No matter what the activity - whether it is when we are writing an email, putting together a bio, giving a speech, starting a conversation at a networking event - it’s always the first word that is the hardest to utter - but then from there the opposite happens - we let the words take over - we go on without making the point - we use words we don’t need and cover up what we are really trying to say with superfluous language.

Listen to this week's episode as I talk with Terri Trespicio, (a repeat guest) to discuss how to connect with anyone - by not letting words get in the way of sounding human. 

Drink of the week….Andaz Hot Mess 

If you liked what you heard today, please leave a review and subscribe to the podcast. Also, please remember to share the podcast to help it reach a larger audience.

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From Unread to Riveting Workshop

Friends.

You asked and I answered.

I'm bringing you back a listener favorite.

It's been 84 episodes since my friend Terry PCO first joined the podcast.

Back then we discussed her new book and follow your passion.

Which came on the heels of her viral Ted talk, stop searching for your passion.

And now the two of us have new things to talk about.

Welcome to episode 1 43 of this shit works.

A podcast dedicated to all things, networking, relationship

building and business development.

I'm your host, Julie Brown.

Speaker author and networking coach.

And today, as I mentioned, I am joined again by my friend, Terry, just PCO

to discuss many things, including how to unleash your best ideas.

How to look at your work differently and how to not let words get

in the way of sounding human.

I think the first word is always the hardest, no matter what

activity, whether it is when we are writing an email, putting together.

Bio giving a speech, starting a conversation at a networking event.

It's always the first word that is the hardest to utter.

But then from there.

The opposite happens.

We let words take over.

We go on without making a point.

We use words we don't need and cover up what we are really trying

to say with superfluous language.

There are a number of reasons why we do this.

We aren't prepared.

We aren't confident.

We don't know where to start.

We think our words might fail us.

In business and in life, one of the skills we should be consistently working

on is the ability to convey what we do.

Why we do it and who we do it for?

We should also be able to put into words what we need in order to do

those things that we need to do.

Well, Good for us.

My guest today is a wordsmith, a skill user of words.

If you will.

I have worked with Terry multiple times.

Years ago, we worked together on my branding and tagline.

She also helped me describe my core idea in two sentences,

that I tell the audience.

In every community would I give.

Those two sentences being the people you meet will change your life.

Networking is how you meet those people.

When I wanted to create a TED-like talk, meaning a talk that delivers an idea

with sharing in less than 10 minutes.

I reached out to Terry and her speaker intensive program was one of

the tools I use to hone that skill.

I don't know where this episode will go.

I haven't scripted out my questions, but I can guarantee.

It will be fun.

Terry, welcome back to the podcast.

Thank you.

Thanks for having me back.

Um, of course, I mean, I'm sure the listeners are like, yes, I'm so excited.

Oh, I'm sure.

Uh, Terry, we're you and I both have email newsletters and I know, I

know you read my newsletters because you always respond to them, and I always

read every single one of yours because honestly, they're beautifully written

and I think they are thought provoking.

This is our art.

Some people write sonnets and other people write letters.

right.

I mean, what I think was so amazing is today I opened up your email.

It was serendipitous because your email was about networking and I

don't know if you planned that out.

You're like, oh, I'm gonna be on Julie's podcast today.

I'm gonna

No, that that was synchronicity.

Yes.

And you said something in the body of the newsletter about networking.

You said that networking does not require confidence.

That confidence is a side effect of networking.

And I know that I have had so many people reach out to me and say, how do you

have the confidence to do what you do?

And I don't think of myself as being an uber confident person.

I think of myself as doing things with repetition and with

repetition come comes confidence.

Is that what you mean?

Okay.

Yes.

Guess what?

You need to network a pulse.

Like you don't actually need confidence.

I, I got a real bug up.

My hoo-ha about confidence because

you can say Ass on this podcast, right?

Yeah, of course.

I was funny.

I thought hoo-ha was funny because hoo-ha is like suggestive.

You don't, you don't know which who, I mean,

Yeah.

Cuz it could be the front of the back.

I.

that's right.

Either way, there's a bug up there about confide.

Because I cannot stand it, mainly because what I hear outta people's

mouths again and again is that they think they need it to do anything.

Um, and the way I think about confidence is confidence is cash

and you don't get paid first.

You know, I don't ever have cash on me, barely.

And yet you still go out and live your life.

You can still go get a coffee, you can still go do stuff, and then, you

know, cash kind of balances it out.

I mean, this is not a, an advertisement for a credit card, but the truth is a

lot of my life is funded on credit cards and I know a lot of other people are too.

So I don't worry about having the cash to be confident to do a thing.

Uh, we can't, we don't have enough time.

So I say, don't worry about confidence.

Think of it as a nice, uh, it's one of those gifts they

give you at the end of the.

But you gotta be at the party first.

It's this, what is that bag called?

The stuff, swag stuff.

We all

flag stuff.

We okay.

Uh, and the confidence thing, I just think we have to get out of our

heads about needing confidence cuz it's holding too many people back

from doing things that would really actually help them be more confident.

Yeah.

Um, I wanna talk about communication with you.

I know, I mean, I know you're doing a lot

meta.

That's very meta.

That's very meta.

We're gonna talk about communi.

I wanna talk about podcasting with you on a podcast.

Um, no, but.

I, I, I think what I said in the beginning is true.

We don't, we know we, that words are the way in which we're gonna build

relationships, in which way we're gonna communicate what we do, in

which way we're gonna have people follow us and be a part of our brand.

Um, but I think a lot of people are paralyzed either by a blank

page or by starting a conversation.

And I would, I would ask you, Because I don't, I've never heard you be

at a loss for words, for anything.

And I have sat and listeners, I have sat in so many of your sessions and webinars

and been through your speaker intensive and gone to your How to Speak conference.

Um, you always seem to know exactly what to say, and, and

I was wondering if you have.

Advice or tips for the listeners so they can feel more confident on saying the

first word, getting the first word out.

Well, let's look at the two.

Let's look at two different media.

There's the talking and having the words on the spot in person

when you're having a conversation.

And then there's words on paper.

And since we're gonna get to that, let's start with the in conversation.

First you mentioned a few things for which I was very prepared

because those were my courses, my live events, people are paying.

Good money to be there, and so I better have my ducks in a row.

But the idea, but there is, um, you said you seem to know, and I think

that is pretty critical because I don't always know, but I feel like

I talk so damn much and I write so much that they're the first tool.

So I've had practice of doing it and doing it.

Um, so that's one thing.

The second.

Conversation.

I think we're putting too much emphasis on having the right words when really

we're just having a conversation.

Because when someone goes, so what do you do?

They're really just trying to get something going here with you.

You talk about anything, it doesn't mean they're like, God,

let me go into my LinkedIn file.

Let me pull up my LinkedIn.

They don't actually wanna know that, so, For one, I sometimes, I'm sure

I do ask people, what do you do?

But I, I try to vary it and I will ask the questions You wanna

feel at home in a conversation?

You, you're worried about being nervous.

I'm sure you've taught this many times.

Think of yourself as the host.

When you take interest in someone else, you not only make them feel at

ease and feel seen, but you're kind of in control of the conversation.

And then you can end the conversation when you need to.

But like starting that conversation be like, so what do you all sometimes say?

So what are you working on?

Or what has most of your attention lately?

Because it doesn't mean, well, here's my job and they have to trot out their

job title, which I will forget in a second if they're like, well, I'm trying.

Plan this trip I'm taking.

Then we can dig into it because the way you get to know someone is

through a conversation about anything.

I could talk to you, Julie, about writing about dogs, about our favorite

cocktails, and in any of those parallel universes where I asked you a different

question, we would find ways to connect regardless of the topic, which tells me

that this topic doesn't really matter.

So in the case of on the spot networking, I will.

I don't always know what to say.

I'll just talk to them or I'll compliment them on something

or be like, tell me this.

I often, I have, uh, my own insecurities, uh, one of which is I don't know anything.

I don't know anything about how the world works.

Sometimes I think I, I just don't know anything.

And so I go in a little bit ignorant and I'll just, no, I'll

be like, so what do you mean?

What, what does that mean?

Explain that to me.

I'll just ask people cuz I don't know anything and that's how I learn stuff.

So the idea that I should go in knowing and have this idea and be so super

swa, oh, I don't know it goddamn damn.

And so I ask a lot of questions.

I have two responses to what you just said, sofa.

First.

I love that question, and I am not gonna remember it exactly the way you said

it, but what is taking your attention,

What is, what has got the most of your attention?

What do you, yeah,

Because that doesn't implicitly mean we're gonna talk about work

Anything?

It could be a book you're reading.

Yeah, it could be a book you read.

It could be the fact that I can't stop watching succession, you know,

gosh, no spoilers.

No spoilers.

No spoilers.

Um, but I can't stop watching like that has my, like, I think

about, I'm like, oh my God.

And I think it's because I'm one of three children, so I am, I'm the middle

And you're like a media empire

You are too, right?

You're one of three, right?

Yeah.

Um, so I think that that dynamic between siblings is something that's

got me and I also had shitty parents.

So that also is, uh, I mean ever, I'm not telling the listeners anything they dunno.

Um, but I also love that you say, I don't know much about anything cuz

I find that sometimes I sit in this chair and I talk to people and at

the end of it I'm like, okay, thanks so much for being on the podcast.

And I get off, I'm like, wow, I'm a fucking dumb ass.

Like, Just happened to me where I interviewed, uh, you know, a, a speaker

friend of mine who is a tech futurist.

Like, and I mean, she knows everything about technology and artificial

intelligence and the future of the world and future of jobs.

And like I literally got off and I'm like, no, that's all I could

manage for the rest of the day.

No, I get it.

And I think that's good.

I don't wanna be the smartest one in the room all the time.

How boring is that?

I want to be learning, and this is another thing though, Julie, because people

will say, well, it's hard to network cuz I, I'm trying to impress people.

Don't go into impress.

That's, that's a douche move right there.

Like, I'm not trying to impress anyone.

I'm trying to be like, so like I'm gonna be impressed by someone.

Like once say you're talking to someone and you're like, oh, we're gonna get in

discussion about succession cause it's the newest, biggest episode just came out.

Go do you watch succession?

They go.

Now you're like, shit.

Like what?

And you say, you say, oh really?

What are you watching?

Let's get into and then say they're watching a show that you don't know.

Cool.

Time to learn about that show.

What do you like about it?

Oh, what's that?

What do you mean?

Then they just talk and talk because that's something they know about.

So now you've put them at ease.

Uh, if they're smart, they'll say, I don't watch succession.

Should I tell me why?

I should?

And then I love to tell them why I love it.

But you can really make a conversation about anything.

So if that's the goal, and the point is just to connect, they will remember you

for being the person who did something like, oh, you're planning a trip to Italy.

Next time you see 'em and go, where are you going?

To Italy or,

Yeah.

That's, as you know, that's you're entering into

hopefully a longer conversation.

I mean, and I love this because I talk about this a lot in my speeches,

is having these conversations in which you're not just talking about

works, gives you ease of follow up

Yeah.

Cuz there's other stuff to talk about rather than what

you want from them or whatever.

Yeah.

So if you said to me, oh, I'm going to Italy, I could say, oh my gosh,

my husband used to live there.

You know, we've visited, can you know,

Where are you going?

are you going?

Can I give you restaurant recommendations?

Yada, yada, yada.

Um, like that is ease of follow.

I mean, that's a very human

human,

way of conversing.

And so that gets me to the question that I said, you, you, you said you, we often.

We, we let words, or we have the ability to get, have words,

get in the way of being human.

Is that what you mean?

Like when we're trying to like act like somebody we're not, or not like

Oh.

questions we think we're supposed to be asking.

Don't try to be smart.

Don't try to impress people.

Just like let people see who you are.

I know that's easier said than done, especially if you're not

sure they will like who you are.

But most people aren't worried about whether you're a, you know

what kind of person you are.

They're worried about what you think of them.

It's just like a hall of egoic mirrors.

Uh, but.

Yeah, the words, the thing is, I said is the, the worst thing to happen to,

the worst thing to happen to networking is the word networking because it

presupposes I'm going in with an agenda.

I'm going in to get something and it feels weird.

So I just go in saying, Hmm, I wonder what, who I can maybe help tonight

or what, what I can offer tonight and just think you're gonna a potluck

and I'm bringing, I don't know.

I'm bringing this spicy dish

I'm bringing a bag of Slim gyms.

I don't know.

Like I'm just coming in with something and maybe someone needs it and I can

help you go in with that feeling of, Hey, I'm just here to kind of participate.

I'm not, I'm not life or death hanging on to every conversation

because people smell that desperation

Oh.

it.

I gotta tell you, this is, this is neither here nor there, but I was at

a conference and I love conferencing.

I love conferencing as I love networking at conferencing is one of my biggest

builders of my brand and always has been.

When I was working for other companies with conferencing

and I was at a conference and I can't even remember where it was.

I think it was in.

Um, Virginia and a bunch of us had gone out afterwards for like late

night drinks and we were in this like tiny little restaurant with these big

windows, and a guy we knew from the conference literally walked by, saw us

sitting at the, at the windows, put his one pan on the window and like snapped

into a slim gym with the other hand.

Really.

like, did that Tom just snap into a slim gym?

Like he must have been like 20 cocktails in like, I don't know.

But he was like,

Oh my God.

And now you're seeing him for who He is.

Hilarious.

I mean, I just love it.

I mean, in conferencing is like, it's like a top to bottom activity.

It's like you see them in the morning, you see him in the

afternoon, you see him at night.

You see him late

you'll never see them for the whole day like that again.

No,

You're seeing a full

conferencing is a very, You, you're there for multiple days.

You're ex, it's a shared experience.

You're doing things together for multiple days.

I had this conference that IED and in West Bayden, Indiana, um,

last fall and after my keynote, we all went skeet shooting together.

Oh

come on.

I sucked at from Boston.

I don't have any guns.

It was the first time I shot a gun, but it was so fun.

But these are like experiences you share with humans, and that

is, and that is, and that is how you build those relationships.

I actually paid and attended a conference.

I wasn't speaking there, nothing.

And I went, and I, the whole way, I was like, why am I doing this?

Why did I, six months ago, this is a great idea, and now I'm g I'm on my

way to the airport and I'm like, blah.

But I ended up.

Being like, this might be fun.

And it was fun cuz you know, we're speakers.

We often go and speak at a thing and then you're half speaking, you're busy.

But to just ride into a conference and go along for the ride, eat the free tacos,

go to the open bar night, whatever.

Uh, I got to meet some new people and cluster a little group together and

we shared several meals together and we had some really meaningful convers.

I got to, I got new ideas.

I got to learn about people I would never have met otherwise, and it was special.

It's just not like everyday life as I think of conferences as.

Summer camp for adults because you're going away sleepovers, you know,

sometimes people do bad things.

I mean, who knows?

But it's it, it is really fun.

So if you get the chance, if you really wanna level up networking, say, what

conferences are happening this year?

Where do I wanna go?

And just go.

In fact, go by yourself because when you go with a little group,

you won't talk to anyone else.

When you go alone, then you're gonna have to meet new.

Yeah.

What inside of you, when you were in the car on the way to the

airport, when you had that moment of like, why am I doing this?

Like, where do you think that came from?

Because you knew it was a good idea, you knew you should be.

Like, where do you think that little sort of hesitation came from?

Uh, I think it comes from the fact that I don't wanna leave my house.

I don't want to go like, first of all, I've become a nervous flyer.

I was never a nervous flyer and now I'm very afraid of like being

caught in turbulence and da da da, and I'm just like, oh, why

am I putting myself through this?

The worst thing in the world could happen or the best thing in the world,

but nothing happens unless I cross my threshold and leave my apartment and I,

I drag myself kicking and screaming over.

Cause I'm like, oh, cuz I put my hands on the back of a dining room chair and I.

Is there a chance I'll make it back here because I really wanna come home.

Like I really wanna come back.

Like I'm about to go on a trip, a big trip abroad for like two weeks

and I planned like I'm, I signed up to do these things and now I'm

like, oh, can't someone else go?

Why do I have to go?

I just don't wanna go.

It's gonna be exhausting, but once I get there, I will have a great,

it will be the most wonderful thing, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But I don't know what horrors could happen.

I have a little bit.

Generalized anxiety, like a lot of people.

So it's not afraid of meeting people and all that because you know who's friendly

People at conferences, they're so nice.

They're so, it is just the night you're catching people at their level best.

Yeah.

I used to,

I don't wanna leave home.

I don't

funny you mentioned this.

I was never afraid of flying until I got married,

What,

then, yeah.

And so I got married when I was 28.

I was never afraid of Fri flight.

Let me just try that, try that again.

I was, I just said I was never a afraid of flying.

Sorry.

Okay.

I

I was never afraid of frying

never afraid of frying.

I love frying.

anything fried,

I was never afraid of flying until I got married.

And I got married when I was 28.

And then once I got married, I felt sort of like responsible

for somebody else's happiness.

And that's when my fear of flying kicked

really?

So what's, what are we afraid?

I was afraid of like leaving him a widow.

Like is it a widow or a widower?

Is it a

be a, he'd be a widower.

He'd be a widower.

I was afraid of like,

dead.

yeah, I'd be dead.

I'd be fine cause I'd be dead.

Um, I, I suddenly had this horrible fear of flying and I

was flying all the time, like,

Yeah, you do.

Well, this was even in my previous career where sometimes I was flying more.

I mean, I had conferences and I went to everything and I had the

worst verifying, and I took like an online course to get over it.

Did it help?

Yes.

And now I fly so much that I just don't even.

I don't even think I know what every, so here's the thing.

Fear comes from the unknown and from not having a loss of control.

And I didn't know what all the sounds the plane was making, and I obviously didn't

have control of the plane, but once I learned what every single sound was like

for me when I was flying, it was like every time they moved the flaps on the

wings, I was like, oh, we're going down.

oh, I see.

because it was a weird noise.

But now that I know every single noise that happens from takeoff

to landing, I'm assured because I know what all of those noises mean.

I'm not afraid of dying in a plane.

I know that it's safer than crossing the street in Manhattan.

You're

is safe.

I'm afraid I'll live, I'm afraid I'll live through it and be shaken up like a salt

shaker in the air and I'm afraid I'll be sick or I won't, cuz I don't like rides.

Like, and I trust me, uh, I take every medica I'm on

everything when I go up there.

I, I feel it's a fear of loss of control.

Some people have that same fear when they walk into a room of

strangers when they get up on stage.

Everyone's afraid of, so, That's kind of what makes me nervous, but I'm

always glad that I went and did the

Mm-hmm.

I'm just a bit of a homebody.

I do a lot of my networking sitting right here.

I love to get on Zoom, calls with people, write to people.

I mean, well, writing to people is what we're getting into next.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

So yes, you, I, I wanna tell you said the perfect thing.

You can network right from your office chair.

You don't have to, you honestly don't have to leave your desk.

I, prior to the pandemic, I would've been like, no, you have to be out at events.

You have to be shaking hands and kissing babies and like doing all that stuff.

But I don't believe that anymore.

I believe your world has changed.

I believe the way we build relationships have changed and.

I think that there's a number of different ways we can connect with people.

Part of it is going out to the traditional networking events and conferences.

Some of it is LinkedIn networking, but some of it is using words, and

that's what we're gonna talk about.

Um, I think an avenue for success for anybody is to think about

how we can communicate differe.

Whether we can communi, how we can communicate differently by email.

By voicemail.

You and I, we voice memo each other so we don't text each other.

We send voice memos to each other all day long, which I think is great.

Cause you, there's intonation, which you don't get in a text

Oh, absolutely.

intonation in a text message.

Um, you know, changing the way we communicate just on one-on-one.

You know, conversations like, how do you think we can.

More creative in all of the ways and all of the mediums we have

to communicate with each other.

I use like you, lots of different ways to communicate and

it's, it's very much determined by, The personality of the other person,

what they will and will not communicate on what they tend to respond on.

Like if you email me, it's gonna take a while cuz I, my email is

just like a snake pit of stuff.

Uh, but there are relationships I have built completely on Voxer.

Voxer is voicemail voice messages back and forth.

It's a m walkie-talkie slash.

Trading voicemails, right?

Asynchronous conversation, which is like my favorite because you

can leave it at any time of day.

And one of my friends, you know, we had met and knew each other for

years, but once we got on Voxer, the relationship deepened because I could

talk to her whenever, like I could be laying in bed at midnight and say,

you know, I was just thinking, do you worry about this kind of thing?

I said to, uh, this friend, I feel like I'm always passing notes

with her in the back of the room, and that's what it feels like.

So that's an intimate, the audio only intimate, you're not worried about how

you look and blah, blah, blah, blah.

So that's for people that I work with, but who are also friends.

That's one thing.

But then the other one, which even fewer people will go on

with me is Marco Polo, which.

Yeah.

Right.

You know Marco Polo, if you haven't tried it, try it.

I'm on there.

My entire family, including my like 83 year old dad is on there.

And so we get to see him and he gets to see us and you know, all that.

A lot of my friends, this is like a generation thing, so I'm Gen

X, my friends who are Gen X and A and who are a little older than.

I cannot get them to go on it.

I have tried.

I have tried.

They will not.

The excuses, and this is idiosyncratic, the excuses are, um, I don't want another.

Hmm.

Uh, I don't like how I look.

I said, well, so when you meet me for coffee, you're

gonna put a bag in your head.

Cuz I'm gonna see how you look there too.

This is not, but there's a confusion because since we're not, uh,

internet natives, putting yourself on a video camera looks like the

world can see you, but they can't.

Only the other person can.

So I have built relationships that way and maintained them because for

me, I can maintain it at my pace, which means when I feel like it,

I don't wanna get on a phone call.

Uh, no.

Like that.

So, to your.

It.

Each relationship has a tenor of its own, and I make sure I respect that.

So the fact is the people who don't communicate with me via an instant, uh,

audio or video messaging thing, I just don't talk to as much, and I've noticed.

They have fallen out of orbit with me.

So I'm noticing that the tech is very much impacting who I talk to, who knows what's

going on and who my closest friends are.

So yeah, it matters.

Now the tricky thing is you can't make someone go on there,

especially if they're a new contact.

So I often offer Voxer as service to someone who's like, Hey, would it be

easier for you if you could talk to me about stuff when you need to as we plan

this event or as we talk about this thing?

And I invite them to do.

Uh, but you can't kind of make someone, I think texting is still the most personal

because that is the thing you answer.

Don't you

Yeah, it's funny because my voicemail on my phone, I don't answer the

phone, which is weird for separate Gen X because I literally grew up with the,

the receiver ti, you know, attached to my ear talking to all my girlfriends in high

school, like, you know, taking that long cord from the kitchen into the bathroom

and closing the door, like I literally

didn't know who was calling you and you had like three friends, right?

So like now I don't

so it's very safe.

So now I don't answer the phone.

And if you actually let the phone ring, I mean, most people don't

let the phone ring to voicemail.

But if you let the phone ring to my voicemail, it says, hi,

you've reached the voicemail and Julie Brown hang up and text me.

What are you doing leaving a message?

What is it?

1989.

not.

And it, I think it actually says, I'm not gonna listen to your message, like text

That's aggressive and I love it.

And I am probably one of the most aggressive

Yeah, but who's leaving voicemails?

You know

And it's funny cause people still leave them.

People still leave them.

But now most people leave like voicemail messages for me and I just not voice.

Voice audio, voice texts.

Yeah.

I think it's just like we need to hear the voice, the

actual voice is so important.

We need to hear tone.

It's still real hard to get it in words, as you were saying.

Do words get in the way?

Sometimes they do because we're writing it quickly and it's not really there.

So yeah, I think, I think those real, not real time, but the more you can

include, uh, who you are and how you sound, the closer to you, someone.

Well, let, let's be honest, email is still the preferr.

Form of communi communication for most people, for like 75% of of

business professionals email is the preferred form of communication.

And I can't remember, I did a podcast on, on this recently and

it was like, it's preferred over voicemail, it's preferred over text,

it's preferred over like whatever.

So we have to get good.

Using words and language and, and communicating and, and

creating a point by email.

Well,

I think that's hard for a lot of

I think it's really hard, but you're right.

Email is, we don't have everyone's text permission.

Email is like the front door.

You still have to go up and knock.

Text is like the back door, you know what I mean?

Mark poll's like throwing shit at someone's window.

Um, but yes, we have to be able to do it quickly.

Uh, I would say not succinctly, like you can only have 10 words cuz

there's not enough context that I, I'm not paying attention either.

All right.

Being able to craft an email, even though you and I do it as part

of our business and our outreach it letter writing is an art form and you

don't just dash it off just cuz like now everyone's in this like quick

send things quickly, kind of culture.

Putting some thought behind what you say in an email is, uh, it

deserves your time and attention.

Like I take.

With an email, whether it's to my whole list or whether it's to a person.

Like I sit down and say, now I'm gonna do some emailing, some

letter writing, and it's personal.

Even when that email goes out to a lot of people.

Yeah, I think, and I think what you just said there is the key point.

I take time.

I think so many people think of email as this very quick medium

and we send things off without doing the amount of research or,

Rereading them, rereading them out loud, um, saying them and

making sure you're doing it quickly.

When I said quick, I don't mean you do it quickly, but you

have to get someone's attention

Yes.

I mean the, I mean, that's the point of the subject line, like the subject

line is, are you gonna open this?

Like

And that's everything because

an interesting subject

is this urgent?

Is it urgent or is it not urgent?

Or am I gonna enjoy it?

Am I interested?

Is it, you know, um,

I'm just like looking down my own, um, email box, which.

Is just a trash pit of stuff.

And the most exciting thing is a message from the building saying you have an

Amazon package in the package room.

Uh, I love seeing the reco when it's a subject line.

I remember, because that means it's a response directly to me.

Um, I really hate a general subject thing that doesn't tell me anything.

The problem is, Julie, you're so good at subject headings, and I like to think that

I've really honed my art around that too.

It's hard to know if this is something personal or something

that's going to a list.

I know not everyone's writing to a list, so this is very specific.

But I have gotten complaints from people who said, I thought

this was just to me, and then I realized, I was like, but it was to

Trust you.

I

But people get like, wow, this is just a a, a ma a A mass.

A mass.

It's me on my couch.

I spent an hour on that thing.

There's no mass production involved here.

Yeah, I, I do reme.

I mean, I do love a subject line and yes, you are correct.

My subject lines are crazy, but I have a 78% open rate of my emails, which is

like of my, of my newsletter emails.

Um, I'm sure my other emails are a higher rate, we would hope, but

they come to expect something from you and they want that.

Yep.

So the question is, are people, let's not, let's even like go away

from email list emails cuz that's a different kind of communication

when you're writing to someone that you want to connect with in a real

way and you don't know each other.

That's to me, I actually, I get excited.

When I see an email in my myself, who's that?

And if it looks businessy or professional, I figure it isn't really to me.

And sometimes I read, I go, this isn't for me.

But I recently got an email from a woman who said, Hey, You know,

I really love what you're doing.

I love this.

And it really like, it was an actual, like, she contacted me via email.

She'd contacted me via, via LinkedIn.

She was very clear about what she was about.

When I wrote her back, she wrote back a slightly longer email.

I liked that.

I don't want someone to dash something off to me.

She took time to really explain who she was and, and why she was a real person.

In fact, the uh, woman on my team goes, Hey, this seems like a real person.

You should talk to her.

That was the deciding factor.

And turned out she is a, a booking agent who is just starting her business.

So she's new and not pretending to be something she's not.

She's like, I'm starting out.

I wanna represent more women.

Uh, I'd love to talk to you.

And I was like, uh, okay.

And I really liked her.

Now she's a person in my life.

Where before she was just a stranger.

And that leap from stranger to someone who has a reco at the

beginning of the emails is a big jump.

And I really liked her and I introduced her to you and I introduced

her to several other people.

But see, I just grew her network and she's gonna grow mine.

This is something we put ourselves into heart and soul.

Yep.

I wanna, I'm so glad you mentioned that because you made the

introduction to her, to me via email.

Um, this morning or last night?

This morning or last night.

I, I, I got the email this morning and.

Listeners, this is, this is how you take an introductory email, a strategic

introductory email, and you make it something in which you are both.

Both parties are super excited to move it off of the email platform, so you made

the introduction, and so what I could have done is just responded to that email.

Oh, so and so it's, I'm so glad Terry connected us.

Looking forward to connecting to you and learning more about your business,

blah, which is what most people would do.

But what I did was I went to her email, saw her domain name, her name

at her company, went to her company.

Realized that she owned three dogs and I obviously am a dog mom as well.

Learned about her company and who she was, um, repping.

And the dog's names.

So the dog's names.

Two of the dogs' names were Unna and Lily.

And I have a cousin Unna and a niece Lily.

Oh my gosh, yes.

And I wrote back and I was like, from one dog mom, solopreneur,

entrepreneur to another who loves human names for dogs, like, and wrote all this.

And I was like, you're never gonna believe this.

I have a niece, Lily and a, and a cousin Unna, and you have two

dogs, one named Unna and Lily, and then the other one, Baya.

But I didn't have anybody in my family anyways, just said how, like,

look at how connected we already are and we don't even know it.

And she wrote back and she.

Holy shit.

Like that's the response you want from your email.

Now, I never would've gotten that response.

She never would've felt as connected to me if I hadn't done that tiny

Little extra little bit of extra.

and been okay letting her know all of those different little pieces of

my life being okay with being a human being okay with bringing the human aspect

into our, you know, business convers.

Because it's a relief to her too.

She doesn't, she's like excited to talk to.

A potential new prospect who could gain more business for her.

And she might be, I don't know how she feels, but she could either be

like, oh, here's another person.

Or why she could be intimidated or excited.

She's obviously very excited, but now when you get on a call with her

and you get off the email, right, it'll be like a real conversation

with a real person like, this is you.

You could change each other's lives.

Who knows?

But you know, it's very rare to make it to that.

Not everyone gets to the worst is, and I know you know this and

everyone listening knows this.

When you get these emails from strangers either in your inbox or on LinkedIn, and

they're like, it appears you're, I love what you're doing, and they give you

some bullshit line, like, it appears you might did a, do you think you need this?

Here's a link for my calendar.

We should talk.

I'm like, uh, what?

Like, now you want me to sign up for, I'm sorry.

Get the hell outta here.

I don't know why people think that's a good idea,

Oh.

Yeah, so I think this would be, cause again, I'm just so glad that this

email interaction happened today because it just goes to show the

power of email in building a network, in building a business, and just

building relationships and friendships.

So I think today would, today, right now would be a good time

to talk about this special thing that you and I have coming up.

Yes, when we were talking about words and how to, uh, how to actually

break through the noise, um, this is a real sweet spot for me and you because

we're both speakers and writers and creators and communicators who basically

communicate for a living and you know, we.

We walk our talk, we put the time in to ensure that connections are real

and this, as we know, could and does change other people's lives too.

So we took, you and I were thinking, let's take one piece of this that

we could dive into and really teach and allow people to practice.

And so da, da, da.

We're doing our first workshop together, um, which I of course love the title.

It's called From Unread to Riveting, how to Email Cold Leads Without Being

a Hot Mess, which this is just so, it's so Julie and I love it so much.

I love it.

And the idea is it's a 90 minute workshop and we're gonna dive

into exactly this, the craft.

The draft.

Right.

How do you get into really thinking about how to write?

Because as, as you and I know and everyone else, when you go to sit down

to write it, there's a moment of pause over a blank page and you had asked me,

how do you deal with that first moment?

I try not to hover too long, cuz the longer I hover, the harder

it is to land on that page.

So I, I have an approach to it that I take that just involves.

Actually, um, using language to get at the idea rather than trying to figure out

what I'm gonna say and find the words.

That actually doesn't help, I find.

Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna teach a different approach and you are gonna talk to us about some

of the, the things you've seen work and not work, including some really

bad, some really bad emails, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some of the things we're cover.

How long should it take you?

What are you gonna tackle in an email?

You can't become someone's best friend in a first email, right?

This is the first of a long conversation, uh, the subject line.

What are people saying in the first line of an email that is killing

their chances of a real connection?

Uh, what length has to do with it?

How long should you go on people?

Oh, people don't read.

Hmm?

They don't read everyth.

But something that's just to them, oh, you better believe they do read it.

Uh, the surprising power of emojis and, well, you might say gif.

I say gif

I say Jiff, I

you say gif.

Okay.

the peanut butter,

Like the peanut butter and how to follow up.

You say, well, I don't wanna bother people.

Well, if you could sit there and not bother anyone, and no one will ever talk

to you ever, that's not the, you'll die being polite and having no one to talk to.

Uh, so this is what we're doing.

It's happen.

On May 24th.

It is an happy hour time.

hour.

Five to six 30

up with a, I think we're gonna come up with a cocktail

that everybody can make, right?

Yep.

That's, I leave that to you because that is your department.

We're gonna do a cocktail.

You'll come, uh, and you can come do it.

It is a, we'll have more information.

You'll love the website.

I know that my name is not as easy to spell, but Google knows me.

She'll send you up my way.

It's uh, terry sio.com/hot.

word, hot mess.

And then we will direct.

Then you'll build able to see like, what is this saying?

Well know what does it cost?

It's, it's basically a one-off.

And the reason, and I think it's important to say this, there's a

lot of free workshops and webinars.

If you want to deliver something of value, it requires a commitment.

And when you pay for someone's time and you pay for a workshop,

chances are you show up.

I know I do.

So we are looking for people who really wanna dig into this

cuz you're gonna get the chance.

Try it out to learn a different approach and to actually apply it.

Right.

Am I missing anything?

Yes.

And this is not a web.

I mean, yes, it is a webinar, but it's on Zoom.

Like it's

No, it's real live.

It's live

We'll be able to see everybody.

You'll be able to talk to us.

You'll be

is not a canned, it's not a canned thing.

This is, we're gonna be giving you personalized feedback and talk about

what you're working on, you know?

Absolutely.

I, I can't wait because this is, this is a special thing and it could change everyth.

I

what, I know what I mean.

I know I have examples in my books of emails that changed my business.

So

Oh, and we gotta look at those again

this is an important, it, it, it's just so important.

It's so important.

There's another reason you were saying, uh, earlier,

why do people feel worried?

Of course they're worried what someone will think.

Are they bothering them?

Will they be impressive or interesting enough?

But there's also that fear that people have around language.

And as, uh, Gloria Stefan said when she was part of Miami Sound Machine,

the words get in the way and they do.

And so I'll give you one tip of how I, you said, how do you keep

words from getting in the way and here's my tip for you for the day.

And there's more of.

There's more where this is coming from.

Uh, use words as a utensil, not an orna.

Mm-hmm.

rather than trying to dress up an email with fancy adjectives and and

extraneous information, think of the sharpest, most useful use of words.

And how I do that is by writing a rough draft to no one where I just bang

out everything I think I wanna say, and I don't care what it looks like.

I just write it.

I go, I think I'm trying, and I'll actually write, I'm

gonna write to this lady.

Here's what I think I'm trying to say.

Here's what I'm worried about, what I want to ask.

And I write my way into it.

Because once you're writing, you're writing and then you can get at

the things that you most wanna say.

So that's my, that's my old tip for the day.

What is, what do you think is.

well, I think for me, I mean, again, I come from a res, I

mean, I have a degree in biology.

I come from a research background.

Everything I do begins.

With research, and by research I mean understanding the person

that I'm trying to reach out to.

It's not about me, it's about them.

How much can I learn about them and then how do I use what I learned

in a way that is not creepy?

I saw that in, uh, April of 2020, you were having a rash

of some kind on your elbow.

Yeah, I love it.

Facebook page that you have shingles.

No,

Oh God.

not what

Yeah.

There's a, the line there.

I love that.

I always forget that you were a bio.

Person.

It's so interesting.

We could not come from more different backgrounds and yet

we are singing the same song.

But that is what makes this kind of a fun, um, exploration of what

we do together as, as co-teachers.

Because you come from do your homework place, like know the metrics, measure

it, know what you're dealing with.

And I have a master's in poetry, so that is what we're gonna do.

It's gonna be a blend of everything.

gonna be great.

I mean, cuz I think everybody thinks networking is this amorphous

thing that doesn't have structure and it has so much structure,

If you absolutely.

That's like saying a cre, that's like saying any creative endeavor.

Uh oh.

It's just creative.

It's ushi.

Gushy or it's just no.

Creative endeavors have rules.

They have boundaries.

They have form and structure.

Yeah, and it's not like there's one magical thing, a madlibs thing where

you can fill this in for everyone.

The whole point is you should not be using a madlibs format.

You should be reinventing it each time.

And if you say, well, that's too much work, then how important is it for

you to connect with people because.

I want you to be able to enjoy that work, to sit down and go, now I'm

going to give this person my attention.

I'm gonna show them that I care about them and I'm interested in learning more.

Uh, and that is the gift that you took time to do it.

If you think you're too busy to network, then I hope that you're,

that you're, let me do that again.

If you're too busy to network.

What you're saying is you don't really need new business.

You don't really wanna grow and you don't really need any new friends.

And if that's true, then I'm glad you're independently wealthy.

But for the rest of us, our livelihood depends on the strength and

endurance of long-term relationships.

In fact, I will quote Dory Clark on this who is very talk about networking.

The woman is so ca everyone in the world knows her, I believe.

And if you don't check her out.

She's a brilliant author and uh, a marketing expert and.

She says, her rule of thumb is when she meets a new person, a new contact.

It is a full year before she asks for anything.

She's like, because she's burned herself before, where she went in and

said, what do you think about this?

Can you help me with this?

And it was like, whoa, slow your role.

So she gives and gives and gives and just engages and allows that to happen.

And a year, maybe she'll ask, and if you say you don't have time, I say, well,

what the heck are you doing a year from?

Would you like to have a relationship that you don't have yet?

Yeah.

I mean, that just goes to show you can't, I mean, there's no

Hail Mary passes in networking.

What if you need a Hail Mary pass?

You are too late.

You are too late?

That is correct.

You not allow that to happen?

I mean, we could go on.

I mean, we should, I mean, I just, we can't, we can't because this podcast

has an ending, but we could go on and we'll go on on May 24th at five o'clock.

And again, it's,

tosio.com/hot mask.

it's not a webinar, it is a meeting of the mines, so just know that

get to stay home.

you will be with.

In the Zoom rooms.

It is not a webinar, it is a meeting of the minds.

Um, and I can't wait.

I think it's gonna be so amazing.

Yeah, it's gonna be real fun.

And you're gonna leave with something you didn't walk in with.

You're gonna come in, you're gonna do, that's workshop means you make something

and when you leave, you have something.

And also you have a new perspective.

So you can rinse and repeat and uh, you know, change the

way you approach communication.

Right.

And not be a hot mess,

And not be a hot mess.

I mean, maybe in other parts of your life, but not

maybe, but not here.

Not in your email.

All right, girl.

Thanks so much.

We will, uh, we'll see each other again on May 24th.

Yeah.

I'll talk to you.

Thanks, Julie.

This upcoming collaboration with Terry blossomed out of discussions I

had after I published the episode on why your emails suck and how to fix them.

Which is actually one of my most listened to episodes.

And it's no wonder, I mean, even though it is the preferred form of communication,

The average person spends nine seconds or less looking at your email.

You want an even more disappointing statistic?

30% of people will spend less than two seconds looking at your email.

If you want to get noticed, make a point, build connections.

You need to know how to effectively use email to communicate in network.

And wouldn't be teaching this class if I didn't have proven ways of

breaking through those emails, stats.

My mass emails, meaning my newsletter emails have an average open rate

of 70%, which is on heard of.

And my one-to-one cold emails.

If you will have an even better open rate.

This is an important tool and we cannot wait for this interactive workshop.

With you.

Like, it's going to be so much fun.

So remember.

May 24th.

5:00 PM to 6:30 PM.

Bring a cocktail and your creativity because we're going to smash some

of these email stats together.

The link to register is www dot Terry Tris BCO.

dot com slash hot mess.

If you don't know how to spell her name, don't worry.

There's a link to it in the show notes.

Okay.

Onto the drink of the week, which is the Andaz hot mess.

Um, so the Andaz is a restaurant in San Diego.

So this is a drink they have called the Haas hot mess.

Here's what you're going to need.

Strawberry puree, one part St.

Germain, and then we're going to have champagne to finish off the cocktail.

What you're going to do is you're going to take a cocktail glass.

And fill it with ice and then add the strawberry puree and the St.

Your bane stirred combine.

And then, you know, fill that glass up with champagne and they garnish

it with blueberries on the top.

And, you know, I'm super excited for this workshop, which is online, but if

you want to see me and Terry speak live, we will both be presenting at the how

design live conference in Nashville, Tennessee, the first week of June.

The conference is June 4th through the seventh.

I'll include a link to the conference in the show notes.

All right friends, that's it for this week.

If you like what you heard today, please leave a review

and subscribe to the podcast.

Also, please remember to share the podcast to help it reach a larger audience.

If you want more, Julie Brown, you can find my book.

This shit works on Amazon or Barnes and noble.

You can find me on LinkedIn at Julie Brown BD.

Just let me know where you found me when you reach out.

And I am Julie Brown underscore BD on the Instagram, or as always, you

can just pop on over to my website, Julie Brown, bd.com until next week.