Episode 11 | "People would rather have the short-term comfort than the long-term benefit."

In this episode of Strong & Awake, Dane and Mitch challenge the comfort-driven lifestyle that leaves many feeling weak and unfulfilled. They discuss how our preference for convenience and ease often sabotages our long-term goals, leading to a cycle of daily dissatisfaction. Learn how foundational aspects like food, drink, sleep, and fitness, revealing how small, consistent changes can lead to radical transformation. Through the MWOD community, they illustrate how accountability, community, and structured discomfort can help you break free from the traps of modern convenience. If you're ready to trade short-term comfort for long-term fulfillment, this episode is your roadmap. Join Dane and Mitch as they unpack the principles that can help you become strong and awake for love's sake… If you are leaning in, then MWOD might just be for you.

Chapters:

• 00:00 Introduction
• 00:25 The Comfort Trap
• 01:18 The Illusion of Options
• 05:37 Short-Term Goals vs. Long-Term Vision
• 08:48 The Path to Flourishing
• 12:22 The Power of Community
• 33:31 Why MWOD Might Not Be for You

Mentions:

• MWOD (Men & Women Of Discomfort): The community and program discussed throughout the podcast, which focuses on voluntary discomfort to achieve personal growth.
• Hemingway's Pencil: Referenced metaphorically to illustrate the futility of relying on tools or gear alone for success.
• Dan Tocchini and Jean-Marie Jobs: Mentioned as mentors who introduced the concept of "get to" versus "have to".
• Seth Godin: Referenced for his idea that "people like us do things like this".
• Viktor Frankl: Mentioned in the context of creating a life of meaning, drawing from his existential philosophy.
• Mark Brewer: A member of the MWOD community mentioned as an example of forming strong bonds through the program.

Anchor Actions:

• Embrace Voluntary Discomfort: Identify one area in your life where you consistently choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit. Start small by committing to a daily practice of voluntary discomfort, such as taking a cold shower or eliminating a comfort food. This will build resilience and set the stage for larger changes.
• Set Up for Success: Prepare for the next day each evening. Lay out your workout clothes, plan your meals, and set a bedtime that ensures at least seven hours of sleep. By setting yourself up for success, you remove barriers that lead to daily setbacks and ensure each day starts ahead of the curve.
• Community: Join a community or create a small group with friends or colleagues where you can check in daily. Share your goals, progress, and setbacks. This place to hold account will help you stay committed and provide support when challenges arise. If you think MWOD sounds like the community for you, apply at mwod.io

Join Us:

Our Membership Community (MWOD) is where we embrace discomfort as a path to personal development. Remember, it's probably not for you... but if we're wrong about that, or if you want to find out for yourself, visit us at MWOD.io 🦬

Connect With Us:

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Disclaimer:

The information shared on this podcast and any related materials from Men & Women Of Discomfort (MWOD) or Flying S Incorporated are for general informational purposes only. You should not use this information as a basis for making decisions without consulting your own medical and legal professionals. We aim to provide accurate and up-to-date information, but we make no guarantees about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability, or comprehensiveness of the content.

At Men & Women Of Discomfort, we promote agency and encourage you to carefully consider the input we offer. If you find it helpful, we invite you to take advantage of it, but do so with the understanding that you bear the responsibility of due diligence. By using our content, you acknowledge that you are taking opportunities at your own risk. Thank you for understanding.

*Transcript Note: The transcript of our podcast is AI-generated and may contain errors. We aim for accuracy but appreciate your understanding and feedback on any discrepancies.

Copyright 2024 Men & Women Of Discomfort (MWOD.io)

Dane: 00:00

People would rather the short term comfort than they would the long term benefit.

Dane: 00:05

It's consistent in every category. One of my favorite phrases we say a lot in MWOD is "What happens anywhere, probably happens everywhere."

Dane: 00:11

And they're doing it every single day and they're wondering why days are tough. Well, they're starting so far behind the start line, they're miserable.

Dane: 00:19

And they go, well, there, I guess today's sunk.

Dane: 00:21

Maybe tomorrow will be better, but they don't set up tomorrow to be better.

[: 00:00:25

Dane: 00:25

as humans we prefer the path of least resistance. We crave convenience, the payoff without the price. But when our lives revolve around comfort, it doesn't deliver. Living in perpetual comfort leaves us weak and asleep. This podcast is an invitation to flip that script, to choose the unlikely path, to get the life you really want through voluntary discomfort.

Dane: 00:49

This is Strong and Awake. I'm Dane Sanders.

Mitch: 00:55

Hey Dane,

Dane: 00:57

mitch. Here we go.

Mitch: 00:59

Here we go. Hopefully folks have listened to or watched last week's episode because we are very much jumping right off of that into this. So if you haven't already listened, go back and listen to last week's. But we'll give you a quick little survey here at the beginning to kind of orient yourself.

Mitch: 01:18

Last week we talked about all of the different options and the promises that are out there, the things that many of us have tried, whether it's the new year's resolutions, getting this new book or course, maybe it's the new gear, the new latest and greatest, what have you.

Mitch: 01:33

And in almost every case they fall short or I would say in every case, they fall short in some category at least.

Dane: 01:42

Right. Well, let's get even more clear. Like, So why do people pick all those things? Like what, what is it about, like, what are we trying to get out of the thing? What's our, you know, the, what's our, why, what, why, why do we want to have news resolutions?

Dane: 01:55

Why do you, why are attractive gear, uh, interesting to us? Why, why is it that we think. These promises that of change and transformation are so attractive. It's because the end point is what we really want. And sometimes we don't articulate what we want. But when we get clear on it, it's a really helpful driver.

Dane: 02:15

It's like the vision of what our life could be that isn't true today. The promised land. And of course, once we get clear on what we want,

Dane: 02:25

Uh, It's

Dane: 02:26

healthy and good to be driven towards those things. But what I think was what was least helpful for me, redemptive for me even, because I've tried all the things that we talked about last week is just recognizing the trade offs of what some things offer and what they, they don't.

Dane: 02:42

It's not reasonable to expect to get a certain result from a thing that wasn't designed to give that result. And when we understand the nature of these offers, we can begin to, um, decide which is best, right and best for us to pick next. It's uh, I'm reminded like I'm a writer and I spend a lot of energy around things that don't actually help me produce good writing.

Dane: 03:07

Uh, the joke of course in the writing circles is like if I just knew The kind of pencil Hemingway used, then I would be a great writer, you know, and of course we all know if we pause for 10 seconds that that's not true. And yet, you know, a late night infomercial, something coming up on our scrolled feed of if I just had that piece of gear, then, then I would actually get up in the morning and go work out.

Dane: 03:31

And of course it's not actually how it works. It's just like Hemingway's pencil. So, uh, and by the way, if you're getting up every day, get the best. Pencil, you can find, you know, metaphors and, and, uh, and I think that's, there's usefulness in the tools, but not in, uh, as, as a, as a launch point, uh, and especially not as, um, if you're unclear as to what you're actually going for.

Dane: 03:59

And I think last week we spent a really good amount of energy getting clear on like, if we're looking for things like. Longevity, sustainability, overall health, physical health, emotional health. Um, uh, our souls being in a good place, uh, relationships that are flourishing, um, feeling great when you wake up and, you know, you get out of the shower and you look in the mirror and what you see, uh, where your mind is wandering throughout the day.

Dane: 04:25

Um, being disciplined around the things that you say are important in your life, where you get to the end of your days and you go, I love. But I got to live this day and it's not dread, uh, waking up the next morning and going, gosh, what do I do with this? And, uh, I think that's really the centerpiece of the conversation we're in.

Mitch: 04:42

Yeah, I think, thanks for digging in a little bit deeper there because, yeah, for those that haven't gone back and listened to that, I think that is so important.

Mitch: 04:52

and

Mitch: 04:53

Speaks to that, short sightedness almost that we have, uh, with whether it's a challenge, you know, hyper challenge, hyper support, like oftentimes our goal is to, to just get through the day and maybe for some people in some situations like that is appropriate, you know? Yes. Yes, indeed. Uh, but oftentimes if we just live in that.

Mitch: 05:14

Live in these short term goals, this nearsightedness, um, we can often get either way off track from where we actually want to go, uh, or never actually kind of wake up, uh, and open our eyes to, to see what's around. Um, so we've, we've kind of surveyed some of those things, uh, spoke to kind of why they might fall short.

Mitch: 05:37

and I'd love to kind of. move the conversation into, what, what are some of the different categories? Yeah. Like how, what works? Like, okay, cool. You've done the, the doom and gloom.

Dane: 05:49

The dissecting.

Mitch: 05:50

And I want to say, you know, for us at men and women of discomfort, you know, our tagline is, you know, it's probably not for you.

Mitch: 05:57

Uh, and we, and we say that, you know, we were talking before this call, we say that not because we don't think it would benefit you, whoever's watching and listening to this, because it absolutely would benefit anyone. But but we say that because most people don't choose it. Most people don't want the, the cost associated with it.

Mitch: 06:19

People want this promised land. They want the better life. They want the flourishing. They want the, results.

Mitch: 06:27

They just maybe don't want to put in the effort and the energy.

Dane: 06:34

And I, this is where we have to be a little bit particular in how we articulate this because so many people have tried things like, and this is where they can feel they can get, they can get cynical, like nothing works and we're here to say, actually, there are, if you're clear on where you're at and you're clear on where you want to go, there is a vehicle to get you there.

Dane: 06:53

And we're just going to be explicit about one object lesson. One way that we know gets people to where they say they want to go relative to being able to do hard things, being disciplined, being in a position of strength, being in a position of awareness, actually being able to do things and be the kinds of people who, who have offer more than they need to take for themselves.

Dane: 07:16

That kind of disposition, that kind of. The coming is entirely available with a couple of variables that we have built in, baked in to men and women of discomfort. And we recognize this is one way. There's a lot of ways to get there, but this is one way we know gets people there. And I think it would rhyme significantly with other solutions that I think help.

Dane: 07:39

I think what we pointed to last week were things that get us kind of there or, or maybe kind of aspects of it, but don't.

Dane: 07:46

So, I think we should dive into the specifics. Like, let's get concrete. Let's do it. When we think about men and women of discomfort and what we do uniquely, these are the variables that we would recommend.

Dane: 08:06

Um, anyone who's listening to go, whatever you're picking, whatever you're planning for the new year, whatever you're planning, um, or even in the midst of that, you're, gosh, you're going for this. It's a delivering or not delivering. I think some of the areas that we're going to talk about will be very, um, illuminating as to whether or not whatever you're doing is going to serve you or whether or not and wide might be for you.

Dane: 08:29

So, and, and with, well, and I'll just a little cliffhanger at the end is. We're going to also explain why you might not pick us like the primary reason why people wouldn't choose us. Because even as we're describing it, I have a hunch, a lot of people will be nodding and going like, I want that, gosh, I want that too.

Dane: 08:48

But there's a reason why you might not pick it. So we'll get to that at the end. So why don't we, what would be the right thing to talk about first in terms of the areas that we see, the promised land areas that we, we promise.

Mitch: 09:01

Sure, sure. I mean, let's start with kind of the foundations of life. Like, what do we need to...

Dane: 09:08

like, just like sleep?

Mitch: 09:11

Exactly.

Mitch: 09:12

What do we have to survive as humans?

Dane: 09:14

Yeah. Yeah. Besides comedians who make fun of people who are, um, uh, undisciplined and getting heavier by the minute. Um, I think it's fair to say that most human beings would like to eat good food. And as much as they need and no more, and that if we just talked about that, like the work you do in the kitchen, uh, if, if someone were to say, Hey, we recommend that you eat more processed food and we recommend that you eat out as often as possible, especially at fast food places with, um, high salt, high cholesterol, um, and, uh, as much kind of, you know, funky ingredients as possible that really promote addiction to sugars and to fatty fats and to all these things that don't actually contribute to a healthy body, but actually are antagonistic and set the table for if you project out, say a decade or two, lead to things like hypertension, um, cancer, uh, like, uh, Diabetes, uh, like all the, the, the, even, even, uh, heart disease.

Dane: 10:25

Like there's a sense of like the four global horsemen that kill most people. Uh, it's these dynamics get that the truth is all of us right now are contributing to the possibility of that happening in the kitchen. So I'm confident almost everybody who's listening would go, I'd like to eat better, please.

Dane: 10:41

And yet. You know, the call of cereal at 11 p. m. or, uh, you know, that whatever the, the, the, the vice of choices around food that it just feels impossible to say no to the thing at M one, we absolutely give you a path to make sure that that doesn't happen to you. And of course, you guys recognize that if you were to sum up MWOD in one phrase, it's you make one choice to participate and we make all of your choices for you, or MWOD does, that's it, right?

Dane: 11:10

So including food. So one thing we can guarantee is if you're participating with MWOD, your diet will radically transform instantly. And you'll be doing it with, in a context where you'll be every single day communicating out loud what you ate. And in that communication, even if you're lying, it won't feel very good.

Dane: 11:32

And eventually you'll either quit or you'll start telling the truth because we're not shooting for perfection. It's okay. Like we get it. People are in a process of getting to a good place, but by the time you're done 12 weeks, your diet will be radically improved guaranteed. So that's the first thing I'd say is food, but it's not just food, right.

Mitch: 11:49

And let me cut you off because I want people as they're, as they're going through the, as we're listing these off. Like, I, I want you as well to just listen and think through, like, and use this opportunity as we go through these different categories to kind of survey, where am I at with my relationship to this category?

Mitch: 12:07

That's right. And, you know, we'll give you space and time to, to think about that and, and, uh, an option to, to kind of survey these things and get clarity on those things. But I just want you to have that in mind as you're listening. as we move through these categories. So yeah, it's almost

Dane: 12:22

like you're inviting listeners to like give themselves a report card on how they're doing in these categories.

Dane: 12:28

Do they want anything different? If it's going great, great. But is there anything else they would want? And the first category food check. Um, okay. Let's get into drink.

Dane: 12:38

If there was ever a season in the year, um, besides maybe Valentine's day, if you just got broken up with that, people want to drink, it's usually Thanksgiving, Christmas and the Western hemisphere and beyond.

Dane: 12:50

And, and we justify it, right? Like New Year's Eve, you know, so funny, uh, the New Year's resolutions that happen on New Year's day, but how much people pay Are committed to partying on New Year's Eve. Like it's this really interesting juxtaposition of these two things.

Mitch: 13:06

Down to the minute, you know, the second, yeah.

Dane: 13:12

And one thing I will say is we are not anti celebration at MWOD by any stretch. Um, but what we celebrate is a little different and how we celebrate is maybe a little different. And, uh, the one promise we can guarantee when you commit to 12 weeks of drinking water. Coffee and tea, and that's it. You're, we promise, just the removal of booze for many is radical.

Dane: 13:39

But honestly, where we get most people really hung up is the removal of like creamer in your coffee. That's like, one of the biggest reasons why people don't do it a lot. They're like, I could never give that up. And I respect their honesty when they say that.

Dane: 13:52

Let's just pause for a second. If creamer in your coffee is the, the inhibitor to you getting on the road to the life you say you really want, what, what's really going on?

Dane: 14:03

Cause creamer, you're gonna let creamer get in the way of that. And yet, it's true. Uh, it's, that's probably one of the top four or five reasons why I've heard people not do M. O. D. is they got, I could never imagine, Morning with coffee with a creamer. And of course you do that for four days and you'll be like, no big deal, but people don't, they just, they would rather the short term comfort than they would the long term benefit Yeah. And, and that's what that represents. Yeah. It's consistent in every category. Um, exactly. One of my favorite phrases we say a lot in is What happens anywhere, probably happens everywhere. Or where else does that show up in your life? Mm-Hmm. . And I think the creamer in your coffee, if you're listening, uh, just ask yourself what other, what, what other creamers are in my life that are, that are stopping me from getting the life that I want?

Dane: 14:54

And we just wanna, again, methodically go, okay. In the food category now, in the, in the drink category. And we can promise at the end of 12 weeks. Radical transformation when it comes to liquid in your body that promotes life and liquid in your body that, that doesn't, um, and by the way, it's not, it's not the end of creamer forever.

Dane: 15:12

It's not the end of booze forever. To be really clear, we have, we have a maintenance plan. I promise you, but it's a constantly revisiting, uh, process where you get to every people who have been in our community for a long, long time. every three months, they get a chance every like at least one month out of every three for the rest of their life, they're able to go, I'm going to ratchet things up and make sure that creamer doesn't have me.

Dane: 15:36

I have creamer. Like it's, I'm still, I have agency over the creamer, but the creamer doesn't have agency over me. And I think that theme again, people can hear in all the categories we're talking about.

Mitch: 15:47

Mm hmm.

Mitch: 15:48

Yeah. And, and two, there's, there's a season and kind of a reason for like this kind of reset. And that's kind of what this acts as, but also moving towards a sustainable lifestyle. I think a lot of people can confuse sustainability with ease or lack of challenge.

Dane: 16:07

That's not it. It's still rigor. There's still rigor. Right. Don't you want to be famous for being rigorous with yourself? rather than light with yourself. Be, be gentle with others, but be rigorous with yourself. It's an old stoic idea and it's, it's, it's there for a reason.

Dane: 16:24

It's, it's, it's how humans flourish and yet it's, it's often neglected. And all we've talked about is food and drink. And I know let's move to the next category. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What should we talk about?

Mitch: 16:33

So we've got food, we've got drink, uh, sleep. This is a huge one. Something that's a huge one that is.

Mitch: 16:42

You know, very apparent to me, as you know, two nights ago I stayed up way too late and I'm still feeling the effects of this. Um, yeah. Sleep is so, so vital. Mm-Hmm. . And, um, I think there's a lot of, there's lot of no stats, but if you probably surveyed. Anyone in, in the United States, like we're probably well under, uh, what one would expect for a healthy range or what we need to kind of function healthily, but, but yeah, let's unpack sleep.

Dane: 17:16

Yeah, well, so the benchmark and what is seven hours every night and, um, whoever's listening, if you're already getting seven, eight, nine, good for you. You're in great shape. This isn't the category you're going to get the most benefit from, but for many, to your point. For sometimes very good reasons your sleep are being interrupted.

Dane: 17:32

So you might have little kids You might have a job that you know, you're a fire person and you're getting up saving lives And you know, that's kind of part of the deal, but even even fire women and men they They work a shift, A, B or C usually, and they have like, they'll have two weeks off to kind of catch up, to catch up to their, you know, whatever their, their, their shift is, uh, two weeks off over the course of a month.

Dane: 17:57

And, um, that, that dynamic is important to recognize that you need sleep to function well. It's a fundamental first principle that, you know, sleep hygiene as a category is one that, People have become more and more aware of, especially they realize the, the, the longitudinal impact of years and years and years of not very much sleep, buying into lies like I should hustle and I sleep, I'll sleep when I'm dead and, you know, bad lyrics like that, or kind of the idea that I don't want to miss out on things.

Dane: 18:28

So therefore, Um, I think of my kids who will get caught scrolling in bed and, and, uh, my adult kids to be clear. Um, your kids would never cause they're too young and they don't have, but, uh, uh, but, but oftentimes if I have an honest moment with them, they're like, I kind of don't want to shut it down cause I'm afraid I'm going to miss something.

Dane: 18:45

And it's remarkable if you sit back in your day and you think of how much things can recycle and come back. You're not going to miss anything. The people who want you to get a message, we'll find a way to get the message to you.

Dane: 18:55

Yes. And yet it feels as though. Everything is urgent and that's a tyranny to live under that.

Dane: 19:03

You don't, you don't have to. Um, so we, that's the thing we promise is for 12 weeks, imagine 12 weeks straight of increasingly moving towards a standard of a minimum of seven hours of sleep and actually getting to a place where that's just consistently. So how much better would your life improve if that was normal?

Dane: 19:20

And that's what we promise. Yeah.

Mitch: 19:24

Yeah. There's that, expression and it's talking about drinking specifically, but you know, drinking is borrowing happiness from tomorrow. Uh, it's like, it's, we do that so often with sleep, you know, we, that's one of the first things that go out, whether that's amusement, whether that's catching up on work, whether that's anything.

Mitch: 19:44

Um, but I think what you're speaking to, uh, as you use your kids as an example, so many of us. will unknowingly drift into mindless scrolling, amusement, et cetera. And that's Like just we have a poor relationship with our phones, with, with technology, with these other kinds of means. So, so what is, what is that as a category and maybe not as foundational as, as sleep and water and food.

Mitch: 20:18

But, um, I know that we speak to that in M1 and we kind of prescribe something as it relates to Yeah. Phones in bed.

Dane: 20:25

No, no phones in bed. That, that's a, that's a lock from day one that we ban your phone from your bed. Honestly, for some people that's sufficient. That's all they need. They would sign up for MY just for that if that were true 12 weeks from now.

Dane: 20:40

Uh, 'cause they know the misery they experience, not when they're on their phone. 'cause they're getting dope mean hits. Yeah. It's, it's when they wake up the next day, it's like a hangover. And they, and they're doing it every single day and they're wondering why days are tough. Well, they're starting so far behind the start line, uh, they're miserable and they'll get to about, you know, whatever time of day it, they raise their awareness and they go, well, there, I guess today's sunk.

Dane: 21:06

Maybe tomorrow will be better, but they don't set up tomorrow to be better. And that's kind of one of the reasons why we have that built into the equation. So imagine a world where. No phone in bed, uh, you've gotten seven hours of sleep, uh, you put no liquid poisons in your body and you, uh, fueled your body with really great nutrient rich, the kinds of food that makes your body right.

Dane: 21:31

Um, and that's, that's just like the basic, not even counting the last foundational piece, which is fitness, you know, working out.

Mitch: 21:39

What do you do with that fuel? You know?

Dane: 21:41

Yeah, yeah. Put it to work, right. And, and, um, For a lot of people, they're like, Oh gosh, yeah, I should work out more. You know, that's, this is probably the number one New Year's resolution is I'm going to go to the gym more.

Dane: 21:51

And the tragedy, by the way, side note is they mix up their kitchen with their workout room and they think I'm going to lose all this weight in the workout room. When usually what happens, even if they're successful is they go to the workout room. You know, for the three weeks before they stopped going to the gym with their New Year's resolution and, uh, they burn some calories, they get on that treadmill and they do, you know, they do whatever they think and they kind of want to reward themselves.

Dane: 22:13

So what do they do? They betray the kitchen to reward the, uh, the work in the, in the gym and they gain weight. It's just this, it's just, and then you add the eight and three weeks later, they quit the gym too. And they've established a higher benchmark for. Bad food intake and or drink or whatever it is.

Dane: 22:31

And all of a sudden There it is. It's I see it all the time people leaving like I don't want to pick on any particular thing But I have a friend who went he did some accomplishment in a new year um, his name is charlie and he uh I saw he posted on instagram leaving orange theory and this like pakistan cake pakistan cakes stack of pancakes and uh, And like he was just like, you know, I I did my day My challenge and now I'm gonna reward myself and I was just like total.

Dane: 23:01

Oh, well, I guess in one meal you're gonna make up for three weeks of work But so what what we do is we get the kitchen right first, right? And then with the kitchen in play, then we set up the workout. And the workout is something that you don't have to decide.

Dane: 23:13

It's actually prescribed for you soup to nuts. So no cognitive load, no walking in and wandering around a 24 hour fitness thing thinking, what should I do? None of that. It's purely set up for you. Top to bottom, decided for you every single day. What are you going to do? And you're going to end up working out Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, having a different kind of workout on a Thursday, working out Friday and then having a surprise challenge on a Saturday and then a rest day on a Sunday.

Dane: 23:39

So you go from, for many people who start, they go from no working out to six days a week. And some people think, Oh my gosh, so extreme. The irony is we're not asking people to kill themselves. We're asking people to show up. To be consistent, to start where you're at, be where goal is not to get you injured, not to get you hurt, not to get you, um, uh, in any way kind of discouraged.

Dane: 24:01

It's actually incredibly empowering to get some kind of a baseline and then incrementally build. And this is why we see these tremendous results 12 weeks in where people have both lost weight and gained muscle and, and do it in such a way where they're like, I didn't know this was possible. Commonly 30, 40 pounds in a 12 week window.

Dane: 24:22

And, and when I say common, I mean super common women and men. And it's, uh, it's just utterly inspiring. And it's so funny cause at the end of it, people don't say that's the reason they're so happy. That's just the by product of why they're so happy, but they are pretty happy with those results, best shape of their life.

Mitch: 24:40

For sure. there are so many,

Mitch: 24:43

Those ones are very, very clearly defined. They are. But I'd love to, if you think it's appropriate, go through some of like, the potential either fulfillment pieces, freedom pieces or like the habits themselves.

Dane: 24:57

Yeah. Let's talk about this thing. So on the fulfillment front, um, throughout the process of MWOD some other habits get introduced things like, um, You know, you learn how to do hard things like getting in cold water or holding your breath.

Dane: 25:10

And if those concepts seem utterly foreign or ridiculous to you as you're listening, don't let that get in the way. Just trust people weaker than you have tried these things and succeeded. And I promise you it, none of it's unsafe and you will have, you will be so glad on the other side of it. But these are the kinds of uncomfortable habits.

Dane: 25:25

We're not trying to be the best fitness program and the best nutrition program on the planet. Everything we do is sound and informed, but the goal is to look for the uncomfortable thing for you. And we do it comprehensively. So, we start with the fundamentals that we've all talked about already. And then we start getting into other kind of areas to poke and prod.

Dane: 25:43

Things like, again, uh, doing, getting up and having a cold shower. Learning how to hold your breath. Learning how to journal. Uh, doing anonymous good deeds for other people, uh, and doing good deeds and not getting credit and learning how that feels. Um, intermittent fasting, having times of the day where you're like going to be a little hungry and you don't eat anyways.

Dane: 26:02

And you know what? That you get to know it, get comfortable with that feeling and practice it. Um, meditation, uh, sitting by yourself and listening to your breathing. And when you're tempted to just kind of run to the next thing, all these things, what they do is they reveal. Where in your world you're finding fulfillment and not.

Dane: 26:20

So you will begin to relate with your work very differently. You'll look at your job and begin to understand in whole new ways, what is it about your job that you love and why? What is it about your uniqueness relative to your work? And how do they potentially fit? Why are certain side projects really interesting to you or why do you fantasize about side projects but haven't taken action on them in a while, but now you might want to, or maybe even be empowered to go do those things.

Dane: 26:46

But fulfillment as a category is something that comes up over and over again, especially after your first round, where people begin to realize, like, I actually can, with the foundation of a daily practice and play, I can actually start,

Dane: 27:00

Applying the resource that is me in the directions that make me the most flourished as a person.

Dane: 27:05

I can get clear on those things, I can understand the direction, the plan to get there, and I will be the kind of person who's able to take action and doesn't feel paralyzed. Just looking at the life that other people get to have and I don't get to have it. So, fulfillment is a category we mainly think about work and projects, but through all of the disciplines that are kind of, We exercise together in community and, and stay accountable in all over and over again.

Dane: 27:33

I get to account for what I'm doing. I also develop an awareness, a self consciousness to all the relationships in my life. And one of them, the biggest one for most people, is the amount of time they spend at work. And I think that's a massive category. And another massive category in this regard is, is our relationships.

Dane: 27:51

We become far more aware of, you know, familial relationships, family. Um, uh, our romantic relationships. Uh, the friendships we, uh, have allowed in our life. Um. Even how we relate with people other than ourselves. I like to call them foreigners, you know, the people who we kind of bump into in life. And when we react in a way that we don't totally like just in the marketplace of life, could we actually Bend our reactions in such a way that we react more in tune with what our highest and best self would do.

Dane: 28:23

Um, how we work with the teams in our lives, like who we work for, who we work with, or who works with you or who's working on you even. Can you, can you foster those relationships in a way that moves, moves you first consciously, but then in action towards the life you really want, a life that's worth living.

Dane: 28:45

And, uh, as people see this as part of their lifelong practice, they become more and more conscious to what's possible for them and are empowered to take the steps. Um, and even beyond like work and relationships, how about like fun? That was one of the biggest reveals for me over the last several years.

Dane: 29:06

It's like, I'm not a very fun guy. And, uh, but I am way more fun than I used to be. Uh, my gosh, I have whole categories of fun. They even surprised that I find fun in the categories that I find them in. And, um, And to create intentional space for them. So I, I walked back into work like refreshed and kind of invigorated.

Dane: 29:27

Um, I was, I've been in a lot of conversations lately where people are asking me the question, you know, how are you doing? And for years, I just was kind of melancholy in my response over and over again. And that's not true anymore. Like what's true for me is, um, I'm alive and I'm really glad for it and I get to do certain things in my life Even though life isn't easy.

Dane: 29:49

It's they have a lot of different categories in my life that are very very difficult But I'm having fun. And I think that's kind of an underrated under talked about outcome That comes from being conscious and aware and awake, you know, our mantra at MWOD is to become strong And awake for love's sake.

Dane: 30:08

And those three categories strong. Yeah. You're going to get best shape of your life awake. You're going to be more conscious to you and those around you than ever before. And what, to what end, not just for your end, but to ends bigger than yourself, to be a part of a bigger life, to create a life of significance in Seth Godin's language, or to create a life of meaning, um, in a Victor Frankl's language.

Dane: 30:31

It's, it's profound. What can open up through this process and then one last category i'll just point to you very quickly is money Or I guess two more one is money like we start becoming aware of things like our debt, savings giving investing um, and then finally kind of transcendent categories that we promise over the course of of uh, 12 weeks, it's kind of amazing these promises, but I I think It's just evidently so that this happens, but people, uh, they gain freedom from things like addictions, toxic relationships, drama, trauma, other people's expectations of them in their lives, other people's beliefs, beliefs being imposed on them, in some cases, very, it's kind of radical people like getting off of like it.

Dane: 31:19

Um, hypertension medication, like, uh, or, or, you know, whole hosts of things. Doctors saying like, what have you done? Uh, and you can say back to them, that's probably not for you, doc. Uh, because, uh, I just had a comprehensive life reset and I'm on a trajectory to keep this for the rest of my life. So those are kind of freedoms from, and then kind of freedoms toward, uh, or faith toward at some level is really a renewed.

Dane: 31:48

clarity around people's faith traditions, things that they hold as transcendent, bigger than themselves, you know, higher powers in their life. Um, they, they find a path toward those higher powers that are more in integrity with what they say they believe. Uh, cause it's increasingly unsatisfactory to be out of alignment.

Dane: 32:05

Uh, there's a constant correcting course that goes on in the course of the 12 weeks. That I think it's just really important for people to understand. We're so ingrained towards this perfectionist mindset that I'm going to do this thing and check all the boxes and get it all right. But we already have talked about how this is, it goes beyond just checking the boxes.

Dane: 32:23

Uh, we get to a place of a lack of satisfaction without my whole heart moving forward. And my whole heart, which is riddled with complexities, uh, that all comes with me. Uh, just like giving a podcast name, a dog bark in the background, it all comes in one package. And, uh, this, the, uh, we're not looking for perfection, but what we can promise is by the end of 12 weeks, you will be transformed radically and comprehensively.

Dane: 32:53

Not cause you're like Herculean, you know, flexing at the top of the hill. It's because you are consciously aware of all of your gaps and you're actually doing something about them and then powered way that is about something bigger than yourself. And. That's why we can promise hundreds of people just like you have done this, and it's been radically transformative.

Dane: 33:14

And yet, there's a massive hurdle in front of everybody who decides that they want, they would consider this. Like some are listening to this and go, who wouldn't want all these things, right? But there's a reason why we say it's probably not for you. And maybe we should get into that part of the conversation.

Mitch: 33:31

You set it up so perfectly, but I also want to come back to like just two things, like meta things about what's going on and maybe it transitions well, after what you just said, but community, like many people have not done this. They haven't made this power on their own. Yeah, exactly.

Mitch: 33:50

They're white knuckling it going solo. Uh, So, so what, how have we kind of addressed that?

Dane: 33:57

Yeah, well, um, doing it on your own is foolish, uh, trying to do this on your own. It's, um, if you are at home and you've tried really hard and you're just discouraged, you're actually wondering, is it even possible? I get why you feel that way.

Dane: 34:11

And you've probably been trying to do it on your own. And we are, um, disproportionately radically committed to not doing it alone and which is really hard to do. Well, I guess it's easier than ever in a sense, uh, cause we're so connected digitally these days, but we have a mechanism by which, um, introverts and extroverts, extroverts, different personality types of all sorts, people who are localized as well as people who are comfortable connecting digitally and are willing to be uncomfortable to connect digitally.

Dane: 34:40

we have a means by which every 24 hours. You and I check in with a small group of people, a group of people that we can manage the relationships in and be known within in a kind of a safe context where you get to be real about what happened the last 24 hours. And in that, um, window of time, uh, it's, you're basically listing out your, it's binary.

Dane: 35:06

Did you do it or did you not? Without any shame, without any guilt, no one's gonna, you know, flex on top of you or anything, or, you know, try to give you some sense of like, you should feel badly. Um, people will get curious with you. They'll ask you questions, especially as you try to kind of declare that you kind of did something and work really close.

Dane: 35:26

And we'll try to, we'll illuminate that conversation to make sure that you're really explicit and clear so that you're conscious of what you've done or not done so that you can improve. So you can move that 1 percent further between this day and tomorrow. And you do that consistently for 12 weeks and, oh my gosh, Radical reset in your life.

Dane: 35:46

But you try to do that on your own, You're just going to get beat up by life. The drift is too much. It's just a lot to navigate. We're built to be in community. And we were built to own things with responsibility. As individuals. And we wed those two things really, really elegantly with small groups, with large groups, even the cadence of a day versus the cadence of a week.

Dane: 36:08

We have a, a certain thing that happens every Monday, every Tuesday, every Wednesday, every Thursday, every Friday, every Saturday, and resting no communication on Sundays. Um, and, uh, and we do it in a way that doesn't feel like social media. It's, it's like a, it's like a family conversation. It's community, uh, in a closed context.

Dane: 36:24

And. It's a, it's a really elegant system. So we do check in on our phones every day, uh, in a video centric way. It feels very conversational and, uh, it doesn't, it's not a burden. It's, it's like you bond with people that you make uncomfortable choices with and it's, it's profound. The level of, um, care, like I think of Mark Brewer in our community, who I've known now for A long time, we've never been in person together and yet, like, I don't know how tall he is exactly.

Dane: 36:53

And there's a sense in which, like, it's crazy to me and we feel bonded like brothers. And, uh, we're influencing our ability to parent and we're in our communities and how we're, you know, it's amazing to me. And, um, Because of video centricity, and app to check in, it's, uh, it's amazing how far we can get, even though my dramatic preference is to be in person with people, um, and we, we have the, we have plans for Marco and I to meet, uh, but these, uh, it's amazing how far we can go with these digital tools in the midst of, of our community.

Mitch: 37:30

So we have a community of, of people that are kind of journeying along with you in the right direction that want a similar things distinct, but you know, uh, they want a flourishing life as well that are doing the work to do that. Then you also have guides that are, that have gone before you that are there to not just tell you what to do, but to get curious, like you're saying to, to challenge, to call up.

Dane: 37:54

That's right. And it's not like they're standing on a high horse, kind of. Whipping you. It's like they're, they're, they're, they're right alongside you.

Dane: 38:03

And the other thing that's fun is we've reached critical mass now where in a lot of cities, there are other humans just like you doing it in your city. So you get the benefit of in person and small group online and large group online that you're part of a bigger thing with the beginning of middle and end and the chance to go again.

Dane: 38:20

Um, with people who've gone before you at various stages. Some have gone like several rounds, some have gone just one or two rounds, some is in the exact same round you're in. And that's a really powerful kind of set of contributors to community life.

Mitch: 38:34

Yeah.

Dane: 38:35

And you said there's two things. One was community.

Dane: 38:37

What was the other thing?

Mitch: 38:38

we've got people that have done this many rounds and in your case, you know, whatever, 20, 30 rounds and there's a certain cadence and natural things that come up. As we all go through this process, not just in your future round, which is what we call your first round of mod, but you know, in life there's certain kind of patterns and rhythms.

Mitch: 38:55

Um, so aside from guides, we also have kind of these guide posts or, or anchors, if you will. And we don't have to go through all of the anchors, but, uh, I'd love to hear an unpacking, uh, briefly of what those anchors are, the purpose that they serve and how they compliment the very embodied, uh, you know, habits that were also, uh, stacking.

Dane: 39:17

I think it's really important to talk about that. Thank you for reminding me about that. So I mentioned that we had this weekly cadence, right? So every Monday we get a new habit. Every Tuesday we get a tip. Um, every Thursday, any truths that you discover, you get to share it loud. And Thursday truths Fridays or Friday fests episodes like confessionals of where you missed the mark and what you want to correct.

Dane: 39:35

Course Saturday is a Saturday challenge, but right in the center of the week, we had this thing Anchor Wednesday. And Anchors are meant, it's, it's the reality that we're living in this storm called the whirlwind of being a human being, and the drift is taking us places we don't want to go, and we need to find ways to tether ourselves to the reality we're committed to, the future person we want to become, and we have pithy little phrases that have become famous in our community that we, we practice and live out and remind each other of all the time.

Dane: 40:04

And, and if I was going to suggest the. If I was going to sum all of them up in one kind of phrase, it's perspective. It puts you, if you consider each of these anchors, uh, in the right perspective, it, well, if you consider them, it puts you in the right perspective to make good on your commitments in your day.

Dane: 40:26

And it's, you know, it's conscious, right? It's, it's, uh, these are ideas. So you take the idea that, laid over your actual life, and I'll give an example in a second, shifts your perspective. Uh, so like the first one we do in week one is we talk about, or week two, I guess, we talk about get to. And get to, again, two little words, Changed my life.

Dane: 40:47

Uh, the idea, I learned this from a mentor of mine, a guy named Dan Takini and, uh, Jean Marie Jobs, and they, they trained me in this idea of so much of life feels like a have to, I have to drink enough water. We didn't talk about water.

Dane: 41:02

People get to drink 96 ounces of water every day.

Mitch: 41:04

It wasn't a full comprehensive survey.

Mitch: 41:07

They got to have some surprises.

Dane: 41:08

Okay. That's good. Fair enough. So, uh, you know, I have to get to the workout gym. I have to eat right. I have to, you know, make my spouse happy. I have to be a great mom or dad. I have like, what if you get to? What if you could do a reversal in every one of those categories that feel like a chore in your life, even the project at work, even things like, uh, I have to take that medicine.

Dane: 41:34

Uh, I have to take out the trash. Uh, I have to, um, have that conversation that I've been dreading. Uh, but what if it was I get to? I get to take that medicine. What if I didn't? Uh, you know, I get to take out the trash. What what if I don't? Or I get to have that conversation that Could give me years of relationship Of flourishing as opposed to relationships of dread.

Dane: 42:03

Uh, I get to have those things. So we just remind each other of these kind of key ideas. We anchor ourselves in the perspective that is optimal so that as we navigate the challenges of life and we're raising our hand on to do things uncomfortable in the midst of that life, we have a better shot at making good on those commitments.

Dane: 42:20

And, uh, I, I love the anchors. The anchors came out of, uh, uh, A course that I ran during COVID, which was really fun. Uh, and it was just kind of basically a way to gain perspective in the midst of you, you're not having a lot of control in your life. How do you gain some control? And, uh, and it's gone on to impact thousands of people around the world.

Dane: 42:44

And, and it's just kind of a collection of other people's ideas. And some of my own that have coalesced into a powerful eight part play that really set people up to have the right mindset as they navigate their days.

Mitch: 42:58

And not only are those introduced during your future weeks, but as you continue to have, you know, participate in a number of rounds indefinitely, like they're so reorienting.

Mitch: 43:09

And like you said, just anchoring, um, really, uh, as you, as they kind of gain new life and kind of different, more nuanced, uh, meaning as you get to experience them in different contexts, for sure. Yeah. Uh, so we, we, we did the kind of survey of what, what you've maybe tried before, what hasn't worked, why a little bit about kind of what, what we do here, uh, and the reasons behind those things.

Mitch: 43:39

Um, what are some reasons why this might not be for people

Dane: 43:45

for you? Yeah. And I'll be quick on this cause it really is. It's one simple response. I said at the top of this conversation that you make one choice to participate and all of your choices are made for you. And almost everyone I share that with, they have this double edge experience.

Dane: 43:59

On the one hand, they go, Oh, that's what I need. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. That's exactly right. No cognitive load, no deciding, no paralysis, no overwhelm, not trying to miss fear of missing out. None of that stuff. That'd be so relieving. But where the rub comes is I can't tell you how many people I've spoken to.

Dane: 44:18

I'll just pick one category cause it's so obvious and over when I run into someone who's really out of shape, badly out of shape. And, uh, and I'll tell them what they need to do. And, and they, and they just don't do it. They want to retain their optionality. They want, and, and they'll, they think that they're an authority.

Dane: 44:35

Like that's too much for me. And I'll be like, well, are you sure? Like based off of what authority, like currently, cause currently, It's really evident, you're not in a great place yet. You think you have authority to decide. And we do, we all do this in, in whatever category we're deficient in. And what we're saying is, The beginnings of gaining agency.

Dane: 44:58

It seems so counterintuitive. The beginnings of gaining agency is to give up optionality. And that for many people is just too much, you know, it's a step too far. And people are like, no, I want to retain everything. I want to decide. I want to have options. I want to choose. I want to do what I want to do.

Dane: 45:14

And we get that. And if you do, I get it. And we're probably not for you. Because we're going to ask more of you, not less of you. We're going to make it uncomfortable, not more comfortable. It's not easier, more convenient, quicker, faster. It's actually the road by which people have transformed since the beginning of humanity.

Dane: 45:31

This is how it actually works. So whether you pick us or you pick something else, make sure that whatever you're picking is designed to give you what you think you want. And if you find you are doing it easy, more convenient, there's a shortcut involved, it's quicker, you have a lot of agency and choice, I can do it at my own pace or whenever I feel like it, it won't work.

Dane: 45:52

It's a tell, it's a trap, it's a guarantee, it's a crock. It won't work. What works is it's the old apprentice model become like the monkey see monkey do it's, it's be around people who you want to be like, and you'll, you'll do what they do in time. People like us do things like this. So Seth Godin and he's right.

Dane: 46:11

And this is what we do. So if you want to do it a different way, have at it. Just don't do it with us. But if you want to do it the way we do it, these are the things that we promise will come. And. To get there, the first step in that process really clearly is to go and answer some questions. Uh, just go to mwod.

Dane: 46:29

io, fill out the application, and don't even commit. Just fill out the application. See if the questions don't take you where you say you want to go. If they will, and you'll be glad you did.

Mitch: 46:42

Absolutely. So, mWOD.io

Dane: 46:47

Yeah, or men of discomfort. com or women of discomfort. com. They both take you there. It's the same place, but go there, fill out the application and get after it.

[: 00:46:55

Dane: 46:55

Men and women of discomfort is our membership community and we are open to everyone but keep in mind our tagline is it's probably not for you if we're wrong about that or if you want to find out for yourself you can find us at mwod. io the information and material that we're sharing both of this podcast or anything connected to men or women of discomfort or flying s incorporated it's all for general information purposes only Only you should not rely on this material or information on this podcast as a basis for making any kind of decision.

Dane: 47:20

We do our best to keep everything up to date and correct, and we do a lot of due diligence, but the responsibility is on you to make sure that you're in sync with your own medical professionals that you wouldn't see what we're offering here as somehow a warranty or representation in any kind expressed or implied about this being complete, accurate, reliable, suitable, or comprehensive in any kind of way.

Dane: 47:34

It's critical you own your agency, which is at the heart of everything we do of Discomfort. We invite you to take the input that we're offering and consider it for yourself. And if it's helpful, please do take advantage of it. But if you do, it's you who is taking the opportunity and we're assuming that you've done your due diligence with it.

Dane: 47:46

Thanks.