Key Takeaways
How do cross cultural couples navigate time apart? How does growing up with different family and society expectations impact a couple’s relationship? As Pesa and Whitney Shayo share their cross cultural marriage story and how they learned to understand each other, much of what they share can be extremely valuable for couples who spend time apart.
- Learn emotional connection
This is one of the biggest takeaways of our conversation. Pesa shares that he grew up in an environment that did not emphasise emotional connection. As he was working multiple jobs to provide for his family, he thought he was being a great husband and provider. His wife, meanwhile, needed emotional closeness and it led to her suggesting separation.
“It hit me, and that's when I really paused and I started listening because I was able to understand that as much as I'm working and doing the right thing, I'm about to lose my family. And I was able to start listening. And that's when I started this journey of being able to understand that there's another version of life, which is you need to also be there emotionally.”
- “What you think is right might not be what somebody else thinks is right even if you have the best of intentions.”
Also a very important point that Pesa and Whitney highlight. This needs to be the starting point of every interaction and a mindset: what I think is right and what my spouse/partner thinks is right may not be the same
- If you are in an argument, do something to ‘take it down a notch’
“For the husband listening to this, one of the hings that has really helped me when it comes to repair is being more agreeable. If you feel like you are being attacked, sometimes you can say ‘I see your point, I really see your point, so I'll start working on that right now’. This avoids the back and forth and the escalation of the argument
- Seek a United Front
Whether answering a demand from the in-laes, or taking a parenting decision, “we always look at it from the lens of united front. When we talk about united front, we basically mean that we are not saying we are not arguing, or we are not saying that we don't disagree. We are saying that we will have that private time to have this conversation first.”
The United Front Audit focuses on five areas. It reveals where your marriage unity is strong, where it is cracking and what to do next based on your situation.
- Loyalty alignment
- Shared Game Plan
- Boundary Strength
- Conflict Patterns
- United Front
The Shayos are authors, speakers, and co-founders of Live Your Best Marriage. Drawing from over 22 years of cross-cultural marriage, they provide faith-rooted resources and a "United Front Blueprint" to help couples navigate cultural differences, in-law pressure, and communication hurdles.
Explore the United Front Audit and download tools for couples at Live Your Best Marriage (liveyourbestmarriage.com)
