Welcome!

In this episode I borrow from a recent presentation I was invited to create for the "Demystifying Inflammation Summit", a free three day online event next week.

I talk extensively about the concept of a "zero sum game" and how it applies to our finite resources of time, attention, money and health. This is a concept borrowed from my course, unSandwiched, which is currently LIVE and 15% through end of September with coupon code FALL15.

Check out the Demystifying Inflammation Summit: CLICK HERE

Free Zero Sum PDF of the exercise today: CLICK HERE

Caveats:

• This is a judgement free zone
• There are no "shoulds" allowed, we live in curiosity
• Take what works well for you, leave the rest!
• This podcast is for informational purposes only; it is not intended as formal legal, financial or medical advice
• If you are finding value in this podcast, please share and leave a review so others can find it too!

Rebecca

Disclaimer: The information presented on this podcast is solely for information purposes. We do not provide medical, legal, financial, or other professional advice through this podcast and we are not responsible for any errors or omissions. It is your responsibility to seek advice from a licensed professional. Any actions you take are done at your own risk.

MacBook Air Microphone: Hello.

2

This is Rebecca.

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I am going to share.

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A presentation.

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I developed for an upcoming summit

called demystifying inflammation.

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It's run by another female

physician entrepreneur.

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Who's focused on.

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Allergy and inflammation type.

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Educational work.

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And I was lucky enough to be invited

to be part of the summit next week.

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And I am going to share the audio.

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Part of that summit with you here today.

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There is a PDF that I think

would help later in the podcast.

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You'll understand.

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There's a brief exercise.

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So I'm going to link to the

PDF here in the show notes.

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And also, if you're interested in

attending the summit, it is free.

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It starts next Monday on the 18th.

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And I will post a link for that as well.

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They've got a lot of great

speakers, lots of great topics.

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I think it's going to be really fun.

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MacBook Air Microphone-1:

Just as a quick summary.

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The topic I am looking at today is

what I call the zero sum game in life.

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I borrowed this from one part

of the module of the course, I

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wrote the N sandwiched course.

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And I wrote that in the context

of trying to understand.

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How to support other people in life

by first, starting to acknowledge zero

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some areas as sort of the baseline.

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And, and becoming really

honest and sober about that.

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And then working from that acknowledgement

versus trying to overextend and

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people please, and be everything to

everybody at all times in all ways.

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And just putting out.

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What I consider a framework to

conceptualize the various costs of any

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new obligation or responsibility or

new tasks that you take on in life.

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It's a neutral concept.

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It doesn't mean you should

or shouldn't do anything.

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But I think the brain tends to do better

when it has a framework to work from.

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And that is what I'm

going to review today.

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So I hope you enjoy.

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Thank you.

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How to Acknowledge the Zero Sum Game in Life:

Hello, everyone.

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Welcome to how to acknowledge

the zero sum game in life.

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I am your hostess, Rebecca Tapia.

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My hope with this topic in particular is

to just give you a practical framework to

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understand some of the stressors in life.

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Thank you.

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And how they fall into zero sum categories

of time, attention, money, and health.

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And we'll get through those

here in just a minute.

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Let me tell you a little bit about myself.

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So, like many of you, I have multiple

life roles that change over time.

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But I'm a mom, I have three children

other life roles that are important to me.

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I'm also a physician, a

brain injury specialist.

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And so I'm very interested in

how the brain operates and how it

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affects our lives and our health.

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In my undergraduate career, I was

a cultural anthropologist, so I'm

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always fascinated about how people

approach different life events or

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develop the beliefs that they have.

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In my spare time, I'm a podcaster and also

an avid college football fan, so this is

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a great time of year for me right now.

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So I have in my head of what, what's ideal

and I, you know, something you're always

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chasing after and, and I think of this

person that's completing all of their work

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and doing yoga while they're completing

the work and having a healthy diet and

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having plants that don't die and an

organized system and beautiful decorations

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on the wall and That this is sort of what

might be proposed as some ideal state.

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But mostly I live kind of in this state.

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And so that's just this feeling of being

pulled in a lot of different directions.

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There's not enough of me, not enough of

time or not enough attention to go around.

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The caveat to this is I don't

really cook, but if I did cook,

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it would be bacon and eggs.

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So that's good.

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And I also don't have a small infant.

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My children are...

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Our school age, but that said, I just.

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It's the number of inputs into my day

to day life, which is, you know, a car

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battery that died a few weeks ago, an

email that requires some urgent response.

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It's the beginning of school, so

it seems like there's always these

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deadlines and things that have to

have be registered by a certain time.

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And if I don't get in at midnight,

then they won't get into the chess club

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that they want to get into or whatever.

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And I just feel like there's

almost this milieu of tasks.

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And demands and every day I go

through, it's just some management

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of some set of demands on my, my

time or energy and, and that's

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really where some of this came from.

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And I started sharing this

idea or this framework with

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some friends and colleagues.

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And then later.

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When mentoring some medical residents as

a, as my way of developing an approach

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that seems systematic and seems relatable.

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And so, because this summit is focused

on inflammation, I know for me,

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there are downstream manifestations

of that mindset or that feeling.

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And for me, specifically, it's

headaches, it's upper trap pain,

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specifically on the left side.

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And then also just that feeling of fatigue

or low energy, something like that.

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And so, and interestingly, these symptoms

tend to manifest right when I'm switching

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those roles that we talked about.

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So if I'm at work all day and then I come

home and I'm sort of set shifting over

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into being a mom, and that seems to be

almost where these symptoms tend to flare.

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So if I track them over the course

of a day, that's what would happen.

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And this isn't outside of what science

understands, there are pathways for

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the stress in our mind and in our lives

to manifest elsewhere in our body.

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And that could be things like joint

pain, GI issues, things like that.

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So as a brain injury specialist,

somebody always interested in

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how the brain affects our lives.

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And this is also just a very important

topic for me and I'm really glad we

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have a chance to talk about it today.

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So, what are we actually going to do?

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So, what's the whole point of

me talking to you about this?

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So, I'm going to take these four areas

these four finite, zero sum areas, and

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first we're just going to talk about them.

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It's almost like we're going to put them

on the table, and we're going to define

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them, and we're going to become aware of

the finite nature of these four areas.

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And then we're going to take just

a little bit of time to audit them

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in your day to day life right now.

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And that's just becoming...

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Then not only becoming aware of it, but

then also putting some numbers or putting

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some data against it and understanding,

really demonstrating back to our brain

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that these areas really are finite.

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And then step three will be an

actualization exercise where we take

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these limitations and then put them in

the framework of where we want to move

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in our life, things that we want more

of and things that we want less of.

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So let's get started

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.

So the first one we're going to talk about is time.

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And I think everybody can pretty

much agree that time is zero sum.

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So you can sum 24 hours in a

day or seven days in a week or

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so many days in a, in a year.

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And that is tangible to us.

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This is something that is relatable

and is literally zero sum.

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That's why we're starting with this.

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And we have to acknowledge that

there's only so much of it.

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And so when I get a proposal to Sit on

a board or participate in a project.

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The first thing you usually think about is

just how much time is that going to take?

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So how many hours times,

how many weeks, et cetera.

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And so time is an investment in that way.

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And it's something that's easy to track.

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And so if you even look at just

how employment works for a lot of

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people, they literally have to submit.

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The time that they spent doing those

various things in order to get paid.

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And so if we look at a time audit,

this would not be hard to do, right?

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It might be diff it might be

embarrassing to do depending on who's

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watching you write it out, but...

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So, to me, it's like, what, how

much time do you spend sleeping or

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working or eating or vegging, right?

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Or driving in a certain day.

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So I'll do this for myself.

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So on most work days, I'm

probably sleeping seven hours.

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I'm working between eight and ten.

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Eating might be mixed in there.

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Maybe that's like an hour total a day.

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Vegging is probably way too much.

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Maybe two hours a day.

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And I don't mean productive time and then

driving, yeah, so maybe another two hours.

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And so I didn't add that up, but

the idea would be if I sat down

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next to you and I said, can you just

tell me if I give you 24 hours on a

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workday, what does that look like?

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Or maybe, maybe for you it's the weekend.

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So what does a weekend look like?

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And you could probably with, with

some reliability go through and

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tell me here's the zero sum of

time and how you use your time.

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What you're never going

to be able to tell me.

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Right, is that you had 28

hours in a 24 hour period.

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And so this is something that has the

cruel rules of zero sum because there

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is no way to create more time And that's

something that we can't take with us

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when we die is something that we can't

necessarily You know shrink or expand

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That said, there are ways that a lot of

us will spend money to buy more time.

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So if somebody helps you with

your lawn or takes an after school

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program after for your kids so you

can pick them up a little bit later.

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There are little tricks to be more

efficient within the 24 hour period.

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But for sure, time ends

up being a zero sum game.

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The next one is going to be money.

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Now, I know not for everybody listening

to this, or maybe some people that

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have unlimited independent wealth,

but for the vast majority of people,

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including myself, money is another thing.

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Now, it's not quite as relatable as time.

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Like, time is 24 hours a day, and

you might have more money one year,

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and then less money the next year,

or maybe your kids go to college,

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and your money spending changes.

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However, when I think about it as a

zero sum game, I mean this in so far as

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there's, there's so much money to be spent

on usually a lot of different things that

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put demands on that, on that resource.

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And you might say, Oh,

money is kind of weird.

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You can even just think of overall

resources money and including, you know,

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things like cars or something like that.

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But, but to me, it's more

practical to think in terms

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of there's only so much money.

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And so again, if I get asked to

do a project or participate in

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something, first it'll be, how

much time is it going to take?

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Second is, how much money

is it going to cost?

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And, and that's very that, that's the

initial breakdown of what the demands

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will be on my system, which is how, what

is the expenditure going to be here?

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Now you can also say the opposite.

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One of the reasons this is a

big stressor is that there can

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be unexpected demands on money.

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There can be...

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You know a car repair or a health, a

health bill or health related bill.

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So, so money is zero sum, and that

is one of the main stressors in

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adult life, which is that balancing

of this zero sum resource with.

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With known demands and then potential

future unknown demands as well.

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And so if I sat down next to

you and asked you to draw out a

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budget, which I won't, I promise.

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But here's just a quick example

of where is that money going?

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What, what, what's coming

in, what's going out?

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And you could show me where that, where

that zero sum money is being spent.

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And again, I don't mean that strictly,

like, you know, I mean, your bank

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sees it very strictly, right?

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So you have this much money,

you can spend this much.

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But, but this idea would be that if

I were to do an audit, or you were

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to do an audit on your budget, you

know, where is that money going?

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Where is that zero sum being spent?

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And the next one, and this one is a

little bit more controversial, and it's

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the idea of, is, is health zero sum?

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Is that something that you can create,

can it be debited and can it be credited

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over time, but is there a limit to it?

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And, and I can see it a lot of different

ways, but I love thinking of it as zero

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sum because it makes me Value it more.

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If I think that my health is unlimited,

that, Oh, I can be on, you know, I

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could be ill for this period of time

because it can always reclaim my health.

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Well, of course.

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As a physician, we see that that's

oftentimes not possible, but this idea

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that, that health is also zero sum.

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And so, again, if there's a new demand

in my life and I think, well, how much

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time is it going to take, how much

money is it going to take, and then

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what is it going to do with my health?

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And I think this is really interesting

because there's a pivot point here

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is you can spend time and money on

things that improve your health,

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but you could very easily spend

time and money on things that, that.

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Make your health worse and so thinking

of it again as another bank account, like

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my health account of I, Oh, I know I can

do this, but I'm going to have to stop,

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you know, that morning walk or I know I

can do this, but that's going to cause

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more difficulty with this particular

ailment and, and thinking of health

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really as a, as a currency that you have.

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And instead of putting it aside

and thinking, okay, well, I'm going

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to, I'm going to solve all of my

time issues and my money issues

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and then get to my health issues.

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It's, it, it existing as, as what I call

a dependent variable doesn't go very well.

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And that's, you know, going back to the,

the picture of the lady with the bacon

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and eggs and the baby and the cat, you

know, all that stuff, going back to this

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idea that we're meeting all of these

other demands, but then deprioritizing

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our health, but the health is finite.

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And, and although you can do things

to improve your health over time, it's

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still not something that can be debited.

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Indefinitely and continue to give you

a high quality of life or a positive

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experience So the way I think about

health is in a couple of different

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domains like think about it Can you

really spend your physical health?

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And I see this a lot so I'm a

rehabilitation physician in the specialty

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area of brain injury if somebody lays in

bed for three months, they're definitely

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a Spending their physical health, so

maybe they have a respiratory issue that's

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happening, and they have an extended

period of being on a ventilator, and

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in order to save their life from their

respiratory health, they're definitely

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spending down on their physical health,

and so once they recover from that, and

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they come to somebody like me to help

them rehabilitate, you can see that

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there's been a large debit of their

physical health that has to be almost

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like re You know, I guess more deposits

made through the, through physical

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rehab or through other modalities

to improve their overall energy.

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And so, and I don't think

health specifically is physical.

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I know we focus a lot on that.

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But I think it would also in terms

of your emotional health, which in

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these can be all tied together, right?

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Your, and I don't mean that in a specific

religious way, but, or your connection

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with nature, your social health, you're

participating in your community or

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spending time with friends or loved ones.

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And then also for a lot of

us, your intellectual health.

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And, and I mean that

do you feel challenged?

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Do you feel like you're growing and,

and really expanding in my brain, the

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definition of health and getting out of

The specific medical model, that health

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is very physical based, which I know

that's a large component of it, but really

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understanding my health holistically and

thinking in terms of, what's going to be

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the cost of my physical health, but then

also my spiritual health or social health?

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And I'll give you an example.

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So in my postpartum period, after I

had my first child, there's an obvious

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change in my physical health, right?

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Cause you just had a baby and there's

all the changes related to that.

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Yeah.

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But I experienced changes

in multiple other areas.

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So I dealt with a lot of anxiety I

was, I felt socially isolated because

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we just had this baby and all of my

friends were at work and I wasn't at

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work at the time and it was hard for

us to get out and go visit people.

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But really it wasn't until later that

I really looked back and I felt like.

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There were some expenses in the area

also, just my intellectual health.

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So how I was challenging myself

and I had stopped reading.

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I had stopped learning.

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I, I know you're just going to have to

sometimes when you're in that period, but,

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but going back and understanding, I really

just missed this idea of that academic

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engagement of that clinical engagement

and how much my brain had depended on

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that as part of my intellectual health.

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And I will say you know, that has

changed for me a lot over time.

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So part of the reason I wrote this and the

part of the reason I do what I do in, in

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my content development is that's really

stimulating for my intellectual health.

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So to think about different aspects.

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So think about it again, you can

break health into some areas.

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You might have some additional areas

here, but can you spin that down and

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what does that look like for you?

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So I saved this one for last

because I think it is by far.

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The most important thing and a lot of

people confuse time and attention as

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the same The same element in life and

they're really not and I'll and think

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about it like this so I can be spending

time Sitting with my child and they're

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doing homework, but I may not be spending

my attention and Think of it if I was

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to audit your time I would just hover

above you like a like a creepy third

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party Seeing what you do every day.

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So you spent this many

minutes brushing your teeth.

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You spent this many minutes

driving and getting gas.

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You spent this many minutes making

lunch, whatever it is, right?

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And so that creepy third party could

be hovering and put a report out about

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how you spent your time that day.

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What it can't do, just by

hovering, is understand where

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your attention was that day.

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Because where our attention

is, is way up here.

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And that's much more difficult to audit.

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Because we do a time audit and we think...

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That that is actually an

attention audit, and it's not.

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And I'm sure just talking about this,

you can think of a million other

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examples where you're physically

present or engaged in a certain task,

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but your attention is elsewhere.

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So I think attention is

more precious than time.

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And so what my kids think

they want is my time.

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They want me to come sit with

them, or do something with them.

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But what I think they really want,

and further, is my attention.

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And I know this because if I spend

time with them, but they don't have my

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attention, they're very aware of it.

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And, and attention is...

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It's so precious.

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Attention builds relationships.

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It builds careers.

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It, focusing your attention is like

this laser that can create large

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amounts of change in short periods

of time when that attention is

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focused on a very specific outcome.

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But when it's divided into 15

different things at all times, then

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attention starts to feel scarce and

that can start to create confusion.

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That scarcity and that difficulty

managing demands on our attention.

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I mean, the entire social media

universe is built on getting slivers

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of your attention, like microseconds

of your attention in different areas.

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And that is what people are

paying large amounts of money for.

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It's not necessarily to get your time.

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They know they're not going

to get your time, right?

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You're not going to spend

15 minutes watching one ad.

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But they want your attention to something

because attention is very powerful.

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That focuses the mind on that

for that one split second.

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And it is outsized in

its effect versus time.

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And so I, there are related,

obviously the time and attention

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are, are, are important.

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But I think of attention as, as the

most precious thing I give every day.

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Even more than my time.

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Because I can give time.

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But oftentimes I give time to

something, but my attention

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is not there, and I know it.

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And I'll even have tasks that I

do, thinking, Okay, well I'm going

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to show up and I'll do this, and

I'll spend time there, but I can

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actually think of problems that I'm

going to put my attention towards

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in my head, and then process those.

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Enough about exploring

the idea of attention.

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Let's take a little bit deeper.

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So when we look at the attention audit,

I just have a couple of different

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things here that I know my attention

goes to, but are very common just

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for adults in general, to have your

brain like, where does your brain

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go when it's otherwise not engaged?

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Right?

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So that could be work

related issues or stress.

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That could be your to do

list or your task list.

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That's always kind of hovering right

around you and never completely done

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the relationships that you have.

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So it's not as easy to do an

audit on your attention, right?

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Because I can't hover.

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Above you and tell you what

you're doing for all that time.

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It's really what's going

on in your own brain.

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And I think about it, like, where does

your brain go when it's disengaging?

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Does it wander over to work

related stress or tasks?

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Does it have a to do list

that never goes away?

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Is it worrying about an aging parent

or a relationship that's not right?

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Or, or having some difficulty?

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Is it worried about money and

some demands on, on your finances?

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And when it's going through all these

things, where does it wander back

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to when it doesn't want to engage?

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Is that social media?

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Is that TV?

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Or like, where else is

this attention going?

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Because really, the brain can

focus on one thing at a time.

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And wondering where that's going,

sort of doing that audit, is

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really only something you can do.

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Because again, somebody could physically

observe you sitting in a chair, but

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really where is that attention going to?

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And, and getting down into the

distribution of where this is,

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you could guess where it goes.

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So you could sit down

and do a 24 hour audit.

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But if you wanted to get really scientific

about it, you would go back and actually

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each hour go back and write down, where

did your attention go for that last hour?

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So that can be kind of work intensive.

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But The reason I harp so much on attention

is a lot of that attention the stressful

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intentions can go into the future.

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So what if this happens?

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What if this disease progresses?

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What if I don't have enough for XYZ?

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And so there's a lot of future

oriented attention and worry.

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And then there's a lot of past

oriented attention, which is

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like, that didn't go as well.

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Or maybe they didn't

like the way I said that.

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Or, if I would've done this,

maybe this would've happened.

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And either way, in a very, very

simple approach of understanding

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attention is it's drawn backwards

or forwards in the timeline.

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It will not be present now.

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It will not be present

to the present moment.

400

And so if I'm thinking about the time

where I'm spending that time with my

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kid and I'm spending time and air quotes

with them, but my attention is on my

402

job or the next thing I have to do, I am

for sure not participating in the now.

403

And so I'm just building up sort

of this attention expenditure on

404

all these things in the future

and all these things in the past.

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And it's continuously robbing

me of the one thing I actually

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have, and it is for sure.

407

Which is that attention at that moment.

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And so, again, coming away from

this understanding that the

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attention is the most precious

item that is in this zero sum game.

410

So you only have so much.

411

You can't create...

412

The only way you can create more attention

is to reduce some of these areas, right?

413

So I'm going to worry less

about my work related stress.

414

Well, now I've freed up some

attention to be here in the moment.

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And in the work that that takes.

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So thinking again of your time as

zero sum, your money as zero sum,

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your health as zero sum, and then

also your attention as zero sum.

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And I don't mean this in a way to

create scarcity, like, Oh, you've

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got to figure this out and be

better at spending these things.

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I think about it like taking a

step back and approaching new

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demands in your life and organizing

them into really understanding.

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What is this demand going

to do for my balance, right?

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Or my checking balance for time,

money, health, and attention.

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And then trending towards things that

improve those balances as a way, as

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a mechanism to help still that brain.

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And to help give a framework and to help

give a communication and a verbiage and a

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way to Take on things in life and filter

them through a, an understanding of that

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zero sum game so that we have a different

emotional and mental experience of life

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and through that the downstream effects

of stress and inflammation to improve.

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So I'm trying to get away from living

in the luggage on the top left, where

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I have no awareness of the capacity.

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Right, so I'm taking on time obligations,

or financial obligations, or things

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that I don't really characterize,

or I just do at the time because it

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sounds right, or maybe I'm people

pleasing, or doing something like that.

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But then my experience of

this luggage just doesn't fit.

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Because there's a zero sum to it.

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And the zero sum is not something

to fear or to try to change,

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even if we could, right?

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This idea is, it gives us...

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A limit, a framework, a reality to

understand and process new demands

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on ourselves in a different way

that helps us acknowledge us as an

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entire human being that does have

finite limitations in these areas.

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So then maybe you move towards

an experience in your life on

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the bottom, right, that kind of

luggage that's organized and.

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Honestly, with the graphic, who even

knows if there's anything in there?

446

But anyway, this idea that it's,

it's organized and there is space

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and there's a feeling of being more

free and nobody else has to change.

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And this equation, nothing else in the

world has to change except for the way

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that I'm processing this information,

the way that I am understanding new

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elements in life and really doing my best.

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to understand how they affect

these different areas of time,

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money, health, and attention.

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So what you'll see here on the left

is what I call the Actualization

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exercise, and so you're going to take

just a blank sheet of paper, You're

455

going to have a line across the

middle, you're going to draw a line

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from the top Left to the bottom right.

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And on the top left, things

I want more of in my life.

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On the bottom right, things

I want less of in my life.

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And then on the top right, you're

actually going to put some things

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we talked about that have zero sum.

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I have limited time, limited money, right?

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Limited attention and health.

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And what are some things that I'm

going to become intentional about?

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And in the framework of this, these

limitations, the zero sum games,

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what are things I can do more of

that I already have enough time for,

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that I already have enough money

for, that would improve my health?

467

So I put volleyball games, because

I love playing volleyball and

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watching my daughter play volleyball.

469

So I'm going to go to a

collegiate volleyball game.

470

Things I want less of.

471

Dog mess.

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So I'm still working on ways to get

my dogs to be cleaner in the house.

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Things I'm like, maybe in the middle

a fall garden, I'd like to have one.

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I don't know if I'm going to spend

the money on it, I don't know if

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I have the time or the attention.

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And then also things I definitely

need less of, Instagram.

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And I write this in here because

oh and I missed one, right?

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So, the, the line in the middle is

like, I think I have just enough.

479

I don't need more of it,

I don't need less of it.

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And that I put family

dinners, so once a month.

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The family that lives here

locally, we go and have a dinner.

482

I don't think it could be twice a month.

483

I also don't want it to be once a year.

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It's just about right.

485

So that's just to give an idea of

taking intention and understanding

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in a non judgmental way.

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What do I want more of?

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What do I want less of?

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And using a very simple exercise,

acknowledging the zero sum areas.

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How can I get...

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These areas aligned towards improving

my health or giving me in that zero

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sum estimate more time and attention.

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So if I spent less time on

Instagram, I would have more time

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and attention for my fall garden.

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And I use this because

I love visual exercises.

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I think they're very helpful for the

brain, specifically for when I'm trying to

497

engage or something that seems abstract.

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And so I call this the

more and less exercise.

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And that's in the context of

knowing, okay, I want to create

500

more health and I do it this way.

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And, and this will obviously change

over time, but this is, to me, the,

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the most simple way to go about and

force the brain to answer a different

503

question because if I keep asking

my brain, do I have enough time?

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My brain's always going to say no, right?

505

Should we spend money on this?

506

My brain's going to say no, right?

507

And I'm just not asking

good questions for my brain.

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And so with this exercise,

this, then actually giving it the

509

opportunity to engage in a way that's

practical and visual and you can

510

go back and change it over time.

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So I hope you enjoyed that exercise.

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And I hope you enjoyed this

very brief presentation.

513

I'm so glad that you stuck with it.

514

And I hope that it reframes just

the next thing that happens today.

515

And understanding and gaining that

awareness of these limitations.

516

Of that zero sum as an empowering thing.

517

To know, okay, that's

what my job is in life.

518

This is my responsibility to

manage these areas the best I can.

519

And make them reflect what my

values are, what my goals are.

520

Things I want more of, things I want

less of, once I've gotten clear on that.

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So we went through the awareness of

these four areas, we talked about

522

doing some audits in these areas,

and then as we just spoke about the

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actualization through that exercise.

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I appreciate you being here.

525

Thank you so much for allowing

me to share this with you.

526

I hope it was helpful.

527

If so, please find me on

social media or on the podcast.

528

I'd love to hear from you again.

529

Thanks for your attention.

530

And here's to more attention

for you in the future.

531

Thank you so much.