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Episode 12: Clowns - 1 vs 5 Star Reviews
Episode 1225th August 2021 • Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald • The Review Queens
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It’s another VERSUS Special Edition Episode! The Review Queens review both 1 and 5 Star Yelp Reviews of Clowns dot com! Whose Views Win? The Queens marvel at child-birth, march for Stub-Victims, scream to get out, and contemplate a So Freakin Cheap lifestyle. Don’t forget your shoulder pads!  Mila & Shawn.

(01:20) Special Announcement

(06:14) Lodge A Complaint

(14:58) 5 Star Review

(28:31) Meryl-Go-Round

(33:53) 1 Star Review

(48:27) There's A Reply

(57:05) My Royal Highness


*****

Leave us a voicemail at 1-850-REVIEW-0

WATCH CLIPS on YouTube!

Visit our website for more: www.ReviewThatReview.com

@TheReviewQueens | @ChelseyBD | @TreyGerrald

---

Review That Review is an independent podcast.  Executive Produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound design by Trey Gerrald.  Cover art designed by LogoVora, voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky, and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

Transcripts

TREY:

Hi.

CHELSEY:

Hello.

CHELSEY:

I love pretending like I'm Natalie at the end of the riff and I can do that.

CHELSEY:

So fun.

TREY:

With your little wagging finger.

CHELSEY:

Yes.

CHELSEY:

So good.

TREY:

Hi everyone.

TREY:

Welcome to Review That Review the podcast dedicated to reviewing...

CHELSEY:

reviews!

CHELSEY:

We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we

TREY:

That's Chelsey Donn,

CHELSEY:

and that's Trey Gerrald,

TREY:

and together we're...

VOICEOVER:

The Review Queens.

TREY:

We are so excited that you were all joining us today for yet another episode.

CHELSEY:

That's right.

CHELSEY:

Thank you guys so much.

CHELSEY:

We can't do what we do.

CHELSEY:

We can't have a podcast without listeners like you, so thank you.

TREY:

That's true.

TREY:

It'd be really sad otherwise.

TREY:

Very beautifully said, my Queen.

CHELSEY:

Oh, thank you!

TREY:

Oh!

CHELSEY:

Oh my goodness.

CHELSEY:

The time has finally come!

TREY:

Is today the day Chelsey?

CHELSEY:

It tis!

CHELSEY:

Trey and I are so thrilled to announce two very special winners today.

TREY:

That is right.

TREY:

So today we get to announce who the winner is of our rate and review raffle.

CHELSEY:

Oh my God.

CHELSEY:

But guess what?

CHELSEY:

We entered all the names for our listeners who left us reviews.

CHELSEY:

And instead of selecting just one,

TREY:

Yall, we selected two because you got two review queen hosts.

TREY:

So you gotta get two review queen winners.

CHELSEY:

That's right.

CHELSEY:

We both got our golden tickets and we both assign those.

CHELSEY:

Let's get that drum roll, please.

CHELSEY:

The first winner is...

CHELSEY:

J D Fit!

CHELSEY:

Woo!

CHELSEY:

So excited for you.

TREY:

And the second winner is...

TREY:

terigamble.

CHELSEY:

Woo!

CHELSEY:

Oh my God.

CHELSEY:

Congratulations Queens.

CHELSEY:

You are our winners!

TREY:

You will both be receiving a gorgeous enamel pin.

CHELSEY:

Stunning.

TREY:

Pen, P I N.

CHELSEY:

Yes, Chanel would be proud.

TREY:

Chanel!

TREY:

And then they'll also be receiving this ballpoint pen.

CHELSEY:

Lovely.

TREY:

And it also is coated in some like antibacterial thing!

CHELSEY:

UGH!

CHELSEY:

Bonus!!

TREY:

Bonus!

TREY:

And then we're also going to throw in a coffee mug.

TREY:

As a surprise.

CHELSEY:

Oh My God!

CHELSEY:

Look at that we are full of surprises.

CHELSEY:

Maybe even like a little personal note from the Queens.

CHELSEY:

Possible.

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

Some, um, nudies, some Nudie Judy's

CHELSEY:

I'm...

CHELSEY:

Trey.

CHELSEY:

We'll be sending you nudes.

CHELSEY:

I will send you some chicken noodle soup.

TREY:

I didn't say it would be our nudes.

CHELSEY:

Oh, good point.

CHELSEY:

Good point.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

Wow.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

But in all seriousness, thank you, everyone who participated, We really do appreciate

TREY:

We appreciate you.

CHELSEY:

Yes.

CHELSEY:

Thank you guys so much for those amazing five-star reviews.

CHELSEY:

Keep them coming.

CHELSEY:

We have something else in the wings.

CHELSEY:

Don't you worry!

TREY:

Don't cha worry.

TREY:

So Chels-Chels.

CHELSEY:

Yes.

TREY:

How's your week been my queen?

CHELSEY:

It's been good.

CHELSEY:

I'm still in, you know, full puppy mode over here.

CHELSEY:

So that keeps me busy most of the time, but I just wanted to let our listeners know in

TREY:

Yes, I was!

TREY:

I've been worried.

CHELSEY:

I know.

CHELSEY:

I know we were all kind of worried about that.

CHELSEY:

So I have a new plan, it's just the first step.

CHELSEY:

It's not like gonna take me to the finish line, but if anyone ever like

TREY:

Oh, I love that.

CHELSEY:

Right.

CHELSEY:

Isn't that a good plan?

CHELSEY:

So it's like, would you like some water?

CHELSEY:

Yes.

CHELSEY:

The answer has to be yes.

TREY:

I really love that.

TREY:

How did you find, like, come up with that idea?

CHELSEY:

Somebody asked me for a water and I was like, this might be the

CHELSEY:

And for that request, I shall say, "Thank you.

CHELSEY:

Yes.

CHELSEY:

I would love a glass of water."

TREY:

Wait, I literally thought you were going to be like, well, I read this book about

CHELSEY:

Somebody asked me.

CHELSEY:

And in that very moment, I was just like here and now for as long as I can

CHELSEY:

cause they're just trying to help me out.

CHELSEY:

Or maybe they're like secretly like, oh, she looks really dehydrated and I should take the hint.

TREY:

I love that.

CHELSEY:

So that was the lesson of the week for me.

CHELSEY:

What did you learn any lessons this week, Trey?

TREY:

That's a really great phrasing.

TREY:

I learned a lot of lessons this week.

TREY:

My sister gave birth to her second child.

CHELSEY:

So cute.

CHELSEY:

I saw a picture.

TREY:

Miles was born.

TREY:

And so I flew down to Charlotte, North Carolina, so I could be with my family and help with...

TREY:

actually the day that we are recording this as the day before her other child's second birthday.

CHELSEY:

Oh!

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

So

CHELSEY:

I'm so glad that that worked out.

TREY:

Me too.

CHELSEY:

They have their own birthdays.

TREY:

I know!

CHELSEY:

The last thing your sis...

CHELSEY:

and your sister's birthday is also around this time.

TREY:

My Mom's.

TREY:

Yes.

TREY:

Good job.

CHELSEY:

Oh, your mom.

TREY:

We talked about this in an early episode.

TREY:

Yes.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

I remember.

CHELSEY:

See, I'm listening.

TREY:

I appreciate that.

TREY:

I really learned a lot about how amazing the human body is truly.

TREY:

It is.

TREY:

Childbirth is remarkable and amazing and, you know, just unconditional

TREY:

Really is spectacular.

TREY:

And I'll tell ya, temper tantrums are also spectacular.

TREY:

I didn't have that many.

TREY:

Elliot's a wonderful child, actually.

TREY:

Some anyway, so okay.

CHELSEY:

But, when they do happen, you're kind of like, I get it.

CHELSEY:

You're lodging a complaint.

CHELSEY:

I hear you.

TREY:

Speaking of, you want to, um,

VOICEOVER:

Lodge A Complaint!

TREY:

Chels Chels?

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

I always have to have my temper tantrum at the beginning of every one of our shows.

CHELSEY:

And I'm going to have a temper tantrum right now.

CHELSEY:

I know I, I always offer up invention ideas.

CHELSEY:

I hope that all of a sudden, we get a plethora of inventors listening

CHELSEY:

Like maybe this is like Magic Eraser level realness right here.

CHELSEY:

But like, can somebody make furniture stub-proof?

CHELSEY:

Like, is that just a thing we could do?

TREY:

Oh my God.

CHELSEY:

I, the amount of times I stubbed my toe, like when I, when I got Goldie my

CHELSEY:

And so my body is just very used to certain furniture being in

CHELSEY:

So the amount of times that I stub my toe on an average week is just, it's taking

CHELSEY:

Y'all, it's painful.

CHELSEY:

And I just want somebody to help me out and we can baby proof things.

CHELSEY:

You know, we've made so much progress in so many areas.

CHELSEY:

Can we stub proof stuff?

TREY:

You know, that David broke his toe.

CHELSEY:

Stubbing?

TREY:

Stubbing his toe.

TREY:

the weekend of the lockdown of the pandemic.

TREY:

And he was, it wasn't furniture though.

TREY:

It was like the laundry door was sort of a jar...

CHELSEY:

Oh, that's a stub!

TREY:

And he stubbed the toe and it broke.

CHELSEY:

Oh my goodness.

CHELSEY:

See, it's terrible.

CHELSEY:

I mean, I think we all experience this.

CHELSEY:

nobody is doing a walk for the stubbed toe victims.

CHELSEY:

You know what I mean?

CHELSEY:

Like,

TREY:

There's no Federation for them.

CHELSEY:

There's nothing.

TREY:

But I'm glad you're giving a voice to that.

TREY:

Stubbing your toe is similar to like a paper cut.

TREY:

It's like so stupid and little, but so excrusiating.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

And even though it doesn't last, like God-willing like all that long, unless you break a toe,

TREY:

How would you design furniture to be unstubbable?

CHELSEY:

Thought about this a lot.

CHELSEY:

Cuz I thought, Trey might ask me for some suggestions, for the people that are listening.

CHELSEY:

I feel like it'd be nice if everything could be covered in like a down pillow.

CHELSEY:

You know what I mean?

CHELSEY:

Like, without it looking like really heinous.

TREY:

My first visual is just like, uh, like fluff marshmallows on every corner.

CHELSEY:

Yeah, exactly.

CHELSEY:

Like if every corner of furniture could just have a fluff marshmallow on it, I

CHELSEY:

So just the thought for those inventors out there, I'm lodging a complaint against

TREY:

That's good.

TREY:

I hear you.

TREY:

I hear you.

TREY:

And that is.

TREY:

I hear you.

CHELSEY:

Thank you.

CHELSEY:

I feel heard.

CHELSEY:

I do.

CHELSEY:

All right, Trey tell us you lodgin?

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

So I, I feel like the air travel comes up often when we're lodging a complaint, but

TREY:

And then everyone like rushes down, they unclick.

TREY:

Yes.

TREY:

They're unclicking and everyone jumps up.

TREY:

My complaint is when people are in rows behind you, but they're pushing to get out

TREY:

And it's like, you're like behind my row.

TREY:

It's the same thing with people crowding around the luggage carousel,

CHELSEY:

Oh, really?

CHELSEY:

Is that true?

CHELSEY:

Is it like, does this not happen in other countries?

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

It's not, like Europeans don't have that societal...

CHELSEY:

...aggression?

TREY:

I guess, um, right.

TREY:

They're all eating eclares, but, and then it's also the same thing about like, when

CHELSEY:

There's an order of events here and it involves me leaving and then you entering,

TREY:

But I, um, the older I get the less polite I'm becoming, like, I'm

TREY:

So these two ladies, like they were behind me and, you know, I was like, get

TREY:

And so I was like, "excuse me, can I please get out?"

CHELSEY:

Oh, geez.

TREY:

And I said it before I realized I had said it.

CHELSEY:

Right.

CHELSEY:

It came out aggressive.

CHELSEY:

And then you're like, oof, I have to match that.

TREY:

But.

TREY:

Go screw yourself.

TREY:

Like, what are you doing?

TREY:

Like, and also it makes me mad because I walk very fast.

TREY:

I'm always in a rush.

TREY:

Like it's like a thing from, I think being bullied for being gay in middle school.

TREY:

Like I'm always, I'm head down, I'm walking really fast.

TREY:

So like, I know I'm going to pass you when we get out of the airplane.

CHELSEY:

Right.

TREY:

So like, don't try to pass me.

TREY:

Anyway.

CHELSEY:

Right?

CHELSEY:

Like you're not a slow mover.

CHELSEY:

Like sometimes you find a slow mover every once in a while on a plane.

CHELSEY:

And they'll say, go ahead, because they know they're going to take a minute.

CHELSEY:

That's a dangerous move in my opinion.

CHELSEY:

Because like, when does the go ahead stop?

CHELSEY:

Unless you really don't care.

CHELSEY:

If you're the last one off the plane, then by all means.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

But that also really stresses me out.

TREY:

You know?

TREY:

Like I know that like, uh, people that need special assistance, they have to

CHELSEY:

Sure.

TREY:

But sometimes I'll notice people that don't seem like they seem like

TREY:

And that stresses me out.

TREY:

Like the opposite end of the spectrum.

TREY:

Like I got to get off this plane, but like, I'm going to let you go before me.

CHELSEY:

Yeah, I was gonna say, Cause then are you like, oh, all of a sudden

CHELSEY:

Do I stop at row seven to let them go?

CHELSEY:

Or do I keep going?

CHELSEY:

Cause you don't want to be a hypocrite.

TREY:

So like, I hate that I'm even going to say this, but I have flown

CHELSEY:

Sure.

TREY:

And that's the worst when you are like row three.

TREY:

And like the people from the main cabin are like rushing into like beat you off the plane.

TREY:

I hate that I even said that.

TREY:

Um, anyway, that's my complaint.

TREY:

It's just once again, just please, like everyone be considerate.

TREY:

Like what does it cost you to let the person stand up?

TREY:

Pull their bag out of the thing.

TREY:

I often will just travel with a book bag.that's under the seat in front of me.

TREY:

So I don't even have stuff above often.

CHELSEY:

So you can just get out.

TREY:

So it's like, what does it cost you to wait six seconds?

CHELSEY:

I get it.

CHELSEY:

You're like, you're like, I'm not in the hall in the like thingy, like

TREY:

I'm not going to take a long time, honey bunches.

CHELSEY:

Right.

TREY:

Okay, so you better just shut up.

TREY:

You better stand there and you better let me get out.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

Cause if you don't, I'm going to say, excuse me, can I please get out?

TREY:

And then I'm going to be like, oh, Ooh, Ooh, Ooh, I'm turning into that Mama Chihuahua thing.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

It's okay.

CHELSEY:

Everyone has that moment.

CHELSEY:

I totally get it.

CHELSEY:

I also think that the airport brings out the worst in people.

CHELSEY:

Like whatever is your thing that makes you annoying your worst at the airport.

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

Cause it happens before like getting on the plane and they're going in zones and it's

CHELSEY:

And they're standing in front of you and you're like, excuse me ma'am can you please

CHELSEY:

They'll call yours in a half hour.

TREY:

Yes.

TREY:

So that's my verbal complaint.

TREY:

Thank you for hearing me out.

TREY:

I feel, I feel lighter.

TREY:

And so now I want to take on some heavy hitting written complaints.

TREY:

How about you, Chels?

CHELSEY:

I think it is time for us to take some heavy hits.

CHELSEY:

So as you guys know, Trey and I are your trustee Review Queens, we

TREY:

we dissect the nitty gritty.

CHELSEY:

And then we rate them on a scale from one to five crowns.

CHELSEY:

It's a very Regal process that we call

VOICEOVER:

Assess That Kvetch!

TREY:

And guess what listeners, you know, because we have titles, but today we

CHELSEY:

That's right!

CHELSEY:

It's another special edition episode!

CHELSEY:

Whoop Whoop!

TREY:

Today.

TREY:

We're going to cover a one-star and a five-star review on the same topic in an

TREY:

In the middle

CHELSEY:

That's right.

CHELSEY:

For this versus episode, I selected the five-star and Trey selected the one-star.

CHELSEY:

So to determine who reads first, we got to flip that quarter.

TREY:

So I called it last time.

TREY:

So you call it.

TREY:

this time.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

I'll call it.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

Okay you ready?

TREY:

And go.

CHELSEY:

I'm ready.

CHELSEY:

Heads!

TREY:

It's heads.

CHELSEY:

I'm so good at this game.

CHELSEY:

Wow.

CHELSEY:

That was the second time in a row that I guess correctly.

TREY:

And here we go.

TREY:

We're going to do five first, which is interesting.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

We're going to do five first!

VOICEOVER:

Review That Review.

CHELSEY:

All righty.

CHELSEY:

My review today is a five-star review from Yelp.

CHELSEY:

It is written by Corrina R, sorry.

CHELSEY:

I'm wrong.

CHELSEY:

It is written by, sorry.

CHELSEY:

I just misread it is written by Karin R.

CHELSEY:

Who is an elite reviewer.

TREY:

Tell us Chelsey, what is the subject of today's episode?

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

So the subject of today's episode of vs is clowns.com.

CHELSEY:

Yep.

CHELSEY:

clowns.com.

CHELSEY:

Trey, you want to tell the listeners a little bit about the service.

TREY:

Sure.

TREY:

I, yes I do.

TREY:

So, so clowns.com or as Yelp calls it, Clowns.

TREY:

Is a clown party, equipment rental magician entertainment company.

TREY:

It's located in New York.

TREY:

This is a company that you can hire to bring delight, joy and fun to your

CHELSEY:

Very good synopsis, love that.

CHELSEY:

All right.

CHELSEY:

So without further ado, Karin R uh, this is our five-star review of clowns.com.

CHELSEY:

So a few weeks back, I got suckered into accompanying a friend and her little

CHELSEY:

Not going to lie.

CHELSEY:

I was dreading it.

CHELSEY:

Who wants to go to a child's birthday party when they themselves have no children?

CHELSEY:

Let me also add that I, myself work with children, so chilling with them

CHELSEY:

So as we are approaching the party, my friend says, by the way, there are going

CHELSEY:

Fantastic.

CHELSEY:

But really.

CHELSEY:

It was awesome.

CHELSEY:

Mila and Sean were so engaging and silly, so fun and so sweet with the kids.

CHELSEY:

And they did an incredible job keeping the flow moving naturally from the way they

CHELSEY:

Without hesitation, if I ever have the need to hire entertainment myself, or if I could

CHELSEY:

And I would tell tell to request Mila and Sean.

CHELSEY:

Thanks guys for making it a fun time for all.

TREY:

Karin!

TREY:

I have a lot of questions.

CHELSEY:

Okay, let's...I'm, I'm ready.

TREY:

It's very interesting to me that Karin was a guest.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

Me too.

TREY:

And left a review.

CHELSEY:

Yes.

TREY:

What do you think about that?

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

Here are my thoughts.

CHELSEY:

I did think about that but let's remember this: Karin is an elite Yelp reviewer.

CHELSEY:

So I think that Karin is the type of person that anytime she goes anywhere, not only

CHELSEY:

And so for that reason, I feel like it is appropriate that Karin,

TREY:

Incredibly said.

TREY:

You just totally swayed me on that.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

So it's very interesting to me.

TREY:

This is, um, I'm planting a seed here, it's interesting that this reviewer has mentioned

TREY:

You know, if this is a major company, they have a roster of entertainters...

TREY:

entertainers.

CHELSEY:

"Enter-taint-ers!"

TREY:

That's like a drag queen thing.

TREY:

So, I'm glad that Mila and Sean were highlighted for being so excellent.

TREY:

I also did write down flow.

TREY:

That Karin really pointed out that they were excellent at keeping the

TREY:

And so, you know, I imagined Karin has an acute awareness of what it takes to

CHELSEY:

Yeah!

TREY:

So I appreciated that.

CHELSEY:

Yeah, I liked all the details that she gave us.

CHELSEY:

What I thought was so funny about this review, to me, was like, it was almost like we got

CHELSEY:

I was like, oh, maybe they like made a mistake and they put five stars cause she was really

CHELSEY:

Great.

CHELSEY:

You know?

CHELSEY:

And then she just pivoted to like how awesome it was.

TREY:

I appreciate that.

TREY:

Cause I think like, except I think I would have the opposite reaction.

TREY:

Like I don't need to be around children, but if there were children in entertainment, I would,

CHELSEY:

Then you would be into it?

TREY:

I mean, the word fantastic that was in the review would be serious to me

TREY:

I want to see this Elsa.

TREY:

I want to see how committed she is to letting it go.

TREY:

Like I would be into that.

TREY:

I love balloon animals.

TREY:

I love magic.

TREY:

Like I would totally be into that.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

I want to point out oddly enough, for some reason, everywhere else in this

CHELSEY:

We have ellipses, we have all capital letters.

CHELSEY:

We have exclamation points.

CHELSEY:

Fantastic is written on its own line without exclamation point.

CHELSEY:

So truly left up to the reader, I guess.

CHELSEY:

It's literally just the word.

CHELSEY:

Fantastic.

CHELSEY:

No exclamation point, no question mark.

CHELSEY:

No period.

CHELSEY:

No ellipses.

TREY:

Interesting.

CHELSEY:

No written hints, but I assumed that we were still in the part of the review

CHELSEY:

And that, cause she says, but really it ,was awesome.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

It was great.

CHELSEY:

It felt like,

TREY:

I think you read that right.

TREY:

I mean, it feels correct.

CHELSEY:

Yeah, I think She was, truly surprised by her own.

TREY:

delight.

CHELSEY:

Delight.

CHELSEY:

At what she experienced.

TREY:

So, do we think that Karin is being truthful here?

TREY:

Because it did occur to me.

TREY:

Is this like the owner's friend?

CHELSEY:

I have that thought for a second, because like I said, it felt like almost set up

CHELSEY:

Like, it did feel like all of a sudden we went from like this grounded,

CHELSEY:

a little.

CHELSEY:

Right?

CHELSEY:

Like I would, without hesitation, like I ever need to hire entertainment.

CHELSEY:

So.

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

And they, Karin mentions Mila and Shawn twice by name,

CHELSEY:

Yes.

CHELSEY:

However, every five star review that I read referenced the people

CHELSEY:

I did remember that there were a few names I saw consistently like, oh wow,

TREY:

This happened to me today.

TREY:

Randomly.

TREY:

I went to get a haircut and I needed to find a place to go.

TREY:

And at the end I asked for her card and it was the person's name that

CHELSEY:

There you go!

TREY:

I don't think there's much humor here, but it doesn't really matter.

TREY:

I mean, we are talking about clowns, which are pretty silly, so I would

CHELSEY:

Yeah, but I think Karin takes her job very seriously.

CHELSEY:

I will say like, maybe it wasn't the most ha ha ha ha funny, like Shenice that started

TREY:

Correct, yeah.

CHELSEY:

And backstory that like she's, I would say a middle aged person that is of

CHELSEY:

Right?

CHELSEY:

We learned that

TREY:

I love when you do this,

CHELSEY:

What?

TREY:

I love when you create a whole backstory.

TREY:

That's my favorite.

TREY:

Honestly.

CHELSEY:

If I was like in intelligence and I was breaking down this review,

CHELSEY:

Cause I mean, instill until we had the one error where she said.

CHELSEY:

In the end.

CHELSEY:

And I just, I always read it, you know, the way that it's written, she says I

CHELSEY:

And I would tell tell to request Mila and Sean.

CHELSEY:

That was like one error, but other than that, like everything was sort of

TREY:

When you read that, I thought the tale tell heart.

TREY:

That's like how I, I didn't even think that it was T E L L T E L L like the, they put the word twice.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

They put the word.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

Like

TREY:

I have an opinion here, but I'm going to mention it in the crowning.

CHELSEY:

I'll just say quickly in terms, because this is a versus the episode.

CHELSEY:

I do wish that there was a part of this review that had talked about the process of

CHELSEY:

I think I'm ready to crown.

TREY:

Yeah, I think so too.

TREY:

Let's do it.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

So Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards.

TREY:

In an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another.

TREY:

We will simultaneously review reveal our rating.

CHELSEY:

Oh my god.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

VOICEOVER:

The Queens are Tabulating.

TREY:

You ready?

CHELSEY:

I need a minute, I need my half!

TREY:

Spoiler.

CHELSEY:

Oh, sorry.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

You ready?

CHELSEY:

I'm ready.

VOICEOVER:

Total score!.

TREY:

I have two and a half crowns and Chelsey has three and a half.

CHELSEY:

I have three and a half crowns.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

Trey, explain yourself.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

I'm just going to say look, my opinion is that it feels a little planted to me.

TREY:

I think either Mila and Shawn, said it would be really helpful if you like if

TREY:

Or Karin knows Mila and Sean, I'm not saying that is what is, but there is

TREY:

I do understand that, like you're getting a personal experience.

TREY:

And so you would like tip them because they are the actual ones and whatever, but I don't know,

TREY:

And so I'm sticking with that.

CHELSEY:

Fair.

TREY:

So I said two and a half crowns because the impact here is like,

TREY:

It does make me think that I'm going to need Mila and "Schwan."

TREY:

I don't know why I keep saying it that way, but it's fun for me.

CHELSEY:

We're from New York.

CHELSEY:

It's fine.

TREY:

So I gave it two and a half crowns because it was, wasn't very humorous to me.

TREY:

And come on, this is a review about clowns.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

TREY:

So I wanted some fun, so, but it was to the point.

TREY:

Good.

TREY:

Solid.

TREY:

Five-star.

TREY:

that's why I did that.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

So why did you do three and a half?

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

First of all, like I want to say that HammondCheeseSandWitch, if you're listening,

CHELSEY:

Like, I always think about you when I am reviewing.

CHELSEY:

So that being said, I feel like I know Karin.

CHELSEY:

I know who she is.

CHELSEY:

For me, personality plays a big part.

CHELSEY:

I hate with a capital hate reading reviews that feel like, just canned and the same thing

CHELSEY:

And for me, that's like a huge Queen factor and I felt like I knew Karin.

CHELSEY:

And for that, like, I, gave her high points.

CHELSEY:

It was written well, I understood her POV and I understood, that she was surprised by,

CHELSEY:

I didn't really feel like it, it was fake.

CHELSEY:

Maybe I'm too trusting, but I believe Karin R had this experience.

CHELSEY:

And I took off a couple of crowns or one and a half crowns, I guess, because I wanted

CHELSEY:

So for that reason, I took away the one and a half, but a three and

TREY:

Totally solid.

CHELSEY:

Tipping my crown off to you as an elite reviewer.

TREY:

Who's turning into Paula now.

CHELSEY:

I'm gonna again say Hammond, you've changed my

TREY:

C-c-c-cold hearted ham and cheese sandwich.

CHELSEY:

I know.

TREY:

All right, so awesome.

TREY:

Great.

TREY:

That's our five-star of the company, clowns.com.

TREY:

We did it.

TREY:

So we're going to take a quick break.

TREY:

And then when we come back, we will hear an entirely different side of the story.

CHELSEY:

I love it.

CHELSEY:

BRB,

TREY:

BRBzy!

TREY:

Don't you go anywhere,

CHELSEY:

Please don't go.

VOICEOVER:

Hold your crown.

VOICEOVER:

We'll be right back.

TREY:

It's game time, everyone.

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

It's time for us to take a quick spin on the Meryl-Go-Round.

VOICEOVER:

I don't feel like an icon.

VOICEOVER:

Most of the days, I feel like 'I can't!' That's with an a!

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

Here's the deal.

CHELSEY:

Trey and I have each picked a rotten, scathing, pithy one-star zinger.

CHELSEY:

And with 30 seconds, not a second longer on the clock.

CHELSEY:

We'll take turns, trying to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible.

TREY:

Just like queen Meryl, who can do it all, henny.

CHELSEY:

Yep.

CHELSEY:

She does no wrong!

CHELSEY:

Before the clock runs out.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

So I will go first since you read the five-star.

TREY:

So today my one-star zinger is from amazon.com.

TREY:

It is for the Bri brizzled brizzled solar string lights, outdoor.

TREY:

This has nothing to do with how I was burned by these LED lights behind me.

CHELSEY:

I think it might.

TREY:

This is a different company and these are for outdoor.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

So this is from Heather.

TREY:

The subject is they arrived tangled.

TREY:

Received.

TREY:

And it's tangled.

TREY:

Can't even untangle it to use it.

TREY:

Please wrap the wire around a piece of cardboard and not itself.

TREY:

Disappointed.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

It's long it's long.

CHELSEY:

I was gonna say, I don't know how pithy, this pithy review is, but I'll allow it.

TREY:

I, I love that.

TREY:

Like, Heather is so mad that she's like, or they are, like, I am going to

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

I mean, at least she gave them some sort of instructions for how they could improve.

CHELSEY:

I need like a handicap or you, you need like an extra 10 seconds or

CHELSEY:

You did this to yourself at the end of the day.

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

Cause I'm going to, it's a challenge.

CHELSEY:

Yes!

CHELSEY:

All right.

CHELSEY:

I can't wait to hear it.

CHELSEY:

Are you ready?

TREY:

Yes.

CHELSEY:

Let's do it.

CHELSEY:

Courtroom drama, fro saved, and it's tangled.

CHELSEY:

Kenny, even untangle it to you is please wrap the wire around a piece of cardboard and not itself.

CHELSEY:

Just

VOICEOVER:

melodrama

TREY:

bang, go like on to even untangle it too.

TREY:

You wrap the wire around a piece of cardboard and that itself is a boy PLC

CHELSEY:

reality.

VOICEOVER:

Recite that Angus tango

TREY:

tiny, even untangled it to gauge it.

TREY:

Please wrap the wire around a piece of cardboard.

TREY:

Not self-discipline.

TREY:

Oh, I only got three.

TREY:

I really handicapped myself.

TREY:

I can't do this ever again.

CHELSEY:

That's what I'm saying.

CHELSEY:

I don't know what you're thinking.

CHELSEY:

This is a game.

CHELSEY:

Trey.

TREY:

I guess I'm living in the past because of how I was burned by Brookstone led lights.

TREY:

But

CHELSEY:

It's true.

CHELSEY:

Anyway, that was hilarious.

CHELSEY:

That TLC read alone should get you cast in something because...

TREY:

I mean, that's the kind of stuff that my sister and her husband watch.

CHELSEY:

That's so funny.

CHELSEY:

Like what, like, what was your inspo for that?

CHELSEY:

Like duck dynasty or something?

CHELSEY:

Like what was that?

TREY:

No!

TREY:

'cause they don't, they don't like gay people, so I don't support duck dynasty.

CHELSEY:

Sorry!

TREY:

There's this show called Extremely Freaking Cheap or something, or like Very Freaking Cheap.

TREY:

And it's just like people that are like doing the most outright.

TREY:

It's all fake I'm sure.

TREY:

But it's a reality show where they're like, literally doing

TREY:

And so they kind of stay on like that.

TREY:

They sound like they're trying to save the money.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

Anyway,

CHELSEY:

Is that how people sound when they're trying to save money?

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

All of them!

CHELSEY:

Wow.

CHELSEY:

Anyway.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

Now it's your turn.

CHELSEY:

It is my...

CHELSEY:

I'm stalling.

CHELSEY:

As you can see.

TREY:

I think I'm going to win with three.

CHELSEY:

You might.

CHELSEY:

So my review is from costco.com.

CHELSEY:

It has a one-star review of Nature's Garden keto snack mix, the 24 ounce variety a two pack.

CHELSEY:

Um, it is written by Mary Brown and the subject is nasty stuff.

CHELSEY:

Threw it away.

CHELSEY:

And the review, the zinger is Ick!

CHELSEY:

Made my stomach upset.

TREY:

Okay!

TREY:

It's a really good one.

CHELSEY:

Thank you.

TREY:

All right, you ready?

CHELSEY:

Yes!

CHELSEY:

Televangelist.

CHELSEY:

Make my stomach upset.

CHELSEY:

Magic show appropriately

CHELSEY:

made my stomach upset.

CHELSEY:

Designate my stomach upset, soap opera

CHELSEY:

near

CHELSEY:

my stomach upset.

CHELSEY:

I don't film

CHELSEY:

my stomach upset.

CHELSEY:

Musical theater,

CHELSEY:

Abra diva.

VOICEOVER:

That's all

TREY:

4, 5, 6, 7.

CHELSEY:

Wow.

TREY:

Seven continues to be the highest that's ever happened.

CHELSEY:

That a really high score in my opinion.

CHELSEY:

Wow.

CHELSEY:

But my I'm in, like you had not a chance, Trey.

CHELSEY:

Like, I feel like I can't even accept the win.

TREY:

You accept this win!

CHELSEY:

Alright, I'll accept the win.

CHELSEY:

Thank you.

TREY:

You never want to accept the win.

CHELSEY:

It's hard to accept the win.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

I think that's a metaphor for something, but we'll...

TREY:

Just, honkin take it.

CHELSEY:

Honka-honka.

CHELSEY:

Yeah I like that.

VOICEOVER:

Review That Review.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

We are back from that rousing game break with Meryl and it is Trey's turn.

TREY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

Are you excited, Trey?

TREY:

I'm excited.

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

So I am covering the one star review for clowns.com and I like you, had a challenging

CHELSEY:

Tina R

TREY:

And here's the review.

TREY:

Iron Man came a half hour late past the 3:30 to 4:00 PM.

TREY:

window.

TREY:

Arrived at four 30.

TREY:

He was not dressed or ready to entertain.

TREY:

In fact, he got dressed on my front stoop.

TREY:

Where the children saw him getting dressed.

TREY:

He was not in character whatsoever and didn't speak or make a peep.

TREY:

This was supposed to be a character experience and interaction.

TREY:

Instead of coming in character and bringing the Iron Man persona, he awkwardly

TREY:

His suit was a red leotard.

TREY:

At least put some shoulder pads in and bring some excitement.

TREY:

My husband and I were completely embarrassed and he was the joke of the party.

TREY:

dot dot dot the, caps, joke.

TREY:

Never again, will I use this company nor will my guests.

TREY:

Horrendous Iron Man!

TREY:

Absolutely, the biggest let down for my son and his fourth birthday.

TREY:

I even called when I scheduled and told them exactly what our expectations were and Christian

TREY:

"Oh yes.

TREY:

This is a character experience and interaction."

TREY:

Couldn't be the farthest thing from that.

TREY:

They sent the complete opposite of Iron Man.

TREY:

Every kid saw through him.

TREY:

My husband called to discuss what had happened with the manager.

TREY:

And he had zero compassion and didn't even offer merely a credit or slight refund.

TREY:

We could have picked up a better Iron Man hanging around times square.

TREY:

In fact, those are probably better!

TREY:

A complete embarrassment.

TREY:

I'm mortified.

CHELSEY:

Wow.

CHELSEY:

I got to say, I always laugh at these four year old birthday parties where

CHELSEY:

I feel like Tina really just summed it up for us in that last sentence.

CHELSEY:

When she said she was embarrassed, because I feel like going into this, Tina was

CHELSEY:

And I'm going to do them one better.

CHELSEY:

Like I'm not going to have just an Iron Man cake, which I will have, I'm going to have Iron Man.

CHELSEY:

And then when, when it just didn't pan out the way that it, it had panned out in her

TREY:

Oh, yeah.

CHELSEY:

Anyway, Tina, first of all, when you were talking about, Iron Man getting dressed

TREY:

Oh Yeah

CHELSEY:

because I'm picturing in my head, the children watching, and then

CHELSEY:

Cause I was thinking like, that is like a number one no-no!

CHELSEY:

Especially when you're going these kids' birthdays.

CHELSEY:

It's like, if you're showing up as the Easter Bunny, you're the Easter

CHELSEY:

You don't put on your Easter Bunny suit on front stoop.

CHELSEY:

Like how traumatic can you imagine?

CHELSEY:

Tina's like, "Brayden!

CHELSEY:

Brayden, like Iron Man is here!"

CHELSEY:

Like Brayden comes running to the window with all of his friends to see Iron Man

TREY:

Right

CHELSEY:

Like how dramatic.

TREY:

Not that I think that this is Tina's responsibility, but why wasn't the

CHELSEY:

Well, I just feel like, again, like prior point, like you got it,

TREY:

Wait, does Iron Man have a mask?

CHELSEY:

Yeah!

TREY:

You can't drive in the mask.

CHELSEY:

I don't know if it was a decent costume, I would think it would have a separate head piece.

CHELSEY:

So like you could wear the rest of the outfit and then toss the head piece on, right?

TREY:

Wait, but it's so funny to me that they are even pointing out like that this

CHELSEY:

I know, I felt like Tina really wanted to bring this Iron Man up to her

CHELSEY:

And just like grab all the like shoulder pads and like boob inserts from all

TREY:

What do you think the audition process is to like become one of these employees?

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

So here's what I'm curious about.

CHELSEY:

When was this review written 2019.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

So this was written.

CHELSEY:

All right around the same time as our other reviewer.

CHELSEY:

I, yeah, I was just thinking like, did clowns.com get like, too big for their britches?

CHELSEY:

Like we're just grabbing anybody we can grab at this point and throwing them at the party.

CHELSEY:

Like, it definitely seems like there's some quality control issues.

CHELSEY:

And interestingly enough, I'm pretty sure that all of their five-star reviews that I did read

CHELSEY:

I feel like everybody that had a really good experience had pretty much.

CHELSEY:

just the like traditional clowns and the magic show and the bunny.

TREY:

I really want to honor the just the one star that I've chosen, but I had a hard time picking.

TREY:

And you mentioned that a lot of the five stars mentioned the performers by name.

TREY:

And what I happened to notice is that the huge, vast majority of these one

CHELSEY:

Oh, that's interesting.

CHELSEY:

Well, that kind of makes sense.

TREY:

A lot of the storytelling that's happening when you look at these one star

CHELSEY:

Right.

TREY:

And this review doesn't totally go into that other than the fact that like nothing

CHELSEY:

Right.

TREY:

But I liked this review because I was once hired in college to

TREY:

When that movie came out with Tom Hanks

CHELSEY:

Yes.

TREY:

And I had to dress up as a train conductor and I had to like punch

CHELSEY:

Oh, that's cute.

CHELSEY:

I can see you doing that.

TREY:

No one had their tickets.

TREY:

And so like five minutes then I was just like, I'm not doing this, but the

TREY:

And I like really did not do the job.

TREY:

So I just like, was reminded of that experience about how this person is

CHELSEY:

Yeah, like, she said that they didn't speak.

CHELSEY:

Like, were they just silent the whole time?

TREY:

Not even a peep.

CHELSEY:

Not even a peep, so Iron Man came in, he's partially dressed

CHELSEY:

Based on the fact that she's saying he's only wearing a red leotard, I think he was

CHELSEY:

So not dressed.

TREY:

This is really a problem because if you can select an Iron Man character, then like

TREY:

Like that is insane.

TREY:

Total Tina, Tina, his point, that is a problem.

TREY:

You've signed a contract and the person didn't even make a peep.

TREY:

So, you know, I'm probably going, gonna have a problem here.

CHELSEY:

Yeah, I agree.

CHELSEY:

I think that Tina R is fully justified in her review and experience here, but I do just

CHELSEY:

It's just like, they became the joke of the party they were embarrassed.

CHELSEY:

maybe we could have made lemonade out of lemons, but in this situation, I just

CHELSEY:

She was like, Peggy, you're going to be shocked with this big thing that I have.

CHELSEY:

Like, she like told all their friends, or like maybe on the, the like invitation,

TREY:

Wait, I just looked up on the website.

TREY:

You can't even get a quote.

TREY:

You have to call to get a quote, but this image of an, of what Iron Man is, is so terrifying.

TREY:

It is not what I thought.

CHELSEY:

Like in a good way or in a bad way,

TREY:

Like in, a terrifying, hilarious way.

CHELSEY:

Oh

TREY:

Here, I'm gonna send it to you.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

Please send it to me.

CHELSEY:

I'd love to see it.

CHELSEY:

Patreon.

CHELSEY:

You can...

TREY:

This is like, not what I thought the Iron Man would look like,

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

I mean, my nephew really loves Iron Man and I've seen Iron Man quite a bit.

CHELSEY:

So I feel like...

TREY:

What's that guy, Robert Downey Jr?

TREY:

Is he Iron Man?

CHELSEY:

Yeah!

CHELSEY:

I'll be able to give a fair assessment.

CHELSEY:

I think.

TREY:

So this does not look like that.

CHELSEY:

Oh.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

I get it.

CHELSEY:

It's Iron Man-esque.

CHELSEY:

So this is like, oh, wow.

TREY:

I mean, that doesn't exactly look like a leotard to me...

CHELSEY:

But I understand the leotard comments.

CHELSEY:

So basically what it does, maybe the guy forgot his shoulder pads,

CHELSEY:

Cause he was dressing on the stoop, but like...

TREY:

But if this thing is lingering around.

CHELSEY:

That's so gross.

TREY:

It is going to become the talking point, especially with the parents.

CHELSEY:

Right.

CHELSEY:

Under the right attitude.

CHELSEY:

I feel like it could be hilarious.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

TREY:

I mean, I kind of want this now.

CHELSEY:

And to your point.

CHELSEY:

If I saw this online, I don't think I would be expecting anything fabulous to show up at my door.

CHELSEY:

Like this is pretty janky.

CHELSEY:

This is what it looks like to me.

CHELSEY:

If somebody was wearing football pads and, and like knee pads underneath a

TREY:

I mean, it doesn't even look like,

CHELSEY:

It's hideous.

TREY:

I agree.

TREY:

No, I agree with Tina's last few sentences.

TREY:

Like that's not the Iron Man costume you're going to see it in Times Square.

CHELSEY:

This is actually much worse than the Iron Man costume that my nephew wore

TREY:

But when did all those movies come out?

TREY:

Maybe we're thinking of that Robert Downey Jr.

TREY:

Movie version.

TREY:

And this was maybe before that, who knows

CHELSEY:

Who knows, either way.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

It sucks.

CHELSEY:

I wonder if they added that to the website after this review, just to be like, and if you want

TREY:

We also didn't talk about how he came half an hour late.

CHELSEY:

I mean, this is, this is a pretty unacceptable experience.

TREY:

A lot of the negative one-star reviews will say that the performers were really great,

CHELSEY:

Oh, interesting.

TREY:

But this is, this sort of was an anomaly.

TREY:

It does leave the impact for me that I need to like, do a little, like more digging.

TREY:

Cause maybe I should do like a princess rather than like a guy superhero character.

TREY:

it seems like maybe you can't guarantee what you're going to get.

TREY:

Like, this is horrible.

TREY:

I mean, if you hired an Iron Man and he was lurking around and didn't even come dressed.

CHELSEY:

That being said, like, what is the case for one scenario is likely the case for another.

CHELSEY:

I mean, yes, like I said, the five star reviews that I referenced had much

CHELSEY:

So I think if you ordered something a lot more generic from clowns.com, you could

CHELSEY:

Like they dress up as birthday fairies or whatever.

CHELSEY:

And a lot of those people.

CHELSEY:

They put their own costumes together, you know, like they, they, they

TREY:

So, I mean, it did, it did occur to me like just Tina not have like a 20 year

CHELSEY:

I'm telling you, Tina, like she thought she was rolling out the red carpet

TREY:

She had to beat Betsy!

CHELSEY:

And she told the kids, yeah, she had to beat Betsy and all the kids were going

CHELSEY:

And the dad needed to be there to take the photo.

CHELSEY:

And we wanted this to be really good.

CHELSEY:

And I think that Tina is justified.

TREY:

I do too.

CHELSEY:

Was I laughing?

CHELSEY:

I wasn't really laughing.

CHELSEY:

How was the spelling and grammar was that all good?

TREY:

It's all good.

TREY:

They, almost every time there's an explanation mark it's multiple times.

CHELSEY:

And then do you feel like if you are looking up this service to, you know, hire

TREY:

Yes!

CHELSEY:

...your willingness to yeah, I do too.

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

I do let's crown this.

CHELSEY:

Yeah, let's crown him,

VOICEOVER:

The Queens Are Tabulating.

TREY:

You ready?

CHELSEY:

I'm second guessing myself.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

I guess I'm ready.

TREY:

Total Score!

CHELSEY:

We did it.

CHELSEY:

We're unanimous.

CHELSEY:

Four crowns, four crowns.

CHELSEY:

I gave Tina four crowns because like I said, it was impactful.

CHELSEY:

Uh, it seems honest, seemed like pretty much an unacceptable scenario.

CHELSEY:

Didn't really seem like they did anything when she called up to rectify the situation.

CHELSEY:

I think this is good information that I'd want to know if I were, you

CHELSEY:

So for that reason four crowns.

CHELSEY:

How about you, Trey?

TREY:

Everything, you said, the only reason I didn't go with five, cause I did find

CHELSEY:

Right.

TREY:

So, I gave it four because I feel like this is very valuable information

TREY:

But I also think that like, you know, maybe if you get a different performance.

TREY:

If you get Mila and Sean, they're really going to go above and beyond.

TREY:

So four crowns.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

If I was going on yelp, but I specifically wanted Iron Man and I searched Iron

CHELSEY:

Deal breaker.

CHELSEY:

But I think for me, it's like, if I want to Minnie Mouse, I might search that and have a

CHELSEY:

But I do think it's a deal breaker for the Iron Man.

VOICEOVER:

There's A Reply!

CHELSEY:

There's a reply?!

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

So I have been sitting over here biting my tongue, this entire episode recording because Chelsey, I.

TREY:

You are not ready for this.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

I'm scared.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

I am scared for when this episode goes live, because I think that this owner is going to

CHELSEY:

Stop it.

CHELSEY:

Well, okay, owner, if your list saying like this is a comedy podcast so don't come after us.

CHELSEY:

We're just having fun.

TREY:

So I could play this little there's a reply sound effect 20 times because dear God, there

TREY:

His name is

CHELSEY:

There's multiple replies.

TREY:

The business owner has replied so many times.

TREY:

This business owner is ruthless.

CHELSEY:

All of a sudden it's a soap opera, there's a whole twist.

CHELSEY:

She's really her mother and also...

TREY:

the twin and has died and come back to life.

TREY:

Alright.

TREY:

So whenever there is a reply it's awesome because it gives us the opportunity because

CHELSEY:

True.

TREY:

So this specifically may not be the case because there are so many replies

TREY:

So I'm going to read five topics.

TREY:

And then I want you to just to pick one of the five and that's the one

TREY:

And then anyone else who's curious can go onto Yelp and just go into the dark,

CHELSEY:

Wait, And I just need to clarify really quickly before I pick.

CHELSEY:

This is all a reply to Tina R?

TREY:

No, Tina R actually doesn't even have a reply.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

But I had to include this because this business owner is so communicative on Yelp.

CHELSEY:

Wow.

TREY:

All right.

CHELSEY:

All right.

TREY:

So I want you to pick a reply topic.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

I'm ready.

TREY:

Your choices are bunnies.

CHELSEY:

Interesting.

CHELSEY:

Yep.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

Humiliation.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

Prayer, homeless.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

Makeup.

CHELSEY:

There are so many choices.

CHELSEY:

Let's go with humiliation.

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

This is a reply to a review from someone named Steph A.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

And the first sentence of their one-star review is,' I had an unfortunate

CHELSEY:

Oh my god.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

They mention they wanted to do something special for their friend's son's birthday.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

So this is the reply from the business owner.

TREY:

"OMG, you felt humiliated, pressured and belittled on a phone call for a kid's party?

TREY:

Oh, no.

TREY:

If you need some moral support call and ask for my recommendation, instead of writing all

TREY:

Like volunteer.

TREY:

It might get rid of your psychosis.

TREY:

Oh, and I am looking for a 75 Mustang.

TREY:

Find me one, you know, for a friend."

CHELSEY:

This is terrible.

CHELSEY:

What a terrible reply.

TREY:

I just wanted to include this last sentence from another reply.

TREY:

It ends with, this is fully quote, copy paste.

TREY:

"So sad, exclamation mark.

TREY:

We pray you change your ways and how you conduct your life."

CHELSEY:

Wow.

TREY:

That is a reply from a business owner.

CHELSEY:

That's unacceptable.

TREY:

I'm going to read you another one.

CHELSEY:

Alright.

CHELSEY:

Please!

TREY:

I'm going to read you this.

TREY:

Cause now I feel like, okay, so this is, um, a different, reply.

TREY:

"Asterick, Asterick, Asterick, all caps, CRAZY ALERT!

TREY:

Asterick Asterick Asterick.

TREY:

It says, so the person that wrote the review has 330 Yelp reviews.

TREY:

So it says, "instead of wasting your time writing 330 Yelp reviews and extorting small businesses.

TREY:

I recommend you volunteer at a children's hospital or a homeless shelter.

CHELSEY:

Ugh, okay.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

This is not a way to do business.

CHELSEY:

When you're the business owner, it's your job to pacify the situation.

CHELSEY:

And I think as we've heard on this podcast, that can be done with a

CHELSEY:

For example, the reply that we had like, you know, DJ Spynfo was obviously a little bit like,

TREY:

but then he ended with contact me!

CHELSEY:

Yeah!

TREY:

Like we got that he was a human

CHELSEY:

He wanted to tell his side of the story.

CHELSEY:

And that's what this is for.

CHELSEY:

And I'm all for hearing the business owner side of the story, like that's okay.

CHELSEY:

But this is just like, mean, like what's what the unsolicited advice buddy, like

TREY:

There is a reply that then had an updated review.

TREY:

That was literally like, I don't understand how the, this business owner wrote a reply

CHELSEY:

Yeah, I think that's a great way of summing it up.

CHELSEY:

Because unfortunately, especially in these sort of fringe companies, we don't need to

CHELSEY:

Like this is something that we're adding.

CHELSEY:

This is a customer service industry.

CHELSEY:

And if people are not enjoying the entertainment that you're providing, you

TREY:

Great point!

CHELSEY:

Like this is not the only person that's had a negative experience.

CHELSEY:

And if, as a business owner, you're not willing to see what it is, you might've done wrong and

TREY:

There are replies on like three and four star reviews where it is like professionally

TREY:

And, uh, you know, we are disappointed that you were disappointed.

TREY:

There are sprinklings of those, but these more recent ones.

TREY:

Really like took a turn and that is a tough position.

CHELSEY:

I wonder if this is somebody else, like somebody else has taken over the

TREY:

Well, this, this business owner has a profile, so it has

CHELSEY:

But maybe like maybe their nephew or maybe somebody else started like writing for

TREY:

This whole world of reviews is a very tricky thing.

TREY:

And it's tough when someone can put something in print that is

TREY:

So I understand the desire to...

CHELSEY:

For sure!

TREY:

...attack back, but the impression I think is what we want to highlight here.

CHELSEY:

Right?

TREY:

What is the impact of, of reading that as a possible customer is really tough to swallow.

CHELSEY:

I agree.

CHELSEY:

Like I completely understand the desire to be like, but in these examples, it's like,

CHELSEY:

This is a review website called Yelp, that is made for people to voice their personal experience.

TREY:

Good Point.

CHELSEY:

And that's why they're here.

CHELSEY:

It just really does not make this business owner look good.

CHELSEY:

It shines them in a really bad sort of insecure Chihuahua nibbly light.

TREY:

It's tough.

TREY:

It's a tough position.

TREY:

And I hope that the business owner, um, doesn't kill me in my sleep.

CHELSEY:

This makes me really appreciate the business owners that took the high road.

CHELSEY:

I hope they can turn things around.

CHELSEY:

I always want to leave the possibility that this can change.

CHELSEY:

That was a lot.

CHELSEY:

I feel like I need to like, get some good energy flowing back into the room.

CHELSEY:

It's going to be okay.

TREY:

And I want to send healing positive energy to the company, the business owner.

TREY:

That's the amazing thing is that we can start over every single day.

CHELSEY:

Everyday!

TREY:

So that was our VERSUS one and five, plus some replies from the seller, of clowns.com.

CHELSEY:

It was.

TREY:

All right my Queen!

TREY:

That brings us, to the most Regal portion of our show.

TREY:

Who are you inducting for?

VOICEOVER:

My Royal Highness.

CHELSEY:

I'm so glad you asked, Trey.

CHELSEY:

This week.

CHELSEY:

I am inducting Shappy Pretzel Co!

CHELSEY:

Now, if you live in LA and maybe are from the Philadelphia area, I, I give,if you are

CHELSEY:

Like there's, there's just nothing like a Philadelphia pretzel.

CHELSEY:

It's hard to explain to people that don't understand it, but Shappy!.

CHELSEY:

Shappy gets it.

CHELSEY:

And so over quarantine Shappy started making just for himself, Philadelphia

CHELSEY:

And then Shappy started, you know, having a little bit of a pop-up out of his house, like

CHELSEY:

Like they're hard on the outside, soft on the inside.

CHELSEY:

They just hit every Philadelphia soft pretzel note perfectly.

CHELSEY:

My dog passed away.

CHELSEY:

Her cardiologist is from Philadelphia and she loves Philadelphia pretzels.

CHELSEY:

I always bring them to her.

CHELSEY:

And I brought her some of Shappy's Pretzels.

CHELSEY:

So this was like, she's got to experience this thing.

CHELSEY:

And she wrote me and she was like, oh my God, these were so good.

CHELSEY:

Thank you for bringing them back from Philly for me.

CHELSEY:

And I was like, 'girlfriend.

CHELSEY:

I didn't go to Philly.

CHELSEY:

I went to the valley.

CHELSEY:

I picked these up at a pop-up in the valley.

CHELSEY:

You can get it whenever you want.' They also have Oreos stuff, philadelphia pretzels.

TREY:

I was just going to say, I went to the website and they have Oreo stuffed pretzel!

CHELSEY:

It's out of this world, Shappy, thank you for everything that you do for all of us,

CHELSEY:

Follow them @ShappyPretzel and do it if you live in LA, place that order.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

Just, just stop what you're doing right now and place the order.

CHELSEY:

So

TREY:

I want one!

CHELSEY:

Thank you @ShappyPretzel, you are My Royal Highness.

TREY:

I love that.

CHELSEY:

Love carbs.

TREY:

It looks so good.

CHELSEY:

Well, who are you inducting?

TREY:

Alright.

TREY:

Today, my inductee for my Royal Highness has got to be the Aloe Vera plant.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

Now, I have Scottish blood and I'm an exceedingly pale.

TREY:

People in middle school used to call me Powder because that movie came

CHELSEY:

Oh My God.

CHELSEY:

That's right.

TREY:

But I think that that person killed people.

TREY:

I don't know.

TREY:

I never saw it was too triggering.

TREY:

But, um, I am just incredibly pale don't really tan.

TREY:

Like I just sort of burn and peel.

TREY:

And so I have been someone who has utilized the benefits of the Aloe

TREY:

And so I did a little research, this is like my new favorite thing, apparently.

TREY:

The benefits of the Aloe Vera plant first appeared in Chinese and Suemerian writings around 3000 BC.

CHELSEY:

Oh, wow.

TREY:

And in the time I know in the time of the pharaohs, the Egyptians called

CHELSEY:

Wow.

TREY:

So I was trying to find like, who discovered it, but it seems like they always knew.

TREY:

And have you ever seen an actual Aloe Vera plant that you break in half and squeeze?

CHELSEY:

Yes.

CHELSEY:

My grandparents had one in their lawn.

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

It's so insane.

TREY:

And it's just, I just want to induct Alo the plant for My Royal...

CHELSEY:

Yes!

CHELSEY:

Not the drag queen, because there's gotta be one.

TREY:

Oh, that's funny.

CHELSEY:

There's gotta be a drag queen named Aloe Vera.

TREY:

Wait, that could be a drag king Al Olvera.

CHELSEY:

Al O'Vera!

CHELSEY:

Yeah!

TREY:

That's Good!

CHELSEY:

Oh I like it!

TREY:

We can induct Al O'Vera as well,

CHELSEY:

If you're listening.

TREY:

But I am inducting Aloe Vera plant because it really, really,

TREY:

And I don't think that people acknowledge it enough.

TREY:

So today, Aloe Vera plant, you are my Royal Highness.

CHELSEY:

Wow.

CHELSEY:

You and the pharaohs.

CHELSEY:

You know?

TREY:

Pharaoh's story!

CHELSEY:

Yes!

TREY:

Alright Queen.

TREY:

We did it another round on the Ferris wheel of Review That Review.

TREY:

Fun.

CHELSEY:

That's better than the ear holes.

CHELSEY:

I appreciate that.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

Thank you for joining us today.

CHELSEY:

If you liked what you heard, please tell a friend.

TREY:

If you didn't like what you heard, please tell an enemy.

TREY:

If you want to lodge your own complaint, submit your own review, or share with the world

TREY:

Leave us a voicemail, Queens at 1-850-review-zero.

CHELSEY:

You can also follow us on all the socials @TheReviewQueens.

CHELSEY:

I'm @ChelseyBD until I get rich enough to buy back my name.

TREY:

And I'm @TreyGerrald.

TREY:

With two RS.

TREY:

Listeners, you can become a member of our Royal Court.

TREY:

When you join our Patreon at patreon.com/ReviewThatReview.

TREY:

You can also watch live clips from our recording sessions on YouTube.

CHELSEY:

And remember, ignore the haters.

CHELSEY:

You're a queen

TREY:

gender non-specific queen.

CHELSEY:

Of course.

CHELSEY:

Bye!

TREY:

Bye.

TREY:

Don't be a clown!

CHELSEY:

Don't clown around!

TREY:

Quit clowning around!

CHELSEY:

Don't clown me.

TREY:

I'm going to smoosh a pie in your face.

CHELSEY:

I'm gonna crown that clown y'all!

TREY:

Bozo!

CHELSEY:

Review That Review is an independent podcast, certain names have been

CHELSEY:

Executive Produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by Trey

CHELSEY:

Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe

CHELSEY:

We did it, oh my God.

CHELSEY:

You're so sweaty!