We all just want to be loved and appreciated for who we are. Saying 'I Love You' can be the most appreciated words for people to hear. Join Dr John Demartini and discover the transformational power of love and the importance of saying, ‘I Love You’ to those around you including to yourself.

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You want to be loved for who you are,

who you are is an expression of the most authentic you.

I'm going to talk about the importance of saying, 'I love you'. For many,

many years now, for 30 something years,

I have been teaching a program called the Breakthrough Experience.

And in that Breakthrough Experience, I ask a simple question;

If you had only 24 hours to live, what would you do with your life?

And for many years, I would ask people that question,

have them write down what they actually would do.

And consistently in every country in the world that I've presented this,

people write down they would go to the individuals that have contributed to

their life, usually family members or closest to people, and say, 'thank you,

I love you'. And then I would ask them, I said,

'Since you don't know when your last 24 hours is, what are you waiting for?'

You know,

I think every human being wants to be loved and appreciated for who they are.

And I don't think of anybody that I know of that doesn't appreciate being told

'I love you' when it's really sincerely and really meant from the heart.

It means a lot.

You want to be loved from the people that you've contributed your life to,

and people who contribute their life to you, and you want to love yourself.

So what's interesting is what stops that, what is it that makes us not do that,

or be afraid to do that or whatever? And that's some judgments.

It was Empedocles,

the Greek philosopher who said that there's love and strife in the universe.

He said those are the two forces of the universe. One's integrative love.

One's disintegrative strife.

One is where we have an unconditional love and we just present with somebody.

And the other is when we're judging somebody.

I always said from many of my seminars,

that at the level of the essence of the soul, the state of unconditional love,

nothing's missing, we have fulfillment.

At the level of the existence of the senses, things appear to be missing,

when we judge. And the things that appear to be missing that makes us judge,

is when we're too proud or too humble to admit what we see in others,

inside ourselves.

If we look up to somebody and minimize ourselves and are too humble to admit

what we see in them inside us, we'll play small and build them up,

and we'll have a disowned part.

We won't see eye to eye with reflective awareness. We'll minimize ourselves,

exaggerate them and disown that part. And therefore there's an emptiness,

an unfulfillment.

And if we exaggerate ourselves and look down on somebody and resent them

and puff ourselves up, we're too proud to admit what we see in them inside us.

Again, a disowned part.

Anytime we're too proud or too humble to admit what we see in others inside us,

we have disowned parts and those are voids of unfulfillment.

You cannot judge without having unfulfillment.

But the moment you ask a new set of questions,

whatever I perceive in them that I look up to or down on,

where do I display that behavior?

And own that and own the parts that are disowned,

where nothing's missing, and you embrace your hero and your villain,

the things you like and dislike, embrace all parts of yourself.

Because if you're trying to get rid of half of yourself,

how are you going to love yourself? But embrace all parts of yourself.

You now feel fulfilled.

And when you have a balanced orientation and you're eye to eye with somebody and

you're not looking down on them or looking up at them, but looking across them,

you have a caring relationship made out of love.

I've defined love as the synthesis and synchronicity of

opposites.

So when we're too humble or too proud to admit what we see in others inside us,

we disown the parts. But when we're not too proud or too humble,

we're just being authentic, our true self, we love the parts,

we embrace the parts. It's interesting that we go around and we say,

we want to be loved for who we are and appreciate who we are.

And I've asked millions of people that question,

how many of you want to be loved and appreciated for you are?

Every hand goes up.

Yet how you going to be loved for who you are if you're not being who you are?

Whenever you're exaggerating yourself and looking down on somebody or minimizing

yourself, looking up somebody, you're not being yourself.

You're too proud or too humble and you've got disowned parts.

And those disowned parts keep you from having intimacy.

Intimacy is a perfect reflective awareness, that

you see in you,

you own all your parts and you're in an unconditional love state.

You're now at the level of the soul, the authentic you, if you will,

the inspired you. What's interesting, you know,

I rarely ever do presentation without talking about values.

You have a hierarchy of values, a set of priorities you live your life by,

things that are most important to least important.

Whenever you're living by the highest priorities, the most important values,

the thing that's really important to you in your life,

your blood glucose and oxygen goes into the forebrain,

wakes up the executive center and allows you to be objective and objectivity

means neutral, non subjectively biased with judgment.

And in that state,

you have the highest probability of actually being

the executive center is also called the gratitude center.

So every moment you live by highest priorities,

the highest priority actions in life,

you increase the probability of having more love, in yourself.

You're more resilient and adaptable, more graced, more grateful.

And you're more likely to say, 'I love you', to not only yourself,

but to others.

But if you're puffing yourself up with pride and you're down with shame and

you've got disowned parts, and you then go into the lower value systems,

you go into your amygdala, you're going to avoid pain and seek pleasure,

you go into judgment, you go into survival, not thrival.

And in this survival mode, you're not likely to be saying, I love you.

You're going to be likely to want to change you relative to others,

which is futile, or changing you to others or others to you.

See when you look down on people, you want them to be more like you.

When you look up to people, you want to be more like them.

And anytime you're trying to be somebody other than yourself,

or trying to get others to be somebody other than themselves,

you have futility and you have ingratitude. Because

When you're grateful and you feel love in your heart, there's nothing to fix,

nothing to change. Nothing's missing. You're present with people.

And that's magical, that's where the magic in life is.

So giving yourself permission to actually be present and inspired

by what's really important to you in your life is crucial.

So what's interesting is going through there and asking yourself a new set of

questions. If I meet somebody,

what exactly is it that I admire about them and ask yourself,

what specific trait action or inaction do you perceive this individual

displaying or demonstrating that you admire the most? Or if you resent them,

what specific trait action or inaction do you perceive this individual

displaying or demonstrating that you resent most?

And first identify what it is that you think they have,

that you are too humble or do proud to admit you have. Then ask the question,

go to a moment,

where and when you perceived yourself displaying or demonstrating that same or

similar specific trait action or inaction that you admired or despised in

them, and own that, and look at where you've done it, when you've done it,

who you've done it to, who perceives you that way and own those traits.

In my program, the Breakthrough Experience, where I teach

which those are two of the questions that we ask in it.

I teach people how to be able to love and appreciate themselves,

how to love and appreciate others and how to do what they love and love what

they do so they're inspired by their life,

living by priority and doing something extraordinary with their life,

contributing resiliently, adaptively with objectivity, not subjective biases.

It's the subjective biases of survival that makes us go into the amygdala,

which allows us to sit there and judge, for immediate quick responses,

because we're in survival and threat. We're not in love.

And Empedocles knew that love vs strife,

and we're in strife when we're living by lower values.

We're in love when we're doing what we love and loving what we do,

what's highest on our priority.

So that's why I take the time to make sure I go through and identify what's

really, really, really, really important.

On my website there's a value determination, Demartini

If you haven't taken the time to go through there and do that,

go and do the value determination process,

assess what it is that's really demonstrated in your

you.

Start living by the highest priority actions so you can

objectivity and more adaptability and where you're more likely to be able to

appreciate the people around you and yourself. You know,

when you do the highest priority things and felt like you had a powerful day

where you on top of the world and you've got everything done that was really

important, you're way more loving when you come home.

But when you feel like you're putting out fires and doing everything that was

coming down at you from the outside,

because you haven't mastered from within the priorities for the day,

and haven't stuck to the priorities,

you automatically feel like a bear when you come home and you'll download it and

you'll have more strife. So that's why values are important.

That's why going and learning the Demartini Method at the Breakthrough

Experience is so important to help you have more appreciation and love in your

life. And one thing that's interesting is,

if you can see your spouse or your mate, or your partner,

or your kids or people at work or social friends,

if you can't see what they're dedicated to, what's their highest value,

what's most important in their life,

how does it help you fulfill what's important to you,

you're going to want to fix them and change them.

And if you can't see what you're dedicated to is going to help them fulfill what

they want in life and you're looking and putting them up on a pedestal,

you're going to want to change you.

And anytime you're wanting to change them or change you,

you have that futility instead of,

and every time you want to just appreciate them and love them for who they are,

you have utility and you have reflective awareness and you have intimacy,

and true intimacy and true reflective awareness is very,

very powerful in your expression of the mastery of

life. So give yourself permission to do some extraordinary by paying

close attention to what you value and what other people value most.

Do the value determination process to make the links and come to the

Breakthrough Experience,

to make sure that you actually know how to dissolve the emotional baggage,

see with reflective awareness and own what you see in others. You know,

it was Plato that said that all learning is recollection.

You're recollecting the disowned parts in your life and re-owning them and

realizing at the level of soul nothing's missing in you.

I'm so inspired by the idea that people can actually change their life by

changing their priorities and changing their reflections.

The quality of your life is based on the quality of the questions you ask in

life. If you ask amazing questions,

how specifically is whatever's happening in your life,

helping you fulfill what your highest value is,

you're going to have more love and appreciation in life.

And just think about it, if you did that and actually sat down,

live by priority and did the reflective experience by asking where do you do

what you see in them, you won't be sitting there judging them,

you'll be instead of pointing your finger at them,

you'll be realizing that there are three pointing back at you, it's you.

In fact,

we found out in psychology that we only resent things in other people that

remind us of things we feel ashamed of that we're too proud to admit we have.

And we only admire things in other people that we're too humble to admit we

have, but we actually have, but we're too humble to admit it.

So there's nothing out there in the outer world that you can see out there that

you can't see inside you.

I went many years ago through an Oxford dictionary and I went through

4,628 different individual traits that a human being can display.

And I found everyone of them in my life.

When I realized that I had everything I see in other people,

the buttons of disowned parts are lessened.

The reason why we have buttons when people do things that hook us for pleasures

or pains and impulses and instincts, and put us back in our amygdala,

is because we have disowned parts.

We're too proud or too humble to admit we have those things that we see in other

people. But reflective awareness and owning the parts,

allows us to have intimacy and love. You want to be loved for who you are,

who you are is an expression of the most authentic you.

When you're proud or shamed, you're exaggerating or minimizing,

or too proud or too humble to admit what you see in others inside you,

you're not going to be yourself, you're not going to have love for yourself.

You're going to be too busy judging and being in strife, instead an emptiness,

instead of fulfillment. Again,

at the level of the essence of the soul nothing's missing in you,

all your parts are owned. You're the hero and the villain,

the saint and the sinner, the virtue and the vice, all in one.

I learned a long time ago I don't need to get rid of any part of myself to love

myself, or I don't need to gain some part of myself.

Many times you think there's something missing in you, but it's not.

It's in a form you haven't honored. That's why in the Breakthrough Experience,

I show people how to discover where that is so they're not missing things.

Because if you're coming from a state of lack,

instead of abundance of your own love for yourself,

then you're going to see the world in a sense of something you need to fix and

change all the time, instead of something to love. So,

there's nothing harmful in saying, 'thank you, I love you.' Again,

if you had only 24 hours to live,

you'd get past the trivial judgements and you get onto what's really priority,

and that is, 'Thank you. I love you.' And when you do,

you end up having a pretty tremendous response.

When you actually go up to people, in the Breakthrough Experience,

I've taken thousands,

literally hundreds of thousands of people through the process of the Demartini

Method.

And have them gone in there and own all the traits and level out the playing

field and ask questions that's reflective in nature.

And there's tears of gratitude at the end. There's authenticity at the end.

There's presence at the end. And there's power.

And I'm a firm believer that if we go and do what we love and love what we do

every day and do it with the people that we love,

we have a more fulfilling life than if we're sitting there taking the time

judging.

Anytime you compare your current reality to fantasies about how it 'should be',

you're going to have nightmares as a life.

But when you actually love things as they are, they turn into who you love.

When you love people for who they are, they turn into who you love.

And that includes your children, your family, your spouse, your partner,

the people that are social circles,

and maybe even the people you work with our customers. So say on a daily basis,

'Thank you. I love you.' Again If you had only 24 hours to live,

that's what you'd be doing. And we don't know when our last 24 hours is,

so what are we waiting for?

I wanted to take a few moments today to just talk about how important it is to

say, 'thank you.

I love you.' And just know that that word could have a ringing effect on the

people you touch. And I know that in my life, my mom,

I'll share a little story here. When I was 18 years old,

I ended up trying to go back to school and I failed my first test in college.

And I was really distraught because I really wanted to be able to go and be a

teacher and philosopher and travel the world and do what I do.

But when I failed my first test, I got a 27 and I needed a 72 to pass.

I came home crying.

I curled up in a fetal position inside my living room at my parents' house.

And my mom found me in the living room crying because I was really distraught.

I was just thinking,

'I guess I don't have what it takes.' I was told in first grade,

I would never be able to read or write, never amount to anything,

never go very far, not communicate effectively.

And all of a sudden when I failed my test,

I could hear my first grade teacher talking. And when she came in,

my mom came in there and saw me there, she said, 'Son, what happened?' I said,

'I blew the test. I failed. I guess I don't have what it takes.' And she said,

'Son,

whether you become a great teacher and philosopher and travel the world like you

do, or whether you return to Hawaii and ride giant waves like you've done,

or return to the streets and panhandle like you've done,

I just want to let you know that your father and I are going to love you no

matter what you do.' When my mom said that, my hand went into a fist,

I looked up and I saw the vision that I had when I was 17 years old when I met

Paul Bragg and I saw that vision,

and I said to myself with a fist, I said,

'I'm going to master this thing called reading, studying and learning.

I'm going to master this thing called teaching, healing and philosophy.

And I'm going to do whatever it takes, travel whatever distance,

pay whatever price, to give my service of love.

I'm not going to let any human being stop me on the face of the earth.

Not even myself'. I got up and I hugged my mom. I thanked her.

I felt love from her, an unconditional love from my mom.

And I went in my room and I started reading the dictionary and grew my

vocabulary enough to where I could read and eventually study and learn enough to

pass school.

And I went on to be a scholar and I went on to live my dreams and do what I love

in life. And that's the power of saying, 'Thank you. I love you'.

When my mom said, 'no matter what we're going to love you',

she gave me one of the greatest gifts a human being can give somebody,

and that is, 'Thank you. I love you.' So just in case you haven't heard it,

go stand in front of the mirror and say, 'No matter what I've done or not done,

I'm worthy of love. Thank you.

I love you.' And maybe go home and find somebody that you haven't said that to

and think about the people that have contributed to your life,

make a list of them.

Go make a very big list of it and to go have some reflective awareness and

transcend the triviality of any judgments of superiority or inferiority.

And just say, 'Thank you. I love you' and see what happens.

It might just blow your mind. You'll get a reciprocal effect back,

and it just might open up the doorways of opportunity for you in the future.

So I just wanted to take a few moments to give you a little bit of a catalyst to

say, 'I love you' on a daily basis and keep a record of it,

keep a list of all the things you're thankful for, and that you say,

I love you to,

make a list of those people and think about the people you may have not said it

to because you don't know when your last 24 hours is.

And to supplement that I have a free masterclass called Balancing Your Emotions

For Greater Achievement. Take advantage of this free masterclass,

because it's basically how to balance your emotions. See,

loves a synthesis and synchronicity of complimentary opposites.

It's a balanced state. The polarized emotions of elation,

depression, infatuation, resentment, admire, despise,

when you join them together at the same time and embrace both sides of yourself

and life, your life and the people around you, you get to say, 'Thank you.

I love you'.

And what a great list to do and keep a record of on a daily basis.

This is Dr. Demartini.

Just wanted to take a moment to talk about the importance of saying, 'Thank you.

I love you.' And give you some tips on how you can do that.

And please take advantage of this masterclass and

Experience. So I can show you how to do the method.

So you can find that anything that's ever happened in your life is on the way

not in the way, so you have more to be grateful for and more to say, 'Thank you.