Barry Adkins, the author of "Kevin's Last Walk: A Father's Final Journey with His Son," joins us to dive deep into a journey that’s as heart-wrenching as it is enlightening. Right off the bat, we tackle the gut-punching reality of losing a child and how that loss can flip your whole perspective on life. Barry shares his raw experience of walking from Arizona to Montana with his son Kevin's ashes in his backpack—a heartwarming tribute that also serves as a wake-up call about the choices we make. Seriously, if you think life goes according to plan, Barry’s story is the ultimate reality check. We’ll get into the nitty-gritty of grief, forgiveness, and how to find purpose in the rubble of tragedy. Trust me, you won’t want to miss this heartfelt convo packed with wisdom and a sprinkle of dark humor that reminds us not to take the absurdity of life too seriously.

Join the Black Sheep Christian Podcast for an emotionally charged episode featuring Barry Adkins, who shares his poignant journey chronicled in his book, 'Kevin's Last Walk.' The discussion begins with the heart-wrenching loss of Barry's son Kevin, who passed away unexpectedly due to alcohol poisoning. Instead of allowing grief to consume him, Barry embarked on a transformative walk from Arizona to Montana, carrying his son's ashes as a testament to their shared memories and dreams. This odyssey wasn't just a physical challenge but also a profound exploration of love, loss, and the absurdity of life's unpredictability.

Barry’s reflections on the absurdity of life resonate throughout the podcast, particularly when he quips, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.” This ironic twist captures the essence of how tragedy can unexpectedly alter our life course. The conversation dives deep into the emotional complexities of grief, the struggles of writing a book about such an intimate experience, and the cathartic power of storytelling. Barry shares candid insights into his feelings of anger towards God and the journey of reconciling that pain through faith and purpose.

As the episode progresses, Barry emphasizes the importance of making conscious choices, especially for young people navigating the pitfalls of life. He shares critical advice on decision-making, resilience in the face of adversity, and the necessity of self-forgiveness. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that while grief can be an isolating experience, it can also lead to transformative growth and connection. Barry's journey highlights the potential to turn tragedy into a mission of hope, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own stories and the legacy they wish to create.

Takeaways:

• Barry Adkins shares his deeply personal journey of grief following his son's tragic death, which led him to write 'Kevin's Last Walk'.
• Emphasizes the importance of storytelling in processing grief and how it can help others facing similar experiences.
• Barry's decision to walk over 1,000 miles with his son's ashes highlights the lengths one might go to find healing and closure.
• One of the key messages from Barry is that life doesn't always go according to plan, and it's essential to adapt and find purpose amidst the pain.
• The episode explores the idea that while grief can be overwhelming, it can also fuel a drive to create positive change and support others.
• Listeners are reminded that forgiveness, especially of oneself, is a crucial part of healing after loss and that everyone's grief journey is unique.

Links referenced in this episode:

• kevinslastwalk.com
• facebook.com/kevinslastwalk

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Amazon
• Barnes and Noble

Foreign.

Welcome back.

My name is Ashley and this is the Black Sheep Christian Podcast.

And today I have Barry Atkins with me, author of Kevin's Last Walk, A Father's Final Journey with a Son.

Barry, I thank you for joining us today.

Well, I'm excited to be on your show, Ashley.

Thank you.

Oh, so I am blessed that you reached out to me.

Your book was quite moving and touching in many ways.

The timing of it is quite interesting because it's back to school and so being a parent myself, you know, children are in transition.

So, you know, as a parent it's so funny because as parents we imagine things like, I don't know how you imagined, you know, for your family, but it's kind of like you have the like images, but they're not images, but you have these dreams and aspirations of them, of what they would do and become.

And for what we're going to talk about today, life can throw you a loop and, and, and change your perspective, not only of them, but also of life.

Yeah, I mean, the saying goes, if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.

Right.

We all plan to grow up and live happily ever after, right?

Yeah.

Sometimes he's got other ideas and you don't know it's coming.

Yeah, yeah.

Why write the book?

So the book is based on the walk, so I'll give you the short version of that.

My 18 year old son Kevin died of alcohol poisoning on the day he moved out on his own.

Suffice to say, we had to decide what to do with his ashes.

And I grew up in Kalispell, Montana.

It's up in the northwest corner of the state.

And Kevin had been there a number of times and always talked about wanting to move there someday and buy a ranch.

So we decided to take his ashes to Montana.

You know, the normal thing to do is put him in your car and drive there.

I decided to put him in my backpack and walk from Gilbert, Arizona to Kalispell, Montana with his ashes in my backpack and tell the story along the way because I just don't, I just don't want to see this happen to anybody else.

Yeah, that is a very conscious choice.

As somebody, I'm speaking for myself, who doesn't like to exercise, able to decide to walk that far.

But grief can do many things to anybody.

So I cannot, I'm not judging you and I shouldn't even judge myself.

I may even support, surprise myself.

I don't want anything to happen negatively to happen.

But to fall ourselves short of our purpose can be detrimental.

Yeah.

And then I will tell you that writing the book was harder than walking to Montana.

Because when I walk to Montana, I get up every morning.

I know what I'm going to do that day.

Yeah, but writing a book takes all these different parts of your brain.

It does.

I'm an engineer by trade, so creative stuff, writing is not.

Not in my wheelhouse.

So it was.

It was a challenge.

I actually had a friend.

So when I did the walk, this predates all the things you can do today.

I had a blog, you know, and I wrote every day, and people followed along.

But then I got done with it, and I called a friend of mine and I said, hey, I'm going to print this thing out.

You want a copy of it?

And he said, no.

I'm like, okay, well, why not?

He said, because you're going to write a book or I'm going to know the reason why.

And I said, no, I'm not.

Because I had just taken on a huge task, right.

With.

Yeah.

Talking to Montana.

And a few years later, here I am here.

There I was writing a book.

Yeah.

Wow.

So I did read.

So it's funny, because I couldn't.

I thought of a few questions, but a lot of it was what I.

What I've written down.

A lot of it is how it just moved me and what you wrote.

And one of the first things that you wrote to talk about is, I think this was in chapter one, or this was the introduction.

So I apologize for getting this incorrect.

But I played back so many fond memories of you as I walked.

Memories of the day you were born, your many baseball and soccer games, trips to the country fair with your pigs, sitting at our dinner table, talking about life, our many hunting trips together, hugging you so tight after you graduated from high school.

And, yes, the last time I saw you alive.

Yeah.

That's part of what I call a letter to Kevin.

So as you try to figure out how to write a book, I kind of wanted to start kind of with the end, Right?

Yeah.

And I actually read that.

Every time I tell the story, I read part of that.

Oh, wow.

Just because there's things about it like you said that stuff, but there's a part in there where I talked about.

At his funeral, I didn't go into the memorial.

I didn't go in because I didn't want to see him lying in a casket.

I just.

I had seen that a few other times with grandparents.

And I made a vow that I'm never doing that again, because it.

For me anyway, Ashley, it leaves you, that's hard to get out of your head.

I would agree, based off of my experience, because the soul is so powerful that we don't think about it day to day, you know, and when it leaves, it's just a shell.

It is.

And, and so as the shell, you like, like feeling and processing it, like sensory wise.

It's like, how does a soul leave a shell?

I don't, I don't know if I'm explaining it right.

I don't even.

That's a God thing for me.

I, I do, I understand all that.

You know, that was part of, you know, my phrase, something very good will come from this.

Yeah, right.

Because I was angry with God.

My son had just died.

And I'm like, well, why didn't you just take me as a parent?

That's not an unusual thought, I don't think.

Right.

And I told him so in not very nice terms.

Right.

Back up time.

Take me, let him live.

Right.

And a couple days later, I had another life changing event.

This is difficult to describe, but I'm going to do my best.

I was laying in bed, it was about 4 o' clock in the morning.

And I felt like someone had walked in the room.

You know, that sensation.

Like, did someone walk in behind me?

And then there was a light, a light I've never seen before and haven't seen since.

And there was a message.

And the message was that Kevin didn't suffer and something very good would come from this.

And before I could say, well, I mean, I knew it happened, but I didn't hear it right.

It's hard to describe these things, but I, I knew it happened, but I didn't have a chance to say, wait, wait, wait, what.

What does that mean?

What am I supposed to, what, what partness do I have?

Right?

And it didn't make everything okay, Ashley, but it gave me a mission, right?

It gave me something to try to figure out.

And I've come to the conclusion I will never know what that means, but I'm supposed to chase it the rest of my life.

That's.

And that's what I've done.

Thanks for sharing.

Do you feel as.

Do you feel that this was a purpose?

That, that you didn't.

I mean, who would want to ask for, for a purpose like this, you.

Know, not me, I can tell you that.

You know.

You know, did I do any public speaking before that?

No, occasionally I had to present to a couple engineers, but that's about it.

And you know, to get out and bear your soul and tell Everybody about the most painful day in your life.

If God would have said, hey, I got this plan for you, what do you think?

I would have said, nah, pick somebody else.

But, you know, the Bible actually talks about that, that he doesn't choose the qualified, he qualifies the chosen.

Because I'm not qualified.

Right.

I'm.

I'm not the right guy.

And I've told people that.

There's actually one video where I said that I'm not the right guy to be doing this.

Yeah.

I'm here because of what happened.

Yeah.

Sometimes I think about that when.

Like.

For example, like Minneapolis, the parents losing their children.

You know, you know, you.

It's a new school year.

You know, you drop your children off, you're believing that they're going to come back, and they don't come back.

And sometimes even, like, people are, you know, remembering Sandy Hook because of the tragedy.

And some of those parents from Sandy Hook and even Columbine, there's just so many of them, you know, losing their children.

And then because they lost their children, they have created policies, campaigns, nonprofits that have helped hundreds of other people today.

And sometimes I. I sit and think, like, if.

If they didn't lose their child, you know, would they still.

What would God still.

You know, grief is a powerful thing.

Yeah.

Actually.

And that's where all of that stuff comes from.

Because grief is an energy that you have to channel into something.

You can't.

If you let it sit there, it can fester.

It's.

It's a complicated thing.

Right.

There's a lot of energy there.

And you see non profits pop up and people doing stuff all the time because of something that happened to them or their children.

Yeah, right.

Because it's, It's.

It's a lot of energy.

And you got to do something with.

Is.

It is a lot of energy.

And for you to be able to do what you do today, because it's exhausting, I'm sure, for you.

You know, it is.

I guess I haven't told anybody this on a podcast, but when I do either podcasts or go speak at schools, it is physically very tiring.

I'll probably go to bed early tonight.

Second one I've done today.

It is.

It's hard to describe because you wouldn't think it'd be physically exhausting, but it is.

It really is.

It.

I can only tell the story.

The most I do in a day is maybe three or four.

But after that, I told one of the schools, they said, can you do it the fourth time?

And I did it the fourth time.

And he goes, you were great.

And I said, yeah, but I did not feel great.

I can only imagine.

I mean, I mean, being an extrovert that I am, I mean, even as an extrovert, it's a lot of energy.

And then on top of that, since you're talking about something that has brought you grief, that's another force that is.

Is just coming together at the same time.

Yeah.

Because, I mean, I. I go there, right?

I talk about getting that knock on the door.

I talk about what it was like to go pick up his ashes.

I. I'll tell you that part of it.

I.

We decided to have him cremated.

And I go down to the funeral home, right?

Walk in the funeral home.

They've got nice pictures on the wall and there's playing music in the background.

They take me into an office, sit me down in a big comfortable chair, the desk in front of me.

The funeral director walks in, sets an urn down in front of me.

An urn that holds all the remains of the kid that I burped, changed his diapers, coached baseball, basketball, soccer, football, taught him to shoot a gun and swing a golf club.

All that remains of him were sitting in that urn in front of me.

And there's one thing I knew at that point, and that was that I didn't want to be a victim.

Because the world doesn't need any more victims.

We've got plenty already.

The world needs people who take something very.

Something tragic and they make something very good come from it.

And honestly, I thought about what I would hope somebody else would do.

And for me, the answer was pretty easy, was to get out and tell the story.

Yeah.

Not.

Not for the money, because there is no money that'll fix the hurt.

Right.

The only thing that helps is to try to make something good come from such a senseless tragedy.

Yeah.

Wow.

In your book, you write, your death has taught me how deep that love goes and that life holds no guarantees.

You taught me that God has a plan for each of us and sometimes someone must die so that others might live.

That was I. I had to sit on that one.

I don't know why I feel.

I'm feeling a certain way.

My thought that I wrote, because I wrote a thought with that, and I. Cousin, before you wrote that, I say you write about co signing a car loan for your son.

And the finance guy asked about purchasing life insurance for your son.

Yeah.

Do you think God was telling you something quietly?

I don't think so, because I'm that guy, right?

Yeah.

It just.

It never occurred to me as a parent, and maybe.

Maybe I'm the only one, but I doubt it.

I just never thought about.

You worry about your kids, but never thought they would ever die.

Yeah.

Right.

When I got the knock on the door, Ashley, and I opened the door and I saw two police officers and someone in plain clothes.

You would have thought that would have been a big red flag, right?

Right.

But it wasn't.

It didn't even occur to me that something bad had happened.

I actually joked with them as they came in, thinking this had to have something to do with a dog or a parked car.

Oh, wow.

I just.

It's stuff that.

I just never occurred to me.

Yeah.

Wow.

I'm sorry.

I'm sitting on that.

I'm sitting on that because I know I. I've.

I've experienced the knock on the door, so I. I know that feeling.

Of.

News coming to you that you would have never expected in a million years.

You know, it's just like.

Like you.

You don't have anybody in military, so, you know, when watching movies, I mean.

Yeah.

You know, when you watch the movies, you expect the knock is only for people who are in the military, but not.

Not so.

But the.

The knock on the door is the most weirdest, perplexing experience to go through because you're like, what is this?

What happened?

Who did what?

Is somebody in jail?

Like.

Well, and the.

You know, for me, the officer said that your son was dead, Right?

Yeah.

And we ask who?

And they said, Kevin.

And they handed me his driver's license.

Oh, wow.

There's something pretty final about it.

When a police officer hands you your child's driver's license because until that exact moment in time.

Yes.

You're holding out hope.

Right.

This is all a big mistake.

You have misspelled the last name.

Go away.

You need to be three streets over or next door, any place but my place.

But when they hand you your child's driver's license, you know he's gone and he's never coming back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm digesting especially what you said earlier about the promise that you made to yourself because you're.

You're still.

I don't know, I'm.

For me, I would still try and hold on to what was.

What was.

Yeah.

So this is.

So it's been 20 years.

So grief is.

This is 20 years in the rear view mirror for me.

And with grief, I'll give you my Perspective on it.

After Kevin died, I wanted to go back and feel the way I did the day before he died.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's just what you want to do.

You want to feel.

I want to feel that way again.

Right.

But this is the reality, and sounds a little harsh, but you will never feel that way again.

The old you died with your child.

He's gone.

Ain't never coming back again either.

There's a new you there.

Yeah.

A new you there that can be a better person.

Sadly, sometimes it goes the other way and it destroys lives.

But there's a new you there that you have to define for me.

The something very good will come from this has defined it for me.

That's well said.

I don't think I could have said that any better.

That.

That's very interesting.

I had.

I didn't have a child die, because that is a completely different feeling.

And then losing a partner.

But when he passed, my moment was when the new year came.

Like he passed in the spring.

And of course you go through the holidays, but when New Year's came, it was just like.

That was.

That was when I felt I died.

I could have died even before then, but, you know, we can do many things to people.

Right.

But I felt.

I acknowledge my death when the new year came because at that point, it was like time is moving on without you.

Yeah.

And now I have to figure out how to move on without you.

Because when you're in the same year, you share the year.

We did these things together, you know, we have these type of plans.

But when the new year happens, it Interesting.

It doesn't move forward.

Yeah.

And that's the thing about that, is that time kind of freezes for a while.

Yeah.

Time freezes.

And you wonder how the world is still turning.

Right.

There's people still going to work.

There's still people doing things.

And you're just kind of frozen in that moment for a long time, like you said.

And for you it was, you know, the new year.

But at some point you come to grips with the fact that they're actually gone.

And that takes time to understand.

Like I said, It's 20 years for me.

But at some point you have to.

Realize that it does.

And it almost feels.

I. I haven't.

He hasn't been gone that long yet, but it almost feels like it just.

It's kind of like jello.

It just kind of like slowly solidifies, but it.

But when you just.

I don't even know if I'm using the right metaphor, but it Just every now and again when you move it, it's just.

It just reminds you, like, oh, yeah, yeah.

Sometimes.

And actually, there were times when we would actually forget that he had passed away.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Went to the store that year, she was out buying gifts, and she's like, oh, I'll get that for Kevin.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

No, I won't.

And.

And I thought for a long time he was gonna plow through the door and go, hey, surprise.

I got you with that one.

There's that too, right?

Where.

Yeah.

You know you're gonna wake up or whatever it is.

Right.

There's a lot of different terms you can use, but you're thinking, I am gonna wake up and this is all going to be a dream.

Which, by the way, when I dream about him, he's never been gone.

Oh, wow.

Alive.

I'm not surprised to see him in my dream.

Interesting.

I have not experienced that.

Yeah, it may pop up now.

Yeah, yeah.

But, you know, it's.

It's interesting because.

And I say I haven't experienced that because not too many people know this, but I.

My dream that night was him actually leaving.

And so it was me and him in a car, and we were going up a hill on the road, and so the sun was clearly setting.

And so he ended up moving ahead of me.

And I tried to get my car to.

To catch up, but it didn't catch up.

And so the next day, I ended up getting the knock.

And it's funny because when I woke up this morning, I was like, oh, my gosh, I dreamed about him.

I can't wait to tell him.

Yeah, yeah.

And.

And.

And then I. I got the knock.

And the next day.

Interesting.

Yeah.

I think that's probably why I haven't dreamed, because I.

That was probably like, yep, This.

I was telling him, like, this is it.

Okay, I'm looking at time because we are.

We're really talking.

And I was losing track.

This book is about overcoming grief and.

Oh, my goodness.

So with us recording and as I talked about with transitioning and life moving on.

What.

What advice?

I know we talking about parents, but, I mean, what your son went through was unpleasant.

What advice would you have for our youth?

Well, three things that I tell students every time.

The three takeaways that I give everybody, and the first one's about decision making.

The two most important decisions you're ever going to make, apart from following Jesus, are about drugs and alcohol.

It isn't even close.

Right.

We all know stories.

You need to educate yourselves about the dangers of Drug and alcohol abuse, as if your life depends upon it.

Because it does.

It just does.

And the second thing is about adversity.

And the Bible's full of the stuff about this.

The way you respond to adversity is going to define your life.

Notice I didn't say might, it will.

Bad stuff happens to everybody.

And third, and perhaps this is the most important one, is about forgiveness.

It was easier for me to forgive the guys at the party because this was Kevin's choice, right?

This was his decision.

It was easy for me to forgive my kid because that's what parents do.

But there was one person that was really hard to forgive, and that was me.

But I have found a way to forgive myself.

I actually heard a pastor describe it best once.

He said that anger and vengeance lead to one thing.

Yeah, destruction.

Forgiveness leads to healing.

And sometimes the most important person you need to forgive is yourself.

We all make mistakes.

It's the way you handle them.

Well said.

Well said.

You know, with that question, it leads me, because as parents, I mean, you were a great dad.

You did all the things that a good father should do.

And as a parent, as I said, when they're born, you kind of imagine, you know, it's just a weird way to describe, like, because you can't see anything in your head, but you're imagining still of all the possibilities that, who they can be, where they're going to be, you know, how successful or comfortable like you are, just imagining this beautiful life for them.

And I work at a university, so when I started working at a university, I was learning quickly about all the bad decisions and then some.

And it's not even like the typical drugs and alcohol.

Sometimes it's just really stupid stuff.

And so I would come home and I'd be like, child, don't do this.

Child, don't do that.

Like, like you, you know, you're.

You're prepping them for.

For what?

What?

The dangers of the world.

And I'm saying I'm being long winded.

But it hit me years earlier when they were a toddler and they're touching things that they're not supposed to be.

And I remember saying to myself, I shouldn't be protecting you from the world.

I should be protecting the world.

You know, I should be protecting you from yourself.

Yeah, but it.

But to lead as them, as becoming adults, sometimes the greatest danger is them.

So for parents, like, what do we need to remind ourselves as far as our children.

Well, that they're Very precious.

And it's trying to get them to think critically, and that's hard to do.

And I think they do that better with stories than you're getting up there.

And that's part of why I. I always tell the students, I'm just here to tell you a story, not here to tell you how to live your life.

Because I think stories help them.

Because in some way, when you hear a story, you try to relate it to your own life.

Right.

Anytime you hear a story, you kind of try to relate it to your own life or think, well, would I have done it that way?

Right.

And.

And it's those real life examples that they need to hear about.

Right.

Because not everybody, not every story ends up happily ever after.

As I said earlier, not.

Not every one of them ends up that way.

And I never believed anything would ever happen to me or my kids.

I just never.

I. I don't know why, but I just.

Just never thought about that stuff.

I mean, I know the dangers are there and you do worry about them, but I just never believed anything like this would ever happen.

Yeah.

Just never.

Just didn't do it.

And that's valid, especially when you.

You have taken the steps that you needed to do in order for him to have a beautiful life, a comfortable life.

You thought so, right?

Right.

I mean, you know, I stayed after him about his grades in school.

And I remember after the high school graduation, he gave me a hug and whispered, thanks for not giving up on me, dad.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Because, you know, he was a lot like me.

I never saw the point in school.

I'll just be very honest about that.

I didn't see the point.

So I barely got out of high school.

He was the same way.

Right.

Just.

You're just checking the box.

Right.

Because you're young and you don't know why.

Why are they making me do all of this since then, you know, once I got out and I was paying for schooling on my own, I got good grades.

Right.

But in high school, I barely got out.

What is one thing that you want the world to know about Kevin?

That he was like any other kid.

Because nobody ever believes it's going to happen.

Them.

The best way to describe him was he thought he was 10ft tall and bulletproof.

Right.

You know that phrase, nobody ever believes it can happen to you.

And Kevin would say that today.

Yeah.

But it can.

Yeah.

And.

And life is full of a lot of choices that you have to make about a lot of different things, and you need to try to give them a Little bit of thought.

I would agree with that.

I think about my own choices when I was that age.

Yep.

By the grace of God, I'm here, I can tell you that much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Probably wasn't a very good idea.

I probably shouldn't have jumped off that bridge doing that.

Yeah, we're all going to jump into the river.

All right, let's go try it.

Oh, well, you know, it's funny because, I mean, there's just like.

I mean, now that I'm older and now that my brain has fully developed.

Yes.

And it's funny because when students be doing things on campus, it's like, you really didn't think this through.

No.

The other thing I like to tell kids, too, is, you know, you think that you need to impress the students you're around when you're in high school.

But for the most part, once you graduate from high school, you're not really going to see much of them anymore.

Yeah.

Right.

I now.

I moved away a couple years later, but I only have one friend from high school that I still talk to, and most people that I asked, and I'm going to ask you that question, how many do you still have a lot of friends?

Not Facebook friends, not Twitter friends, Real friends from high school.

Do you have a few you still stay in contact with?

Just one as well?

Yeah, yeah, just one.

And go ahead.

Sorry.

Why bother, right?

I mean, these people you think you need to impress, you're not going to see them after high school anyway.

Yeah, yeah.

Valid.

Very valid.

I know one thing that I always say is, you.

This is not the world like.

Like you think the high school is, is it?

And it's your world, but it is.

This is going to be the most smallest world that you're ever gonna be because once you get to college, man.

Yeah.

The world just keeps getting more.

You think in high school it's complicated, which it is.

Don't get me wrong.

Yes.

Your brain isn't fully developed, but you get out in the world and you realize, you know, it's not always this perfect.

You know, 2.5 kids and, you know, dinner every night together and that kind of stuff.

It's just.

That's hard to do.

We do dinner every night together, my wife and I do, just because we got to make sure we get one in.

Yeah.

That's beautiful.

Oh, yeah.

How is she doing?

She's doing good.

You know, we actually.

She isn't Kevin's biological mother, but, you know, we made an agreement, and I told everybody this, that we're not going to play this blame game.

Right.

Because there was plenty of blame to go around.

We're not going to focus on who's at fault.

Could there be.

Could there have been some things done differently before he passed away?

Yeah.

Is there legislation I could have passed?

Yeah.

Or help pass?

Yeah, probably.

But I focused on telling the story, and I didn't want to play.

I didn't want to blame anybody because at the end of the day, it was his choice, not.

Not anybody else's.

And to the point that we said earlier, legislation may not have been the purpose for you.

I. I don't think it was.

I. I think it's to get out and tell the story.

I've probably told the story, oh, maybe 400 times at this point.

Yeah.

I've tweaked it a lot through the years.

My wife would sit in the back and she's a good enough friend that she would tell me when she would say, now you lost him with that.

Yeah, yeah.

Right.

And so I adjusted a lot of things, including the part about stories.

So I had a guy tell me years ago, he asked me, you know, do you still speak at high schools?

And I said, yeah.

And he said, you're too old.

You shouldn't be doing that.

I was a little offended by it.

By it.

But then I got to thinking about it, and again, I think it was a God thing.

I thought, well, you know what?

I'm going to address that right up front.

So that's the first thing I say.

I'm not here to tell you how to live your life.

I'm just here to tell you a story.

And maybe as you listen to the story, think about what you want your story to be, because that's really what.

That's what life is about, is you need to figure out what your story is going to be.

Right.

Right.

It's.

It's about that story that you're going to be able to talk about someday.

What do you want it to be and what can you do to make it happen?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well said.

I'm.

I'm digesting that because, you know, you know, I was in Bible study this week, and we're going through Second Samuel, you know, you know, David going through his many trials and tribulations.

And we were at the point where again, you know, David is again being tested, and he ended up forgiving.

And so he kept his word and ended up forgiving.

But when we were talking about how he handled it versus Saul handled it, I made the comment of maybe Saul was An example to David of what not to do and how to handle.

That's valid.

Yeah.

The situation.

There are lots of examples.

There's probably more examples of what not to do in the world today than what to do, right?

Yes.

You hear about all of those things.

That's a good quote.

Yeah.

I mean, the Bible is a lot of.

Oh, it's.

I.

Now that I think about it, there's.

Just a ton of those, you know, and.

And James talks about that in chapter one, Right.

Yeah.

You're going to meet all these trials, but they're going to make you a better person.

Yeah.

And at the time, you're not going to think of that.

Yeah.

But when you get on the other side of it, you go, yeah, I'm a different person now.

Yeah.

One more question, and I don't know if this is a good one, but let's go with it.

In the beginning, I'm sounding like as if I'm reciting.

What is it?

First drawn.

Yeah.

Is it John?

I can't remember.

But you.

You get the point.

You talk about your conversation with.

With God, how upset and angry you were with him.

Yeah.

Have you.

How should I say this?

How should I say this?

Have you apologized?

Have you had a different conversation with him in regards to this?

You know, it's a fair question.

For me to answer your question, no, I haven't.

But.

But what that did for me, Rachel, was it took God from the theoretical to the real.

Okay.

Right.

And, you know, trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Yeah.

Lean not on your own understanding.

Right.

And.

And for me, that's where I am.

God, he knows that.

I know that now.

He has a plan, and I've told him I'm good with it.

Whatever you want me to do, I'll do.

So surrender.

It's.

You have to.

There is no.

For me, there is no other choice.

You have to surrender to what he has in mind for you.

And that's figuring out what he has in mind for you can be complicated.

Right.

I'll leave you with this one last thought.

I. I lived up in Montana for a while, and I used to go up in the wilderness areas, and I went up there with my uncle one time, and we're sitting on top of a mountain, and it's just utter silence.

Right.

Just nothing.

And I turned to him and I whispered, man, it's quiet up here.

And he said, yeah.

And it's got a lot to say.

Because one of the problems I think we have is that in the world we live in, Today there's not much quiet time.

In order to understand maybe what your purpose is in life, you've got to have that quiet time.

And I'm not talking about listening to music.

I'm not talking about anything.

I mean, quiet, quiet time.

Right.

Because it's a still, small voice.

Right.

It.

He's not.

It's not generally going to be booming in your ear what to do.

You got to listen for it.

Yeah.

That is facts, facts.

I'm digesting what you just said.

I think what makes having quiet time so difficult is the mind.

The human mind is not the best in terms of thoughts, in terms of fear.

Yeah.

It.

It is not the best place sometimes.

And.

And I think part of it is, and I'm speaking for myself, is that I'm speaking for myself.

Quiet time can feel.

I don't want to be extreme, but it's the only word that I can think of.

It's almost dangerous, you know, because not only reveals the weakness, but it also, the thoughts can just make you spiral if they're not the good ones.

Well, yeah, you.

You need to, you know, and the Bible talks about focusing on the positive.

There's ways to control that by listening to your breathing.

Right.

And sometimes I'll just put a candle out there and stare at that candle and not think.

You have to have ways.

You're absolutely right, because the mind.

And the Bible talks a lot about not worrying about the future.

But when you're quiet, sometimes that's exactly what you're thinking.

What else do I have do?

What's my next thing?

Do I have to know that's going to happen?

This is going to happen.

But you have to try to stay in the moment.

Right.

And that's however.

And everybody's going to do that a little differently.

It might be for somebody, it might be walking.

And walking is a good way to do it, but you have to find a way to let your mind just relax sometimes.

But it's okay to let it run there for a while, bring it back.

Right.

So everybody has to manage that differently because I'm the same way.

You know, I'm 67 years old and I think about, oh, I got to do this, I got to do, you know, all these things.

You still.

That never changes, Ashley.

But yeah, having that time of quiet.

And for me, along with that quiet, I like to play instrumentals in the background.

Yeah, right.

I don't want to hear Christian music is good, don't get me wrong.

But I don't want to hear somebody else talking.

I Just want to listen to the music.

Right.

And just kind of.

That's the best thing that's all I can tell you is it's.

It's not easy to do that.

Agreed.

I think that it takes.

It's.

It sounds like a skill.

It is.

I actually just started doing this.

If you want to try to, you know, block it all out, count backwards out loud, because it forces you to only think about counting backwards.

Right, Right.

Something that forces you to focus, whatever that is, and then that.

That opens up your mind.

Valid.

I'll try that next time.

It's going to be a small number 10.

You start there.

Yeah.

Oh, goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

I'm just being silly now.

I probably will be better than what I think, but I'm just being silly.

That's funny.

Oh, goodness.

Barry, I just want to thank you for joining me today.

I am blessed and honored just to hear your journey and your wisdom.

I pray that you and your family will continue to have healing, find healing, and to be able to continue to walk in your purpose, because sometimes you can walk in that purpose and then just veer off, you know?

Yeah.

But I am very grateful for what you have shared with me and my audience today, so I am blessed and I thank you for your time.

Well, thank you for having me on.

And anybody that's listening, if they want me to come to your town and tell the story, I'll do it.

I don't.

If I gotta travel, there's travel costs, but I don't.

I. I don't do this for the money, actually.

So just reach out.

We'll make it happen.

Yeah.

So for those who would like to know, it is Kevin's Last walk a father, A father's final journey with his son.

You can find this book on Amazon, definitely.

And I think Barnes and.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yep.

Yeah, you can buy it from the website, too.

Yep.

What is the.

Your website?

The website is Kevin's Last Walk dot com, and then on Facebook, it's Kevin's Last Walk.

All one word.

And I post all the podcasts there, too.

Nice.

Beautiful.

Yes.

And then what?

Barnes and Noble.

If you guys want to read a preview, Barnes and Noble has it.

So.

Yeah, it's beautifully written.

I. I do have to say, you know, some of the paragraphs that I did read, you know, it just.

It just sometimes gives you pause and.

And.

And think about not only yourself, but, you know, your family and.

And.

And what we're blessed with.

I think after reading this, one thing is for sure is this, is that I'M speaking for myself, but I know a lot of people out there, but I'm speaking for myself, is that I don't thank God enough for the people, my family, in my life, to be able to know that, you know, my.

My child was able to wake up, to have 10 fingers and toes still move, you know, that they still have their health, you know, that they were able to enjoy their day and smile and, and, and, and just, you know, just to.

Not to have a worry.

And so I know I am guilty of not thanking the Lord enough just for the simple thing.

Thanks for having me on.

Yeah.

Well, until next time.

I want to thank everybody for watching.

And remember, God is love, and God wants us to show his love to the world.

Until next time.

Later.