On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I talk about why "you can’t get there from here."
Especially when "there" is a new way of thinking, being, and doing and “here” is you clinging to your same old stories, beliefs, and behaviors.
Telling a tale about a snowy dead-end street in my hometown, showing a fun stick-figure drawing that I did, and sharing some down-to-earth spiritual tools...
I dive into how taking tiny baby steps, developing some self-awareness, and committing to a simple Daily Spiritual Practice (DSP) can help you to finally let go of what’s familiar - so you can actually become the person you say you want to be!
KAREN KENNEY BIO:
Karen Kenney is a writer, speaker, podcaster, certified spiritual mentor, and coach.
She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent, and her no-bullshit approach to spirituality, self-development, and transformational work.
Karen helps people to navigate this whole “being human” experience using practical tools, universal principles and stories, and a variety of resources.
KK has been a yoga teacher for 25+ years, has been giving Thai Yoga Massage since 2008, and began teaching it in 2015.
She's also a Gateless Writing Instructor, and host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.
She coaches clients individually in her 1:1 program THE QUEST and via her HEART-TO-HEART DAYS using Voxer. She also leads a group program and community called THE NEST.
CONNECT WITH KAREN:
Website: http://karenkenney.com/
Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/
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YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney
It's the Karen Kenney show. Hey you guys.
Karen Kenney:Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm so excited to be here
Karen Kenney:today, and today I have, like, visual help, helping aids. Just,
Karen Kenney:just buckle, buckle up for safety. I'm going to tell you a
Karen Kenney:little story. I got some visual aids, and hopefully I'm going to
Karen Kenney:share something today that is helpful to you and that you can
Karen Kenney:apply to your life right away. That's one of the things about
Karen Kenney:this show, is besides just trying to spread a little more
Karen Kenney:love in the world, I'm also trying to either, I always say I
Karen Kenney:want to either educate or elevate or enlighten or
Karen Kenney:entertain, create some sort of emotional connection. You know,
Karen Kenney:everybody's got shit to do. Nobody wants to waste their
Karen Kenney:time. So if you're tuning in, I want to make it worth your
Karen Kenney:while. So we're just going to start off just by diving into
Karen Kenney:the title of this sucker, which is, you can't get there from
Karen Kenney:here. So recently, I was down in Lawrence mass, which is my
Karen Kenney:hometown. It's where I grew up, lawtown and and it was snowing
Karen Kenney:out. It was just like a shit show. There was like so much
Karen Kenney:snow everywhere. And if you've ever driven in, like a small,
Karen Kenney:little city or whatever, and there's a lot of snow, and the
Karen Kenney:snow banks get all pushed up, and there's nowhere to park or
Karen Kenney:whatever. So I was driving, it was dark, I was in a little bit
Karen Kenney:of a rush, and I was trying to get to a certain place, okay?
Karen Kenney:And as I was driving, all of a sudden, I looked and I was like,
Karen Kenney:Oh yeah, that's the street I want to take. And what I had
Karen Kenney:forgotten, because I hadn't driven on this road in a really
Karen Kenney:long time in, like, because, like, I'm talking like probably
Karen Kenney:35 years, if not more, is that there were two streets right
Karen Kenney:after each other that have the similar name. One is like
Karen Kenney:reservoir terrace, the next one is like reservoir road, or
Karen Kenney:whatever, and I banged the left, unfortunately, onto reservoir
Karen Kenney:terrace, which was a dead end street. It's a tiny little
Karen Kenney:street I just saw when I was driving reservoir, and I like
Karen Kenney:whipped in there. And, of course, all right, so imagine
Karen Kenney:all the snow, all the houses are like, like duplexes and triple
Karen Kenney:deck is and there's barely any driveways. There's no place to
Karen Kenney:turn around, and it's a dead end street, so I'm going down, and
Karen Kenney:I'm lined on each side by cars, okay? And then in front of me is
Karen Kenney:a car coming towards me. When I realized this is a dead end and
Karen Kenney:I also realize I have no place to back up. And I'm like, oh my
Karen Kenney:god, I'm gonna have to, like, throw my arm over the back of
Karen Kenney:the seat, you know, over the passenger seat, and, like, back
Karen Kenney:up, like, in the dock, in the snow while there's a lot of
Karen Kenney:traffic coming up April Street. I was like, Oh my God, thank you
Karen Kenney:baby Jesus at the very end, because I was like, I'm gonna
Karen Kenney:have to back out into this busy intersection. I don't know how
Karen Kenney:I'm gonna do this, but fortunately, right there was a
Karen Kenney:driveway I could like, you know, back up into and then the guy in
Karen Kenney:the truck could go right past me. But one of the things I
Karen Kenney:realized, and that I heard in my head, is that I knew where I was
Karen Kenney:trying to get to, but I could not get there from here because
Karen Kenney:it was a dead end street, and I had gone down the wrong road.
Karen Kenney:And it made me think of this old kind of like story, like, and
Karen Kenney:it's, I don't know why, it's always usually given like an old
Karen Kenney:main farmer, like some farmer from Maine, and there's a couple
Karen Kenney:like, driving out, you know, in the, you know, in the land or
Karen Kenney:whatever, and they're driving, and they stop and out, they see
Karen Kenney:this guy, and they on his tractor or whatever, and they
Karen Kenney:stop and ask him for directions. And they're like, Hey, we're
Karen Kenney:trying to get to so and so. And he's like, I Yeah, but you can't
Karen Kenney:get there from here. That's how it is sometimes, and I want to
Karen Kenney:apply this to our everyday lives. And here's the thing, we
Karen Kenney:often want things, whether it's actually physical things,
Karen Kenney:whether it's internal things. And we'll get more specific in a
Karen Kenney:moment, right? We often want new things, better things, different
Karen Kenney:things, whatever it is. And the problem that most people have is
Karen Kenney:that they're trying to get there, but they cannot get there
Karen Kenney:from here, from where they're coming from, what they're doing,
Karen Kenney:what they're thinking, right? And one of the things is, is
Karen Kenney:that they aren't willing yet. And I always like to say yet,
Karen Kenney:because I believe in the power of the capacity for change, is
Karen Kenney:that we have to be willing to let go of what's familiar. We
Karen Kenney:have to be willing to let go of the here to get to there, and
Karen Kenney:you can't hold on to the familiar, the known, the
Karen Kenney:pattern, the habit, the way that you've been thinking and doing
Karen Kenney:and speaking and behaving. And expect to get the new different
Karen Kenney:better thing, the new different, better experience or feeling or
Karen Kenney:outcome or relationship or whatever it is, we're not going
Karen Kenney:to be able to get there from here if we insist on holding on
Karen Kenney:to the way we've always done things, the way we've always
Karen Kenney:thought, the way we've always believed the stories we insist
Karen Kenney:on telling about ourselves, our own capacity, and others, the
Karen Kenney:world, etc. And the challenge is, is that the brain right?
Karen Kenney:Just the chemistry of the brain. The brain likes the familiar.
Karen Kenney:That's how it finds safety. And the nervous system is always
Karen Kenney:seeking safety. So if you have a brain that likes what's
Karen Kenney:familiar, that's how it learns. That's how it kind of imprints
Karen Kenney:on everything around it's always in comparison and using what
Karen Kenney:we've already experienced, what we already think, what we
Karen Kenney:already know, believe in the stories we tell, the identity
Karen Kenney:that we have. And it's like going into the new that's why
Karen Kenney:people are like, you know, their comfort zones, they often don't
Karen Kenney:like to leave them, because even though there might be a better
Karen Kenney:opportunity, a better relationship, a better
Karen Kenney:situation, a better feeling, a better outcome, over there, they
Karen Kenney:cannot get there from here. So we have to be willing. And so
Karen Kenney:this is where, like, the little visual comes in. I did this
Karen Kenney:little drawing, and my sweetie and I were talking about this
Karen Kenney:the other day, and he was demonstrating this. It's so fun.
Karen Kenney:This is a little drawing of my sweetie. So those of you who are
Karen Kenney:listening and not watching, I'm going to describe what's on this
Karen Kenney:piece of paper that I drew, I used to love to draw stick men.
Karen Kenney:This is a whole that's a whole other story, and we're back. So
Karen Kenney:I used to love to draw stick men to do things. Okay, so I'm going
Karen Kenney:to show you there's a little stick man, and he has his arms
Karen Kenney:reached out in two different directions. Okay, now his left
Karen Kenney:arm, and if you're watching this, the left hand is the one
Karen Kenney:with the red arrows right, and with his left hand, he's holding
Karen Kenney:on to these old things, right? And it's old thoughts, old
Karen Kenney:patterns, old beliefs, old stories, old behaviors and an
Karen Kenney:old identity. And he's holding on to it tight. He's got a good
Karen Kenney:grip on it. But in his right hand, his right hand is
Karen Kenney:reaching, and it's like trying to reach across the divide. And
Karen Kenney:on the right side, I just drew some symbols that might, you
Karen Kenney:know, just symbolize some things that a person might want. They
Karen Kenney:might want more time, they might want more love or a better
Karen Kenney:relationship. They might want this little happy face. So
Karen Kenney:there's like a little clock for time. There's a hat for love,
Karen Kenney:relationship, whatever. There's a little smiley face for more
Karen Kenney:happiness, right? Then there's a money sign. Maybe somebody wants
Karen Kenney:more money or more savings or more income or whatever. And
Karen Kenney:then there's, there's a peace symbol. Maybe somebody wants
Karen Kenney:more inner peace, or wants more compassion, or whatever it might
Karen Kenney:be, right? I also almost drew a muscle like, maybe somebody
Karen Kenney:wants more health or fitness or whatever it is. But, you know,
Karen Kenney:there's a gazillion things I could have drawn here. But the
Karen Kenney:point of this little visual is, I want you to think about it.
Karen Kenney:This person is so like insisting on holding on. I'm tapping it
Karen Kenney:over here. They're so insisting on holding on to these old ways,
Karen Kenney:this old thinking, this old behavior, this old way of being
Karen Kenney:and believing. And they're saying, right? They'll say like,
Karen Kenney:Oh, but I can't reach it, I can't have it, I can't be it, I
Karen Kenney:can't do it right? And I'm like, You're right. You can't. You
Karen Kenney:can't do it, not if you're insisting on also holding on to
Karen Kenney:these old things, these familiar things, these former things,
Karen Kenney:these former versions of you, these former ways of thinking
Karen Kenney:and being. And a lot of times, what people really want, and my
Karen Kenney:sweetie and I talk about this all the time is they want the
Karen Kenney:new thing without letting go of the old thing. They want
Karen Kenney:outcomes without doing the work of change. They want
Karen Kenney:transformation without
Karen Kenney:actually doing the things that they need to do, thinking, the
Karen Kenney:things they need to think, becoming the person they need to
Karen Kenney:become. Everybody wants change, but most people don't want to
Karen Kenney:change, and so we just want to be able to keep doing the same
Karen Kenney:old bullshit, but have a different outcome, but you
Karen Kenney:cannot get there from here. We have to be willing. We have to
Karen Kenney:be willing to let go of those old ways. Ways of being. We have
Karen Kenney:to let go of the old version of you. You gotta let go of what
Karen Kenney:you've known and what you've done. And you know, that's that
Karen Kenney:thing where you hear people say, Well, that's the way we've
Karen Kenney:always done it, that's the way it's always been. That's just
Karen Kenney:the way they are, that's just the way I am. And I'm like,
Karen Kenney:that's fine. We can, we can say that, and we can keep things
Karen Kenney:just as they are, but you cannot get there to that new place that
Karen Kenney:promised land, that new outcome, that new way of feeling, that
Karen Kenney:new relationship, more money, all those things, if you insist
Karen Kenney:on staying here doing the same old shit. And so I kind of broke
Karen Kenney:it down into like these two sentences that I think can be
Karen Kenney:very helpful. People will say so at the end of this, just like
Karen Kenney:fill in the blank, right? But the first sentence is usually
Karen Kenney:this, I want to be the kind of person who fill in the blank,
Karen Kenney:and the second response of the response is, well, then you have
Karen Kenney:to stop being if you want to start to be the kind of person
Karen Kenney:who fill in the blanks, then you have to stop being the kind of
Karen Kenney:person who fill in the blank. I will give you an example. You
Karen Kenney:might say, I want to be the kind of person who starts getting up
Karen Kenney:at 5am I would say, then you have to stop being the kind of
Karen Kenney:person who stays up until midnight, scrolling on their
Karen Kenney:stupid phone, because you can't be both, or you can try, but
Karen Kenney:you're going to be exhausted because you're not going to get
Karen Kenney:enough sleep. You know what I'm saying? Or you might say, I want
Karen Kenney:to be, I'm making these up. I want to be the kind of person
Karen Kenney:who stops complaining so much, stops whining so much, right?
Karen Kenney:Well, then you have to stop being the kind of person who
Karen Kenney:appreciates what they have. You might be. Need to be the kind of
Karen Kenney:person that practices a little more gratitude. You know, it's
Karen Kenney:like, okay, I want to be the kind of person, because they
Karen Kenney:always tell you, you want to have three to six months of
Karen Kenney:savings, and in your emergency fund, in your savings, right?
Karen Kenney:And you might say, Okay, I want to be the kind of person who has
Karen Kenney:an emergency savings fund of like, at least three to six
Karen Kenney:months. Okay, well, then you have to be a person who makes a
Karen Kenney:plan or makes a budget or stops buying shit you don't really
Karen Kenney:need. This is about becoming and this is about though baby steps.
Karen Kenney:Because a lot of times we think, oh, I want to make this change.
Karen Kenney:I want to have whatever it is, more health, more peace, more
Karen Kenney:love, more money, more fill whatever it is, right, more
Karen Kenney:success, right? I want to have more strength. I want to have
Karen Kenney:better cardio. I want to have less high blood brain. I want to
Karen Kenney:have better blood pressure. Or I want to lower my cholesterol.
Karen Kenney:Yeah, you want to lower your cross cholesterol. Stop eating
Karen Kenney:all those dead animals in the in the byproducts of animals,
Karen Kenney:right? That's one of the fastest ways to start to change that.
Karen Kenney:Okay, so, but it's about taking baby steps. We can't usually
Karen Kenney:just swoop in and, like, go cold turkey and do 100% now, there
Karen Kenney:are certain things you want to go cold turkey on right? If you
Karen Kenney:want to be somebody who is not, let's say that you're somebody
Karen Kenney:who has, you know, substance use, with substance abuse or
Karen Kenney:substance overuse or whatever, with alcohol or whatever, yeah,
Karen Kenney:those situations going cold turkey might be really, really
Karen Kenney:smart, but with personality and just patterns and ways of
Karen Kenney:thinking and believing, right? Sometimes we just might want to
Karen Kenney:start or going to the gym or saving more money, right? It's
Karen Kenney:not all of a sudden, like you're just gonna pull like $10,000 out
Karen Kenney:of your ass. You might have to, like, little baby steps. You
Karen Kenney:know what I'm saying? So it's about becoming, it's about baby
Karen Kenney:steps, and it's also, here's the big one, becoming the kind of
Karen Kenney:person who baby steps, like, build on those tiny little wins,
Karen Kenney:set little goals so that you can actually accomplish them, and
Karen Kenney:then you feel victorious, and you get like, Yes, I can do
Karen Kenney:this. And you kind of build on your little victories and your
Karen Kenney:successes. And then it's about being able to pause long enough
Karen Kenney:to recognize that you're about to think, say or do the old
Karen Kenney:pattern. That's one of the biggest things. It's all great
Karen Kenney:and fine and dandy to say, I want a thing. I want to be the
Karen Kenney:kind of my hair is like crazy right now. I want to be the kind
Karen Kenney:of person who, or I want to be able to, or I want to stop, or
Karen Kenney:stat, or whatever the thing is. But if you can't catch yourself
Karen Kenney:in the act if you're not even aware that you're about to do
Karen Kenney:the thing at some point, we have to be able to have the
Karen Kenney:awareness, enough awareness to be able to pause and observe our
Karen Kenney:thinking, our saying. In our doing or are about to do. I
Karen Kenney:mean, ideally, if we can catch it before we even do it, before
Karen Kenney:the words leave our mouth, before the the HO, HO gets in
Karen Kenney:the mouth, before the whatever, the thing that you're about to
Karen Kenney:say, think, believe, do you know that's ideal. But even if you
Karen Kenney:can catch yourself in the act and stop yourself, pump the
Karen Kenney:brakes, hit the pause button. That's like, really, really,
Karen Kenney:really big. And if we can put a pause in your pattern, right,
Karen Kenney:your patterns of behaviors, or your patterns of thinking, you
Karen Kenney:can put a pause in your mind so that you can make a different
Karen Kenney:choice. That's like a superpower. And so much of this
Karen Kenney:just comes down to again, so often, you know, when I think
Karen Kenney:about why I talk about having a DSP and a daily spiritual
Karen Kenney:practice, why it's so important, because one of the components of
Karen Kenney:at least the way that I talk about, in and teach and share
Karen Kenney:about having a DSP is that some of the first steps are number
Karen Kenney:one, like slowing down, like helping you and your nervous
Karen Kenney:system so that you can start your your mind, your body, so
Karen Kenney:it's like your brain, your body right, your breathing, all these
Karen Kenney:things so that we can start To slow down, so that we can
Karen Kenney:actually experience, like a pause. We can we can get in that
Karen Kenney:place. So if we learn how to slow down, if we learn how to
Karen Kenney:deepen our breath, because when we when we change our breath, we
Karen Kenney:change our physiological state right, which also, over time,
Karen Kenney:will help our mental state right. And this is why I'll talk
Karen Kenney:about, like having a DSP, because learning how to slow
Karen Kenney:down and learning how to meditate, and we often think
Karen Kenney:that meditation is just like quieting all of my thoughts, and
Karen Kenney:I have to silence myself, and I have to sit very still. Yeah,
Karen Kenney:there are forms of meditation where you do sit still, where
Karen Kenney:you do get quiet, huh? It doesn't mean all your thoughts.
Karen Kenney:We're not trying to silence the mind. Good luck with that,
Karen Kenney:right? We want to quiet it a little bit, turn it down, the
Karen Kenney:volume a little bit. But the mind is going to mind. The brain
Karen Kenney:is going to brain. It's going to do what it does, which is it
Karen Kenney:thinks thoughts, right? Does all kinds of things. But one of the
Karen Kenney:things it does, it thinks thoughts, right? But if we can
Karen Kenney:start to slow things down, and we can start to get a little
Karen Kenney:more self aware, so that there's a pause so we can choose who and
Karen Kenney:how we want to be. Right to me, meditation and having a DSP,
Karen Kenney:these are the things that lead to freedom and happiness. Being
Karen Kenney:able to train your mind, train your senses, it's such a
Karen Kenney:powerful thing, okay? And there, like I said, there's, there's
Karen Kenney:1000 ways to meditate. I have some very simple ones that I
Karen Kenney:teach people. One of the main ones is like passage meditation,
Karen Kenney:which was taught to me from eknashwaran, which is like
Karen Kenney:meditation on a passage like, it's like memorizing, let's say
Karen Kenney:the prayer of St Francis, right? Make me an instrument of thy
Karen Kenney:peace where there is hatred, let me sow love, etc, etc, right?
Karen Kenney:For some people, it might be the Serenity Prayer, whatever it is
Karen Kenney:you meditate on that passage, the Buddha is said to have said,
Karen Kenney:right, that we become what we think we become what we meditate
Karen Kenney:on, if we want to be more more peaceful, then we meditate on
Karen Kenney:that peacefulness, right? If we want to become more loving, not
Karen Kenney:only do we meditate upon it, but we also practice it, right? We
Karen Kenney:want to become more like I said, more patient, more loving, more
Karen Kenney:kind, whatever. So passage meditation is really powerful.
Karen Kenney:Repetition of a mantra can be very powerful, a very simple
Karen Kenney:meditation where you're keeping your awareness on your breath.
Karen Kenney:And you can just start with like, five minutes, 10 minutes.
Karen Kenney:Maybe I'll do a whole little maybe I'll do a whole other
Karen Kenney:episode on just a little quick little meditation practice, but
Karen Kenney:learning how right to just kind of sit your ass down and again,
Karen Kenney:I know for some people, that's sitting still, but there's
Karen Kenney:walking meditation, there's mindfulness, right? Walking with
Karen Kenney:being mindful, or just even throughout your day, having
Karen Kenney:these little moments of mindfulness and connection can
Karen Kenney:be a really big thing, okay? And we'll get into that. But so much
Karen Kenney:of being able to change, right, is actually being aware that
Karen Kenney:you're doing the thing that you actually don't want to be doing,
Karen Kenney:that you're doing the the here, when
Karen Kenney:you're trying to eventually get there. And I'm all into be here
Karen Kenney:now, but part of being here now is recognizing, right, what
Karen Kenney:you're doing in the here, what you're thinking, what you're
Karen Kenney:saying what you're believing. Okay, now here's one of the
Karen Kenney:things people will often say to me, like, but it's so hard, it's
Karen Kenney:really hard. Like, like, being vulnerable is hard, or being
Karen Kenney:honest sometimes is hard, or speaking my truth is hard. Or
Karen Kenney:what? Don't fill in the blank, right? We know that when we try
Karen Kenney:to change behaviors, we'll often say, but it's hard, and I'll
Karen Kenney:often say, like, and this was something that you know,
Karen Kenney:Marianne Williamson used to say at her lectures, and it always
Karen Kenney:made me laugh. And I'm like, Yeah, as if being miserable is
Karen Kenney:easy, as if being in that old pattern and way of being is
Karen Kenney:easy, as if your suffering is easy, What's hard is it's not so
Karen Kenney:much. I would say that the easier that you can let go.
Karen Kenney:Right of the old things come back to this picture, the easier
Karen Kenney:that you can just take your hand off the wheel, take your hand
Karen Kenney:off it. Stop doing the old thoughts and patterns and
Karen Kenney:beliefs and stories and behaviors and identity, right?
Karen Kenney:The easier you can just let it go. The easier the next thing
Karen Kenney:can come in. The easier that you just let go of the past, right?
Karen Kenney:The previous the former. The easier it is for the new you,
Karen Kenney:the new version, the new behavior, the new belief, to get
Karen Kenney:wired in, to have a new experience, right? To have the
Karen Kenney:thing that you actually want. It's not often that it's hard,
Karen Kenney:it's that it's unfamiliar. It's new that seems scary, that's
Karen Kenney:valid, but it's not that. It's actually usually hard. And I
Karen Kenney:tell this story, right? So I do this exercise with people. I've
Karen Kenney:done it when I've, when I've, you know, had speaking gigs and
Karen Kenney:stuff in the past. I'll often bring people, or a person up on
Karen Kenney:stage, and I do this in yoga class sometimes too, and I'll
Karen Kenney:have them hold a yoga block, and I have them stick their arms out
Karen Kenney:straight, straight off their shoulders, like straight off
Karen Kenney:their body, like they're walking like a zombie, right? And or
Karen Kenney:they're hypnotized, or whatever. You know that old, the old
Karen Kenney:Scooby Doo hypnotized when your arms are out in front, okay? So
Karen Kenney:their arms are out in front and between their two hands,
Karen Kenney:probably about like, six inches, or whatever, a pot they're
Karen Kenney:holding a thick yoga block, and I have them hold that block out
Karen Kenney:in and they're just holding on to it, and they're squeezing.
Karen Kenney:And I have them do this for like five minutes sometimes, but I'm
Karen Kenney:talking to them through the whole time, right? And I'll say,
Karen Kenney:no, no. So how is this? How's holding this? And in the
Karen Kenney:beginning, it's not too bad, right? And then over time, their
Karen Kenney:arms start to get tired. Their arms start to shake. Because
Karen Kenney:I'll say, no, no, keep holding on, hold on harder. Hold on
Karen Kenney:harder. Right? Of course, the block is symbolizing whatever
Karen Kenney:the belief, the story, the history, the thing, the habit,
Karen Kenney:whatever it is the addiction, whatever the thing is, you know,
Karen Kenney:symbolizing for them, representing for them. And I'll
Karen Kenney:say, no, no, keep holding on to it. And their arms are starting
Karen Kenney:to shake, and their face is getting all like, ah. And I'll
Karen Kenney:say, and after doing this for a long time, and I'll say, Okay,
Karen Kenney:now let it go. And they finally drop it, and I'll say to them,
Karen Kenney:how was that right? I'll say, which was harder holding on to
Karen Kenney:the old thing or simply letting it go. And there has to be a
Karen Kenney:certain amount of willingness, right? There's a temptation to
Karen Kenney:hold on to the old thing, because we think we're safe
Karen Kenney:there. We think we're safe there, because we know this,
Karen Kenney:even if it's a hell, you're like, I know this brand of hell,
Karen Kenney:right? We're too we're too afraid of like, an aspect of
Karen Kenney:something new. It's what we call the there's the unsafe known,
Karen Kenney:the thing that you know, even though it may not be good for
Karen Kenney:you, versus the safe unknown. That thing might be safe, but
Karen Kenney:you and your nervous system don't know it yet. Don't believe
Karen Kenney:it yet, can't trust it yet, right? So even though the thing
Karen Kenney:over there might be better for us, the person, or the
Karen Kenney:situation, or whatever the job, whatever it is, might be better.
Karen Kenney:We don't, you know, it can be a little little hard, but when you
Karen Kenney:hold on to that visual, and you can even do it for yourself,
Karen Kenney:just get something and stick your arms out and try to hold on
Karen Kenney:to it and squeeze it and get tighter and tighter, like, you
Karen Kenney:know, and then, and then, I'm like, and now drop it well,
Karen Kenney:letting it go is actually easier, but mentally, we put all
Karen Kenney:these attachments onto it. But remember, the easier that you
Karen Kenney:can let go, the easier it is for the new thing, the new pattern,
Karen Kenney:the new behavior, the new belief, whatever, the new story
Karen Kenney:for it to come in. And it's not hard, it just requires a little
Karen Kenney:bit more willingness, it requires a little bit more
Karen Kenney:focus. It might require a little bit more effort, a little bit
Karen Kenney:more commitment or consistency, a little bit more
Karen Kenney:accountability, right? That's the thing. It's not hard. It's
Karen Kenney:simply unfamiliar. It's simply new. And this is why I said we
Karen Kenney:go back to the baby steps. It's about becoming, right? It's
Karen Kenney:about practicing. It's about those baby steps, those little
Karen Kenney:wins. And whether it's like, you know, as somebody who does Thai
Karen Kenney:Yoga massage, right, people will say to me, Oh, I'm so tight, you
Karen Kenney:know, so. Tight. I really need to stretch more. And I'll be
Karen Kenney:like, well, you can, you could always just start stretching on
Karen Kenney:your own. You could always come to one of my yoga classes. You
Karen Kenney:could always come and get a Thai Yoga massage. But if you insist
Karen Kenney:on just keep doing the same old shit, which is not stretching at
Karen Kenney:all, and then you wonder, why? Oh, my hips hurt, my back hurts,
Karen Kenney:my neck hurts, my my jaw, everything, everything's tight,
Karen Kenney:right? My glutes are tight, my calves, everything's tight.
Karen Kenney:Everything hurts when I stand, when I move. I'm like, Well, are
Karen Kenney:you doing any movement? Are you doing any stretching? Are you
Karen Kenney:doing any flexibility or mobility work? Right? When
Karen Kenney:people like, oh, I can barely carry my grocery okay, I use
Karen Kenney:strength training at all? Do you know what I mean? It's like,
Karen Kenney:people might say like, oh, I want to be stronger. I want to
Karen Kenney:be more fit. Or, you know, you hear it a lot with like, as
Karen Kenney:folks are aging and they're getting older, and they're like,
Karen Kenney:I have grandkids now, I can't get up off the floor. I can't
Karen Kenney:even put my socks on without sitting down. I'm like, Okay,
Karen Kenney:you can keep doing what you've been doing. You can keep telling
Karen Kenney:yourself that story and look, I'm not saying people don't have
Karen Kenney:real physical limitations. Of course, sometimes you do. You
Karen Kenney:have an injury, you have a situation, whatever. I'm just
Karen Kenney:saying whatever. The thing is, when you say, I want to be the
Karen Kenney:kind of person who and you fill in that blank, saves money, goes
Karen Kenney:back to church, starts donating more, makes more money, whatever
Karen Kenney:your thing is, right? Then you have to stop being the kind of
Karen Kenney:person who fill in the blank whatever the old behavior is.
Karen Kenney:But you cannot get there from here without some shit changing.
Karen Kenney:And whether that's the way you're thinking about it, the
Karen Kenney:way you're perceiving it, the way you're going about it,
Karen Kenney:right? Your willingness to stop doing the old behaviors, or to
Karen Kenney:start doing, you know what I'm saying. So I want, I want to
Karen Kenney:just share this to help you think about it. Because, and I'm
Karen Kenney:holding up the picture again. I know so many people who say they
Karen Kenney:want, I'm pointing at this, the peace symbol, the money symbol,
Karen Kenney:the happiness, the connection, the love, the intimacy, more
Karen Kenney:time, more patience, whatever it is they say they want it, but
Karen Kenney:they're not willing to stop doing the other things. They're
Karen Kenney:not willing to be a little more brave or a little more
Karen Kenney:courageous, and not willing to be bad at something like to try
Karen Kenney:and to make mistakes. They're not willing to fall on their
Karen Kenney:face. They're not willing to, like, go for it and show that
Karen Kenney:they really want something, because what if they get
Karen Kenney:rejected, or what if the other person's not doing their part,
Karen Kenney:or what if blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm like, Look, all
Karen Kenney:we can control is us and what we're doing and thinking and
Karen Kenney:saying and believing. I can't change the rest of the world. I
Karen Kenney:can't forcibly, like, make those things change, the way that the
Karen Kenney:world slowly changes is enough individuals doing the work on
Karen Kenney:themselves and with themselves right to create different
Karen Kenney:experiences within themselves where maybe right. They're more
Karen Kenney:happy, they're more peaceful, they have more energy, they have
Karen Kenney:more patience. They have more compassion. Sometimes they have
Karen Kenney:more more. They're listening better to their own internal
Karen Kenney:rage, right? They're acknowledging and honoring their
Karen Kenney:symptoms and their feelings. They're not trying to fix
Karen Kenney:themselves into oblivion. They're not thinking, Oh, I'm
Karen Kenney:fucked up, I'm screwed up, I'm broken. They just might be aware
Karen Kenney:that there's been some things, but sometimes those things that
Karen Kenney:we don't like about ourselves. This is a whole other episode.
Karen Kenney:You know, people. I'll just go here. I'll take a tiny, tiny,
Karen Kenney:tiny right detour. If you tell somebody that they shouldn't
Karen Kenney:feel angry, they need to get rid of their anger right now. I'm
Karen Kenney:not talking people. I'm not talking people who are going out
Karen Kenney:into the world and inflicting harm on people or themselves.
Karen Kenney:I'm just saying, you know, sometimes people don't like when
Karen Kenney:women are angry. They call angry women. Sometimes women need to
Karen Kenney:get fucking angry so that we'll stop putting up with nonsense,
Karen Kenney:right? Sometimes that anger is theirs, because when you were a
Karen Kenney:kid, somebody put their hands on you, and you couldn't say no,
Karen Kenney:because you didn't have any power, because you were a little
Karen Kenney:kid, and that anger is going to be the thing that allows you to
Karen Kenney:now use your voice or say no or say stop, or to make a change or
Karen Kenney:to end the relationship or to leave, or whatever the thing is.
Karen Kenney:So we'd like to pathologize everything and label things
Karen Kenney:good, bad, whatever. I'm not saying that all the old things
Karen Kenney:are horrible that you need to change everything. But if
Karen Kenney:certain things are causing you pain and suffering and they're
Karen Kenney:getting
Karen Kenney:in the way of you having these things over here on the right
Karen Kenney:that you say that you want, then there has to be a willingness.
Karen Kenney:And I'm pointing back to that hand with the red arrows that's
Karen Kenney:holding on to the old ways. Right? You cannot get here,
Karen Kenney:right? Or you cannot get there. I'm pointing at the new ones
Karen Kenney:from here. By doing the same old, same old, there has to be
Karen Kenney:some willingness to change. So I hope this has been, I don't
Karen Kenney:know, helpful in some way, beneficial in some way. And if
Karen Kenney:it has, share it with somebody. Share this. I. Episode with
Karen Kenney:somebody, right? And just maybe take a few moments to get clear
Karen Kenney:with yourself if there's some part of you that's trying to
Karen Kenney:become if there's some part of you that wants to be a new way,
Karen Kenney:or think a new way, you know, these are all the things that
Karen Kenney:like we do in the nest. We talk about meditation, we talk about
Karen Kenney:daily spiritual practice. We talk about just the whole being
Karen Kenney:human experience, and what are some really good resources and
Karen Kenney:tools for creating change and transformation in our life?
Karen Kenney:Should we need it and want it? And here's the thing, when
Karen Kenney:you're trying to make change, you want to put yourself in
Karen Kenney:environments where change is already happening, where change
Karen Kenney:is the normal thing. But if you want, if you want to become
Karen Kenney:somebody who wants to become more patient, you don't go join
Karen Kenney:in. You don't go and join the impatient people's group. You
Karen Kenney:know what I mean when you're trying to make change? This is
Karen Kenney:why, like, if you're trying to make change. And yes, of course,
Karen Kenney:if you're self motivated, you can work out at home, in your
Karen Kenney:basement, buy a whole gym, do all that stuff. But if you're
Karen Kenney:somebody who wants to create change in your physical capacity
Karen Kenney:and your strength, your cardio, whatever, that's why people join
Karen Kenney:gyms. They go to the place where that new behavior is normalized.
Karen Kenney:It's already happening. You can be influenced. You can be
Karen Kenney:inspired, right? So if everybody that you hang out with are
Karen Kenney:negative Nellies and you're trying to have more positivity
Karen Kenney:and gratitude or whatever in your life, right? You might want
Karen Kenney:to, like, find a place where that's happening. And the nest
Karen Kenney:is one of those places where change work is going on. So I'm
Karen Kenney:saying, and if you want to learn more about the nest or any of
Karen Kenney:the stuff that I do, just go to Karen kenney.com right? It's so
Karen Kenney:easy to find all the things that I'm up to, yoga and Thai Yoga,
Karen Kenney:massage and the nest. And my hot to hot days, my hot to hot days
Karen Kenney:are really fun. It's just like having a coach in your pocket.
Karen Kenney:It's like three hours of coaching over Voxer, a Voice
Karen Kenney:app. It's so easy. You don't even have to put on makeup, get
Karen Kenney:on a call, do anything, right? You can just talk to me through
Karen Kenney:the phone. It's so much fun. All those things are on my website
Karen Kenney:right the nest, and coaching and Thai Yoga, massage, all that
Karen Kenney:shit, so you can find it all there. So you guys, I love
Karen Kenney:spending a little bit of time with you today. I hope wherever
Karen Kenney:you are and whatever you're doing, you're having some sort
Karen Kenney:of fun. It is. It is insane out there. It is insane out there,
Karen Kenney:but there's always hope. We just saw this past weekend that there
Karen Kenney:was a shit ton of people out for the no kings protests, and it
Karen Kenney:just feels good to know that there are a lot of people out
Karen Kenney:there that care about themselves, care about justice,
Karen Kenney:care about what's right and what's fair, and they care about
Karen Kenney:their fellow human beings in the environment, etc. And so that
Karen Kenney:that was hopeful. All right. Well, thank you so much for
Karen Kenney:tuning in. Wherever you go, wherever you go, may you leave
Karen Kenney:the animals and the people and yourself and the planet in the
Karen Kenney:environment better than how you found it wherever you go. May
Karen Kenney:you and your presence and your love and your energy be a
Karen Kenney:blessing. Bye. Hey. Thanks so much for listening to the show.
Karen Kenney:I really love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the
Karen Kenney:show or know someone that could benefit from this episode,
Karen Kenney:please share it with them and help me to spread the good word
Karen Kenney:and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my
Karen Kenney:upcoming shenanigans, head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign up
Karen Kenney:and join my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch.
Karen Kenney:Bye. You.