Learn about my vision for myself and why it is a driving force behind my daily action.

The great people I mentioned are:

Sheryl Takayama of Why Weight Nutrition - you can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok

Rachel Klaver of Identify Marketing - you can find her on LinkedIn, TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram

WARNING - I use some colourful language in this episode. I've decided when you are being this honest that this is OK. However, I understand that this is not for everyone. Thus the appropriate warning.

Enjoy!

Welcome to the Shape of Kate I'm Kate Nankerve, your host.

And after so, so many false starts, this is my journey of transformation from being unfit,

overweight and lacking in energy to creating a full life, including high energy well being

and a strong, fit body.

Wow.

I launched The Shape of Cave and I was really honest with you guys.

Do you know that feeling of like when you're going to go jumping off a cliff into the lake

or a river and you summon up the courage and then you're really **** scared because it's

high but it looks exciting? So you get to the top of the cliff and you're

like, whoa.

You take your courage into your whatever.

You just grab that courage and then you throw yourself off.

Well, after I released that episode, I realized I felt that feeling of when you've

landed in the water, you go under and you come up and you go, yes, I did it.

But you also realize that you've probably exposed yourself and I know I needed to do

that.

So thank you to all of you who have listened

so far because it was that kind of moment for me and still is to tell you guys that I'm

starting this journey at 162 and a half kilograms.

I didn't want to tell anyone that and now that I have, I've kind of been freed by saying it.

Which feels really good because part of my intention for this podcast is to be more

honest, be more myself.

And that is being honest, isn't it?

I'm not hiding, I'm not pretending.

I mean, it's not like anyone can miss it

anyway.

Because when you see me, you can see that I'm

around person at this point in time, but somehow in my head, that's not telling you

that I'm that weight.

So anyway, I've done that, which is awesome.

Now, I was out for my walk this morning, so I was thinking about what would I share next

with you? And I had this moment of insight, blinding,

flash, whatever you call it, where I thought about another reason why or a strong

motivation why I'm taking this action is that I want alignment with the vision that I have

for myself.

So I set myself a goal earlier this year to

create more video content.

And so I've been working on creating more

video content, but in fact, I found it really confronting.

So shout out to the awesome human that is Rachel Claver from Identifying Marketing, who

I'm doing some work with in one of her programs because Rachel's been calling on us

to do it.

And I realized that I had some real mindset

issues around me being on camera and that getting in the way of me creating content.

Now, there's a range of things that I can do to manage for that, but part of it really sunk

into me was that I felt it really confronting.

I find it really confronting to be on video at

this present time because I'm seeing the me that is the me now and it's not the me that I

want to be in the world.

It's not the me that I dream for myself and

it's not that of me that I know I can be.

I remember the amazing feeling.

I remember what it felt like to feel strong and able.

Free to choose whatever I wanted to do.

Free to run.

Free to do spin classes.

Free to ride a mountain bike.

Free to go for a run on a forest trail.

Free to run around town.

Free to dance for as long as I wanted.

And also free to wear the clothes that I

really love to wear.

The clothes that I would fall in love with and

either make because I'm a keen sewer or sewer as we called.

Or buy and then put together outfits that I'd want to wear.

And you know, one of the things that you can do when you're in the sort of size range where

you can go out and buy clothes, which tends to be somewhere between probably an eight and 16,

generally in women's clothing, you can easily make up outfits in a range of different styles

to suit your vision, your choice of colors, whole bunch of different other things.

When you put on a lot of weight, the options shrink.

I'm just gonna say that again, the option shrink.

So it's stink unless you're able to do something about that.

I do manage for that because I am a Solest and I make some of my own clothes, a bunch of

them, so that's cool.

However, I still love to wear the clothes that

I see and dream of.

So that's kind of part of my vision for

myself.

But coming back to feeling confronted by being

on video, you know, you take a bunch of different videos when you're creating a piece

of content.

So you're going to do you might create five or

ten versions of something.

When you first try something, you're going to

edit that.

Now when I started to see myself on video, so

then I do things like I pretty much take video from my head and shoulders up.

I'm not so much taking video of my whole body because that would feel uncomfortable.

So all of that stuff was really prompting me inside myself without actually even thinking

about it.

I had to do something.

There was something that had to happen because I'm determined to create the video, because I

know it's the right thing to grow my business.

I tell my clients to do it, I encourage my

clients to do it.

But here I am, I've got this internal barrier

because I'm carrying this weight around.

So my vision for myself, it's not just a

physical one.

Whilst I'm talking about some physical

elements here, my vision for myself is one where I am well, I am fit and I am able and

I'm in a good space psychologically and spiritually and intellectually.

And for me, being slowed down, being made unwell by being overweight, that's not the

space where I feel at my best.

So in order to get where I want to be, I felt

this kind of motivation from somewhere.

And then I connected with Cheryl, and that was

actually through Rachel Carter, which was awesome.

And so the pathway kind of revealed itself because Cheryl turned up in my life and is

awesome.

To help me move towards the vision that I have

for myself, I am pulling out some old photos of myself and when I was fitter and stronger,

I'm pulling out photos of when I was wearing the clothes that I love to wear.

And I'm working on defining what that vision can look like and also what it can be like

along the way and how I can start stepping into that.

And also I'm going to take the perfectionist judgment monkey off my shoulder, start

creating more video content, regardless of what size I'm at.

So I'm going to start creating it now.

But I wanted to say that out loud and share it

with you because there are probably many of you who may be listening to this, who are in

business and also may have to create content and might choose to create video content.

You might identify with some of what I'm talking about here.

So if where I was at was out of alignment with the vision that I have for myself, then it's

great to be moving towards that vision.

I also you can tell I like to talk.

Well, I love to talk, really, and I love to talk with other people.

But part of my vision is also to do more speaking work and in order to be alignment

with the person I want to be in the speaking work I want to do again, that shift has to

happen for me.

Now, I know there's a lot in this whole topic

and conversation because I probably talk some people along the way who are advocates in the

body positivity movement.

I come from the perspective where I think I

grew up in the say in my teenage years, and all the messages were to be slim and to or

probably be quite skinny, really.

Supermodels were very much the order of the

day in terms of the ideal role model.

And El MacPherson was probably totally there.

So when I was at school, I didn't think even though I wasn't actually overweight, I didn't

think I was right.

So I started dieting at school.

It's nuts, isn't it? And I remember doing the bread diet, which

literally was you'd take like, we ate Vogels, so it was a nice bread, but you'd take vocals

and all you'd eat on I think it was alternate days.

You'd eat bread on one day and then you have a regular day of regular food and then the third

day, bread, regular food.

Bread, regular food.

So literally you could toast the bread.

I think we could probably put some marmite on

the bread.

Oh my God, was that boring.

You know, vogue bread, the bread diets.

And I do remember I lost a few kilos, but I

really didn't need to.

It's just that I was really stuck in the

comparison trap.

That because I wasn't like who I was seeing or

I wasn't like my school buddies who were smaller frames than me because I grew to

between 510 and eleven, that's 5ft, ten something when I was twelve and I was just a

stronger build than some of the other girls in my class who were shorter than me.

Probably should have been smaller than me because they were shorter than me.

So yeah, this whole area, I guess, of dissatisfaction with myself started quite

young.

So anyway.

When I think about that now and I think about the amount of time I have wasted in my life

thinking about or focusing upon dieting and losing weight in an unproductive sense.

Rather than focusing on well being and getting strong and being fit for the life that I want.

Which is totally where I'm at now.

And also acknowledging that all the I'm going

to say mind fuckery that has happened as a result of dieting and the mind fuckery that

has happened as a result of the loss.

Grief.

Heartbreak.

Trauma that I've experienced in my life that

caused the overeating that resulted in me being the weight and size that I am now.

I do need to take some action to create balance because I guess I'm not someone I'm

not going to just change a few things and hope that I get there.

I really want to get there.

I want to be able to go on a biking holiday

next year.

I want to be able to do all the things.

I'd like to be able to ski again.

I would like to do so many things, so

visualizing myself and my business, being active, being on stage, speaking, and being in

alignment with that vision that I have myself.

Like being fit, being strong, and being able

to share this journey that I'm on because that's probably going to be part of the

speaking.

I can imagine it will get there, but it's so

important.

So I thought today was a good day to talk

about alignment with my vision because when I stopped and thought about it, I thought about

how key that was.

Thank you again for listening to episode

number two of The Shape of Kate.

I really appreciate the level of interest and

support and love and compassion and kindness and just share beautiful humanity.

And those of you who have reached out to me already, I'm really grateful for it.

Thank you.

It moves me.

You'll probably start crying out and I look forward to sharing more of my journey with

you.

Thanks for listening to the Shape of Cake

today.