Chelsea Pegue’s dad died suddenly from addiction and she had to learn to live without her best friend. This journey also led her to learn why addiction takes so many lives. This is her story and she is RESILIENT A.F.

Buy the books: https://theglobalresilienceproject.com/books/

About the Guest:

Chelsea Pegues is a freelance writer, proofreader and editor based in the Hudson Valley region of New York. Since losing her dad to alcohol use disorder in 2020, she is honored and humbled to speak about addiction and recovery as much as possible, in an effort to be a force for change and an advocate for those in need. Her desire moving forward is to apply her creativity and skills to projects that make a positive impact in the world.

Links:

Instagram.com/chelsea.elizabeth.writes/

chelseaelizabethwrites.com

linkedin.com/in/chelsea-pegues-7b63ab211

chelseapegues.substack.com

⚠️ Content Note: Some episodes may contain themes that could be distressing. Please take care of yourself while listening, and don’t hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional if needed.

About the Hosts: 

Blair Kaplan Venables is a British Columbia-based grief and resilience expert and coach, motivational speaker and the Founder of The Global Resilience Project. Her expertise has been featured on media platforms like Forbes, TEDx, CBC Radio, Entrepreneur, and Thrive Global. She is named the Top Grief and Resilience Expert of the Year 2024 by IAOTP. USA Today listed Blair as one of the top 10 conscious female leaders to watch and she empowers others to be resilient from stages around the world. 'MyStory,’ which is a television show available on Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV+ and Google Play, showcases Blair's life story. She is the host of the Radical Resilience podcast and specializes in helping people strengthen their resilience muscle using scientifically proven methods and guides grieving high performers with her Navigating Grief Framework. The Global Resilience Project’s award-winning book series are international bestsellers, and her fourth book, RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Vol 2, will be published in January 2025. In her free time, you can find Blair writing, in nature, travelling the world and helping people to strengthen their resilience muscles. 

Links:

https://www.blairkaplan.ca/

https://theglobalresilienceproject.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/blairdkaplan 

https://www.facebook.com/blair.kaplan 

https://www.facebook.com/BlairKaplanCommunications  

https://www.instagram.com/globalresiliencecommunity

https://www.instagram.com/blairfromblairland/

https://www.facebook.com/globalresiliencecommunity  

https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-global-resilience-project 

blair@blairkaplan.ca 

Alana Kaplan is a compassionate mental health professional based in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. She works in the mental health field, and is a co-host of the Resilient A.F.  podcast. Fueled by advocacy, Alana is known for standing up and speaking out for others. Passionate about de-stigmatizing and normalizing mental health, Alana brings her experience to The Global Resilience Project’s team, navigating the role one’s mental health plays in telling their story.

Engaging in self-care and growth keeps her going, and her love for reading, travel, and personal relationships helps foster that. When she’s not working, Alana can often be found on walks, working on a crossword puzzle, or playing with any animal she sees.

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In November, I realized that he had started drinking again. And

I was Blair, when I tell you, Furious.

I'd had it. He'd had a stroke. By this

point, he had had pancreatitis so many times that the

doctor looked at him in the eye with me in the room and said, if

you touch alcohol one more time, you will die. And

so he relapsed, and I couldn't

handle it anymore. And the last time I spoke to

him was December 18, 2020. I called him

that morning just to say, like, hey, you know, are you. Are you okay?

Are you alive? Pretty much. My dad and I used to be able

to talk for hours about everything. This conversation

lasted maybe three minutes because I just couldn't handle it. It was 9am

and he was, like, hammered. And I remember the sound of his

voice, like he was really straining. And he goes, all right,

kiddo, I love you. Have a good day. And I'm like, yeah, I love you

too. And I hung up on him. And that

was the last time we ever spoke. Welcome back to

another episode of Resilience AF with Blair and Alana. But you'll notice

that this is not Alana. This is our dear friend

Chelsea Pegues. In fact, Alana doesn't even know I'm recording with you, so

she's going to be a little sad. So this is only going to be part

one. This is going to be part one. Alana. I'm sorry. Don't hate me.

So we were actually just with Chelsea. I don't know when this is airing, but

we were just with Chelsea in New York in her home state near her

hometown. Alana lives in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I'm in Kamloops,

British Columbia. We've only met Chelsea in person a few weeks ago. We've been talking

with her online for a while. Absolutely adore her. Every time she

talks, I'm just, like, captivated. And I'm so honored that she is here

today. So thank you so much for being here, Chelsea. Thank you for having

me. No pressure at all to be captivating and

charismatic. It's just your personality. You know what? Okay, so who's Chelsea?

She's a freelance writer, but proofreader and editor based in the

Hudson Valley region of New York. Since losing her dad to alcohol use

disorder in 2020, she is honored and humbled to speak about addiction and recovery

as much as possible in an effort to be a force for change and

advocate for those in need. Her desire moving forward is to apply

her creativity and skills to projects that make a positive impact in the

world. And what is so special about

this specific story is that,

unfortunately, I can relate. And.

Yeah, and I would love to, like, dive into

your story and to talk about your dad. You said, you know, your dad died

suddenly from addiction, and you had to learn to live without your best friend and

understand addiction. And I'd love to learn about your

story and starting off with, like, your dad, his name. Tell us about him

and your life with him and. And tell us. Tell us all the things.

Chelsea. Thank you. I love talking about my dad, honestly.

My dad's name is Eddie Crusy.

He went by the stage name Sticky with Two Eyes

because he was a professional drummer. Wait, S t

I K K S. T I K S T I I like two

drumsticks. Cky Sticky. I love that.

Yeah, he was. He was. Talk about creative. He was just

the best. I posted about it the other day,

but my first musical memory is of dancing around in the kitchen with

my dad to Little Richard, I think it was.

Tutti Frutti was the song. But I have just

always had an affinity for early rock and roll and

blues because of my dad. He. He was very

Clint Eastwood. He was like a squinty guy, like, tall,

squinty, mysterious. But. But his. Not his

smile, but his laugh lit up a room. Like, he just

had that deep belly laugh. And he was so engaging.

But unfortunately, part of being a musician sometimes

is drug and alcohol use. And

my dad came of age in the Catholic school

era of the late 50s, early 60s.

And here in New York, that wasn't always such a good thing. There was a

lot of physical and emotional abuse happening.

And I think he went through a lot of trauma

that he didn't speak about. Turned to

alcohol at a very young age and sort of never looked back.

So when he was sober, he was

literally the best. We could talk forever and ever about

anything. And when he was drinking, it was

never physically abusive, but it was just. The

level of obnoxious was just unbearable.

Like, you. You just couldn't be around him. It was so

ridiculous. And so,

yeah, it was. The duality was really, really hard to deal with.

From a very, very young age, I learned to be. And I'm

sure, you know, you develop that hyper vigilance.

You know, like you can tell from the second someone picks up the phone

if they're in the bag or if they're sober.

You learn to try not to exacerbate the situation,

and you start walking on eggshells real early in

life. Right. Yeah. So

did you. Do you Want to. For this interview, should we call him Eddie or

Sticky? Call him Eddie. I think that's more natural

for me. Yeah, Eddie sounds like

he was really fun, but also, you know,

that the relationship could have been very challenging. Did you live in the

same home as him? Yeah. So I grew up with both

my parents in the same house, and

it's something that I write about a lot. But I have this one

core memory of our first Christmas

Eve in the house that I grew up in. So we moved into a house

when I was 8. And I don't know

what started the fight, but my dad got drunk, my parents

started fighting, and all of a sudden we're all in the kitchen and my

mom is wielding a knife at my D. And

I'm like, on the floor sobbing and screaming

like, please, I can't take it anymore. Just got a divorce.

Like, enough is enough. So I think

my parents thought that moving to a house from an apartment and having

a backyard and like, all the things would fix their marriage

to back up a little bit. My mom really, really loved

my dad. I have no doubt. But you can't

marry a musician and then expect them not to play

gigs and, like, be out at clubs and bars and

restaurants and things like that. And my mom was very

jealous, and my dad had a drinking, so there was

always fuel on the fire. My dad and I used to escape a

lot into the woods. We would go hiking all the time. We were

constantly outside. We were in the park, you know, all of that. So again,

it was so frustrating for me to have this man

who was so gregarious, so smart,

so well rounded and so talented,

consistently risking everything for alcohol.

His marriage, our family life, you know,

he was a drummer, but by day he worked for Federal Express. He was a

professional driver, so he was out delivering packages.

And when I was 20 years old, I remember he

had relapsed. He was drinking again because he would have long stretches of

sobriety and then fall right back into it.

I went down to the basement where his drums were, and I found a huge

bottle of vodka hidden in his bass drum. Because

no one will ever look there, like.

So I emptied the vodka and I wrote him a really long letter. And

I was like, please stop doing this. I cannot take it anymore.

I love you. I don't want to see anything happen to you. This has to

stop. I stuck the letter in the bottle and I put.

Put it back in the bass drum. And I'm like, maybe he'll feel stupid now

because he knows that I found it you know, he'll read the letter,

he'll feel guilty, he'll stop. Two nights later,

at four in the morning, my mom and I got a call that my dad

had been arrested for dui, which is super

problematic when you have a commercial driver's license. They

frown on that. Yeah. So it put everything

at risk. Everything. It put our house at risk. His job was at risk. It

was a huge, huge stressor.

Thankfully, his job turned out to be okay in the end.

The marriage did not survive. When I was

23, as I was getting married, my parents were getting divorced

finally. And it was just always

the roller coaster. Now

in 2020,

there was a long period right before the pandemic really started

taking hold where my dad was sober and

he was doing extremely well. And I was so happy

because I had my son. By this point, My son was 6,

and they were so close. And my dad loved children. He

was so good with them. And everything felt good, like it

was falling into place. And then the fucking pandemic

happened, and the isolation

and the fact that we couldn't gather for Thanksgiving, and, you know, all

of the things really started taking hold.

And in November, I

realized that he had started drinking again. And I was,

Blair, when I tell you, furious. I'd had it.

He'd had a stroke. By this point, he had had

pancreatitis so many times that the doctor looked at him in the

eye with me in the room and said, if you touch alcohol one more

time, you will die. Yeah. And

so he relapsed, and I couldn't

handle it anymore. And the last time I spoke to

him was December 18, 2020. I called him

that morning just to say, like, hey, you know, are you. Are you okay?

Are you? Pretty much. My dad and I used to be able

to talk for hours about everything. This

conversation lasted maybe three minutes because I just couldn't handle it. It was

9am and he was, like, hammered, and so I was like,

listen, you know, I just wanted to check on you, make sure you're okay. I

gotta go. And I remember the sound of his voice,

like he was really straining. And he goes, all right, kiddo,

I love you. Have a good day. And I'm like, yeah, I love you too.

And I hung up on him. And that was

the last time we ever spoke. A couple of

days later, on December 23rd, I woke up in the morning and I went for

a run, and the sun was rising, and

the sky was the pinkest sky I'd

ever seen, like, on fire.

My dad's favorite Color was pink and it was

Blair. It was like the world was consumed in fire

and light and just brightness. I can't even

properly articulate it. It was

immaculate. And I literally stopped

running and just started snapping photos of it. And I sent him a couple

to his phone and I just got a really weird

feeling. And then a couple of hours later, my mom called

me and they were divorced again at this point, but they lived

around the corner from each other and they remained best friends.

And she calls me and she says, you know, nobody in the, in the building

that your dad lives in has seen him in a couple of days. And somebody

is complaining that there's a really foul odor coming

from the hall. You know, do you maybe want to check on him?

And I was so angry, I called the police and said, and I said,

you know, do a wellness check on my dad, please. And

I'm thinking, all right, they're going to bang on his door and he's going to

be so embarrassed because maybe he threw up and passed out.

And then they never called me back.

And I'm like, okay, 20 minutes goes by and then almost an hour goes by

and I'm like, why isn't anyone calling me back? And my

husband and I looked at each other and I was like, no,

that's impossible. That's ridiculous. So I hop in the car

and I'm scooting down the parkway. And I had just

gotten onto the parkway and my husband called me and he said,

listen, I heard back from one of the neighbors and he's gone.

And I just blacked out. I don't even remember the entire

drive to getting there. I remember meeting the detectives at his

door. And that's why no one called me back. Because when it's an unattended death,

they have to investigate for fear of foul play.

But he had drank himself to death.

And unfortunately, you know, all

of the things that come with the gastrointestinal

problems, when that happens. And he fell asleep

and never woke up essentially.

And they wouldn't let me see him. I never got to see him.

And that was it. That was the end of a 35 year

friendship. And it's like when

that happens, you're just so angry. You're so

angry. Why did you. Why was this so much

more important than me, than my son, than

your family? It was like. And that's

why the sky was so pink that day, because he was gone

already. And he was like reaching out to me is how I feel about

it. Now in the wake of that

is when you start searching for

answers, you know, as a griever,

and it becomes, well, what do I do now? How do I. How do I

grieve? What am I supposed to do?

And, you know, there's no. There are no stages. There

is no formality to it. And then

all of a sudden, it's almost like the

universe algorithm knew what I needed.

And you start looking online. And then

I found the Dopey podcast, hosted by Dave Manheim, which is

all about drugs and addiction. And

through Dave, I found the author, Aaron Carr,

and she is a recovering heroin addict. And,

you know, through. Through all of these little chains, I

started becoming more and more educated about addiction and what it actually is

and what it means. And the fact that,

no, it's not more important than anything. It

is a disease. It is a trick of the mind, if you will,

that unfortunately, you can't escape from. And it

doesn't mean that anything is more important than you or your love for that person.

It's just, God, you know, if I

could wave a magic wand and have one wish, it would be to erase addiction

from the surface of the planet, because, you

know, it's a disease. It's like cancer. It's. It's a disease.

It's a disease, and it ruins a lot of people's

lives. Yeah. Yeah. And

I just want to say, oh, my gosh, like, I just want to reach through

the screen and give you a big hug and, like, thank you.

You know, Eddie's with us, and the gift of that bright pink

sky is. Is. Is a really

beautiful. You know, I guess

pink lining, silver lining. I like that. A pink

lining to that. To that moment. And, you know, I

think it's when it comes to addiction, and then, like, I'm not sure what

you really understood about it before, but it sounds like you and I were on

similar paths in the sense of. But my parents divorced when I

was really little, and my dad stopped being in my life. He was in and

out of my life, and, you know, Blair, I'll come to your birthday party and

not showing up, or I'll pick you up for dinner and not showing up. And

I came to the conclusion my dad stopped loving me, and we were very close.

So I grew up thinking my dad didn't love me, and that obviously

did a number on my mental health. But in my 20s, I decided to just

accept him for who he was and forgive him and whatever relationship he

was able to give me, like, I will just take it. And we developed this

beautiful relationship where I learned about Addiction and that he was unwell. And,

you know, every time I got got together with him, you know, he'd come visit

me, and we lived in different cities. I'd understand more and more. And

what I learned was that he loved me that entire time. And all

I needed was an adult to say, your dad loves you. He's just not well.

And that probably would have changed a lot of things in my life and

in my formative years on how I maneuvered the world. And

I really do understand and watch not only the addiction. Like, my dad didn't

die suddenly. He's almost died a few times. His addiction was crack.

It started off with cocaine, then injecting, and then crack. And, like,

he tried to get sober a few times, and it was very hard,

and it didn't really work. But that slowly killed him with

COPD and then eventually lung cancer. And, like,

regardless of, you know, addiction taking you suddenly from an

OD versus slowly killing you,

like, we have to know as a society that it's a disease. It needs to

be treated like a disease. Maybe at one point, there was the

choice to. To pick up the bottle or to try the drug,

but some people's brains are not wired in a way where they can

stop. And I get that because I'm almost seven years sober because

I'm wired like my dad. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I

think this conversation, you know, in honor of Eddie is so important,

because, you know, I feel like we're both vintage

millennials. Born mid-80s, right? Yeah. Yeah, 85. Me

too. Yeah. So we're the same age, same. Same thing. So my

millennials. Yeah. I say we're vintage millennials. But,

like, I love it, you know, when someone's like, oh, you're a geriatric

millennial. I'm like, I'm not a dinosaur. Like, no,

elder. I'm like, I am not wise enough to be an elder. I'm vintage.

Now remind me your dad's name again. I want to say Jacob. Leonard.

Leonard. Thank you. I don't know where I got Jacob. From, but, yeah, so he.

It's funny. My dad was a drummer. Oh, nice.

Not a professional drummer. He drummed in a band. His nickname was Rocco, but, like,

eventually ended up in the gemology diamond industry, and someone

introduced him to cocaine, you know, but, like, I. And

there's a lot about my dad I don't know. Like, a lot. Like, I'll never

know. I only know the tip of the iceberg, and I only know what has

been shared. And there's Lots of things I've learned that I wish I didn't know.

And. But like, I think then, like, our parents in that

generation, like, they didn't really know that much about addiction.

Anything and anything, really. I hate to say it like that,

but it's true. Because I think. I think my

dad always thought that the only option for an alcoholic

was Alcoholics Anonymous. Yeah, I think he

really. And of course, you know, with Alcoholics Anonymous, what do they

start out with? The Serenity prayer. And by that point, my dad was

so adverse to anything religious

adjacent, you know, anything of that nature, he was, like,

automatically turned off because of his prior experience in

his formative schooling.

And so he never sought alternative methods. He

never sought therapy of any kind. He was so

turned off by it. So there's. That. There's the mental health

aspect of the boomer generation and not speaking about

it, keeping everything bottled up inside. And, you

know, also too, my grandmother, my dad's

mother drank herself to death as well. So it's like.

And much like you, I'll be four years sober on January

1st. That's my sober birthday, too. Nice. Oh, my

God. Twins. So Chelsea and I are the same.

Or you just separated ever?

But, yeah. And much like you, it's. I just. I. I thankfully did

not suffer that way. But I started thinking, you know, what is this really bringing

to my life? What is this doing for me? I don't want my son

to ever have the memories that I have of the smell

of the Carlo Rossi bottle at the. Wow. I just got real New York with

that one. I don't even know what that means, but I believe you. Carlo

Rossi is our jugs of wine. It's like a

cheap wine that you can buy at, like, you know, the corner store for six

bucks or whatever. But it was always sitting at the bottom of our pantry.

And I just have this very vivid memory of it as a

child. I just didn't want my son to

have those core experiences, and I didn't want to ever have to worry.

God forbid there's an emergency in the middle of the night if I'm passed out

drunk, you know, who's. Who's driving. Yeah. I just

didn't want it to ever be a problem. But

Matthew. I've been watching a lot of Matthew

Perry interviews lately, and

I love what he said. Very recently, in one of them,

he said that it is an allergy of the body.

I think he said it's an allergy of the body and a weakness of the

mind. Something to that Effect. And

whether or not anyone listening wholly agrees,

I'm inclined to agree. Because the more I started learning

about addiction, the more I thought to

myself, well, yeah, obviously, because there are some people

who can smoke a cigarette and then never smoke again. There are some people

who can do coke casually and like never

worry about it. And with alcohol, there are people who can have

a sip of wine here and there and it never becomes a problem.

And then there are people like our dads.

You know, my dad couldn't. He needed to feel

that buzz. He would always say, I like the way it makes my head feel.

It just. I need that buzz to tap in.

And so I'm really inclined to agree with that. And I think what you

said hits the nail on the head. You need someone, when

you're an outsider to tell you the love is there,

the relationship is there. Unfortunately, the person

that you love is very unwell. My

husband, I used to get so mad at him because he loved

my dad. They were very close and he would go and

visit my dad and just sit with them. And if my dad wanted to have

a little drink or something, my husband would just sit with him and let him

do it. And I'm like, why are you feeding into this?

And my husband always said all the time, because one day he's not going to

be here. And I don't want to look back and have that

regret. Wow.

I really wish I had been that

open minded to understand

that medically assisted treatment is a thing

that some people need certain drugs to

survive. And that's okay. It doesn't mean that you're

falling behind or that you're not sober and you're not not recovering,

that some people will get physically sick,

it'll be worse if they don't drink. So maybe they do need to have,

you know, doctor, specified doses of alcohol throughout the day just

to keep them standing upright and functioning in the world. Yeah. There's

all different modalities to recovery. And

even if they make me uncomfortable, that's

okay. I. My discomfort is

nothing compared to what someone suffering with addiction

is going through. Exactly. Yeah. And

I'm just gonna have to learn to live with it. Yeah. And like,

it's interesting that you say that, like harm reduction is so important. Right.

And like, I know friends, I have, I never

went through aa. I, I

basically stopped cold turkey. I have been to meetings to support other sober friends

and I actually have been to one person and it was a Jewish

AA meeting I took my dad to and it was his first meeting

ever in Fact, the person running it gave him a book about the 12 step

program in Judaism and the serenity prayer in English and in

Hebrew. And when my dad died, he had very little things to his name with

just a couple drawers. And when he moved into his like, final, like hospital

room, he actually had that with him. So now I have it. But

I have a lot of friends who have different journeys in sobriety. And

the harm reduction approach, I believe, can still be considered sober. Because.

Yeah, yeah, because, yeah. And I think it's

about us being open as a society and learning about all of this

instead of just judging. You know, when you drive down the street and you see

people on the street, maybe they're bent over using fentanyl or they're passed out.

It's like they're not really choosing that life. They're so mentally

unwell, they're so, they're, they're sick.

And looking at it with empathy and compassion instead of through the lens of

shame is so important. And for us, being born in the 80s,

raised in the 90s, our parents, their parents, the community

I was raised in, like, it was more like disappear and hide it. Not

like, how can we help? So if you and I can raise awareness of these

conversations and bring, bring the issues to light,

it perhaps will, you know, one listener at a time, et

cetera, if their perception can change just a little bit to have more

empathy and compassion, you know, the world can be a lot better of a

place and more people will get the support they need. Yeah,

absolutely. And I love what you just said, that

the people that are bent over on the street aren't using because they want

to be freezing cold on a street corner with people gawking at them. And

you know, it's kind of like to. If someone approaches my window in

traffic and asks for cash, I hope

that you're using the cash to maybe get yourself something to eat or whatever,

that would be great. But if you're shaking and you're getting physically

sick because you need a nip of something and you go and you do that,

I mean, if it keeps you alive for one more day,

maybe that's one more day where you'll see something else later on that will

inspire you to get help. You know, I never know

what steps you're taking. And

so, yeah, if I have cash on me, I'll give it. And I say that

to my son. You know, he was with me the other day when that happened,

and I, I was able to give this gentleman a ten dollar bill that I

happen to have on me. And I was so glad that I had

cash because he so clearly needed it. Yeah. And my

son was like, oh, that was nice. And I'm like, listen, what he. It's his

money. Now, what he does with it is totally up to him, but I hope

that he finds a way to go toward healing.

Yeah. And not hurting. And it's interesting that you did that. So my dad really

needed a lot of help at the end. Like, when he learned he was terminal,

like, he had a lot of brain damage because, like, no oxygen to the brain.

And he got to a point where, like, he needed a lot of support. And,

like, I stopped giving my dad money.

And if he needed things like groceries, I would just send him groceries.

Right. But it's interesting that you say that, because for me, why,

first of all, never have cash because. No, it's so rare. It is so

rare. I felt really good. If someone is standing somewhere, like, outside a coffee shop,

and I have that ability, you know, I'll ask them, like, are you hungry? Like,

do you want me to get you something? And I will. I will. I don't

give out cash because. Well, I don't even have cash of my own.

But I will offer. Like, I will if I am in a place

where I can offer to or if I'm at a

restaurant. And I. I don't do this as much because I. Where I live now,

it's not like this, but when I was more urban center, you know,

like urban dwelling, if I had leftovers, I always took them. And if someone

was hungry and they wanted them, I would give them my leftovers. And

I mean, I think it's like, even the having that compassion of, like, getting a

hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate or tea to someone who needs it, you

know, if they say no, I just want money. That's on them.

Yeah, sorry. You have the money and you want to give it to them. That's

cool, too. Like. But I mean, it's also about starting with

that compassion, right? Like, looking at that person who needs that help.

Not. Not with the lens of shame, but. Yeah. Not like.

Not why are you doing this? But what happened to you? Yeah, Like,

I. And of course, you know, there are people that

will approach you and you can kind of tell, like, yeah, you

can suss it out. You know, I'll leave it at that. But you can always

suss it out, like, when someone is. Is really in need of

help. And I always, you know, say that to my son. We

live. There's a program in our area called

Search for Change. And it

houses people who are kind of in transition from

being in a mental health facility because of drugs or addiction,

you know, any sort of addiction, and then they're.

They're kind of getting back on their feet. So I hate to use the term,

but like a halfway house kind of deal for people who are transitioning

back into mainstream society after

really hitting pretty much rock bottom because of addiction.

And there's someone that we see pretty

often in the neighborhood, and he.

When my son was smaller, he used to call this gentleman Big

Beard because he's very tall, and he just has

this huge, like, Santa Claus beard. Yeah. And so one

day we're driving by and we see him. My son goes, hey,

there goes my boy Big Beard. And I'm like, oh, my God.

So the next time we were walking to the park, we happened to see this

gentleman, and he said hello to us, and we kind of struck up a

conversation. And I said, you know, can I ask you your. Your actual name?

Because my son calls you big Beard, and I feel like

that's not appropriate. And he laughed. He had this,

like, such hearty, joyous laugh. And it reminded me of my

dad. And you could tell, like, he was enjoying the interaction,

and he just. Well, we got a human connection. Yes, he got a

kick out of the connection. And we. We really formed, like, this

special bond with him. So now we see each other, we say

hi. You know, we. We have little conversations here and there. He loves our

dog. You know, it's. It's a nice little bond.

And recently, something happened to him, and he suffered a break.

He had a relapse, and he suffered, like, a really bad break.

And I heard that he went for treatment, and he was gone.

I mean, we didn't see him for at least three months, and I was starting

to get really nervous. I thought something horrible had happened to him. And

then one day, he just popped up in our local park again, and he was

there, and we were so happy, and he was so happy to see us. And

it was like, are you okay? And he's so thankful

that someone thought of him and asked about him. And, you know,

it sucks, man. Like, mental health sucks when

you are suffering in that way and no one acknowledges you

and you feel invisible. I can't imagine

how that feels. And going back, you know, to my

dad, it breaks my heart when I think about

the fact that he was alone. You know, it breaks my heart

to think about the fact that he might have been alone for a couple of

days. I. I acknowledge his death date being December

23rd, because that's the day that I found out that he was

gone. But I don't know for sure. I don't know

how long he was gone. And that

is the worst part, that I told him I loved him before we

hung up the phone that day, but it was so flippant and

petulant and not at all what I would have said

if I had known that it was the last time I was ever going to

speak to him. That's hard. That's the worst.

That's the worst part. My dad was my hero.

I hope he died knowing that he for sure did.

I know that he did, but I really hope that he did.

Chelsea? Yeah. Oh. I just. I'm hugging you.

And the thing is, regardless of how you say it,

I love you, or I love you, like, in frustration.

Like, I had a mom where I said that a lot, too, in frustration. The

tone obviously matters, but the words are still there in the sense

of, like, I love you, like, but right now, at this moment, I don't

like you. You know what I mean? Like, precisely.

Right. And I think from what I'm gathering,

you know, you're always Eddie's little girl, and, like, always, you know, best

friends. And so that's implied. Like, you love each other. And

he for sure knew that. And

it's just so heartbreaking that that's how he went. And,

you know, I. I really hope this conversation brings a light to people who

are still navigating parents who are alive

with addiction, you know, and

maybe pick up that phone or go sit with them or maybe invite them to

go to a meeting of sorts. Yeah. You know,

reminder that. Remind them that you love them. And, you know, we

can't control other people. We can control what we do. Right. And

it's. It's just a hard world. And, you know, unfortunately,

now, even with the. More, like, designer drugs, there's a lot of people who live

deep in addiction. And it's not just parents.

It's friends. It's, you know, kids.

It's. It's a lot of people. People we don't know, neighbors. And,

you know, we have to choose how we navigate that. And, you know, in

honor of Eddie, what advice do you have

for those who are maybe navigating

a relationship with a parent who have an addiction or alcohol use

disorder, specifically? I.

I think the best thing to do. A therapist recently

told me she was talking about my

mom, but I think this applies to

specifically children who are dealing with an addicted Parent,

you don't have to sit with them for a long time. You know, you

don't have to go visit them for hours and hours or a full day or

anything like that. You can show up for your person and it could

be a 10 minute conversation just to check in and bring them, you

know, a sweet treat or something you think that they'll like and just

say, hey, you know, I just, I just wanted to see you face

to face, make sure that you're okay, you know, and you

can set your limits based on your mental health

because you're going to reach a point where you are going to

realize, unfortunately, that either recovery is

an option or it's not.

And before your person is gone, I think the

trick for the child is to do your best,

if you can, to make peace with that

and sit with that person as long as you possibly can

without hurting your own mental health and just

show up a little bit at a time until

the day comes where you don't have them

anymore. And that might sound a little dark and it might sound

a little depressing, but I kind of wish that someone had said that

to me. I know that my husband tried, but

I, I think, I think he was

absolutely right. You know, your days are numbered because

addiction is a thief. And not everyone will recover.

But you're going to be left behind and you're going to need to find

solace in your own actions. And

I spent so much time beating the shit out of

myself after my dad died, thinking that I was

the most rotten person on the planet. And

I, obviously that's not true because I loved him very deeply.

But I think that educating yourself, doing what

you can to read up on what addiction really means

and then just saying like, hey, I have five minutes to talk to you on

the phone. I just want to tell you I love you and see how you're

doing today. If you can show up and person, show up in person, set

your own limits. But just, just do your best to be there

because you'd rather do that than beat

yourself up. You know, as grievers, we're going to have

plenty to deal with. You don't want to should yourself to

death as well. Yeah, I think that's beautiful. That's

helpful. That's very helpful. I, I, I mean like, that's a huge

part of like my resolution with my dad was just like accepting what it was.

And then when he was terminally ill, we lived in different cities.

I made him message me every morning when he woke up and we started off

Our day just saying hello to each other, and it was something so simple. Oh,

that's beautiful. You know, my sister didn't have a relationship with him, but once

he was terminal, my sister and him had a talk, a

virtual talk, every Sunday. You know, you get to choose that.

But you're right. Like, Chelsea, that's such beautiful advice, and

I really, really appreciate you sharing. I know it's just the tip of the

iceberg and that we're gonna have you back to talk

more. I love that, because I know you. Have more stories because I heard them.

I heard about your tattoo stories and other things, and I.

I think it's. You know, we're just gonna leave that cliffhanger for our listeners,

but I. Is there any final words you'd like to say before we

wrap up? Well, so one thing. When you say,

as my dad would have said,

here's the character, I would just say thank you

so much for what you do on this platform and

for giving us a space to tell these stories. Because, again,

it is so important. If you are

out there and you're suffering with addiction and you're striving for

recovery, it can be done. It's going to suck.

It's going to be painful, but you are so worth it

because there is someone on this planet who loves you so much and does not

want. Want to talk to the air

and hope that you can hear them. We want you here on this plane

with us. And again, like you said, Blair, I think

you put it perfectly when you said, lead with compassion. You just never

know. And. And everyone, all of us, even you and

I, sitting here today, we are one mistake away

from a totally different life. And you just never know.

Right? So that's what I would say. Just love each other.

As hard as it can be sometimes, just love each other because our time

is finite. That's very wise

and so beautiful. And you want to get more of Chelsea in

your life. Her links are in the show notes.

Yeah, she's. She's absolutely amazing. So please follow her. And thank

you so much for joining me today on our podcast. Thanks

for having me. And thank you to everyone who tuned in to another

episode of Resilient af. Just remember, you are

not alone. It is okay to not be okay. Life is full of ups

and downs. Like, put one foot in front of the other. Take things one moment

at a time. We are here to hold your hand and be that light in

the darkness. And just remember, you are

resilient. Afghanistan.