Shownotes
As a child Denise’s family blamed her for a tragedy that took the life of her younger brother. They mistreated Denise and her tyrannical stepfather ultimately saw the children as a means to his own financial gain. She took drastic steps to get herself kicked out of the house on a path to her own independence.
Today, Denise has found love in a supportive husband. Now she knows what love feels like, and has the experiences that come from a supportive extended family. But her own son, who didn’t know his own father growing up, now has a similar nagging feeling that Denise had to connect with her own family. She has resolved to surround herself with positivity and love in order to move on in a positive direction with her life.
The post 007 – I’m Great With My Family, They Love Me For Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.
Denise: 00:02 I've always searched for him. I've always wanted to know him. I mean, I, you know, I always have, especially my dad. I mean his parents used to be the king and Queen at the fair and um, I went there every year, just tried to get a glimpse of him. I had no idea what they looked like, but I still wanted to know them.
Voices: 00:26 Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?
Damon: 00:37 This is, Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and my guest today is Denise. I contacted Denise online after I read her post in an adoption support group on Facebook called I Am Adopted. I reached out to her to be supportive because I sensed some real pain and deep emotions from her online. It turns out she didn't have a conventional adoption. The way I typically think of them and her childhood wasn't a typical childhood at all. A tragedy in her childhood, left her extended family, blaming her for their sad loss, which turned into mistreatment and a hard childhood in the aftermath. She always wondered where her biological father was and why he never came to rescue her. Here's what Denise shared with me.
Denise: 01:26 Hello Damon!
Damon: 01:26 How are you?
Denise: 01:28 I am good.
Damon: 01:29 Excellent. It's really good to meet you.
Denise: 01:32 Yeah, online!
Damon: 01:33 I was so interested to see your posts in the I am adopted Facebook group. It sounds like you have just such an interesting story. So I mean you, it sounds really complex. So if you would just do me a favor and take me back to your childhood in the beginning in your family and tell me a little bit about what adoption was like in your family and in your community.
Denise: 01:58 Okay. Um, it's not a typical adaption. Um, I was, had a happy childhood for the first three years. My mother and I, well actually, yeah, three years. My mother and I lived with her parents and, um, my dad, as far as I knew was in the service over, I don't know, I was 1954 so I haven't know where he was at that time, but my dad was over there and then all of a sudden we moved from grandma and Grandpa's and there's a guy that's not my dad and he's now my mom's husband.
Damon: 02:31 Your stepdad.
Denise: 02:31 And so my Stepdad, right. So, um, things were okay until my little brother, um, died in the fire. I was four and he was three.
Damon: 02:44 Oh no.
Denise: 02:44 And that was very traumatic for my mother. Um, she was never the same since. So it was kind of left up to the stepdad to raise us when the meantime mom had six children all together.
Damon: 02:58 And was your stepdad the father of all six of you guys now?
Denise: 03:02 No, he was not my father. And I thought for many, many, many years that the little brother that died was my only real sibling.
Damon: 03:12 Oh, interesting.
Denise: 03:13 Yeah. They had told me that by his last name on the death certificate was the same as mine.
Damon: 03:19 I see.
Denise: 03:19 And so maybe they didn't tell me, but that was just the same. But everything changed that when he died, my Stepdad's parents no longer cared for me whatsoever. They ended up, um, the other kids could go in the house and, you know, I had to stay out in the car or out in the yard or, you know, I was never invited in. Um, and I, I think that they blamed me for the fire. What it could very well have been. But in reality, my mom left me and my little brother alone with a wood burning stove.
Damon: 03:53 Hmm.
Denise: 03:53 So that's how the fire went. And years later I found out that, um, everybody thought I was going to be blind because I wouldn't open my eyes and my gram, my grandma, my love of my life told me that, um, a nurse told me if I looked out into the stars, I would see my little brother Harry. And so I opened my eyes.
Damon: 04:13 Really?
Denise: 04:15 Yeah. So that was fantastic. Um,
Damon: 04:18 so you, after you and as a child, you just closed your eyes, tried to hide from the reality of what had happened.
Denise: 04:23 Yeah, I did. I was in the hospital and I just, I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to see with my eyes and see anything I guess. I mean I was only four, so I didn't know. I mean I've remembered since then what happened, but I, you know, at that time I didn't remember.
Damon: 04:37 I see.
Denise: 04:38
