This week I got to hang out with communication expert, Dr. Amelia Reigstad, and I’m walking away with so many thoughts and ideas on how I can improve my communication and self-awareness. With her badass purple mohawk, she shares about the importance of living an authentic and brave life and I’m here – for – it! She discusses her research on gender roles in communication and how we can better express ourselves. We also talk about how communication shows up in parenting. Though it’s not always easy, it’s important for us to speak with clarity and stand up for ourselves and stand in our truth – and that’s what you’ll hear more about in today’s episode.

About the Guest: 

Dr. Amelia Reigstad, Ph.D. is a passionate change agent, speaker, communication consultant and coach with over two decades of industry experience. She is a firm believer in authenticity and her favorite quote is "Be fearlessly authentic. Bravely be you." With her platinum blonde hair and purple mohawk, she's doing just that. She has spoken on a global scale at many professional events and conferences and has taught a variety of communications courses across the U.S., Canada, Europe and the U.K. With a passion for helping others, she consults and educates business professionals on the importance of understanding gender differences and communication styles and how this leads to more effective communication and productivity in the workplace. As the founder of The Women Empowerment Series, she inspires and encourages women to use their voice to initiate change.

Connect with Amelia and learn more:

https://ameliareigstad.com/

www.linkedin.com/in/ameliareigstad

About the Host: 

Friends! Here's a somewhat stuffy bio of me:  

I am an author, professional speaker, coach, host, and entrepreneur. My first book, Leading Imperfectly: The value of being authentic for leaders, professionals, and human beings, is available wherever people buy books. I speak internationally to willing and unwilling attendees about authenticity, vulnerability, and leadership. My clients include American Express, General Electric (GE), Accenture, Yale University, The Ohio State University, and many others. As a speaker, I am doing the two things I loves the most: making people think and making people laugh! 

I host my own events multiple times a year. They are 2-day events called Living Imperfectly Live (and sometimes they are 1-day virtual events). They are a space where humans from every walk of life can come together to be part of a community on the pursuit of badassery. The goal is to help attendees start living the life we say we want to live.

Alas, you're here because of an idea I had a number of years ago and didn't think I was good enough to pull it off. I finally acted on it and alas Diner Talks with James was born! As you can see from what I do in my professional life, Diner Talks is alligned with everything I believe in and teach.  If this wasn't dry enough, and you would like to know more info about my speaking, events, or coaching feel free to check out my website: JamesTRobo.com.

Let’s Be Friends on Social Media!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamestrobo

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamestrobo

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jamesrobilotta/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/JamesRobilottaCSP

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/JamesTRobo

Thanks for listening!

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James Robilotta: 00:00:01

Welcome to diner jocks with James. slide into the booth and let's have conversations we never want to end with friends. We never want to leave over food we probably shouldn't be eating

James Robilotta: 00:00:22

my friends what is going on? How are you? Welcome to another episode of diner talks with James. I'm James and I'm pumped to be here with you all kicking it. Friends. Thank you so much slide into the booth. Would you like a chocolate milkshake? You want whipped cream? You want sprinkles? Don't you all you're only getting rainbow sprinkles, because those are the coolest ones out there. But either way friends, I am excited to kick it in the diner with you all. I'm really pumped for my guest as well. I'm not gonna lie. We she and I met at a she and I met at a seminar that happened about a month ago, six weeks ago or something like that. And she asked a question and shared about 18 words. And I was like, she seems cool. And I asked her to be on my podcast. So I'm really excited to get to know Dr. Amelia Reigstad more. She is a passionate change agent, speaker, Communication Consultant and coach with over two decades of industry experience. She is a firm believer in authenticity and her favorite quote is be fearlessly authentic. Bravely Be You with her platinum blonde hair and her purple Mohawk. Let me tell you, this hair is fierce, you got to see a picture of this woman. She is doing just that she's spoken on a global scale. She's done amazing things with passion for helping others she consulted educates business professionals on the importance of understanding gender differences and communication styles and how this leads more effective communication and productivity in the workplace. And as the founder of the women empowerment series, she inspires and encourages women to use their voice and initiate change y'all. If you didn't know she was a badass now, you know, she was a badass. And all we need to do for the rest of the podcast is prove that to you over and over again. It'll be easy. Here we go. Dr. Amelia, what's up my friend.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:02:16

I love that introduction. You have me laughing already. So thank you for having me today.

James Robilotta: 00:02:22

Thank you for being had. I'm excited that you are here. Frank, thank you so much for kicking it with me now. You are in. You're in the Twin Cities area with me as well. Yes. And I would assume it was a little awkward when some man ran up to you and said, Hey, I like your face and your energy. Would you care to be on my podcast? But thank you for leaning in and being like, it's fine.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:02:52

Yeah, it was great. Yeah. And literally, I think I did say about 17 or 18 words at that conference. And it was just a question or a comment that I had made. And yeah, you ran up to me right after literally, I believe because I was exiting.

James Robilotta: 00:03:04

Yeah, literally. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:03:08

Yeah, I mean, super fun to be here and to chat with you today.

James Robilotta: 00:03:11

Indeed. Indeed. I also appreciate the purple Mohawk is someone with purple as his brand color. It's just you know, it's just good people wearing good colors is my favorite color. Yeah. How long have you been rocking the Mohawk for has just been a statement piece for a number of years.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:03:26

It is not there is a little bit of a backstory if you'd like me to share that. Yeah, definitely. And it actually ties into authenticity is kind of my motto. So yes, as you'd said be fearlessly authentic bravely. Bu. So 10 years ago, actually, last week to the to the week, I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma. And so I was in the process of moving from Canada to the United States. And it was just one of those things where a family member was like, oh, you should go and just get that checked out. And, and I did and nobody thought it was anything. Well, long story short, it obviously was something right. So it involved a more extensive surgery. I was very fortunate that it was caught early but I had to have a skin graft for my neck and surgery two inches in diameter and deep to remove what they needed to remove. So long story short, I had dark brown hair and I always wore it forward so that it would cover the scar and initially with COVID I mean if COVID Tawny anything it was that life is too short. And if I'm going to be speaking about authenticity that I need to be authentic myself. And so once everything reopened June of 2020 I went to my hair site or my hairstylist and said Okay, I'm ready Ashley, make me blonde, give me a mohawk and what the hell throw in some purple because I'm gonna rock this scar. So I mean I do i mean i It's hard to see but I do have a fairly significant scar on my forehead, and I just don't give a shit anymore. It just says, This is me and I love the purple and I get the purple done every eight weeks. And I rocket

James Robilotta: 00:05:07

that is incredible. What a story. So so they basically had to take a melon baller to your head. And this craziness out that's insane to two inches deep. That's nuts.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:05:22

Yeah. And it was too it was one of those things where, you know, coming out of surgery, it looked like I got, you know, sounds a little bit grotesque, but you know, slit in the neck, and then, you know, hit on the head with a hammer. But it's part of my story, it's part of the journey that I needed to go through. And I probably wouldn't be here today or focusing or doing the things or having the ability to do the things from an authenticity perspective. If I hadn't gone through that.

James Robilotta: 00:05:46

Yeah, and you should see the other guy right well, that is incredible. And I want to come back to we will certainly come back to the work that you are doing in authenticity because that is that is a fountain that I drink from as well. And so I'm excited I'm excited to connect with you but to get to know you even more because I want to hear the backstory because the fact that you arrived at authenticity fairly recently as as being your, your power pose, so to speak, I'd be curious to know more of how we how we got there. What were you What were you like when you felt like you were living in authentically so let's let's take it all the way back. Okay, first off this shows called diner talks with James and so I like to know what people eat late at night as a guilty pleasure. Now whether you know if it's at a diner you know, we're in we're in Minnesota, so if we're going to Denny's or Perkins or if you just or maybe you know you are born and raised in British Columbia maybe there's maybe you're gonna bring up something from there that you just love and miss you know what? What's your late night guilty pleasure for him?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:06:52

Um, I have children and a dog and a husband so I don't stay up late. However, if I was to I am a sucker for Sour Patch Kids salt and vinegar chips

James Robilotta: 00:07:08

together. Maybe Maybe sure what kind of night Are we have in here?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:07:15

For like, buttery, salty popcorn, so I'm not one for baked goods. You know, we had cheesecake last night and I took one bite and I'm like this you know, not my not my thing. But like salty buttery goodness. And being that I'm from Canada I also love ketchup chips.

James Robilotta: 00:07:35

Ketchup chips are pretty delicious as someone who loves ketchup I have yet my half and yeah, so I have had ketchup chips and and as a ketchup lover enjoy them. Yeah, but I don't understand why they haven't crossed the border. I don't feel like it's not that absurd. Like there are way more absurd chip combinations that are coming out down here. Understand what happened is just like we need something just let us have something

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:08:02

right. I mean, I drove when all dressed chips came to us because that was relatively new to I drove an hour to a Walmart down 35 E because they were in stock their chips haven't made it yet.

James Robilotta: 00:08:22

But we will drive another hour when they do. I'm down to road trip with you if that happens

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:08:28

on Amazon for like $25 a package. It's our pleasure. And I don't know it that often. But when I really need a taste of home ketchup chips.

James Robilotta: 00:08:40

That's awesome. Now Sour Patch Kids. Great classic snack. Do you have a color that is your favorite? Red and Blue? Red and Blue? Yeah, reds are my favorite. Reds are my favorite.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:08:53

And red and blue make purple. So huh? There it is. And at

James Robilotta: 00:08:57

night is when you make purple late at night. What are we talking about right now? So alright, our brand new color. Yeah, yeah, no that too. So that's amazing. I love that. I love that. Yeah, I'm, I appreciate that. I also I love I love me some buttery popcorn for sure. I mean, I can't get down with the salt and vinegar, but that's okay. Because I'll just eat other things. That's so fun. And I hear you on like maturity and age and all that kind of stuff being like, well, we can't go out late at night but I'm glad you still got a few things you sneak out of the cupboard.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:09:33

Yeah, I mean, you have to try to stay young I suppose.

James Robilotta: 00:09:39

Speaking of being young, you grew up in Vancouver, Vancouver proper a town and

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:09:46

I have to make sure that I say this because my dad will listen to this podcast after he gives me shit all the time. He's like, you're right. You don't live in Vancouver. You're not from Vancouver. Stop saying that you're from Vancouver. I'm not from Vancouver. I am from Abbotsford British Columbia which is about an hour from Vancouver but if I say Abbotsford, you know nobody knows what the hell that is so, but it is an hour outside of Vancouver and yes, that is where I was raised for 30 years before I moved to the US.

James Robilotta: 00:10:15

That is amazing. Now our outside more towards the coast and kind of like by Vancouver Island or more

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:10:21

inland or inland is actually borders the US border. Okay, so it's Abbotsford and it's a five minute drive to the Snowmass Washington border. So about two hours from Seattle.

James Robilotta: 00:10:32

Yeah, incredible. That is awesome. Yeah, and you're right. I would not know where Abbotsford is and I don't blame me for at this point in your life. Just craving a little efficiency. Vancouver and let's keep it moving.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:10:45

For the sake of my dad dad Abbotsford.

James Robilotta: 00:10:47

Yeah, thanks for listening, dad. Appreciate it. So the the thing that I love about the Pacific Northwest is the beauty of it. It is just a stunning place all of the Pines all of the moss everywhere and it's just it's a fairy tale, right? My my wife and I just booked a we're going for a week. And we're gonna go to the Oregon coast for a week we got an Airbnb on the ocean that we're gonna go to Seattle for four or five days. She's never been to Seattle before. And and so I'm just I'm so excited. Anytime I'm out in the Pacific Northwest it just it just I feel peace. I don't know what it is about those trees. I don't know what it is about that. The nature. But I just I really just absolutely love being in there.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:11:32

Yeah, it's it's I don't think or I know that. I didn't appreciate it as much as I do now, given that I don't live there anymore. Yeah.

James Robilotta: 00:11:42

Yeah. And I know you're not from Vancouver. But can we talk about Vancouver? It's a badass city. It's beautiful. It is great. Yeah, it's awesome to have the parks, they're incredible that the aquarium was one of the best I've ever been to. And yeah, it's just it is just a stunning place. And I love what I don't think it's I don't know if this is a Vancouver specific thing or British Columbia thing. But I also really respect the way that they are dealing with this is gonna be a weird left really quick. So just brace for that the way that they're dealing with drug addicts. And, and the way that they're they're handling that it's not just immediately locked them up. As a matter of fact, there's, there's some needle programs where you can go and like, get clean needles, so do it safely. But at the same time, wherever you get the needles is also, hey, when you're ready. On the second floor, we have a place where we can help you. And it's really it's such a compassionate approach versus what happened here with a quote unquote, war on drugs. AKA racism disguised. And so it is. I don't know. It's just it's a really compassionate approach to addiction. And yeah, I don't know. I just I just love that part.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:12:57

I'm just curious. Where did you hear about it? In Vancouver? Okay. When

James Robilotta: 00:13:00

Yeah, yeah. When I was there because we passed a place. And I was like, Oh, is that a medical? I was like, Is that is that a marijuana spot? Is that Yeah, I was like, No, this is what it is. And they told me all about it. And yeah, so yeah, I was there for an improv festival. on whatever that I forget what the little cute Island is an Granville Island. Yes.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:13:20

You say that? The improv happened?

James Robilotta: 00:13:24

Yep, we were at Granville Island. And we got a we got to Yeah. And then the people took us and put us up in their homes. And oh, cool. It was awesome. So just getting to truly learn about the city.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:13:33

What time of year. Were you there?

James Robilotta: 00:13:35

It was the fall, I believe. Yeah. So yeah, it was pretty.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:13:42

It's beautiful. I mean, Vancouver. It's it's so stunning when you can be right on the water and then just look up and they're the mountains. Yeah. And again, I didn't appreciate it as much as I do now. Because again, Minnesota is relatively flat.

James Robilotta: 00:13:58

Very true. Yeah, that's real. That's real. Well, that's awesome. Thanks for let me go off about my love of Vancouver. Grew up there but close enough claim it you're fine with your fine in my book. So what was childhood like for you? You know, you talked about your dad, your dad's gonna listen to this podcast, which probably means that you have a decent relationship with him still.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:14:23

Both my parents are here right now visiting so yeah, great relationship with them both.

James Robilotta: 00:14:27

That's amazing. They're gonna listen to podcasts and they're listening on the other side of the door make sure yeah. So but yeah, but tell me tell me a little bit. What was childhood like? You have any siblings? What was what was your Amelia like?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:14:42

That's a great question. It's interesting. I am writing a book right now called the perfect daughter is all about how women, you know, feel pressure to be perfect in all these different areas of their life. And it starts out with this perfect daughter, chapter and so I do have a brother. He's two years younger than I am. And, you know, I was always really good at school. I was involved in dance. I was involved in athletics. I won Miss Abbotsford in 1998. Yeah, you did not make crown and my sash. Um, so yeah. So, so young Amelia was just really involved with a lot of things. You know, like to talk, leadership was important. Did a lot of different things were always involved. And it's no surprise that I ended up in communications, you know, early on in my career. But yeah, I mean, love to be outside and play as a kid. And I'm so grateful that we didn't have cell phones or technology. I really am. Well, you know, we've I've got a teenage stepdaughter, and a seven year old now. And it's just my goodness, the technology is, you know, such a pain in the ass. So, being a kid, I mean, it was really nice to just go outside and play and, and that's just what

James Robilotta: 00:16:09

you did. That's what you did. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, for sure.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:16:12

So I have great memories of, you know, growing up in Abbotsford in the summertime, and playing with the neighborhood kids and, you know, doing all kinds of stuff.

James Robilotta: 00:16:21

Yeah, that's awesome. Now, so so it's just you and your brother. He's younger, I'm, I'm a baby. I'm a baby brother myself. So you're welcome. We're great.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:16:33

National Sibling day yesterday,

James Robilotta: 00:16:35

was it I definitely forgot to post anyway. So I'm wondering, and there may there may not be any correlation here. And that's totally fine. If I'm if I'm just jumping to conclusion. But what was, you know, in writing a book called The perfect daughter? Was that a pressure that you put on yourself? Was that a pressure that obviously society puts on women? But you know, tell me tell me a little bit about that. Draw that correlation, since we're talking about your childhood? And, and why don't you have to give away the whole book, obviously,

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:17:08

yeah, no, absolutely. No, it it's a little bit of both. So I had always had a personal goal to write a book, and I didn't know what it was going to be about. But I always knew that it was going to be titled The perfect daughter. Wow. And it's not so much. I mean, I do talk about it within this first chapter. It's, it's, you know, a bit of a therapy session for myself, as well. And I never felt pressure from my parents, you know, to be this perfect daughter. So a lot of it comes from self pressure. Because I was someone who, and I still am, you know, someone who exceeds that certain things, or a lot of things rather, school came quite easy to me. So there was all these things that, you know, I probably put pressure on myself growing up. But then there's also, it's a really complex topic, but this societal patriarchal bullshit that's put on women as well. You know, we delve into quite a bit too. But it's a work in progress. And I will put you on my list to be the first one to receive a copy of my book whenever I get it finished.

James Robilotta: 00:18:16

Well, thank you. Thank you. I mean, I hopefully I'll be at the book launch party to go get signed. Well, that's a that's incredible. What a cool project, what an undertaking it is. I mean, with someone with a PhD, you know a lot about putting in those long hours and getting it done. It doesn't mean it's fun. But

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:18:37

in recovery, it's been two years. And I'm still

James Robilotta: 00:18:41

I bet a bit. So when you were younger, you said you did dance you did you know, some fun stuff like that, you know, when did you as as you were as you were growing up? Do you remember this, this pressure that you put on yourself? And I mean, it's also there might be some firstborn stuff in there as well. You often hear like firstborns are are, are typically rule followers. I'll let you know my son does in a few years right now is pissing everybody off. But still. So as you got into high school and those kinds of places, probably wasn't called High School, but either way, what was what were some moments that you remember from your childhood that are that are potentially going to be informing this book or inform the way you talk today?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:19:31

Yeah, yeah. It's interesting. And I don't know if there was anything specific that happened in my childhood about this whole idea of perfectionism. But I do have this feeling where you, friends, colleagues, family members back home, aren't surprised at what I'm doing because in full time transparency. And this is me being authentic as well, like I have been successful, I've been quite successful in various areas of my life. So the thought process to that goes into this book that I'm writing is, you know, if somebody from back home saw that I was working on my PhD, I get this internal feeling of kind of what they're thinking of like, Oh, of course, Amelia is doing her doctorate. Because Amelia has done all these other things. Of course, she's doing a doctorate. That's not surprising. Right. So it's kind of this. Can I say fucked up on? Well, I just did. Okay. It's just like this weird. I don't know, process that I think I'm working through as well. If that makes any sense at all?

James Robilotta: 00:20:44

Yeah, sure. Yeah. It's fascinating when we, when we write a book, The therapy that goes into it, the self therapy? Yeah. What did I think about that was? Yeah,

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:20:55

it's true. I mean, and granted, I mean, I've got so it's a really neat, the way that the book is shaping is each chapter is kind of a personal essay. So it's like the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect lover, the perfect sister. And then all of these, not only my stories, but you know, stories that I've kind of intertwined from, you know, other people in my life. So it's neat is taking it neat. The flow is really neat. And what's coming out of it is really like that therapy session.

James Robilotta: 00:21:25

That's awesome. That's yeah, that's cool.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:21:29

It's really neat, because every time somebody like if I'm talking to, especially women, and I'm talking about it, they're like, Oh, I can't wait to read it. And that's what I'm excited about, too, is that, my hope is that it's really going to resonate, and it's, and I am like raw, truthful. Like there's some stuff in this where I'm like, Yeah, Dad, you're not going to be reading chapter six, because that's the perfect lover chapter. Like, so. But it's like a fun, raw, truthful experience that I'm hopeful that, you know, women can just kind of pick and choose and, you know, the stories that they read and how it's gonna be relevant to them. And then how we break through the patriarchal bullshit. All right,

James Robilotta: 00:22:07

in that part, yeah. That's, that's incredible. I'm also eager to read it. And I think I think I've told you this. My, my wife is also a women's empowerment speaker, for women about why women need women, for how women confidence should be a team sport. And so I think your wife and I need to chat. Yeah, I think so too. She doesn't have a podcast. You just kind of to have good old fashioned coffee with her. But yeah, really? Yeah. Y'all be besties for the rest days? Yeah. No, it's similar, similar vibe, for sure. So when you were younger, when you were younger? What did you want to be when you grew up? Like, yeah, what are you dreaming

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:22:45

about? So excuse me, I always wanted to be a high school English teacher. Awesome. Didn't go that route I. So first first couple years of university, I was I did quite well, in school on, you know, the English literature, side, social studies history, but I was never good at math and science. And so what I found within my first couple years of university, I just was not excelling, like doing quite poorly, where I'm like, I kind of really need to switch gears. And I don't know if I would have actually gotten through some of those courses that I would need to get my undergraduate because you have to have all those general courses. And so I made the choice at that time to just, you know, I took a semester off, and just worked full time. And then I found this really fabulous public relations diploma program. And that set kind of my life on this whole other path. And I never looked back.

James Robilotta: 00:23:47

That's amazing. Yeah. So do you still have a passion for reading and literature? Is it still is it still a fun side thing that you do? You just didn't make a life out of it?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:23:56

Right? I mean, so I do. So I not even not so much literature, but I love to read, you know, I read before I go to bed. I've always loved books. My son Maverick loves books. So I hopefully that's something that I had passed on to him. But again, like I said, I'm still recovering from my doctorate. And if I never read another research article, I'll be perfectly fine. It

James Robilotta: 00:24:16

will be good. You will be. Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. That's actually why I didn't go into I majored in marine biology. I have a Bachelor of Science in marine biology, but I wanted to research for the rest of my life. I just I didn't want I was actually I shouldn't say that. I'm happy with doing the research. I didn't want to write about it for the rest of my life. Right? Because it's like, Hey, do a bunch of do like, five hours, 10 hours of really cool research and then spend, you know, three years writing about it.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:24:47

Yeah, and I feel the same way too. I mean, I have you know, I didn't completed my doctorate. Obviously, I had to write the 250 page 100,000 word, dissertation. then, and then navigate through that, because that was one of the most hardest things I've ever done. Because I don't necessarily have that academic brain. And I never wanted to be a researcher or publish either. You know, and that's where I've been, you know, fortunate with kind of building my business to and I know, we'll get to that at a later point. But, you know, I'm taking the research that I did turn that into a business, and now I'm actually bringing that information to the public. Yeah, compared to writing about it, and hoping that another academic reads it. Well, what's the point of that?

James Robilotta: 00:25:38

Yeah, yeah, that's real. So, you know, it's interesting, because you tell me you were talking earlier about how people wouldn't be surprised to know that you got a doctorate people wouldn't be surprised and are like, you've always had a drive. Maybe, I don't know, if you got the, I don't know if you're, if your schooling did this, but we always at the end of high school, they always give out superlatives. And that was the most likely to succeed person. Right? That sounds like that's something that you would have been nominated for. And so that, where did that drive come from? Was that was that work ethic? Something that was instilled from your parents? It was? Yeah,

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:26:14

I would say both. So a lot of times, folks will say to me, Oh, you're just like your mom. Like from that driven perspective. And it's really interesting, my parents, because my dad is the most laid back person. And my mom is more of that driven. So it's a wonderful combination of the two. And I did have a strong workout that I had my first job at 13 Working in a pizza place. Right, and I haven't stopped working. So I'm 42. And I've been working since I was 13. Yeah. So that work ethic, you know, came at that young age. I don't recall if it was my parents saying, Oh, you need to go get a job. Yeah. I just remember, we ordered pizza for Mr. Nico's pizza. And it was a cool place. And I think I probably saw a sign in the window that they are hiring. And I think at that point, I was it wasn't even legal for me to work. I think they were paying me under the table. You know, cash in an envelope.

James Robilotta: 00:27:10

Fortunately, this isn't that kind of podcast, so that's fine. It's my Mr. Niko, you're good. You're safe here. But you're safe here. You know, when I'm from New York, you know, I'm saying so we'll get a guy and I'm gonna go do a couple things here. I mean. So that's, that's amazing. So you decide to go you find this PR program that gets you hype? Nam, and you're excited about it? What was it that got you excited? What do you want to doing with that degree?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:27:33

Sure. So it ended up being a two year public relations program. And I went and worked in corporate PR. For some time, I was, you know, doing marketing for Pantego pizza, which is the National pizza chain in Canada, and Shane. And it's so funny to like, at a young age, you're like, Okay, well, I did that to a year for a year. And I remember, you know, probably thinking I was all that at that point in time. And just assuming that they would give me a couple months off to go travel Australia? Well, obviously, no, they don't just give you a few months off and hold your job. So they said, no, sorry, we can't do that. I said, Okay, well, I quit. And I went travel to Australia. And then I came back, and I ended up working for Western Blackall. Doing communications for the mountain. And then at that point in time, I ended up, you know, doing that for a few years, and I moved back to the city. And I always kept in touch with the dean, this PR program that I graduated from. And there was still and it's kind of how everything comes full circle, this lingering idea of being a teacher. Yeah. And so she had reached out and she said, hey, you know, I've got this event management class that I need somebody to teach, would you be interested? And I was like, Sure. Great, because at that point, adjunct fine. I was still, at that point of time, I was actually working for the university in their communications department. So I could do both. Yeah. And then that put me on a path where I spent the next 15 years as a university professor. Wow. So I did come full circle to this whole education theme. And certainly still, to this day, you have a passion and love for knowledge.

James Robilotta: 00:29:26

Yeah, that's incredible. And a passionate love for sharing that knowledge in a way that is sticky to others. Right, like, like our best teachers do. That's, that's amazing. So what I mean, you told us what you started out teaching. Is that what you're taught for 15 years, or I

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:29:41

did so I ended up teaching PR and strategic communication. Wow. So I did that. You know, there was a few different universities that I worked for in and around the Vancouver area. And then when I moved to the Twin Cities, I spent five years teaching at the University of Wisconsin River falls short in their marketing communications program. And then most recently, I was at the you. I'm in the Harvard School of Journalism and Mass Media. And I was there for a few years before my midlife crisis took over and I changed career paths,

James Robilotta: 00:30:09

change your hair and change your grip, right? That's awesome. That's incredible. The the, the teacher side of you is very evident in the way that you talk the way you write the way that you care. And it's, it's beautiful. And I'm wondering, I'm wondering, you know, as someone who teaches communication, as somebody who teaches communication, I'm wondering, how good are you at applying what you know, to your life? For example, I know plenty of parents that are psychologists that aren't necessarily doing the greatest job of parenting. I know plenty of teachers, that like elementary school teachers that have exhausted all their patients on their students and their own children don't sometimes I get that, and I don't I'm not faulting these people. I'm not, I'm not judging them, you do what you got to do, right? But there's a lot of times where it's like, I know this, I know this at a very deep level, I should be really good at it. Why am I getting in my own way? And wondering for you, as as a communications expert, is what I'll call you is, how have you found your degree to be helpful in your life? And where have been some places where you've been like, this is still hard, even though I'm an expert?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:31:23

Absolutely. And it's so funny that you even asked that question, because my mom totally called me out, like this weekend and said, You need to learn how to communicate to your kids better. It's certainly an interesting, dynamic, I am much more cognizant of, kind of what comes out of my mouth, I'm much more cognizant of actively listening. So trying to have, you know, a really engaging conversation where, you know, I'm listening to understand and not to respond, which is so key when we're in conversations, it reminds

James Robilotta: 00:32:02

me of a story I have actually, no, no, I'm just kidding.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:32:09

Like, what you just did there. You know, building an understanding of one's communication style is something that I really focus on in my work. So understanding how I communicate, and then how the people around me communicate. And I just, you know, I just pay attention to that, and, you know, have learned different things over the years. But to answer your question about like, falling short, it is one of those things and you had mentioned that you have a son too, so I'm sure you can appreciate. Communicating with your children is really different. You know, so it's not like, you know, you and I are having this conversation, and even, you know, even if it's it gets heated or what have you like, we can navigate through that, and kind of come out the other side with children and gratitude. So I've got, you know, a 15 year old stepdaughter, and then I have a seven year old, right? So there's eight years in between the two of them. And so that's very different parenting and that's very different. Communication also, right? So my stepdaughters talking back and Mavericks, not listening. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I can only apply my area of expertise so much before I just want to run away. Yep. Yeah.

James Robilotta: 00:33:36

I got a doctorate in communications, not mindfulness. So you're gonna catch this heat sometimes? Yeah, that's awesome. That's incredible. It's a, as someone who I have been, I've, I'm in my second marriage. And and as someone who talks about authenticity and vulnerability, it's ironic because I wrote a book around authenticity and vulnerability while I wasn't being that with my first partner, and I guess I guess I thought it's interesting is you think you're being it? But then you realize, oh, wait, I really wasn't and then you get into another relationship. You're like, oh, shit, these are layers deeper here. And and, and so it's fascinating to think about, you know, the work that we do, and then applying it to our marriages and like you said, parenting and whatnot. As someone who is a who, who loves the intricacies of communication has studied all of that in your romantic relationships. Is this something that your partner's call you out on? Something that you know, they get, like, I don't, we don't need to mediate the conversation, honey, right, like, you know, what, how does it come up in some of those everyday situations where you can't be like, well, you know, technically the research says that you're acting right now is

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:34:59

no It's interesting too. And this is like, you know, right that that vulnerability that we talked about, because as you were just speaking there, like, in my mind, I was thinking, okay, yeah, again, that's putting this pressure on ourselves, right? So pressure on you, because you're an expert and authenticity, and then you realize, oh, shit, I'm not being authentic. Right? And then same here, like, there is a bit of that pressure, because my husband will call me out too. And he just like, don't use that tone with me. And I'm like, what? Pissed off I am going to use that tone with you. Right? When tone of voice is something that I talked about. But on the flip side of it, too, though, it's like, we're still human beings. Right? Right. So I don't give a shit. If I have a doctorate in communications. I'm gonna make

James Robilotta: 00:35:45

you do something stupid.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:35:50

We're not perfect human beings. So yes, that's my area of expertise. But we all fall short. And we have to have the freedom to make mistakes on our own also, so yeah, do I always follow my own advice? Of course not. Right. Like I don't, there's times when I do get into arguments where, yeah, I know better from a communication perspective. But shit, we all make mistakes. We all do dumb things. And that's just part of living.

James Robilotta: 00:36:18

Yeah. Right. It's been five hours since I ate last, or I only got two hours asleep or life is happening or whatever, right? Like, yeah, yeah, I, I appreciate that. Grace. I appreciate that grace as, as someone who is been diagnosed, diagnosed with mild perfectionism. I was like, well, that's not good enough. I need to be better at that. But, you know, it's, it is something that I try not to beat myself up over. But I do write like, and that's also because, as a human, I'm somebody who takes things on as opposed to like, the rubber the rubber versus glue analogy, I'm frequently the glue. And and that's just kind of who I am as an Accommodator as, all those kinds of things. But yeah, so but yeah, it's fascinating to think about some of those moments, there's moments where my wife is even like, I don't I don't need coaching tone right now. I don't I know you're a coach. I don't need coaching, right? Just straight, straight empathy here is good enough for me, right. And I appreciate those moments where she can be clear with what she needs. Because there's moments where I know to ask, but forget to ask and just jump into, as you talked about those instincts. We still have instincts, we still got all this stuff that's firing behind. Humanity

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:37:34

slap. Yeah, yeah. Which is good. Humanity should slap us around.

James Robilotta: 00:37:40

Yeah, for sure. So I'm wondering for you in all of your studies around communication, and your and your, your doctorate and whatnot. And I'd be curious to hear what your doctorate is about what you want to what your dissertation was on. But, but in all your studies of it, has there been anything? That has been a source of gonna be a vague question, but just to see where it goes, but has there been anything? It's been a lightbulb moment for you of like, oh, shoot, that makes so much sense about why people act this way or that way? Or why people communicate this way or that way? Or what do you remember in your learning that you had any moments like that, that just kind of like, oh, shoot, that puzzle piece fits there? There.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:38:20

So there are a lot of so I'll answer kind of your other question about the dissertation too, because it ties together. So it was on gender differences in communication styles and how it influences the workplace. So essentially, how men and women communicate differently. And I was looking specifically at the PR industry. What was a lightbulb moment for me was really delving into some of the other work that had been done. So Deborah Tannen is a linguistics scholar at Georgetown University. And she had spent much of her career looking at how men and women communicate in the workplace. And when we talk about linguistic styles, you know, this made sense to me. So our linguistic style is, you know, you learned at a young age, like, three, four or five years of age, playing on the playground with our peers, right? Girls tend to have a singular best friend, they'll speak really close to one another, there'll be with a small group, they're trying to build this rapport. Boys tend to play quite differently, larger groups very much trying to one up each other, and they're focused on building rapport, but doing it so in a hierarchical social order. Not to say that boys and girls are all comfortable in these play groups. But you know, the the research and data will tell us that for the most part, this is where we, at that young age, we learn our conversation style, and then that translate is as we get older, and can be carried over into the workplace. So it's really interesting to see kind of how that has transferred over and when I talk to people about that or or introduce them to the idea of a law realistic style. And this kind of goes back to what we were talking about is, you know, not having the research that's being done just sitting with the academics, because what's the point of that? Yeah, you know, I try to communicate that out to professionals and say, Hey, like, what have you looked at your linguistic style? You know, give thought to that as a different perspective? How may that shape some of your conversations? Or how does that shape your communication style in the workplace? And that, for me, is one of those lightbulb moments that I was like, yeah, that linguistics out? That makes complete sense to me. And it seems to do that with the people that I interact with as well, when I start talking about it. Yeah.

James Robilotta: 00:40:41

Fascinating. You got me thinking? Yeah, you got me thinking all the way back to childhood? We're now playing basketball on the court or playing whatever? Or just yeah, all that kind of stuff. And it is. I'm trying to like, go back and picture elementary school playground of the who was with who what was happening, right. Just even just like we talked about the some of the early learned things.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:41:01

Yeah. Yeah. And in a lot of it, too, is just based on that social influence at a young age. Yeah. But again, not to say I mean, it can also be considered a generalization. So it's not, you know, it's, it's how it's interpreted as well.

James Robilotta: 00:41:13

Right. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. The the difference between communication between men and women is fascinating, right? I mean, comedians have joked about it for years, people have written about a TV shows that become famous around it. Right? And is, is it something that is? Is it something that can be improved? Or is it something that it's like improving, it means just being more aware? Or being able to catch our patterns? Sure.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:41:46

It's, it's a bit of both, okay. So I always, you know, encourage, you know, clients and folks that I'm interacting with their coaching, kind of look at three different parts. So we have those linguistic styles that are learned at a young age, right. So another example of a linguistic style, I use my hands a lot. That's part of my linguistic style. Yeah. So we've got our linguistic styles, then we have our communication styles. And there's a ton of different assessments out there, there's one that I use called Straight Talk, that really helps us to understand how we communicate, then we also have our personality traits. And our personality traits are fixed characteristics. Right? It's really challenging to change someone's personality trait. Okay, so if you think about it, from a workplace perspective, if we have a narcissistic boss that we're interacting with, like, I mean, good luck, you're not going to be able to change that person's behavior, right? If that's that trait that they're exhibiting. However, if we can build an understanding of not only our communication style, but the communication styles of others, we can start to modify and adapt how we communicate so that we can navigate through some of those more challenging conversations.

James Robilotta: 00:43:04

Yeah, I love that. I love it. Because it gives it gives some give some hope. And it's still, the power of self awareness is real. And one thing I can't stand that one can't one thing I can't stand is like, you know, a narcissistic boss, or just someone who has wild opinions or whatever, you know, they're always these individuals that are like, well, that's just the way I am. Right. And it's like, that's, that's not authenticity. No. Right. Arrogance. Absolutely. And, and so yeah, so those moments of, you know, can we get that narcissistic boss to admit that they are someone who often puts themselves at the front? Yeah, probably not was not diagnosed. But But still, there's

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:43:50

something to be said to it's and that's why I like what you're saying about the self awareness, because not everybody has self awareness. Yeah. Right. And that's an that's a really important significant fact. And when I'm chatting with folks, too, it's about you got to put the time in, right? If you want to become a more impactful leader, or a more effective communicator, like you got to dig down deep to some of these things. And put the time in if you want to improve, right, we can't just take an assessment to be like, okay, good. I'm this I'm that and then move on. Like, it doesn't work like that.

James Robilotta: 00:44:27

Well, Boxer you in gym. Right?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:44:30

And then there's also too, you know, some people just aren't kind nice people. Right? And that's where some of those challenges do come to fruition. You know, from a communication perspective, if there's somebody that you were butting heads with in the office, and it's really important for you, and for you, just your self awareness for your well being. You know, we have to kind of own that and Take that on because the likelihood of that other person changing, if they're not recognizing what's going on, it's likely not going to happen. And it is going to be, you know, put back on us if we want to navigate through and have a peaceful day at work. You know, we need to change our style and try to navigate through that and put the time into figuring out how we can better communicate with an individual. Yeah, that makes sense.

James Robilotta: 00:45:21

It does. Yeah, because, yeah, we assume our brains are phenomenal pattern generating machines, right? And so and those patterns are coming to play and all of our relationships with people we'd like and don't like, right, we see that person walking across the the office towards us, and we love them. We're like, oh, shoot, this is Mary, we're gonna talk about this, it's gonna be great. We're gonna laugh, we'll crack some jokes. We'll go on with our day. And that's awesome. But then it's also here comes Frank, and Frank's gonna complain, and Frank is gonna do this. And eventually, we just keep putting the filter up where it's like this, I'm seeing them. This is what will happen. That filter isn't always fair, right? Though, though, we've, we've built up. We've built up the argument for it. But now we look for the things. And so it's, you know, it's I forget what that's called when you're, when you're like, when you're going through a breakup, and you're getting, you're preparing for a breakup. And you start to pull out all the things that are wrong with that individual out and you just start to look for only those things. There's a term for that. I can't really Yeah. But But either way, you know, it's interesting to hear you talk about this, because those patterns that we have with people are able to be broken. They are they absolutely are. But it's up to us to do the disruption. We can't wait for them to do it.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:46:31

Yeah. And going off of Yeah, absolutely. And going off of that, too, you know, and some of the other things that I chat about is, you know, shifting our perspective or changing our mindset to it, it's not easy to do, but to think a little bit more positive about things, right. Because if we think about mindset, if we think about well being, like who the hell wants to go into work every day? And think negatively about Joe down the cubicles, right? Like, what if we change our perspective and try to think more positively about you know, that meeting that you have coming up, you know, that it's, it's going to be challenging, and you've got, you know, things that you want to make sure that you say, but you know, what, if you try to plan out that communication a little bit, what have you jot down a few things that, you know, you need to make sure that you reiterate, and try to think more positively about that. Because knowing if that other person is not going to change, it does come back to us, like how do we personally want to show up? How do we personally want that conversation to make us feel? How are we going to navigate through that if Joe's not willing? Yeah. Yeah, vacations. I mean, there's so many intricate little details. Communicate?

James Robilotta: 00:47:52

Yeah. And but mindset is an interesting thing that we don't often think about, right? I mean, we but you hear sports, people talk about it all the time, sports psychologists, sports people, and athletes be like the mindset going into the game. It's also the mindset when you're going to have a hard conversation with your partner about the mindset when you have that conversation with your, with your boss, with the whoever, with somebody that annoys you, right? You, you, you get to choose your mindset it is and but we don't we forget that we have that control. Right.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:48:23

And even as you're talking there, like I'm thinking of like, my son has been really challenging the last few weeks, like just not listening, you know, trying to position his power or what have you. And as you were talking, I'm like, Yeah, you know, like, I've been trying to make more of an effort of, like, getting down to his level, like, literally like sitting down on the ground with him or sitting on his bed with him and having those conversations and instead of flipping out and getting angry and yelling and screaming, which you know, I certainly do as a parent. Sure. Yeah. You know, what if I tried to approach that conversation with my son, a little bit more positively, right? Like Maverick like, dude, what's going on? Like, what is it? How can money help you to listen? You know, when I need you to listen, right? Or how can I help you make going to bed easier? What can we do to help you? You know, just to again to for my sake, for both of our sake, right? So that I'm not going to get angry or I'm not stomping around the house really frustrated at my kids. And, you know, I'm like our kids learn from us, obviously. So like, I'm sure that would help Maverick also,

James Robilotta: 00:49:40

right? Your arms tired from throwing all the spaghetti on the wall. instead? Let's ask a question. And then take a shot. Our kids able to completely express what they need in that moment. Maybe not not, but we can get closer. And so yeah, and it's a powerful tool for them. also to be able to start to name what they are feeling, right? Yeah, that's a Yeah, that's powerful. You know, you said that you did your dissertation, thinking about the communication difference between between men male identifying female identifying folks. And so I'm wondering, one of the big things that is has come up a lot in the last maybe 10 years, I feel like this word has gained a lot of prominence is gaslighting. And the way that men frequently gaslight women, by if a woman is sharing an opinion is being assertive at work, which is a positive quality. Instead, we tell them they're bossy, right? and whatnot, or whenever, you know, this happens with partners where it's like, oh, my wife's being dramatic, or, you know, she takes everything too far. Or, or, you know, those kinds of moments where we tell women like, you're crazy, you're fine, everything's fine, right? That is a big problem. It's a problem and sexism, it's kind of it's very modern day sexism, gaslighting, because we can't just tell women X, Y, or Z anymore, because that's blatant sexism. So let's go that we've noticed that that's wrong. But now we've figured out these other ways that are almost worse, because they make people feel crazy. When you get guests that you're like, am I the problem? Like, what's the right and so I'm wondering, I'm wondering, as as a man who is a work in progress? And is is aware of what gaslighting is? Is this something that you have had conversations about? And is it something that I know it's something you are passionate about it, I would just be curious to hear you speak on it for a little bit and ways to catch ourselves and also, to those female listeners as well, ways to push back against it as well and stand in your truth?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:51:57

Well, I mean, pushing back and standing in your truth, to me is all about being authentic. Because, you know, as women we have to be, and it's not easy to do. So I say that I say this, you know, recognizing that it's not easy to do. But standing firm and being confident in what we say what we do, and being empowered to do that, you know, from a male perspective, you know, being an ally to women, right? If you see that behavior taking place, say something, right, like, don't continue joining the boys club and laughing about it or saying that woman's a bitch, just because you spoke reminded a meeting, right? I mean, my personality, communication style, does tend to be or can be more on the aggressive side, and I'm sure I mean, I even my students, I had students, they either love me or hated me. And that was just that was just that. Because I would tell it how it is. Right? And you know, no, I'm not giving you an extension, because, you know, you missed the bus or whatever the you know, lame ass excuse of the day was. But there's something to be said about women feeling like they can be authentic and having some of those tough conversations. And my hope is to I mean, it goes back to also those personality styles, those fixed characteristics, because not all men make those comments. Right, like, I'm married to a lovely man who, you know, isn't focused on that, like, you know, he those types of words wouldn't come out of his mouth, right? Yeah. And it's so not all men are like that. And not all women are like certain ways. So there's all of these components that play a role in that behavior. Are there sexist, misogynistic assholes out there? Yeah, of course they are, we're not gonna be able to change them. That behavior is not going to change. You know, and we can try as much as we can. You know, there's an education component to that. You know, my hope is that both women and men can call out that behavior. But I believe too, it's, it takes time. It will there ever be gender equality? I hope so. I don't know. I don't know if I have the confidence to say that. I'll see it in my lifetime. Sure. But it's certainly something to work towards. Yeah. That equality perspective.

James Robilotta: 00:54:48

Yeah, definitely. Definitely. And I think I think I think we are working towards it. And I think we do have a long way to go both are true. So So you so you get you get your doctorate, you fight the battle that is getting a doctorate. It's it's a marathon, not a sprint. And, and so, and then you talked about having this epiphany or this awakening moment. And now you're you're no longer teaching what you're no longer teaching it formally on at a university, but, but you're doing plenty of other teaching as a speaker as a as a consultant, as you know, the founder of the women's empowerment series, etc, etc. So, tell me a little bit of, of how we got there and what you're doing now.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 00:55:46

Yeah. So it was, it was something that I always said to my students, you know, as they are these up and coming PR communication professionals was, whatever you do, find your passion, in that. Live Your Passion, I have a tattoo on the top of my foot that says Live Your Passion and Hawaiian, hola ko Coney Coney. So I am a firm believer in living your passion. What I found, though, you know, after teaching for the past 15 years, I just wasn't as passionate about it, as I was before, so I felt like I had to take my own advice with that. And, you know, I still I do have that passion and love for knowledge, and education and educating people, but I've just shifted to instead of now, educating the up and coming professionals, you know, educating my peers and my colleagues and looking at it more from a training perspective. Because to it was COVID did so many things, you know, natively Of course, that also positively to I mean, having that experience of, you know, teaching from home. So when the world shut down in March 2020, it was in within three days where I was never going back to the U of M. decisions to move everything online happens so quickly. And so I believe that also, you know, helped me kind of come to fruition to make that big career leap as well, because everything too, I mean, I'm going from, you know, your annual teaching salary, which let's face it, you're not making millions as an academic, but to not having a salary. And right, so that was a big leap. But teaching in that online environment, I believe helped me make that decision quickly. Because I like being in front of people, I like being able to pace a room, I like being able to go up to students desk and be like, hey, like, let's take a look at this. And you just don't have the ability to do that when it's virtual. So that also helped make my decision. And I was really fortunate that there was so much interest in the topic of my dissertation. And so I utilize that to my advantage. I started speaking about my research, people were really interested in the gender differences component within, you know, how many men and women communicate similarly or differently in the workplace. And so I built a business around it. And so now I'm going into corporations and working with groups and individuals to communicate more effectively, you know, in the workplace, gender differences plays a role in that. But there's so much more that we talked about. And it's just been a really great transition. You know, and somebody who usually asked me like, Well, you did that doctrine, I'm like, Well, yeah, I spent seven years doing my doctorate. And then I was like, No, I don't want to teach anymore. What am I going to do with my life? Yeah, but, you know, I still have the doctorate, and there's still credibility that is, you know, backed into that. And, you know, and it's working to my advantage. And so I don't feel like I wasted that education. You know, that was just again, part of my journey to where I am now.

James Robilotta: 00:59:15

People love to put people in boxes, right? So it's like, you got your doctor, what university you have to spend the rest of your life at until you die. Right? Like, I mean, it's whatever you do with your degree and your education is up to you. And you're, you're most certainly using it in a really brilliant way. And it's helping you earn some checks that you might not have gotten in that other setting, for sure, on your own terms, and that's as beautiful. So, you know, excuse them for not allowing you to work smarter, not harder. The work that you get to do you have the opportunity to spend time in rooms that are multi gendered, and then also single gendered. I know that you I know that you enjoy both because you do both. If you had to choose which one would you choose?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 01:00:05

That Oh, thanks for putting me on the spot. Well, you know, I, so it's tough. I mean, I, I love working with all genders. Because we can all learn to communicate more effectively. So it's really fun going into an organization with mixed gender groups, because just different light bulbs go off. There's different experiences, you know, we all experience life differently. And, but I will say, I really do love working with women and tying in this whole idea of empowerment with communication. And that's where the woman empowerment series came to fruition. And it was after the passing of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, in fall of 2020. Such a Spitfire loved her. But I didn't really know too too much about what she was responsible for. So after her passing, I delved into that a little bit more. And she was so focused on gender equality in the workplace, and so focused on well not focused on but she was responsible for rather, like women being able to use credit cards. Right? So like stuff that's just kind of mind boggling. Yeah. And after her passing, I was like, Well, what can I do to continue her legacy to move her mission forward. And, you know, I was thinking about it. And I was, you know, chatting with my husband about what I wanted to do. And he's like, the woman empowerment series.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 01:01:45

So the woman empowerment series is a cohort based program that encourages and inspires women to use their voice to initiate change. But that change can mean whatever it means to each woman that I work with. So you know, for me, gender equality is important in the workplace, for somebody else, it could really just be navigating a tough conversation with their male boss. So the series is all about empowerment, but through communication, so we talk about linguistics and communication styles, gender differences, stereotypes, confidence, authenticity, common communication challenges, and how we navigate through some of those things that we, you know, come to fruition in the workplace. So it's a great series, we've had over 50 women go through the program over the last 18 months. And yeah, I'm excited about moving it forward.

James Robilotta: 01:02:37

That's awesome. Is it A, is it an in person experience? Is it a course? Is it what what is it? What's a container?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 01:02:44

It was? So started in fall? 2020. So it was all virtual?

James Robilotta: 01:02:50

Yep, sure. Replace, it's a great time to try something out.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 01:02:54

Yeah, it actually wasn't it. And one of my friends was just like, oh, because I dug my heels in with the whole virtual stuff. I'm like, I didn't want to go there. And finally, one of my good friends, Laura was like, just try it, you gotta try it. So I did. And so it's still virtual right now. And what I love about it is that it brings it creates this community, it brings women from all areas. So there's been women in Canada, there's been women all across the US, in all different industries, like constructions, forensics, teaching, like, just brings different women together, which I love. But then I also offer it to organizations. So I can go into organizations and work with, you know, women in an accounting company, leadership groups. So it's, you know, the, the cohort base is virtual, but I'm starting to give thought to Okay, well, would women be interested in doing it face to face, which would be great, but then that limits it to the Twin Cities, you know, or if I flew somewhere for it to be, but it's about to navigating? Yeah, the retreat model, like trying to navigate through like meeting women where they're at? And, you know, that's been a challenge, too, because, you know, we are slowly coming out of everything being virtual. Right? I mean, we're not going to ever get away from it completely. So there's lots of opportunities for me to give thought to Okay, well, we've been doing this for, you know, it'll be two years this fall. Where are women at now? What's the best way to reach them with this really important information?

James Robilotta: 01:04:31

Yeah, that's awesome. The business brain in me is also like, there's different I'm seeing different price tiers right now. And it will we could talk about that offline if you want. But yeah, that's cool thing to dream and schema back is when I reach more people, so yeah, I get that and and just in case you weren't sure that you and Tina needed to become friends. She's also she has nevertheless she persisted here and her mom's handwriting on her arm. Now she's getting Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Colorado. We're here. Yeah. And he this up here. Yeah, yeah. And she runs and she runs a women's empowerment conference called persist. And so y'all to y'all really, it's gonna it's gonna happen. It's gonna be Yeah, no. But, but still, that's, that's incredible, what an amazing opportunity to help individuals find their voice, whatever that means whether it's in their quality space or in art, you know, in a tough conversation space or just in a, I don't know, negotiations, right, whatever. That's, that's, that is really, that's really beautiful. Yeah, you know, women are taught so much societally and what we'll end on this, but I want to hear your thoughts on a women are taught so much societally, too often, you know, play smaller, right, turn their volume down. Now, and, and I think, you know, we're getting better with some of that kind of stuff. But there's still plenty of work that needs to get done. Just because some people can live out loud on social media doesn't mean that they can live out loud in the workplace, doesn't mean they can live out loud in the home, doesn't mean they can even live out loud in their friend groups sometimes. And so as we, as we think about tying authenticity, into women's empowerment, connect those dots for me, for some listeners that maybe I don't know where they are struggling to find their voice or want to amplify but don't know how, or, or whatnot.

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 01:06:31

The first thing I would say, is take up space, and try your damnedest not to be scared to do so because all women have a purpose. They all have something to say. And it really goes back to that quote that I love. Be fearlessly authentic, Bravely Be You. Because we are constantly invited to be ourselves. So we need to be able to it's not easy, right? And we have to, you know, it depends on the situation we're in and what we're trying to navigate through. But we have to have the freedom to be our authentic selves, right, we might have to rein ourselves in here and there. And again, that's situational. But there's so it's so important to be authentic, be who you are. take up that space. Don't shy away from making that impact. And, you know, using your voice to initiate change, whatever change means to you.

James Robilotta: 01:07:33

Yep. Yeah, that's beautiful. And authenticity. You know, this, this drives me nuts. I'm sure it frustrates you. But authenticity is is buzzword nowadays. And then that's, that's unfortunate. Because as soon as someone something's labeled a buzzword, it's like all of a sudden now it doesn't matter as much right now we're going to talk about it's like, I'm sorry, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, cliches got to be cliches, because they are undeniably true. So whatever, here we go. But so authenticity matters. And the pursuit of authenticity is one that is powerful. Because a lot of times we want people that will just be you. Just stand in your truth. Just speak. And you know, like you said, just take up space. And the pursuit of, of knowing ourselves of trusting ourselves of being confident who we are, is a hell of a journey. Absolutely. Someone with a low self esteem who don't like counselor this weekly. But, but yeah, I think it is. It is to tie in a word that you used earlier, it's giving yourself the grace to be where you are. Yeah, that's a lot of what I think of as Authenticity. Authenticity isn't something you are working towards. Right? It is something that you are giving grace, giving yourself grace to allow yourself to be where you are. And in, I hate that it's a buzzword, because it's like, it feels like it's six people trying to delegitimize what we talk about, and so I'm just feisty about it for that reason, too. Now, but I lied. I have one more question for you. What do you think about authenticity? What does the pursuit of it look like for for you? For you, Dr. Amelia Reichstag, right as you step into your own authenticity with your badass Mohawk? Yeah, you know, that kind of stuff? Like what? Tell me about that? Just

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 01:09:25

I mean it to me, it's, it's owning what I do. It's owning what I say. It's being unapologetic for myself and what I do. I mean, of course, like the communication and treating people with kindness and all that kind of stuff is, is so important. And sometimes, you know, again, like you said, that idea of authenticity people are like, Well, I'm just being authentic if I'm an asshole. Well, no, that's not actually what we're talking about. Right? Like there's there's so much other things that go into that. And I don't feel that it's kind of like one and done. Right. So I talk about like being my authentic self be fearlessly authentic, Bravely Be You. That's a continual journey. It's not something that I can say, well, great, I'm authentic. Exactly, there's so much more that goes into that. But for me, authenticity is, I want my life I want what I do to be grounded in authenticity. So it's always there. Right? Like, it's always floating around, it's written down. It's being brave. There's so much so many different components that go into that. And it's me just constantly striving towards that goal. But it did start with being able to rock my scar, and being comfortable in my own skin. And the purple Mohawk was about for me, you know, just being authentic and being me.

James Robilotta: 01:11:05

That's badass. I'm here for it. I'm here for it. Dr. Amelia RegTech, thank you so much for kicking in the diner with me. You are indeed a badass, I'm glad and 16 words, you convinced me that. And so the power of first impressions. That's awesome. You are truly special. And I'm glad that we live close to each other because I'd love to have a coffee with you. And introduce you to Tina. That would be great. Yeah. And the interim though, how can other people hang out with you? How can people get in touch with you? What you know, where does the women empowerment series live? If I'm interested in learning more about it?

Dr. Amelia Reigstad: 01:11:41

Absolutely. So just head on over to my website. It's Amelia randstad.com. Connect with me on LinkedIn. I'm on all the different social channels. Pretty easy to find. So I'd love to continue those conversations.

James Robilotta: 01:11:52

Love that race. That is our EIGSTA de Yes, your boss friend. I really appreciate you hanging out in the diner with me. Thank you for having me, pal. Yeah, y'all. That was my time with Dr. ameliorates that oh, my gosh, my mind is blown. I'm so excited. I got things to do. I feel like I need to go apologize to Tina and also lift her up. But either way, either way, all the well, some of the biggest things that I that I'm taking away from this conversation is that yes, we are all a work in progress. Yes, there is work to be done. And yes, we can do it. And we should do it is worth our time. It is worth our energy than other people are worth our compassion, thinking about the way that you routinely communicate with friends with family with loved ones. You know, my parents never called me I was always the caller in my family's relationship. And then I call my parents one day and I told them, hey, it bothers me that you never call me and they say, Well, why should we call you you always call us and I said, I know that is true. What could also be true. And what would mean a lot for me is if you called me every once in a while, because it just feels nice to be thought about that. And that pattern is slowly changing. And I'm grateful for it. But what it takes is standing in your truth and standing up for yourself and speaking with clarity. And that's a lot of what Dr. Emily rakes out is talking about here as you step into your beautifulness so my friends, thank you for kicking it in the diner and as always, until next time, keep punching small talk in the face by asking better questions. Take care.