Have you ever heard this expression growing up as a child? The weight of having to follow a set of standards, especially when they are infallible to begin with. For neurodiverse individuals, this structure may seem great, but for others, it may feel that they are limiting you. During today’s episode, we explore why rules are sometimes tough to follow, especially when we may have differing beliefs, and how to have genuine conversations with those who set them. When all else fails, how we walk away from following the rules can also send a powerful positive message, when handled the right way.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode number

139 of Speaking from the Heart, and

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now that you're on my podcast, let's

set a couple ground rules for today.

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First off, everything

that I say, you must do.

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Ground rule number two, make sure that

you leave a tip after this episode

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so that I know that you actually

listened to it, and that's an order.

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I better see your names in not only those

tips that you're giving me, but also

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make sure that donation that you're going

to give me, has a lot of dollar signs

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behind it, and oh, number three, make

sure that you share it to every single

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person that is on your friends list,

whether it's on Facebook, whether it's

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your followers on X, whether it's even the

people that listen to your TikTok videos.

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I want to make sure that I see

Speaking From The Heart spread all

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across, otherwise, I'm coming for ya.

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Now, come on.

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You know me.

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I'm kidding around, or am I?

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I feel that we have rules that we

have to follow, especially when we're

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at the jurisdiction of someone else,

whether we're living with them, whether

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we are working for them, whether

we're doing something else that is

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some sort of contractual agreement.

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We have to set a parameter of a variety of

different rules; different opportunities

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for us to excel, but are those really

the rules, the things that we should be

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setting up, especially if it seems like

we're being a little bit over demanding?

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In today's episode, let's tackle

that subject of how many rules are

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really necessary for us to really get

on board, especially when it comes

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to following someone else's lead.

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I don't know about you, but I feel like

we are in a society of just having to

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follow so many different types of rules.

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There's rules about how we file our

taxes, how we even deal with the grocery

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store of what kinds of items we need to

pick up, because we can only pick up a

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certain number according to store policy.

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Using even coupons, being able to address

a variety of different traffic laws, a

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lot of different aspects of flying that

we have to abide by, especially when

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we're traveling all by ourselves, even

getting our passports renewed, even

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dealing with insurance, environmental

issues; you name it, there's always a

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set of rules that we have to follow,

and before you start emailing me

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at podcast@yourspeakingvoice.biz,

about how many rules that you need

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to follow, let's get to the point.

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The real thing is is that these rules

really help us to understand, on a common

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playing field, how we move forward, not

just on our own ability to co-exist, but

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to make sure we bring order from chaos.

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Do we go a little bit overboard with

the expectations that we need to have?

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Absolutely.

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I can't tell you how many people

in my life have told me that I need

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to do XYZ, but yet it didn't make

any sense whatsoever to do XYZ, and

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you should have done ABC instead.

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Heck, I've even had landlords have told

me I need to make sure that not only

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should I clean up after myself, but

you better do it on the 10th day at 10

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o'clock PM, otherwise, I'm coming after

you and I'm adding more to your rent,

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and that seems a little crazy in itself.

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Why would you charge more rent,

when I have already done the

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things that you've asked me to do?

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That's absurd, but yet, we have people

that even do this on a day to day basis,

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and they get away with it, because

we don't find our voice to stand up.

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It's even sad.

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I've seen Undercover Boss episodes, the

most famous TV show, I would say, that

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put exposure to the different types of

bosses that we can have, and especially

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the disgruntled type of employees that we

even engage with on a day to day basis of

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what it means to actually be a really good

boss, or even be a terrible boss overall.

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Now, of course, they're going to

paint themselves very professionally.

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They are multi-level corporation by

all necessary means, but I've even seen

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government even featured within Undercover

Boss that has allowed other people to be

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exposed for even what taxpayers are being

utilized for all the money that is being

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wasted, but yet, you have to think about

the fact that even though that the rules

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are there to be able to help us all grow,

it doesn't mean it gives you a free pass

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to always come down on someone, even if

they violated the rule in the slightest,

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and if the rule is always being violated,

is the rule really good, or should it be

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looked at to see if it can be enhanced?

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Time and time again, I've even seen

some businesses I have worked with start

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to work on this process as a whole.

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I've even have talked to some people

that have been very disgruntled.

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People that are looking for new

jobs that have been clients of

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mine are looking for a new path.

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They're trying to figure out a way

in which this big world of all kinds

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of rules and regulations can be

navigated, despite the fact that it

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can be challenging to even understand

where they fit in the first place.

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These rules that we oftentimes set for

each other have unintended consequences

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that we normally don't think out.

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Now, I have to also thank my liberal arts

education to allow me to really see that

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there's more than what just meets the eye.

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There are consequences if we're not able

to understand what the true implications

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of some of these rules that we make have,

and if we don't figure out what those

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differing beliefs are, if we don't do our

research as it relates to why those rules

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are terrible in the first place, we're

never going to be able to succeed, whether

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it's in personal, or professional, or

even business development for that matter.

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The truth of the matter is, rules aren't

always meant to be broken either, so the

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question becomes: When is it okay to break

a rule when you know that it's absolutely

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wrong, and you need to be able to stand

up for yourself, or, if that person,

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or that place, that you work at, is so

unreasonable that they will never be able

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to change what they have going on, how

can you keep moving forward, but also walk

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away knowing that you need to be able to

send a very powerful message to them that

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what they're doing is absolutely wrong?

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This whole concept we've seen it

in the news about whistleblowers.

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We've even seen it not only in

corporations with even famous scandals

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for that matter that have radically

transformed the environment in which

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we are able to operate in from a

financial perspective, but we've

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also seen it in government itself.

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The IRS even being called out for

politicizing a lot of different

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things that they've been doing to not

only normal taxpayers, but to other

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people that have special interests.

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Where does the line get drawn, and

where's the accountability begin?

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That is always the overarching question

that we have to keep asking ourselves,

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especially when the tough rules have to

be followed, and yet, we give ourselves

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some grace knowing that sometimes we

do it, and we do it unintentionally.

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I think that when we have differing

beliefs of what things need to be

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done in order to continue to grow, we

have to also look at the other side.

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We need to be able to have a dialogue

as to why this role is really important,

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and if the rule isn't necessary,

get rid of it; and if the role is

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necessary, what are the safeguards

to ensure that the rule is followed?

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Sure, we have police protection.

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We have rules that are being enforced

by the police departments across the

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nation, but yet, even with police

enforcement, rules are always broken.

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Even with regulatory bodies that

do audits, and even understand the

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importance of accountability and

compliance, things are still missed.

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Is it really intentional for someone

to break a rule when they really are

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trying their best to follow it, but

yet at the same time, there isn't

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really any guidance to help them set

that standard that they need to have?

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In other words, what is the roadmap that

we need to be following just to make

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sure that we have those rules, so that

we are able to understand them, and hold

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each other accountable for that matter?

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I think that we have to learn to be

able to have an ongoing conversation,

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which I've even talked about in other

episodes the importance of not giving up

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the fight for making sure that we have

a voice at the table, but sometimes that

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voice at the table gets drowned out by

all the other things that we need to do.

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It gets drawed out from all the things

that are happening amongst the chaos of

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all the other things that are going wrong.

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Being able to put our focus and

attention on certain things so

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that we're continuously growing and

prospering can be a very difficult,

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challenging process in itself.

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I can understand completely why it's

so hard for some people to be able

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to follow along, while others, it's

no problem whatsoever, which begs the

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question, can rules be equal to all?

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It's a societal question.

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It's something that we are struggling

with on the day to day, trying to

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figure out what's the best balance so

that we're able to thrive, but also

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not segregate, even demoralize, even

prosecute people that should have never

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been prosecuted in the first place.

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It means examining what has been

happening in the past, thinking about

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what the rules are now, and whether

those rules are really needed for us

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to continue moving in the direction

that we need to be moving in.

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I think for people, especially

that are neurodivergent, which we

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haven't even started to talk about

yet, have a whole other perspective.

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They know that if they miss the mark,

they're going to have overexertion

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of not only the things that they feel

about themselves, but also because they

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missed the mark of what they should have

been doing with following the rules.

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They're not feeling good about

themselves, let alone even feeling

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good, both physically and mentally,

to keep moving forward, and that can

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create havoc in so many different ways.

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My house, my rules.

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It sounds as if we are so entitled

when we say that, to feel like we have

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to follow every single nuance of what

someone is saying, but yet, when we

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try to have a voice, and when we try

to stand up, it's often broken down.

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It's even thrown away from ever

being heard, and that's such a shame.

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I know that for many of you that are

hurting because you might have been

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the victim of a rule that you didn't

understand, or maybe didn't really grasp,

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and yet, you got fired, you might've

been demoted, you might've been even

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pushed out of a project as a punishment,

amongst any other kind of punishment,

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that makes you feel inadequate.

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It makes you almost feel like you

can't even make any difference.

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I know people that have taken it so

badly when they have done something

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wrong and they didn't even realize

that that they did something wrong,

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that they really try to have a voice.

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They try to argue their position, but

yet that other person that is making that

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authoritative decision doesn't care, and

when we don't care, we're not listening,

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especially in this ever changing world

that we live in, in which even my own

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business, Your Speaking Voice, LLC,

talking about even the things that we

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say and do sometimes are disregarded.

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Even other organizations, which I've even

talked about in this show: Someone To

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Tell It To, an organization close to me

here in the Harrisburg Capital Region of

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Pennsylvania, even works on compassionate

listening; being able to understand

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and grow in ways in which we would have

never ever grown in the first place.

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Life coaches that live even close to

me, working on their craft, making other

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people feel like they have a voice to

be heard, and rationalizing the ways

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in which they're able to move through

the problems that they have, both

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personally, but even with a professional

coach, somebody that's working on

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career counseling, even somebody

that is dealing with your business.

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The things that we do, the passions

that we have, but yet the determination

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that we want to have to continue

moving forward, requires us to follow

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rules that we often don't agree with.

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How do you walk away and even deal with

all the things that might be wrong with

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a rule, and yet keep moving forward?

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Now, if you think that I'm going to

end this episode by saying, "Yes.

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You need to be compliant with it.", you're

absolutely wrong and I think that you and

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need to understand that sometimes just

sucking it up and thinking that you need

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to just deal with it is some old thinking

that comes from a previous generation

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of individuals that had no choice.

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They decided to have no choice, but in

the 21st century today, we do have a

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choice, but it's the way in which you

handle it, which is what makes a big

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difference, and as if there is anybody

on this show that we've ever had that

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have broken the mold, I know that they

will continue to share the stories that

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they have, because it comes in all shapes

and sizes, and what those experiences

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are, even of people like myself that

have shared countless, numerous stories

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of individuals that have hurt me, have

even persecuted me because I did not

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follow their rules, doesn't mean that

they get a free ticket to continuously

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harass or even denigrate myself, or in

your situation, your whole entire life.

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As I've even have put it to one client

of mine, you have a choice to make

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every single time as to whether you

want to accept that opportunity for

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you to discuss those situations that

come up, or deal with the positive

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contributions that you can have

to be able to keep moving forward.

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When we talk about handling it

positively, know that it's not just

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about what kind of research that you do.

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It's It doesn't matter what

you might say in a way in which

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it might be well articulated.

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If you have the undertone that you are

a mean son of a bitch, and you don't

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care about what that other person has in

terms of the rules that they're trying to

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share, you're going to fail every single

time, even if they are a son of a bitch.

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They might be the meanest person that

you've ever met, but there's a reason

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for it, and I ask you today to find

that reason, and if they're not willing

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to open up, it's time to walk away,

because you have that choice as well.

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We live in a society in which it was

built upon the fact that we've been

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able to work together, and I find still

that we are not working together in

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the way in which we should be doing.

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If we're ever going to grow, not only as

individuals, not only as businesses, not

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even in all the things that we are doing

for our family, for our charities, for all

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the services that we provide, we have to

learn to be able to open our mouths and

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have that conversation, and even with the

rules that might be different, just know

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that you have a choice as to whether you

want to live a life in which you want to

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be able to feel like you're acknowledged.

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It doesn't give you a free ticket, always,

to be able to roam free, and think that

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you can violate every single rule, but

yet, when the rules that you think should

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be changed, and should be heard, are not

being listened to, that's why we have a

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set of guidelines in terms of how we can

appeal and even challenge for that matter.

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We should never lose the ability to

continue the conversation though, so I

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ask you today, even if you have all these

rules that you have to follow, are they

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worth it, or is it something that you

need to change in your life so that you no

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longer are binded by those rules, so that

you feel better about where you're heading

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in terms of your path of self development,

or even better yet, addressing the

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things that might be limiting you,

so that you are no longer limited?

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My house, my rules, doesn't always equate

to the fact that they need to be followed.

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They just need to be respected, and that

is a big difference when we're talking

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about this overall subject, but when all

else fails and you walk away, and you

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learn that you understand a lot better

now why that person felt the way they

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do, just remember that the growth that

you've achieved, whether you believed

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in it or not, and whether you felt that

they did not set a good example for the

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respect that you deserved, know that you

will be in that position one day, and

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you will have a choice: Do you want to be

that person that is very dictatorial in

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terms of the process and procedures, or

are you going to be fair and democratic?

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Be willing to listen, take a vote, and

figure out what's the best, for not just

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yourself, but for everyone else, but it

all starts not just with talking about it,

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but opening your mindset to the endless

possibilities that it isn't about the

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physical sense of how we live our rules,

but how we grow alongside of them as well.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 139 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.