Financial Empowerment Through Life's Transitions with Victoria Kirilloff

In this episode of Saddle Up Live, host Lesa welcomes financial expert Victoria to discuss her inspiring journey and practical financial advice, especially for women. Victoria shares personal stories from her upbringing with a financially astute father who taught her the importance of understanding and communicating financial facts. The discussion covers the importance of women getting involved in financial matters, budgeting, and dealing with financial transitions such as divorce or the death of a spouse. Victoria offers insights into mindful spending and the impact of childhood trauma on financial behaviors, concluding with actionable advice on financial planning and the importance of having the right financial advisor.

00:00 Welcome and Introduction

00:43 Victoria's Financial Expertise and Background

01:53 Victoria's Childhood and Financial Lessons

06:19 The Importance of Financial Preparedness

11:21 Finding the Right Financial Advisor

16:04 Empowering Women in Financial Matters

22:33 Addressing Childhood Trauma and Financial Habits

26:02 Conclusion and Future Topics

Victoria Kirilloff, CDFA®, NCPM®, CDS®, was at a crossroads in a decade-long, financially entangled relationship that had turned toxic. To find her way out, she leveraged her background in financial analysis, creating the first Global Settlement Proposal and divorce report. This helped her and her partner reach a peaceful separation, sparking an idea: she could help others navigate divorce with financial clarity and empowerment.

Victoria went on to found Divorce Analytics, a firm dedicated to making the financial side of divorce transparent and productive. By focusing on financial facts, she transforms divorce from a destructive process into one of empowerment.

Victoria has also released a 9-part Divorce Planning Kit, available at DivorceAnalytics.com/shop. Along with her many financial licenses, she’s a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, Certified Divorce Specialist®, and Nationally Certified Professional Mediator®.

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Frownies

Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton

Welcome listeners.

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I am very excited to have you here today.

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I have the beautiful Victoria Koff

with me, and I have to let you know.

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I don't care if you're

getting divorced or not.

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You need to go to doing divorce

different and listen to the podcast

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that we just did because it was

so enlightening and Victoria.

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shared her truly authentic,

heartfelt story to help women.

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And I'm touched and honored

that she spoke about it.

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And I think it's going to save lives.

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I, and then I'm not kidding, Victoria.

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So thank you for that.

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And it was completely unexpected.

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So I just, I love that.

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And I love this woman

sitting here in front of me.

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And the reason that I wanted Victoria

on Saddle Up Live is because.

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I see her as such a strong woman

and she's so good with finances.

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She's a financial expert.

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You can have all her

information in the show notes.

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And like I said, you can listen

to doing divorce different.

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She helps people through life transitions.

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And I feel like getting older

is just a life transition.

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I want to be more financially savvy.

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And I feel like a lot of women, I

mean, I have a lot of friends who like.

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They don't even know what's

going on with the finances.

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Well, ladies, why not?

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I have shied away from it.

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And suddenly I'm starting to get my

toe wet and I want to look at it.

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I want to understand it better.

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And my husband wants me to, he wants

me to help him and support him.

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So Victoria, I feel like I

remember, like, I loved you.

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I was so drawn to you.

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You have this horse story.

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We both love horses.

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And you had a cute story that made

me fall in love with your dad.

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And how we raised you.

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Can you share that?

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Because I think it's telling, and I

think it's probably why you're so good

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with finances and not afraid of them.

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And that doesn't mean that,

you know, an old grandma dog

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can't learn something from it.

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So can you, can you share that story?

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Yeah, it was my pleasure.

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I am standing on the shoulders

of a giant and, uh, my father,

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man, he was Ahead of his time.

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And he knew that, well, to begin with,

he was a Russian nuclear engineer that

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worked for the CIA during the cold war.

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Wow.

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I don't know if I knew that either.

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Seriously, like out of a, like a

John Carr novel, he was just the most

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amazing man and he had moved to the

private sector by the time I was born

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and developed a type of train break.

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And so.

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He, um, met my mom in Nebraska as

he was selling to the Union Pacific.

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And he had me later in life.

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He was about 50 years old and my mom

and I, um, essentially we, well, I

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got this, the wonderful experience

of being raised at his knee and my

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dad's goal was for me to really take

over the family's engineering and

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manufacturing business, but I was the

only girl and I was the only child.

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And so he was.

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He's very invested in me becoming

a numerical communicator.

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And so I was in his board meetings

and I was watching him, how he would

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negotiate with his clients and deal with

the obstinate, but brilliant engineers

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and the bottom line driven executives.

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And they all had very

domineering personalities.

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But the way Papa would make

deals and come together was by

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focusing on the financial facts.

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And he would always say, Victoria,

if it cannot be expressed in numbers,

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it could not be expressed at all.

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Gosh, it used to drive me nuts as a kid.

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Oh, but now I say it all the time.

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And so, um, this was just in our

household, everything Was related to

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some type of like mathematical operation.

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So, um, as a kid, I was horse crazy.

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I mean, I still am, but, uh, I had right

around the time I was eight years old.

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I had worn my parents down and

I had been begging for a horse.

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And my father said, okay, kid, if

you want a horse, I would like you to

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conduct a life cycle cost analysis.

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Yeah.

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And for you guys out there who don't

have horses, the horse is just the

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cheapest part of the whole thing.

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I mean, they're not like a

motorcycle that you can turn off.

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They continue to eat.

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And you know, the vets are going

to come out and there's going

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to be a very happy vet bill.

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So.

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You have to be aware of just how

much a horse is going to cost.

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Otherwise you can end up in a

negative financial situation.

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So my dad said, do the cost analysis.

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And I said, okay, that's not a no.

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So my mom took me around

to the barns and I.

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Scribble down all of the information.

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And as I went back and my dad was

helping me a little bit with the

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report, I realized that the horse

was going to take all of my time.

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So I asked my father to help me

calculate how much money we were

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spending on all of my activities.

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And my mom had me in like tap piano,

voice lessons, acting lessons.

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I had lacrosse.

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I mean, it was nuts.

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I was a very organized kid.

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And I realized with the horse.

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We weren't going to have

time for that anymore.

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So it would make sense if we reallocated

those funds to the pony instead.

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And yeah, it was still going to cost some

money, a lot of money, but it was doable.

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And so.

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I made this numerical argument and

I realized based off of how I saw my

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dad operate in that space, the more

that I leaned on the actual realities

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and the constraints and not Papa, I

want a pony, please buy it for me.

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He actually moved off his position and

I'm, you know, uh, not too long after

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that, Buster became a part of our family.

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Yeah, but it's solidified in my mind.

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Like how I could use numbers.

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to get what I want.

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And so that then formed the

foundation of my divorce business.

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It's how I extracted myself

out of a very abusive situation

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with my ex who I call Voldemort.

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But, you know, as you were talking about

earlier, Lisa, a lot of women have been

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held outside of the financial operations.

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Either it's how their family set up or

it's just kind of how the cards lay.

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And my parents had a very

traditional marriage where my dad

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worked and my mom, um, up until

I was 10, stayed at home with me.

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And my dad realized that, you know,

my role as being head of household,

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essentially, when he was gone, Was

to be the financial communicator

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between my parents and their

advisor, my mom and their advisor.

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So not only did my dad have me in board

meetings, I was also being inundated

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with, uh, information and how to manage

the family assets after he passed away.

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So this, you know, I never really

thought I would have to use it so

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soon, but my dad was 50 when he had me.

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And when I was 25 years old, he

suffered a catastrophic stroke

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and it was so debilitating.

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I watched it.

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He survived for 12 years after that.

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And it was so hard.

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to watch, but he never lost

his indomitable personality.

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And he always had a smile on his face.

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But, um, part of this was

very challenging because

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the second financial report I wrote was

on long term care insurance as a kid.

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And my dad knew He knew that he was

going to step on God's bus before my

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mom and, um, there was going to like,

who knows what he was really exposed

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to while working for the government.

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And I was concerned.

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And so he had me at his knee

researching out and, uh, these,

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life insurance policies or sorry,

long term care insurance policies.

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And I took the information to our

financial advisor with my mom and we sat

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together and we talked about it and our

advisor, he said, this is cute, Victoria.

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You have enough money though.

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Your parents can self insure.

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So let's take the money and throw it into

a real estate investment trust instead.

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So my parents, went with him thinking that

he was looking out for our best interest.

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And it wasn't until I became a financial

advisor that I realized this dude wasn't

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even licensed to sell insurance products.

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And he was only concerned

about his bottom line.

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And it's a very common, unfortunate belief

in this industry and financial advising.

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To view your client's money as

your own, that blows my mind.

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And so when he looked at my parents

situation, um, he saw the money that

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would have gone to that insurance policy

as reducing his overall commissions.

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And my family was grossly unprepared

for that day when I was 25, when

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my dad suffered that stroke.

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It was just supposed to be routine

surgery and he was never the same.

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And so not only Did I have my dad's

businesses to run after his stroke?

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I also had the operation

surrounding the health, um, costs.

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And my mom was, she was so broken by

seeing her husband go through this

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that she couldn't get out of bed.

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And I mean, my dad knew that, you

know, my mom has other talents and

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money management is not one of them.

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So I was trained.

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To step into his shoes and thank

God that he had prepared me.

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Um, it was still very hard and thank

goodness they had resources, but

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this transition was made so much more

difficult because that advisor was only

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invested in their, uh, insurer, sorry.

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It was only concerned

about their investments.

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And a lot of people are not aware that

a financial advisor generally isn't

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really concerned with personal finance,

with budgeting and insurance products.

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What a financial advisor, that's

actually a protected term, and

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it is, um, essentially means

that you sell investments.

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So investments are just a very

small part of the pie of your

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overall financial well being.

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There's insurance

products that go into it.

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There's budgeting.

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There's, you know, how are

you doing your mortgage?

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There's so many things that

you need to be building out as

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you're doing these investments.

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An estate plan or any type of life

transition plan that, um, financial

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advisors are not really focused on.

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And thankfully I think there's been

some slight changes, but I've been

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doing this for eight, nine years.

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And, um, I have to say, Getting good

financial advice may not come from

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necessarily a financial advisor.

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They're very much so trained

in investment management.

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So you have to be very mindful that

when you're asking for help, you're

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asking the right person to, okay.

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I have to say a couple of things.

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First of all, Your dad, what an amazing

man, what an amazing father, and I can't

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help but think how proud he would be

that you're using what he taught you,

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you know, and you're helping people and

you saw something go not quite right.

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And now you're doing something

about it, but I, I can't help

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but ask, it makes me nervous.

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So what do you do?

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We don't have a financial advisor.

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We've always done it on our

own, but like, we're not really.

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You know, we kind of like

stick it in the 401k.

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We got some stock.

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Um, I'm not really great about finances.

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Like, who do you go to?

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Who, how do you find

someone that you trust?

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Well, you interview a lot of

people and you find somebody that

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meets your goals and alignment.

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Um, I think it's important to,

to have someone that's trained.

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Not just investments, but they maybe

have a certified financial planning

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designation, but more importantly, now

this is kind of going into the weeds.

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If you are working with an independent

broker, I've been at mutual of Omaha and

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Morgan Stanley, and now I'm independent.

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And when I was at mutual of Omaha

and Morgan Stanley, I was locked

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into selling their products.

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And so unfortunately what that meant.

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Is that my clients, they might've been

better served by an independent agent

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that had access to the open marketplace

and all of the bells and whistles, right?

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Um, when I was at Morgan Stanley, they

didn't have any long term care insurance.

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They are an investment management company.

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So they had, um, a vendor that would

sell That product, but you know,

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their incentive structure is not

really set up to have the advisors

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do this holistic plan because their

business model is very specifically

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centered on investment returns.

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So you need to know how, like what

your constraints, if you are working

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with a money manager, what they are.

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And oftentimes, um,

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people don't make, not to

use a blanket statement, but

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there's a lot people could do on

their own if they just Set some

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time up and you know, I, I always

encourage people to get on the same

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page with their spouse now than later.

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It's not even a divorce, right?

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But most people are not aware.

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It's either your spouse is

going to die, you know, and you,

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you're going to be single again.

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Hopefully it's in a very long time.

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But it's either a divorce or a death,

and it's the same transition, except

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with a death, you don't have the other

person to ask where the information is,

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and I have done some estate navigations

where, you know, the benefactor, he

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didn't keep any like a paperwork, and so

you have to go back and reconstruct What

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all of the assets are that you guys own.

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And so having courageous conversations

with your spouse, you know, what,

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you know, what do we actually like,

what do we own and what do we owe?

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And is there anything important that,

you know, you need to tell me if you

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stepped on God's bus tomorrow, you

know, do you have a password backup?

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You know, all of these little things

that you kind of take for granted as

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a part of your everyday operations

right now, they are so much more

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complicated and challenging if

you don't have that person around.

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So taking some time to.

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get on the same page with your spouse.

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So the last thing, like I think

anybody wants to deal with if they're

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grieving their spouse is money,

unfortunately, but with a state

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navigations, you're on a timetable.

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Um, and so you have to go

through the reporting process.

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You have to file paperwork with the state.

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You have to file a tax return

generally within six months.

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And so oftentimes, especially

for women, We're grieving

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the loss of our relationship.

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And then the attorney generally

comes in and is like, Hey, I

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need you to do X, Y, and Z.

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And they don't even know where to begin.

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So, yeah, you're speaking my language.

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And this is exactly what I wanted to talk

about because I want to empower people and

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I have friends that kind of don't care.

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They kind of don't want to

know, but you know what?

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You probably need to.

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You have to know.

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Yes.

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Otherwise, what's going to happen is

you're going to have the most expensive

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estate navigation on the face of

the planet because you're starting

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at complete scratch and you're also

going to be dealing with all of your

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emotions that are going alongside of it.

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And it, is going to just

be incredibly overwhelming.

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So it's challenging, but if you

don't take advantage of communicating

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with your spouse now, you will

most certainly pay for it later.

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Yeah.

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And you know, even as I'm thinking

about it, women are smart cookies and

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they, you know, they can have a say.

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In finances and in your retirement.

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And so I feel like, you

know, it's interesting.

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My husband is just like,

you take care of it.

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I don't want to look at it.

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And yet I have no, I can't

see any of his information.

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You know, it's just always a big mess.

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Like what's in the 401k, how can I get

this money out for this kid in college?

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You know, it's, it's always a mess.

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So, so we try to work together.

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I feel like.

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I'm trying to kind of budget

things and I have no idea where

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the hell it's coming from.

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You know, it's really interesting.

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And, but then I also think.

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He doesn't know how to pay a bill.

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He doesn't have any of my passwords.

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He doesn't know.

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So, you know, even as I'm thinking

of this for me and yeah, like, so

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I'm going to terrify everybody.

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So like the, once the bank knows

that your spouse is dead and

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their social security number is

inactive, they freeze the account.

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Right.

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And so you have to wait to get a death

certificate, which sometimes it can

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take 30 days, 60 days if they're backed

up to get that death certificate.

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And if that person died under,

um, suspicious circumstances,

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it could be even longer.

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Okay.

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Let me ask.

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So if they die in your joint on

the account, you can still get in.

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Yeah, it depends on how it's

set up, but generally, yes.

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But

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any asset that is held specifically

in their name, there is going to be an

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operational process that you're going

to have to go through in order to access

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that money or those, uh, those assets.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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So let's kind of help the like

everyday woman like me, because even

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though I'm, you know, educated, it's

just not been something that I put.

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a lot into.

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So, or for like my good friend

who's like, I don't even want to

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just tell me what I can spend.

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I'm fine.

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And she's so, she's such a darling.

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I love that about her.

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But so let's say we're going to

start looking into this more.

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And I, like I said, I have

a little more information.

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So what I have started doing is, I

send my husband a report on, cause

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I'm like, I need you with me on this.

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I don't want to, you know, I want to know.

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So I, this is what we have, this is what

we're spending, this is what's coming up.

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And then I'll just mail,

email that off to him.

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Hopefully he'll look at it.

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Right.

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So for, so that's like my first step or

for those women to just get a look at what

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you're spending and how much is coming in.

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And what's a little goofy, my

husband's income fluctuates.

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I don't have like a,

it's always different.

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Sometimes I'm like, I like those

games, and then sometimes I'm

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like, Ooh, I got those too.

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So now as I age, I'm starting to go,

okay, I don't want it to be quite so

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sparse on those, you know, months.

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So, so just kind of getting,

you know, and sometimes you're

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not really gonna know, right?

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So getting some a little

packed, you know, put it away.

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So that you're ready for

the lower pay months.

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But so just go through, know what's

coming in, kind of have your budget, know

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what's going out, just like you would,

if you were getting divorced, kind of,

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really, I mean, okay, here's the thing.

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Money can do so many things for you.

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And really you should be having

your money have multiple jobs.

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So what that means is, okay, let's

say you want to save money, but

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instead of just keeping it in account,

have it be in a high yield savings

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account or something like that, you

know, put your money to work for you.

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And I think a lot of us

have a ton of subscriptions.

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Yes.

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You know, oftentimes, We forget to

cancel things and that 50 a month

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subscription adds up to being, you know,

considerable amount of money each year.

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So if you're able to reallocate how

you're using your money, you can actually

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start living a more aligned, a life

that's more authentic to yourself.

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So we grow up in America.

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So everything is about consumption

and using materialism as a

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way to regulate our emotions.

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If you are aware of that, for me, when I

was dealing with Voldemort, I had a closet

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full of black bags and it was because

I was so miserable with him that I was

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looking for positive dopamine sources

and that came in the form of them all.

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So I would go buy myself a black bag and

it, you know, made me happy for those

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15 seconds, but then I put it right next

to an almost identical bag next to it.

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So it wasn't until one day I walked

in and I'm like, Oh my God, this is

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like a mausoleum to all of the, my

feelings, all of my repressed emotions.

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This is where they are.

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Perfectly coordinated in all these bags.

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Oh my gosh.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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So So this is what I like too,

Victoria, is you're so positive

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with the things that you say.

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And there was something else that I

can't remember, but you said money

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can do so many things for you.

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Let's.

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Start holding on to that belief

instead of, I'm so afraid.

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I don't, you know, I

don't want to spend it.

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I don't, you know, so I like that.

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I like that positive mindset.

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Well, and it really like goes down

to our childhood trauma, right?

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This impacts your relationships

and divorce, but also it

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impacts how you use money.

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And most of us have essentially, there's

three types of main childhood wounds.

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Abandonment, uh, validation,

and, um, betrayal.

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And so how this shows

up is how you use money.

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For me, I was using money as a

way to validate, but also as a

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way to counteract the feelings

of abandonment that I was having.

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And there was a lot of

betrayal in there too.

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And so I started using my money

for everybody else but me.

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I, you know, stereotypical, like I

had a very ratty bra and underwear

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that like I needed to throw out,

but I'm like, God forbid, I spent a

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hundred dollars and get some new duds.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And so, you know, it's,

Giving myself permission.

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And while I was raised in a

very privileged household,

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my mom was constantly telling

me, it's my money not yours.

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And so there was a few incidents

in my childhood where I, I saved up

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and I bought this really beautiful

bracelet and my mom made me return it

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because she didn't like me, you know,

doing that in front of my cousin.

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So the narrative that

I had in my mind was.

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I, even though I can make money,

I can't spend it on myself.

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And so that has been a narrative I

have had to go in and change where

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yes, I can make money and I can

also use it to take care of myself.

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Right.

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So confronting these hard beliefs,

um, and then something I think a lot

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of us probably do and not know it,

but I, um, when I was going through

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my separation with Voldemort, I.

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Had been giving and giving and giving, and

there was no, nothing left to give for me.

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I needed, there was nobody in my

corner and I needed to have some

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type of positive human interaction

where someone else was serving me.

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And it wasn't until I realized I was going

to Starbucks four fricking times a day,

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that that was how I was meeting that need.

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The, there was nobody to hand

me a cup of coffee at home.

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If anything, he was going to

pour the hot coffee on me.

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And I had to go outside to find

any type of positive interaction.

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And so instead of like taking a

step back and realizing, okay,

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this is a bad relationship and

I need to build a community.

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I was outsourcing that to Starbucks and

I'm so grateful for those baristas, but

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it, you know, I needed that caffeine.

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Maybe not four different

espresso drinks a day.

422

Yeah.

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And I see this a lot in

my, my clients as well.

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We give, give, give, give,

give to everybody else.

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And we just need a small token

of validation and appreciation.

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And that generally comes

in the Starbucks line.

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And okay.

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So what I'm kind of hearing is if

you can become aware of that and

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really look at what you're spending

it on, maybe you can meet that need.

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Okay.

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somewhere else in a more healthy way.

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That's actually going to fulfill you.

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Amen.

434

Amen.

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I feel like, okay, this is a great

place to stop because it's interesting.

436

I mean, I, I think I could talk to you

for days and days and days because I would

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love to talk to you more about childhood

trauma, but maybe we can schedule another

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one because I actually just took a course.

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on core wounds.

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And so I feel like I might be, we

might be leaving people hanging a

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little bit, but I'd like to talk about

that more if we can schedule another

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podcast and talk, talk about childhood

trauma and how that is affecting how

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you're dealing with finances now.

444

Yeah, well, absolutely.

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And we can go into, um, how to

create a mindful spending practice.

446

That's what I need.

447

Yes!

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Okay, Victoria.

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I am gonna, yeah, I'm gonna try to have

you back for that, but I have to, I

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can't believe how fast this has gone.

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I can't believe how much I've

learned, and I just am so grateful.

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I just love getting to know you

better, and I love learning from

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you, and I just feel like this is,

this is Such a blessing in my life.

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So thank you.

455

Thank you for being here.

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I just love your energy and I'm so

grateful for the platform to share

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some of my hard won experience.

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So hopefully listeners can

expedite that learning curve and

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avoid all the mistakes I made.

460

That's the plan.

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That's the plan here at Saddle Up Live.

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So thank you so much.

463

You take good care.

464

Thank you so much, Lisa.