Description: Generation Alpha is turning into digital vegetables with NASA-caliber tech in their pockets while helicopter parents hover like Vietnam-era Hueys. From participation trophy home runs to schools banning dodgeball for hurt feelings, we're raising adults who'll have emotional breakdowns over latte pumps.

Spice Index: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

This rant scorches because it shines a spotlight on how we've traded resilient childhoods for bubble-wrapped existences. Parents trade long-term growth for short-term peace while clutching their phones just as tightly as their precious snowflakes. We're all complicit in creating a generation that'll need trauma counseling when Netflix buffers for more than five seconds.