Now that you’ve met each amazing co-host individually, prepare to have your heart opened as together they share their thoughts on what it means to reclaim ourselves. 

In this panel discussion, they discuss what the self-discovery process has looked like for each of them, and where they are on their journeys today. 

They share how they have faced the big self-discovery questions and where that has led their life and career. It is a beautiful conversation around self-discovery, embodied learning, and what it takes to come home to our true selves. 

Join us as we discuss: 

• 15:16 The conflict between societal values of individualism and the lack of support for understanding and embracing the self.
• 23:41 How the mind can get in the way of the body’s work to feel - and heal - grief and trauma.
• 28:26 The creative process of embracing touchstone memories.
• 39:21 The healing power of community and sharing stories.

Resources mentioned in the show:

• Author, researcher, and storyteller Brené Brown https://brenebrown.com 

Learn more about the hosts: 

—> Sonya Stattmann is the host & creator of Reclaiming Ourselves™. She is a TEDx & corporate speaker, and has been working with leaders around personal development for the last 22 years. She teaches workshops & offers small group programs around emotional intelligence, transformational & embodied leadership and energy management. You can find more about her here:

Website: https://www.sonyastattmann.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sonyastattmann/

—> Laura Shook-Guzman, co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, LMFT, and Somatic Psychotherapist for entrepreneurs has been a mental health professional for 23 years. She’s the founder of three businesses; the world's first Wellness Coworking Community Soma Vida, the global community Women Who Cowork, and her own therapy practice, Conscious Ambition. You can find more about her here: 

Website: http://www.laurashookguzman.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurashookguzman/ 

—> Belinda Haan, co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, is a gifted Masters-level certified professional coach who has worked with leaders and executives in various Fortune 500 corporations worldwide. She is a mindfulness and compassion teacher and facilitates group and individual therapeutic interventions that promote inner connection and belonging. She is personally passionate about bridging the gap between science and spirit, using an empathic, grounded approach that weaves contemplative practice and accessible personal development with her clients. You can find more about her here:

Website: www.belindahaan.com

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/belinda-haan-b1b02815/

—> Emily Soccorsy [So-KOR-SEE], co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, believes branding is how people experience what you believe. As owner and CEO of Root + River, a brand strategy team, Emily uses her talents to help leaders uncover the foundations of their brand: message, audience, differentiators, and overall brand strategy. She’s also an author, speaker, poet, artist, and mom of two daughters (and a 130-pound Great Pyrenees named Archie) and partner to her husband of over 20 years. You can find more about her here:

Website: https://rootandriver.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilysoccorsy/ 

What you can do next:

1. For more episodes, opportunities and information on the hosts, visit http://reclaimingourselvespodcast.com/
2. Love the podcast? Get episodes delivered to your inbox with articles related to the topics we talk about. You can sign up at http://reclaimingourselvespodcast.com/
3. Need a little weekly magic? Sign up for Worthy Love Notes & weekly affirmations here https://www.sonyastattmann.com/self-worth-affirmations-2/  

Thank you for being you. We are so honored to have you as a listener!

One of the things I know I avoid is that sense of vulnerability

that comes along with storytelling.

That's required to get to that next loop around the, the spiral.

I think the power of the community makes that I don't wanna use the word easier

because it's never easy to be vulnerable.

but it eases it a little, makes it a bit, a bit more comfortable.

Oh, gosh.

Yes.

I there's so many things I wanna say here, because I just

love women's circles so much.

And I think power of, like you said, Emily, being able to share what's present,

you know, even if it feels socially unacceptable in a really sacred, safe,

to be able to do that is in itself just an act of courage and transformation,

and also to be held in unconditional love and compassion in that space.

And then also hearing the stories of others, which are, are also your stories

and your stories are their stories.

And you realize that you're not alone, that we are all connected.

we share.

this wild ride together.

And I think it's an to shame because without telling those sh those

stories, we just kind of just get stuck in this place of feeling like

there's something wrong with me.

Mm-hmm

And, you know, and I would say that, you know, for anybody

listening to this, if you don't have that circle of friends, like, we are

here holding space for you, right.

And, hopefully our stories and our perspectives help you

feel a little bit less alone.

Cuz sometimes it can be hard to find those circles, but they're out there.

There's lots of people who can safely hold space for you you're worthy of that.

If, you know, there is something deep inside of you that is yearning to be

seen, to be known and to have expression.

If there's something you need to reclaim and remember maybe it's your

power or your purpose, your gifts.

This is the podcast for you.

Welcome to reclaiming ourselves.

I'm your host, Sonya Stattmann and I'm honored to have three amazing

co-hosts Laura Shook-Guzman Belinda Haan And Emily Soccorsy here with me

on this journey to self discovery every week, we're gonna help you unravel

and remember what it means to reclaim yourself to own who you are to recognize

your innate worth and greatness.

Now, this podcast is a deep dive into self-development healing and empowerment.

So hold on.

Here we go.

Hey, welcome back to ourselves.

I'm so excited that you're here.

And just as a reminder, you can find everything you need about the

podcast and about the cohosts at reclaimingourselvespodcast.com.

So today is our official first.

Panel episode.

And what that means is we have all the co-hosts together discussing and talking,

and it's gonna be really fun and exciting.

And so today we're gonna kind of unpack and discuss what does

it mean to reclaim ourselves?

Why is this an important topic from each of our viewpoints?

Why does it matter right now in, in this world and where we are with things?

and so that's what we're gonna, talk to so welcome everyone.

Hey Emily.

Hey Laura.

Hey Belinda.

Hi.

Hi.

Mm-hmm

everybody.

now the real test is being able to

decipher who's talking, right?

I think I'll be easier to, to work out.

So I think you'll love Belinda, the Australian.

We'll definitely hear you.

I love that.

All right.

So, , maybe let's just dive in and talk a little bit about, what does

it mean to you to reclaim ourselves?

it's a concept, like sometimes we talk about it.

Everybody might have a different viewpoint, but how does that feel to you?

What does it mean to you?

I'll jump in here.

when the word reclaiming is just sort of put out there, I immediately go to.

how did we get lost?

in the first place, because it's not finding you're, it's like this reclaiming

and the idea that we are born really whole, and we're born, I think before

the age of four in so many fundamental ways, emotionally as, as whole people.

So we get lost with everything that kind of comes after that.

or.

pushed further away.

So I like to think about the process of, of getting lost too.

What were the milestones?

What were the junctions or what were the, things that covered over

the true me that I was originally.

I love that Emily.

I love that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It really resonate with that kind of concept.

When you start thinking about reclaim return, remember it's like, we're

not talking about claiming for the first time or knowing, this is.

Known to us, ourselves.

We're known to ourselves yet.

We've had these moments in our life that have, um, interrupted, distracted,

split, like taken, um, us in different directions often to protect, you know,

a wound or something overwhelming.

So I really, um, also think of it as, you when we reclaim we're

returning and we're remembering, and that's actually a beautiful

thing that we have known ourselves.

We are known unto ourselves already yet all of these things

have happened and we've somewhat like Emily's words lost our way.

And what is it like to return?

Hmm.

Yes.

Yes.

I, I agree wholeheartedly with both Emily and Laura in terms of my, the

way I see it is that yeah, like Emily said, we're born whole complete.

Perfect.

And then, through life and people, and we have all these heartbreaks and

defenses and everything that sort of cover up the truth of who we actually are.

And unlike, you know, personal development talks about often is we need to add

something more to ourselves, or we need to just learn this particular skill.

It's really, um, like Laura said, remembering, coming back to that

true nature, our essence, um, and that, that is really the journey.

Yeah.

I fully agree with all of you I love the way Emily brought up this

sort of, perspective or focus on also, why did we lose ourselves?

Like what, what kind of caused that loss?

Because I think we have to talk about both pieces, right?

What it means to reclaim ourselves what it feels like to reclaim ourselves,

you know, what that journey is.

And also what it feels like to be lost.

Why we lose ourselves, what gets in the way.

So I think these are really two sides of the coin that we're gonna talk a

lot about over this podcast season.

Because we are born whole, we, we do have that seed of our wholeness

and our greatness and who we are inside of us from birth.

And we're worthy from birth and, and then little by little, all these kind

of chunks get taken away or lost.

Are we suppress?

Are we, we let go of, we abandon sometimes.

Right?

And then it's about, you know, how do we kind of pick those pieces up and when

Laura said, you know, remembering, I think about like, yes, like member, right.

It's like that reremembering reattaching, reclaiming, re owning, the pieces of

ourselves that we've lost along the way.

And yeah, I think that's a really interesting piece.

And so I kind of love to hear from the co-host like, what do

you think has caused the loss.

Cause I think that was a really cool kind of perspective that

Emily kind of took us down.

what in your life has caused you to lose a piece of yourself or maybe in people

you've worked with and seen as well?

Cause I think that is a really great question so that people can

start to reorientate themselves and say, oh yeah, I really resonate.

That happened to me too.

Um, what were maybe some of your experiences.

Well, I think, I think the loss can come a lot of different forms.

I think that sometimes the loss is a capitulation to the world or our context.

Like we give up a little piece of ourselves in order to fit in.

And so that can be a family system that can be, a school, a classroom,

or to win the praise of, of another person that we want to admire us.

So sometimes it's, it's not necessarily like the heart lies.

Belinda said like a heartbreak that, that we feel how much that takes away from us.

So viscerally, but I think some of these losses are so subtle and we're

willingly giving them up because we think there's a, an exchange on the

other side that will benefit from.

And I also think that that just from a.

evolution standpoint was true to be an outsider outside of the

tribe, uh, meant danger and meant strange men and, and, and death.

Um, so I think we're hard.

We're kind of hardwired to make these accommodations.

And so I think that those are also like little losses along the way and maybe

losses, but also lost moments where you're like, oh, I'm wandering now.

I'm wandering away from something else.

those are not necessarily bad roads to take either because they

teach you something about yourself.

But yeah, sometimes we willingly, we willingly walk in and give those,

give those pieces of ourselves away.

Mm-hmm

Yes.

And I think, I think that.

there's certain junctures where we realize we are lost as well.

And, and I, I know, certainly sort of coming into the midlife, forties, just

really sort of, I guess, having all the frustrations about the behaviors

I'm engaging in and all of those, um, dissatisfaction and internal

conflict and everything that can arise.

It's sort of like a, an awakening moment to how lost.

Or, or that the journey of remembering needs to happen that, that sort of

different points of dissatisfaction.

Cause I think that reclaiming ourselves the journey and it

happens at different times.

It really has to start with dissatisfaction and internal conflict

and messiness and all of that.

Otherwise we're not motivated to do, to do anything.

Yeah, that's a really good point.

Yeah.

And I think that that collective, like you were saying, Emily, we have.

Conditioning that occurs to learn what is acceptable.

What's not acceptable.

And there's moments I can think of in my life where I gave up something or

modified myself, , became something that would be more acceptable.

And it's interesting how those things can become so automatic.

You don't even realize you're giving.

Yeah.

And in that moment though, you're getting something you're

getting belonging in that moment.

You think I belong here because now I can fit in or, you know, let me just

speak a little quieter about this, or let me be a little louder about that.

I just was a chameleon, you know, I was trying to make my

way so that I would feel better.

but as I have aged , and as I've stepped into more confidence as a woman in this

society as well, I've been able to look at what I gave up, what I let go, because I

thought that I was going to get something, to your point, Emily, in return, I was

gonna gain a greater sense of belonging to the community, but the cost of that.

Hmm.

Became aware of it's like, okay.

So there's a sense of belonging to my greater community, but a

sense of disconnection from myself.

Something that I gave up, right.

That was innately me.

that I wasn't letting myself fully inhabit.

and I think we're not taught as children,

at least not in my generation.

We weren't taught to value our.

Individual selves in the same way, right.

Or, to even find a self to reclaim or to, appreciate what we brought to the table.

Like from such an early age, we were taught to fit in, to belong,

to carry our weight in the greater scheme of things or in the family.

There wasn't the same attention on the value of you being a self.

Right.

And, I think it's changing.

I mean, I don't know, but I would love to hear kind of from all of you,

like what has been that result as you've started to reclaim yourself,

what's the result with your children?

Right?

Because I know I've brought my children up to value themselves and they still

have plenty of indoctrination, plenty of lost moments, for themselves as they grow.

but I've tried to instill in them that they have a self that's valuable.

That's a funny journey because as, as a parent myself, I think

a lot of the reclaiming began when it became a parent, when it became a mother.

I don't know about you.

Maybe the emotional membrane between myself and my children is very porous,

so they're going through something emotionally and there I am as well,

remembering my own, my own experience, trying to support their moment in that

and in, and then in be twitched and in between all of that, finding new

meaning for myself as an individual and.

As a parent learning lessons, there's a lot that's happening there.

And you do.

we try to give our daughters a real sense of their own

strength and their own identity.

But I, I think my parents did that well with me too.

So maybe that was a gift I was carrying on.

There's a lot to unwrap there.

So , there's a lot.

That's like a whole episode,

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah, but I do think it's really fascinating when you

think about, and here in the United States that we live in a culture that

definitely supports the yearning towards you know, the individual success.

It's like, there's so much focus on the individual and yet.

There is very little support on like children learning, the self, learning,

that emotional intelligence that somatic awareness of, of theirselves,

of their body, of what they feel.

And so there's this conformity that starts really early and then

it's like be an individual and you can do anything you want.

And then there's all this kind.

Disconnecting in our ways of, of being in, you know, in the classroom, don't

get me on education reform, but it's like constantly, you know, just like

sitting and ignoring the needs of the Senti sentient body like that.

I need to get up and I need to move and I need to, so I don't know.

I'm just thinking a lot about that conflict between the culture's

fascination with individual.

Achievement.

And then how very little people are given encouragement in our society to learn

this self and, and to, you know, from the inside out, not accolades and, oh, I'm the

best, I'm this identity or that identity, or the best athlete, you know, over

the best at school, but really inside.

Hmm.

We're not even given this space, I think to learn the self, right?

Like there's not even enough time and space to contemplate our look inwards.

We're just kind of rushing, you know, from one thing to the next, you know, in

terms of accolades and accomplishments.

Right.

So I think, yeah, that's really interesting too.

Hmm.

Yeah.

So for me, I think like Emily said, I mean, reclaiming myself has really amped

up since I've become a mother because I just have such, um, so much love driving.

And also so many buttons pushed about, you know, all the shadowy material and

all the, the ways that, um, all the defenses and all of that sort of thing.

And yet such a strong determination, I guess, to be present and compassionate

and loving, and, you know, my ability to hold the kids in whatever emotion.

Their experiencing has only is only helped by how much I can do that for myself.

So, you know, that was pretty much nonexistent when I first

started this journey 12 years ago.

And now, you know, as I've done the deep dive on ho you know, holding myself

in hopelessness and despair and all of that, that I can hold them in that too.

And I haven't really been able, like the first five years, you know, I did my best.

You know, I wasn't able to sort of hold that because I had so much inner

term on myself to be able to, it was hard to meet that moment with presence.

Yeah.

Even having that language to, to that you just used Linda, like to

hold yourself with presence in the middle of turmoil or hopelessness.

I mean, I think that's something that I, I, a new mother version of

me and my late twenties, I became a mom and my, actually my mid twenties.

I mean, I just had no concept and that's that's to what you're saying, Laura too.

Like, we, Somebody says something earlier about reclaiming ourselves as oftentimes

in, uh, Western culture and American culture, certainly about adding more.

Right.

Cuz I like to say the ego's favorite number is more and so we

have this very egoic version of.

Success or achievement, and our systems steer toward that.

And the actual sense of fulfillment that can be generated from within is the

result of learning that language, how to identify feelings, how to identify

breath and like the somatics of feelings.

And would you, we just do basically none of that in an

organized way in our cultures.

And so, you know, I think we're left to these big moments, these big shifts

becoming apparent to, to kind of smack us around a little bit and teach us like,

oh, I'm lost or, oh, I have none of what I need and then to have to go find it.

That's why the self-help, you know, I mean, I think the category of

self-help has just grown so much, cuz there's such a hunger in the world for.

Yeah,

And isn't it fascinating

how all of us have shared that motherhood has, was such a, a moment because, you get

to that point where you're just the single individual and if you haven't figured it

out, then, you know, who's gonna hurt, but you kind of thing, , it's just like, you

know, oh, well, and then you have a child.

and then all of a sudden, all the things that you hadn't looked at is right

there, mirrored back in this offspring.

And it's just this interesting moment where you, for me personally,

am more motivated to figure it out than ever before, because

I needed to understand what.

Was going to be like to nourish another human being.

And I had to figure out how to be with in Belinda's language, like how

to be with all of that, to be present in the midst of all the turmoil.

So I, I almost felt like I had a free pass for a while of like a, I

can just tuck it in the back luggage and not worry about it until later.

And then my daughter came and it was like, okay, I guess I need to figure.

Out.

So there was a moment that was some reflection in reclaiming, probably

the first at that level that I'd ever done also around like 26.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm

Yeah, it's really interesting.

Right.

and and so, okay.

So I love the way, the direction we've gone and kind of talking

about, you know, some of that, the pivotal moments, and obviously

motherhood is a big piece of that too.

I, I wanna talk a little bit about what reclaiming ourselves feels like.

Because I think a lot of people again, have a concept or an idea, but if

they, they, they might not know what it feels like in their body, what

it feels like in their emotions.

And , one of the things I love talking about with this topic is that

oftentimes before the bliss comes in, reclaiming ourselves, the really,

really challenging feelings come first.

And so, I don't know.

What do you all think about that?

Yes.

Oh my goodness.

after 35 years of completely repressing anything that wasn't pleasant and

positive it was, it all sort of just started started bubbling up.

And I think, um, I, there was just so much resistance to that and you

know, really part of my journey of reclaiming myself is actually just

really working on self-acceptance.

And that's like self acceptance of my internal experience as well, and, and

working somatically to create more capacity within me so that , when

things are difficult, that I can, I just feel that I can handle it.

. And so, you know, in terms of the difficulty that that embodied feeling

of I've kind of got this, which sounds.

Sounds funny to say, but just that, that sort of inner space

that I can handle things.

And I guess the embodied sense of okayness and wholeness that, that allows.

Um, me to be able to show up for my life in a way that feels values aligned

and yes, all, you know, sometimes there's, um, an anxious bunny, sometimes

anxiety's there and all of the, all of the big emotions can be present.

But I guess I feel like I've got more capacity and courage to be able to.

Show up in the way that in the ways that I want and do the work

that I want and sort of live a more true meaning and purpose life.

That feels true to me.

Not because I should have done something, I should be a good person or whatever.

really sort of finding my way on what is true for me and being able

to have the courage, I guess, to, to show up despite all of the anxiety

and everything that can be present.

Hmm.

Yeah.

So that's kind of what you feel like is the result, the feeling that you

have from reclaiming parts of yourself?

Yes.

Yeah.

How about

everyone

else?

Yeah, it's such a big question that I have all these

different thoughts going around and feelings in my body going around.

But I think that I'd answer that by saying that.

For me personally, it was going through the hard emotions and sensations

going through something in which I realized that I needed more of

myself in order to move through it.

Mm-hmm

hitting that wall and for me, it was a lot of grief.

And loss that then brought up previous grief and loss.

And I remember just walking the streets with one of my friends in

Toronto, we would just be like walk and talk and go get a coffee and walk.

And I was having all of these thoughts about like, how am

I gonna get through this?

There, it doesn't make sense.

Right.

When you're in something that's so overwhelming.

You're just like, you're trying so hard to use.

The cognitive mind to fix it.

And my dear friend, who's an acupuncturist and very much aware

of the, the power of the body.

Just, you know, kind of looked at me and said, it's more about,

yeah, how are you gonna move?

Not through it, but in.

in to yourself and in, through you, you know, we can't just like

walk through it like a big cloud.

And that really started my journey so much to understand what was happening

inside with my feelings and my sensations.

Where did I hold this grief in my body?

Because I could talk about it and think it was gone.

And then it would come back up in the middle of the night.

In a knot somewhere and I couldn't breathe.

And, you know, and it was like, where is that?

And that's when I realized that there was something not missing, but something I

wasn't remembering about my strength and what I'm capable of, what I can endure.

And so reclaiming my inner.

Strength and my grounding and my, um, ability to be in that, that

felt really like coming home.

I mean, it's gonna sound a little cliche, but it's like, it came, it

was like that grounding and like that safety, like you come home to something

and you know, it, it smells familiar.

It tastes familiar, you know, it's like, Ugh, everything about this makes sense.

And that was the only way that I.

Could figure out a way forward was to come back to that feeling

and.

myself.

And do you feel like, , these experiences that we have, like when

we reclaim part of ourselves, it's kind of like an anchor or a reference point.

It's like, even when we lose ourselves again, it's like, at least we have,

like, we can kind of feel that feeling or remember that feeling

or, , I kind of sometimes feel like I.

I move away and then I, oh, oh, there it is.

There it is.

Oh yeah.

Okay.

I'm here again.

And then I move away and then I'm like, oh wait, wait, I'm here again.

it's just like that constant journey.

But when having some of those really pivotal pieces has definitely helped

me re anchor myself or reclaim more, you know, the next time around.

Yeah, I wanna hear you Belinda and Emily, but I'll just

add to that on my, why I said that about walking the streets in Toronto with

my friend was that that is a somatic.

Memory in that moment, it felt like lightning came down from

this sky and into my body.

And that became an anchor like that feeling.

When I remembered myself that, that there was something more that I already had

inside of me is something to this day.

That is a memory that I'm sharing that is because I felt it as,

and then it became an anchor.

Anytime I'd get completely.

Lost.

I'd be like, remember that feeling when I had the moment

of awareness and how that felt.

And it does make it easier then when you're lost to come back to that anchor.

Yeah, I think they become little touchstones.

and I think so we talked about this a little bit I'll never forget the

way I felt the day my mom died.

Right.

I just, and sometimes I touch that, that stone.

Because you get real clear on what's important.

I did in any way, even though everything was complete chaos and shattered,

everything was in SHS around me.

And yet there was this feeling of core truth that I had no idea

how to make sense out of that, but I knew what the truth was.

And I do reference that I do pick that up.

And, and I'm an artist and I think visually, so I think of the journey

of self discovery, not necessarily as a beautiful path of the mountain,

but like, as these spirals as these spirals, that kind of undulate up

and down the spiral, um, motion.

And we kind of go away and come back around and figure something out.

And so then the spiral's a little bit smoother.

You might hit a rough shot.

That's kind of how I think of the creative process as well.

And I think those are all forms of creativity.

Like.

Taking out memories, looking at them again, understanding them

from a different vantage point.

Those are all creative processes because we know from science that memories are

changed every time we, we take them out and we look at them, but there's something

about the somatic thing, remembering your body, how your body felt, where

you were on the streets in Toronto.

It's so beautiful to say reclaiming ourselves that the reality of that begins.

I.

Belinda, you said resistance was the first word you used um, but he

ended up at like courageous, right.

But I think the majority of the time is spent in what I call like mess.

And I think we've, we've all used that word mess with maybe

that deeper understanding kind of everything shattered, but

maybe there's one true thing.

And maybe the one true thing is I'm gonna lay in bed all day but that's also a

way of nurturing, you know, or resting.

That's okay.

In the mess.

So, um, yeah, I just, I see, I think the connection between the strong visual

memories of things, the body memories, and then the way we the way we experience

ourselves in reaction to that, , and immediately describing, instead of,

you know, Belinda, you talk about resistance and then self acceptance.

It's like, oh, I'm a mess.

And then the next step not being, I'm a piece of shed because I'm a mess.

The next step being well, that's pretty normal.

You'd be a mess at this moment.

Or, oh, maybe today is not a good day, you know, and being able to ascribe

that self-compassion and so I think that's a lot of the dance of reclaiming

ourselves is between, between those real.

Yeah.

And, And, I think that's so important to mention too, because we're kind

of focused on this in our society and the world, you know, it's always like

these achievements as if we're gonna keep going up and up and up and up and

just keep exponentially growing and.

And that, you know, reclaiming ourselves is kind of like that.

Like we reclaim a piece and it feels so good.

And then we reclaim another piece and it's amazing.

And, and, you know, it's all kind of this sometimes perception we have that

reclaiming ourself is empowering and it is, but you know, there's also a

lot of dark nights of the soul, right.

It's in.

Sometimes complete chaos, complete hardship, complete

darkness, complete unknowns.

It's like through a lot of that, what shines through is ourself.

And then we're able to connect with that.

Right.

You know, I think some of the.

Darkest times of my life.

It was like, I had no hope.

I, I had no idea what I was gonna do or go, but something within me shown

through that allowed me to grab it right.

To go to cut beyond the chaos and.

all of the noise to find myself again.

And so, a lot of people are probably listening and they're

in a moment like that, right.

They're in challenge or chaos or exhaustion or, and thinking, gosh, I

can't even think about like reclaiming myself right now, but oftentimes it is

within the midst of all of that, that we.

Find it right.

That it, it is an awakening.

And I think that's the other piece.

Like I love, the word reclaiming.

It's a very action oriented word.

Right.

It makes us feel like we're in control and empowered.

I'm reclaiming myself.

But oftentimes when we reclaim ourselves, it's not even.

That we had an action towards it.

Right?

It's like it happened, we became aware.

We recognized it's like I think sometimes much more of a surrender

process than it is an action process.

What do you think.

I wholeheartedly agree because when I was,

um, starting the journey.

Of reclaiming myself.

I just took my type, a kind of behaviors and just read all the books.

just like, I need to fix myself.

fix the crazy mess that I felt.

Um, and just, I spent so much time in the mess, really judging myself for

just being here and resisting that I was there and, and really con sort

of feeling quite alone often because it's not really something that.

Talk about this kind of dark night of the soul.

And so I kind of just had this view that I was depressed and,

you know, was pathologizing myself that, something wrong with me.

And when I was able to really sort of feel into the deep grief or

hopelessness or despair that was there, that was what once I just gave up.

Just like, okay, just follow me whole, whatever this

emotion is, uh, just gave up.

That's when really so much light could just come through.

So it was in the surrender and the allowing and the compassion that

that's when the mess was able to sort of transform into insight and, and

sort of inner freedom in that moment.

Mm-hmm.

I love that surrender process, you know, I mean that, I think that's really what

is, and I, I think too, it's not, again, adding more, it's taking away, right.

It's going back to something essential.

And I think that's, that's what we've all been saying.

And we don't, I don't know about you.

It sounds very similar, but my first reaction is not like I wanna fight it.

I wanna figure out I wanna fix myself.

Right.

And I don't, that's not that helpful actually.

You'd think that would be helpful, but it's not that

helpful in the surrender process.

mm-hmm exactly.

Cause like, what I have found is that that is my, you know, Called my golden

child, this driver self of, you know, this driver part of me is really good

at continuing to try to, she would like what you just said, Sonya about like,

okay, like let's reclaim and then move up the ladder and reclaim and move up

the ladder, you know, just like this.

Lovely ascent towards perfection.

So I'm definitely, um, recovering perfectionist.

And so that striver part is interesting because I can get confused and think that

it's trying to get me to some sort of self that has reached the goal, but that

strive he self is often keeping me away.

From feeling what I really need to feel and stepping in to the surrender.

because she doesn't like uncertainty, not the strive.

She gets shit done.

and she can do it well.

So, so I like Belinda, you know, that reading all the books and like

figuring it out, like I'm gonna do this.

You know, I really resonate with that.

And, and I think that it's been very helpful for me to understand how much

of the healing comes through rest.

And I love that there is a movement for, um, like rest being more

of like it's the nap ministry.

They have rest is a form of resistance, you know, rest, reclaiming,

rest as a form of resistance.

So I see rest in this culture too, as like social is part of my social

justice activist part too, to be like, you know what I can rest.

And actually that will benefit me and everybody around.

When I can give myself that space.

So that's an interesting place.

I spend a lot of time with my clients and within myself is that little surrender

versus the driver, the Energizer bunny.

mm-hmm

I can really resonate with that.

I, I, I love when you, you know, Laura talk about kind of these

different parts of ourselves, right.

Because, you know, we do have kind of these different pieces.

Right?

I know that's part of like internal family systems and, , kind of this idea

that we have these different parts that sometimes are working in opposition.

And, you know, I, I can really relate to that striver part cuz I

love finding out more about myself.

I love reclaiming myself.

I love, but sometimes putting that to do kind of striving mentality

on it, it does actually interfere.

And it is been for me so much, reclaiming myself has actually been when I

feel like I have no choice, it's not been like a deliberate act of like.

Ooh, I'm gonna choose to reclaim myself.

It's actually, when I'm like, I have no choices, there's nothing I can do.

It's all completely hopeless.

I'm like stuck in whatever thing I'm in and then, then it appears right.

Or then it it's awakened or then it comes back in and I think.

You know, that's a really important piece to understand, because when we

talk about this, you know, we're here, we are talking about reclaiming ourselves.

You know, it's not just that we're saying, Hey, go out and

consciously reclaim yourself.

Right.

Get in action mode and, and put it all together because that's gonna work right.

It's, you know, sometimes about just hearing the stories or resonating

with, with the experiences of other people or ourselves, right.

Remembering that it's a surrender process, you know, or that we have to

often let go in order to find ourselves, you know, I think that's a really point.

Yeah, absolutely.

And I think that sometimes, you know, it's like I was talking about

like how the culture can create.

Tendencies for us to conform.

But then the other side, of course, is that when community creates the

space for you to surrender, I was thinking about that about like my

friendships and especially circles of women that have held space for

me to be able to do this like that.

It, it, I wanna name that it's a individual night of the soul,

but if you're able to find.

Others that are going through similar things and hold space for each other.

It's a game changer.

And that's what I was so fortunate to find as a single mom when I met youth Ona.

And so it's just been more and more experiences where I've been able to S

render because I did have a community to like, circle up around me so that I

can be that vulnerable in the middle.

I think that's an excellent, excellent point, Laura.

At some point, to share your story, I mean, there's so much power.

What we're talking about is really being able to share a story.

Both to ourselves in a real way, but then you can have people around

you that can hold your story and then share their stories too.

The power of that community in the process of healing, which is also

reclaiming is just exponential.

Like you can process so much more.

in that sort of venue and it's a place.

Yeah.

I think we've talked about a, wanting to have that nice little neat ladder up.

But really it's like that.

One of the things I know I avoid is that sense of vulnerability

that comes along with storytelling.

That's required to get to that next loop around the, the spiral.

I think the power of the community makes that I don't wanna use the word easier

because it's never easy to be vulnerable.

but it eases it a little, makes it a bit, a bit more comfortable.

Oh, gosh.

Yes.

I there's so many things I wanna say here, because I just

love women's circles so much.

And I think power of, like you said, Emily, being able to share what's present,

you know, even if it feels socially unacceptable in a really sacred, safe,

to be able to do that is in itself just an act of courage and transformation,

and also to be held in unconditional love and compassion in that space.

And then also hearing the stories of others, which are, are also your stories

and your stories are their stories.

And you realize that you're not alone, that we are all connected.

we share.

this wild ride together.

And I think it's an to shame because without telling those sh those

stories, we just kind of just get stuck in this place of feeling like

there's something wrong with me.

Mm-hmm

And, you know, and I would say that, you know, for anybody

listening to this, if you don't have that circle of friends, like, we are

here holding space for you, right.

And, hopefully our stories and our perspectives help you

feel a little bit less alone.

Cuz sometimes it can be hard to find those circles, but they're out there.

There's lots of people who can safely hold space for you you're worthy of that.

okay.

So want to ask a little bit about.

You know, we're talking about reclaiming ourselves and obviously this process,

like sometimes it's not something we feel like we have control over, or, it kind

of happens at these moments that we don't expect it, but I, I wanna talk about,

I recently I was reading Brene brown.

And I, you know, I love her books and she talks about authenticity

and authenticity to me is very related to reclaiming ourselves.

Right?

It's about, being more of who we are reclaiming, those parts that we've

lost and she kind of defines it.

It authenticity as like this daily practice.

Of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are.

And I really resonated with that.

And I really love this idea of like, , it's a choice, right?

It's a daily practice.

So even though we may not be able to control the situation and

sometimes it's surrendering and it's not always this active process.

What do you all think about the idea that reclaiming ourselves

is a daily practice, right?

It.

It is something we can put attention towards and on, and, I don't know.

What is your experience with that?

What are your thoughts about that?

Yes, darn it.

Dad, Don, I don't wanna say yes.

I, you know, he is still attached to the idea.

It'll be some Mo peeking of light and then it's.

but yes, as you were talking about that, I'm like, oh, that

was my problem this morning.

I didn't, I was still attached to who I wanted to be perceived as, and, you

know, uh, that's what I should have done.

It might have made my day a little bit easier.

so that's what I say yes to that.

Well, and, and that's the thing, it's a practice, right?

So like with any practice we forget, we lose it.

We, we don't practice it for a period of time, but we can always practice it again.

Mm.

Yeah.

So I think that for me, you know, as, as I've grown in awareness in a way.

That has been more fuel for the inner critic, you know, oh, why

am I not doing these things that I know are part of my, you know,

aspirational, self or, or whatever.

so I, for me, it's every day, being able to grow in compassion for how I'm showing.

If that's aligned or not . And, and that, that has been because, you know, it's just

a process of forgetting and remembering we get triggered and, you know, we

are, we are unlike the person that we really want to be it's in that moment.

That is the everyday practice for me,

because I've got, I've got a lot of clarity and sort of embodied

values about how I wanna show up.

And my journey for reclaiming myself has really.

Ultimately been about how I'm treating myself as I'm showing up.

Mm, I love that.

That that's a piece of reclaiming ourselves, right?

It's not just the, the, the, oh, here I am.

I'm whole or here.

I'm awesome.

But it's just having self-compassion wherever we're at in the process.

Yes.

And just being able to meet our humanness because there is no

end goal where, oh, trust me.

I've been looking where I'm just like this Zen

reclaim self.

Like

I have looked I've searched the world.

Trust me.

And, and really it's.

So that's been all sort of fuel for the aspirational self, but really

for me, it is about how I'm treating myself as I'm navigating life.

Mm, I love that.

Yeah, I love this through line of self-compassion,

you know, just, and how.

Thing.

When I think of it as a practice, to your point, Sonya is like, it's

not this perfect static it place.

It's this every day.

And then it's something very nice about, oh, I could start over today.

Like I wasn't, as I wasn't very authentic yesterday, I was like in betrayal

of those aspects of myself or afraid to be vulnerable or and every day is

a new invitation, a new opportunity to be like, What is it like today to

reclaim, you know, or to return I'm.

So I'm in this moment too, feeling so grateful.

I've told my clients, this is that, one of the things about being a therapist,

it's such a beautiful practice in grounding myself in preparation

for the work I do with my clients.

And so it's been a lifelong.

20 plus years of learning how to do that.

And I can really feel the difference in this part of my life, like versus when

I was first learning to be able to sit inside of myself and be with self in

order to tune and attune to someone else.

And now I realize, oh, what a gift?

That every day I get this invitation again, to.

With others, because then that reminds me like, oh, okay.

Yeah.

Where am I?

Cuz I'm doing the checking in, you know?

And then it's like, oh yep.

I need more rest.

Or I need more food or I just, or I need a break soon.

And so I'm feeling grateful for that.

And they say, you teach what you're here to learn.

So I'm definitely teaching presence.

and being compassionate every day so that I can learn that for.

Yes.

I love that Laura and that sort of reminds me that, , part of the point of

this journey is, you know, authentic, beautiful connections with people.

so it's an individual and personal journey, but ultimately it has

an external impact positively.

it does.

Yeah.

And so maybe to wrap up, you know, cuz we could talk all day, but maybe

to wrap up for this episode, what is.

For you kind of the personal reason or the benefit or what you've seen is

the experience of reclaiming yourself.

Like what has that created in your life or your work or in your

connections or in your family?

You know, because sometimes we can shy away from this process.

And, Why is it worth going through it?

what are kind of the, the benefits?

I think that's a great kind of last wrap up question.

What, what is your experience, everyone?

I think the, the benefit of it is less division within myself.

we talked in the very beginning about like, what, why do we

need to reclaim ourselves?

And we talked about being lost and time we, we thread something together

there's like a, a coming together.

And that means that I don't, you know, it's like that WBI Sabi,

it's the gold in the, fracture.

And now there's not just healing, but like a bridge between

the different parts of self.

And that, that sounds very esoteric and poetic.

Maybe a little But the actual tangible benefit of that is that I do work.

I love,

Mm-hmm.

I don't have people in my life.

that I don't resonate with because I've learned that lesson of like,

I'm not for everyone and that's okay.

So it sort of healed.

So it, it comes, it is sort of esoteric, but it comes out.

The end result is just a little bit more harmony at the places where

there was, was a lot of brokenness.

Hmm.

I love that.

That's really good, Emily.

that really resonates with me as well, because I felt just

so internally broken and now I don't . And so when you're feeling that way,

obviously there's just so many flow and effects to your behaviors, your,

you know, actions, your ability to live your own life versus people pleasing.

And all of that is just so many levels that, that Sort of works works

towards, but really, you know, I remember just this inner voice just

saying I wanna be free to be me.

And that, that is what I feel like, you know, I'm not fully free.

Of course it's a journey of a lifetime, but I'm feeling much more inner freedom

to be able to sort of show up as I, as I wanna do, instead of constantly thinking

about whether other people are gonna like me and all of those kind of things that

were really driving, driving my behavior.

Yes.

Yes.

I can definitely resonate with that.

Like the, The connection that you're saying Emily to

coming back into connection.

I think for me, there's this deepening of trust.

Hmm.

I

Mmm.

to trusting myself

Mm-hmm

and the more that I reclaim the deeper, the

trust and what that means is less.

Holding back, less fear, less trepidation, uh, less focus on like, oh, the things

that are happening out here and just being like, okay, I can trust myself

to be with whatever is happening.

And then that has a beautiful impact on trusting others and trusting the world.

Hmm, beautiful

Yeah, I could feel that.

It is.

I love it.

I love everything you all said.

And you know, I would probably just add that the more I've reclaimed

myself, the more at peace I am, right.

Like in myself and in the world.

And it's such a relief,

Yes.

piece is such a relief.

I think relief is a really wonderful word and

that is definitely, yeah, just resonates deeply with me as well.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, I have truly, it is just such an honor to be here with all of

you, both co-hosts and listeners.

And so thank you all for being here.

Any last words you wanna say before we wrap up,

I love the Belinda used the term and I saw in my

mind's eye anxious bunny link.

I think it's so cute.

And I'm gonna draw a picture of that.

send it.

I love that

It's

We may have a bunny.

loving the parts of ourselves that

we might be mean about, you know?

So just, Yeah.

that really stuck with me.

So just wanna say that to our listeners, like, if there's a part of you,

they're struggling with just turn.

Make it a bunny.

Yes.

I love that.

I love that too.

That.

Yes.

Oh, beautiful.

And I think trust yeah.

What you were saying, Laura, that just, yeah, absolutely sums it.

All right.

Well, thank you all for listening and we will see you next week.

I hope you enjoyed this week's episode of reclaiming ourselves, looking

for a speaker for your organization, or wanna dive deeper into the

process of reclaiming yourself.

I would love an opportunity to work with you.

You can find more about my services, read articles and listen to all of my

podcast episodes@sonyastattmann.com.

Have an amazing day.

And thanks for listening.