Alright folks, get ready to dive into the glorious mess that is B movies with us, the B Movie Boys! This time, we're laying down our totally arbitrary Schlockometer to rate the best of the worst flicks out there. Yeah, we’re talking about the kind of movies that are so bad, they’re actually kinda good. We’ll break down categories like entertainment value and technical incompetence, because let’s face it, who doesn’t love a good rubber monster? Plus, we’re giving you the scoop on our first episode where we tackle the legendary “Birdemic: Shock and Terror.” So grab your popcorn, or whatever snack you can find, and join us in celebrating the absurdity of these cinematic disasters. Trust me, it’s gonna be a wild ride!

Key takeaways:

1. We introduce ourselves, the hosts of the B Movie Boys podcast, dedicated to exploring the realm of B-movies.
2. We've got a wild scoring system called the Schlockometer, because why not make things totally arbitrary, right?
3. Our motto? Tear down the good and celebrate the bad. Because just praising stuff is a total snooze-fest.
4. Expect a mix of absurdity and hilarity as we dive into flicks that are so bad, they're actually kind of great.

Mentioned in this episode:

1. Patreon
2. The Caped Podcasters
3. Beer Me a Movie
4. Toxic Avenger
5. Birdemic: Shock and Terror
6. Velocipastor
7. Rocky Horror Picture Show
8. Reefer Madness
9. The Room

Incoming transmission. Incoming transmission. Let's boogie.

Welcome to the B movie Boys, where bad movies get the love they deserve and the respect that they don't.

I'm Dave Michaels.

And I'm Bryan Betz.

And as always, not. Joining us today is Jerry Seinfeld. Apologies. Jerry Seinfeld. Different Bee movie.

Different Bee movie. That's not what we're talking about here.

That's not it. Nothing to do with lawyer bees in the big city or Jazz or Macaulay Culkin getting his ass stung to death.

Be a very different show.

That would drastically change. Home Alone is if, like, Marv comes in with a bees nest, just kicks the shit out of it. But Macaulay Culkin looks at the camera. Oh, no, not again.

Not without his glasses.

Fuller's got his glasses. Don't give him any liquid. I'll pee the bed. How you doing, man? It's been a minute since we've, you know, done this.

Not on the Patreon.

No. We've done it like 12 times, 13 times on the Patreon in the past year since we took a break.

But now we're back. Regular podcast network catchers.

Exactly. Catching all them pods. Got an itch, needs to get scratched. And it's B movies.

The schlockiest, low budget deliciousness we could find.

We kind of have a rule that we've always had on our podcast that we've always done. So if you're just getting to know us, hello. We've had podcasts in the past where we did like 190 something episodes.

A show called The Caped Podcasters, which was just all superhero movies, superhero everything. You name it, it was that. Then we had Beer Me a movie, and that was 100 episodes. Something like that. I don't even know. 150. I don't. I. I lose count.

Kind of blends together. But that was us just kind of throwing movies at each other that we wanted to talk about and surprising each other with it.

Kind of along the way, we realized that we absolutely love B movies.

They hold a special place in our heart.

We've always had one rule that we've kind of carried along with us the entire way, and that's that you have to tear down the good, but celebrate the bad. Because if you're just waxing poetic about something, it's boring. And if you're just shitting all over something, it's boring.

And luckily, here we have lots of good, lots of bad to both celebrate and tear down.

But we have to figure out how good the good and the bad are, which is going to require yet another really arbitrary scale.

That's right. If you were with us with The Caped Podcasters, you remember the super stuff score and then the never-named Beer Me A Movie scale that we invented.

Well, we have yet another scoring system, the patented Schlockometer. And that's gonna be our guide through these glorious B movies. We decide, I guess, how good of a B movie it is, how B of a movie it is.

Yeah.

Which is a really good B movie. And we all know it to be a really good B movie for what it is. It's doing it. 86 out of a hundred.

Yeah, I would say that's completely accurate. 86 out of 100.

Our quest is to A, endure, because that's going to be important with a lot of these, I think. And B, figure out what's the best B movies out there. What are the ones that you really should spend your time on? What are the ones that you can pass?

I understand it might have a place in, like, lore or its cult-ability might be through the roof, but is it worth it? Is it? We're going to find that out for you.

So we're going to walk you through our 10 categories that make up the Schlockometer and give you a preview of what the show is going to be and how we're going to talk about these movies and we're going to start off with our first category, Entertainment Value.

How fun is this thing to watch? Just in general, you got a 90 minute movie. Do you want to spend 90 minutes of your hard earned life, hour and a half, doing that?

Is it enjoyable? Regardless of quality? Did you have fun?

We've all seen movies that are absolute dog shit the way that they're shot, but for some reason you keep going back to them. Yeah, that's entertainment, baby.

Our next category will be genre exploitation.

How shamelessly is this gonna lean into these genre tropes? Because we all know those classic B movie tropes, they gotta do something on the cheap.

So they gotta like look away, do cowboys, switches and stuff like that. How hard are they gonna lean into, like the sci fi aspect of it, the rubber monsters of it.

How scary. How sci fi, how. Yeah. How ingrained in the genre are we going to get here? The next category is memorable characters.

The ones you just can't forget. Think Johnny from The Room. You're never going to forget.

Oh, hi, Mark.

Think Mark from The Room.

Yeah.

Wow. Think Denny from The Room. Think the guy that they switched midway through filming of The Room.

Just think of The Room.

Just think of The Room.

The next category is low budget ingenuity.

When you don't have a lot of money to spend, you better get creative. So this here is creativity in the face of that low budget.

How are you stretching it? How are you making it work? How real are you making these explosions look and these scale models, et cetera.

There's no shame in having stuff that looks like crap if the story's still working.

Right? Right. Are you hanging that spaceship from a string? And can we see the string?

God, I hope so. God, man, that right there just put me in a real happy place thinking like, yeah, that's coming up.

Yeah, it is. The next category is technical incompetence.

Editing, Effects, sound, cinematography. How bad is it? How good is it? How funny is it? Do they have any clue what they're actually doing? Or are we just throwing a GoPro on, like, a baby's head saying, go, what are we doing?

Would watch that, actually.

Absolutely would watch that. I'd be so curious to see where those little fellas get to.

Next category is quotes. We've already kind of demonstrated that a little bit with quoting The Room already in this episode.

It's that it's when lines are so good that you are never going to forget them. And we already know a lot of these are loaded with them. I'm so excited right now.

Very excited. He's stressing me out, Julie.

Oh, man. I quote that way too often, very.

Frequently, and a lot of people don't know where it's coming from. And that's a shame.

It is a shame. It sure. That's, you know, that is the goal here, isn't it?

Yeah. We're gonna educate the masses about the.

Schlock while also, you know, loving the schlock because it's so good. It's so good.

The next category is the Holy Trinity.

Blood. Boobs. Booms. The sacred pillars of B movie excess.

Rarely does a B movie come along that doesn't feature at least one of these, but we're going to judge it on all three.

You got to judge it on all three. And if it gets to all three, you're working with something special.

That is very special. Next category is the Audacity.

How insane was the idea and did they commit it?

We have one coming up in the first two episodes that already I'm very excited just about the audacity.

Which one?

Death Bed.

The Bed that Eats.

The Bed that Eats.

I'm so curious. Every one of these, because you see, like, the title of it. You might see, like a quick synopsis, a quick little, like, one line.

You're like, God, I've never been more curious about anything in my life.

It's like when I was scrolling through movies and I saw the Velocipastor and I was like, well, just based on the title, we're going to talk about.

That movie and probably going to love it. And spoilers. We did.

We absolutely did. Which kind of leads us to the next category.

Heart. Did the filmmakers actually care?

Was this a budgetary nightmare or was it a labor of love?

Who's to say? It's us.

We get to decide.

Was the quality of this movie a direct result of the producers and the budget, or was it the filmmakers really wanting to make something special against all odds.

Against so many odds. I don't want to say all because they did it.

Our final category, cultability.

The ultimate reward that a lot of these movies can get is midnight screening. I pop this bad boy on who's showing up.

Yeah. And we know how the crowds can get with things like that. We've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show, midnight showings, and Reefer Madness and The Room.

So we have an idea of the heights these movies can attain long after they've been produced.

I think that this is a pretty fair scale for it being really arbitrary.

Maybe our most arbitrary yet.

But also it's really fair because it does reward failure. It rewards effort. It looks at legacy. It really kind of puts everything in the same scope, regardless of what it is.

It seems like all these movies, they're all playing with the same deck of cards for the most part.

Yeah. Yeah.

And it's good that we're judging them based on staying power as well as production and story and things like that and things that looking at it through a lens of present day. Cause some of these are kind of old and some of them are more recent than you might think.

Very surprising.

But, yeah, it's good that we have a scale to judge them against other B movies and really find the heart of what makes a B movie a B movie.

And also we get to just sit back and relax and enjoy a lot of this. And that in itself, there's no such thing as a guilty pleasure. They're all just pleasures. Lean in.

I completely agree with that. And this is going to be an adventure. I feel like there's going to be a few where we're like, okay, I get it.

But there's also going to be some gold in here, I think.

I think so too. Do you want to maybe think about doing screenings of some of these things before we go about it?

I know it took us a long time to kind of gather the movies together to make sure that we had them before even doing this.

Yeah, that might be something we could do if we found a venue to do something like that.

Stay tuned.

Like Discord or Twitch or something like that.

Something, something.

We'll look into it.

Spitballing ideas here.

Maybe even at midnight.

Maybe that would get real weird, and I love that. Can we get real weird with it? We can make up our own drinking games for these movies as we go into it. We can make a whole thing out of it all.

Shindig.

Lots of stuff we could do with this.

We can call it the modern day sock hop. We'll bring it back.

You've heard of the B movie boys, right? The modern day sock hop.

And they said, okay, it's just gonna be Internet friends get together at midnight to watch B movies. Sock hop.

The classic definition.

Of course, it's all sorts of leave it to beaver stuff. And we're very much probably talking about different beaver on this show.

Likely. Yeah.

Brian, do you want to tell everybody what the first episode's going to be?

Absolutely. So in two weeks time, we will be releasing our first episode.

Two weeks time. Two weeks.

That's important to note. This is a bi weekly show.

The show goes both ways. Bi weekly.

Shock and Terror.

Oh, both of them are there.

Oh, baby. You've never seen that. I know it.

I have not. I'm very excited, though.

I'm weirdly more excited to watch the second one with you. And you'll understand why when we get there one day. But first episode is absolutely burnedemic. Shock and terror. I cannot wait.

We have to fly before we can fly again.

That's right. Brian, do you have anything else you want to add before we get going with this whole odyssey we're about to go on?

Yeah, check us out@bmovieboys.com where we have kind of a just a standing coming soon page right now, but it will quickly be populated with episodes and whatnot. Give us a Like subscribe, follow all that stuff so you don't miss when our bi weekly episodes drop. You don't forget because it's been a week.

I don't what happened last week.

Who knows? Who's to say? Subscribe.

You get that sweet ding on your phone that says, hey, those B movie boys, they're B movieing again.

They sure are. If you guys are familiar with the stuff me and Brian have done in the past, you kind of know what to expect.

A lot of the way through here, we're going to have some fun. Write in. You know, it's probably going to get read here.

Oh yeah.

And we take ideas pretty seriously because the good ones we listen to and claim them as our own and the bad ones we read them and let everybody know that you're a fucking idiot.

You have bad ideas and you should feel bad. You can actually email all those suggestions, comments and whatnot to be movieboys. Podmail.com.

Nice shiny new email address. Look at us.

Yeah. Yeah, we're doing the thing legit. We've got a lot of practice.

We do. We have some really cool merch that we've kind of been thrown together on the side that may or may not come out one day.

This is all really exciting stuff, man.

Yeah, it's those early days where everything's just like, yeah, I can't wait.

It's going to be a lot of fun. Brian, do you have anything else that.

Is all for me?

Fantastic. Guys, go tell your friends that your your old buddies are back.

Let them know. Just really badger them with it too. Be like, hey, did you hear? They're back, they're back.

Be really annoying and just say, they're back, they're back. Don't actually explain who. Let them ask.

Don't, don't give any details.

Set your VCR January 21st and then every other Wednesday after that. But January 21st, birdemic shock and terror. But until then, keep your blood fake, your boobs real and your booms as big as the budget allows.