Let's face it: I've been doing the exact thing I tell everyone else not to do performing instead of being real. I sat down to edit this week's episode and couldn't do it. Not because it wasn't good, but because I realized I've been giving everyone else permission to share their messy middles while keeping my own stories safely tucked away.
You already know what that looks like. Sharing other people's transformations. Interviewing amazing humans. Creating space for everyone's truth except your own. Here's the thing: I forgot why I started this podcast. I got caught up in guests and numbers and growth, forgetting the most important growth, my own.
This episode exposes the moment I realized I've abandoned myself in the process of building this show. The meta-vulnerable breakdown of wanting to hit stop mid-recording because "nobody gives a fuck." The uncomfortable truth that even truth-tellers perform.
You're not alone in diluting yourself while giving everyone else permission to be messy. Your people are here. This is your reckoning. Yet.
IS THIS EPISODE FOR YOU?
Listen if you're:
✓ Doing the work of helping others while hiding your own mess
✓ Building something meaningful but losing yourself in the process
✓ Tired of performing even in spaces you created for truth-telling
✓ Ready to drop your own facade, not just encourage others to drop theirs
✓ Asking "when do I get to share my story?"
✓ Done with putting anyone on a pedestal, including yourself
This is for you if you're ready to stop waiting for permission to take up space with your own story.
WHAT GETS EXPOSED
The "helping others while hiding yourself" pattern that keeps you giving everyone else permission while staying safely behind the curtain
Why focusing on growth metrics instead of your own growth is a symptom of abandoning yourself in plain sight
The uncomfortable truth about guru culture—nobody's more special than you, and the moment you realize that changes everything
BURKE BOMBS
💣 "I have given other people permission to share their messy middles, yet haven't fully been sharing my own messy middles. And that's all about to change."
💣 "There's nothing about them that makes them more special than you. All that we're doing is sticking them on a pedestal. It's ourselves that we should be going inward and trusting and following."
💣 "In my head I'm going 'nobody gives a fuck.' And then there's the other part of me that says no. People need to hear your story."
QUESTIONS ANSWERED
What does it mean to abandon yourself while building something?
Self-abandonment shows up subtly when you're creating meaningful work. You focus on serving others, hitting metrics, maintaining consistency all while slowly editing out the parts of yourself that made you want to create in the first place. It's not dramatic. It's quiet. You lose sense of what brings you joy beyond the outcome. You forget why you started. You perform the role instead of being yourself.
How do you know if you've lost yourself in the process?
Ask yourself: When was the last time I did something purely for joy? Not for productivity, not for content, not for anyone else. If you can't answer quickly or if your answer is work-related you've abandoned part of yourself. Your body already knows. The resistance, the "I'm not feeling it" moments, the wanting to hit stop—that's information, not failure.
Why is dropping your own facade scarier than encouraging others to drop theirs?
Because when you give others permission, you're still safe behind the curtain. You get to be the space-holder, the guide, the one who has it figured out enough to help. Dropping your own facade means admitting you're messy too. That you don't have all the answers. That you're still figuring it out. It removes the distance. It makes you human instead of guru. And that's terrifying and necessary.
WHAT YOU'LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE
The editing moment that changed everything - Michelle sits down to edit and realizes "I'm not feeling it"—not because the episode wasn't good, but because something felt fundamentally off
The uncomfortable realization - She's been giving others permission while hiding her own mess, diluting herself in the process of building the show
The pivot announcement - All those recorded episodes? They're waiting until next year. We're ending 2025 with Michelle's actual stories
The anti-guru manifesto - Why nobody's on a pedestal, including Oprah, including presidents, including anyone you've been idolizing instead of trusting yourself
The meta-vulnerability moment - The raw breakdown of wanting to hit stop mid-recording because "nobody cares what you've been through"—and choosing to keep going anyway
The joy reclamation exercise - The powerful question Michelle asked a friend that broke him: What brings you joy? Not your family, work, pets—just you. Make the list. Rate it. Start playing with it.
The permission slip for 2026 - Michelle's word is permission. And thriving. Giving herself permission to thrive by sharing her actual mess, not just curating everyone else's transformations
ABOUT MICHELLE BURKE
Michelle 'Shell' Burke is the bestselling author of Hot Mess Magic, keynote speaker, and host of Hot Mess Magic podcast.
She doesn't do curated advice or toxic positivity. She tells the truth that gut-punches you awake.
Hot Mess Magic was born from the fire—the breakdowns, the unraveling, the full-blown identity crises. The kind that crack you open and refuse to let you go back to who you were.
This isn't self-help. It's self-trust.
Connect with Michelle:
📧 Newsletter: https://michelleaburke.substack.com/
📱 Instagram: @michelleaburke
🌐 Instagram: @hotmessmagicmedia
📖 Book: Hot Mess Magic: Discover the Magic in Your Mess
Work with Michelle:
💬 The Expansion Session (90-minute nervous system recalibration and intuitive clarity session)
🎤 Speaking (keynotes and workshops on dropping the facade and owning your mess)
KEY REALIZATIONS
On guru culture and pedestals:
"There's nothing about her that makes her more special than you. There's nothing special about the president or the former president that makes them more special than you. All that we're doing is sticking them on a pedestal. It's ourselves that we should be going inward and trusting and following and believing and listening to." - Michelle Burke
On self-abandonment in the process:
"I started focusing too much on my guests and numbers and growth within this show. Forgetting the growth in myself. Forgetting why I do the things that I do." - Michelle Burke
On reclaiming joy:
"Make a list of everything that brings you joy. Take your family, your friends, your pets, your work out of it. Don't think about it, don't judge, just write the list. Then go back through and rate everything on a scale of one to ten." - Michelle Burke
THE UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTH NOBODY'S SAYING
You can build something authentic and still abandon yourself in the process. It doesn't look like selling out or compromising your values. It looks like focusing on everyone else's stories while keeping yours safely tucked away. It looks like hitting all your metrics while losing track of what brings you joy. It looks like giving everyone else permission while waiting for someone to give it to you.
The pivot isn't about being more authentic it's about stopping the performance you didn't even realize you were doing. You already know this. The resistance when you sit down to work. The "I'm not feeling it" moments. The voice that says "nobody cares" while another voice says "people need to hear this." Your intuition is trying to tell you something. Trusting yourself means listening.
And if you're thinking, "But I'm already being vulnerable, I'm already showing up" are you? Or are you showing up in the ways that feel safe? Sharing the lessons after you've learned them? Giving advice from the other side of the breakdown? There's a difference between sharing what you've overcome and sharing what you're actually in. One keeps you safe. The other makes you human.
Your mess isn't something to transcend on the way to helping others. Your mess IS the medicine. Stop waiting until you've figured it out to take up space with your story. Do it messy. Start today.
You're not broken. You never were. You're just being called back to yourself.
LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE
Apple Podcasts | Spotify
If this episode cracked something open—if you've been giving everyone else permission while waiting for yours—subscribe so you never miss an episode.
And if you're ready to drop your own facade and share your actual mess? Leave a review. Tell us what this conversation exposed for you.
This is your permission slip to discover the magic in your mess.
Welcome to Hot Mess Magic.
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