Today, I’m talking about how to do a digital detox, why you should consider trying it and the benefits to your kids. Plus, I’ll give you tips and some ideas of what your kids can do when they aren't on screens.

You’ll Learn:

• What a digital detox is and why you might do one
• How to know if now is the right time for a detox
• Ways a digital detox can benefit your kids
• Tips for doing a digital detox in your family

I always say my life’s mission is to heal the next generation in advance. One of the ways I want to help you do this is by giving you strategies to avoid overexposing your children to the virtual world while underexposing them to real life opportunities.

A digital detox takes screen time limits to another level. It is an intentional period of time (usually 2 to 3 weeks) when you’re taking screens off the table and resetting your child’s brain and nervous system. 

-------------------------------

When our kids spend a lot of time in the virtual world on screens, the big opportunity cost is that they aren’t spending that time doing real life stuff. 

Before we really get into it, I want to remind you that just listening to this podcast or reading this blog shows that you care about being a parent (and you’re already a really amazing one!). No need to judge or criticize yourself if you realize that there are some things you’d like to change.

Does Your Kid Need a Digital Detox?

Kids’ brains were not built to be exposed to high levels of stimulation and dopamine all the time (which is what they get from screens). Digital entertainment can overload children’s nervous systems, increase their cortisol (a stress hormone) and make everything else seem boring. 

In our family, we introduced tech pretty slowly to our kids. They had really limited access to screens, and we didn’t give them video games until they were 10 and 12 years old. When the video games started, I immediately noticed intense dysregulation, more fighting and agitation. 

So, one summer, I decided to do our first detox. The first couple of days were a little rough, but I very quickly noticed that the intensity, dysregulation and frustration in our house cooled down. The kids started to play together more. They were more compliant. They were happier. So every once in a while over the next few years, we did a 2 or 3 week detox.

Tantrums and Big Feeling Cycles are normal, but these are some signs that there could be some screen overuse going on:

• Screen time is getting in the way of real life connection
• Behavioral concerns after screen time ends (tantrums, outbursts)
• Loss of interest in non-screen activities
• Child seems sad, anxious or withdrawn
• Difficulty expressing themselves or making eye contact
• Intense sibling fights
• Constant complaints about being bored
• Child feels difficult to get along with
• Struggling in school or camp
• Child has low-frustration tolerance
• Child’s ability to concentrate has decreased or not expanding 

Each kid’s nervous system and tolerance to screens is different. Ultimately, if your kid seems a little off-balance, I invite you to consider a digital detox. 

Benefits of a Digital Detox

One of my clients recently shared with me that she thinks the reason they’re having such a good summer is because they’ve pulled back all devices, and the kids are just playing all the time. 

When you do a digital detox and your child knows in their mind that they don't have the option of getting a device, it forces their brain to find other solutions. If you give the brain the chance, it will rise to the occasion.

Here are some of the biggest benefits.

You’re giving your child the gift of time. This creates a giant opportunity for other real life experiences and skills. They play more, read more and use their creativity. They can get into drawing, practice an instrument or basketball or swimming, ride a bike. 

They get to practice failing. In play, kids experiment and try things. Some things work and some don’t. They have the opportunity to problem solve and figure it out. They build resilience to frustration and learn to work through challenges. Your kid will learn that they can handle things, that they're smart and creative, which boosts confidence.

Behavior improves. Without digital entertainment, the nervous system gets a chance to balance itself. When your child is not stressed by ups and downs in dopamine and cortisol, they aren’t as frustrated, irritated or anxious. They behave better because they feel better. Sleep and mood can also improve. 

How To Do a Digital Detox

A digital detox can be hard, but it’s probably not as hard as you think. 2 weeks might sound like a long time, but it actually goes by pretty quickly. 

Step 1: Look at your calendar and choose 2 weeks for the digital detox. Choose a time when you feel capable and ready to handle it, to give it your attention. If your kids are in camps this summer, starting on a Monday might make the transition easier. Personally, I think the 2 weeks before school starts are great, because your kid will be really well regulated when school starts. 

If there are stressful things happening in your life, it’s not a good time for a detox. Events like changing jobs, having a baby or dealing with challenges in your marriage or partnership will make it difficult to bring the intention you want to the detox. It’s hard to help your child reset when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Step 2: Remove all portable individual screens and devices. You can take them to their office, stash them in the car, put them in a safe, whatever works for you. 

Step 3: Talk to your kids. Sit around the table during a meal or treat and say something like...

“We're gonna try something new for a little while. We've read about the benefits of taking a technology break. And as your parent, I wanna help you have the strongest brain and strongest body possible. I want our family to enjoy time together without screens, so we're going to take a screen break. It will not be forever, but for now, you won't be using any electronic devices. I know it can be hard to take a break from something you enjoy, but we believe (or I believe) this is gonna be good for our family. We start tomorrow.”

Don’t present it as a punishment, but as something that is good for them. Let them know that you have a plan and you’re going to work through it together.  

Step 4: Start the detox. On day 1 or 2 it can be helpful to make a list together of screen free fun ideas. 

Here are some ideas for boredom busters you can try:

• Bake or cook
• Play a board game
• Play cards
• Build an indoor fort
• Look for bugs outside
• Go to the library and get new books
• Have mom/dad read aloud
• Make a robot or other creature with household items destined for the trash
• Print fun coloring pages
• Stuffed animal party
• Play school. 
• Send Grandma a letter or make her a card
• Play & decorate with a large cardboard box.
• Write a story/graphic novel
• Build a Lego scene
• Start a club
• Memorize something 
• Have friends over
• Go on a nature walk 

There will be times when your kid’s big feelings come out. They’ll be upset because they aren’t getting what they want, something they really love. This can be hard, but it doesn’t last long. When you trust that you're doing this for a good reason and that you stay committed, you can have compassion for your child without changing the circumstance for them.

You might also worry that you’re going to lose your “off” time or breaks. This is short-term work for a long-term payoff. Teaching your children how to deal with frustration, how to be told no and how to deal with boredom have long term benefits to you.

Here are a few final tips:

• Recruit a friend to do the detox with you. The kids can play together and bond over how terrible their parents are. 😂
• Help your kids get started on an activity or project. Then, let them continue working on it on their own. 
• Go easy on yourself. If you give up or give in partway through, don’t worry about it. Don’t judge yourself. Reset and decide where you want to go from here. Do you want to put some new limits around screens? Try the detox again in a few weeks? 

Maybe your family needs a digital detox right now. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you’ve read all of this and think it sounds cool, but maybe later. All of those are okay. There doesn’t have to be urgency here. More like curiosity about if it is the right thing at the right time for your kids and family. 

More than anything, I want to remind you that you are the parent, and you get to make decisions in the best interest of your kids. It sometimes feels like technology takes hold of our families. It can feel out of control. I want you to know that it is possible to decrease the amount of digital entertainment your kids have access to, and they will be better off for it. 

Related Episodes:

• Episode 127: Create a Play Based Childhood
• Episode 128: Encouraging Boredom
• Episode 129: Screen Free Mindset

Resources:

• Get my free Summer Toolkit (including 80+ boredom busters)
• Digital Detox by Molly DeFrank (her website also has tons of great tips, strategies and screen free activities)
• Reset Your Child's Brain by Dr. Victoria Dunckley
• Jim Trelease’s Read Aloud Handbook

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Welcome back to become a calm mama. I'm your host. I'm Darlyn

Childress. And as you can probably tell, I've

been on a little kick lately about, you

know, creating more time or opportunities for your

children to play and to, you know, deal

with boredom. And, really, this is all

coming because I, you know, of course, I've always believed that children

need these opportunities to grow in their frustration

tolerance and be bored so they be are creative.

And, you know, having screen time limits is really important. But, of

course, I read anxious generation by John Haidt, and it

has just expanded my mission to

protect children. And one of the ways that I

wanna help children, this future generation and heal them

in advance, as I always say that that's my my life mission

is to heal the next generation in advance

is by giving you strategies for how to protect your

children from over exposure to the virtual world

while underexposing them to real life opportunities.

And what happens when our children spend a lot of time

in the virtual world on screens, you know, doing passive

entertainment is that there's a big opportunity cost

to do real life stuff. So I've had a

few episodes about, you know, creating a play based childhood,

managing boredom, screen free mindset. And today,

I'm going to talk about how to do a digital detox.

Now I want to start out by just

saying to anyone listening that you are listening to a

parenting podcast. And you know what that means about you? It means you

care about being a parent, that you're very focused

and intentional and want to become the parent

that you wanna be, particularly a calm mama.

Right? That's the name of this podcast. So I know it's really important to

you that you, you know, do this parenting thing

well. So I want you to, as you listen to this

podcast episode, not come from a

place of panic or anxiety or, you know,

self criticism or judgment like, oh my god. I'm doing everything wrong. No. I

want you to first just identify you're an amazing parent. Look at how

intentional you are. And so own that

about yourself and then listen to this episode with curiosity.

Maybe your family needs a digital detox right now. Maybe you don't.

Maybe you wanna listen to this episode and be like, that sounds cool, and I

wanna do that, like, next summer. Or that sounds cool, and maybe I'll do

that, you know, in November or something like that. Like, I want you

to open yourself up to thinking about it, but

don't necessarily create urgency. I want you to come

at, if you do a digital detox with your family, really approach

it from this is the right time and this is the

right thing to do with my kids.

Now, what what we need to really understand

is that children and also

our adult brains, but children in particular, their nervous systems

were not built to be exposed to high

levels of, digital entertainment to

stimulation and to get that dopamine all the

time. Like, it the way that digital entertainment comes in for

children, it can be really overloading to their nervous system. It can

increase their cortisol, and it gives them that dopamine

drip that makes everything else seem sort of

boring. This is totally parenthetical, but

sometimes with my phone, with my cell phone, I turn

all the apps into black and white. You can do that in,

like, the accessibility setting. And all of a sudden,

my phone is real boring because everything is, like, in black and

white. And, you know, most of the world, the digital world

is like a technicolor color. Right? It's like the color of Skittles.

While in nature, everything is a little bit more muted. So

our species isn't designed to have, like, that bright, bright color

and stimulation and fast moving and pacing and loudness and all that. It can

be really overloading. So

with that in mind, I want you just to think about the, you know,

limiting some of your kids' screen exposure

if they have more than you think is is great for

them. Okay? Now a digital detox

is a little bit more of an no. I don't really wanna say extreme,

but it's a little bit more of an intentional period of time

where you are resetting your child's brain.

You're resetting their nervous system. You're resetting

their cortisol levels, and you're balancing out their

dopamine input. So it's a pretty specific,

like, period of time with a very intentional,

reason to do it. Now I

am gonna talk to you about why you should do a digital tea

detox, what are the benefits, and how to

do one, and then give you some ideas of what your kids can do

when they aren't on screens, and then give you some tips

and stuff like that. So before I get

into all the details, I do wanna say that I did many digital

detoxes with my children. I've talked about this a little bit

that we, as a family, chose a slow tech

environment for our kids. So there was very limited,

yes, video games and options. And, you know,

they didn't have tablets and they didn't have their own devices and

they didn't watch TV every day. They didn't play video games until they were 10

and 12. We just were really slow about exposing

our kids to social to not social media, but to

entertainment, to passive entertainment. It was very specific, very

timed, and all of that. So even with that in mind, even

with a family that was not over

overdosed on, you know, passive entertainment

and, you know, digital input, I

could still see my kids becoming off

balance when it especially when I gave them

video games. So this is what we're seeing in the

literature is that, you know, for some kids watching too

much, you know, screens and tablets and things like that can make them

even, like, under 10 years old, make them really, dysregulated

easily. They have, you know, they they

struggle. I'm gonna go into that in a second. But with my kids, because they

were in a slow tech situation from 0 to 10,

they really didn't ever have, like, a lot of behavioral issues

around tech. Right? Because they just didn't have that much exposure

to to devices, to screens. They could watch television on

the weekends for, like, 1 or 2 hours. That was about all that they

got to do. And it was they watched it together on the

big TV, and they each got to pick a show or a

movie or something like that. And that was pretty much

all that they had access to until Lincoln was 12 and Soar

was 10. So long time. Right? But

even with that, when we gave our kids video

games, I immediately noticed the intense

dysregulation, intense fighting. They

were constantly agitated. There was a lot of

rage quitting. So they would play these games that were group

games. And, you know, there was they would,

get really upset. I could hear them screaming at the devices

and screaming at the people they were playing with. There was

just so much frustration all the time. They were playing Fortnite. They

were playing these different games, and it was just unpleasant

to be around. But in particular, I noticed that

one of my kids had a lot of trouble,

like, managing the frustration of the video game in a way that

was polite and kind. And so there was

one point in the summer that I just decided we're done. We're doing

a detox. Right? At that time, I just called it a reset,

and I used a book by Victoria Dunkley

called reset your child's brain. And it helped it

helped me kind of give some guidelines that I'm gonna talk about today.

And it was rough at first, Like, the 1st

day or 2, there was a lot of, like, you know, dysregulation and

frustration. But then I noticed pretty much

immediately that the temperature in the

house cooled. There was a lot less frustration,

a lot less annoyance, a lot less dysregulation.

The kids started to play together more. They were more,

compliant. They were happier. Like, it just was,

like, amazing. And, you know, we did that

detox, and then every once in a while over the next, you know, few years,

I'd have to do it again. I'd be like, oh, time to take a break,

and I would pull devices away

for 2 weeks or 3 weeks. And,

you know, we would just not have access to anything like that. The only thing

I personally did during our detoxes was I allowed for family

movie night because I like that, and it was fun, and I wanted us

to all sit together. But I didn't do that in the 1st week. I would

do that like the 2nd week. Okay. So

I've done these, and I used to teach people to do them a lot,

especially before the pandemic. And then when there was a

pandemic and everyone was on devices all the time, it just didn't seem

possible to me to be putting that pressure on parents to

do detoxes and to do screen free resets. A couple of

clients, 1 on 1, I would have them do it. We would

strategize and and talk about it. But in general, I wasn't really

talking about this much. But now that we have you

know, we're no longer quarantining and the kids are, you

know, move past that, you know, being stuck at home all the

time. It is it is I am seeing

that there is a lot of overuse of digital technology.

And I'm also seeing in my clients, like, their kids

just are so dysregulated. And, like, I understand

tantrums are normal and big feeling cycles are normal, and I normalize that for you.

But there is when you see that your kids

are really dysregulated a lot,

If you have intense sibling fightings, if your kids are constantly

complaining about being bored, if you just feel like your child is

difficult to get along with, if they're struggling in school or at

camp, if they have that low frustration tolerance,

if they don't seem to be able to follow, track, concentrate,

make eye contact. If you're starting to see

some kinds of behaviors that just seem like you've lost your

child. Like maybe they're not like, who are

they right now? I want you to look at possible

overuse in screens. And I'm not gonna give you numbers

about that. I'm not gonna say, like, oh, if your kid is using more than

1 hour or something like that. Because I actually don't know

what your child's tolerance is and where their nervous system

development is. For some kids, they might be able to have lots

of entertainment exposure, and it might not dysregulate them very much.

Other kids are more sensitive to that. They need to move their body more. They

need to be outside. Their nervous system is built in such a

way that they need more, like, less screen time

than is typical. So I want you just to think about

maybe your kid is a little off balance. Maybe

they, you know, seem sad, anxious, withdrawn.

They've lost interest in on screen activities. You see

some behavioral concerns right when screen time

ends. Like, they're, like, really, really

upset when you're like, okay. Time's up. You know, the timer's on.

Time's gone off or video game. If you see some major

dysregulation around screen time or just in general,

I'd love for you to consider a digital detox.

Because here's what is happening when your child is getting that,

a passive digital entertainment is that

they're they're getting a pretty big flood of dopamine,

and it's like pump pump pump pump pump pump pump pump pump pump, and then

you say stop. No more. Time's up. And the

dopamine, you turn it off. Maybe they fight you a little bit because they're having

a little bit of, you know, big feelings about it. Their their nervous system is

starting to freak out and you turn it off. And then all of a sudden

that dopamine dip is so extreme for them that

then they become weepy. They come become impulsive. They

become angry. It's it's like they're short

circuited. Right? And they are, they can't

really manage the the withdrawal, the

immediate withdrawal of the of the screen. And so then they want

it again. They want it again. They want their fix. And you can see

this with with your kids possibly where they're like, you know, every day can

I can I use your phone? Can I watch something? Can I use the iPad?

Can I check this on the Internet? Can I look on Amazon? Can I do

you there's this constant asking of, can I get on the

device? Can I get access to that dopamine hit?

I, dopamine is not bad. Dopamine is amazing, but we

wanna give our kids the ability to get dopamine in a

bunch of different ways. Right? If you think

about, you know, a kindergarten or 1st grade teacher

saying, okay. Today, we're going to be, you know, doing this coloring

project, and we're all gonna be doing this, you know, whatever with glue and tape

and stuff. Kids who get a lot of devices at home, they're

gonna be like, wah wah. Boring. They're not gonna wanna do it. They're

not gonna be motivated. They're not gonna pay attention. They're gonna roll around.

Maybe act naughty because they're trying to get a a higher

dopamine kick because little everyday things

that 5, 6, 7 year olds think are fun, they find

boring. Because, yeah, it is boring compared to, you

know, watching somebody smash something with a monster truck on

YouTube or whatever it is that they're watching.

So we wanna give our kids this opportunity

to develop their nervous system and their

creativity and their interest in a screen

free way. So when you do

a a digital detox, the coolest stuff

happens. I saw this in my life. I'm also

referencing quite a bit from Molly DeFrank's book

called Digital Detox. I highly recommend if you're

gonna do one of these, digital detox that you read her book. It

is so easy to read. It's got so many

great tips, and it she really does offer you a lot of

hope and perspective and

a lot of great strategies. So I love the book. It's super simple to

read, and it's not too dense. And, I'm I highly recommend

it. So you know what? So she talks

about how many different families have done digital detoxes in her work.

And, and, of course, I have my own experiences myself and with

my clients. I it's amazing what happens when

they when, a a mom that I work with takes her kids

and limits screen time or even does it in elimination

diet type of thing. It has so

much repercussions. One of my clients just today said to me, I think

that's why I'm having such a good summer is because we've pulled back all

devices, and the kids are just playing all the time.

And I love that. That's so amazing. That's what I want for you.

So when you do a d digital detox and your child knows

in their mind that they don't have the option

of getting a device, so this is why we don't limit it. We actually, you

know, take it away completely elimination for 2 weeks

or 3 weeks. It depends. I did mine for 3 weeks, but

in the Molly Defranck book, she recommends 2 weeks.

I think 2 weeks is also great to see the the results.

So what happens when you when you

do this and you say to your kids, you're not gonna have access to this.

No more digital entertainment for the next, you know, 2

weeks is that then their brain stops thinking that that's

an option, and it forces the brain to find

other solutions. That's what boundaries really do when they're firm and

strong. The brain then pit pivots. I always say

limit to pivot. You set a limit to pivot. Right? So we wanna

set that really strong limit, that really strong boundary, and your child will

push against it and then have to pivot towards something different.

So that when you do a digital detox, it creates a

giant opportunity, time opportunity for other

experiences. Like, they can practice real life

skills. They can work on their piano. They can work on their drawing. They can

work on riding that bike. They can work on their handwriting. They can learn how

to play football or get better at basketball or, you know, swimming

in in the summer, you know, whatever it is that their your child wants to

practice. Right? It gives them opportunity.

The top the brain needs time

to sink into something,

sit in it for a while, and then transition out of it. And

so we wanna give our kids the gift of time, which is so

beautiful about summer. That's why I'm doing this episode in the

summer. So I think you still have a couple weeks left

of before school starts, and you can really do a screen free break. And

then when school gets started, you'll be able to

put your screen time limits much more firm

and your post detox plan in place in

connection to the beginning of school. So that's why I think this is a really

good time to do a screen free reset or a

digital detox. When your kids are

doing things in real life, they get to practice

failing. Like, if I'm building with Legos or I'm building a

fort or I'm, trying to mix, you know, 2

colors together to get a certain color with my crayons.

I'm experimenting. I'm trying something. I'm putting the pillow up and it

it falls down. I'm putting the sheet here, but the sheet's not long enough. And

I don't have the right clips, and I don't know how to use these clips,

and my hands aren't strong enough. And, you know, you then you go get your

mom's help, and she's like, I can't help you. I'm making dinner. Figure it out.

And then you go back, and you're, like, trying you're trying to work at building

something. And that is a real life

frustration, right, in real time that you're

problem solving. And then you work through it and you that when you're

working through it, you're increasing your frustration

tolerance. You're that means you're more

willing, you're more okay with being frustrated.

We're seeing this with kids. They're not all that resilient. They don't wanna

stick to something. They don't wanna overcome. They don't wanna keep going.

And that's because it's hard and a lot of things in life are easy.

So let's just go to the easy. I'm not judging you or your children. This

is natural. This is like the brain's favorite thing is to do

something that's easy. It's but, it's its

favorite thing in terms of, like, it craves easy.

But, really, the brain loves to work hard at

solving problems and solving puzzles and and finding

solutions. If you give the brain the chance, it

will rise to the occasion, and your child

will learn that they can handle things, that they can they're they're smart. They

can problem solve. They're creative, and that

boosts confidence. Watching television,

watching something on your iPad does not boost your confidence.

It does not help you overcome anything or learn anything. Even if it's

educational, you're not learning in real time with your hands.

So we want our kids to be able to grow in their problem

solving skills and in their creativity and in their confidence.

Now what happens when you take away digital entertainment

is that the cortisol levels start dropping

because the dopamine and the cortisol that gets pumped in when watching

something stimulating or or doing something stimulating is

gone. And so the nervous system balances. And when your

child is not stressed, they don't they behave better.

Because remember, feelings drive behavior. So if I'm frustrated,

I'm going to behave poorly. If I'm, you

know, irritated and anxious and overwhelmed, I'm not

that's gonna show up in my behavior. So we want our

kids to have their cortisol levels drop, which means they

are more better behaved. They could because they feel better. That's why.

Your kids will let fight less. That's what I saw. Once

they didn't have to compete over technology or whose turn it was or

picking, you know, like, the show or whatever it was, if

just without that digital stimulation, my boys,

they still fought, but, like, it just wasn't so intense. They could problem solve

better. Another thing that happens is that

kids, they read more. They play with their toys. They're more creative,

their sleep improves, and their mood improves. So

doing a digital detox is worth the effort. Now

is it going to be hard? Kind

of. It's actually not as hard as you think.

I was thinking about this because we're suggesting, you know, to

do a digital detox for 2 weeks. And I

just had a planned foot surgery, a surgery on my big

toe, and I was, like, you know, in the

can't can't drive for 2 weeks. I'm not gonna be able to walk for 2

weeks. Like, you know, I can't cook, and what am I gonna do? I was,

like, really in my head about the 2 weeks. And then,

honestly, it went so fast. It was, like, week 1 was

down. Like, oh, wow. I'm already week 1 down. And then the following week, I

got my stitches out. And it was fast. And I

realized, like, wow. 2 weeks goes quick. Think about what you did 2 weeks

ago well, today and think about, like,

how how recent that seems. So I wanna encourage

you that although, you know, 2 weeks might

sound like a long time, it's actually gonna go by, like, super

fast. So how to do a digital detox is one is

to choose the 2 weeks that you're going to do this.

So kinda look at your calendar and pick 2 weeks.

You can decide to start it on a Monday. You can start it on a

weekend. I feel like I started mine on a Monday while my kids

were doing junior lifeguards because we were at the beach in the mornings. We

stayed for lunch. They hung out. We would come home.

They would rest, play, you know, play toys. We have

a swimming pool, so it'd be really hot. They would go outside, swim, and

then come back in, do a little chores. Like, it just kind of the

days flowed because they had they essentially had camp. And

some of your kids are in camps, and they're not using

devices during camp, which is amazing. Right? And then they get home,

and you do not need to push push a device on them. Now they can

do at home quiet stuff and, you know, read books

and do some chores and, you know, be creative, things like

that. Play with their siblings, you know, play cards, play board

games, all those things. So look at your

calendar and decide if this is a good time. I really do

think the 2 weeks before school starts is a great time to do

it. Because then when you your kids are super

regulated once school starts and when you bring

back devices and technology, you can do it very

sparingly. So I I think just looking at your

calendar and and deciding. Now when don't you wanna do a

detox? You do not wanna do it after you've started a new job, after you've

had a new baby, or if you're in a difficult place physically

or emotionally or if your marriage or your

partnership isn't going well because the stress of

this, experience, it just it just it's not stressful.

It just requires a lot of intention because you're going to be

supporting your children's nervous system. They're gonna be borrowing

your nervous system while theirs is resetting.

So you wanna come at this from a place where you're really kind of capable

and ready to handle it. So how do you do it? Okay. So you

choose your 2 weeks. You remove all individual screens

and devices, all individual.

Anything that is portable. Right? You take it away.

You can take it to your to an office. Like, if you have somebody who

works outside of your home, you just go take these away. Just take them. Some

people lock them in the back of the car, and they don't ever open the

trunk. I've said in the past that we had a safe, and so

you could put them in a safe. You wanna put your compute

your kids' computers, their switch, their iPads, their iPhones,

even if it's an iPhone with that's not connected to data, it's an

individual device. You have Wi Fi in your house. It's basically an iPhone.

All tablets, all video games, anything that

is portable, individual that's not attached to the wall, put it

away and and just remove

it. So that way, you don't have to deal with kids doing sneaky screens and

things like that. So you get prepped. Right? And then you tell

your kids, you sit around the table, you had a meal or a dessert, like,

you know, you have some cookies or something like that, and you say to them,

hey. We're gonna try something new for a little while. We've read

about the benefits of taking a technology break. And as your

parent, I wanna help you be have the strongest brain and strongest body as

possible. So we're going to try this. I want

our family to enjoy time together without

screens, so we're going to take a screen break.

It will not be forever, but for now, you won't be using any

electronic devices. I know it can be hard

to take a break from something you enjoy, but we believe, or

I believe this is gonna be good for our family. We start tomorrow.

So you just deliver the information and

it's not a punishment. It's not because you guys have been acting so badly over

the last couple of weeks. We're taking away devices. No. This

is an intentional moving towards something beautiful,

not to punish and take away something. We're offering to our

kids the perspective of, like, we think that this

is best for our family, and we're going to do

it. And it might be hard, but we can handle

it. And you're gonna really

own that this is the best, that you're the mom or the dad

and that you know best and that you have a good plan and that you

are ready to support your children and and give them the

best opportunities, even if it's hard.

So you communicate that to your children. And then the next day it

starts, it might be good day 1 or day 2

to make a list together of screen free fun ideas.

Now I've talked about this in boredom that you can't go to the

boredom buster until their brain is truly

ready for a solution. So at first, it just wants to

complain and gripe, and it's not ready for your solution. So don't give

your big your good ideas away yet. Wait till your child

gets through their discomfort, and then they will naturally start craving

solution. So what are some ideas? In the,

summer toolkit that I have on the website, calmmamacoaching.com

under resources is the summer toolkit, and inside

there is 80 80 plus ideas that you can

do, you know, to to screen free ideas basically to

get rid of boredom. But I'm gonna give you a few right now. Of course,

you can bake something, cook something, play a board game,

learn to play a new card game, build an indoor fort, go

look for bugs outside, go to the library, get new books,

ask mom and dad to read aloud to you, like, pick a book that we're

gonna read together. That was one thing I love doing in the summer

is that I would pick one book even after the kids could read, and

we would read, a book through the summer.

And we read the Penderweeks, and we did all these different books, and they're beautiful.

If you want ideas of books that you think

you like, you're like, I love books. I don't want my kids to have good

books. Get Jim Trelease's read aloud handbook.

It's such a good resource, and it has so many good books and tips and

how to read aloud in your family.

Okay. Other ideas, make a robot or creature with

household items, print fun coloring pages, do a stuffed

animal party, play school, play house, you know,

play, play beach, whatever. You

can send your grandpa or grandma a letter or make a card.

You can play and decorate with a large cardboard box. This was,

like, huge for my kids all so many different times we

would have for whatever reason, I don't know, large boxes. And

or I would just go buy one sometimes, like, at U Haul for

$5. And I would give them this big box, and it

would they would decorate it. They poke holes in it. It would become a

spaceship. It would become a boat. It they would sit in it.

I have pictures of them sitting in this box. They, you know, they would flip

it over. I mean, they just did so many things with a box. So

get get some boxes, you know, and let them play. They

can write a story. Lincoln would love to make these

granny cars, so he was always doing these little stories. He had this,

I guess it was like a raccoon that he would draw all the time and

had a big tail or a beaver. It was a beaver. And, you know, he'd

have he he has the comic books that he wrote with his beaver.

You can, of course, build Legos, play Barbies, play dolls, start a

club, memorize something, have friends over, go for a

nature walk. There's lots and lots of things to do

besides watch stuff on your iPad. There's

so many beautiful things to do. Go to the park, go in a jungle

gym, play you know, the floor is lava, get a water

a balloon. Don't let the balloon hit the hit the ground. Oh my just

freeze tag statue. There's just so many things. Hide and seek. I mean,

you guys, you were a kid. Like, you know, you know.

Okay. So, of course, you might be worried

that your kids are gonna have a big feeling cycle and that

you, you know, because they won't get what they want and that's gonna be hard

for you. That makes sense. And

when you trust that you're doing this for a good reason and that you stay

committed, you can have compassion for your child without

changing the circumstance for them. So, of course, your kids are

gonna be upset. They're losing something that they love for a while

and they might feel grief and sadness and be

annoyed and mourn it. I I promise it doesn't last for very long. The

brain moves on. So you might be

worried that you're gonna lose all of your break, all of your time

off. And it might be a little bit more intentional for

a short period of time, but teaching your children how to deal

with frustration, how to be told no, how to deal with

boredom, that has long term benefits

to you. So this might be short term more work, but long

term, it does pay off.

So a few other tips that I wanted to offer to you is that

you can recruit a friend to do this with you. That's

how I did my screen free resets in the summer is

that I had a very good friend. We raised kids alongside of each other. She

had 3 boys. I had 2 boys, and they live near me. So

we hung out all the time. So we did screen free reset together.

And, it was great because the kids

could play with each other, but also they could bond over how

terrible of parents we were. And they my

boys and the the friend groups, they made

up jokes about doctor Dunkley. That was Victoria

Dunkley, the person who wrote the book, and she became I I

don't know if she'll ever listen to this, but she became, like, sort of their

enemy number 1, and they would just, like, be like, ah, doctor

Dunkley. Oh, they'd be so mad at her all the time, and it

kinda bonded them and they could laugh about it. And

but then they also had someone to play with, someone who was going

through the same thing and they had to be creative together. So find a friend

if you can do that with them. Get help your

kids get started on something, like, get them going on an activity and then let

them do it on their own. So they're really kind of you guys wanna build

a bill a fort, and you kind of put some things out and you sort

of start and then go ahead and drift away. Oh, I'll come right back. I'm

gonna go, you know, start start dinner. I've gotta thaw the meat

or, you know, I'm gonna, you know, go you don't wanna be like, I'm gonna

go read a magazine. You can, but you don't need to tell them that.

Go give a little task for yourself, and then come back

and check on them and, you know, give some space.

So they get practice doing these things on their own. And then if you

give up or you give in, don't worry about it. Don't judge yourself.

Just like, well, that was a shit show. Okay. Like, woo.

I was not ready for that. Okay. No problem. Maybe you wanna limit some

screens, put some limits around screen time,

stronger boundaries, and then try again in a couple of weeks or whenever you're

ready. The last tip I have for you is, of course,

Molly Defranck's book, Digital Detox. Highly recommend

that. And then I was poking around on her website, and she's got a

ton of tips and strategies of how to do

digital detoxes and, you know, different resources, a bunch

of, screen free activities on there and

all of that. So, you know, I I would I would hang out on our

website while you're doing this so you get that support. And then, of

course, if you want support and you wanna do this,

and you are, like, not sure, you can join the Com Mama Club.

It's $30 a month. You cancel anytime and

start coming to group coaching, and you can just raise your hand and ask questions.

We meet on Tuesdays for our coaching at 9:30 Pacific.

We meet for about an hour. And, typically, people who wanna get

coached, you know, they they they raise their hand and there's time. So I'm

happy to help support you. You can join the club directly on my website,

com mama coaching.com, or you can reach out and do a consultation with me.

It's 25 minutes, free consultation where I talk you through

it, can answer some questions, give you some hope, tell you a little bit about

the club. And if you wanna work with me on this project of digital

detox, happy to do that with you as well. So,

anyway, lots of resources, and I just wanna leave you

with the idea that you can

decrease the amount of entertainment, digital

entertainment your children have access to and that they will be

better off for it. So I'm wishing you

great summer memories. We're midsummer right now, and I just hope you're

having a good one. And then the next couple weeks, I'll talk more

about how to make the best of your summer as we kinda wrap it

up and some problem solving for summer drama,

things like that. So, anyway, I hope you have enjoyed the last

4 episodes all about kind of creating a

screen free screen screen free mindset

and how, you know, how to create more opportunities for it gets to

play and how to kind of manage the screen

demon that, you know, all of our children are attracted

to. That might be too strong of language, but, you know, it

does sometimes feel like it takes hold of our families, and

we lose power and and, agency

over digital devices and it can feel out of control. And I just wanna leave

you with the fact that you're actually the parent. You can say no at any

time to anything, and that's your prerogative. And it's in the

best interest of your kids. Okay. I hope you have a great

week, mamas, and I will talk to you next time.