April Nowlin is a Certified Relationship Coach and the founder of Monday Grace Ministry Care, a ministry wellness initiative that supports leaders in healing, wholeness, and sustainable service. She has used her journey of heartbreak and renewal to fuel her calling to help people heal deeply and love wisely.

In addition to her 10 years of coaching experience, April has had the privilege of serving in ministry for over 20 years. Through her coaching programs, Monday Grace Ministry Care, The When Love Comes podcast, and relationship resources, April helps both individuals and ministry leaders create safe, steady, and meaningful relationships, without losing themselves in the process.

Website | Podcast

Welcome to 12 Minute Converse with Jesus Believers.

God chose first to have a conversation with us, His creation.

Our prayer is that this listening space brings growth and transforms your life forever.

Praise God for you April.

It's a great pleasure to connect with you.

What part of the world are you in today?

So I am in sunny Arizona in the USA where it is spring but probably feels like summer to the rest of the world.

What a great description.

I'm immediately feeling as though yeah I could visit Arizona right now.

That's wonderful.

Were you born there?

No, I was born in St. Louis, Missouri but I'm a military brat so I've lived quite a few places and in Germany for a little bit and then moved here about 30 years ago.

Wow.

What do you think is the reason that people actually blame themselves when a relationship doesn't work out?

I do believe that there should be some level of accountability when a relationship doesn't work out because typically when we see relationships fail it's not just one person, it's both people.

The word blame though I think sometimes can stop us from searching after healing because we're so stuck in what I did wrong or maybe you know who I am and you know did I am I the wrong person all those type of things.

So I do think that there should be a level of accountability when a relationship fails.

Where we get stuck though and where I was stuck for 20 years was not really understanding why I made certain choices in relationships, why I chose certain people and where I wasn't healed.

How did you begin to identify that that was a challenge?

I went to therapy.

At the time that I started my healing journey I was 41.

I had just gone through my third divorce within a 20-year span.

I was angry with God and I just wanted help and so I went to therapy and the first question she asked me was to tell her about my childhood and I assumed that it had nothing to do with my relationships but how I was raised and the experiences I had had everything to do with those relationships that I had chosen.

When did you come to the realization that you wanted to be someone that helped others with this?

At the end of 2019, I had gone through my third divorce beginning of 2019.

I went through this

year-long healing journey that involved a lot of prayer and therapy and ice cream and anger and

tears and travel and all the things and at the end of that year God said I want you to tell your story

and I said no because as someone who was raised in the church, I was working at a church, I did not

want the world to know that I had been divorced three times and so it really was out of an

obedience to God that I started doing this work going into 2020.

It's amazing to see the direction that you decided to go in terms of helping others despite the challenges that you've had and even the question you made mention of with someone asking how do you handle the judgment and still going on what would you say is the result of the core strength of who you are today?

You know I think the result for me was healing.

Doing this work really opened up the door for me to heal personally.

See when I went through that third divorce, I was at what I you know can only describe as a rock bottom.

I was tired.

I was tired of starting over.

I was tired of the financial, the physical, the mental, the emotional ramifications that came from divorce.

I was just tired.

I was just at a place where I was like God I cannot survive another one.

Like I literally felt like I could not survive another divorce and so for me the result was my healing and so I thank God that I can now help other people heal and share that with others but I'm going to be honest with you.

This journey started with healing for me and being an example for my daughter.

Yeah tell me about your children.

So they were children from one of the marriages.

Yes so I have a daughter from my second marriage.

She is about to turn 18 and she was 10 years old during my third divorce and so one of the things that I always did with her was allow her to ask questions about what was happening.

Allow her to share her feelings about what was happening and then we talked about it because you know she's 17.

She's on social media.

She sees my videos.

She knows the work that I do and so we've had quite a few conversations about how my relationship journey has gone and what you shouldn't do.

Take me through your coaching process and helping women that are listening build the fortress they need in understanding who they are in making the right decision.

Yeah so I do work with a lot of women.

I also work with men so if there are men that are listening the last I think two years I've begun working with men and then also working with couples but the first thing that I do is take them on a journey of self-discovery.

One of the things that I have realized is that in many cases we don't actually know who we are in this point in time and so you might have someone who had been married for 20 years and they knew who that woman was 20 years ago or that man was 20 years ago but who is that person today so we really start there.

We do take a look at the journey of that relationship and what I can tell you is that in most cases if we discuss how your relationship started we can definitely understand the journey of that relationship and so those are the two places that I begin really with this kind of self-discovery.

Who are you today?

Did you remarry?

So I am currently not married but I am open to marriage.

I do believe that humans are flawed but marriage as God created is not flawed and so I do want to get married again and I'm looking forward to it.

So if you were the client that you were working with what would be the advice or the stage you would be in right now?

So if I was the client I would be ready for a new relationship.

Everyone's journey is different.

I don't even know that I could have said that two years ago because I was still on a healing journey and funny enough two years ago I was in a relationship that was very healthy and it was very stable and God just said this isn't it.

This is not what I have.

God's best for you.

This is not my best for you and so I felt like that relationship was for lack of better words a test because in other relationships God told me to walk away and I didn't and this time I did walk away and it was a healthy split.

We you know don't hate each other anything like that.

It was just God said no and so for myself and for anyone who's in this space where they have gone through the healing process.

They hear God's voice.

They're waiting for God's direction.

That is a healthy place to be in for someone who is desiring a relationship.

Five years from today you've listened to this conversation.

It popped up on your feed right?

You're listening to it.

You sound amazing right?

You've definitely matured.

Your evolution has been amazing.

What's a message you'd leave for future you?

Never forget the journey.

You know sometimes it's such an on-time question because a few days before this recording I spoke at a women's conference and the word that I was given for that conference was resilience and God really took me back.

So I'm currently 49.

God took me back through like the last 40 years of my life just talking about the different things that have made me resilient and so it just reminded me of the journey.

It reminded me of God's grace and his favor and you know all the things and so I hope that five years from now as I'm listening you know to this interview I'm just reminded again of the journey.

Is there any question that I could have asked that I didn't ask that would help you serve us better?

You know I don't think that there was a question that you didn't ask but there's one thing that I always like to just kind of end on when I'm talking about people who have been divorced or even people who've gone through a heartbreak.

Some people have been with a person for a very long time.

You weren't officially married but you you're broken up and you're still going through the trauma of heartbreak and it is just a reminder that you know divorce might be a death but it's not a death sentence and so it does not define who you are in God's eyes and that there's always time for you to walk with God and restart your story.

Hey bro this has been a great pleasure.

I appreciate you passing by.

A pleasure, a treasure.

Thank you for being what is inspired by 12 Minute Chronicles.