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36: How To Be In The Not Knowing
Episode 3630th August 2023 • Mystical Sisterhood • Maureen Spielman
00:00:00 00:24:46

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Your host, Maureen Spielman, joins you today to discuss how to be in the not knowing. It’s an uncomfortable place we find ourselves and so many of us find ourselves there in some way, shape or form. The not knowings take the form of medical challenges, relationship changes, kid issues, and mid life purpose questions. The truth is that we never really know what’s to come but learning how to be with the emotions that come up for us is the key to discovering what you truly need in the moments.

EPISODE TAKEAWAYS (what you’ll learn):

  • The process of sitting still to access your answers
  • What circumstances bring up the feeling of not knowing
  • Learning how to be in the knowing; re-learning how to be
  • Realizing that outer challenges are not here to be judged
  • Our tendency to want to fix or make something go away
  • Emotional practices to get to what’s underneath your feelings

References mentioned:

Michael Brown, The Presence Process

Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God, an uncommon dialogue

About the Host:

Maureen Spielman is the Founder of Mystical Sisterhood, a podcast dedicated to bringing more joy, healing and expansion to the world. She is a seasoned life coach who supports individuals through one-on-one coaching, groups and workshops.

Connect with Maureen:

● Check out her Instagram: @maureeenspielman

● Learn more about her work at www.maureenspielman.com

● Want to join our Mystical Sisterhood Membership community? Find out more here: https://www.maureenspielman.com/mysticalsisterhood

● Email Maureen at hello@maureenspielman.com to inquire about coaching, podcasting & speaking engagements

● Want to view Mystical Sisterhood episodes? Visit the Mystical Sisterhood YouTube Channel here: Magical Sisterhood Youtube

Thanks for listening!

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Transcripts

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Hey there, welcome to mystical sisterhood. This is

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your host, Maureen Spielman. I started the show to highlight

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the intuitives, healers and other courageous women that I've

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met along my journey and continue to meet. Through

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amazing interviews, I seek to ask insightful questions to

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uncover ways in which you the listener can apply the wisdom

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and knowledge to your own life. I believe that we're all in this

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together. So sharing healing and joy, and bringing community

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together is both my passion and purpose. If you'd like to learn

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more about the mystical sisterhood community I'm

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building please visit www mystical sisterhood.com See you

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in the episode.

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Hello, and welcome back to mystical sisterhood. This is

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your host, Maureen Spielman. And today I am here on another solo

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episode called How to be in the not knowing, I always say these

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are as much for me as they are for you. So I think the things

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that we're attracted to, in our lives are part of what we need

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to learn.

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Today, I decided to switch away from what I was going to

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originally talk about, and follow where I was being guided,

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I've been going through a lot on a few different levels with a

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close friend. And there's a lot surfacing in my heart, my

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emotions, my mind and on the soul level, a lot of questions I

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have, and ways of being that I continue to try to be with and

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grow with. So I knew last week that I didn't have a guest lined

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up. And so I thought, okay, there's gonna be a solo episode.

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And based on what I had going on in my life, I was thinking of

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the topic choosing between, or the choice that we have between

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love and fear. But it didn't feel quite right. And I got to

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Monday morning, and I thought, What am I going to talk about?

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And so I did a practice, which I often do, which call it

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meditation, call it getting still. But I sat, turned my

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timer on for 15 minutes and ask the question, What am I meant to

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know here? And what am I meant to share or talk about today,

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and what really came up strongly was, How comfortable are we,

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when we don't know. And when we are in what I'm calling the not

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knowing. So I was really thankful that that came to me

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and spent the morning, you know, putting it together and try to

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figure out what I was going to say. So I think this is about

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learning to be in the not knowing. Because we are so

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conditioned to do that. It's really truly a relearning how to

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be, which I believe, is a real learning because we came in

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knowing how to be and then we were conditioned away from it.

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But I really thought that this could be

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a good topic, because a lot of us find ourselves in the not

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knowing all the time, we might be faced with a

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some outer experience or challenge either we're having or

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a person close to us is having an that could be like a really

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close friend or partner, or a child. And I just want to be

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with you and say it can feel really, really hard. And to be

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seen in how that can feel. And on the human level on the

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emotional level. It's real, it's real and to be seen, and that is

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super important.

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And I think it's we don't have a roadmap, right? And every

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situation is different. So when we come to something in our

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lives that feels challenging for us, partly it's because we don't

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know what's next. We don't know what's going to come. And I and

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I was thinking about it, and thinking, well, what are we

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uncomfortable with? Are we uncomfortable with the not

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knowing? Or and it can be both? I'm just asking the question,

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are we uncomfortable with the emotions that are coming to us

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around it? And I think I know for myself, like for so much of

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my life, I kind of push down the emotions, that it's really the

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sort of like there's a renaissance of being with the

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emotions, learning to be with the emotions, learning to feel,

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how they feel in my body.

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And all of these things. So just to name you know, a few

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outerworld things I've seen people going through and you

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know, maybe not having

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And answer to. And that being part of that not knowing that

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can feel frustrating is our people that may be either going

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through a medical crisis, something that is really big,

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and not not knowing necessarily what's to come how to navigate

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it.

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It can really, if we're just looking at it in one way, take

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us under a tidal wave. And I've seen that happen too, with those

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going through ongoing, sort of, like, what seemed like more

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chronic conditions medically. And that can be really trying

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and challenging to because you may be in the case where you're

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doing what you can to heal it or integrate what your your past

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into your present, yet it still presents. And so that's, that's

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a way that the not knowing what's to come can be really

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frustrating. I think an example of one I've seen a lot too, in

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recent years, especially since COVID. And I have to believe

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it's because also what our kids are going through all the

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pressures that they have, and the race for their attention

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with their phones, and any sort of tech is, I'm gonna call it a

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mental health crisis or an emotional health crisis,

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however, you

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name it. I just feel like, it's really, really, really difficult

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to see our children go through challenges, and also for us as

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parents to experience the feelings and emotions that come

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along with that. Because the truth is, we never know, we

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never know what's next. And so we can only do, what we know how

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to do and learn or relearn what we've forgotten to do in the

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circumstances. And we'll kind of talk about that as we weave in,

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you know, the conversation today. But I think that when we

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have or I know from my experience, when there's

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something with a child, a lot of fear and anxiety can come up

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around it. So I'm sort of naming different sort of, I'm going to

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just call them feeling states or emotional states that can come

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up around whether it's frustration, anger, sadness,

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fear, anxiety, all sorts of things, anger that comes up. So

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that come up in the not knowing for us. There's also a midlife

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crisis, where we are coming to midlife and thinking like,

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what's my purpose and what's next for me, and then not

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knowing and feeling like time as time is going by and you can't

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possibly like, quote unquote, figure it out soon enough. And

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that can be very frustrating. I feel like I went through a lot

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of that in my 40s, for sure.

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And then I can't believe I didn't put this one first. But a

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relationships, relationship not knowing, perhaps being on a

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short term or a long term relationship and not knowing it

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can be really uncomfortable place. Because we're so

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conditioned to find the answer be hard on ourselves for the not

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knowing.

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Look to fix or change a situation, instead of knowing it

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might be here for us in our learning. And but I want to

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Nate, I wanted to first name because for most of us, it is

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our experience, that these things can feel tiring and

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exhausting. And it's so understandable that that, that

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they do feel that way. Because they can feel bigger than life

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when we forget that we're part of it. And we're creators within

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it.

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So for you, you know, just posing that question to you what

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comes up for you when you don't know what's next? What emotions

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or feeling states come to you that you either sit with or

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don't and there's no right or wrong in that. But how is it

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that that shows up for you when you don't know.

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I feel like for me

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I I'm I am kind of between both worlds. Because if you've been

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listening for a while, you know that I'm a believer that we're

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having this human experience. Right and and and we were souls

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that we have souls within us and we're having a human experience.

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So there's the both and there's the we're held by the benevolent

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universe, and how is this for me, but there's also the truth

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in navigating

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our path and path with our loved ones within ourselves. So sort

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of doing this dance between both sides, and we're learning how to

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be with both of them.

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So that's what happens to me. And when there's something big

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in my outer world these days I find myself like straddling

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between the two of the soul and then the human experience. And I

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think that an intention I have for myself

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Because I think that the,

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the soul side has such softness to it is that I, I intend to

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come to that side first for myself, and then I can be with

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the human parts too.

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My soul seems to know, there's something bigger at play in a

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lot of situations. And, and I think when I'm in that space, I

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would love to hear your thoughts on this I can trust.

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But my mind and my ego I'll call it desperately wants to fix the

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situation to make it better, like I said before to make it go

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away. And it's so understandable it would because it seems like

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it would be so much easier. And on many levels it is It wouldn't

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be right if we didn't have to

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have the challenges that we do. So I said about the friendly

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universe, I was just rereading parts of conversations with God

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by Neale Donald Walsch. And in it, he says the way to reduce

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the pain you associate with earth experiences and events,

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both yours and others, is to change the way you behold them.

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So when they come into our world,

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being able to sit with them, as to not judge them the

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experiences. But to know that they're here to, for us to

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remember our true. Remember our light that which we lost long

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ago, because this lifetime is about discernment, right? Like

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the what we want more of and in what we want to experience less

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of, but it's all that path back to home back to our knowing back

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to our truth back to our light. And you are in the process of

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rediscovering I believe if you're listening to this, and

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you're listening to either me or any of my guests, you are on

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that process of remembering and changing your inner experience

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of the outer experience.

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I know I get a little I think misaligned or what feels like

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off center when I'm so much in in the other side of it like the

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the ego, the human mind the fix it.

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I think I'm looking at it as wanting, wanting to have this as

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understandable, a less painful or pain free experience. But I

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think we're all reminded that life isn't pain free. And if

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we're here to remember who we are, then we're going to

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experience a wide range of experiences. And my need to fix

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it is a product of thinking it's wrong to begin with.

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So yeah, another turning point for me. And I think that in the

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book, The Neale Donald Walsch book, it helped me remember

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is when there's something an outer event happening if it's an

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illness, or a child, or a relationship. And this was one

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that I didn't start learning until about three years ago, was

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that I'm not a victim to those circumstances. But I'm a creator

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of what I'm seeking to experience and redefine as my

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experience, as opposed to whatever my experience was in my

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childhood.

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Because I think traditionally the not knowing, for me could

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feel like a helpless place. And circumstances can feel so much

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bigger than us. But it's getting quiet. It's getting in the

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being, it's getting in the stillness and going inward. That

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helps me feel more of the knowing the finding my answers,

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just like I did when I started out today, like, what's my

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answer? What's here for me to share today? And the answer that

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came was shocked about the not knowing and how uncomfortable it

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can be and how to be with our emotions and sit with them.

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So learning to be with what comes versus thinking that I

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need to do as well. I love how Michael Brown of the presence

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process says this is this is a good one. The only way out is

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through and the only way through is in because they always heard

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the only way out is through, but I never really was hearing them

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the only way through is in inward. So is there an emotion

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or information that can come up for us in the not knowing

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because the not knowing is how something appears, the

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frustration and the emotions that come and the question of

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where can you turn when you don't know. And although we've

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been conditioned to think that the not knowing is on

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comfortable. And I said this in the beginning, but I'll say it

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again, perhaps it's because sitting with the emotion that

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come up that comes up. So the emotions that come up with not

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knowing is the part that's uncomfortable.

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So I believe that. And the more I work with myself and I work

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with individuals, is that we have that richness within us.

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And it's the peeling back of the layers and shedding of the

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conditioning that allows us to get to the heart of the matter.

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So let's go for a few ways that I do this in a few more points.

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To reference, if it's a process that you're curious about. And I

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may have said this in my other solo episodes, but it's the

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process of going inward. So I think it's what I'm seeing more

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and more is how important it is to make intentional room for

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yourself. We all lead busy lives, and it's really hard to

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find the time to go within. But I encourage you to find that

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space and time, every day, whether it's the first thing you

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wake up in the morning at 536 3730. Or, you know, if you

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get to take a break in the afternoon, or if not in the

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evening. But making that intentional room for yourself

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knowing that your soul connection and going within for

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your answers is nothing is more important. Your soul is always

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guiding you. I know one way that I avoid making the room for

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myself is to really fall back on that old busyness. And I know

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you guys so many can relate is, is

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distracting I work out of my home. So Geez, it's always a

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dishwasher to be emptied, or some food to be eaten or

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just something that keeps me from sitting and being still.

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And this morning, I did it with my 15 minutes. And I don't even

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think I made it through the 15 minutes. But I got a lot of gold

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when I was there. But I think that when we go to the question

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of

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how does the discomfort and the not knowing show up for us, when

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we don't know

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is knowing that there's a message to listen to in any and

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all emotions, feelings, experiences that come to you.

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That's, that's the inner richness. That's your emotional

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intellect.

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I actually saw I was up in Madison, Wisconsin yesterday.

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And I think I saw a therapeutic place like a counseling center,

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and it was called, was actually called the gift of emotions. And

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I usually don't see that on a therapeutic

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center. And I thought it was really beautiful because it was

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just so therefore you like let's talk about it, let's let's

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unwrap the gift of the emotions. They're here to guide us and

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bring us back.

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And to go within an ask. So if you feel the emotions, the first

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part is to feel them, where do they surface in your body. And

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just be with them and breathe with them. And you know, often

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not sure about you, but for emotions for me, especially if

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there's a tough outer circumstance. I can feel them,

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right. They're there. They're right there. They're right on

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the surface. And so this morning, I looked up a yoga

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playlist, because music is one way that I use to move emotions.

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And I was really intentional about it today because I knew

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that there were some to move. And so you hey, we all know the

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music that can allow our tears to flow and our emotions to

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come. Even if it's anger to come out. There's music for that,

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too. It's really important. But when the emotions come to you,

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if you can sit and ask them, What are you here to tell me?

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What are you here to tell me? And I think quite simply in my

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not knowing of my outer circumstance, I was being caught

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in the doing. And then I pull myself into the beam and into

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the setting and into the feeling and then into the inquiring and

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the compassion of what are you here to tell me?

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Is there a need here that I have that I have forgotten? And is it

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is it that in this case Maureen needs solace? Maureen needs

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compassion, Maureen? Because we forget often to include

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ourselves in the equation when we're dealing with the outer

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world. Of course, you know, it's like Who me but I believe we are

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all reawakening to this together and we are finding that nothing

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is more important. So what do you need at the moment?

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Is it compassionate language? The language of understanding. I

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see you I hear you that inner dialogue for yourself, not for

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the other for yourself.

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have someone to hold your hand and even

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just to read parenting, and that's a whole nother episode of

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coming back to ourselves, and re mothering and re parenting and

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repairing what we didn't get in our childhoods, because often,

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most likely, the emotions coming out for us are reminiscent of

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something from our past. And I'll ask you what is the truth?

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That is here for you to remember. The not knowing may be

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here for you to rediscover and recreate who it is you are

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becoming. And I bet when you sit with it, you will remember a lot

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more than you give yourself credit for. Because we can't,

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can't always get to the answers. If we're not quiet with

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ourselves. If we're not inquiring with ourselves.

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I'd say committing to hearing yourself, and that what is

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inside of you. And uncovering the answer is help you heal. And

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in turn, you will be able to give

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I think more freely, more fluidly more in flow to others

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on the outer world, when you learn to be with yourself in the

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inner world and go to your needs. First and foremost. And

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then I think an important part for me.

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And let me know what you think I'm missing today. But is to

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lean into your safe and trustworthy relationships. So

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allow yourself even as you're kind of being with whatever your

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outer situation or challenge or experiences, lean into the safe

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and trustworthy places.

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Reach out if you're looking to find what that might be for you.

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And maybe we can think of ideas. But

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I don't know today. If this question of how can we be within

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that knowing or being within that knowing support you at all.

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But it's meant to be a moving from whatever you're

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experiencing on the outside, to bring it into your own inner

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process and experience. And it will help you I believe,

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navigate with the little stuff and the big stuff. And learning

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that in our being we can find answers.

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Sometimes a lot faster than we can and are dealing and pair it

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with you're doing that make sure you're doing the Bing

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or Bing Bing.

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Thanks for listening today. As always, I appreciate it. If you

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haven't left a review, Apple is the platform where reviews are

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collected. And I'd be so grateful if you pop down there

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for a moment to give it a rating and a review. It helps the work

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become more exponential.

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And if you want to reach out and continue the conversation, you

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can email me at hello at Maureen spielman.com. I'm all about

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transforming any older paradigms into newer paradigms. It's a

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huge love of mine. And for both personal and professional, and

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just

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getting goodness out into the universe. We're all needed for

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that.

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In the mystical sisterhood membership, like I always say we

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discuss topics in this really soul centric way.

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And I'm always committed within that forum and platform to

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conscious conversations. So I plan to put together a few

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workshops for the fall. So take a look at my website soon.

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That's a Maureen spielman.com And you'll find mystical

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sisterhood.com connected there.

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But many, many thanks for being here. I hope this assist you in

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some way, even if there's one sentence in here or one quote,

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or anything that you can take out into your world and share

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with somebody. One has a million as they say. And that's it. So I

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will see you on the next episode with our next guest and stay

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well.

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Thanks for listening to this episode of mystical sisterhood.

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If you love what you heard, please visit Apple podcast and

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subscribe and leave a review and share with a friend if you're

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called to do so. To learn more about my one on one coaching

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programs, or join the mystical sisterhood membership. Visit

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Maureen spielman.com or mystical sisterhood.com Thanks so much.

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I'll see you in the next episode.

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