Being single and celibate as a Christian woman isn’t punishment—it’s preparation. In this episode, I share my personal journey of Christian singleness, how God used seasons of waiting to heal my broken view of love, and why celibacy became an act of faith and discipleship.

Together we’ll explore what it means to trust God’s timing, discover purpose in waiting, and find true intimacy with Jesus. If you’ve wrestled with loneliness, longing, or discouragement in your singleness, this message will remind you that God’s plan is always rooted in love and preparation for something greater.

If today’s message encouraged your heart, please share it with a friend and follow Born to be a Butterfly so you’ll never miss an episode.

📖 Want to go deeper into my story of healing and transformation? Get my book From Broken to Butterfly—available now on Amazon!

📩 I’d love to hear from you! Send me a DM on Instagram @born_to_be_a_butterfly or email me at ninapajonas@gmail.com.

Born to be a Butterfly © 2025 Nina Pajonas. All rights reserved. The content of this podcast is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. For the full disclaimer, visit ninapajonas.com.

Since childhood, I always dreamed of the day that I would get married.

I was a hopeless romantic, and truth be told, I still am.

I wanted a man to love,

one that I could love with all of me. I longed for a man who would love me completely.

It's hard to say this, but I was responsible for the death of my dream.

There was no way I could have had the relationship I imagined with all the broken concepts I had of love and of self.

For all those years, I had no idea what love truly was. I didn't know what it felt like or how it behaved. And that isn't meant to be an affront to anyone else.

It's simply a spiritual statement of fact about myself.

It was reflected in who I was,

who I chose, and what I did.

When I finally got sober, I thought that would be one of the first blessings that the Lord would bestow upon me. When it wasn't, it upset me greatly because I felt that I deserved that type of love,

especially after waiting so many years.

I didn't expect to be single and celibate for this long, but it appears that God had other plans for me.

Welcome to Born to Be a Butterfly, where we seek healing and growth in Christ to experience true transformation.

My name is Nina Pajonas and today's episode is Single and my journey with Jesus.

I was on social media the other day and I saw a video from the podcast Hardly Initiated.

They never said how long that season can be because quite frankly, only God knows that.

But I'm here to tell you that for me it's been many seasons. In my case, it's been over a decade.

What Pastor Philip Anthony Mitchell said in the video was very powerful and impactful because it was truthful. He didn't try to sugarcoat the fact that being celibate requires great discipline, and I really appreciated his honesty and transparency about the subject.

Today I wanted to discuss it from my point of view, the female perspective, because I've been single and celibate for quite some time now and I thought I should discuss why I walked this road and what it entails.

I'll begin by saying that it's an extremely difficult journey,

but I do believe that it's been a very necessary part of my walk with the Lord.

God knew I had deep broken concepts of love and identity that needed to be healed.

Initially,

I chose celibacy because my ex boyfriend nearly killed me.

That happened while I was still drinking and actively struggling with alcoholism.

I realized that my judgment was really impaired and that I couldn't trust myself.

I told myself, nina, if you get involved with another man,

something worse might happen and you might not survive it.

So I chose celibacy out of self preservation.

About six years later, I got sober and I was reborn in Christ.

This has been an entirely different journey, because my new season of celibacy isn't about fear, it's about faith.

There's a world of difference between the two.

One was rooted in trauma and the other is rooted in trust.

Trust in God, trust in his timing,

trust in his will for my life.

Even if it doesn't align with what I want.

It's death to self and life in Christ.

During my walk with the Lord, I came to discover that I had much more to give to God and so much more to give up for God.

And Romans 12, verse 1 speaks right to that.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice,

holy and pleasing to God. This is your true and proper worship. When I honor my body, I honor the Lord.

The Holy Spirit has gently shifted my perspective over the years.

I no longer see my body as mine alone. I am his workmanship, created with purpose, and I'm now a dwelling place for his spirit. My body is not just skin and bone.

It's shaped by the hands of my Creator who lives within me.

I also had to unlearn the broken ideas that I carried for so long.

What I once believed love looked like doesn't compare to what I now know love to be in Christ.

Seven years with Jesus has taught me more than I could have ever imagined,

and he has done a deep work in me.

I now understand that the waiting is preparation.

God can't give me the love I desire until I become the woman he designed me to be.

He had a vision for me from the beginning, just like he has for you.

Every one of us has a divine purpose and a specific plan written by God's hand.

I had to let go of who I was to become who God created me to be.

That meant unlearning 44 years of dysfunction and to heal from all of those deep traumas.

During the last seven years, the Lord has also placed a calling on my life to minister to other women, which comes with a great responsibility.

It requires sacrifice, dedication and discipline. And those aren't learned overnight.

That's why it's called long suffering.

That's why it's called perseverance.

Speaker B: God revealed something to me not too.

Speaker A: Long ago, and it shifted the way I see my walk of singleness and celibacy. So I want to share it with you.

Speaker B: I was praying to the Lord, wrestling.

Speaker A: With the weight of what it feels like to stay celibate. The loneliness, the constant surrender.

Speaker B: I can't tell you how many times I said to the Lord, I think I'm ready now. Pretty sure it's been long enough.

Where's my future husband that you've been preparing for me during all this time?

Speaker A: Where is He?

Speaker B: I've asked him so many times,

and sometimes God is silent and we just have to accept that we're not going to get the answers we want yet or ever.

I had to make peace with that. I write about it in my book, as a matter of fact, because I struggled with it so much.

The thought that maybe my dream would.

Speaker A: Never come true, that I'll never find.

Speaker B: The man that I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

Trust me,

it upset me thinking that maybe that was not going to be part of my story.

But I turned that over to God, and I realized that as a child of Christ,

my story is not my own. I don't get to write my story,

not if I'm walking faithfully with him. Not if I'm walking in his will. He gets to write my story if I'm allowing Him to author it. If I'm handing over the pen and I'm saying, lord, nothing is more important than you.

Nothing will come before you.

I will not love anybody or anything more than you, Lord.

I will do what it is you want me to do.

I will go where it is you want me to go.

Speaker A: I will say what it is you.

Speaker B: Want me to say.

And if my dream never comes true,

I'm not going to stop loving you. I'm not going to stop following you.

You will always be the most important thing in my life.

I will not stop praising youg, I will not stop worshiping youg.

If I don't get my way.

I finally had that conversation with the Lord.

I had it during the pandemic, as a matter of fact,

and it wasn't easy for me to come to that point. I can assure you that I cried many tears, thinking,

well, what if it never happens?

What if I just never get that dream that I've always wanted? What if I never have the love to end all loves, right? You know, the person to spend the rest of my days with?

What if it doesn't happen and I've.

Speaker A: Had To decide that that's okay, that.

Speaker B: My love for the Lord far exceeds.

Speaker A: The love that I have for the.

Speaker B: Dream that I wanted to live.

Because, truth be told,

even if I do get married, and I believe that God does have a man for me because he has given me that impression,

even if I'm married, that man is not going to come before the Lord.

That's the truth of the matter.

So why would I put a man that I have not met yet who technically I don't know will ever come before my Lord and my Savior?

Why would I diminish my relationship with the Lord or tarnish it by telling him, well, if that doesn't come true, if that dream doesn't happen for me, then you don't really love me, Lord, and I'm going to withhold myself from you.

And I'm not going to want to have relationship with you.

I never want to do that again.

I made that mistake once. I made it when I was 17 years old and my mother died.

And I said, you took my mother and I want nothing to do with you. And I was miserable.

I was on my own from 17 till 44.

I ran from him. I was angry with him.

I was angry at life. I was angry at myself. I was so broken.

I needed my savior and I turned away because I didn't like the way things worked out.

So I will not make that mistake again.

It cost me way too much.

It cost me so many years of my life.

It cost me my mental health. It cost me my physical health. It cost me relationships.

Speaker A: It cost me so much.

Speaker B: Much more than I could talk about right now.

I don't want to ever do that again.

So that's why I surrender those needs to God.

That's why I tell him that no matter what happens,

I will keep following him faithfully because I love him that much.

And loving God the way we're supposed.

Speaker A: To is supposed to be sacrificial.

Speaker B: He sacrificed every. Everything for us.

Everything.

How could I say, if I don't get this one thing that I want in my life, how do I have the right or the audacity to say that I'll take myself away from him?

Speaker A: I almost did, though.

Speaker B: I almost did. It was during the pandemic and I.

Speaker A: Was just so bitter.

Speaker B: I was getting so bitter that I was still single. And I just didn't understand. And I just.

I got disillusioned and I was telling God, I don't know if I'm gonna even wanna stay sober if you don't give me the man that I love. It was like, if I was threatening him, like, I'm gonna take that away from you.

I'm gonna take myself away from you. Again. I was.

Speaker A: I can't even begin to tell you.

Speaker B: How ashamed I am that I had that moment with him.

Speaker A: But I did.

Speaker B: And I heard the Lord say to me, am I not enough for you? Would you throw away your life that.

Speaker A: I gave back to you?

Speaker B: Because the Lord saved my life. I was going to kill myself at the end of my addiction journey.

Speaker A: Yes, I was.

Speaker B: And he stopped me with a phone call from a woman who I hadn't heard from in months. It was not a coincidence.

He came to me in my darkest hour, after all those years, and he saved me. And I owe him everything.

And yet, I was going to allow myself to be bitter about it. And I was going to tell him, ah, I might not stay sober. I'll show you a thing or two.

Really,

who was I going to show a thing or two to?

The God of the universe are. I mean, the ridiculousness of it, the immaturity of it, the audacity of it,

boggles my mind when I think about it. Now,

in my defense,

I'm going to defend myself a little bit. I really shouldn't, but I'll. I'm human. I'll defend myself a bit. I was only a few years into my walk with him.

I was still really young in recovery and on my walk with Jesus. And I was.

Yeah, I was just very immature. But when God spoke to me that day and he said what he said to me, it changed my life forever.

I broke down crying because I was so ashamed of what I was thinking and what I was saying to him. Like, I was just mortified.

But our God is gracious, and he forgave me. He forgave me.

He covered my sin with his blood, as usual. He showed mercy for my soul again.

And he unloaded his grace on that situation and on my feelings.

So if you're wondering how I got here,

that's how.

It's about loyalty to the Lord,

not to the things of this world.

I don't think I could show him my love any better or any more than when I'm obedient and when I'm loyal to him,

When I make it abundantly clear to my Savior that He is the most important thing in my life.

That's how I honor him. But I honor him with action. I just don't honor him with words.

And obedience requires discipline.

You know, God revealed something to me not too Long ago. And it shifted the way that I see my walk of singleness and celibacy.

Speaker A: So I want to share it with you.

Speaker B: He showed me the words disciple and discipline.

And if you write them down on paper like I did, you'll see that they look nearly identical. And that's when it hit disciple discipline.

They share more than just letters.

Speaker A: They share purpose.

Speaker B: A disciple is a student, a follower, someone who learns by watching, walking with, and becoming more like their teacher. And discipline is the process that shapes the disciple.

Discipline is the training ground where disciples are made.

Celibacy isn't just a rule that we follow.

It's a refining fire.

It's a daily invitation to become more like Christ.

We're choosing to be trained.

We're choosing to become true disciples. And yes,

sometimes that training involves waiting and wrestling with the weight of our emotions and even tears.

But every act of surrender builds something eternal in us.

This scripture reshaped how I saw my journey not as punishment, but as preparation.

Hebrews 12, 7, 8, 11 NIV endure hardship as discipline.

God is treating you as his children.

For what? Children are not disciplined by their father.

If you are not disciplined and everyone undergoes discipline, then you are not legitimate,

not true sons and daughters at all.

No. Discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful later on. However,

it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

The Holy Spirit has worked on me.

Speaker A: Over the years miraculously.

Speaker B: But growth is a gradual process.

Consistency in Christ is crucial. Otherwise we become complacent.

Transformation happens over a series of seasons. When we commit ourselves fully to Christ, we will continue to be transformed until we go home to be with him. It's a constant holy shift in God's direction, and over time it changes everything.

I can't help but think about a Mariah Carey song from my childhood. It's one of my favorites, and it's called Love Takes Time.

The first line of the chorus is,

love takes time to heal when you're hurting so much.

Speaker A: That's the truth.

Speaker B: Healing takes time and love. Real love comes after the healing.

I've been a wounded woman in a relationship with someone else, and I bled all over him. That wasn't fair to him and it wasn't fair to me.

I also discussed that in my book. I shared three different relationships that deeply impacted me.

Speaker A: I wrote about them because I believe.

Speaker B: That the lessons I learned within them can help other women.

I want to spare my sisters in Christ the pain and trauma I endured if I can.

I understand that some lessons have to be lived. But others can be learned through testimony.

And I believe that is why God wanted me to share mine with the world.

The truth is, not every woman will need as long as I have. Your healing might come a lot quicker. Maybe you don't have to unlearn as much as I did.

But whatever your timeline looks like, know if God has you in the single trenches,

he is right there with you.

We often focus so much on finding the right man that we forget to ask,

will he love me well? Will he act honorably towards me? Will he respect me and my boundaries?

We also need to ask ourselves, do I see myself the way that God sees me?

Do I fully comprehend my worth in Christ?

Because until we do, we'll continue to attract what harms us. And God loves us too much to allow that. So he says no. He protects us from what we think we want until we're ready for what he knows we need.

His process is kind,

it's patient and transformational.

It might take longer than we want.

Speaker A: But what the Lord gives us will.

Speaker B: Be far better than anything we've ever dreamed of.

So when you feel like giving up, when you're tempted to throw away the standard and settle,

remember you're not just resisting sin, you're being formed as a disciple.

Discipline isn't rejection, it's preparation.

You're not being punished, you're being positioned.

Now, I'd like to ask you a few questions, and my suggestion is that you meditate on these after the episode. Invite the Lord in when you're meditating on these questions.

Have you fully surrendered your dreams of love and partnership to God's will and timing?

What areas of your past relationships or beliefs about love might God be inviting you to unlearn or heal from?

Are you seeking wholeness in Jesus first,

or are you hoping another person will complete you? And here's a hint on that one only God can complete you.

One last question.

Can you trust that even in prolonged singleness and celibacy that God is still writing a beautiful story for your life?

Speaker A: Let's pray.

Speaker B: Heavenly Father,

thank you for seeing more in us than we often see in ourselves.

When the road of obedience feels lonely, remind us that we are never walking it alone.

You are right beside us, our teacher, our guide,

our comforter.

Help us to embrace this season not as punishment, but as preparation.

Help us to see singleness not as a void, but as a vineyard where intimacy with you can flourish.

Make us disciples, Lord, not just in name, but in how we live, love and wait. In Jesus name. Amen if today's message spoke to you, please share it with a friend and follow Born to Be a Butterfly so that you never miss an episode.

If you'd like to learn more about my journey of healing and transformation, you can get my book From Broken to Butterfly on Amazon. If you have any questions or want to connect, send me a DM on Instagram Born to Be a Butterfly, or email me at ninapajonas@gmail.com. Until next time, remember,

the Lord can turn your wounds into wings. You were born to be a butterfly.

It.