She loves moms, and she loves helping them navigate all the twists and turns. So join me as I talk to Danielle.

Danielle: Hi, I am Danielle. I started my page living full, when I was going through a two decade battle with eating disorders. I ended up in the hospital with a seizure. And during my recovery, I wanted other people to feel less alone too. So I started living full. And then when I had kids, I, I started talking about motherhood.

And now I talk about my two passions, which is mental health and motherhood, and that's basically how it came to be.

Danielle: Yes. I had an eating disorder. It started in third grade, the summer going into third grade, which is wild. I struggled until I was 26 and hit rock bottom. And then I became a mom when I was 29. So I was three years in recovery.

Trish: So I, I have also had a history of an eating disorder, so I'm interested to know if you had any struggles when you were pregnant.

Oh, I, because pregnancy was a trigger for me,

Danielle: it was really hard for me. Like, seeing your body change was so hard for me, but I kept reminding myself that I had a baby. My body was doing amazing things, but after the first pregnancy, I found each pregnancy was easier because I knew what to expect.

Trish: Yeah. How many babies do you have?

I have four. Okay.

Danielle: Okay.

Danielle: like big time.

Me too. Me too. Yeah, because it's hard 'cause you have the baby out and you still look like you're five months pregnant.

Trish: Yeah. Yeah.

Danielle: So that's super hard. I actually relapsed after my second daughter. But I, I realized that I was relapsing, actually, my mom brought it to my attention. She was like, sad that you're not taking care of yourself.

And I was like, you know what? You're right. This is not okay. Yeah. And I went back on path.

Trish: Okay. And what did, what did relapsing look like for you?

Danielle: It just looked like skipping meals. It was all of a sudden, like my second daughter was in the NICU and. I was running back and forth and I would like miss lunch.

And then when she finally came home, I wasn't having lunch and my mom noticed and she was like, you are not taking care of yourself. And I was mad at her. And then I was like, you know what? Like this is not okay.

But I am very much like I will get caught up in my day and not eat. Me too. I don't, me too. I don't think about eating, which my husband cannot fathom because that's all he thinks about. But he will, he'll check in and be like, did you eat lunch? Did you have breakfast? Did you do this? But I compromise. So like I'll have a protein shake for breakfast 'cause I don't like to eat, like I'm not a big eater.

Danielle: I'm just, you know what? I get wrapped. It's my personality too. I get wrapped up in the day and I don't think about myself and I don't think about feeding myself. But now, like, since I've, it's important, had kids and they're watching, so yeah. So now I like make it a point to eat.

Trish: Yeah. Okay. So tell us about your, your transition into motherhood and mental health and how you've combined those passions.

Danielle: At this point it's more motherhood and talking about, 'cause I'm so in motherhood. Yeah. I'm, I'm nine years in and, four babies in and it's, it's become more motherhood based.

But I do talk about the mental health battles that mothers face.

Trish: Yeah. So how old are your babies? Tell me that first.

Danielle: So I have a 9-year-old, a 7-year-old, a 5-year-old, and a. Almost 3-year-old.

Trish: She's turning. Okay, so she's turning three

Danielle: in like

Trish: a week? Almost. Almost every two years we have a baby. Yes. Okay.

All right, so let's talk about some of the struggles, like the, the motherhood, mental struggles that you feel like people maybe come to you a lot with or you see as really predominant. Let's cover a couple of those.

Danielle: So I feel like postpartum a lot of people have issues, especially with their body image and trying to find themselves.

Trish: like there's always something. Well, I feel like for postpartum, because I, I have my pregnancy and postpartum membership, so I spend a lot of time with these moms in that first year to two years.

And I think one of the biggest struggles that I see besides the obvious lack of sleep and you know, is this identity shift. Mm-hmm. And a lot of times. Your friend group or your coworkers are not on that same path with you. So now where maybe you used to go out to dinner with your coworkers or have a drink after work, and now you're not a part of that bubble because you gotta go home or you have to pump, or during lunch you're pumping or whatever.

Danielle: No, you don't. And then all of a sudden you're, you're so-and-so's mom instead of yourself, and you're trying to navigate that world and it's definitely hard.

Trish: Well, and it's not just on your friend's side, because I feel like when you have a baby or you've had children and.

It's not just coming from the people who don't have children. It's coming from inside of you too. Mm-hmm. Because you're not really interested in what they're talking about anymore. You really are thinking like, oh, let me check my baby monitor. Let me, or baby ca, you know, babysitting cam, or let me show you all the baby or all of this, and you're not.

Interested in what you and your coworkers or your friends used to talk about if they're not moms? I feel like if they're moms it's a little better, but it's still not the same.

Danielle: No, it's definitely not.

Danielle: So I think my advice is that like your body is for your children. If you, if, if, like of course your body is for yourself, but if you struggle with body image and you always struggled with body image, thinking about that your body is for your children kind of makes it easier. Like your arms, like look at the amazing things they do for your child that you can like pick them up and you know, your stomach birthed.

These amazing kids and your legs are so strong and they can run after your kids. Like just thinking of them in terms of what your body can do is amazing.

Trish: Yeah, and and I think for some of you guys, I know some of you guys are like, no, I not thinking of it that way. Like this is my body. But it's still, I think what Danielle's saying is like recognizing.

And you're right, like. I, so my babies are all grown now. My youngest is 10, and enjoy those arms that aren't the way they were as you hold those babies and having those moments because they go really fast, I. Yeah. How old are your kids? So I have seven. Wow. Yeah, so my oldest is You're amazing. Yeah. My oldest is 35 and my youngest is 10.

So I had my oldest when I was really young, and my youngest when I was old is kind of my joke. And then I have every age in between. That's so

Danielle: nice. I love big families.

Your living full group? Is it more that like, 'cause I know you have like a Facebook group too, right?

Danielle: No, it's, it's more, I just, I'm a writer, so I write about motherhood and different things in motherhood. Okay. Okay. And then people will share them if they relate, or sometimes they'll get messages from people.

Well, tell

Trish: us

Danielle: about your book then.

Trish: Let's talk about that.

Danielle: Okay. So my book is called Mothers Are Made.

Trish: Yeah, that's okay. She's showing it to me. For those of you guys listening, I'm Yes, yes. They're probably like, we can't see it. We're rolling our eyes because you guys

Danielle: can't see it, but I can see

Trish: it.

Danielle: And it's basically about how mothers aren't born, that were made through time and experience and through the hard things that make us better,

Trish: Yeah, and I love, I saw on your blog that you had a section called Living Full with imperfections. That is something that as an older mom who has made so many mistakes and my children know, I've made so many mistakes. I feel like one of the most important things that we can do as moms. Is realize that we're gonna make the mistakes and give ourselves grace to do so.

Like, don't you find yourself different with baby

Danielle: four? I, I always say like I was, Vivian was lucky 'cause she had all my attention. She's my oldest and my youngest, Charlie doesn't have all my attention, but she has the best version of me. Yeah. So I'm like, you're a totally different mother with one child than you are with the last, but you definitely have to share your attention more.

Trish: Yeah. Well, I can tell you with having an adult children and then a baby, they let you know, I can't even tell you how many times my older kids like all this stuff. They complained about me. Being too strict or doing this or doing that, then they're like, you wouldn't have done that with us. You shouldn't let Grayson do that.

On the flip side, you may think, holy crap, why did I not do this? And now it matters. So I don't know if you find yourself evolving with Charlie where you didn't with your first Oh, totally evolving. Yeah. I was so much

Danielle: harder on myself with Vivian. Then with Charlie, it's like, I'm so, you know what? I really don't care what people think.

I know that if I love my children and try, I am a good mom. I just know that certain things don't make me a good mom. That society says, make you a good mom, and I think there's such a shift and you actually enjoy being a mother better.

Trish: Yeah, and it's, so one thing that you just said is like, other moms can be so hard on each other, so hard and Oh my gosh.

Danielle: disgusting.

Trish: Oh, it's awful. And why do they even take the time to be so mean? Like do you are I'm way too busy to stop and criticize someone else, you know?

Like I do that to myself enough. I don't need to do it to you. Exactly. I just think some

Danielle: people are just really unhappy and that's, yeah, it's just horrible. It's horrible. Horrible. You feel the need to do something? You have to self-reflect. Yeah. Yeah. It's just terrible. I mean, we're all doing our best and everyone does it differently and we have no reason to judge anyone else.

Trish: Well, and the people who are so harsh, I believe on social media, they would never do that in real life because they would be ashamed. Yeah. And they're

Danielle: insecure themselves. Like there's something in them that is an insecurity, like maybe they really don't believe they're a good mom, and that's why they feel like they need to put others down.

Danielle: Yes. You know what, so I write a lot of posts on social media and I get messages like, when are you writing a book?

Is this posted a book? And it wasn't. And so I kind of. Looked at all my posts and I thought a common theme is about resilience and just in my life in general, between the eating disorder, recovery and just being a mom, it's always been resilience and being able to get through things and then we really do become better and stronger.

And I realized that's why I started my page too, to empower moms and empower women. Yeah.

Trish: Yeah. No, I love that because. It, it really is so important that we are empowering each other and coming alongside and being okay with someone else, making different decisions and having a different path. Like how boring would it be if we were all exactly the same, if we all made the same choices and we were all the exact type of mom?

I don't care.

Danielle: I'm not that type of mom either. I'm not a good cook.

Trish: Well, I like to cook, but not breakfast. I am not a good breakfast. Eat. Oh, I'm not a good cook.

Danielle: I am not a good cook,

Trish: but that's okay. You don't have to to be that everything. Right. And I think that just allowing ourselves that, and also by telling my kids like, yeah, I'm not that type of mom and I'm okay with not being that type of mom.

Like it's allowing them to not have to fit a mold, don't you think? Yeah, of

Like the being born in the eighties, it was all about being perfect and that was terrible.

Trish: Yeah. I, I, I agree and I think it's so important. So what are some of your top tips that you give new moms or moms who are at the beginning of their journey and really struggling with that self-doubt and that shame, what are some tips that you would give them?

Danielle: I think to just give yourself a whole lot of grace you're learning, and also things that you think matter, don't matter. And you just, it's a whole learning process and just to be so easy on yourself.

Trish: Yeah. I, I agree. What about having community or what is, what's your take on that?

Because I know for me, when I was raising the kids and they were all young, I didn't have much time for mom community.

I did join, a mommy support group with my first child, and that was really helpful. But then we moved out of the city, New York City to New Jersey, and it was a little hard because, in suburbia it's a little more isolated. So I did, and then we had Covid, so it was a little more of an isolating time.

But I do find as your kids, it's interesting when your kids go to elementary school, you really start meeting more mothers. And I found, I feel like I found my people more now than back then it was a little harder.

Trish: Well, 'cause you're isolated at home.

Danielle: Yeah, you really are with little babies. Don't.

Trish: Yeah. And it's hard.

I'm not in the throes of postpartum, but when I was, it would've been really hard for me. Let's say I was at the library or I was at the park and there's another mom who has a newborn and I have a newborn and we have toddlers and your two eyes on your toddler trying to watch your newborn, trying to do all the things.

You don't have the. The capacity to have like a really deep talk about intrusive thoughts or, postpartum depression or what have you, because you're both so caught up in the now. But what I love about our online community, 'cause we meet via Zoom, three times a month, is that they can just be real and raw.

And it's a safe space where I feel like when you're in person with, some of the thoughts we have as moms, especially during postpartum, are outrageous. Like they're off the wall. Yeah, so I feel like a lot of times we'd be too embarrassed to tell, and I say this in quotes for you guys listening, our in person, real friends that we hang out with, whereas a group of people online, there's like this sense of safety, but I.

So I, I told you we like to keep our podcast episodes show short 'cause we again know these moms are super busy and super tired and overwhelmed. So I would love for you to tell everyone about where they can find your books, where they can find you, how they can connect with you.

Danielle: You can find my book at, at any bookstore.

Trish: Okay, so tell us one weird and wacky fact about you.

Danielle: How weird. Oh my God, there's too many. What is like one

Trish: thing that, just a weird Danielle thick quirk.

Danielle: I guess is that I really like warm diet Coke out of a can. Oh, that is really weird, Danielle. Oh, I'm completely, I, I

Trish: So my kids, some of my kids will drink warm soda, but I am completely opposite. I like it almost slushy.

Danielle: I like it warm. It's so weird. I dunno. But you don't

Trish: like warm beer or anything like that, do you? Are

Danielle: you? Um, I'm not a big beer drinker. Okay. But, but I'll take like, if I have wine, it's like cold usually.

Yeah. Well, it's so funny

Trish: because I am a big reader. I love reading and I'm like, I try to, me too, I try to read like fiction because I'm always listening to business books and birth stuff. And so I was reading a fiction book the other day. This is so off topic, you guys, but you know how I roll and.

She was flashing back to when she was a teenager and how they would sneak and drink warm beer. And , I had this flashback to me and my friend Heather. Heather, if you're listening, you're gonna die. We went to the beach. Well, we hid beer. I had a truck at the time and it had a cover on the back and.

Probably too. So, but so funny. Well, I'm so glad that you came here and those of you guys make sure you check out her book. It's how wait mothers are made. Am I saying it right? Yes. Okay. Yes, leathers are made and it's coming out in April, correct? So ap? Yeah. April 8th. Yeah. So you guys will probably be listening to this afterwards and I don't even know, do people really go to bookstores anymore or they just order from Amazon?

Now

Danielle: I feel like people just go to Amazon, but I like to go to a bookstore. Yeah,

Trish: I do too. I go with my

Danielle: toddler.

Trish: I love going to used bookstores, like old bookstores. We went to Spain last year and we went to, I, I didn't even think about it. It was all, you know, obviously not in English, but it was the, the most fun part of my trip was going into some of those old bookstores.

Danielle: Alright. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah,

Okay, mamas, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Birth Experience. I just want you guys to know that I see you guys. I love you guys, and I am so darn proud of you. No matter what you are telling yourself about your motherhood journey, I want you to. Stop for a moment and really think about how stinking powerful you are.

You gave birth to a human. You adopted a human. However you joined this motherhood scratch, however you joined this motherhood journey. I don't know. But what I do know is that you are incredible. I love you. I. See you. You're doing a good job. Okay, you guys hit subscribe and write a darn review, already write a review, tell me how much you love the podcast, and I'll see you again next Friday.