1. Finding Your Strength: An Invitation to Lead

Hey mama, I know exactly what it feels like when you’re barely keeping your head above water. I’ve been where you are. There were days when raising my two youngest sons who were just two and four years old when their father walked out felt like an impossible weight. In those moments, "thriving" isn't even on the radar; you’re just trying to survive the next hour. But I want to share a truth that changed everything for me: to see our families truly flourish, we have to move from "getting by" to a mindset of parenting as leadership.

In my own journey, this shift happened when I stopped trying to carry the burden of being a solo mom on my own shoulders. I realized that I didn't have to parent from a place of depletion, but could begin parenting from a position of power. This isn't a power we muster up ourselves; it’s a power that comes from a radical realization I had while my boys were small: I wasn't actually alone. I was co-parenting with God. When we move from the struggle of isolation into a divine partnership, our entire parenting landscape changes.

2. The Radical Shift: Co-Parenting with God [02:15]

Viewing God as your co-parent is the foundational step for any mother seeking to lead her household with confidence. When my husband left, I hit rock bottom. I felt like I couldn't even parent myself, let alone two babies, and there were moments I wanted to end it all. But then my mind shifted. I realized that if God cared for me, He cared for the children He gifted me.

By making God your primary confidant, you protect yourself from the judgment of others. I learned early on that some people are only waiting for you to tell them your problems so they can use them against you. Confiding in God instead reduces that crushing burden of decision-making and keeps your heart safe.

My journey from Atlanta to New York is a perfect example of this partnership. I had my mind set on going to Florida. But I had asked for God's help, and He led me to New York. Even when it felt like the craziest idea ever, I followed His lead because I knew He had the answers I didn't. This partnership allows you to:

• Navigate Financial Uncertainty: Turning to Him when the numbers don't add up.
• Receive Decisive Guidance: Seeking wisdom for your children's future.
• Find Emotional Safety: Knowing you have a partner who never leaves.

Before we can effectively lead our children, we must first allow ourselves to be led.

3. The Oxygen Mask: Letting God Parent You [06:40]

You know the airplane instruction: put on your own oxygen mask first. In parenting, this is a strategic necessity. If we don’t address our own internal wounds, anger at the ex, impatience, or the deep insecurity that abandonment leaves us with, we can’t lead our children well.

I had to learn to let God parent me. I didn't know my earthly father, but I discovered through the Word that God is an all-powerful, loving Father. Adopting Him as your own Father provides the emotional security you need to handle conflict and life’s challenges. As Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us, when we trust Him with all our heart and stop depending on our own limited understanding, He shows us exactly which path to take. When we ask Him to help us with our fear or frustration, that internal healing becomes visible to our children. They see us being led, and it teaches them how to follow.

4. Leadership Through Demonstration & The Power of Apology [10:45]

True leadership in the home is demonstrative. Our children internalize our reactions more than our instructions. We have to move away from that old "boss" mentality where the parent is always right just because they’re in charge. Instead, we lead by example.

One of the most powerful tools you have is a sincere apology. I grew up in a culture where parents never apologized, but I’m telling you, it builds respect. If you lose your temper and start cussing or carrying on because someone made you mad, apologize to your child. Say, "I'm sorry I acted that way; I let my emotions control me." That’s a seed of accountability. You’re teaching them how to handle their own future mistakes.

Leadership in Action:

• Money Management: I have to be honest, I’ve struggled with a "scarcity mindset" myself, where you get money and feel you need to spend it immediately. My guest, Al Jones, saw this in his own mother. Leading means breaking those cycles of poor credit and impulsive spending.
• Health Habits: Modeling how we value our bodies through exercise and nutrition.
• Respect for Others: Refusing to gossip or speak ill of the children’s father in their presence.
• Emotional Regulation: Showing them how to respond to hardship without losing control.

5. Rewriting the Legacy: Breaking Generational Cycles [14:50]

As the leader of your home, you have the power to recalibrate your family legacy. It’s about rejecting the idea that "this is just in my DNA." My family had a legacy of high blood pressure and young people dying of aneurysms. But 40 years ago, my mother who is now 91, decided to focus on her health. She changed the trajectory. I think about Patti LaBelle, who saw the women in her family dying of cancer and decided she wasn't going to "buy into" that legacy.

You can alter your bloodline. I see it in my sons. My oldest maintained celibacy until he was married at 38, and my younger sons have made intentional choices about their own health and lives. Legacy isn't one dramatic declaration; it’s repeated behavior.

The Legacy Audit

Ask yourself these questions to see what needs to change:

• How does our family handle money?
• How do we resolve conflict? (Is it yelling, or prayer and apology?)
• How do we talk about people when they aren't around?
• Do we keep our word?
• How do we treat our bodies?

Remember: some things can stop with you, and some things can start with you.

6. The Ministry of Imperfection [20:00]

Sustainable leadership means releasing the perfectionism trap. You aren't "screwing up your kids" because you aren't perfect. When we realize that children are a reward and a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3), we can finally relax. Your home is your primary ministry.

You don't have to be perfect; you just have to be present and willing to let God work in your life right in front of them. Let them see you pray, let them see you learn, and let them see you change course. As Isaiah 41:10 promises, you don't have to fear or be dismayed, because God is with you, strengthening you and upholding you with His hand.

7. Episode Summary & Scripture Reference Table

Scriptures for the Solo Mom’s Journey

James 1:5 - Seeking wisdom for parenting decisions from a God who gives generously without fear of rebuke.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (NIV).

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Relying on divine guidance instead of personal understanding to find the right path for your family.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take (NLT).

Proverbs 22:6 - Investing in your child's future by training them through demonstrative leadership.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it (WEB).

Psalm 127:3 - Reframing children as a gift and a reward to lower parental anxiety and perfectionism.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him (NLT).

Isaiah 41:10 - Finding the strength to lead by resting in the promise that God is upholding you.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (NIV).

In this episode, we explore how a solo mom can transition from survival mode to parenting as leadership. By embracing the radical concept of co-parenting with God, mothers can alleviate the burden of decision-making and begin rewriting their generational legacy. Learn why demonstrative leadership and the power of apology are more effective than a "boss" mentality in shaping a child's character and breaking the cycle of scarcity.

8. Call to Action (CTA)

I invite you to take this journey further. If you need a daily reminder that you aren't walking this path alone, please check out my 21-day Christian devotional, Courage to Believe. It’s available on Amazon and is translated into French, Spanish, Portuguese, German, and Italian (and it's free on Kindle Unlimited!). **Amazon affiliate links when you purchase I earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.

I’d also love to connect with you. Follow me on Instagram @solomomstalk or subscribe to the SoloMoms Talk Podcast on YouTube. Contact: https://www.jrosemarie.com/contact

Reach out and share your story with me. I want to know: how did this mind shift feel for you? What is the one thing God is asking you to change today?

Remember, mama, some things can stop with you, and some things can start with you. Thank you for listening.

https://solomomstalk.mysites.io/podcast-2-copy/co-parent-with-god-to-be-a-better-parent-leader

This podcast is hosted by Captivate, try it yourself for free.

Hello Solo Mom, how are you today? Do you think of parenting as leadership? If you've ever wondered what parenting from a position of power feels like, this episode is for you. Today's episode may just get you unstuck from survival mode. I'm J. Rosemarie Francis. Welcome or welcome back to Solomon's Talks.

Experience that being a solo mother can feel overwhelming at times. That's why I wrote Courage to Believe, a 21-day Christian devotional for single moms. It reminds us that we don't have to walk alone. It offers scriptural encouragement and reflection. You can find it on my storefront and Amazon. It's also available free with Kindle Unlimited and available in French, English, Spanish.

Portuguese, German, Italian, as well as English. See the link below to discover a radical way to cast your care on Jesus. Today I want to talk about parenting as ministry. You know, I was thinking the other day, looking at my sons who are now adults and wondering about the different ways I could have parent differently.

This is not a regret or a woulda shoulda coulda thought process. It's me thinking through parenting and parenting, parenting alone versus parenting with God, co-parenting with God. So today I'm going to talk about parenting as a ministry because there's so many things that we do as parents that affect our the

our children's lives. And I think sometimes we we don't understand the implication of our actions in the immediate moment because we're busy parenting. But maybe if someone had told us or someone had mentioned, someone had talked about the different aspects of parenting and how we could

insert godly parenting into the way we navigate relationship with our children maybe we would know and understand that we do the best we could because most of us will be thinking did I do enough what did I do wrong and I'm saying two things here

One, you did the best you could. And after they're 18, generally, the the responsibility no longer rests on your shoulder. So I I want to go into this. I don't want to make it a a wish I could have, but I also want it to be for parents who are still in the middle.

Of raising children, whether they're young or older, is just to give some tips that may help in everyday moments. This isn't something new you have to do or a list you have to follow. This is just something to think about in the everyday moments with our children, because a lot of times every little situation is a teachable moment. And I think

I'm a big believer in how mindset frames the way we live. It affects our actions and reaction. And if we could reframe our mindset sometimes with parenting, it can make a big difference. And I proved that during the latter part of parenting so long. So the first thing I want to talk about is peer co parenting with God. I've mentioned it before.

but I've not really gone into it too much. And it may sound like a radical concept, and maybe it is. And for me, the co-parenting with God comes where I I no longer believed that I was in this parenting thing alone. And to remind you, my husband walked out on me and my two and four-year-old. They were the youngest children. And

It was a hard time trying to figure out how I was going to raise two babies alone. And what compounded the the challenge for me was me thinking that I couldn't parent myself, let alone two young children. So that is the premise that I'm going from and where I'm starting from right now. So the co parenting with God came

For me, and this term didn't come till later when I was writing the devotional. This thought process is where you you remind yourself that you're not in this alone. It's where I said to God, I can't do this. And rather than continue down the path I was continuing where I didn't want anything to do with it, you know, I wanted to commit, you know, to end it all for me.

But then my mind shifted to where I realized that God cared about me. And if he cared about me, he'll care about these children as well that he has gifted me with. And and so I took them to church and I dedicated them. And from from that point on, I reminded God every time there was a difficulty, there was a challenge.

basic challenges like financial problems, or where it was uncertainty over the future, or what decisions to make concerning those boys. I turned to God because I didn't have the answer. And rather than burden myself with trying to figure it out.

Or having discussions with people who are only waiting for were only waiting for me to tell them a problem so they could use it against me. I decided to confine in God. And that's what co-parenting with God looks like from my perspective. Is knowing he cares and expecting him to guide you into where you need to go concerning your children. And

Nothing is going to be perfect. It won't ever look like the way you planned it. Because this is where my journey from Atlanta to New York came about. And it was the craziest idea ever. But I decided that I had asked for his help and he was going to help me, even if it wasn't the way I wanted it. I wanted to go to Florida. He had other ideas.

And I talk about that in the devotionals as well, as well as other parts of this podcast and in my blog writing. But I want to stop for a minute and just give a reference to a couple of scriptures that may support if if this is something that seems foreign to you, it may help you if if you're thinking about what I'm talking about.

That may help to ground your your thought process because I can't help you with anything. I could just relate my experience. But God can help you. And so I always like to share scripture, you know, and what he says about certain things. So here goes. I'll have a list of scriptures in the show notes under each section. So the first one is James 1, verse 5. If you need wisdom, ask our generous God.

And he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. And I have a couple more and I'll leave them in the link in the show notes below. The second point I want to make about parenting as ministry is that you know you always hear this this saying, put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you want to put it on someone else, like if you're on an airplane and the airplane's going down.

And this is what the second point is about. Let God parent you. Meaning, seek God for anything that is happening in your life as a parent, as a woman, as a mother. Consult God first. Ask Him to lead you, to guide you in your decision making. And this is like in a general sense. But maybe you're dealing with emotions.

that that's affecting your parenting. Impatience, fear of the future, anger at the co-parent or the ex. If you feel the constant need to control everything, but things just slip out of your hands and there's no control. Or you're insecure about how life is, you know, abandonment can result in insecurity. And and that's one of the things I struggled with.

poor financial habits or the way you handle conflict or you know just frustrated with life because it's so challenging. Maybe you didn't plan to have to be raising children solo, but here we are. And so one of the ways to shift that mindset is to ask God to be your father because He is. And I talk about

How I experienced this transformation based on discovering that God was my father while doing this discovery group. And that created a radical change in my thinking because even though I didn't know my earthly father, I have seen, I've had enough friends and relationships to know that fathers can be earthly fathers can be good.

And a good father takes care of his children. And after reading the first five books of the Bible, the Torah, I discovered that God as father was loving and kind. And that I wanted that father because I didn't have one on earth. But even if you had one, even if you had a good loving father, God can be that father that is all powerful.

And this is where your power as a single mom comes from. Your hope, your trust, your belief, your faith in a God who is all powerful, who is omnipotent. And so I encourage you to, while you are co-parenting with God, asking him for help, turning your child's welfare over to him, turn yourself over to him. I I assure you.

It will create a radical mind shift that will help you develop a pattern of trusting God even in the most difficult times. Proverbs 3, 5 and 6 says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. Because sometimes the

The most important parenting work God does isn't in our children or isn't for our children. It's in us and how he bolsters our parenting journey by working on us, working on our hearts and our minds. Next, I want to talk about parenting as a leadership and in a demonstrative way. So

You know, sometimes we we have these relationships where people said, Well, I'm the leader, so I decide. And maybe that's correct, but I want to approach this parent as leader in a different way. So you may tell your child what to do, but the way you demonstrate your life, that thought process in your life is how they learn. I remember growing up.

As a teenager and going to church, they were always calling you to give your life to Christ and all this stuff. I didn't wanna. And I'm gonna be honest, the reason I didn't want to was because the people who were trying to get me to give myself to Christ was they weren't living an exemplary life. As far as I was concerned, if that's what they were calling me to or encouraging me to do, I didn't wanna do it. I it wasn't

Any better than what I was doing without this commitment to Christ. And so this is how our parenting is: is that how we react, how we act, affect our children's decision making in a more profound way than what we tell them. Proverbs 22:6 says: train up a child in the way he should go. And when he is old,

He will not depart from it. So we have to understand that if we gossip about our neighbors and we yell and scream and talk bad things about their father, your children's father, they hear that and they internalize that and they process it in ways that we can't imagine or think. I'm not a therapist or a psychologist, so I can't tell you.

But I I know from experience that our actions speak louder than words. So in in in our reaction on our relationship with others, co-parents, friends, peer your own parents, and to demonstrate responsibility, to respect people, to manage your money carefully. And I had a guest once, Al Jones, and he talks about

Getting his credit fixed and how his credit was terrible. And he got that from his single mother who just bought things because she thought she needed him. She thought they needed it. And she had no control over her spending. And I can relate to that scarcity mindset. You get money.

And you don't want to keep it. So you'll find a bunch of things you quote unquote need. And so remember that all your actions affect your children. And when you think you're hiding it and they don't see, they see. And they internalize that and make their own, make up their own mind about what that means, what your actions mean. This includes taking care of your health.

I can see the effort I made trying to stay healthy, exercising the way I eat. I can see now my sons were adults, how they tried to eat healthy and take care of themselves. And I'm not taking responsibility for all of that. I'm just saying that I tried to stay healthy and they see that and they've said it, you know. And so I I want to.

Encourage you to trust God to demonstrate more than you talk, more than you yell at, scream at, correct, criticize. Demonstrate the life, the the action, the temperament that you want your children to demonstrate. And I'm going to say this: apologize when you're wrong. Now I'm not saying cuddle your child, but

I grew up in a system where, in a culture where parents didn't apologize to their children, no matter how wrong they were, because they're the boss, they decide, they, you know. And and so I grew up with that culture where anything the parent did goes. But we have to understand that our actions affect our children. And I'm not asking, I'm not saying that you have to.

Cuddle your child and let them get away with everything. You your child need to respect you. And they respect you if you did something that, you know, and I'm gonna give an example. So let's say somebody got you mad and you start cussing and carrying on and you know, and right in your child's present. I think that situation begs an apology to your child. I'm sorry.

I got angry and you know, acted that way in front of you. It's not how I wanted to act, but I let my anger get a ho or emotions control the moment. Your child that is a typical example of what and how you could demonstrate a good character to your child. Because when they in turn act out

And they will. They will have that pattern where they think about it and realize I need to apologize to mom for the way I acted. And not saying it's always gonna happen, but that's a seed to plant. Yeah, that's leadership. So in this section, I have a question for you. What are your children learning? Ask yourself this question. What are your children learning from watching you?

That I never wanted to teach them. So that's one thing that may help you to recalibrate the way you think. Because the mind is a powerful thing. And as a man think it. So let's move on to number four. And this follows number three. Better habits can create a new family legacy. This I have an example for. So my mom is 91 years old and there's a

There's a legacy of high blood pressure in our family line. And lots and lots of young, vibrant individuals in our family has just died, just gave up and died. I had a cousin. She was in her thirties, early thirties, and she took her son to the pediatrician. She sat down while she waited. She just collapsed and died from a brain aneurysm. It's something that was prevalent.

Has been prevalent in our family. My mom, about 40 years ago, I would say, got sick at work. And she stopped working, like just gave up working and focused on herself. And in her 80s, my mom was still going to the gym. And I didn't learn a lot from my mother, but that's one lesson I have learned. And I am determined to remove this legacy of high blood pressure.

From my family. My sister, my my sister that just two years older than me died of massive heart failure. And so it's one of those things that had me taking a hold of my health and taking responsible for my health, because I want to remove that legacy from my bloodline. And there are many others, you know, financial, the way we think, the way we want a war and fight with each other as family.

the the envy, the strife. There are lots of ways you can recalibrate your family legacy through your own children. So this is moving from our individual behavior to how our our how the way we live and teach and lead our children can have generational impact. The legacy of

Having children all over the place as as a man. And and so that is one thing we have to talk to our children about. This is one place where where the talking helps. I told my sons when they were younger, the younger ones, I told them, you know, you don't, you can't raise children. You can't have children until you can take care of yourself.

And I'm hoping that they they listen to that and that the way they're living their lives is is a result of at least partially what I said, you know, and and so f so far my oldest son has is married with children and maintained celibacy a according to him until he was married.

And he got married at thirty-eight, I believe. And my two youngest are in their thirties, no children. And I am blessed for that. I can't take credit for it. I won't take credit, but I know I did some things and said some things that may have assisted in their thought process. So and legacy can sound, you know, very p big and broad and abstract.

But these examples I hope will bring it down to earth for you, will bring it to reality for you. And this because legacy is built on repeated beh behavior. Is one rejecting that this is in my DNA. I remember a story I read about Patty LaBelle, and the story was that Patty LaBelle, her sisters, her aunt, her mother.

All these people in her life, these females, died of breast cancer before they got to 42. Now, if you know Patti La Belle, she's still alive and kicking, and I believe she's in her 80s. And the story said that she decided that she wasn't gonna buy that. She wasn't gonna own that. And so this legacy of breast cancer for her.

didn't have to be her legacy. And that's one of those stories that I believe. And like I said, I looked look at my mom and at 91, you know, still going strong. And these are things that helps us to create a better legacy, to to help our children do better if in in in their

own own generation. The the idea of just not working and not providing for your family and not not doing the things a father, a loving father, would do for their children. And this is one of those legacies that we as leaders of mother-led households can inject into the future generation. So

I want to just ask you a couple of questions as we wrap up. And I have a a a couple I have a couple more points to make. So this is a long episode. I'm sorry. But things to consider is how does your family handle money? And how do we as a family resolve conflict? How do we talk about people?

What happens when we're angry? Do we pray? Do we apologize? Do we keep our word? How do we treat our bodies? How do we s we respond to hardship? And how do we choose relationships? Those are things to think about while you're parenting as a leader. You don't have to pass everything you inherited to your children. Some things can stop with you.

And some things can start with you. Maybe you didn't grow up hearing apologies. You can start with that. Maybe nobody talked to you about money. A lot of us in in in this era as parents and grandparents can agree with that one. You can start with that. Maybe conflict meant yelling or silence. Both sides of the coin, you know, you can change that.

And maybe faith wasn't practice. Or you all just went to church and everybody went back to their bad habits the rest of the week. You can change that. So that's how legacy begins. Not with one dramatic declaration, but with the different habits repeated over time. Num let's move on to number five. This is the crux. Your children don't need a perfect mother. You don't have to be perfect for them.

And everything is not gonna be right. But remember, you're not screwing up your kids. You're living, you're you're taking care of the gift, the gifts that God gave you. Psalm 127.3 says, Children are a gift from the Lord, they are a reward from Him. So you can relax, Mama, because you are you are tasked with the enormous responsibility.

Of raising children on your own. That was a frightening concept for me in the beginning. But that's not the message I'm trying to portray. You as a mother benefits when you seek God, when you change course when it's necessary, when you apologize, when you keep learning, when you allow God to work in your life right in front of your children.

And this is part of your legacy. Your ministry begins at home. people talk about purpose, and I I always believed that while I was raising my children, that was my purpose. It could have been the wrong thinking, but that's how I thought. So ministry begins at home, and it starts with comp co parenting with God, allowing God to parent you to

Lead your children in a way that eliminate or reduce the effect of legacy you were given and showing them how to and and showing them how that new legacy starts. So I'm closing this with a question.

And not just to ask yourself, but to ask God, Lord, what is one thing you want to change in me that would help me become the parent my children need? And the final scripture I want to leave with you is Isaiah forty one ten. So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. And I would invite you to, if you if this interests you, if this topic interests you, co-parenting with God, if it intrigues you, I want to follow up by asking you to follow me on Instagram at Solomon's Talk and on YouTube at Solomon's Talk Podcast. And

Reach out if you want to. I would love to hear what you think of this episode, of this thought process. And let me know if you've tried any of these. How did your mind feel? Because that's the first thing. How did it affect your mind, the way you think, the way you think about parenting, and the way you see your children? Remember, some things can stop with you, and some things can start with you.

Thank you for listening. I appreciate you.