The Unexpected Middle: My New Pregnancy Adventure

Lacey: 00:00:05

Welcome to sharing the middle, where we share the messy

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metals of life together and hope

to, see and hear each other.

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I'm Lacey here.

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And in the middle and guide.

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And I'm coming at you today with

a Lacey solo episode because.

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Of some pretty big updates in my life.

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So if you follow me on social

media, you'll know that I

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am unexpectedly pregnant.

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And.

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I thought about.

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sharing with you all in a little

bit more of a longer form.

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About the messiness of this middle.

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Oh, and it's messy because

there's so much involved with it.

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So let's start with the

fact that I have an IUD.

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I did not intend to get pregnant.

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And so it was a big old surprise.

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I am one of the 0.2% of

women that this happens to.

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Which has, if you've listened,

from my husband, Joe, that

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this is what happened to me.

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Most women don't talk about

their pregnancies in the first

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trimester, because there is

a higher risk of miscarriage.

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I am at a higher risk of miscarriage

because of getting pregnant with this

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IED and then they couldn't get the IUD.

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Out.

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Which increases my chance

of miscarriage again.

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Even with all that though.

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I can't not talk about it.

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But I can't not talk about it.

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Cause I know if something happens

where this pregnancy isn't successful

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and he do have a miscarriage, I

will also need to talk about it.

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And my hope too, is that by talking

about it, I can help other women.

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Who are in a similar place.

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Cause.

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The first trimester is hard.

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this is my third go around of pregnancy.

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And pregnancy is awful for me.

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There are some women in my family

who I love and cherish very much.

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Who loved being pregnant.

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I am not one of those women.

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Get sick regularly.

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Aye.

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have gestational diabetes, so

I'm getting sick, but there's

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only, I was only supposed to eat

certain things at certain times.

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And it's a very restrictive time for me.

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I feel awful like.

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All the time.

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It's really hard for me at least.

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There are some amazing women that are some

of my dearest friends and loved ones who

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are champs, who can be quiet about it.

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But I am not one of those women.

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I need us all to be on the

same page about where I'm at.

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What my level of expectations are

for myself and all that stuff.

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It's been a really weird couple of weeks.

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Obviously I'm bringing it with an IUD.

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I did not intend to get pregnant.

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But the thing is.

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I wanted a third baby.

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So to Joe, this is something

that we both wanted.

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We both had this feeling that our

family just wasn't done yet, but with my

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chronic illness, it felt irresponsible.

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To have another child.

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One because as I already

said, pregnancy, Awful for me.

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Awful.

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So the thought of pregnancy

being awful for me.

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On top of my chronic illness stuff.

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Who knows I could be

incapacitated the whole time.

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The other part of it is life

is hard with a chronic illness.

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And taking care of an infant is hard.

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and so I am very much

on deck all the time.

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And.

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It's a lot.

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And I worry.

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Worried.

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And now we're.

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About what that's gonna look like for me.

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When we get there.

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And this is where I.

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I w I talk about it's.

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This is a very messy middle because

on one hand, I'm so excited.

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My children are excited.

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My husband's excited.

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My family is excited.

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Both of our families thought they were

done with grandkids and here we are.

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Bringing in another one.

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So there's so much joy around us.

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But there's also a lot of fear.

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And.

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Anxiety.

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and still that feeling of I'm

not going to be good enough.

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Disability and chronic illness

makes life a lot harder for me.

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Having toddlers was hard.

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Having infants.

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Is going to be hard to.

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Now I'm going to be honest with you.

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I love an infant stage.

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I loved the time.

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Between having that baby.

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And those first three months that

are really hard for a lot of women.

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So I like to think of it as

like pregnancy is awful for me.

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So the least that.

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Do is make those first few months.

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good.

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There's a lot of things I'm scared of.

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So I'm scared that time is not

going to be as good for me.

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Now, that being said, there

are a lot of ways that this

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pregnancy and the timing of it.

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Makes so much more sense as far as

the way that our life is set up now.

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Joe is in a job where he's going to get.

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12 weeks of paternity leave,

which is amazing for us because me

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having someone all the time there.

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With me to help me during

those first few months.

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Huge.

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It's such an uncertain time.

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and not with my health, it could

be so uncertain and I'm going to

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have a partner the whole time.

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Whereas before I got maybe a week and

a half, two weeks with Joe, and then he

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went back to work and it was all on me.

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And I don't have an end

date now, since I'm.

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Working for myself.

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I get to determine and.

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Sarah.

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My no shame and the home game co-host

and joyful supportment movement.

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Co-founder and I have talked about.

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What.

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Quote, unquote maternity leave

will look like for me and.

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I have so much more flexibility

in my life to make things work.

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So there are so many ways.

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Where this time around.

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It's okay.

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We may not be able to flex

here, but we can flex here.

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Isaac and Iris are so excited.

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They've both been big fans of babies.

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They're ready to chat.

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When it comes to being

pregnant with them, ECFS.

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Naturally done a lot of research

because when I can't do I research.

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And a third of women with Emmy CFS who

get pregnant, actually feel better.

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During pregnancy.

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One third fill same and

one third field worse.

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So I, if I felt better,

great grand, fantastic.

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I'll be honest.

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I don't think I'm going to be

in the worst category, which.

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Is it a big deal?

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Because so far it's been okay.

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Part of it's.

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Cause I know.

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But to expect, have I throw it up?

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Yes.

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Yes I have, but I've.

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Actually vomited once, which

is pretty awesome guys.

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Usually I'm like vomiting all the time.

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I'm nauseous, but.

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what you'll find is I'm

very matter of fact.

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About my pregnancy symptoms.

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And it's just because it's my reality.

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So it is what it is.

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There are a lot of like other

things that I'm nervous about.

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I already have very little energy

to help manage our household.

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And now I'm going to have less.

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The other thing that.

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food is a challenge because with

gestational diabetes, My doctor

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and I basically were like, we're

not going to make you take a test.

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We're just going to have you

start monitoring your sugars.

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And the mental load of

gestational diabetes is.

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Morin than I think people can imagine.

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Gestational diabetes.

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I have to take my blood sugar

before and after every meal.

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with Isaac, I only had

to take pills with Iris.

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I had to give myself an

insulin shot with every meal.

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So if you add it up, I was poking myself

either with a shot or drawing blood.

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I think it was 12 times a day.

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And then there's this element.

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When I, I'm a rule-follower right.

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I like to do the things

I'm supposed to do and.

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Get things done and.

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A pluses.

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And gestational diabetes is like

being a part of a class that

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you cannot have control over.

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You can do everything right.

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And your sugars can still be

everywhere, which it's like the

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system is set up against you, not the

system, but like, When you throw up.

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Your body makes your sugar's

skyrocket because you're in

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this like fight or flight mode

and your body's ready to fight.

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And so your sugars go up.

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So my sugars in the morning are

always high because guess who's

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thrown up regularly in the morning.

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It's just.

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It's all alive.

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And it's a lot of expectations

and it's a lot of fear.

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And excitement and it's all

rolled up into this one.

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Period of time.

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And it's hard.

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But it's also magical and wonderful.

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It is the messiest of middles

that I could even think of.

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And it is a middle pregnancy is

the biggest is the most challenging

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middle I've had thus far because

you can't do anything about it.

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you can't.

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Speed it up.

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You got to just be in it.

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And wait.

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Then when we talk about things,

like how do I want to do birth?

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I'm very nervous about it.

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I had a C-section with Isaac N a.

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Vaginal birth after C-section with Iris.

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And I would much prefer

the VBAC this time around.

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But I was reading that for

some women with Emmy CFS.

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The vaginal birth can be a very

triggering event when it comes

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to post exertional malaise.

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And that means that I could go

into a bad, Exertional malaise.

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Session, I don't know the

right way to say it afterwards.

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And that is a time when, if I'm want to

be breastfeeding, that would not be good.

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But it could also happen with C-sections.

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Who knows.

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And I think that's where I'm

landing with a lot of these things.

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There are no right answers.

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There's just the answers that.

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Feel good to me in the moment.

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This middle journey up

until this point has.

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Prepared me for this for

accepting this week, I've been

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able to do just about nothing.

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And it's one of the first

times in my life that I'm like,

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okay, I'm just doing nothing.

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I've canceled meetings.

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Which is really hard for me to do.

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I've done truly the bare minimum when

it comes to things and it's okay.

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Everything's fine.

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Everyone's fine.

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Everything's moving.

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And it's what I need.

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That's what my body needs.

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That's what this baby needs.

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I would not be able to do that.

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If it wasn't for.

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The journey and the lessons that

I've learned throughout this podcast.

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So we tell you all that one to just

give you an insight into the insanity.

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That is my mind right now.

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But also to say, I'm going

to do my best as we go over.

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These next . Weeks months.

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The next year, who knows how long.

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This is very important to me.

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Sharing the middle, the

joyful support movement.

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Is so important to me.

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And to my soul and to my being.

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I also know that sharing is

literally what I'm here to do.

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I as the more that I dive into my

human design and all these different

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things, all the messages are as Lacey.

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Your role in this world is to just

share what's going on with you.

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In your journey and what's been hard.

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And that's, what's going to.

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Be your superpower and making

the world a better place.

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So I'm doing that.

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But

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it's still work.

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It's still stuff to do.

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And sometimes I can't do.

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Stuff.

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Like I said, Sarah.

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Isn't is amazing.

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My co-founder and we're

talking about what.

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Things are going to look like.

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As we continue down this path and.

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I don't foresee myself taking a full.

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Absolute maternity leave.

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And almost any case, maybe like a week.

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Because working on this

stuff is joy for me.

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Sharing makes me better.

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It makes me feel better.

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But I also know that I can't saddle

myself to a specific schedule or whatnot.

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So you're going to share

this messy metal with me.

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I can't tell you what

it's going to be like.

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Exactly.

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I can tell you, I will

do my best to share.

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In the most authentic.

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And comfortable way than I can.

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That I want to hear and listen

to you all as much as I can.

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But I also may just go dark for some time.

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Because I have to.

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Now I do have an episode coming up.

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I had to cancel a bunch of my

interviews coming up because oh,

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I can't.

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I'm still not near pleased to

have a conversation with people.

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That I don't know because it's

a little bit more challenging.

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But my current plan is to stick with

our every other week sharing the

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middles that are going to be some.

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Middle interviews and some.

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Conversations in my life.

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No shame.

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And the home game is going to do

a modified season three, and we're

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going to stick with every other week.

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And we're just going to

keep rolling how we can.

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Because that's the best that we can

do when we're sharing the middle.

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And show up.

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We can share where we're

at the realities of it.

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And keep moving.

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Thank you for taking some time

with me today and listening to.

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What I hope was a coherent.

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But a piece of my soul.

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And my heart.

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And I am thankful that you are with me.

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this unexpected.

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Wonderful.

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Joyful exhausting, too

much middle journey.

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And we'll see in two weeks.

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Thanks for sharing the

middle with me today.

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