In this episode of Now That I’m Engaged, How Do I Get Married?, Kevin Dennis and August Yocher sit down with seasoned wedding planner Tabitha Roberts of Roberts & Co. Events for an honest and insightful conversation about tradition versus trend and how couples can navigate the emotional landmines that come with both.

With over 16 years in the wedding industry, Tabitha has seen it all — from the rise of Pinterest to the shift away from rigid etiquette rules — and she shares what’s changed, what still matters, and where couples often feel the most pressure. From social media comparisons to parental expectations (especially when parents are footing the bill), this episode dives into how to balance honoring tradition while still planning a wedding that feels authentic and true to you.

They talk about how weddings involve multiple stakeholders with layered expectations, why communication and boundaries with family are essential, and how certain traditions — like cake cutting, parent dances, and formal invitations — can be adapted rather than eliminated. Tabitha also shares how outdated etiquette continues to cause confusion, and why hospitality, guest experience, and thoughtful planning will never go out of style.

If you’re feeling torn between what you see online, what your family expects, and what you actually want, this episode offers clarity, reassurance, and practical advice for planning your wedding your way — without unnecessary stress or guilt.

With over 16 years of event planning experience, Tabitha has grown Roberts & Co into a company that thrives in creating and experiencing hospitality in its highest form. Working to always be transparent and upfront with her clients, their company is built on making planning less work and more enjoyable for everyone!

Highlights

• How to balance tradition and modern wedding trends

• Navigating parental expectations — especially when they’re contributing financially

• Why social media can create unrealistic wedding comparisons

• Which etiquette rules still matter (and which are evolving)

• How to communicate boundaries without damaging relationships

• Why embracing trends that reflect your personality is perfectly okay

Connect with Tabitha:

Website

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LinkedIn

Connect with Kevin & August:

Website

Instagram

Youtube

TikTok

Pinterest

LinkedIn

All right, folks, welcome to another episode of Now That I'm Engaged, How Do I Get Married? And today we are with Tabitha Roberts, event planner from Roberts & Co. Events. So Tabitha, welcome.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.

We're excited to have you. So tell us a little bit about yourself and how we got you here today.

Absolutely. I am a veteran of the wedding industry. I've been planning weddings and events and social and corporate for the last 16 years, even though I look like I'm 23. I a wonderful team of a couple of associates that work out of the DC market. And we do a lot of destination and kind of local to our area and that kind of luxury mid-market. It's just been a really fun run thus far.

I love it. All right. And so today we're talking about a fun topic, tradition versus trend, which is I think it's going to be because I really personally feel weddings becoming very non-traditional. ⁓ So we're going to dive into that today, but we're going to be touching on how to navigate the emotional landmines of traditions against trends and social media driven wedding life. So as we jump into this.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

You know, you've been planning weddings for over 16 years. When couples come to you feeling torn between tradition and what they see online, what usually is at the root of this tension?

I mean, I think there's a lot of things that come with it. I think a lot of it is the expectations that come with the layers of weddings, right? Because weddings are not ⁓ as simple as person A is getting married, person A is paying for wedding, person A gets to make decisions. There are people that are contributing financially. There are people that have had expectations the couple's whole life about what's going to happen. The couple has expectations. And then really...

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

a lot of our couples are going to weddings. I think their parents are not necessarily as invested into the wedding community because that stage of their life has kind of moved through. And so they are rooted back in what they're used to seeing maybe from decades prior or the limited resources they have. So there's this push-pull that can exist between what the couple might want, what traditions they wanna uphold and what family things that the parents might want.

And how do we bring all of that together to find whatever this new dichotomy of the wedding landscape looks like?

Yeah, it's definitely tough, and I feel it's like this constant comparison as well. Like, especially like you're saying, like, couples are going to their friends' too. They're seeing what's happening there. They're thinking, like, do I need to do this? Do I not need to do this? When I used to work at a venue, I had a couple that went to a wedding at that venue that was about to be my couple for their own wedding, and they saw they had a french fry bar, and they were like...

my god, we want that, but is that weird if we copy our friends? And I was like, no, absolutely not. Like, if that's what you want, like, totally do it. But I also understand, like, tradition just... and parents and family, like, there's so many variables to consider.

love you all.

I mean, I think that there's lots of people involved in it, but there's also different dynamics of couples too. So in the same vein, we have, I would say we have an office in Richmond and our Richmond couples tend to be more traditional in nature. They ⁓ want to do exactly what their friends have done, because it is steeped in that tradition or culture or expectation versus in DC or more populous markets or cities.

Mm-hmm.

they are more trend moving. They want to be ahead of the curve. They don't want to copy their friends. They don't want to do exactly the same thing. They need to reinvent themselves while still trying to stay true to their love story. So there is a push pull that exists there because, know, then what happens when you have a Richmond couple that comes to DC, like how do those two things come together? There's no right or wrong answer. I think it's trying to figure out how to be comfortable and navigating what it is that you want to do for your wedding.

Boom.

⁓ And just like living in that truth and not second guessing yourself is what creates like a less stressful situation.

That's one thing I always like, you're saying that right or wrong answer. always a big boy. I like to say that to them and also there's no rules, know, like we do. Yeah, zero rules at this wedding, you know, so let's do what you guys want to do. So I think that's where, you know, they got, they got to fight through the, the traditions that are holding them back from doing what they really want to do sometimes. So, all right. So social media has completely changed how couples experience the wedding planning process, as you know.

Mm.

So how do you see Instagram and Pinterest shaping expectations for better and for worse?

I think that social media is like a pinhole of the experience. It's like looking through the peephole of a door, trying to figure out what the rest of it is on the other side of the door. You're only getting a small glimpse of what happened. And so I think when people look at it through that lens, they then say, well, I want to have that, but that doesn't mean that they necessarily bucked all the rest of tradition. so.

Mm-hmm.

it's really being true to what it is that you decide you want as a couple and then maybe taking some inspiration off of social media. If you saw like a really great Instagram reel of someone's moment at their wedding, that was just a tiny glimpse at what the whole entire day looked like. And I think taking it with that kind of grain of salt mentality is really helpful in planning because otherwise you're planning somebody else's wedding for your own. And instead of just cherry picking the stuff that you like through social media.

⁓ I also think that as a wedding professional, we see nothing but social media filled with weddings. And so we see the trends happening over and over and over again. And then therefore we might not want to repeat it or we might not want to do it again, especially as a planner. So I have to kind of step back and say, did you see this at other weddings or have you only seen this on social media? And where is it okay to duplicate, copy, create? And how does it make sense to your story? Like you were just talking about it. If you want to fry bar your wedding, cause your friend had it.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

That's awesome. But how do we spin this to be yours and not just duplicate it because you saw it it was cool. Like make it make sense to you, I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah, we do a lot of drapery installations and whatnot. And so we've been seeing a lot of the same photo from Pinterest over and over again. it's just like, we should make it a drinking game every time a couple emails us that photo because it's like, oh, here we go again. That's what it's going to be for 2026 is this crazy drapery in the ceiling.

my gosh.

It's the trickle down effect because I think like my clients for next year or end of next year have some of those same images, like those moody tones and the swaging drape and the dripping candles. And that's cool. I did that this year and it's kind of pulling downward into next year.

Mm-hmm.

⁓ But I tell my clients when it comes to social media and Pinterest, like your design process is an evolution or your trend or the thing it is that you want to see. So maybe we revisit it in six months. You loved it right now because it's all you're seeing. But in six months, do you still love it? Do you still feel like it's you? Are you still excited about it? And then the answer is yes, like we continue to move through it. ⁓ Sometimes getting other forces involved like parents to understand the trends or the things that people are doing over tradition.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

That's a little bit harder and more nuanced. takes a little bit more chipping away at the ice block to get it there. But I don't think anybody should make decisions for their wedding 12 months ahead of time. You should revisit things periodically. Don't beat a horse to death. Like don't come back to it every three weeks, but come back to it in six months or come back to it a couple months before your wedding. Revisit your design deck, revisit your plans for drapery, revisit your, even your song choices. Like your tastes will change over 12 months.

Yeah.

⁓ And then step away from it as you get closer and be confident that you made choices that you really

That's funny you said step away from it because I always tell couples I'm like you need to put on blinders and stop looking at Pinterest because you're one you're costing yourself more money you know and you and we're we totally changed the whole design of the wedding by the time it's all said and

Oh, absolutely. And I think that for our timeline, the guidelines I give for that are if we do your design deck 12 to nine months in advance, then when we do your mock up six months before, let's touch it again and talk about it. I don't need you living in social media and I don't need you living in Pinterest. And then when we do your walkthrough, let's do one more touch on it to say, is this still where we're at? We still like this color. We still like this tone. We're not remaking the wheel, but we are visiting it because there are places where everybody has blinders and they cannot see

Yeah.

Yeah.

They may need to like put them on and not go back to Pinterest or not touch it again. And then there are some places where you go, let's really make sure this is the thing that you want to encapsulate your whole wedding around. And then it's great. You feel confident in it. Your team feels confident in it. And you get excited to show it to somebody else.

Yeah, I'm sure that's true with every aspect of the wedding from like catering to, you know, flowers to everything. It's just like, once we're there, we're there. Let's let's let's we're moving forward with it.

Yeah, and Instagram and Pinterest, I know it's like you see only the best of the best and it doesn't come with the price tag. So I know sometimes it can be very overwhelming. ⁓ But what are some wedding traditions you feel that couples are pressured to include even when they might not resonate with them? Because I think that happens, like especially with these trends.

So.

absolutely. ⁓ I mean, there's a list. So starting with like people, okay. So, you know, everybody has an expectation. So we tell our clients traditions that go with your family, sit down and have a conversation with your family about what is the expectation of what they think your wedding is supposed to be and just go ahead and get it out of the way and set some boundaries for that. And say, I'm open to hearing what you have to say, but the traditions around that are, your siblings, are your parents expecting your siblings to be in your wedding party? And do you want them in your wedding party down to

Mmm.

Hmm.

⁓ you know, how big of a wedding are you going to have versus small and are your parents friends invited versus not and who's paying and who's not. Those traditions can create an immediate stress level for couples that can be mitigated with just having communication as well as the biggest one I think we see are things like the old school traditions, first dance, parent dances, speeches, toasts.

cake cutting for public show versus stopping the party versus not. These are all conversations that drive around the expectations or traditions that have been passed down from generations. Some couples are like, well, that's a non-starter. Of course, I'm have a first dance and of course I'm gonna dance with my parents. And some couples now don't want.

Mm-hmm.

ironically to be the center of attention on their wedding day. They want to be immersed in their wedding day, but they do not want to be standing up there doing a performative act if it doesn't feel authentic to their relationship or the person that's with them in that space or even so much as like speaking. They don't want that spotlight on them. They just want to be a part of the merriment. And so that's where we say like, it's okay to have boundaries, but again, you need to communicate those boundaries to your family and make sure that they are

understood, understand there might be a fallout from it. And again, are you comfortable with what that looks like? Because like you said, there are no right or wrong answers to these things, but there are real feelings involved. There are real thoughts. Like I'm the mother of two sons. If my son said to me, I mean, my, they're 10 and 14. He said to me now, like, mom, mom, you're not going to get to have a mother son dance. I'd kill them. like,

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Hahaha!

But still, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Valid. Yeah.

break my heart, but also, know, future me might understand that relationship differently if I know my son, my youngest doesn't want to be the center of attention. I would understand where it comes from. ⁓ But some parents can't see through that and don't understand that relationship. We had a young lady that got married last year. It made it very clear her dad was not walking her down the aisle. And her dad had had that vision in his mind his whole life. They had a very contentious.

Mm.

Hmm.

strained relationship and she set a boundary and she hugged that boundary for her life for nine months and we really respected her for it. I empathized with the parents. It was very uncomfortable for them. He was very uncomfortable the day of the wedding because he knew how it made their relationship look but she knew what she needed for her peace of mind as she started this next chapter of marrying this man she was starting a family with and but she was very clear. She explained it to him.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

She stuck to it, she re-emphasized it, there was no wiggling around it. And he, for the same respectful space, honored it and didn't push. So what happens after that when we're out of the wedding is none of my business. ⁓ But it is a space where I said, good for you because this is the symbolism of starting your new family. So, you know, it's uncomfortable.

No, yeah, I was going to say, ⁓

Yeah.

Yeah.

to be in those positions, but if it is not something that feels good in your core, I'm a big believer in being an advocate for that, so long as you're able to deal with the emotional fallout that comes with it.

you get a 100 % respect that she made a decision and she stuck with it. However it made whoever feel, this is what she wanted to feel like on her wedding day. good for her. yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think generationally it's just different. you know, our parents

don't want to deal with their feelings. We want to talk about our feelings, like how the two come together.

1000%.

Yeah,

yeah. So on the flip side of everything, so are there any traditions you still think matter more than couples realize?

I think the etiquette standards of food, drink, hospitality and providing for, I do believe that most couples do understand that, but I think that it needs to be reinforced more. So, you know, you are hosting an event and it is your event, but you still need to provide for them. So the old adage of no cash bars at a wedding very much applies, like, and it's something that still exists, which I don't want anybody to feel like they don't.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They have to calm and they're not taken care of. And that is a tradition that I think doesn't need to go away. You know, if you're having an event during a meal time, you need to provide a meal for everybody. And the new 2026 version of that is you need to accommodate for dietary restrictions because you want to take care of your guests. Those are the traditions that I think are hopefully never going to lose time. And then I think unpopular opinion is going to be stationary. I am a diehard paper stationary girl.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I think the gift and the art of stationery should still exist. Etiquette should still exist. And if you want to do online RSVP cards, I'm not going to, I'm not going to fight and die on that Hill, but I do think having a way to communicate with your guests in a formal setting when you're asking them to spend a ton of money to come to your wedding and be a part of your day is the necessary tradition that should be upheld. I know that things like paperless posts and online resources kind of have changed that landscape a little bit, but you know,

Yeah.

If you're providing for them and you're having this magical day, like send me an invite. Do the work and do the legwork on what that looks like.

There's still something nice, like getting that in the mail. even like when someone writes you a thank you note, like they could send you a little thank you text, when you get physically someone took the time to write a thank you note and sent it to me, I mean, that means so much.

I love a thank you note.

of mail.

100%. I mean, and I think it's funny because our couples often are like, well, nobody wants mail. I'm like, I want mail. There's never a time where you got a piece of mail that's not a bill where you've been like, I wish I didn't get this nice card. Like it says something. And those are the two that I think don't need to stick. I am a big lover of having, still doing the cake cutting. I think that's fun, but I don't think it needs to be the big fanfare. I think a lot of people don't realize cake cutting is the symbolization of

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Emily.

Yep, you're good.

Symbolization of work? I don't know how far back I can go. So I do think that the one tradition that still should stay on the board, maybe it's morphed a little bit is cake cutting. A lot of people don't realize the symbolic act of cutting your cake. What we tell our clients is that this is the first chance you guys have to communicate as husband and wife and how you communicate in this moment in this task that seems easy, but is not.

Yeah, it is now.

⁓ really dictates what communication could look like for the rest of your marriage. And in that little tiny moment, even if it's out of the way, it's not fanfare, it's in the corner, it still gives you that space to have that moment. ⁓ And I think it's a takeaway. I miss the days when people saved the top tier of their cake and you had all of that to go back to, but the tradition of that act together, your first act as husband and wife, supposedly. ⁓

Yeah.

I love that tradition and I want it to stay around just in this kind of new Gen Z form.

Here on the west coast we've couples are doing silent cake cuttings and so they'll go over and the dancing's still happening and they go cut the cake and usually it's an elder, you know, like Grandparent an older aunt or uncle that are yelling at the dj and like hey You didn't announce the cake. They're cutting the cake and they get them all round up. But Yeah, no, and that's and a lot of couples don't like the attention on them. So that's another reason why they do it as well. So

Mm-hmm.

You don't need to break the dancing.

No, for sure.

It's

a lot and you don't want to like, had a DJ yell at me a couple of years ago, my favorite DJ in town, stop me. If you break my dancing line one more time for cake cutting. And I was like, it's not me. So then we started having the dialogue with couples to say, do you want a discrete cake cutting? And they're like, yes, we don't want to stop the party. don't want fanfare, but can you get our parents? Can you get our grandparents? And then we serve those VIPs first. So like it's still.

Yeah

Yeah.

a special moment that can exist ⁓ because our older generations were waiting for the cake cutting to happen so can leave. So it still needs to exist. It's just how do we pivot to make tradition a little more trendy.

Yup.

They need their coffee and their cake.

Coffee and cake, that's all I need at the end of a day.

Yeah. Well, and one

more thing on cake cutting too, is we recently had a baker on the podcast and she said something that I just thought was so cool too and I didn't even realize it. She says it's one of the only sense memories of the day. It's like you're eating the cake, you're remembering the flavor and you're connecting it with that memory. And I was like, wow, that's really special too. Something I wouldn't even think of. But, ⁓

I it.

Okay, so I know you brought this up right at the beginning of the episode and I know we're eventually gonna have to dive into it, but one of the biggest stressors for engaged couples is navigating the parental expectations. So, especially when parents are contributing financially. So, how, I know that's a big one, but how do you recommend couples start having those difficult conversations?

I mean, I don't think there's ever an easy way to rip a financial bandaid off, but I do tell them just start having it. And it is uncomfortable. And we coach our couples and say like that generationally finances, politics and emotions are not something that your parents want to touch. But if you're direct about it and you try to lay out some guidelines and some things that you want, it will kind of open the doors a little bit easier. But trying to say, hey, let's be realistic.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not asking you for the moon. What is it that you are comfortable contributing? Do you have an expectation that you would be contributing? I have felt A, B, and C. And then you cautiously tow that because one of the first thing that's gonna happen after a couple of gets engaged is where families know this conversation is happening. And in that way, they can establish with parents, what is the give and take going to exist there? And then the next question is,

Mm-hmm.

if it's a specific allotment of money or an open-ended fund, what is it allocated towards? And we give them the old etiquette guidelines of like what a groom's family pays for and what a bride's family pays for if it's that traditional dynamic, which doesn't exist for everybody. But in the sense of, I think I need to take that out because brides and grooms is like an arcade way.

Hmm.

Yeah, yeah,

yeah, that's okay.

yeah, no, you can go back. Yeah, I'll take it out. Yeah.

We just say couples.

Sorry. Yeah,

that was going to say is because like that is the hierarchy of like what each side, but then I was like, well, it doesn't apply to couples.

Which you could say, you could say it again, like, because we're talking traditionally, like, sometimes we'll tell our couples, like, bride does this, groom does this, but that doesn't apply to everybody.

Yeah,

it's divided up a little differently. All right, let me back it. I'll let you figure out how to splice that back in. I don't remember where it was. We talked to our couples in the beginning about, you know, what are the dynamics of where the money's coming from and who's traditionally paying for what and what are those expectations that we would normally see, but let them work it out amongst their family. And then say, you know, are you supplementing for your expectations against your wedding or we've looked at your Pinterest board and what your parents are.

Mm-hmm.

whomever is donating to your wedding fund is not gonna be the same. And then the other half of that is going to be ⁓ how do you deal with the parents' pull on the money and their say in the planning? Every relationship is different. ⁓ I think that we've had family situations where the parents are like, whatever you wanna do is fine, we're giving you X amount of dollars, what you choose to do with it is great, here are the things we want or here are the number of guests that we want. And then we need to work around those constraints.

Yeah

Mm-hmm.

versus

we have parents who are just the minutiae, the pennies are being held and the time grass and we're fighting for the things that we want. But I think that saying here are our priorities early, these are the things that are important to us as a couple. These are the things that are important for our families and taking that weight in consideration and then having internal open dialogues about what it is. And so that those priorities can be established early for the budget reasons and then the rest of it.

Mm-hmm.

If the couple needs to pick up where parents don't want to, they understand what those financials are. I really wish there was like one clean answer for this, but we have been through a thousand versions of what this looks like. Trying to explain to a dad who has no concept of a wedding budget why we need different chairs is like a beast of another nature. ⁓

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And sometimes the bride just needs to say or or whomever just needs to say, it's because I want them. And they're like, sure. And then other times it's like, let me show you 30 pictures of why this works. And then once we convince them, then it works. Or sometimes they just say no. ⁓ But there's a push pull that has to exist in just communication. That's really honestly what it boils down to is just being able to advocate for things that are a priority and communicate and then respect people boundaries. ⁓ It's not worth breaking relationships over when it comes to money.

Mm-hmm.

1903.

drink, they do not like alcohol, they did not want alcohol at the wedding. And I was 25 and I was like, what do you mean no alcohol? No chance. And what ended up happening is my parents pulled their funding and said, we don't want to do this. And so my husband and I corralled the money as baby entrepreneurs straight out of college and said, this is the hill we're going to die on. Ironically, my friends drank in the parking lot because we had a beer and wine bar. They drank liquor at lot.

No.

No

chance.

Hmm

Yeah.

I realized it wasn't worth fighting with my family about. It wasn't worth battling over money and having this thing. So I said, let's take it out of the equation. And if we want it bad enough, we're going to fund it. And that's the way we approached it when we got into the wedding scape, because I was unwilling to damage my parental relationships over money. And I knew that I couldn't fight any more than I already had. and that's okay. That's their boundary to have that. Now as an adult, I go, that's really reasonable.

Yeah.

At the time, I was an unhappy camper and I was very poor, but it was a wedding that we wanted to have. So I had make up the money. And that's what comes with choosing to buck the tradition of what's coming from the people that are giving to your wedding.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Alright, so speaking of traditions, etiquette and everything, so are there any specific etiquette rules that are truly outdated but still cause a lot of guilt or confusion for couples today?

Actually, I went in this week that was funny. Love my moms because I know they listen. One of our moms could not fathom that people would not bring gifts to the wedding because historically, generationally, you brought a gift, you register for China, you brought a gift to the wedding. And we explain that nowadays we have card boxes and cards and it is etiquette to bring something but it's cash. And she was like, that feels like the mob. Like, why would you just pad cash?

You

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

⁓

the people and I was like, no,

Put it all in a bag,

no, no, it's in an envelope. Like I'm not taking cash. I'm not picking it up. But like it was one of those where I said like this is an etiquette rule that's evolved. It's a little outdated to bring a gift. If people bring gifts, I actually feel like it's annoying because then the couple asked her to slip the gift home. And that one was one that is outdated but has evolved. And I think that the feelings on that, like she was shook at the idea that somebody was bringing a gift. I

Mm-hmm.

think that the expectation of parent dances, while it would break my heart, is becoming vaguely outdated and it does hurt people's feelings. ⁓ And then...

Hmm, yeah.

I would also say the family expectations, traditions of traditional parental roles in weddings. know, let's be real. So many families are no longer the core families they were when the kids were growing up. And you're talking about kids of divorce or strained relationships and those expectations of and traditions of dad needs to do a toast, dad needs to do this or mom's expected to this, but not speak.

Mm-hmm.

or both parents need to sit together in the front pew of the church, those are things that are becoming outdated. And it is okay to say the familial harmony is more important. If my mom has been the core provider for me her whole life and my dad was not that person, I'm gonna do a mother daughter dance. I'm gonna do, I'm gonna let my mom speak or both parents can speak or my dad's not saying I give her away. Both my parents are gonna say something.

Mm-hmm.

I think those traditions need to ebb and flow because what a traditional family looks like does not look like what it looked like 20, 30 years ago. And so that ⁓ is an interesting one because I think that our parents do believe those things should be kept in a quieter home versus being put on display that we're not like all copacetic all the time.

I agree.

Yeah, it's such incredibly hard to navigate and it's different with every family, so I understand. ⁓ Do you think there are any ways that couples can include tradition ⁓ symbolically without it letting that dictate the entire wedding?

Oh, mean, completely. think having a different layout for your reception kind of bucks tradition, but you can still have symbolic moments. So maybe it's not, we're having ceremony cocktails, reception, it's a play to dinner, speeches, dances. Maybe we change the dynamic of the whole flow of the day and it's more open range and stations and dancing is the beginning, middle and end because we want to party. And then we go into an after party.

Mmm.

Yeah.

But the tradition of in the middle of that, we're going to do these traditional moments. We're going to have the quiet cake cutting. We're going to do the parent dances. We had a couple that didn't want to have a traditional ceremony. They were like, we don't want to walk down the aisle. So they invited everybody to cocktail hour. Everybody came to this cocktail hour. And in the middle of the cocktail hour was a tiny platform. And they stood on that platform and they delivered vows in front of everybody. They just had this like kind of

Mm.

They were all mingling and then they just came and stood up on the platform. They said, thank you for coming. They exchanged vows, they kissed, and then we went into a party. And that was so much fun. ⁓ But it was still, we're gonna have the tradition of the vows because that's important to us to exchange this promise to each other in front of our loved ones. But we don't need the pomp and circumstance. We don't need you sitting in a chair staring at us for 35 minutes. That was hands on one of my favorite weddings I've ever done. It was really cool. Underneath of a...

That's really cool.

I'm going to say that sounds really cool.

A whole canopy of greenery and disco ball. I mean, it was perfect.

Yeah.

Yeah,

yeah. Love it.

Wow,

yeah, that sounds amazing.

Alright, so what's one decision couples tend to overthink because of outside opinions?

I think that's loaded. I can answer that a thousand different ways. think I want to tackle it from food and beverage. think the idea that you can only serve a certain kind of meal dinner food based off of the masses. I think that there this, this tradition of at least in the mid Atlantic. If you go up to New Jersey, it's like a whole different kind of party.

I know.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

Mmm!

Hmm.

Yeah

It's like

six past four derbs, maybe a station, two course sit down, plated salad dinner. And couples don't want to go fish and beef and past weird canapes. They want to do interactive stations. They want to push the boundaries on food. They want to change and say, Hey, our first course is going to be, we did a bone marrow first course. I don't like bone marrow. I thought it was gross.

But they loved it. Their guests tried

Yeah.

something new. I could watch the guests across the room, find something new that they loved. It was presented really cool. And that's where it's like, this fit them. It didn't fit tradition. Their dinner was this, you know, beautiful spread that everybody found things that they loved inside of it. it's family style. I think those are ways where the tradition can be pushed to the side, but it does not resonate with people who come in and go, well, I expect I'm going to get...

all of this food, but it looks different. ⁓ And that can cause some, you know, some thoughts there, but I think that people become pleasantly surprised by it. ⁓ And the experience then changes their perception of a wedding and makes the wedding more memorable. ⁓ Just being, you know, more curated in idea.

Yeah.

My wife and I got married like 17 years ago before late night snacks were cool. But we got married on New Year's Eve. We got married on New Year's Eve and I wanted some drunk food. And so I was working with the caterer to like, and the venue like what to do. they were wanting to charge, I was like, I love nachos. They wanted to charge me like $10 a person for nachos. And I thought that was ridiculous. And then the planner I was working with, that was also the venue planner. She goes, hey, go get take and bake pizzas. got 12.

Mm.

12 racks in the oven and we'll put out pizzas and it's crazy because it's cost me less than 200 bucks for the 12 pizzas and still to this day pizza people stop me and go your wedding man the pizza came out and it was like but it was the cheapest thing we did and they people still to this day umpteen years later remember it it cracks me up

It was transformative.

I think when ⁓ you make a connection or a moment or a surprise, and it's getting harder to do, social media is making that a lot harder to do, ⁓ it does change things. We had a wedding where we knew the buses were going to be going from a small town to a bigger town. was going to be a 30 minute drive. And we did, we ordered pizzas. We literally ordered Papa John's and we gave everybody a roti and a piece of pizza on the bus. And the next day when I saw everybody at brunch, they were like, that changed my life. ⁓ They got to my hotel and they weren't all gross. And I was like, yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I bet.

It's the tiny moments that can change things. And I think that when you go against the expected tradition or the thing that has to happen, it actually goes a long way. Like, guests will remember that and they value it more. And then eventually maybe then it changes what tradition looks like.

Yeah, we had a couple we were working with one time that ⁓ in and out burgers a huge thing out here in the West Coast. ⁓ Eventually it'll make your way out to you. they literally had a burger and fries on every ⁓ seat of the bus. And so every guest, you know, and they had no idea, but you could, it was crazy because you could smell it as coming out of the. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

sleep.

Yeah.

Like, what is that?

But it

like same thing probably change those people's lives on the way home.

What that?

Yeah, and I just feel like you just end on a high note too, because like, you know, I feel like the end of the night can dictate so much of what you felt in the overall day. if, yeah, I had a burger, I had a pizza, I'd be, I'd be feeling really good. So, yeah.

You

know, I do

as a vendor, there's nothing I love more than a late night bite or a snack as I'm walking out the door. I'm like, I'll take the leftovers, thank you.

Mm-hmm.

yeah. Yep.

Yeah. All right. Well,

It's my favorite.

I think we are getting close to the end here, but we wanted to ask, just to kind leave our couples with, what's the biggest mistake that you see couples make when trying to balance tradition, trends, and family expectations?

Absolutely. ⁓ I think one of the bigger mistakes that happens kind of leans in on the trend side. And I think it's this idea that some people won't lean into the trends. It's kind of the opposite of what we talked about today, which is some couples are really trend adverse because they're afraid that it will mark their wedding space as this moment in time, or it's too trendy or it's too niche. And I think that it's okay to mark your wedding

Mmm.

Hmm.

⁓

with a trend or an idea, color, concept, decor, even though we talked about the trends that exist, for where it is right now. Because I can say, I mean, it has been 17 years since I got married. I remember what it was like in the wedding industry back then, ⁓ not because I was a vendor, but because I remember pouring through magazines and looking at trends, and it was before the age of Pinterest, and developing what I wanted my wedding to look like. And I can look back on that fondly.

And while I might not be showing my pictures to everybody because they can be a little outdated, that's photography styles, I still look back on it and know that that's who I was at that time in my life, which is maybe different than who I am right now, but it still resonates to some degree. Any trend you pick up is because you like it. It's a piece of something that you enjoy or your style or your aesthetic or your food, you know, where you are in your food journey, culinary space at that time. And so I don't look at it as being

Mm-hmm.

trendy per se. I look at it as honor where you are in your life right now, because in 10 years you'll be in a different space and you will look back on that space fondly. ⁓ Don't lean into a trend because it's flashy and it's a flash in the pan. Like make sure it resonates with you longer than a couple of, you know, a TikTok moment. ⁓ But don't be afraid of trends because it's just a piece of your, same as clothing style or the car you're driving or the foods you choose to eat.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And so you can merge those ideas with the traditions that are valuable to your heritage or your upbringing or your parents and still have trendy moments in design and aesthetic and food and culture and whatever that is. I just feel like more clients than not are afraid of trends and they gravitate to tradition because it feels safe and it feels expected. ⁓ I believe in weaving a story of your wedding that is the two of you, where you've been, where you're going.

And that is really this moment in time. These three years are on your engagement, newlywed bliss and getting married. And it's okay to kind of make it, you know, encapsulate it. Like, you know, those boxes that you buried in the ground and you, anyway, that's my wedding album. Like nobody needs to know that I had plums and like a few chiflours at my wedding. Cause that was what was in trend then. But the rest of it still looked like me. My dress looked like me. My bridesmaids were my friends. My, you know, all the rest of it looked like.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just was in that trendy space because that's what was cool at the time and I'm okay with that. I am okay with living in that space.

I I look back and we had brown tuxedos and I'm like, what was I thinking? Yeah, yep. Yep, I did.

You're a brown tux guy. I tell people about that all the time. They're like nobody wore brown tux.

Brown tux is it's back. It's coming back. What was your secondary color? That's the question. Yep. Either pink or Tiffany blue.

friend who got married last year they had brown tuxes so like it's coming back around you know

Yeah.

Pink.

Yep.

Yeah

Yep, we did pink.

of

same era. That was us. were in between Brown and Tiffany Blue or like an eggplant and fuchsia. And I was like, I'm going bold. I'm gonna be wild. None of my clients will ever see my wedding, but I like it.

Yeah.

Yeah

I know I kind of say the same thing. No one needs to see what I did because it was so bad. Yeah. All right, Tabitha. Thank you so much for being here. So how can our couples find you?

No one needs to see it. You also need to see baby me. Let's not crock.

You

Yeah, absolutely. So you can find me on social media, ⁓ Instagram, TikTok at Roberts and Co. Or our website, Robertsandcoevents.com. ⁓ Definitely hit us up online. Would love to share more about trends and tradition and all of that. It's such a fun, kind of unique topic to dive into.

Mm-hmm.

All right, and folks, we'll have all of Tabitha's information in our show notes. And the email blast that goes out. And Tabitha, we can't thank you enough for being here sharing all your knowledge. You were great. All right, bye, guys. Thank you for listening to another episode of Now That I'm Engaged, How Do I Get Married? We'll see you next time. Bye.

Appreciate you.

Bye.