Join host Mari Wagner on the Ever Be Podcast as she goes into the all things engagement, offering real-life insights and actionable advice for preparing for a Christ-centered marriage. Mari addresses the joys and challenges of engagement, family dynamics, wedding logistics, practicing chastity, and building a strong support system. This episode offers practical tips for planning a meaningful wedding mass and encourages listeners to deeply grow in faith during this sacred time. Perfect for engaged women and those yearning for a faith-driven approach to their upcoming marriage.

Resources for Engagement

Beloved Marriage prep series on Formed - https://watch.formed.org/beloved-finding-happiness-in-marriage

Better Together Dynamic Catholic Marriage Prep - https://www.dynamiccatholic.com/marriage-preparation.html?srsltid=AfmBOope2wFL3nrmWxeKwzqH6PJMQ62amfM5ZYET47heNGoPwCWJqzH4

Emily Wilson Navigating Engagement Course - https://series.emilywilsonministries.com/courses/navigating-engagement

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Episode Sponsors

Every Sacred Sunday - Click Here to get your Mass journal and use code "EVERBE10" for 10% off your order!

WCC Eden Set - Shop Here

Mentionables - www.shopmentionables.com/MARI10 and use code "MARI10" for 10% off your order!

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Hey, I'm your host, Mari Wagner,

and you're listening to the ever be

2

podcast where faith meets lifestyle.

3

I'm so excited you're here, whether you're

a new listener or a longtime follower,

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I know there's something here for you.

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Pull up a chair and listen in for

insightful real life conversations

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and actionable steps on how to claim

the full life God created you for.

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If you're a woman desiring to live

a Christ centered life in today's

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modern world, then this is for you.

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Welcome to Ever Be.

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mari-wagner_2_10-29-2024_083441: Hey

friends, welcome back to ever be.

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I am coming to you from Dallas today.

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I'm here for the week with my

new West coast Catholic team.

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We have a few new employees that we're

training and for training week, I have

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to present a lot into a lot of talking.

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And so I am going Sort of feel

like my voice is a little bit raspy

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and, um, I might lose it today.

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I hope I don't cause it's only day two

and I have to be talking and presenting

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all the way through Friday and it's

literally only Tuesday right now.

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So if you want to say a little

prayer for me, that'd be great.

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Um, but also hopefully my mic will

pick up my voice cause I can't talk too

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loudly and I hope it's not too raspy.

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So.

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Just a little fair warning

there, but we are chatting about

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engagement to season today.

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If you are preparing for marriage,

engage, you know, maybe you're

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going to be engaged soon.

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This episode is going to be for you.

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We're going to be unpacking what it really

looks like to be in an engagement season

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as a Catholic and Christian woman, the

ups and downs, everything in between.

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I'm going to be sharing some of my

personal experience in my season of

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engagement, and then just some tips

and thoughts that I have about how

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you can best prepare and really just

live this season well with the Lord.

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Because the truth is that the season

can be filled with so much joy and

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excitement and celebration, but also

there's going to be some hardship.

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There's going to be some challenges.

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And the unexpected might happen,

and I'm just going to say that

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right out from the beginning.

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There's no one way that

engagement is going to go.

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It's going to look very

different for different people.

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For some people, it might be exactly

what you expected, but to be honest,

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I don't have a single friend who has

experienced that yet, so it also might

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not be what you expect in some ways.

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Um, but like I said, there's going to

be both joys and challenges, and we're

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going to dive into all of that today.

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And I hope that you can walk away

after this episode, feeling like you

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can fully embrace this season and

prepare for a Christ centered marriage.

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And so let's dive in.

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Engagement is a sacred time.

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Truly.

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It's more than just planning a wedding,

even though that's what I feel like

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the culture really focuses on today.

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And what it's really easy to fall into is

the Pinterest board, the guest list, um,

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all the arrangements for the reception.

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And don't get me wrong.

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It's a really big part of engagement.

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And if you're having a big

wedding, it does require a

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lot of time and preparation.

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And so do give it the due time that

is needed, but there's so much more

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that we need to talk about and pay

attention to during this season.

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Because bottom line is that it's about

preparing for your vocation of marriage,

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a lifelong commitment rooted in faith

and virtue and love and sacrifice.

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So in this season, God is not just

calling us to grow in relationship with

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our fiance, but also grow closer to

him because he's the source of love.

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He's the source of virtue and

the source of faith that we're

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going to draw from in marriage.

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And I just want to encourage you to

embrace the season of engagement.

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And I say embrace, because

like I said earlier, there's

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a lot that's going to happen.

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And I want you to let go of the urge

of rushing through the messy parts

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and just focusing on the pretty parts.

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The reality is what I learned, at

least in my engagement season and

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what it's been like walking with a

few close friends in their engagement

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seasons as well, is that there is no

one way that engagement should be, and

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this was a misconception I had because

I am your classic like girly girl.

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I dreamed about my wedding growing up.

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I had the Pinterest board, you know,

in middle school and high school,

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and I watched all the rom-coms.

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Growing up.

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And I still basically

only watch rom com movies.

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So I had this image in my head of what

engagement looks like because in the

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movies, if you're a fellow rom com girly,

although we are supposed to know that

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the movies aren't real, but I don't know.

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I guess I ended up here.

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Anyways, if you're a rom com girly,

you know that in the movies, it's

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so exciting when the girl gets

engaged, she's been waiting, you

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know, for him to pop the question.

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He finally does.

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They're static.

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The families are celebrating

unless it's father, the bride.

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And in that case, that's

a hilarious movie.

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And.

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I can relate to a lot of that.

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My father is very protective over me.

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But regardless, most of the

movies, everybody's excited, right?

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People are celebrating the bride.

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There's all this like beauty

and planning the wedding.

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You know, you see all the like

montage videos of them going to

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try on the dress and everything.

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Pick out cake and flowers and

work with the wedding planner.

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And it's just bliss.

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It just looks like pure bliss and joy.

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And like everybody is your

biggest like hype team around you.

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Just so excited that you're

getting married and ready

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to support you in any way.

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Now that was not my experience of

engagement and maybe it's not yours too.

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If you're in it right now.

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Or maybe you have this same idea in your

head that this is how it's going to be.

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And I just want to prepare you.

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I just want to share with you the

reality of what it is so that you have

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just more knowledge going into it.

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Um, and maybe yours is

going to be like that.

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And honestly, I mean, I pray that

it is, I mean, I pray that it's just

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amazing, but also I will say the

challenges of engagement did prepare us

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in a way for Marriage and did prepare

us in a way to, um, leave our family

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and join together to be one, right?

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When you're getting married, you

are leaving your family and you are

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creating your own, which means that

there's a new level of authority of

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responsibility and of maturity that you

need to be able to enter into marriage.

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And the unique challenges that come

with this season can truly bring you

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and your fiance together and strengthen

your relationship if you let them.

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So let's talk about this idea of what

engagement should be like and what I

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mean by this phrase of like, it shouldn't

be like anything because everybody's

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engagement is going to be different.

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Like I said, in the movies and in

the media, you often see like this

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picture, perfect vision of engagement.

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And we end up thinking that

this is what it should be like.

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And then when our engagement isn't

like that, there's disappointment and

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resentment about why it's not the way

that we thought it was going to be.

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The reality is that life is messy.

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Life is always messy.

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It's never perfect.

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And I think that we all know that as a

general rule, we all know life is messy.

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Life is life.

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Things happen.

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But then all of a sudden, when

engagement comes around and our wedding

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comes around, it's like, We're not

prepared for life to be messy anymore.

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We're prepared for everything

to work out for this season.

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And we just have to remember that

engagement is just another part

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of life and life is messy and

there's challenges that come up

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and, you know, bumps in the road.

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And so the same thing is going

to happen in your engagement,

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likely in one way or another.

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For me, it was family dynamics.

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We got engaged in college

and we're planning to get

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married right after college.

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And for our parents, mostly mine, it

was a big thing to wrap their head

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around that their daughter is going to

get married straight out of college.

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Now, this fear for them was

rooted in, they had me at a very

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young age, um, unexpectedly.

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My mom was, uh, got

pregnant when she was 19.

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My dad was 21 in college and at

the time they were obviously not

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really preparing to have a child.

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They ended up getting pregnant with me and

actually got married three years later.

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I was the flower girl at their wedding.

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So that's something little

girls don't usually get to brag

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about and something that I would

always brag about to everybody.

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But anyways, so my parents had

this experience, their own personal

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experience of a lot of trying moments

Of becoming parents really young

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before they were ready and entering

into marriage during a time where

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they weren't necessarily expecting it.

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With that came a lot of financial

hardships at the beginning of their

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marriage, a lot of growing up really fast

and maturing really fast because you just

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had to, because now they had a daughter

to take care of and provide for, and now

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they had a marriage that they were willing

to commit to and work to make work.

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However, that wasn't my situation

when I was getting married at 23.

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I was in a much different place in

my faith, maturity wise, I had a

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job lined up and had plans for the

future, all things that my parents

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didn't have at the age they were at,

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when they were having

children and getting married.

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And so, That personal experience from

my parents side played a role in our

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engagement season because there were

a lot of fears we had to talk through

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with them and a lot of concerns they

had about getting married young and

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the struggles that came with it.

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And in their words, we didn't struggle

and come to America because my

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parents are immigrants from Columbia.

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Um, Um, you know, we didn't come to

America, we didn't sacrifice all these

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things for you to just go through

the same struggles in their mind.

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They wanted me to be financially ready

to have a career, to do things a little

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bit slowly when I was older, you know?

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Um, and I had to really have

a lot of hard conversations.

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With them and with Trey and all of

us together about if we were really

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ready for marriage to really show

them why we really believed that we

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were, and the proof in our prayer and

our spiritual lives that the Lord was

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calling us to enter into our vocation.

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And that we were trusting that the

Lord was preparing us step by step

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and that the Lord was currently

preparing us to be engaged.

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And engagement is that time

of preparation for marriage.

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And so no, we were not ready

for marriage the day that we got

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engaged because we were not ready.

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Getting married.

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The day that we got engaged, we were

ready for engagement and the season of

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engagement helped us to prepare for the

day that we said, I do on the altar.

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You may also be having some

interesting family dynamics in

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this time of engagement season.

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Maybe you have siblings that Are in

a relationship or maybe are older

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than you and imagine that they

would be getting married before you.

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And that's kind of a hard dynamic, or

maybe your parents like mine aren't really

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ready to let go of their kids yet and have

fears about you getting married young, or

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maybe you have a difficult family, right?

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Maybe you come from a difficult

or broken family relationships.

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Maybe your parents are divorced, or

there's different broken relationships

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with different family members.

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That's going to make this season

of engagement really hard or

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painful or trying, um, as you're

planning and preparing for marriage,

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There may be disagreements and hard

conversations about the wedding budget.

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Maybe your family is willing to help you

in some way providing financially for

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the wedding, maybe they're not, and maybe

having the conversations about who's

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paying for what is going to be a little

bit tense or uncomfortable depending

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on what conversations around money and

budgeting, um, your family normally has.

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Or maybe your family is going to

be your biggest support system,

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and maybe this isn't where things

are going to be a little bit bumpy.

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Maybe your family is so

excited for you to get married.

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They love your fiance.

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They're going to help you financially if

they're able to and take some stress off

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of you of having to pay for the wedding.

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And maybe they're going to be just

Super helpful during wedding planning

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and just be your biggest cheerleaders.

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And again, I hope that that's the case.

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I hope that there's no stress that

comes from your family relationships

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because I know how hard that can be,

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but in case it is, I just wanted to share

an honest and just open reality of what

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my experience was like so that you know

that if this is you, you're not alone.

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And it's common for there to be

interesting and hard conversations

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with your family throughout this time.

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Next, the whole logistics of

wedding planning in general

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can get a little chaotic.

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Sometimes the logistics can

feel really overwhelming.

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There can be a lot of details

that you're trying to iron out,

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maybe in a short amount of time.

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If you have a short engagement or

maybe in a more ample amount of time,

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if you have a long engagement, either

way, planning a wedding is no joke.

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There's a lot to take care of.

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And a lot of the times there's a lot

of opinions to take into consideration.

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Maybe your mom is helping you and

she has opinions about how your

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wedding should be like, or what she

thought your wedding would be like.

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Maybe your grandma has opinions.

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Maybe your mother in law has opinions.

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Maybe.

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Your friends or your fiance

have differing opinions.

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Either way, there's a lot of people who

are going to want to share what they

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feel like your wedding should be like.

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And in the end, I want to remind you

that it's your wedding and you get to

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invite whoever's opinion you value and

you feel will be most helpful to you in

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making decisions for wedding planning.

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The personal take that I took was

to allow my mom and my mother in

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law to help guide me throughout

the wedding planning process.

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And ultimately I wanted to have that

final say on different preferences that

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I had, but I was really open and welcome

to my mother in law and my mom's, Advice

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and guidance during wedding planning.

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One, because we were very fortunate

to have our parents support us

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financially for the entire wedding.

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And so our both of our parents just split

the cost of the wedding evenly in train.

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I felt like we wanted

to respect that gift.

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They were giving us of paying for

the wedding and allowing them to

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have a little bit of a say on what

they wanted the food to be like, or

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what they thought of the reception or

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who was going to be on the guest list

and how big the guest list was going

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to be because in the end they were

throwing a party for their children

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and celebrating their marriage.

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Now they also wanted to respect our

decision and our desires because they

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knew this was a celebration of For

our marriage and for our wedding.

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And so there was a lot of mutual respect

there in planning the wedding together.

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And ultimately I did feel like they

allowed me to have the final say on

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different preferences because they

wanted it to be my dream wedding.

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And I will say this a lot of the times the

bride is the one that has more particular

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desires and dreams of their wedding.

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Do include your.

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fiance though., I made sure to go

through things with Trey and to

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include him in the wedding process,

um, and choosing different things.

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And it was funny to see what

were the things that he was more

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particular about, what were the

things that he didn't care much about.

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And in the end, he also was very

easygoing and was like, if you really

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want something, I want you to have it.

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I'm not going to be as picky.

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Um, so that's just a note too.

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Keep your fiance included.

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I think he should be a part of it.

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And I think that he should have a say

in that you guys should discuss a lot

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of things together and it shouldn't

just be you picking everything by you.

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I'm just assuming you're a woman listening

because most of my listeners are women.

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So as the bride to be, you should have

a lot of say, but I think it's also

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really important to help your fiance

be a part of it and be involved and

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have a say in a few things Because

in the end, it's also his wedding day.

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Now, there might be a lot of challenges

that come with planning the wedding,

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like I said, and a lot of stress.

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And I want you to just know,

that it's okay to delegate tasks

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and delegate responsibility.

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You may feel like you want

to do it all yourself.

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And honestly, I'm just going

to tell you straight up.

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You don't want to do it all yourself.

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You definitely want to split

the work with other people.

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And the best way to do this is if you

have a vision for something, maybe make

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a Pinterest board for that certain thing,

or write it down or describe it, and then

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hand that Point person, the vision, right?

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If your sister is going to help

you with the flowers, maybe

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you want to hand that off.

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And you're like, Hey sis, here

are the pictures of flowers

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that I have really loved.

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Here's a vibe that I want.

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If you have a budget hand over the

budget and then be like, go, you know,

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find different florists, get price

points, come back to me with them.

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We'll talk about if it fits in the

budget, if it's worth it or not.

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And then talk to the florist,

give them my vision and see if

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it's possible for them to do it.

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And then we'll go from there.

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Something like that.

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Something where you can delegate.

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a task, but you can still

hand over their vision.

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They can kind of do more of the admin

work and then come back to you with

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some options for you to make the final

decision is really, really helpful.

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Finally, another challenge I want

to address is the topic of chastity.

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Engagement brings you even closer to your

fiance and strengthens your connection,

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your love, your relationship so much that

practicing chastity gets really hard.

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It's so natural and good for your love

to deepen and strengthen and for you

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to continue to have this attraction to

your fiance because in the end that's

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what you're working towards, right?

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To be one with each other in marriage.

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And it gets really hard to continue

to practice chastity because

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you have found the one, right?

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You found the person, you know,

who you're going to marry.

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Hopefully you've been saving yourself

for marriage and practicing chastity.

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And now, you know, he's

going to be your husband.

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And so it's really easy to be like, well,

I know this man's going to be my husband,

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so we're just going to give in because

eventually we're going to be married

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and I really, really urge you to Not do

that to continue to practice chastity to

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continue to strengthen each other and be

a support for each other when one maybe

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is struggling or having a weaker moment

to be the one that encourages each other

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and says No, we're not going to do this.

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We are going to draw a boundary.

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We are going to cool off.

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We are preparing for marriage and the

Lord wants to strengthen our virtue and

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our will in this way, and it's going

to bring us closer in the long run.

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And I promise you an outpouring of graces

is going to come on your wedding day,

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if you've really practiced chastity

throughout your engagement season.

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The Lord absolutely will reward

your sacrifice and your waiting.

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So you need to continue building

self discipline and boundaries

337

in your relationship so that you

both are committed to chastity.

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Lean on prayer and pray for

the grace to be strong in this

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area and have God's grace.

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Open communication with each

other of where you're struggling

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or where you're being tempted or

what boundaries need to change in

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order to help you guys stay chased.

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Different things I recommend

is don't be in each other's

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bedrooms with the door closed.

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If you want to be in each other's

bedrooms, make sure that there are

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people home and the door is open.

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Um, I would say don't

hang out on your bed.

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Having a curfew is also really helpful

if there's a time at night, maybe 10

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or 1030 when you're like, okay This

is when we have to say goodbye because

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we know after 1030 we get really tired

And then we just want to cuddle and

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then that leads to making out and

that leads to everything else, right?

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Knowing yourself knowing your temptations

Knowing your boundaries and choosing

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a boundary that is actually going to

help you thrive is going to be really

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helpful and lean on confession as well.

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Like I said, this time of

engagement is not perfect.

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You're likely not going

to be perfect in chastity.

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And that's okay because when we send,

we have the beautiful opportunity

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to go to confession and receive

the redemption of the Lord and the

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forgiveness and absolution of the Lord.

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And so continue to go back to

confession and encourage each

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other to seek that sacrament.

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If you are needing it in this time.

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But don't use it as a crutch.

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Don't just use it as something that

you can fall back on so that you can,

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you know, cross the line and go too

far and then just be like, it's fine.

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We can go to confession.

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That's not true love.

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True love won't send

you to the confessional.

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You guys.

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Okay.

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I know it's really hard to wait, but

I want to encourage you to continue.

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rooting for each other to get to heaven,

to continue pushing each other and

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encouraging each other to be holy and to

welcome the Lord into your relationship

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and allow him to take first priority.

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, And when we are choosing to let

our desires override what the Lord

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is calling us to do, we're really

choosing ourselves and our selfishness

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and our fleshly desires over the

will of God and how he wants us to

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live a Christ centered relationship.

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And essentially, we're choosing ourselves

over our spouse because we're selfishly

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grasping at this thing for our selfish

desires instead of really willing and

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choosing the holiness of our partner.

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So ask the Lord to give you the

grace if you're struggling in this

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area, because I promise you he will.

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And if you need an accountability

partner, a friend or something who you

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can confide in and share like, Hey,

I'm really struggling in this area.

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Can you check in on me

every once in a while?

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Or can you make sure that my door's open?

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If you're have a roommate or something

like that, that's really helpful too.

389

Next, I want to talk about building

a really solid support system through

390

your engagement and for your marriage.

391

This includes having maybe a family

member or a few family members who

392

you have a great relationship who

are going to give you the best advice

393

and help you through wedding planning

and maybe just talking through any

394

questions you have about marriage,

any doubts that you have, or just

395

anything that you're wrestling through.

396

I want you to also make sure that you

have a solid priest that's walking you

397

through marriage prep and maybe even a

mentor couple that you trust and that

398

again, you can learn from of how to have

a Christ centered marriage and then I

399

want you to have, uh, solid bridesmaids.

400

Now there's different ways

to pick your bridesmaids.

401

And I would say that the way I picked

mine, I don't regret and they love all

402

the ladies that were in my wedding, but

I might take a different approach now

403

if I were to be getting married today.

404

So at the time when I got engaged

and when I was getting married, I

405

picked women who were, We're really

close friends of mine, right?

406

My best friends, my sister

and people that had just been

407

important friends in my life.

408

So I had my best friend from high

school growing up, another really

409

close friend from high school.

410

I had my best friends from

college and my sister.

411

And then I also had my sister in laws,

my two sister in laws be a part of my

412

wedding party, um, because I really love

them and I really wanted to grow close to

413

them and honor them as my future sisters.

414

It's not required, um, to have your

sister in laws be your bridesmaids, but I

415

personally loved having them in my party.

416

Like I said, to grow closer to

them and to really just include

417

them in this whole celebration.

418

Um, as I already was building a great

relationship with them and I really

419

wanted to honor them as my future sisters.

420

In the end, I want to encourage you to

pick people who are going to show up for

421

your marriage, not just for your wedding.

422

There are certain bridesmaids that

I don't talk to anymore at all.

423

And not necessarily because anything

bad happened, but just because as

424

you grow older, relationships change.

425

And sometimes you distance yourself

from different people just because

426

that's the natural course of adulthood

and relationships as you move away

427

and turn to different seasons of life.

428

Now, That's okay.

429

If there's people in your life that

are really important to you now that

430

you feel like aren't necessarily

going to show up in the future.

431

If they're really important to you

now, and if it would be maybe harmful

432

to the relationship, if you didn't

include them and you want to include

433

them, go ahead and include them.

434

Bottom line is include

who you want to include.

435

But my biggest piece of advice is to

make sure that you have people in your

436

bridesmaids and your groomsmen, just

in your bridal party in general that

437

are going to show up for your marriage.

438

Women that are faithful and rooted in

Christ and going to give you the best

439

advice for a Christ centered marriage.

440

When you come to them in the

middle of marriage and you're

441

like, I don't know how to handle

this, or I'm struggling with this.

442

Or can you point me to the truth

of the Lord in this situation?

443

People that you want to make

sure that you, have people

444

like that in your bridal party.

445

Because marriage, although beautiful,

we all know comes with its own hardships

446

and challenges and it is very stretching

and sometimes it's very helpful to have

447

people that are faithful and rooted

in the Lord in your corner, that will

448

help you show you what the truth is

and what the Lord says as you work

449

through different things in marriage.

450

And let's remember that you're

preparing for the marriage, right?

451

You're not just preparing for the wedding.

452

And so this is why I want you

to have a super solid priest for

453

wedding prep, um, and marriage prep.

454

And I know that this

can sometimes be hard.

455

I have heard a lot of varying,

um, Opinions and comments and

456

reviews on different diocese,

uh, marriage prep programs.

457

And so unfortunately there is not like

across the board, a consistent way that

458

Catholic couples at least are getting

prepared for marriage throughout the

459

country and probably throughout the world.

460

And so if the prep programs

around you, you feel like aren't

461

really great or Really solid.

462

I encourage you to find

supplemental content that you

463

guys can work through on your own.

464

So we had a really unique marriage

prep situation when we were engaged

465

because we got engaged December of

466

was 2020 and the world shut down.

467

And so we met with our

priest for engagement or not

468

engagement for marriage prep.

469

I think.

470

Twice and then the world shut

down and then he just Gave us a

471

link to the series we were working

on and he was like Go ahead.

472

You got it.

473

And we basically did our own marriage

prep all by ourselves the Series that we

474

worked through was the formed marriage

prep series, which is called Beloved.

475

Um, I believe I know that there's

like another few words that go

476

after it, like finding happiness

in your marriage or something like

477

that, or building a happy marriage.

478

Um, but it's called beloved and

it's found in the formed platform.

479

And those were the videos that

our priest was going to go

480

through us for marriage prep.

481

And that included watching the video.

482

And I think there's worksheets

with specific reflection questions

483

and discussion questions and

activities to do together.

484

We went through that one

and there was a lot of good

485

discussions that came from that.

486

However, we also were recommended another

program by Dynamic Catholic called Better

487

Together, which I really, really loved.

488

We only did about half of it because

we had already done marriage prep and

489

we got carried away with other things.

490

But I really encouraged that one.

491

I think what, from what I remember, The

videos that we watched and the workbook

492

that comes with it was a lot more

dynamic and a lot more relatable and

493

easily digestible and also had really

good conversations that it brought up in

494

Trey and I during our engagement season.

495

So again, I encourage you if they're,

if the marriage prep program in your

496

diocese isn't great, if their engagement

retreat that you have to go on isn't

497

great, please find someone Supplemental

material to have those conversations.

498

So many important conversations are needed

to be had during the engagement season.

499

And if you're not having them, it's

going to make the first few years of

500

marriage harder because things are going

to come up that you weren't prepared

501

for, or that you feel blindsided by.

502

And it's really, really good

to have these conversations

503

during the engagement season.

504

It strengthens your relationship

so much and it just establishes

505

a deeper foundation of trust

and openness with each other.

506

Topics that are Talked about, for example,

are, um, opinions on how you should

507

run your family finances, um, desires

on the children and building a family.

508

When you want to do that, how many you

want to have, um, openness to life in

509

general discussions about pornography.

510

Is that something that you've

struggled with in the past or

511

your partner has struggled with

or is currently struggling with?

512

How are you working through that?

513

How are you working to break that

sin and be free from that in and make

514

sure that it's not a part of your

marriage, um, past relationships or

515

wounds from past relationships or

family dynamics of how you grew up.

516

All these, um, just heavier

conversations are going to come

517

up during this marriage prep time.

518

And if you have a solid priest that's able

to guide you through it, that's amazing.

519

And if not, make sure that you're

finding a program that's going to

520

help you have these conversations

and guide you through them.

521

And then there's NFP.

522

And I want to say a quick note on this.

523

Don't wait to learn nfp.

524

We started learning nfp like a few

months after we got engaged I literally

525

did an fp for like 10 months before

we got married because we had a long

526

engagement And so we had ample time

to really understand the nfp method We

527

were learning we learned the creighton

method and feel really confident in how

528

to use it in marriage both to avoid And

to achieve pregnancy And so I encourage

529

you to start early to find an instructor

in a method that you really trust.

530

Personally, I am the biggest

advocate for the Creighton program.

531

I know it's really popular

nowadays to use Marquette because

532

it has the little machine.

533

And personally, I don't recommend

that you just do that, especially

534

when you're starting out.

535

Um, because.

536

You don't learn as much

as you do in Creighton.

537

When you learn the Creighton method,

you look for markers in your body

538

that tell you where you are in

different parts of your cycle.

539

And you learn so much about your cycle as

a woman, as well as Your fiance learned

540

so much about your cycle as a woman.

541

So Trey wouldn't know what he knows today

about my cycle and our fertility as a

542

whole and how cycles and fertility works.

543

If we hadn't done Creighton and I

wouldn't feel as confident in knowing

544

my cycles and knowing my body as

well, if I hadn't done Creighton.

545

And if I just had a machine, tell me.

546

Where I, like, if it, if my

fertility is high or low and, and

547

that's it, you know what I mean?

548

So, highly encourage you to start early,

um, to learn the method so that you

549

can feel really, really comfortable and

solid in what you're going to be doing,

550

either achieving or avoiding pregnancy.

551

And I also just want to say a quick

note about just the whole decision

552

of if you're going to try for

kids right away or not, this is a

553

really touchy and um, controversial

subject in the Catholic world.

554

I feel like, right.

555

And a lot of people have a lot of

opinions on this and truly what the

556

church teaches is that we should

be open to life in our marriage.

557

Basically you should not

be entering into marriage.

558

If you know for a fact that you

are not ready to have children.

559

And if you know for a fact that if you had

a child, There would be a grave situation.

560

Now, if you have fears about having

children, that's completely normal.

561

And I would say having this,

these fears, isn't necessarily the

562

reason to call off an engagement.

563

If you, if you feel the Lord is really

calling you to that in this time,

564

but it is really important that you

work through those with the spiritual

565

director and with your fiance.

566

So by the time you're saying, I

do, You feel more confident in the

567

possibility of bringing children

into your family at any time.

568

Now I will say that reasons why a couple

will abstain and wait to have children

569

is going to be different for each family.

570

And the church guides us and tells

us that there should be really a

571

grave matter for putting that off.

572

And that can look different

for every family, financial

573

things, emotional things.

574

Whether it be financial or

emotional or whatever it is.

575

What may be grave to one family

may not be grave to another.

576

And I really encourage you to make this

decision together with the Lord in prayer,

577

allow the Lord to speak into this, um,

and then find a spiritual director.

578

I can't tell you how helpful it is.

579

To be honest, you guys, the first

few months of marriage, I was

580

afraid to have kids and I am someone

who has always wanted to be a mom

581

and has always desired children.

582

For some reason, there was

this certain fear that I had.

583

And at first I thought I wanted to wait

a while and through spiritual direction

584

through my engagement season in those

early months of marriage I was able to

585

uncover certain wounds that needed healing

that my spiritual director was able to

586

pray through and uh through that and a

certain retreat that I went to Was able

587

to find healing in these old childhood

wound areas in my heart and in my soul

588

That all of a sudden lifted this fear

and anxiety off of my heart In a few

589

months into marriage, I think it was like

Eight months into marriage, we were like,

590

yeah, we are ready to have children.

591

We really want to have children and we've

been trying to have children ever since.

592

And if you follow me on Instagram,

you know that I share openly that

593

we're struggling with infertility.

594

So pray for us if you ever have a moment

to, um, that we'd be able to have a

595

family and conceive, um, children one day.

596

But all I'm trying to say is that it's

totally normal for you to have fears.

597

And so much happens in those first few

months of marriage, where if you have

598

certain hesitations or fears that you're

working through, the graces of marriage

599

and working with a spiritual director

are abundant and will change your heart.

600

Um, and in the end, bottom line, you

want to be open to children whenever

601

the Lord calls you to have them.

602

Okay.

603

Last thing I want to talk about is

in this time of planning for your

604

wedding, focus on planning the mass.

605

I think this part is so overlooked by

couples where we get so caught up in

606

the florals and the colors and the food

and the, just the design of everything.

607

And the mass is.

608

A lot of the times, one of the last

things people look at are one of the

609

things that people speed through the most.

610

And I think if you're Catholic, it's

easy to do this because the church gives

611

you certain readings to pick from for

your first, second, and gospel readings.

612

Um, you don't just get to pick any book

of the Bible or any passage in the Bible.

613

They have certain ones

that are for weddings.

614

So I think it can be easy to just be

like, Oh, it's already done for us.

615

We just have to pick one

really quick and that's it.

616

And I'll tell you, our

mass was my favorite.

617

Favorite part of the entire day.

618

And we spent the most time planning

that, that part of our day and the

619

feedback that we got from our guests,

our family and friends was that it

620

was truly one of the most heavenly

masses that they were a part of.

621

And I believe it's because we put

so much thought and meaning into

622

the things that we picked out

to really make the mass our own.

623

We read through all of the

different readings at the church

624

provided for the wedding mass.

625

We picked out a few that we felt

like resonated with us more,

626

and then we prayed through them.

627

We prayed Lectio Divina through

these different passages together

628

and discussed what we felt like

the Lord was saying in prayer, what

629

resonated with us, what message we

wanted to bring into our marriage or

630

share with our family and friends.

631

And that's how we picked the readings.

632

We did the same things with the Psalms.

633

And then when it came to the songs in

the music, that sounded really similar.

634

We did the same things

with the Psalms, right?

635

From scripture.

636

And then the songs, S O N G S, we picked,

um, Also with a lot of intention, and

637

this is also going to vary depending on

what church you're getting married in.

638

Some churches have really strict rules

about what kind of music you can have.

639

Some only have very traditional organs

and maybe like string instruments.

640

Um, some have more flexibility and

allow you to pick your own, um,

641

cantor maybe and pick your own songs.

642

Luckily, um, we had a lot of

flexibility in the parish we were

643

getting married in, and we chose some

of our favorite praise and worship

644

songs to be, um, throughout our mass.

645

And it just brought this beautiful element

of like, charismaticness that we love

646

in our faith, um, into the mass with

a very traditional way of doing mass,

647

um, and a really traditional homily.

648

It just kind of blended all these

parts of our faith that we love and

649

it allowed the mass to be really

reverent and beautiful, as well as

650

allowing us through the songs to have

a space for more of that free praise

651

and worship that we all really love.

652

I'm telling you, there were people in

the crowd, you know, with their hands

653

up, we were just like, Belting and I

was just like eyes closed, just like

654

praising the Lord through these songs.

655

Um, if you want any inspiration on

those, I think I have it linked in

656

my wedding highlight or something.

657

Um, I'll link it in the show notes too.

658

I have a Spotify playlist with all

the songs we used in our wedding mass.

659

And the name of the playlist

is the date of our wedding.

660

Oh, three 1321.

661

Um, so I'll link it in the show

notes if you want any inspo,

662

because I'm really biased, but I.

663

I love the songs we picked for our wedding

mass and I listen to them all the time

664

in prayer and they just bring me back.

665

Um, so be really intentional

about planning your wedding mass.

666

It makes all the difference.

667

It's the most important part of your

day, so don't leave it till the end.

668

Whew.

669

That was a lot and I'm sure there's

so much more we could talk about,

670

but I don't want to overwhelm you.

671

And these were just the most important

points that I felt like were necessary

672

to talk about for preparing to have a God

centered marriage and to have a peaceful

673

and just really embrace your season of

engagement with whatever it comes with.

674

And in the end, what I want to leave you

with is that the engagement season is so

675

much more than just planning a wedding.

676

It's time to prepare for a holy

and lifelong commitment and your

677

vocation, which essentially is the

path the Lord has paved for you to

678

get to heaven and be with him forever.

679

And every challenge you

face now is an opportunity.

680

opportunity for you to strengthen

your marriage, for you to grow in

681

your faith and grow in intimacy with

the Lord and surrender with the Lord.

682

There is so much about this process

that's going to call you to surrender.

683

And that is a good thing.

684

It helps you grow and rely on the

Lord, which we need to more and

685

more in which you'll find you're

going to need to do in marriage.

686

So if you're in this season, I want to

encourage you to stay grounded in prayer.

687

Don't neglect your prayer life.

688

Make sure you're having time with

the Lord every single day so that you

689

actually have the space to hear him

as he guides you through this process.

690

And lean on the support

of your loved ones.

691

If you have maybe your mom that you're

really close with a best friend, who's

692

really going to support you through

this and your fiance, you're going to

693

need those people that are going to

help keep your head straight on and help

694

you with wedding planning and just be

a sounding board as you work through

695

any emotions and anything that happens

throughout your engagement season,

696

embrace the messy, the imperfect.

697

And just let this time be one where

you can grow close to your fiance and

698

really strengthen your trust and and

your relationship with each other.

699

Thanks for joining me today.

700

You guys, I really hope that it was

helpful and know that I'm praying for

701

you as you prepare for your vocation.

702

If you have a friend who is engaged,

please send this over to her.

703

I'm always wanting to welcome

new people into our community.

704

So it's It's so helpful to me when you

give me a five star rating or share an

705

episode with a friend that you feel

like would really resonate from it,

706

um, or share on Instagram at ever be

so that we can reach more people and

707

help them live Christ centered lives.

708

If you have any more questions

about your engagement, I'm happy

709

to provide any insight that I can.

710

Again, I am not the end all

be all, but I do have some

711

experience in my own engagement.

712

Um, in walking with a few

other friends and I just love

713

supporting women in this season.

714

So if this is you and you feel like

you still have some questions, drop

715

me a DM on my Instagram at mari.

716

c.

717

wagner.

718

I try to get to as many DMs as possible.

719

Um, and if I don't have time to type

out a huge long thing, I'll usually

720

just send you a voice message, um, with

some of my thoughts and prayers for you.

721

So feel free to do that as well.

722

But all in all, I'm praying for you and I

hope that you have a wonderful engagement

723

season and a wonderful day by you guys.

724

See you next week.