The second part of my conversation with pioneering mental health campaigner Mark Williams, who has highlighted the need to include fathers in perinatal services.
*TRIGGER WARNING: THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote for this episode
[00:32] Introduction to Mark Williams (part 2)
[02:09] 1001 Days - significant phase for children and why it's important to included dad
[04:21] Mark's guilt at not providing for his family, while caring for his wife and son
[05:51] The progress made in including fathers
[06:09] The importance of lived experience for men opening up - intrusive thoughts
[07:31] The family events which triggered Mark's battle with mental health - impact on physical health
[09:13] Coming clean and getting help
[10:35] Setting up 'Fathers Reaching Out' support group
[13:39] Early abuse and stigma in working in this field
[15:07] Mark's relationship with son Ethan
[16:30] No such thing as a perfect parent
[19:35] Looking back - losing his mother-in-law
[20:12] The support of Mark's wife, Michelle
[21:04] "Post traumatic growth"
[21:17] Mark's work with Dr Jane Hanley
[22:30] Mark's writing including his book on father's postnatal depression
[24:00] Anyone can contribute to helping parents - everybody's voice matters
[26:30] Meeting someone special!
[27:16] The positives of having been through this experience
[30:06] Advice for dad's in need
[32:52] Bonding - don't feel guilty if you don't have this in the early days, it will come
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- The first 1001 Days (from pregnancy to the first 2 years of a child's life) have been proven as a significant and influential phase in their development. What happens during this time lays the foundation for their future wellbeing.
- It's a myth that men don't open up.
- Men can act out their distress in harmful ways - drinking heavily, aggression.
- Dr Jane Hanley
- Mark's 'Daddy Blues' book
- Baby Buddy App
- The Hub of Hope - database of local support resources
- Communicate with each other - be honest with your partner about how you are feeling.
- Mark's TED talk on the importance of father’s mental health.
- You can contact Mark here: Mark's website
- Fathers Reaching Out
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
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Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com
NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 10 Leonie Huie BEM opens up about navigating postnatal depression whilst mothering twin girls.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: app@app-network.org
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: info@andysmanclub.co.uk
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: info@apni.org
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Birth Trauma Association
Email: support@birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: lwise@talktalk.net (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: hello@makebirthbetter.org
Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email info@maternalocd.org to
arrange
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: info@mwnhelpline.co.uk
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – info@pandasfoundation.org.uk
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: counselling@petalscharity.org
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email asktwinline@twinstrust.org.
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: midwife@tommys.org
MUSIC by Joseph McDade
