I couldn't be more proud and honored to be joined by this week's guest! He asked if he could join me to share his story and how things have changed. Both within himself and his relationship with his dad, where there was a non-existent father/son relationship before. You may have guessed - yes, this is my son, Arthur Forrester.

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You'll hear Arthur talk about how he tried to become invisible to avoid the authoritarian homelife. Then years later, he was faced with determining why he was still holding onto feelings from the past when the people and environment changed. We, as fathers, set the relationship dynamic with our children at a young age. Still, as they grow up, they're left to determine how to address their emotions and thoughts about their past.

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

So the one-year anniversary of living fearless today, uh, he had, had specifically asked, Hey dad, this is what I want to do. You know, it's the one year. And you know, it's my birthday, of course, pulling out the birthday card. I mean, come on. And, uh, so yeah, but, uh, totally excited. To get into this conversation with my son here.

So, Arthur, how are you doing today? I'm

doing great. Mike.

That's the weirdest ring coming from you. Thank you, agent or Arthur?

Much better, man.

Um, so right now I'm actually out of a job. Um, some plans fell through with some friends. I was looking to move, um, the 13th of June, um, plans fell through.

It happens. Um, but you know, it's, you can't do anything about it.

So, yeah, I mean, you've done a great job in researching looking what options and I mean, this is all happened within the last week. I mean, five days most likely would honestly be more accurate. I've been so proud of you in the fact of how you've handled it, because you've, you have stepped into it to research.

Um, Well, I appreciate it. Thank you. Um, I'm turning about 20 shades of red. And so, um, what does life look like on the personal side for you? As far as you know, I mean wife, kids, you know, all those things.

Well, unfortunately, you know, and I'm actually a happy single,

you know,

unfortunately, unfortunately, you know, for the women of the world, I'm unfortunately happy with my status of single.

Trying to do me a heart attack, one thing at a time, one thing at a time. Um,

Monday through Friday

day. Um, but yeah, just kind of. Uh, a new development is my, some of my friends group has started a Bible study on Tuesdays at about nine o'clock.

So that's been, that's been awesome. Absolutely fabulous, incredible, super fun

community and friendship. I mean, that's, I think one thing that's important. You know, to have, I mean, do you, do you see, like when you have friends and you, you have those relationships, you're actually communicating, do you see like you're in a better place?

And so are they oh, absolutely. I

mean, if you remember, when we first moved here, I really didn't have any friends and now, and that was a, that was a dark place, especially, you know, that,

Absolutely game-changer man. Yeah.

And I think the way you guys interact with each other and lean on each other has changed as well. I mean, you guys are still sarcastic as all get out. That's not shame, but you lean on each other. Um, You know, in a, in a healthier way, like you're more open with each other than I think before you would have, do you, do you feel the same way

or so that was what, the, one of the things we kind of talked about in the Crispin and the, um, in the Bible study, we kind of hold each other accountable to.

What do they need to get done? What tests do they need? What, what, how much studying are they doing? Yeah, so that's another thing there. It's an accountability group too. So not only is it spiritually accountable, but also mentally and educationally accountable.

So you guys are looking at life holistically, like mentally, emotionally, physically.

Yeah, whether you're still repping out your dad on a preacher curls.

Absolutely. Got to get that pump

going to come into coming to lead some time.

Yeah. Mentality baby.

So we'll go to the gym and he can, he can outdo me on preacher curl and he absolutely loves it. So it's, it's awesome to have that competitiveness, but, um, I would say there's a different competitiveness now than in the past when you and I have gone to the gym. 'cause I think it was almost adversarial.

Would you?

Absolutely. Yeah. That's how I definitely had look

at it. What was different? I mean, for both of us, we're like, what's changed in you. What's changed in me.

Complete absolutely. 180. Yeah, 180.

Even when we were trying to go and work out, like, let's say three years ago, what was the, what was the. That was aggravating in that time of going to the gym and trying to work out.

So I wouldn't say it was a rub, not, not at least on my side. It was the fact that I,

It's a, Hey, I'm here to push you to your new limits. You have, you have weight goals. And I have, we both have body goals right now. We're pushing each other to be the best versions of ourselves. It's no longer, Hey, I can. Here's here's what I can do, you know, is this good enough for you? Is this, is this new benchmark good enough for you?

And if it's not there, you know, keep, keep moving up that ladder, but now it's, Hey, I'm here. You're here. You need to be here. What can we do to get you up there? And at that wrong, what, what can we, what's the future plan to get up more wrongs? You know, how can we communicate? Efficiently.

My goal is just to be five, able to preacher curl five pounds more than you.

That's an impossible path, man. Impossible task.

it seemed like when we were working out before. In trying to, my intention was to help you have better form in the workouts. How did it come across? Because our intentions are not always the way things are perceived. Yeah. How did it come across before

I had a completely different mindset back then? So again, it was feeding into, I'm not good enough.

And that was my breaking point. I was like, okay. I need to look at this differently. What am I, what am I, what's my mindset right now? What is my mindset? What is that relationship and what is my mindset? And that's the biggest thing, honestly, in life that you have ever taught me, what is your mindset can change your entire dynamic with yourself and with everybody else.

It's, it's a completely, that is your way of life. Almost your mindset is your way of life. And so I. I look at it like in a mirror, like I'm staring myself down in the mirror. Like what, why am I doing this? You are not the same man. You were five years ago. You're not the man. You were three years ago. And you're not the same as you were a year ago.

So that was the breaking point for me. I was like, I need to change my mind about something and something needs to happen. Whether it's a talk, a mindset change, uh, An absence of something and it wasn't that, that's what the absence was. The biggest thing, the absence of that mindset. And everyday you have go ahead.

No, go ahead. You're

good.

And every day you kind of have to work towards that, that, that change of mindset. And, uh, honestly, when it started was when I got my phone case. If you remember that. You're ruining. We were looking at phone cases together and I said, Hey, I really like this quote. And that's kind of what I was starting to get in stoicism as well.

Yeah, that was one of the things that, you know, you talk about these traits that you don't love util you instilled in us. And don't like, you know, that was one of the things that as a, as a child, I watched you at the computer for hours or, you know, whatever it was, you know, it wasn't necessarily the computer, but it was something, you know, it was almost an absence of, of view there.

It wasn't, you weren't really there.

Yeah, I was physically there, but I emotionally checked out. I mean, I was medicating cause you're talking about me playing video games, 12, 15, 18 hours a day to escape. And so I was there, but I wasn't available is what you're referring to. Correct.

But that, that depression, once it finally gets inside of you enough, it just kind of takes hold. And then that's, you know, at that breaking point, but in our relationship, that's kind of when I had to take a look at everything and that's when you had changed as well, you were a changed man. You weren't really gaming at that point.

So I was like, okay, what what's going on? Like, what am I, what, why am I still in this situation? You're not there. And I don't want to be here anymore. So why am I here if I don't want to be here and you're not there? Why am I still here? And so the phone case is a really good reminder of, Hey, you were chosen for a task.

You have a purpose in life. You have people that love you. You have things to enjoy, you know, whether it's Saturday night pizza or beer with the boys on the weekend. Wait a minute.

Okay. Well, uh, downstairs on the weekend, you crack a cold one with the boys.

I a cold Kool-Aid with the boys,

a cold cooler

too late on a summer day on the boys. But, uh, you know, whether it's, it's chilling, chilling out in the hot tub with your boys or going in, going on a drive with them, or, you know, Going to the range and shooting some, letting some led fly. It's just, it goes back to community.

It really does. You have people that love you. You have things that you love to do, and then you just have,

you just have, it's a privilege to live. And that's one thing I looked at it is truly a privilege. And so did

Like you're looking at it and you're still going, Hey, things, things I'm like, I'm not measuring up. Did your perspective in saying, Hey, I do measure up. Or was it that, that I in, you know, your sisters and mom all treated you differently? All of a sudden,

I think it was a combination of pre. So I felt like I'd finally earned your respect.

I had witnessed all these family events and I was like, that's not right. That is not how I want to be treated when something comes up.

That is not how I want to treat my children when it comes up. If it comes up. Um, and then you guys is, once I finally graduated college in high school, then I felt at an academic academically at a level of academics, I'd finally reached respect.

And at that, at that point, I, I feel like I was in a pretty good spot. That was, that was, that was my. My four corners finally meeting a peak.

And. No that's player versus player for anybody wondering, and you go up against somebody put, so I wouldn't compete against him. Um, just because he was that much better. So to me, that's interesting that you felt like you could hold your own when you were already ahead of me in that aspect. Um,

well, I've never, you never played it with me.

You let me retrack, let me retract that you very rarely played.

And PVP, you did

not play with me because that's not my big thing, man. But every time

See what the skills looking like on the other side of the field.

Yeah. Cause you always excelled at that aspect of it, you know, with the PVP, that was something that you excelled in and. I mean, it's just not my game style. Yeah. That's, that's interesting to hear that that's something that it was like, Hey, now I can hold my own when you are already ahead of me.

Um, at least from my perspective and from the statistics in the game.

So,

Yes, they do. And by the way, you do too. Excuse me. Congratulations. Yeah, exactly. I won the lottery that day, but that brings a component where it's like, I get it. You're not, you're not feeling normal because you're going through the lessons. Um, and then, you know, you're trying your hardest, but you're not.

You're not feeling adequate. Now you ended up, um, then going into tech school for welding and machining. And dude, you worked your tail off. You were going to school

mean, and I think you only had like four hours in between there where you got to go from doing like welding in the morning to doing machining.

What was it?

I had one hour for lunch.

Was it really one

hour? It was one hour, two hours. We had one hour. And then one hour for dinner and every day I got ramen from the cafeteria.

Yeah. That wasn't because anything mom and I were doing that was, I want this, okay. Go with what you want, but here are other options.

I was like ramen crows,

dude. You put in work. When, when you, when you went to machining and welding, did you start to gain some confidence for yourself in like how you were selling through those two?

You were doing great on both. You're doing awesome. And then, um, Austin, I know Mr. Maples, um, said, you know, for what you're doing, kid you're, you're going crazy. Mr. Maples was like, dude, you're doing way better than I could ever do. I wouldn't be going off the walls and be absolutely belligerent. And he from the south. So he said, he says a pretty choice words. That I, that I can not use on here.

Uh, but there were some, yeah, he said you're doing absolutely incredible. So those, those really helped me. And then, um, you know, just finally feeling like I'm, Hey, I know what I'm doing. I finally have that self-confidence I know what I'm doing. I can do it on my own. And you know, it was, it was fun. It was a lot of fun.

well, that was, that was where you found confidence. That was an amazing experience for you. Absolutely. And, um, to do you just excelled and transformed within less than a two year period? Um, I do want to go back to, like before I started changing, when it was like, you know, we.

When things were rough, you know, as far as I was, would communicate through yelling and intimidation and manipulation. What is your like, recollection of that time? Like what do you, what do you remember of that?

So

And that was, that was almost every day. And on Saturdays and Sundays, it was games or towards chores then game on Saturdays. And then it was a church church finish up if I had any leftover schoolwork towards if I had any leftover schoolwork and then games now that was my life. And I'm sure you can attest to that because you witnessed that.

And that was, that was my life. That's just how I deal with.

Little

You're like big burly, strong, you know, walk, walk down that hallway with authoritarian and on that little private scrawny scrawny dude, little walking down, walking down the hallway towards the administration of his, and it was just, that was, that was our household. You were the, were the authoritarian figure.

And if something went wrong, all. All hell broke loose.

And that was a lot of the time when things broke loose.

So with that point, how much of a father, son relationship did you feel like there existed between you.

No, it was non-existent absolutely no chance.

Did you have any hope that things would, I mean, like, are you looking at it going, come on dad, like this gotta change.

Not really my biggest. Back then my plan was get done with school as quickly and efficiently as possible and get out of the house as soon as possible.

And, you know, that's, I had a rough patch, you know, every everybody does, uh, after school I took over that welding job, uh, traveling. And that was kind of my escape for a while. I really didn't call or text or anything while I was on the road. But towards the end, I started to say you're important to me. I love them.

I remember there being a face to put on when we were out in public settings, you know that, but other than

that, now, what do you mean by, there was a face put on,

there was a mask. So, you know, like. A lot of people have a mask, you know, when they go out, I put it on when I go out because I have an entry route.

So like, oh, happy, go lucky. Yeah, let's go guys. When inside, I'm just reading every single moment of a crowded room. So no, but it's just, you have a mask you put on, you have a display and the Japanese have a really good, really good theory. You have three faces. You have one word for the world to see you have one for your family to see, and then you have one that nobody sees and that your true inner self.

You have that expectation to keep a hold of, and then your final mask is the one you keep personal. You don't show anybody that is your own mask. That is your true self. That is your inner. So your inner theory, I guess, I don't know. It's weird.

Do you, do you feel like you're able to be. More real with like that family mask.

Is it?

I'm proud of the fact of watching you do that because it's like, I can't make you change. Mom. Can't make you change. There's nobody that can make you change regardless of what life around you may be, the way you perceive it, you know, is going to dictate like what actions you take, right?

Yeah. And so like you just being willing and having the courage to step into it and go, you know, like you talked about earlier, I'm not in the same place. This is not how I want to be. Dad's not, you know, dad's not the same guy. He was like, why am I holding onto this? Um, I mean, That takes a lot of courage to reflect and do that introspective work and go, okay, what's off.

Yeah, I'm going to resent you for the rest of my life. No, no, no more family. Nope. Never again.

Run as fast as you can, right?

Exactly.

Run as fast as you came down that road. Yeah. You can become the road runner from that animation from the current. Yeah. As

long as you don't become wildly coyote, man.

What's that? I just be speeding down that road. Yeah,

exactly. So you talked about stoicism earlier. How did you come to discover stoicism and what is it like? How has it helped you process?

Really great guy has a great podcast. Yeah, I know. I know. You know about it. I will, I won't shut up about it.

No, I love hearing about it because it resonates with you. It's important to you.

It's great. It has some really great books. Uh, you got me. Birthday or Christmas? I think it was Christmas. Um, one of his newer releases called the obstacle is the way great books.

Absolutely incredible. Um, but he has a podcast and it's called the daily stoic. Incredible. And that's, that's really what changed my. I mean, besides you obviously, but, um, besides you making your, absolutely got a world rupturing change

to change, let's put it that way,

right? Yeah. Ryan holiday was the catalyst for me.

There've been, you know, there's just so much to it. If you just dig a little bit, you'll find a lot of great things like momentum, um, love death. I don't know. It's been a while since I've studied, honestly,

would have been thought about, uh, what about that? Just like, why do you like that

momentum ward? It's just to me it means beer be fearless.

So when you're looking at your life and going, am I living fearless?

I'm look, I'm, I'm living life as large as I can. What does that look like for you? Um, in, in how you attack things?

No comment come at it from multiple angles. You know, if you have a problem. And, uh, it doesn't 60. The first time you now have a list of you still have that problem, but you now have a way that, you know, it doesn't work.

I mean, there's just so many. Uh, comparisons you can do there's there's, there's so many things, you know, eat, go, go ask that girl out. And what's the worst she's going to say. No. Okay. What's the big deal what's w you know, go apply for that job. You want what's the worst they say no. Okay. Now ask how you can get the job.

Well, don't do things recklessly. I retract that live life recklessly and have fun. That is. Live it with fire, live it with passion, do things you're passionate about.

Let it be an adventure, not just a blip on the radar. That's mediocre. Exactly.

Live your life. Don't let life live you. Yeah. Very true. Well there see the worlds.

So what within, you talked about Ryan, Ryan holiday's book of. Obstacle is the way, what was like your favorite part in it that, you know, you you're just like totally ecstatic about the book. Like what was your favorite thing about it?

have a favorite kid. I just don't tell you guys who it is. That's your favorite son,

right?

I'm my own favorite child.

You are. I'm sure your mom's

not going to lie.

She's five kids.

Yes, but I'm the oldest. So what was one of the things that you would say, like if you could, in part one. Message to me like one lesson. What would you say is like a takeaway from obstacles? The way

this is going to be very smart Alec, uh, response. But my response would be go read the book in the entirety and then come talk to me about what, what was your favorite?

It's it's an

awesome book. So you want to have a conversation?

Um, but, um,

the obstacle is the way is a very, in a way it's a very self-explanatory book. It goes through the challenges of, like I was saying, you, you have a problem, you have a summit, you can use. Okay, throw a solution at the wall. It bounces off, throw another solution at the wall bounces off and that's flying.

That is completely acceptable. That is failure is an acceptable outcome. As long as you're persistent at it. As long as you at some point, find us. Don't give up on it. Don't give up. You don't just don't give up. I mean, it's

On both sides. So it's the same constant. Okay, so just so what's that just keep going at it through all the solutions you can muster at it.

Just be persistent,

be persistent and keep going at it. Yeah.

How do you adjust from there? Like, um, you have, have kept your head up again. You've not looked to blame anybody, yourself, or anybody else, but you've, you've continued to look at it positively. How are you going about doing that when the news isn't what you want. You know, it's actually the opposite of work.

Seems like it's closing at this point. What do I do?

It was difficult. It really was difficult. I mean, I allowed myself some breathing room just in case. Um, that's I sent out the text as asking if, if plans are still on with the person I was getting help from. And he was like, I don't know. Uh, some, some stuff, some personal stuff came up and I don't think we'll be able to help anymore.

Yeah. I mean, you can never prepare for these types of things. Right? You can never, it's never really prepare truly. Um, but you can adjust course. You can, you can drive a Nair. Um, you can drive a feeling a certain way. Right? So I'm, I'm still this am I disappointed? Absolutely. Um, I am frustrated. And I mean, there's nothing you can do though.

it seems like you've done. Like a reflection on what's going on. Is this something that I did wrong?

No. Is this something anybody else did wrong? No. Okay. Things happened because it was events on their side as well. That then impact your decisions, but you're also looking at it and going, okay, what other opportunities does this open up now? And how do I handle it? So it's like, even though you're disappointed in the way things have gone.

You're still optimistic.

Um,

you know, about, about the opportunities that are before you, you know what I mean? Um,

You can't rewind, you just have to keep going.

Yeah,

well, Arthur, thank you very, very much for joining me, man. It is such an honor to have you join me to see the change that is going on in who you are as a man now and who you're continuing to become. Um, totally, totally proud of you and a dude. You do measure up. I'm glad that that voice of not measuring up is gone, you know, because it's opened up opportunities and, and, and

our relationship.

a different lifestyle and

I'm totally honored and blessed, so thank you. And, uh, you know, it'll be a few days after the. That it's your birthday. So happy early birthday

and the congratulations on one year of being a podcast.

Thank you. I appreciate your support. Yes, sir.

That's my friend for joining me on another episode, if you found the information within the show, helpful, please leave a review on the platform you're listening to helps raise the show's visibility so other men can join us in breaking free. So you on the next episode, and remember to continue putting yourself out there, have a great one.