church services and Bible studies and gatherings, too, because they're distracting, right?

Like, we think they're gonna keep us from focusing on God or hearing him, you know, but when kids are in the worship service, they laugh at all the right moments, and they dance harder than anyone else. You know, like, they really get into it, and they're present, you know, they can't be anything but in the moment. And even that is a lesson in itself.

And if we want kids.

I think if we want kids to have an authenticity faith, if we want them, if we want Jesus to matter to them, they have to not only, like, know that he matters to us, they have to see that played out. Like, they have to see you praying or questioning something or grappling with a scripture. They. They need to walk that out with us.

Instead of us trying to, like, go to God in our separate, quiet time that they're not distracting, and then we somehow try to, like, impart that wisdom onto them, you know, like, put it on them.

I think, you know, that is a burden to our kids more than a help, you know, if we're trying to educate them, you know, from top down, I. I feel like that applies to me. I've. That's kind of a method I've taken with homeschooling, too. Like, the times have loved the most, have been learning something with my kids.

Like, when we're out in nature and we all make a discovery together, it's so much richer than if I'm trying to, like, read them and teach them someone else's lesson that they wrote in a book. You know, none of us remember that as well as the moment where we saw an osprey for the first time. Like, we all remember that moment.

And so I. I feel like the same would be true for. For your. Your relationship with God and what your spiritual life looks like.

Like, the more moments like that that you're having together, whether it's, you know, praying before a big game or worshiping in the mornings or again, however, you can add it naturally and authentically into your family life and your own family rhythm. So, like, for some people, it might be like you have a hymn that you're learning together at breakfast, which is beautiful.

My children would probably make that comical. But what can you add to your rhythm that feels natural and. And is gonna be a way that you work out your faith together?

So Whether it's something you add to bedtime or something you add to the car ride to school or something you add at lunch if everybody's home. I think anything that you experience together is going to be cemented so much deeper than something they. Yeah. That they just hear from you.

Right.

Tell, tell us if you can, what are some of those moments you've had with your kids where you together discovered something about God or had an experience with God?

I think some of my favorites have been where I've put in like a little more effort. So we've done a couple different Advent studies as a family that have been just really special even when they were really, really little.

Like we did the Jesse Tree or using the Jesus Storybook Bible up to Christmas. And just like the.

Which is so awesome by the way. Everyone. Yeah, we'll try to put podcasts and the Jesus Storybook in the show notes because it's, it's amazing. I, I read it as an adult. Yeah.

And they have a devotional too called Thoughts to Make youe Heart Single. So you could pick that up as like something to do in the morning or before bed with your kids. And Bob Goff has loved us for kids now. So cool.

That's pretty cool. There are tons of resources like there's Kids Read Truth. Louie Giglio has one called Indescribable.

There's a new city catechism where you actually learn the truth of the faith, like just by memorizing the catechism. So there are tons of ways that you can.

Yeah, we, we did last year we did the biggest story leading up to Easter and I might bust that out again this year because they, they just love hearing like the larger than life stories, you know, of who Jesus was on earth and what that looked like. But those have been some, some of the most meaningful times for me. Like just.

Yeah.

Putting in a little more thought to doing something rhythmically and regularly.

You were a children's pastor for years. What are some of the things you highly recommend us not doing when talking to our kids about God?

Using guilt as a motivator is pretty high. You know those phrases like what if, what if God saw you doing that? Or is that the type of thing a Christian kid should be doing?

Like those shaming and guilt inducing phrases. I really think those are coming from a place of wanting to control.

I really don't think that's God's heart or idea in the whole plan and process in our kids lives. Yeah, I wouldn't recommend that. Yeah, I'm actually Not huge either. On. And this, I don't know, this is my view, not willows.

I guess I'll say, like, in case I offend someone. I'm not really into like praying the prayer, the one time salvation thing either. I feel like that.

I feel like kids come to faith on a journey and like salvation happens bit by bit over time. And they. That was true for me.

I prayed that prayer, but I also then like panicked about it in middle school and thought I probably wasn't saved and prayed it every night for a while. So I feel like that transactional peace of faith is not, it's not authentic.

Like God doesn't really work with us in transactions, you know, like, and we're not on the system anymore where you make a sacrifice and you're forgiven. Like, we don't have the temple. It's not, that's not how it works. Like, the grace is unending.

And so I really have tried more to like trust the process and again, like, treat them like you were born into God's family. And like, yes, you have to agree obviously to that and believe and want to follow this way that we're trying to live in.

But I really don't think it happens necessarily for everyone at one moment in time. So I didn't pressure kids to pray a prayer. It wasn't really something I was after.

Yeah, it's interesting. Aiden had a crazy experience at a, at a like Sunday school summer VBS camp where at the end of the week, it was like the whole week built up to this.

I think he was like five or six. He came home the night before the last night and he was in tears and so upset and we had dinner guests and I didn't know why I was upset.

I ran upstairs and checked on him and he was so upset because they said that if you prayed the, this prayer, this one prayer to receive Jesus into your heart, then you got a Bible and you got a pencil and an eraser. And he was so upset because he had already received God. There was an experience that he had with me when he was like three, three.

And he asked me where God was. And we were driving in the car and. And I said, well, do you see, you know, the clouds in the sky? God. God is there. And do you see those flowers?

God's there. And you see that person? God made that person. There's nowhere you can go that God is not. God is everywhere.

We had this conversation when he's really young, right. And we're, we were driving on our way to an Ice cream shop and where you can like make your own ice cream, stone cold ice cream or whatever.

You know, you mix all the top. And I said the cool thing is, is God says that if you want him to, he'll move inside of you and make his home in you and he'll even live inside you.

And you know, and he was like, even with the gummy bears. And I was like, even with the gummy bears. Gummy bears in his ice cream. And you know, we just kind of dropped it.

I mean the kid was three or whatever, right? We went to stone cold and he got his gummy bear ice cream and all of that.

And later on I was tucking him into bed at night and he asked if God could move in with the gummy bears. And I did pray a prayer with him that God would make his home in Aiden. And you know, I kind of followed Aiden's deed in his journey.

Is that me?

That was me. That was weird, Jesse.

And so I did pray this prayer with Aiden and invite God to come and make his home in Aiden and then fast forward, forward to this moment in time at this vbs and basically he wasn't going to get the toy and the Bible because he wouldn't say the prayer. And it was this really interesting, deeply spiritual conversation for like a five or six year old where I just said, you need God every day.

We, mom and dad have to ask God to be with us every day. Not just one, one time prayer. But it made me realize that in our faith we make such a big deal about this one prayer.

But how does that not bring value to the room full of kids who feel like they know God or invite them to inauthentically praying a prayer to get a, a eraser and a pencil. And I was like, God is so much more than an eraser and a pencil. He's so much cooler, so much greater, so much mightier and awesome.

I'm so proud of you for not faking a prayer to get a toy.

You know, I, you know, I, I have prayed that prayer with my son, but at the same time that doesn't mean that he's not going to have to pray for God to save him every five minutes. I have to pray for that, you know.

Yeah, I think just that example is the problem I have with it basically making kids feel, you know, that they're only valued in the family of God or in your ministry or wherever it is if they've done this certain, you know, like the golden ticket, basically, you know, like I have my golden Ticket. I have a pass because it doesn't exempt you from being a jerk. Or like you said, like, we all need Jesus every day. We.

We're going to continually be leaning on him. And I'm not. I've absolutely have no problem with you leading someone to Jesus and praying that prayer with them.

But, yeah, it just wasn't like a huge focus. I wasn't trying. I didn't have a tally going of how many kids.

Right.

You know, I know you and I could talk about being moms and, and our kids all day long, but I, I'm going to end with this question because I feel like I'm, I'm feeling it in my own house. I'm seeing in so many of my friends. I'm hearing it online. What do you think it looks like and what's your best advice to parents right now?

To ground and center their kids in faith rather than fear during this time where there's kind of panic and fear and stress and worry and even hysteria going on all around us?

Yeah, I think, you know, just, again, I would come back to being authentic. I, like, that's kind of my go to. I am not super big on fear, like, in how I raise my kids. I don't have a lot of fears.

I mean, I fear them dying, obviously, like drowning. Those are big ones.

The.

But yeah, I would say, like, have faith and find ways to have faith together. So you, like, you gave some great examples of even just loving your neighbor. Like, how can you practically take the focus off yourself in this time?

And like, there are other practical things you could do, like having a gratitude list or a daily prayer, praying for others.

But I, maybe, I don't know, I, I would encourage us all just to, like, yeah, lean into what we have in our families, in our homes, in our own faith, and the things that we have to be grateful for.

You know, it's really unnerving for kids to have their whole world turned upside down and their schedules gone and their schools and their sports and their friends. But I think that what we can ground them in and what we can give them is the anchors we already have in our family life.

You know, whether that's affirmations that you say in the morning or a prayer or a meditation time that you have daily. Like, some, some families are doing these things already. And my encouragement would be like, that you are anchoring them.

Like you are grounding them just by having them in your home and continuing to carry out those things.

So, like, don't stop doing the things that you would normally do so if you normally pray at night or you normally have a verse at breakfast, like, keep doing those things. But if you want to add one, add one. You know, add. Have your kids help you, like they got time.

Have them help you look up some verses on faith being stronger than fear. Or obviously you have a study coming out too.

But I, I would argue that like, we are more of an anchor for them already and more of a grounding than we even realize. And God is too, like, God is bigger than anything that we could fear. Right. We know that in our heads.

But like, really, really grabbing on to that can sometimes be another matter.

I suppose. So true. Modeling it, not just, not just stating it as a belief, but actually modeling it in the way that we're handling all of this.

Change is important.

Yeah. Even just showing them, like how you're.

You're taking a daily prayer time, like something that you're meditating on or just getting outside, you know, making creation being a grounding place as well.

Well, Carla, thank you so much for hanging out with me in the middle of the quarantine. Social distancing from Washington to California has been fun and I just appreciate you.

I appreciate the way that you think and the way that you're so thoughtful about children and what, what they need, what they, what works with them and how to invite them to know Jesus in a way that's long lasting. I just love that so much about you and I appreciate you taking the time to hang out with me today.

Well, thank you again for having me. It was, it was fun just to hear your voice and chat again as well. It's always a good.

Yeah, people find you. Are you. Do you have social handles you want to share?

I am on Instagram. I am Carla Renee. So C A R L A R E N A E And I would love to connect that way.

And you can hit my DMS if you have, like, if anybody has questions about specific resources, I would be happy to help in that way or even hop on the phone. I mean, we got time. So. Yeah, feel free, Feel free to hit me up.

And if you'd like, like if anyone would like some personal coaching time, I'm thinking about making that available. So that would be. I'll post about it if I do.

Okay. That's awesome. Thank you so much. And for those of you guys listening, we are with you. We are in it with you. We get it.

It's hard and it's demanding and requiring a lot of us, but man, I just love the challenge that Carla laid out for us today. Home is a gift and we get to make it be so. So this week, let that sink in and motivate you as you continue to be intentional with your kids.

We'll catch you next time week.

Thanks for tuning in to keep up with us.

You can find us on Instagram at We Collide on Facebook as Collide Women and you can also visit our website at wecollide.net to find our blog, resources, event information, and more. One last thing, if you enjoyed this episode, would you take a few seconds and leave us a review?

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Sam.