Have you heard of Corporate Stockholm Syndrome? If this type of behavior is tolerated, It will only inspire others to lead in this manner and will spoil the entire organizational culture and output. The ultimate loser will be the customer. If you are like me, and working in an industry where you are very passionate about your customer, where lives could be on the line. There is zero room to let such behavior spread.

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Why people follow toxic leaders and Corporate Stockholm Syndrome

I read an article, several years back (from Psychology Today) when I was thinking about a specific workplace situation I was in where it seemed that one person had a cult-like hold over the rest of the organization – to the detriment of the customer (which was my #1 focus and passion) and definitely to the detriment of the employees of that organization. I remember explaining this leader to others and I used the words, “It’s like he’s holding them hostage and they can’t see that they are stuck.” When I said those words, the thought of Stockholm Syndrome went through my mind, so I googled Stockholm Syndrome + workplace and found one article. Here we are 6 or 7 years later and when I google this topic, there is still not a ton that comes up for this topic – so I think it is understudied. Still, I am know it is a very real phenomena in many organizations.

First let me give you a refresher about Stockholm syndrome, in general, just to lay a foundation for today’s discussion: From the encyclopedia website, Britanica.com, it says “Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response wherein a captive begins to identify closely with his or her captors, as well as with their agenda and demands.”

The survival instinct is at the heart of the Stockholm syndrome. Victims start to sympathize with their captor, even though they are mistreated. The captor controls their basic needs completely: food, water, shelter, etc. They are also the source of any punishment and/or reward. In this situation, a hostage becomes hypervigilant to the needs and demands of their captors, making psychological links between the captors’ happiness and their own. So, you can see, the syndrome is marked not only by a positive bond between captive and captor but also by a negative attitude on behalf of the captive toward authorities who threaten the captor-captive relationship. In the workplace, you might see this as someone wanting one toxic person to be happy, so they push against anything that might upset this boss, even when it is bad for themselves, other employees, the organizational mission, and the CUSTOMER. As long as the boss is happy – at any cost – they believe they are better off, they will survive another day.

According to the Psychology Today article, Corporate Stockholm Syndrome can be defined as employees of a business beginning to identify with—and being deeply loyal to—an employer who mistreats them (defined in this situation as verbal abuse, demanding overly long hours, and generally ignoring the wellbeing and emotional needs of the employee). As with the captor/captive dynamic, the employer is in almost complete control of the employee’s fate. Think about paychecks, bouses, time off, promotions, the fear of being laid-off or fired, not to mention other plum assignments, perks, travel benefit, or access and/or exclusion from the inner circle of knowledge. Each of these rewards and punishments can be doled out by the boss for the purpose of manipulation in this situation.

No matter how many times I tell you that you are worthy simply because you exist, many of you derive a large amount of your own self-worth from your work and career life. This exact correlation between work and career is one thing that will put you at a high risk for experiencing Corporate Stockholm Syndrome if you stay within a certain toxic work environment for long enough. The odds are you if you have been in this situation for a very long time, that you do not even realize how bad it has gotten or that you could ever have a hope of escaping it – should you admit to yourself that this is, indeed, your situation.

Are you in a Corporate Stockholm Syndrome situation? Ask yourself these questions:

• Are you emotionally attached to your company?

o (This alone is not bad. Just answer the question honestly and take notice.)

• Does your position at this company negatively impact your own emotional health?

• Does your employer treat you poorly?

• If yes – do you justify/rationalize the poor treatment?

o You might say it is necessary for the greater good, it is better for the organization, it is better for the customer, it isn’t always this way, etc…

• Do you get angry defensive when this employer’s actions are questioned by an outside?

• When other’s say you are in a toxic situation, are you in complete denial?

• Does your company tolerate or even encourage other employees to verbally abuse each other when someone is not being a “team player”?

• Are people afraid to make a decision (even very small decisions) without deferring to the one person who is seen as having all the power?

• Is loyalty to this boss seen as absolutely everything, not only to the boss with the power, but to the most entrenched followers of this person?

• Even though the happiness or approval of this one person might mean everything to the most loyal followers, does it seem that the wellbeing of employees is not important at all? (Not even the well-being of the loyal followers?)

• Are company-provided perks and awards provided to a highly loyal, small inner circle?

o This is in the sense that they seem manipulative by design; a key aspect of inducing Stockholm Syndrome is the more powerful party providing both threats and kindness to the less powerful party. When these come from the same source, the psychological welfare of the lesser party can be more easily controlled.

If you are working under a leader who has direct control of all the positive and negative outcomes for your career, and they are using them in a manipulative, as described above – You could be in a Corporate Stockholm Syndrome situation. If you are experiencing these symptoms – YOU are at risk for significant emotional trauma. Spending your days under psychological pressure in this type of an environment is extremely unhealthy. Not to mention, it’s harmful for your friends and family who will end up finding themselves on the receiving end of your misdirected anger. You will inevitably find a place to release your pent-up anger and rage at the situation. Unfortunately, you will usually focus you anger and venting at the least powerful and even least responsible target. This is why, if you recognize yourself in this discussion today, that I recommend you find ways to take back your power. Don’t worry – I got you, you know that I am not going to have this discussion with you without giving you some ideas about you can get to a better position. It will be hard to break the cycle, if you are deeply entrenched, especially in a culture that prizes loyalty, work and wealth over your emotional health, but these abusers do not deserve your loyalty, they are not worth your life and joy.

1. What are signs a leader is toxic? (If you feel like you are in a Corporate Stockholm Syndrome Situation, you likely know exactly WHO the “Captor” is -- depending on where you are in the organizational structure. If you are new to the organization, it might just be coming clear and – it might not perfectly obvious. Here are some signs to pay attention to.)

a. They never make a decision and are extremely inconsistent, they are never satisfied with the information coming up to them, they change what they want, they move goal posts, they never think it is good enough, no matter how clear it is, how much data backs it up, and no matter how many other people agree. This is one way they keep themselves feeling like the “expert” the “King/Queen” and make others feel less than worthy, or very unsure.

b. Lack of trust for others – they seem to literally trust NO ONE, maybe there is one person or a super small circle, but they run 100% of the things through that circle and never allow thoughts that tiny circle agree with move forward. They actively exclude almost everyone from key information, in some way, so no one has the ability to gain the entire picture – which eventually limits the entire organization’s growth potential.

c. Don’t let others shine – This is likely driven from a narcissistic perspective on their side, but instead of believing that everyone can and should shine, they do not want anyone to outshine them, so they do everything to block your light. This is really the Multiplier / Diminisher effect. I talked about this on another podcast in the past.

d. Has extremely out of control, bad habits - losing temper, over-reacting to minor negative events, never providing any positive feedback – except VERY rarely and only to VERY specific people, and often this praise is used to manipulate.

e. Lack of openness to lifelong learning and innovative ideas. They have a strong feeling that they already know everything they need to know. It doesn’t matter if they have been there for 30 years, in practically the same job. They have a low desire to attend continuous learning courses, leadership courses, they don’t need an Executive Coach, they don’t want or believe customer feedback, they truly believe they are smarter than every single person around them, including active users of the product they create, and they will block most opportunities to innovate because they simply cannot see another way, they have a complete lack of ability to see a better world.

f. A complete lack of self-awareness. This is always a problem, even with people who truly want to be self-aware. It is very hard to see your own leadership flaws. This is one of the best ways a career and life coach can help you. These toxic leaders are on an extreme end of the self-awareness spectrum. Most of us realize we have things we need to change and we are working on them in some way – even if we have a long way to go. This type of leader essentially operates the way they always have and deeply believes this is how they got to where they are and see zero need to change.

2. Are there pros and cons to a toxic leader? Often the reason toxic leaders are promoted or hired come from their ability to gain short-term wins. They are able to take a situation and a group of people and get something done now. In-Spite of the short-term potential wins, organizational leadership must be wary of hiring a known toxic leader or keeping a known toxic leader onboard. The major downsides will all be felt long term:

a. Talent management will be hard. The super motivated, innovative, people who really want to make a difference will leave. Rumors will get around about the culture and new high potential people will not apply.

b. Due to the ability to listen to their team or the Customer – the only ideas that move forward will be the toxic leaders’ ideas and that WILL hurt the product, services and ultimately the entire organization. It is like a cancer that spreads.

c. The people who stay will often be people who feel like they are riding the coat tails of the leader, hoping to someday – maybe 10 years from now – get their job. They are so emotionally attached and afraid do make a decision without this person’s approval, that they have become unable to think for themselves. This is a “finite mindset” and will DRAMATICALLY leave these people in a win or lose situation. It is likely that someone will win, but who? Since they have put so much loyalty and time into this person and this culture, they have been crafted by this leader and will likely continue the cycle. It is what they have learned.

3. How do you identify the “cult-like” followers of this leader? People who are loyal to this leader are one of the key reasons they are able to remain in place. Think about it, if an organization conducts an investigation of complaints from an external stakeholder or from someone a few rungs removed on the organization ladder, the tight circle will be some of the main people interviewed to provide details or insight. Out of fear for their own jobs, fear the leader won’t ever be removed, and fear they will be excluded from the circle – they will defend this person, possibly even provide dishonest information to protect them. This is completely driven from their own fear and possibly from their desire to play the finite game that they will be chosen to eventually replace this toxic leader. Followers of this leader DO have psychological needs that are being met.

a. The need to have an authority (driven from childhood) – this leader may bring some feeling of safety or reassurance to these people.

b. The need for security. In this case, the loyal followers are willing to trade freedom for security

c. The need to feel special and the need to belong – if you are pulled in to the “inner circle” you feel special. Even in the very act of being there – you are excluding others and hurting the organization.

d. Fear of ostracism – the fear that if you report this leader that you will be excluded as they remain in place.

e. Fear of being powerless to change the situation – fear that there is nothing you can do to unseat this tyrant. So no one tries.

f. THERE ARE SOME REASONS PEOPLE STAY FOLLOWER (UNTIL THEY DON’T) AND DON’T SAY ANYTHING UNITL THEIR EXIT INTERVIEW:

i. Nothing will be done about it, People who complain will be punished, new people aren’t sure and not secure enough to complain, it isn’t the role of an employee to get rid of their manager – it is the role of THEIR leadership to hear the rumbling and take decisive action to correct the issue.

4. Is it possible the leader does not know that they are toxic? Yes. More likely – they have some idea, but I read an article today from HBR titled, “Coaching a toxic leader” and it is complex. It is very likely that they have had some psychological trauma of their own that they have not dealt with. In extreme cases, they may even have a coach or a therapist that they are working with. They reign in their behavior when they are being considered for a promotion and then then let all their improvement go, and revert to old ways, once they have been in the new role for awhile. It is 100% possible for them to change their behavior – but it will take intense work if they truly want to improve.

5. What can you do if you have a leader like this?

a. Do your best to become independent, to think independently, to become courageous and autonomous. The more you think for yourself, the clearer your situation will become. The more you do this the stronger you will become.

b. When it is appropriate, do speak honestly if this person is investigated. The more people who do, the higher chance the person will receive intervention from their leadership or possibly removed if they will not adapt. If you are not comfortable, or have fear – try to find an anonymous way to get the info shared.

c. One thing I decided to do when I was in this situation, was to work very hard, build up a strong coalition of my own, including outside stakeholders, while I grew my portfolio and expertise – and then when I had an opportunity for a promotion opportunity, at a different organization, who was VERY aligned with my passion for our customer – I jumped.

d. The culture is changing. There are so many things now that are simply NOT ok, that were seen as “just the way it is” over the past 20-30 years. If there is someone who is truly harming others in a verbally abusive way, if there is someone who is clearly breaking laws or acting in an unquestionably unethical manner – please consider being brave enough to say something. I understand if you don’t, if you just leave – but there is some wonderful, quiet, less brave people who will continue to suffer long after you are gone.

6. What can you do to NOT become this type of leader?

a. Ensure you do have trusted advisors who have the ability to talk openly and give you feedback. Listen to them. Develop some kind of system for your employees to share feedback – allow open dialog. It is recommended to have an objective 3rd person available during feedback sessions for the protection of both you and the employee.

b. Make sure you are managing your work and life in a way that there is nature flow and as much as possible, offers you healthy stress-release and joy.

c. Find an external 3rd party to talk to, such as a successful friend who understands your role and challenges, a coach, a mastermind group, etc.

Toxic leadership is very common and can be difficult to deal with, both as an employee or as an executive leader who has a toxic employee working for you. The key is developing a culture in the organization that along with achievement, productiveness and innovation, also inspires openness, communication and collaboration. This requires developing mentorship and coaching programs for high potentials and really listening to the entire team, monitoring for signs that one particular person is like a beacon for complaints. No matter how successful they are, consider getting them intense coaching and mentoring or take the steps to change your organizational leadership. If this type of behavior is tolerated, It will only inspire others to lead in this manner and will spoil the entire organizational culture and output. The ultimate loser will be the customer. If you are like me, and working in an industry where you are very passionate about your customer – where depending on what we deliver – lives could be on the line. There is zero room to let such behavior spread.