That’s faith. Let’s talk about prayer.
I’ve often gone back to the bible dictionary to understand this principle and I am struck by what it teaches about the nature of prayer.
First, it is work. So many of us go through prayer as though it were just an incantation that we learned to conjure the spell of this blessing or that.
The way we pray over our food may be an example you can look to for what I mean.
But work is uncomfortable, sometimes strenuous, and, often, marked by giving up something we want.
Interestingly, one of the only things that we have that we can give up is our will. And in this context, our will is often, as much as it is anything in our lives, the desire to feel good here and now.
When we layer that idea into our pornography use, it’s important to acknowledge that the thing we are often seeking when we seek out pornography is to feel good, here and now.
In the ancient world, people hit themselves in the chest or tore their clothing as demonstrations of sorrow. They were, in their attitude of prayer, literally giving up comfort in the here and now and paying the cost of discomfort in giving up their will to God in that moment.
Second, It is not a commandment, it is a conversation. It is an opportunity to acknowledge what we’ve been given by our Heavenly Father. It is an opportunity to discuss with him what we believe we need, want, and desire.
Prayer is an intimate expression of our weakness and dependence on our Father. It is an opportunity to express and experience the love He has given us.
Prayer, as far as I can tell, has two main purposes.
Firstly, it is meant to help us bring our will into concert with that of God’s.
Secondly, it is a place to seek out the blessings that are already ours, but that we are required to ask for.
All of this, in my view, brings the discussion we are having with Heavenly Father about our pornography struggle into a bright highlight of what we might do better to fully realize the blessings our Father has in store.
So lets start with the phrase that I used and I’m sure many of you have as well. “Lord, please take this pornography problem away from me.”
That may not be your exact wording but, it is likely similar to things you’ve said in your moments of want and struggles to end pornography in your life.
Let’s dissect where this type of prayer might miss the most powerful parts of prayer.
First off, this sounds like we are giving up our will to HF. We’re thinking, I don’t want this problem any more, I can just ask HF to take it away and make it so that I don’t have to struggle with it, because I’ve asked for a clearly good thing. I’ve asked that I no longer look at pornography.
But what this misses, is that in asking HF to “take this away” we are asking Him to be in charge of our choices. Problem there is, he gave you agency, he isn’t taking it back.
It also doesn’t account for work. This is a want, a wish list item that doesn’t have any cost to it except that you asked for it. This is like a little girl who asks her dad for a pony. All she does is say, I want it and doesn’t create any path to making it a reality.
But, you say, this is a blessing that God might be willing to grant. Sure, I think that might be possible. But I also think it is unlikely.
To be honest, I don’t think HF cares if you look at pornography. I don’t think that sits high on his priority list of things to eliminate from your life.
What I believe HF wants for each of us is an abiding testimony in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the Joy that atonement allows us to feel as we return to live with them.
When we pray to have our problems removed from us, we are asking HF to help us circumvent the natural process of struggle, growth, and learning that makes each of us stronger spiritually. We are asking him to take away the hard parts of life so we can feel the good parts. This is essentially creating a reality where we are only being righteous because we don’t have temptation, trial, and struggle in our life.
Feeling uncomfortable is, well, uncomfortable. This type of prayer is asking God to break the rules for us. Because there is opposition in all things, we have to go through discomfort in order to be able to truly feel joy and comfort spiritually and physically.
The work of prayer is partly figuring out what it is that we should be asking for and partly hearing answers that may challenge our sense of self, comfort, and life direction.
When we pray, we don’t often ask for greater capacity to feel bored. We don’t look at prayer as a moment when we should ask HF to help us see more clearly how we can experience our upfront, in the moment, discomforts, so that we can better learn from them.
We often ask for boredom to be eliminated and our pain points to be minimized so we hardly see them.
As best I can tell, this doesn’t mean that we are out seeking to be miserable all the time. It is, however, us meeting our challenges head on and being willing to see the good in them, learn from them, and grow, while still seeing beauty in and being grateful for them.
Let me give you an example. When I walk out my front door there is a hill that I can see that I climb multiple times a week. It is very steep, rocky, and strenuous to climb. The top is only about a quarter mile from my house but it is about a five hundred foot elevation change. It is equivalent to climbing the stairs of a 50 story building on foot.
Why do I do it. Because I love the view from the top. It is beautiful. I can see both the santa clara side of st George and the temple side.
It is my favorite view in the city.
As a benefit, I also get stronger legs, stronger lungs, and greater fitness.
It isn’t comfortable to climb that hill. It is worth it.
When we go to HF in prayer, especially around pornography, we need to be able to talk about and do the work that will make the strength we want worth it.
The view from a place of worthiness and self confidence is not available without the work that allows us to get to the top of that hill.
It is, however, worth it.
So, maybe we can ask for help practicing feeling our uncomfortable feelings instead of having them taken from us. Maybe we can ask for opportunities to see what we are missing, rather than asking for everything to be laid out for us.
The struggle of getting up the hill is what makes us capable of staying there long term.
Don’t get me wrong. I believe in miracles. I believe that some can have stark moments of change that completely shift their underlying habits and move them to a place where pornography is no longer part of their life.
That was not my experience. I offer these thoughts as ideas based on my life, my experience, and understanding.
This is the gospel according to zach. And if it is wrong, thank you for bearing with my own learning process.
I hope this is helpful.
