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How to Manage During this Crisis with Mary Hyatt
Episode 11313th April 2020 • Your Dream Business • Teresa Heath-Wareing
00:00:00 01:03:55

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This week we are welcoming back to the podcast, my wonderful friend Mary Hyatt. For those of you who don’t know, Mary is my coach and she has also become one of my closest friends. We are going to be talking about what we can all do during this crisis, to hopefully bring you some comfort and support. 

KEY TAKEAWAYS COVERED IN THE PODCAST
  • We are all experiencing something collectively – Everything feels very “off”.
  • Our batteries are being drained – emotionally and mentally.
  • We respond to stress in lots of different ways – Denial, Over-eating, Over-drinking. This is all about distracting ourselves from what is really going on.
  • There are also other ways we respond to stress which can be highly emotional – Hyper Sensitivity, Anxiety, Depression.
  • We are processing so much more information right now, it is understandably draining!
  • Don’t expect as much from yourself during this time.
  • Comparative suffering is adding shame and judgement whilst thinking about what you are feeling.
  • We are all allowed to feel how we feel during this – This could be emotions such as Overwhelm, Exhaustion, Anxiety, Grief.
  • We can only extend to others, what we are giving ourselves.
  • There is not any “right way” to go through this.
  • You get to choose what you do during this time, no one else.
  • Be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
  • We need to continue to bring in income the best we can right now.
  • Think about how you can meet needs that are there and add value to people.
  • You need to connect with people on a deeper level right now.
  • Value yourself, you have skills that can make others thrive. Recognise that you have information that other people wish they had.
  • Find meaning and purpose in the midst of all of this.
  • You are in control of how your mind interprets this. Try to think “What can this make possible?”
  • Look for the good things in every day. Be grateful for absolutely everything you have.
  • Shifting the focus on what we have, multiplies it.
  • Journaling – Write it down and then flip it so it comes from love instead of anger.
  • Get out all of your feelings on paper – You can just throw it away or burn it if you want to.
  • Utilise these free tools!
  • Give yourself permission to rest, nurture yourself and ask yourself “what do I need?”
THE ONE THING YOU NEED TO REMEMBER ABOVE ALL ELSE…
Be gentle on yourself during this time, don’t put pressure on yourself to be achieving things just because you are being told you need to, whether that’s because other people are saying it or you may be telling yourself. You are allowed to feel anxious, angry, depressed, frustrated right now and it is okay if you can’t quite function how you normally would. But remember, this will not last forever.
HIGHLIGHTS YOU SIMPLY CAN'T MISS
  • An introduction to Mary Hyatt – 04:38
  • The impact of the pandemic – 07:53
  • Comparative Suffering – 21:05
  • Expectations – 25:55
  • Selling during this time – 33:43
  • Tools that can help you – 45:15
Transcript below

 

Hello, and welcome to today's episode of the podcast. How are things going? You know what? I so genuinely mean that, because this time is so crazy tough for us ll, for lots of different reasons. I'm going to jump straight into today's episode, because today I decided to bring back a previous guest. Now, I thought this was the first time I had done this, but it actually turns out that Biz Paul has been on twice. Although technically, the second time he came on, he interviewed Paul and I for episode 100.

I think this is technically the first time I've had someone in that I've interviewed twice. So, I would like to welcome back to the podcast, my very beautiful, wonderful and smart friend, Mary Hyatt. As you know, Mary Hyatt is my coach, and has been my coach for some time, and I am very lucky that I now get to call Mary my friend, and we get to spend time with her in Nashville, or we did before all this happened, and she's been over here in the UK to see me.

Honestly, my husband and I love her and Bentley dearly. The fact that, A, she's a friend is one thing, two, she's my coach is another, but three, she honestly is so very smart when it comes to dealing with times that are tough. Mary has helped me through more things than I care to remember during the time that we've worked together. So, there was no one better to have on to talk to you guys to help you through this time.

Obviously, I've done a few different episodes. I did the motivation one, and I did the one that was kind of the special one just to say I am acknowledging it. But, today I wanted to bring Mary on, because actually if anybody can help me through these tough times with some good practical advice, and some gentle love, then she is the woman for the job. That's why I've brought her on. I'm going to not go on any longer. You know who Mary is. I'm going to link up to her in the show notes. She's truly wonderful. You need to check her out. I hope you enjoy today's episode, and I hope it brings you some comfort and some support.

Please do come and tag us both in, because I want Mary to see the difference she makes not only in my world, but everybody else's. I hope you enjoy today's episode.

I am very excited about today's episode. Because, although I've had this amazing lady on before, I am still super excited to bring her back to you. Welcome back to the podcast, Mary Hyatt.

Woot woot! It's like round two. Second season.

I know. Ching ching! Do you know what-

I'm so happy to be here.

What was funny was, I was telling Biz Paul, before we recorded that I was getting you back on and I was recording an episode. I said, "She's the only person who's ever been on the podcast twice." I was like, "Oh no, hang on Biz Paul, you have." Because of course he came on and did an episode, and then he came on and did the 100th episode where he interviewed Paul and I.

That was such a great episode.

He's great. He is, honestly. This is his job. He should totally be an interviewer type, presenter type thing. He loves it.

Oh, yeah. And I also secretly want him to be my best friend, so if you could kind of just give him the nudge that if he's looking for more friendships.

That is so funny. Honestly, you're going to think I'm making this up, but right before this I said, "Listen, Mary's coming into the group to do some stuff. Do you want to come in the group? I'll let you in to come and see what Mary's doing." "I love Mary," he said. He loves you.

I just adore him.

It's like a little romance.

He's so funny.

 

An introduction to Mary Hyatt

 

I'm so glad to bring the two of you together. He is funny. He is funny. And he's our sense of humour. Anyway, these people are listening to this going, "Get on with it, people." As you know, and as I've just said, I have had the lovely Mary on before. But I'm just going to get Mary to introduce herself a little bit, in case you happened to miss the episode, which I will link up to the show notes. Then we will get on with today's episode. Mary, go ahead and tell everybody who you are, and why you're so wonderful.

Thank you. I am a life and mindset coach, and my favourite people to work with are high achieving entrepreneurs who are looking to find ways to bring some flow back into their hustle game. Because I think oftentimes we think we have to grind it out, work ourselves to the point of burnout and exhaustion. That's usually at the point where my clients find me is they're going, "Okay, my business is taking off, but my life is in shambles, or I'm just totally at the end of my rope. My relationships aren't that great. How do I get back to that place of really thriving in all areas of my life?

That's when I come in and go, "Okay, let's take a look at some of this mindset stuff. Let's take a look at what is controlling the show behind the scenes," and help people really get to a place of living fully alive connected to their emotions, connected to their bodies, connected to their intuition, and really create just a powerful presence in their own life. I have a podcast that comes out every week, where we get into a lot of this mindset work. I also offer guided meditations to help people just create a new sense of awareness and consciousness that just aids in this ability to live fully alive, present for your life. Kind of a few little different hats, but all around consciousness and mindset.

Perfect. What was interesting is when I started off with Mary, I knew I needed something. I didn't know what it was. Even when Mary was like, "Yeah, I can do this. I can help," I still didn't actually know what, or where or how. I didn't get the details. The funny thing is, now I look back and think I didn't have to get the details. I didn't need to know those things. The stuff you taught me, and the stuff that we worked through, and looked at, and the way you made me think, which was probably the biggest change in everything has changed and affected everything going forward.

The reason I wanted Mary on today's podcast, and why I was so keen to hurry up and do this as quickly as possible is because since, and we're recording this at the time, I've been on lockdown for like two weeks, I think. I'm in my second week. You've been on lockdown for about two weeks as well, haven't you?

Yeah.

Because of the Coronavirus, and everything that's going on with that. What's interesting is like I have been fine. I've been happy, and fairly calm, and relaxed about it all. The only thing I can put it down to is all this work I've done with Mary. All this self-development work, all these tools she's given me. All these kind of strategies that I've got. I wanted Mary to come on and talk about some of the things that why we're being affected, if we are being affected. Then, some of the cool tools and some of the strategies that you can do and you can try in order to help you manage the situation.

 

The impact of the pandemic

 

Let's start by talking about the fact of this situation, and some of the impact that you had seen that it's had on people in both personal and business.

Yeah. It really is such a heavy topic, because what I've noticed is people that are showing up personally are having a real mental crisis, emotional crisis. I think that, yes, we have the threat of the virus, and there's that part of it that's going on, but there is this energy in the air, and it's palpable. Like, you can feel it. I've had a lot of people, I think Theresa we've even talked about this. Of, nothing's really changed for us. We work from home. We're kind of used to doing Zoom and things online, and so it's not a big learning curve for us. However, there is this exhaustion that is present.

I feel more tired than I typically do. I feel like my bandwidth isn't quite what it normally is. I'm needing to sleep more often. I am having emotions show up that feel like they're coming out of nowhere. Yet it's like, oh my gosh, if you look at what's happening it makes total sense. But there is a collective energy. I think that what's important to understand about right now is that we're experiencing something collectively. All of us have an energy about us. If you think about back in the days when we got to see each other in person.

Remember these days.

Yeah, remember those days when you like hugged somebody?

Oh my God. You're crazy.

But, like everybody has a frequency to them. For example, if you walk into a room and you're talking to somebody and you're like, "Oh, the vibe's off in here, or that's like a wonky weird vibe. The energy's off in here." These are things that we say. Different environments kind of have different energies. If you walk into a corporate office, there's a different energy, if you walk into a coffee shop, there's a different kind of energy there, or a restaurant. If you walked into a funeral versus a wedding. There's different energy.

Yeah.

But what's happening right now is collectively, the entire world is vibrating with one frequency. If you're sensitive at all, if you're an empath, if you're somebody who kind of just notices that, it's almost like our batteries are being drained. There's this collective energy of fear, of panic, of desperation. I think that there's varying forms of that, or degrees of that. I think even grief is a big one that I feel like is showing up right now, loneliness. But there is a collective energy that whether we are practising some kind of mindfulness or consciousness kind of practise, I think the average Joe can feel something's off here. Something is exhausting right now.

So, we are experiencing, my clients, my family, myself, a drain on our batteries, our mental and emotional batteries that no matter where we are in our station of life, I think everybody can agree that's happening.

Yeah. Sometimes I get this pit, this thing in my stomach that's like something's off, and you know like when something awful happens, and that awful feeling. Then, you'll wake up and you'll remember it, and it's back there, and you're like ... It's almost like a very mild version of that where you're like, "Oh, something's not quite right here, and I don't really know what it is," although you do, but you know what I mean? It's like why would that affect me like that? It's weird, isn't it?

I think that everybody listening, we are functioning adults. It's like we have our own businesses, we pay our bills, we make sure that we eat. We have a pretty great life, in the sense of our needs are met and things like that. To be shaken, to have something affect us in a certain way, it's kind of like this is not my norm. I'm typically able to handle myself and get through the day, and this is ... We were joking on our Instagram. Unprecedented. That word is so overused. But it is.

None of us have been through this, and what it's kicking up for everyone is our old habituated stress response or trauma response. When I say old and habituated, what I mean by that is that every single one of us has been through things that are challenging, things that are hard. We have gone through traumatic situations. That could be a little-t trauma, or a big-T trauma.

Meaning, something that we might not even categorise as trauma, like something from childhood that we interpreted as traumatic, or that was hard emotionally for ourselves. And then some of us have actually been through the big T kind of really big losses, really traumatic events. Abuse, or loss, or death or something like that. And, we have a way that we have sort of on autopilot handled these situations. It's like rehearsed. It is a pattern. It is historical.

A lot of times, for us, when we experience something like what we're doing now, we're going to go into that autopilot stress response, trauma response, and that can show up in a bunch of different ways. It can show up like control. I'm going to go into hyper control. I'm going to make sure that I consume all the news. I know exactly what's happening. I know what's coming. That sort of hyper alert state, obsessive thinking. That's one way that we respond to stress.

Another way would be denial. This is not happening. I'm not going to look at it. I'm not going to look at any news. I'm going to go about business as normal and totally be in denial. It could look like specific coping mechanisms. So, overeating, over drinking. It's really interesting to see some of the stuff that's coming out, even as a joke, or even as like memes about the drinking. It's like, "Oh, there's a coping mechanism of drinking."

It could look like, there's a lot of conversation around getting in shape right now. I'm going to use this time to get in shape. That's a coping mechanism, having control in our bodies. It could be binge watching Netflix. There's all different ways that we try to disassociate, distract ourselves from the intensity, from the pain that's showing up, and so we use something secondary that kind of numbs out the fear, numbs out the anxiety.

Or, we go into a hyper emotional response, which is like total hysteria, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, difficulty sleeping. We could go into depression. These are just a couple ways that we have a habituated old, past trauma or stress response. I think, Teresa, what you were mentioning was you were picking up on that in the body. Like you were feeling that pit in the stomach. For those of us who are body aware, then oftentimes we'll feel that tightness in our chest, tightness in our shoulders. These are all ways that our body is responding, habitually responding to this heightened place of stress.

What's interesting as well is ... One, as you're going through the different ways to respond to this, I can see the different responses in different people. You know my husband Paul really well. Paul is going into fact, information, news overdrive. So he wants to watch the news, he watches the updates, he reads the things. He's getting all the reports. He wants to know it all. I'm going into the kind of, I do want to know but I don't want to get involved. So, it's like I will keep myself relatively informed, and then I just shut the door on it and I carry on and do what I'm doing.

But also, I have the default of I want to get in bed and drink a bottle of wine right now, and just wake me up when all this is done, because I don't want to have to deal with it. That's the most fascinating bit to me, and we were chatting very briefly and then we stopped, because we wanted to talk about this on here. I spoke to the group, to the academy, and I said, "How's everybody doing?" About a week ago. There was a generic kind of conversation going on about the people that work from home, the likes of me and you and a few of the academy members, where technically nothing has changed.

Actually for me in my world, I didn't lose many academy members. I have lost a couple, because obviously their business has been affected. There's a client on the agency side that had to stop because it was an event. But from a kind of income and a business point of view, and an amount of work I have to do point of view, that hasn't really changed either. So, technically I should be doing exactly what I'm doing, every single day.

Yet, we all agreed, to a greater or lesser extent, that for some reason we don't want to do it. Or, the motivation's not there. Or, our head is not in the right mindset. Even though I can tell myself, and this has come from all the work I've done with you, I can only control what I can control. I can only control my own mood. I can't affect the virus. I can't affect the news. I can't affect social media. So focus fully in on what I can control. There's still that thing that, God, any excuse just to go and like let's start another gin and tonic at three o'clock in the afternoon. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's weird. What do you think that is? Why is that affecting us?

I think it goes back to the battery analogy of really draining our batteries, and the collective energy. Because we're processing so much more information, especially if you're in a service-based industry where you are dealing with clients and customers who are all going through the same thing. You're having to hear the challenges and the struggles of what people are going through all day every day. It's like every time I get on the coaching call, for example, people are talking about it. If you are outside, like here we're going on...

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