We’ve all met her.

The woman who says she’s “fine”… while running on anxiety, overwhelm, exhaustion, caffeine, adrenaline, and maybe a nightly glass of wine she swears she “deserves.”

In this revealing game episode of The Iconic Midlife, Roxy Manning and clinical forensic psychologist Dr. Mandy Diamond unpack the midlife behaviors women have quietly normalized — and ask the question:

What’s really going on underneath?

From high-functioning anxiety and ADHD symptoms to emotional regulation, overstimulation, burnout, and “wine o’clock culture,” this conversation explores the patterns many women don’t even realize they’re stuck in.

Through a series of relatable real-life scenarios, Dr. Diamond breaks down:

• Why so many women suddenly feel mentally overloaded
• What high-functioning ADHD can actually look like
• The overlap between anxiety, overwhelm, and alcohol
• Why some women can’t “turn their brains off” at night
• The hidden coping mechanisms women normalize in midlife
• What emotional dysregulation really looks like
• Why successful women are often the hardest to identify as struggling

Insightful, funny, validating, and slightly too relatable at times… this episode will have many women thinking:

“…wait a second.”

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A woman says she just can't focus anymore. She starts, you know, starting everything, finishing nothing. But she's also somehow busier than ever. Ever busier than ever. So what's really going on?

That is ADHD best description.

She's more on edge than she used to be. Snappy, overstimulated, and then immediately feels bad about it.

A perimenopause. Like your brain is short circuiting and your body is betraying you. Like, there are so many times I have literally said that. Like, who am I right now?

Where, where did that come from? Like, that is so not me. You're burnt out, you're exhausted, and so it's easier to put these things off for later.

She's like trying to cope by staying in a level of denial.

Before we end every the iconic midlife episode, we like to play a game if you are up for it. Yes.

All right.

Okay. So this game is called let's Be Honest for a Second. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to throw out a few scenarios to you. So.

So they might feel a little normal on the surface, but I want you to tell me what is exactly going on. Here we go. A woman says she just can't focus anymore. She starts, you know, starting everything, finishing nothing.

But she's also somehow busier than ever. Ever Busier than ever. So what's really going on?

ADHD.

Straight away, like you can tell.

Right off the bat, away, like adhd. Everything that you said, that is the first thing that would pop into my head. Like overwhelmed, like just that is ADHD best description.

Like, that you could come up with with a midlife, like, woman.

Okay. In a nutshell. Nailed it. Okay. Number two, she's successful, disciplined, shows up for everyone.

And then every night is like, don't talk to me, I need my wine. What is really going on?

That would be me minus the wine.

Totally. Like a no talk zone after work. Yeah.

Like, like you're overly stimulated. Like you have been. You've given everything that you have to give to work, to others, to the household or the kids.

And at the end of the day, you are overwhelmed and you are just overly stimulated and tapped out. You are on empty.

Yes. Overstimulation is a real thing. Like absolutely 100%. Especially if you've got like kids running around. They're like grabbing you, touching you.

Like the husband, the partner, you know, it's whole thing. Yeah.

Like you don't want anyone touching you, talking to you. Like you are. You're just done. You're tapped out. Just want quiet and alone time. Yes.

Oh, my God. I value my quiet and alone time so much more now.

Yes.

Right.

Absolutely.

I love it. Yes. A non negotiable. She's more on edge than she used to be. Snappy, overstimulated, and then immediately feels bad about it. What is really going on?

Perimenopause, like, totally to the t. Menopause. Like, you are just, like, your brain is short circuiting and your body is betraying you. Like, that is like, we're in a lot.

It's like that rage, that irritability, it comes out of nowhere and you're like, oh, my God, where did that. I'm like, who am I right now? Like, there are so many times I have literally said that. Like, who am I right now?

Where.

Where did that come from? Like, that is so not me. And then you feel guilty because there's this part of, like.

Like, yeah, sorry, like, happened there, but you, like, poke the bear. Just saying good morning. I. I don't know. Like, yeah, yeah.

No, I think, like, the husbands and the partners need their own support group because it's. It's tricky for them. You know, I feel like they. They also step into it sometimes, and then they're like, oh, my God, what did I get myself into?

Yeah. And then if they make the comment of, like, what's going on with you? You're acting crazy. I'm like, like, you're gonna be the.

On the next episode of Dateline if you say that. Like, totally. Like, I would reel that back in.

Like, totally. You know, it's funny. I've caught my husband walking backwards out of a room.

If he thinks that I'm not in the best place, he will, like, tiptoe silently back out of the room because he's like, I'm not even getting into that.

Mine has too. I'm like, yes, you should do that right now.

Yes, yes, that would be the most prudent decision for you.

That's for you and for me right now.

Totally. Totally. The next one is, she's exhausted all day, but the second she finally sits down to relax, her brain's like, now we spiral.

What is really going on?

Anxiety. Like, you've been so distracted all day by everything on the to do list or whatever. So anxiety has, like, kind of been on pause. You've been so busy.

There's all, like, the daily distractions. And then at the end of the night when things calm and kind of quiet, then anxiety hits play, and it's like, that Part of.

There's not all the distractions. And so then the brain's like, oh, now's the time. Let's go through all the what ifs and what do we need to do?

And think about this and think about this. So that's anxiety.

Interesting. Okay. Yeah. Because it does seem to rear its head more at night, I find. Or when you're about to go to sleep.

Oh, yeah.

About to go to sleep is like, then it's really goes where it's like, okay, let's go through everything and about this and think about this and kind of do this and what about this and. Or the 3am when you wake up and then the brain turns on. You're like, no, now it's not the time. We don't need to think about all this.

But yeah, that's. That's anxiety.

Oh my. So what.

What should somebody do if they're experiencing a moment like that, let's say at 3am Is there a way to like, kind of talk yourself in your head, like off. Off that cliff?

Absolutely. And keep like a pad of paper and a pencil next to your bed?

There's the part of being able to say, like, if there's a few thoughts that just kind of keep going, you know what? I'm going to write them down because I can't solve them right now. I'll tackle this in the morning.

And it's almost like same where if you're going to the grocery store and you don't make a list, but it's in your head, you're going to keep repeating it over and over, like, oh, I'm supposed to get apples, oranges, bananas, da da da da d. Or you write it down. You don't think about it again because it's on paper. You don't need to go back over it in your head.

So one of those things is like, whatever's popping in at 3am you write it down and then calm yourself. Now is not the time to think about this. There's nothing I can do to solve it. It's 3am I need to be able to calm and go back to sleep.

I've got it over here and I'll handle it in the morning.

You're almost like compartmentalizing it. Right? Like kind of putting it over there. That's a great technique. Okay.

She's incredibly competent at work, and then in her personal life, it's just chaos. What is going on?

That could be a little bit of perimenopause, ADHD and anxiety. The three fur the three fur. And it's the part of, like, being a woman, you know, it's that kind of part of.

At work, you are in your routine, you're organized, you've got everything. And then over here, you're burnt out, you're exhausted. And so it's easier to put these things off for later because this work piece, you can't.

Like that is. You have to do that. And this over here, you're just kind of so overwhelmed. You're like, I'll handle it later.

Ah, okay. Gosh, that's like when you really win the lottery, huh? When you get all three. Exactly. Okay.

She says she's unwinding at night, but if she's honest, she's also avoiding a few things. She probably doesn't want to look at what's really going on.

She's like, trying to cope by staying in a level of denial.

Is that like avoidance? Sort of. Okay.

Yeah. It's like you're avoiding what's there.

You're denying kind of what's there, because the reality of looking at it, it can feel like it's too much or you can feel helpless or just stuck. And so it's like, I am just going to avoid this. I'm going to deny it.

I'm going to kind of pretend that it's not there because I'm not ready to actually deal with that or. Or have to figure out coping skills and working through it.

Mm. Okay. Okay. She. Okay, here she is. Here she is. She is doing all the right things, working out, eating well, showing up. And still feels kind of flat.

What's really going on?

Bit of depression, like the peace.

And that's kind of part of that whole, like, midlife perimenopause nonsense of like, doing everything that you're supposed to do and everything that they tell you to do. Eat right, exercise, self care, blah, blah. But there's this piece where it should just kind of blow like a sadness.

Like just this low level kind of sadness. That's depression.

So how do you treat something like that in midlife? Is it with medication or with therapy? I'm sure. But what. Are there any other solutions for women?

Supplements, medication, having someone to talk to?

Therapy is the best because a lot of times it's really looking at how much of this is like, you're emotionally tapped out, you're kind of burnt out, or there's other issues that you have avoided for so long that you can no longer avoid because it's. They're there and it's causing this Just like low level pure sadness where things just don't feel exactly right.

And it's usually a couple things that you kind of need to change and you need to face and you need to work through. And so therapy is the best option for that.

Huge fan of therapy. I mean, it's, it really does change your outlook. It changes. It's just, for me, it's done a lot of positive. So it is a great thing.

So, you know, if you feel like you need to everybody who's out there listening, you know, find a good therapist, find a good psychologist. Like, find somebody to talk to, because it can really be so cathartic. And I don't think any of us are 100% fine.

Like, there's something going on with everyone.

Yeah, absolutely. There's something going on with everyone.

And especially if you are a woman and you're in midlife, like, and you're saying nothing's going wrong, well, you're fully in denial. There's no way that things are perfect. Like, that's just the piece. There's something going on with everyone.

And being able to have the one person, your psychologist, therapist, that you can go into, be brutally honest with, where there's not going to be any judgment, no bias, and it's the one person you can tell everything to that is going to really help you walk through all those, like, roadblocks or hurdles that are kind of there that you actually need to deal with.

And that can give you the coping skills and tools to fight the depression, anxiety, adhd, to kind of get you where you're not emotionally tapped out and you're kind of ready to live your iconic self.

That's the key. That is the key. So, Mandy, it has been so amazing chatting with you. I want to let our listeners know where they can find you.

So if you could tell them, that would be great.

You can find me on Instagram Dr. Mandy Diamond. You can also find me through my private practice, which is the Neal Diamond Group, and reach out and I'm here for you.

Your DMs are open, right?

DMs are open.