n this heartfelt episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction, I sit down with therapist, author, and founder of The Narrative Method, Shari Foos, to explore how writing can become one of the most powerful tools for healing childhood trauma.

Many adult children of dysfunctional families learned early in life to stay quiet, suppress their emotions, and become whoever they needed to be just to survive. Over time, many of us lose touch with our authentic voice.

Shari believes healing isn't about becoming a better writer—it's about becoming a better listener to yourself.

Together we discuss:

• Why perfectionism keeps us stuck

• The healing power of writing without judgment

• How storytelling helps regulate the nervous system

• Why being witnessed is often more healing than being "fixed"

• The practice of Radical Gratitude

• Choosing curiosity over criticism

• Learning to trust yourself again after childhood dysfunction

• Why healing happens through connection—not isolation

One of my favorite moments is when we reflect on a quote from Miles Davis:

"It's not the wrong note you play. It's the note you play after."

What a beautiful reminder that while we can't always control what happens to us, we can choose how we move forward.

If you've struggled with anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism, or simply feeling disconnected from yourself, I hope this conversation reminds you that healing isn't about becoming someone new—it's about remembering who you were before life taught you to hide.

Connect with Shari Foos

🌐 https://www.thenarrativemethod.org/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thenarrativemethod/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thenarrativemethod

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/shari-foos-7b083214/

X (Twitter): https://twitter.com/NarrativeMethod

Ready to begin your own healing journey?

Healing doesn't happen all at once—it happens one small, intentional step at a time.

If something in today's conversation resonated with you, I'd love to connect. Whether you're interested in a Complimentary Clarity & Calm Call, learning more about my AO Voice Scan, exploring coaching, or simply discovering resources that can support your healing journey, check out my links below and reach out in whatever capacity feels most aligned for you.

No matter where you are in your journey, know this: you don't have to navigate healing alone.

❤️ If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, follow the podcast, and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more people who are learning to heal, reconnect with themselves, and build lives filled with resilience, hope, and authenticity.

And if you know someone who could benefit from this conversation, I'd be honored if you shared this episode with them. Together, we can help more people realize they are not broken—they simply learned to survive.

Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you.

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As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.

My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies,

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, hello everybody, and welcome

back to another episode of

2

Adult Child of Dysfunction.

3

Today we have with us Cheri Foos.

4

She is, all kinds of acronyms

here: MA, MFT, MS, NM.

5

And she's a therapist, and she

is the founder of the Narrative

6

Method, a nonprofit serving

40,000 participants worldwide.

7

She created a writing framework,

rooted in narrative medicine that

8

fosters authenticity, self-confidence,

and meaningful connection through

9

judgment-free storytelling and relational

mindfulness implemented across diverse

10

communities and partnerships globally.

11

Welcome, Cheri.

12

Thank you so much, Tammy.

13

When we got on here, we were just getting

started, and I was just talking, and you

14

were telling me a little bit about the

nonprofit that you do, and absolutely

15

love Because you mentioned that it started

during the pandemic, which is where I

16

feel like people were just shut down.

17

Yes.

18

Connection-wise, it was just, halted.

19

It went from 100% connection to

0% connection, and wow, it was…

20

, it was devastating.

21

But now it's people are reawakening,

and now it's connection is

22

starting to be a thing again.

23

So- Amazing.

24

So talk about- Yeah … what you do.

25

Talk, let's just jump right in, and

your story's gonna be all interwoven,

26

because we all have a reason sure.

27

We actually started, in person in

28

to address what was already growing

in, a culture where loneliness was so

29

pervasive, for lots of reasons, but

in my opinion, mostly because of tech.

30

And so as people got more and more

distant, as you were saying, way for

31

people to come together and experience

their humanity even with strangers.

32

So we went online and, turned it into

a tight hour of creative writing.

33

It could be any format, poetry, prose,

fiction, nonfiction, journaling.

34

And the idea is you write to prompts

in short periods of time, and then

35

you share what you've written in

small groups without any criticism,

36

no feedback, not even compliments.

37

Because once we start qualifying

others' work, we've taken

38

it out of the safety zone.

39

Plus, you just wrote the damn thing,

, you don't even know what you think,

40

much less want someone else's input.

41

And so the cool thing about it is that

you have the experience of feeling seen

42

and heard, and you can hear your own

voice, but at the same time, everyone

43

else is a witness, and then you have the

experience of using your presence, your

44

goodness, to make somebody else feel good.

45

And I think this non-critical environment

has so much to do with why people

46

are able to just flow creatively.

47

You don't have to be a writer.

48

You don't have to like writing.

49

To me, what's far more important

than what you write is how you

50

can flow, how you can move forward

without double-guessing yourself.

51

And so many people think, "I'm a

procrastinator," or, "I'm stuck."

52

No, you're not a procrastinator

or you're stuck, even though you

53

may be experiencing those things.

54

But we all feel those things

because we live in a culture

55

where we're constantly criticized.

56

And so if you're a

perfectionist, everybody's got

57

that, to different degrees.

58

But once in a group environment,

which is so powerful, if you say

59

something like that, "Oh, I'm such a

procrastinator," you'll see a zillion

60

people nodding, and you realize, "Oh,

my gosh, this is not my personal issue."

61

And as in all kinds of healing modalities,

it is the brotherhood and sisterhood

62

and humanhood that really heals us.

63

We don't need designer

products in order to be happy.

64

We need the simplest

eye contact and caring.

65

Oh, amen.,

66

Very well said.

67

And with the people, especially in

the people in my world that grew up

68

in that not being able to voice their

opinion or feeling so constantly

69

judged all the time, it's hard.

70

It's hard to get started.

71

But I love that you open that

up for no feedback, no judgment.

72

You just write.

73

Yes.

74

I'm not saying it's not even the

community yet, but it's the release.

75

People don't understand when I

say, journal, and they're like,

76

"I don't know how to write.

77

I don't know how to do this."

78

Who cares?

79

Yes.

80

Put it on paper.

81

Get it out of your mind and onto used

to remember when I was a kid, I used

82

to journal, and then I would rip…

83

I was so afraid of having my journal

found- Yeah … that I would go down

84

to the river and, ball it up and

watch it go away in the river after I

85

would write, or burn it, or rip it up,

whatever it was, because I was deathly

86

afraid of having those things found

87

but it was still getting

it out of my body.

88

That was probably a really good move.

89

If it's not safe, don't open

up, in any circumstance.

90

. , I, it's great that you

use the word release.

91

I think of it, too.

92

I think we all have a creative force,

and if we don't get to us, and then

93

, we can't even find a place to begin.

94

To everybody is you are- infinitely

creative, whether or not you realize it.

95

You use a spatula to get , a cup

out of a high cupboard, that was

96

creative, whatever you can really do

that's outside any box is creative.

97

So you are entitled, empowered, and

you have to express yourself to have

98

this relationship, this, dialogue with

yourself that accompanies us in a way

99

that is really the opposite of loneliness.

100

Yep.

101

And it's funny because the

connection, I see it both ways.,

102

I do a TikTok live in the morning,

and , I'm there to be just a positive

103

light and a force for people to

come on, ask questions about whether

104

it's childhood trauma or connection,

relationships, whatever it is.

105

And you'd be surprised how many

people come on and they're just

106

like, "I'm looking for, a woman,"

or, "I'm looking for a man," or, "I'm

107

looking for a lasting relationship."

108

And I'm like, and you're looking

on TikTok and you have no bio.

109

I'm like, so there's this, yes, we

have this connection, but at the

110

same time, it's so disconnected.

111

Yes.

112

That's why you need the,

you need that group.

113

You need that, long distance, but

there's nothing like sitting in

114

a room and looking at someone and

putting your hand on someone's

115

shoulder and saying, "You got this."

116

Exactly.

117

Exactly.

118

And the other person doesn't have

to solve our problem, but when we

119

feel listened to, we get clarity.

120

Mm-hmm.

121

And it, no one can ever solve your problem

or find that woman or find that man.

122

That's not what you're really looking for.

123

You're looking for yourself.

124

And when we connect deeply with

ourselves, we have the capacity to

125

connect more deeply with other people.

126

So everyone knows, you can't just put

in your order and there, at your door is

127

this person you're wildly attracted to.

128

And by the way, sometimes the

people we fall in love with

129

are not people that have those

qualifications that we think we need.

130

We don't know what we need until

we feel truly loved, and then

131

we realize that's what matters.

132

You're the person.

133

That mind-body connection too, as far

as your thinking and your feeling.-

134

I was talking to someone the other day,

and we were talking about that connection,

135

and they were talking about affirmations.

136

And they were like, ", every morning I

get up and I write, 100 affirmations.

137

10 things to be grateful for,

10 things that I believe about

138

myself, 10 things about this."

139

, And I said to her, "That's great, but

when you're doing this, are you a robot?

140

, Are you really deeply into that feeling?"

141

And she goes, "No, I write it.

142

I just write it.

143

I'm like, "Okay, so try

something different."

144

, Let's say for instance you're

feeling unlovable right now.

145

You just feel like nobody loves you.

146

Writing I am lovable 100 times is

not gonna help unless you actually

147

can put yourself in that feeling

of being loved, and I feel like

148

that's where that group comes in.

149

I tell people, if you wanna feel lovable,

writing I'm lovable is great, but

150

laying down on the floor and snuggling

with your puppy, who is giving you

151

unconditional love, and then writing

I am lovable take it to another level.

152

No, that's such a great idea, Tammy.

153

That's a great idea.

154

, And, when you accompany an

affirmation with a physical

155

movement, your brain takes it in.

156

So what I like to do, certainly

with affirmations or gratitude,

157

is, do a big victory.

158

Mm-hmm.

159

It, you feel the exhilaration from

your body, and that's what locks it in.

160

Affirmations are powerful and effective,

and for the simple reason that as

161

humans we're always scanning for danger.

162

So it's a negative bias, but it's normal.

163

The way to soften up that negative

bias is to speak to yourself,

164

to put in the opposite of that.

165

When you're safe, your brain doesn't

know it unless you tell yourself, and

166

you can also put your hand on your heart.

167

I'm safe.

168

Yeah.

169

I'm here.

170

I'm here for me.

171

. Absolutely.

172

So talk about social media, and the

pressures, and all the stuff going on,

173

talk about some of these unrealistic

narratives that we have, and how that

174

kind of shapes how we communicate

and how we talk to each other.

175

That's a great question, and I think one

of the problems, I call this noise the

176

cult of culture, that, is through media,

social media, advertising, political

177

stuff, all kinds of things, that have a

message in a consumerist society to buy.

178

So they tell us we have BO,

we gotta buy the deodorant.

179

. They tell us, we're nothing unless we have

this designer purse, so we go into debt to

180

buy a designer purse, and you may really

like it, but how long does that last?

181

What the answer is so simple, and

it's so human, and it's never a thing.

182

It is the experience of being connected

to yourself, learning to accept

183

yourself more and more, and that

doesn't mean full total acceptance.

184

We're not capable of that.

185

You can go for it, you can shoot for it,

but appreciate every step of growth, and

186

don't let that go by, because the smallest

things are the things that get us started.

187

So if you can have a goal of, some

giant accomplishment, but along

188

the way, acknowledge the wins.

189

That is really all we have, and chances

are, by the time you achieve your great

190

goal, you have another but it's, it

is baby steps, and I always say that.

191

There's not this A to Z plan, and

you're looking at the Z down the

192

road and you're like, "I have to do

these it's all over- . the place, and

193

especially when you've been through

those kind of traumas, because you said,

194

you're scanned to look for the worst.

195

That's your, that's human nature.

196

That is to protect you.

197

When you grew up in those

dysfunctional homes, it's even worse.

198

Yeah.

199

You literally lay in bed, and you can

have a positive thought, but it's…

200

It's I was talking to someone this morning

who said, "Why is it that when things are

201

good, I, that's when I get my anxiety?"

202

I'm like, "Because you're so used

to scanning for the negative,

203

when things are good, you panic."

204

, "What's gonna happen?

205

What is my brain-" Exactly.

206

… It's a very uncomfortable feeling

for some people, but that's

207

where, the writing, that's where,

just ask yourself a question.

208

And with the little baby steps, , I

tell people, "If you don't know what to

209

journal, you don't know what to write…"

210

, You're giving them prompts, so this

is amazing that you give them the

211

prompts, but I always just say, "Ask

yourself what's something that would

212

make me feel 1% better right now?"

213

Not 100% better, 1% better.

214

I think when you go deep, you

can ask yourself any question.

215

You can even ask yourself,

", what do I need right now?

216

What do I want?

217

What do I feel like eating?"

218

And let's say what you feeling,

what you feel like eating is out

219

of reach and out of your purse.

220

So what?

221

Don't limit your dream.

222

You want lobster?

223

Dream for lobster, and then

see how close you can get.

224

Fried shrimp?

225

Frozen?

226

Okay, I'll have it.

227

But rather than limiting your imagination,

don't be afraid if your imagination

228

exceeds what is possible in this moment.

229

That is just as important as finding

a way to tolerate life's ambivalence.

230

We're never gonna have a good day that

lasts forever, and we're never gonna

231

have a bad day that lasts forever.

232

But when you can anticipate that

sometimes bad things happen, for me,

233

every time a bad thing has happens,

I'm like, "Thank you, God, that

234

it's not could always be worse.

235

Mm-hmm.

236

But when you don't, as you're saying,

I came from a violent home as well,

237

and when you don't have a baseline

of safety, and all you have are the

238

brilliant ideas that the child you

came up with, they helped you survive.

239

But now as an adult, I don't have to tell

you this, but- Never have … now as an

240

adult, you have to upgrade your techniques

because, it's not or hiding because you

241

don't think anybody is safe, things like

that aren't really going to serve you.

242

But small steps, small risks that you

believe have some potential of that really

243

does help And also just being in , the

feeling of I can feel this bad feeling

244

and still feel the good at the same time.

245

Yes.

246

I had a guy on my podcast not too long

ago, and he gifts or something like that.

247

It's Interesting … I can hold this bad

situation, but still see the positive

248

out of it, and what I'm growing from,

what I'm learning from, what I'm

249

taking from these bad situations, and

the fact that you just survived them.

250

If you- Exactly … survive it,

you're safe, and that makes your…

251

I call it my safety bubble.

252

It's come out of those abusive childhoods

or whatever, any kind of dysfunction.

253

Yeah.

254

But the more you can convince

yourself, and the more that you

255

can make your body, and you have

to feel safe, not just think safe.

256

You have to feel.

257

But…

258

And I love that you bring

it into the writing.

259

I I absolutely love that.

260

Because so many people,

I think, are afraid.

261

You said, , they're afraid

to just put it down.

262

It has to be perfect.

263

It has to be whatever.

264

I tell people, just when you

first start, just word vomit.

265

Don't edit, about it.

266

When I went through, inner child work, a

lot of it, and we used to write letters

267

back and forth to our younger selves,

I would do it with my opposite hand

268

Brilliant, yeah it, they've told, and the

reason I remember they always telling me

269

is that it bounces back and forth between

your sides of the brain and everything

270

else, and I had a different theory

on it when I became older, obviously.

271

But I feel like it took the ego out of it.

272

I was so focused on concentrating

on the letters, I wasn't really even

273

thinking about what I was writing.

274

So I was writing from- Oh, wow … I

was writing from my subconscious.

275

I was just writing, but I was more focused

on the actual letter, if that makes sense.

276

Of course.

277

But I would go back after and

read it and be like, "Oh, crap."

278

I was amazed at what I wrote, and I

didn't judge it, and there wasn't…

279

And that's, I think that's the big thing.

280

Don't worry, just write.

281

And just know it's not only you.

282

We all struggle with that, and

there are very good reasons for it.

283

And when we have fear, it's always for a

good reason, even if it's miscalculated.

284

So why are we afraid to write?

285

Because we've all been made fun of.

286

We've, some people have had, the teacher,

"This is what so and so did wrong."

287

We're told that there's a right way and a

wrong way, and when it comes to expressing

288

ourselves, there's no way but our way.

289

And when we just work with

ourselves over time, it takes time.

290

Then you eventually

discover your own voice.

291

And again, it's not about perfect writing.

292

It's just about expressing yourself.

293

Just write it, like you said, vomit it.

294

Later on, you wanna go back

and edit it, you can do that.

295

Or later on you may go back and correct

it because, "No, that's not really

296

what I just such a great way to get

clarity on things that are important.

297

So you do a lot of, structured

storytelling with your people though.

298

Is that what you're teaching them, is

how to actually come up with, structured

299

and organized, or you do more of the…

300

Are your groups more of just the

free flowing, vomiting, word vomit?

301

It's, yes, it's, what happens is,

the narrative method has 12 core

302

concepts, and we cycle through

them each week, so one per week.

303

So I'll first show the

concept of the week.

304

We were talking about gratitude.

305

One is actually radical gratitude,

and radical gratitude, I'll tell

306

you about in a second, but let

me tell you about the structure.

307

So we put up the concept of the week,

and then there's a photo, some compelling

308

and then there's a prompt

based on that photo.

309

So they get to write for seven

minutes in any style, - you

310

could write a laundry list.

311

I don't care.

312

Write whatever comes up.

313

And after those seven minutes, you

get a second prompt to weave in,

314

finish your piece, and then we go into

small breakouts of about four people.

315

Everyone shares.

316

Everyone else is just a witness.

317

And then they can have a

conversation afterwards.

318

So it's very connective.

319

We do other, breakout groups and other

activities within this very tight hour,

320

and of course, people get to share their

thoughts about the experience or their

321

writing or what's happening with them.

322

So the concept of radical gratitude

came about many years ago.

323

My baby and I were sitting on the

second floor having a conversation

324

with someone, and there was

this teeny little open window.

325

And my baby was…

326

That was the window, and

I had my arm around him.

327

And in a split second, he was

somehow, 45 degrees out that

328

window, and I just went like that.

329

He didn't know.

330

My friend didn't know.

331

I could have just gone on.

332

But something stopped for me, and it

was one of those aha moments, and I

333

thought, "Oh, my God, if anything had

happened, what would have happened to me?"

334

I'd be banging on the ground,

making deals with God.

335

My life would be ruined, my

husband's life, all of the

336

things that would have happened.

337

So why would I let a close call

go unnoticed as a gift, as the

338

greatest gift in this case?

339

And since then, 31 years ago, every time

I survive a close call, whether it's

340

almost getting hit by a car or almost

getting knocked with- when something

341

falls, whatever that is, I jump up and

down because your body movements help

342

you remember, and I just say thank you.

343

Just say thank you to whomever you thank.

344

And realize the more you do this,

the more you see how lucky you are.

345

We all think we're unlucky because

of this and that, especially if we

346

grew up in a unloving environment.

347

But the truth is you survived that.

348

You survived this day to find Tammy.

349

And we have the capacity to

stay ultra aware of the positive

350

things that happen, and I believe

that's through radical gratitude.

351

I love that concept, I

try to use it every day.

352

I know when talk about people when they

talk about and I'll be sitting there

353

and, the people in the car with me will

be like, "Oh, my God, he cut me off,"

354

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

355

And I always think, what's

going through my head?

356

One time I said to my…

357

I was like, "What am I thinking about?"

358

And I was I was literally sitting there

being, and just thanking whoever that

359

I didn't have to be in such a hurry,

that my lifestyle afforded me the

360

luxury of not having to cut people off.

361

I was just like, "Heh."

362

And when you live like that and

you start scanning for that stuff,

363

and you can in every situation.

364

To get into, lucrative

habit is a beautiful way to

365

put it … you said, yeah.

366

Every time, just find the good in it.

367

Find the good in every situation.

368

And also, when we've been abused

or hurt, we're even more likely

369

to react emotionally because our

nervous system is very easily

370

evoked, and we're mad at that person.

371

It's a good time to remember that

person did not wake up to of course

372

in when it comes to traffic, it's

extremely dangerous and you're

373

upset, but it wasn't deliberate.

374

And, they may be driving erratically,

but it's still about them.

375

And knowing that and applying that to

all situations when people are behaving

376

inappropriately does help us calm down.

377

So I, if I'm cut off in a

situation or something happens

378

like that, I can stop the reaction.

379

So it's not so bad to have the feeling.

380

Oh, no.

381

And when you see the feeling, acknowledge

there's a good reason for that.

382

But to make a choice in that split

second to respond differently, you

383

said, that is a habit, a practice.

384

It takes time for it to become

more automatic, but it can.

385

We are constantly changing.

386

Our brains are plastic throughout life.

387

Mm-hmm.

388

So we can make changes to become

who we really are underneath

389

things that have happened to us.

390

Absolutely, and I always say

there's power, there's so much power

391

In the pause - Mm-hmm … you're up

on a stage in front of 500 people

392

speaking, and you say something, and

then you pause and you let it hit.

393

Or when your kids do something, and

your instant gut reaction is to lash,

394

and if you just pause and think.

395

And it's the difference.

396

I have a whole reset program

, that I have online, and it's

397

literally just the difference

between reacting and responding.

398

Miles Davis, who would've been 100

yesterday, said something to the

399

effect of, "It's not the wrong note you

play, it's the note you play after."

400

And I love that, because that's

what jazz is, and life is jazz.

401

It's unpredictable, it's fantastic,

and it's really something

402

that we can't always control.

403

But how we respond can make it

brilliant in a way that we wouldn't

404

have thought of consciously.

405

Absolutely.

406

And just getting into that positive

mindset in general, and I'm not

407

about toxic positivity, just putting

a smile on, pretending everything's

408

good, because life is not always good,

that's what I always told my kids.

409

" Healthy people heal people-" Mm-hmm

… "and hurt people hurt people."

410

Mm-hmm.

411

It's kind of like when

you deal with addiction.

412

Nobody wakes up one morning and

says, "I think I'll drink myself

413

to death and destroy my family."

414

Yeah.

415

"That sounds like a great idea."

416

Nobody does that.

417

So when you're angry,

you're angry for a reason.

418

When they're angry,

they're angry for a reason.

419

So kind of flip it and, and that's

what I like part of the journaling

420

part too, is when you have those

experiences- Turn a compassionate eye.

421

Just be curious Yes … if you

just change judgment to curiosity-

422

Yes .. It softens your entire world.

423

Exactly, and, put your

hand on your heart, honey.

424

Mm-hmm.

425

Be your own good parent and say, "What are

you feeling underneath the anger or the

426

anxiety or the rage," whatever that is.

427

Mm-hmm.

428

And inevitably you will find, you might

first get the answer, "I feel hurt," or,

429

"I feel ignored," whatever that might be.

430

Then you can go deeper.

431

Why?

432

Why do I feel like that?

433

And once you're able to understand

how your nervous system developed and

434

how it is part makes a big difference.

435

Mm-hmm.

436

It's, we're just human.

437

We just Nobody's so good at it.

438

Nobody's mastered it, and , the

mind-body connection is insane,

439

because I can trick my mind really

easily, but I cannot trick my body.

440

You can't.

441

Mm.

442

You just physically can't trick

what is stuck in cells of decades

443

of nervous system dysregulation.

444

You have to get it out, and

, honestly, it, it's expression.

445

You said, it's movement, it's writing,

it's, having that emotion, but

446

being able to bring it back down.,

447

That's what we struggle with.

448

Yes.

449

But we have the capacity- Mm-hmm … to

talk to ourselves and talk to our

450

body, and when our anxiety comes

down, even the simple act of touching

451

your heart, your body does respond.

452

Mm-hmm.

453

Um, you're not going to get rid of a

disease by going like this, but you

454

might ease your experience with it, and

that is what we can do in real time.

455

Just knowing that nobody goes from A to

Z in a moment is also helpful, and that

456

we're living through all these days.

457

You can dream of going from

A to Z, but then what happens

458

to all those other years?

459

You can be there, too.

460

Aspiration is a beautiful state.

461

Oh, absolutely.

462

Absolutely.

463

Ah, love it.

464

So I'm gonna go back a little bit, just

real quickly, back to the structured

465

storytelling, because I really do that.

466

You help people- build these stories and

build these- how is that different than

467

you and me sitting here talking right now?

468

Well, it's- Like a regular conversation

… it's completely different because

469

you're only conversing with yourself.

470

Okay.

471

And when you're in flow, you don't even

realize, you don't even think about it.

472

You're just in alternate

space with no pain.

473

It's like floating.

474

It's just so wonderful.

475

And then when you come out of it, you

look down, you've written something.

476

Now, we're not always in flow just

because we'd like to be, but that

477

state is different from conversing.

478

Because in talking with someone

else, empathizing hopefully, you're

479

feeling them, you're thinking about

them, and as important as that is

480

for your relationship, the process

of writing is and only for you.

481

So that's one of the reasons that

for us it's so important that

482

people don't get feedback or fixed.

483

Don't fix me.

484

I was, yeah, I was kinda getting at that.

485

Because when you're writing, when

you're having a conversation, especially

486

if it gets intense or you're talking

about the past or you're talking about

487

your whatever it is, no matter h- it's

human nature to want to protect not

488

only yourself, but the other person.

489

So you're, no matter what- Yes … you're,

you're kinda constantly processing,

490

how am I going to word this to be

right, "right" quote unquote, you said.

491

But when you're just your

story, your story alone.

492

There's no, there's no judgment.

493

Now,

494

… I know during a 12 step program, there's

a lot of online, ACA, Al-Anon, there's

495

all these programs online, and that's one

of the feedback I get and where I get a

496

lot of my clients from are people that go

to these groups and they want feedback.

497

Mm-hmm.

498

That's, sharing and then being

like, "Thank you for your share."

499

And then they're like- Mm-hmm … left

hanging out there like, "Okay, what

500

do I do with that information?"

501

Do you get that feedback at all?

502

No, because, this is so deeply satisfying.

503

We're not, avoiding feedback because

we don't want more clarity or we

504

don't want, the give and take.

505

We're simply avoiding the feedback so

that people can develop a relationship

506

with themselves that's not dependent

on other people's responses.

507

When you can hang with you, I said

before, you're just not lonely.

508

So if you start really imagining

how many ideas you have a day, the

509

thousands and thousands of thoughts

you have every day, which by the way,

510

most are the same as you had yesterday.

511

Mm-hmm.

512

But there are so many that you're still

going to have a whole bunch of new ones.

513

So it's really a matter of what

you're saying, finding hope,

514

finding enough hope to a little bit.

515

And then when you have achieved

that shift, which that can happen

516

instantly, you can go from being

very upset to calmer, acknowledge it.

517

Acknowledge yourself for having

achieved that, especially if

518

you tried to do it deliberately.

519

Small wins.

520

Absolutely.

521

Absolutely.

522

Yeah, I was We're on the same page.

523

I definitely.

524

I just was curious about

that because it makes sense.

525

I mean, you're completely non-judgmental.

526

You're have- you're having people

listening, so it is very much like

527

those same type things where, in ACAM-

not a, I don't wanna say it's like a

528

12 step program, but it is, you're just

putting it all out there and no judgment.

529

Yeah.

530

Lots of people from 12 step come.

531

And also, you're not just doing that,

you're also having conversations.

532

You're having one-on-one breakouts

with a prompt- Yeah … and

533

just sharing whatever comes up.

534

And by the way, if you talk about

something else, I don't care.

535

If you write about something

else, I don't care.

536

It's none of my business.

537

I just want you to have

a jumping off point.

538

So don't worry about the prompt.,

539

Make it your own.

540

Yeah.

541

What would you suggest to people?

542

So let's say they wanna just start

doing this, because I know, I've been

543

doing more content on social media,

now I look at everything differently.

544

I look at every scene as, "Oh, this

is, this could strike this in someone."

545

Do you have any suggestions for

people like that to kinda come up with

546

their own prompts or writing ideas?

547

Well, we do have a couple of

card decks that look like this

548

And the, you can get them on our

website, the narrativemethod.org.

549

Um, these have prompts that

correspond to all of the 12 core

550

concepts, and , they're deep.

551

And so I'm gonna, I'll

show you an example.

552

This is not gonna be scientific, but just

say stop and I'll pick a card, any card.

553

Stop.

554

Okay.

555

Not scientific.

556

This one is radical gratitude.

557

Oh, my gosh.

558

Oh, my gosh.

559

That's funny.

560

Pick a different one.

561

No, I'm just kidding.

562

Okay.

563

I'm just kidding.

564

No, I mean, this is really ridiculous

because we were talking about…

565

Anyway.

566

That's funny.

567

First they have a statement,

and then there's a prompt.

568

So the statement is, "A near accident is

an opportunity to thank the universe."

569

And the prompt is, "What close

call were you lucky to survive?"

570

You can use that as a writing prompt.

571

You can use it in a group, of friends,

colleagues, family, what have you, and you

572

will inevitably learn more about people

that you think … can grab those card

573

decks on your, on your website you said?

574

At the narrativemethod.org,

575

yes.

576

And I will- And that's also

where you can sign up for salons.

577

They're free.

578

Okay.

579

They happen multiple times a week,

and all you need to know is that

580

each salon has a different link.

581

So you can sit there and sign up for lots

of them, we're here waiting to meet you.

582

That's awesome.

583

Yeah, I'm gonna put all of those

links for the people listening.

584

Don't try to write it down.

585

Don't pull over.

586

Don't mess up.

587

What I mean?

588

Just listen and then go

back to the show notes.

589

I will have all of her links in

there, all of Sherry's links in there.

590

But Sherry, so tell us if people want to,

I know you just mentioned the website,

591

but if people wanna come work with you

or find out more, where do they go?

592

Best place.

593

They would go to the website, or you can

write me at [email protected].

594

And next spring I have a book coming

out on- Yeah … Harper Collins, which

595

is called The Narrative Method: A

Writing Practice for Not Hating Yourself

596

and Discovering Who You Really Are.

597

And ah, I love that.

598

And at the end of the day,

that's what we all need to do.

599

We all need to-

Yes … discover who we are.

600

And it's not, I had this

discussion this morning too.

601

Wow, I've been on, I've been

on these things a lot today.

602

It's not discovering a

new you, by the way, guys.

603

No.

604

It is going back, it is going back to who

you were born before life lifed on you.

605

Exactly.

606

And he- It's just taking

the overlay away, mm.

607

Y- y- you suck.

608

You're not good enough.

609

You're, you can't…

610

"Shut up, you can't sing."

611

I mean, why do you have to be a

star to feel entitled to enjoy

612

the pleasure of singing or writing

or- anything Yep, absolutely.

613

And you're, you're going back

to, I said, you're going back to

614

the beautiful you, divine you.

615

Just it's all inside of you.

616

Yes.

617

Stop looking from the outside…

618

But we've been so been so conditioned

to just- Yes … be who everybody

619

told us to be and everything else.

620

And I remember I used the comment all the

time at work, and people kind of laugh

621

at me, and I always say, "The day that

I decided that what other people thought

622

of me was none of my business" Nice

623

was the best, best day ever.

624

Don't care.

625

Be unapologetically you.

626

As long as you're not purposely hurting

anybody and you're being the person

627

that- For sure … then who cares?

628

You're gonna have haters.

629

If you don't have a hater, you

haven't done anything big enough.

630

You're absolutely right.

631

We can't control what people think of us.

632

Mm-mm.

633

It is none of our business.

634

And what people take away from us is

never the enormity that we experience.

635

. But when we connect deeply, when we're

being real rather than acting, the way we

636

and they understand, and they empathize.

637

It's hard not to love somebody

who's being vulnerable.

638

Yeah.

639

Yeah, and who's being themselves

and who's just being 100% honest.

640

Yeah.

641

Absolutely.

642

Absolutely.

643

Well, Shari, this was so much fun.

644

So thank you so much for coming on.

645

Thank you.

646

And before you leave, I want

you to give the listeners one

647

last words of advice or- Mm-hmm

648

words of wisdom or whatever.

649

Well, some big picture tangible

thing they can take with them to

650

make their day a little brighter.

651

Okay.

652

Well, here's what I think.

653

It's not what you've achieved that

will make people connect to you,

654

it's what you've struggled with.

655

When you share that, you're

showing them everything.

656

And when you go deep, the

other person feels you.

657

That's it.

658

Allow yourself to be who you are,

and accept yourself as you are.

659

That has nothing to do with

aspiring to future things.

660

Just be who you are with other

people and with yourself.

661

Yeah.

662

Ah, love that.

663

Love that message.

664

, And I always say, you're right

where you need to be right now.

665

You're- For sure … you're here.

666

Just embrace it and- Yes … and love it.

667

Absolutely.

668

Well, again, thank you so much.

669

I so appreciate you.

670

Big heart.

671

Sweet.

672

And for everybody else out

there listening, start writing.

673

, Go to the website, check it out.

674

If you're having trouble with

prompts, get the little prompt deck.

675

There's nothing more releasing than just

getting it out of your- Yes … cells,

676

and oh my gosh, I can't stress it enough.

677

Enough people do not

give it enough credit.

678

, I regret that I stopped writing and

stopped journaling for years because I was

679

just afraid somebody was gonna read it.

680

And then I finally was- Okay,

so- Screw that, I don't care

681

and that's, it's a perfect opportunity

now retrospective- y- we can't

682

do anything about that, but the

fact that you don't have that

683

fear stopping you now, fantastic.

684

Mm-hmm.

685

Yep.

686

Anyway.

687

Yeah.

688

You're a doll, Tammy.

689

Thank you so much.

690

And you all have a very blessed

day, and thank you again, Sherry.

691

Appreciate it so much.

692

Lots of love.

693

Thanks.

694

Thanks.