You can be successful, accomplished, and ambitious and still struggle in love.

In this episode of Notes to Her, Yaya explores the disconnect many women experience between professional confidence and emotional self-worth.

If you’ve ever felt like you know what you deserve but keep accepting less, this note will help you reconnect with yourself and reset your standards without guilt or shame.

Inside this episode, we talk about:

1. Why success doesn’t automatically translate to healthy relationships
2. The difference between independence and emotional self-abandonment
3. How self-love acts as a filter for who gets access to you
4. Why emotional safety matters more than potential
5. How standards protect your peace, not push love away

Subscribe so you don't miss the next episode: Do You Even Like Yourself? A mirror episode about why your relationship with yourself sets the tone for everything else.

If this episode spoke to you and you want to connect with me directly, you can reach out to me on Instagram @coachingwithyaya.

Follow the podcast account and share it with a friend or tag us on Instagram @notestoher.daily.

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Foreign.

Hey, girl.

Hey.

Welcome back to Notes to Her the daily pep talk.

I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach, here to help you to stop shrinking, stop abandoning yourself, and start choosing yourself with intention.

And before we get into today's note, I want to share something quick.

So note 40, which was two episodes ago, wrapped up our Sunday Scary series.

So if you enjoyed these Sunday resets, if they grounded you, helped you breathe a little easier, or made Mondays feel less heavy, then I'd love to hear from you.

This podcast is for you, so your feedback truly matters.

You can leave a review or send me a note on Instagram or threads and tell me what landed.

It truly helps me shape these notes in a way that supports you best.

All right, so let's get into today because today's note is for the woman who is ambitious, driven, building a career, a business, a life that she's proud of.

But when it comes to love, she settled in places she would never settle anywhere else.

She's successful on paper, but under loved in private.

And if that made you pause for a second, stay with me.

Because today we're talking about the quiet truth so many women avoid.

You don't need a man to be successful.

But if you want partnership, love and connection, self love is not optional.

Foreign.

Let's talk about it.

I know so many women who are absolute powerhouses.

They pour deeply into themselves professionally.

They got degrees, they've climbed ladders, they've advanced their careers, they are running businesses and killing it.

They've become highly educated, highly skilled, highly capable.

They've invested time and money and energy into becoming successful on paper.

But no one ever taught them how to develop themselves personally.

No one taught them how to work on their confidence, how to face their fears, how to heal from trauma, and how to build self worth outside of achievement.

So now you've got a woman who's accomplished but still questioning herself in love, brilliant, but tolerating emotional and consistency.

Successful, but settling for less than she deserves.

And then there's another group of women, women who know what they deserve, women that know their worth and they know they want more.

But they still settle because they don't want to be alone.

They accept a man who gives bare minimum energy.

They ask for basics and don't even get that.

They pour in effort, consistency, loyalty, love.

And in return, they get confusion.

And that's how heartbreak happens, because you deserve more than crumbs.

You deserve the sun, the moon and the stars.

And when you keep giving queen energy to somebody who is only offering Convenience, it will only end in disappointment.

Don't ask me how I know.

Let me say this to you without judgment, without shame and lots of love.

You do not need a man or a partner to be successful.

And you don't need a man or a partner to feel complete.

But if you want partnership, which most of us do, standards are non negotiable and not surface level standards like high income or aesthetics.

I'm talking about real standards.

You need a man who genuinely likes you.

Someone who enjoys your company.

Someone who enjoys talking to you.

Someone who can sit in silence with you and still feel connected.

You deserve emotional safety.

You deserve a partner that you can be around without walking on eggshells.

Someone who listens, someone who cares.

Someone who treats you with consideration and respect.

Because I see too many women dating men who manipulate them, lie to them, take advantage of their kindness and give inconsistent effort.

And the woman stays because the man checks a few boxes.

But emotionally, he is not showing up the way that she is.

That imbalance slowly erodes your confidence.

And love is not supposed to feel like anxiety.

No.

Here's the truth that most women don't want to hear.

People only do what you allow.

If you allow yourself to be disrespected, it will continue.

If you allow inconsistency, it becomes a standard.

If you accept less than you deserve, that's what will keep showing up.

But when you know your worth, you move differently.

I promise you.

Not in a mean way, not bossy, not controlling.

You simply don't negotiate your standards.

You don't beg for effort.

You don't chase clarity.

You don't explain why you deserve respect.

You hold yourself in high regard.

And when you treat yourself like the queen that you are, it creates a natural filter.

Now let me be real with you.

That does not mean that a man won't try to offer you less.

Because trust me, some will.

I have personal experiences with this.

But when you truly love yourself, you don't waste time entertaining what doesn't match your energy.

You will walk away sooner and you won't over explain.

You don't internalize this mismatch.

That's self love in action.

Self love is not a phase.

It's not something you dabble when it's trendy.

It's a lifestyle.

When a woman truly enjoys herself, she protects her energy.

She's careful about who has access to her time, her money, her heart and her body.

She understands that mental health matters.

Her physical health matters.

Her nervous system matters.

She doesn't want to just live in fight or flight mode.

She doesn't want constant anxiety, stress or emotional chaos.

She wants peace.

She wants safety.

She wants regulation.

And the more a woman loves herself, the more she pays attention to how someone treats her, how they talk to her, how they show up, how consistent they are, and how they make her feel in her body.

Because love should feel grounding, not draining.

And once you experience that level of self love, you stop settling.

Not because you're cold, because you're finally aligned.

So if you're a woman who has her life together but feels disconnected in love, hear this.

You are not asking for too much.

You are asking from a place that is ready for more.

And the work doesn't start with finding the right person.

It starts with deepening the relationship you have with yourself.

If this note resonated, follow the podcast because you don't want to miss what's coming next.

Because next week we're going even deeper into the conversation.

We're talking why self love is a non negotiable for confident women.

I promise you don't want to miss that one.

Sa.