Shownotes
Beth Allison, Licensed life coach & Caregiver Coach, joins us to discuss the ins and outs of being a long term care giver. She shares her ideas on when to prepare for these decisions and the type of help that is available to caregivers.
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Transcripts
Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast. Today we have with us a special guest. Her name is Beth Allison. Beth is a caregiving coach, and Beth provides a safe harbor for those navigating life's turbulent water. She supports those experiencing life transitions so that their journey is easier.
::And with intention, I'm really happy to have you here, Beth. And I'm.
::I'm excited to share what you're doing with the audience.
::Because I, as we were talking about before the show started, I I really have had recently had personal experience with, Oh my gosh, now what do I do that, you know, totally deer in the headlights moment that I think a lot of people experience when.
::You know, they they have older loved ones or even, you know, kids, kids are having problems. Parents are getting it from both sides.
::So, absolutely. And it's well, thank you. It is really great to be here.
::So welcome to the show.
::As you said you know, for you it was one of those sudden things that was not on your radar at the time. You know, it could be that somebody ends up caring for a loved one because of a.
::Car accident. You know a sporting injury or you, you just never know. And then they're in the role of caregiver and it's.
::To your point, deer and headlights don't know what to do and you just go into motion and doing.
::Truly, you're doing the best that you can with what you know in that situation. But there are things to think about, especially if you have a clue that it's coming.
::Yeah. And that's this really kind of two situations. One, when you see it coming and one when you don't and if you're if you're caught in the.
::The place where you don't see it coming, and all of the sudden you're thrust into a caregiver position. There's so many things that you have no idea about, and if you're older, like and and I'm, I'm going to have to relate this to the experience that I just went through with my father.
::In law, I'm.
::64 and I'm not able to like do the manhandling that's required to take care of another adult human being.
::And it just takes some physical strength to be able to do some of these things. But there are tips and tricks and I I had fortunately Hospice come by and they're like, do it this way. These are the tools we use to make these things easier and.
::You know, just basic care is can be overwhelming.
::And one is to your point is that physical part of the caregiving, right? Of moving the individual? The other part is.
::There's an emotional part of it which I think people.
::Hide away. They tuck it away, which is very important. And you know, for my situation that has led me to doing this coaching as my mom had Alzheimer's.
::My dad was the primary caregiver and you know, there were things that came up. I didn't know what her wishes were.
::She and my dad had had this conversation, so I trusted that he knew, and I did trust him. I didn't.
::Think he was?
::He's not the type of person to change it so that it works for him best, because if that was the case, I don't think he would have kept her at home as long as he did. But.
::He and I both took my mom to one of her appointments and the doctor is, you know, looking at her skin. And they're saying she really needs to bathe more, right? Her skin is very fragile, and we acknowledge that my mother had become fearful of water.
::And so I had shame, and I had guilt when I looked at my dad and said I can't make her.
::And I said, do you have enough trouble getting her dressed?
::And explaining to her why that she needs to get dressed, I said there.
::Are people who?
::Can come in and do that. That's what they do. So I was one afraid of when she got stubborn, she would get very rigid and I would be afraid to drop her right or hurt her in some way.
::The other was that wasn't the relationship I wanted to have with my mom.
::Right, so I've learned and I looked at my father after I told him about that with my mom. I said, by the way, I'm not going to be able to do it for.
::You either so.
::Let's just get that out of the way and he understood. But you know, there's this things like, well, how many diapers did she change? How many, you know, snotty noses. Did she wipe?
::Right. And I can't.
::Help her bathe, which is something that she needs, but.
::One of the things that I talked to people about is that.
::It's not that it's not the best care that you're able to give, but it may not be the best care that your loved one needs.
::Right.
::And and being.
::Able to accept help from other areas.
::And knowing what's available to you.
::That's huge, right?
::And like I I talked with people all over the country and I've talked to some outside of the US and so I don't know the specific resources that are always available, but I can guide them to places where they could find out, you know, where to start to check. Everybody thinks that they don't have time.
::Not saying do it all at once, right? Take 15 to 30 minutes one day and go and just Google whatever.
::It is, I can tell you Alzheimer's Association is great, but because it was sort of.
::We saw it progressing, but we had we were in denial for so long that when the time.
::Came. It was.
::Flat out and when I looked at.
::The site I was like.
::I I don't even think I spent 2 minutes because there was so much information, right? So first, just go and find out where there are some resources. Then go back when you have the right frame of mind and those types of things and and some people are good with online.
::There are some people who would prefer prefer in person, so I started attending some of their events and going that way as opposed to the online.
::So it's there's a lot you can do, but I think that we all live in denial until we are put in the position that we no longer can be in denial.
::It it's such a shame because there.
::You're when you're at the gate, it's like.
::You have to you have to spring into action and there's there's all these little things that you you mentioned, you know, changing diapers and wiping noses and that you felt the guilt of that. But she was a young when you were, she was doing that and B.
::You were little big difference between doing that for somebody who's who's large, they're the same size or larger than you, and even though they may be frail, they still their body mass is big and it takes.
::Strength and.
::It's. I've changed a million diapers easily in my lifetime for little kids, but when I had to change a diaper on my father-in-law, it was a totally different experience. A he was humiliated. I honestly think that it it's. It was the moment he decided.
::No, I'm done with this. I'm going on.
::You could just see it in his eyes. He was just horrified.
::I I did not believe my mother would want that either. Right? There was this part. Like she didn't want that type of relationship, but she didn't want me.
::To have to.
::Do that right and.
::You know, my dad got it. So we did bring people in, I said. And also dad. The other thing is so she.
::Can get really roar and mad.
::But they're going to leave.
::At the end of their shift.
::And they've learned how to leave it.
::At work.
::Right, I said. And you're not going to have to take the brunt of it, right? She may be angry that you allowed somebody to come into the house, you know, they're going to be these other things, but not.
::That and so those are the things that trying to find the things where other people can help. And you touched on it as well and accept it right. People feel that these are my parents. I've got to do it. It's my responsibility. Just suck it up and do it.
::Right and.
::Maybe you are the only one and and maybe in your situation you do have to do it for whatever everybody's situation is different and that's how I work with my clients to try to.
::Be able to.
::Let them know and show them that there are options.
::But let's not spend a lot of time on options that aren't.
::An alignment with what you can do.
::Right. So you know in home care can become.
::Very costly as can facility care, right? And so when you're looking at that and having to like understand the financials.
::Right of your loved one, and especially if they're older, if they're not your dependent, right. So talking about, you know, do they have long term care insurance, right. Do they only have they saved anything for this type of situation that.
::Then takes the universe of options and narrows it.
::You know as to what it could be, so I liken it to when you're looking to buy a house and you have $250,000, that's your budget. You do not want the agent showing you a $300,000 house. You can't afford it, and now everything's going to be.
::Measured against that.
::Yeah. And you're going to be disappointed.
::Right. So you never want to go into the?
::Private pay facility.
::That doesn't take Medicare, and you've already gone through and then you start talking about the financials and they're like, well, we're.
::You know private pay and we don't take Medicare. Well, you one, you've just wasted time which you don't have because you've got so much on your plate, right. And the other is everything. Now that's going to measure up is going to seem.
::Not good enough, right? So with all that.
::And there are three. There are free resources. Are there resources that you know, like Hospice?
::Was Social Security or Medicare one of those two paid for it, and it was insanely helpful, I mean.
::One of them.
::Well, and there's also understanding what Hospice is.
::So many feel like it's.
::The place that they go, they just medicate them until they pass. That's not. I'm not going to say that there aren't some hospices that do that right, but that's not the true intent of a Hospice, right? It's palliative care. It's to keep your loved one as comfortable as possible. You know, the other interventions.
::Aren't going to improve. It comes down to a quality of life, right? And some people.
::Move on that like, not move on on, but they they get better and.
::And they no longer need the Hospice.
::That has happened, but so many people don't even know that that they think like Hospice has to be the last thing.
::And Hospice isn't, and this.
::Was a shocker to me.
::Isn't necessarily in a facility. It's often in your home and they come to your home and they have different people that do different things and God, they're so helpful and.
::They're. Yes, they're so helpful for what needs to be done, but they.
::Also, have all these services that help the family right, you know during and even after you have those resources.
::And we, my mom ended up falling and breaking her hip and having to go into rehab. And while she was in rehab, she broke her other hip. So she had two surgeries in the last seven weeks of her life, but.
::It also happened at the pandemic, so we couldn't go in, so we.
::One of the driving factors for us is because we couldn't see how she was, Hospice served as eyes and ears for us.
::At that time. But they also see things that the family member or whatever, wouldn't see.
::Right there.
::They're watching the breathing. They're right. They're in tune with some of these things. They can read a chart and know the medications and what they're doing. The people that come in.
::And a friend of mine.
::Her husband, unfortunately, passed last year.
::And he wanted to be at home. They knew that he was really, but they discharged him from the hospital. He went home, Hospice came in. And she was like, it was a godsend.
::Right. And just there it.
::Gave a sense of calm, too, for her. Like there are people, there are skilled people, people who know what to be looking out for that don't have that emotional part like you're going to overreact. And like, really like you just, you know.
::Had some gas right. And you're thinking, oh, my God, it it. Whatever.
::Call the GAL at 3:00 in the morning.
::I think this is a death rattle. Can you listen? I mean, that's.
::I didn't know. I don't know what it sounds like. I don't know what I should be doing. It is. Is there something else going on here that.
::Maybe I could do differently and they're like, yeah, it's that's probably it.
::And they listen to us.
::For an hour, talk about how we were sure he was going.
::To get better.
::Yeah. And they're like, well, he might. And, you know, and you need that kind of.
::That night.
::Hope. Yeah, you do. And you need that support of somebody who's not gonna, you know.
::Shatter your hope there. There comes a you know a time when you're like, OK it.
::It is.
::Happening and but you know, there's so much that I know now, especially from the dementia perspective, that I wish I had known when I was going into it. And even some of the things that I've learned along the way through my.
::Networking and things like that. I know a lot of care providers, all the different ones.
::And they I continually learn, right? So I can share that and that's why I do what I do, because I can. It's not going to be easy. What whether it's dementia, it's cancer, it's a stroke, whatever it is, right.
::That journey is not going to be easy, but it can be made easier and you know about a year and a half later, my brother and I, after my mom passed and my father and I moved from Connecticut to Virginia. My brother and I had a conversation with my dad and said, OK.
::Let's just talk about your independent living now.
::Right. And you know you're doing that, but what should we be looking for when you think it's time for you to have some more help? And what does that help look like?
::Right. And ohh let's review your he happens to have a long term care policy.
::Let's look at that so we know what the options are and then we can go and look at some places, but we it was, it's a difficult conversation.
::And I.
::Selfishly wanted to have it because when that time comes for him to go into assisted living, he first wants him in home and then assisted living when it's more medical.
::I won't feel as guilty when that time comes. As I said, won't feel as guilty and I'm going to, he remembers being part of the conversation. So he's not as angry.
::Because he's not going to want to go. I know he's not. Nobody likes to lose their independence.
::Right. But at the end of the day?
::For their safety, their security for their well-being, and by the way, for the caregivers sanity, you know that there's somewhere there there that you know, maybe you're not jumping every time the phone rings, maybe only every other time that the phone rings.
::Right. Because you know you somewhere where people are taking care of them and that type of thing.
::Yeah, as long as my father-in-law was alive, he he had congestive heart failure for a.
::Lot of years.
::And he was getting he lived on his own. He lived about an hour from us in a house, was a little house that he he really couldn't take care of. So my husband would go up his son.
::Once a week and have lunch with them and do what needed to be done around the house.
::But he didn't. He wasn't. He's a very.
::He's a very private person, and though he lived with us for a lot of years, he lived with us almost 20 years when my kids were young and the last were five years of his life, he he had this place that he wanted to live in by himself, so he was.
::He he just was increasingly not able to do stuff for himself. Yeah. And then then he got COVID, and that was the end. But.
::But I you know, I I honestly thought he was going to bounce back. He was just that kind of person, but he he didn't want to talk about all of those things and.
::Just like you're living by yourself up here in a town where you really don't know anybody and you're a grumpy old man and people don't want to be your friend and.
::It in contrast with that my own father lives in a community. He's 88 and he's.
::Well, he's going to be 88 next month. We're going to.
::1st birthday but.
::He has long term health or care insurance and he has he has an art studio and we have conversations. He's like, yeah, it's all set up. The blueprints are up here. Your sister knows where they are.
::If I need, you know, a lot of help, just get that converted. He's got the money to do it. Turn it into a A a room. He has bathroom like all the plumbing is in there to turn it into an actual granny flat.
::Move somebody in there and they can take care of me in my home for as long as I can stay here and then you know.
::There's long term facilities I live in and he lives in an area where there's good quality care and and you know he can be old and he can. He still drives and stuff. I mean, he's really I I expect him to live to be 90 or long or longer. I mean, he's just like.
::That's my dad.
::He's got all his marbles. He's active his the community is like, yeah, he has his own house. But in this compound, everybody's always, like, dropping by and they're off doing stuff and playing bocci ball and.
::Ohh and.
::That's the other thing that I think.
::People lose sight of they feel that the best places at home because and.
::Like your father-in-law.
::Didn't want to go anywhere else, right? That they wanted to be. But that socialization part, it's like my dad is 88. He's still driving. He's in the independent living he has.
::His social life is much more than mine. He there's something at the community every day. The weekends are a little slow, but.
::He's active, he's got people to talk to. People will know if he's not there. My brother and I happen to both be out of the country for we overlapped trips for a few days and I'm like, you let people know that we're not around, right? He's like, Yep. But I also know that even if he didn't tell them.
::If they didn't see him walking, they.
::He's the man walking all the time. You know, somebody would go and check on him, right? You just know that. So I, you know.
::My brother and I, we prefer one of us to be around, you know? But it just happened that when we scheduled our trips, we didn't think of the overlap and it worked out fine. And you know, he doesn't want us to have to, you know, feel like we need to be here. We don't right now.
::If my dad, when we first moved down here, we were both living in this condo because he was waiting for an apartment to open up where he's at and it came time for him to leave. And you know, he was not sure he wanted to. And he was like, but I'll miss you. And I said.
::I know, and I and I wish you, but it's not going to get any easier.
::Well, it's going to actually get harder for you.
::To go, I said. But just let's go look at it.
::And if you really don't like it and you're really not ready, I'm not going to make you.
::And he went and he made the decision. And he will say now that he knows he's much happier there than he would have been in this condo. And in this complex. So.
::It's just having the ability to interact with other people and do stuff it, it's.
::And he just felt if he went into one, he's like I I don't want to go and.
::Down and eat.
::Dinner with everybody. I am like you don't have to. There's a complete kitchen if you want to cook.
::Not sure I'd be signing up for the meal plan myself. Probably right. I said. You can go down if you want and spend the I think it's up to $12.00 for the dinner, right? It's it's not crazy, but he'd rather.
::Cook his own meal. So he, I said you can, I said you're not for. It's not as like if you are an assisted living, right, there are some parameters there. You're not going to have a full kitchen. You might have a microwave or something like that. And so then once he understood that, but again, he only knew.
::From the experience with his his parents right of the home and and how that worked. And that's the thing that I always tell people not to say that the generation such as, you know, your dad's nursing home.
::As a, you're just putting me out to pasture, is how that is interpreted by that generation and it's it's not that way. Some of these places are gorgeous.
::Oh yeah.
::We might. That's where we moved my father-in-law to.
::When we.
::We moved into a smaller home and my sons bought our old home that he was living with us in and we found this great place.
::For him to stay, and it was, it was an independent living facility and they had great food and lots of stuff to do. But and his apartment was really nice and had a balcony and a kitchen. And we were bringing him food on top of that. And my husband was doing stuff with him. But he just was like.
::Nope, I'm not doing this and he went and bought another house. He bought a house an hour away. It's like, well, OK, dad.
::The banks getting the house back because you know, they were stupid enough to lend him the money. He could deal with freaking house.
::You know.
::I think he'd still be alive if he had just stayed there and.
::You know.
::At some point we all need to learn how to accept help from other people, and we were talking earlier about.
::You know, accepting help and finding help to care for your your loved ones that you're having to care for, but.
::We are aging too, and we need to recognize that hey.
::Our kids are going to need to hire people to help us too and be good about it. Don't.
::Yeah, it's it's crazy. I.
::I have a client and his wife is in the early stages of the Alzheimer's and you know he and I are talking and like.
::You need to take care of you.
::Right. And do things for yourself. And he shared with me that he's told, I guess, like 3 neighbors has gone pretty much explained what's going on so that they're aware. And they've offered the help.
::And you know, it's so many people, like, oh, that's so nice. But then they don't accept it. And so I yeah, he really wants to go and work the polls for the election. That's something that he's done for years and would like to do it. I said then I would ask them to see if they can.
::You know, working. It's a full long day. It's like a thing like a 16 hour day for him to do.
::That I'm like, see if they'll.
::Do rotation, I said. You know, they may say no, but I said accept whatever it is I said. And by the way, the sooner that you accept some help, the easier it will be to accept it each time, and it will be easier for them, you know, to be willing to say hey.
::You know, I could sit with, you know, vary for X amount of time if that would, you know, help you.
::Because they'll feel like you will receive it, because once people offer it and you know I got it. No, I got. They're going to stop.
::Yeah. And it's not that they don't want to help, but you've refused it and they don't know what.
::Right.
::They can do, right? You have to.
::Tell them how they can help you know if it would help. I know that the neighbors.
::Around my dad, he'd get these. Call. Hey, I just made some chili and there's way too much, you know? Would you like some? He's like, I never say no to food. And so right. And I don't think that they made too much. They may have made too much or they intentionally made too much so that my dad didn't have to.
::Yeah, right. And so he would accept those things. So he didn't really accept people coming in and sitting with my mom and that kind of thing. But that's why I told my client. I said the sooner you.
::Except it's going to get easier for you to accept and you'll get more comfortable with them, with your wife and your wife, will it will seem normal that they're coming over.
::Right and not.
::Because that's the thing nobody. People stopped visiting my parents at their.
::But they didn't know if it was a good time or what. You know, somebody says, hey, I'd like. Well, they usually these times are good, right? So tell them when would be a good time. You know sundowning not a great time to come you know. But earlier in the day midday.
::And those are the things that I kind of help people go through and think about and just where are they on the continuum?
::You know what things to put in place? And so when the time comes to make some of those.
::Difficult decisions.
::You can make them more informed decision.
::And it's not like.
::Put there.
::You're not having to make them on the fly. You can give them some thought, and if they're really emotional decisions for you, and sometimes they are very emotional decisions that you're making.
::You can you can look at them a little at a time. It's like if you're, if you're experiencing bouts of.
::Dementia or Alzheimer's, with somebody that you love and or that you have somebody that you love that has cancer and it's it's progressing, but it's not real aggressive yet and they're still able to do stuff for themselves. That's the time to reach out to Beth, when.
::When you can start preparing for the moment that.
::The transition is going to happen where you're going to have to do more and more or you know if you've got older parents having a conversation with her about, you know, what can you expect because we're.
::All going to die.
::You know, there's just.
::Yeah, right. Do you know, you know, there's and then there's the whole, you know, documentation side, you know, the advanced directive, the will, you know who.
::The power of attorney for the finances. Who's the power of attorney for the medical decisions? Right. There's all these things.
::Do they have a place to be laid to rest?
::Do they want to be married? Do they want to be cremated? Right? It it's.
::Yeah, nobody wants to talk about that, but we're all.
::Going to pass, right? That's inevitable. And especially if you know of somebody who does have dementia, Alzheimer's or something like that, having the conversation sooner when they really.
::We can be aware they're not going to remember down the road.
::They're not going to remember that you.
::That they said yes. I want to go into a memory care facility. I don't want to be at home say that that's what it is. Right? And so you do that, they're going to be angry. They're not going to remember, but you're going to know.
::When they were able to have.
::That rational thinking, that's what they wanted.
::Right. And so it takes some of the pressure off. It is kind of more and you don't just jump in and there's, you know how you do it is again, I mentioned earlier, it's for their well-being, it's for their safety and security, right for those who.
::The memory.
::If they need to go into a memory care that memory care unit is locked down because a lot of dementia patients are Wanderers.
::Little kids that are sleepwalking.
::Right. And it just is, you know even?
::My the house that my parents were in.
::There was a door to the basement and.
::My mother was occasionally going into.
::Different rooms, like thinking she was going to the bathroom she'd go.
::And I'm like Dad, I think you need to put a lock on that. She's like, well, she never goes to the basement. I said that's not why I'm saying it, I said.
::If she thinks that's the bathroom.
::She called down those stairs.
::Opened the.
::Right. She opens the door and takes a step. She's going straight down. He's like, oh, he quickly. But those are the things that you're not thinking about, right. You've got so many other things that doctor's appointments, stuff, you know, getting them, getting her dressed, getting her bed. What's she going to eat today?
::That's sure.
::What? You're not going to eat today?
::You know, and making all the follow up phone calls and doing all these, there's so much that those things. My mother was not a flight risk. He did lock the door before he would leave. But she was very much a homebody, so it was not something that we were really concerned about.
::But we did also take some of those precautions and.
::And we, we were lucky. She made the determination when she didn't want her car anymore.
::That's really that's a big deal.
::Yeah. And my one of my nephews has it now. So we finally call it Judy.
::But yeah, I mean, if somebody's just starting out and they're wondering, right, and that's a good time to get in touch with me if you know, things are progressing and you feel like you're going to need to make some decisions, that is a, you know, good time, you know, and all part of it. It's not just the tactical and the logistics.
::There's also all these emotions, and it's a place to come and have those emotions validated. You know, I will go in and I will ask questions as to why, what, what was it that came?
::Up about it that caused that so that when the time comes you can better navigate through it.
::And just some, you know, I with my mom, I I tell people who have loved ones with dementia.
::I would watch what would trigger her, so I learned when she was in that.
::Place of knowing that she had the Alzheimer's but was in and out. If I said well, don't you remember?
::Yeah, just the word, remember? So I only when I tell this do I use the word, remember.
::I replaced it with recall.
::Because it's not, it's not so.
::It wouldn't trigger her.
::But there are some of those little tricks and you know.
::Just meet them where they are.
::You're going to make your life a heck of a lot calmer if you're not arguing with them, and that you know they ate that two hours ago and they say no, I didn't.
::I didn't have this. You. You just get it into arguments, but those are just some of the things. So there's the emotions. So there's the tactical, there's the logistics. You got to have a plan.
::So you have an idea as to where you're going. Everybody's situation is different. Again, you know, if it's not dementia, it could be the cancer or, you know, the stroke or or what ever the situation.
::So it is a passion of mine. I started out in the intro. You said life transitions and that really is the overall arching of my business.
::But this piece of it is.
::A passion.
::And it's like I said before, it's it's such an important.
::Endeavor to be undertaken. I mean, people really do need your kind of coaching out there. You're a life coach, you're certified life coach, so you have all the tools that you need to help somebody navigate a lot of the emotional components of.
::All of the different things that are going on and it's a lot when you start taking on another human being's life.
::Because you're you're basically having to do all the life skills for yourself and this other human being.
::Who's not able to do them anymore, but they still have all of these.
::All of these things that need addressing every day.
::Right there. You have. Sorry, you've got a you're taking on.
::The needs that they have.
::And fulfilling that and it comes on top of.
::An already full if not overflowing, wait.
::Whether you're working, you've got kids, you've got.
::A partner or spouse? Yeah, hobbies rent, right?
::So not only do you have the transition of caring for your loved one.
::You have the transitions of all those other things.
::Can you, if you were working full time, do you can you still or do you need to change that?
::Do you need?
::To move to be closer to your.
::Loved one. Or do you need to move them to you, right?
::And then how it impacts?
::The other family members have there. It's it truly is kind of a a domino and that's where.
::As much as I've got the caregiving continuum to help with that plan, which I think is really important for people to feel like they have a sense of control, they they don't. But they have a sense of control, right? No offense, people, but.
::You don't because.
::You don't know. We don't have a crystal ball.
::But logically this is the way that the caregiving would go. And So what are your options and what are the possible routes to go that way? And then I I support, you know, there's, you know, I life coaches call it growth work, but this really isn't growth.
::The fix is really kind of homework, right? It's some action items that you're going to do.
::And so, yeah, I kind of keep you accountable for those so that they don't get away from you because it's so easy.
::Life happens.
::But we yeah, we come up with.
::You know, three to five action items that feel reasonable between the you know, the week to two weeks in between sessions and really it's all.
::Truly directed by the client, and that's what they need at that time.
::That's awesome. And they can get a hold of you through your website. Why don't you go ahead and give that and I'll make.
::Sure that it's in the show notes. Yeah, it is within you, coaching.com and it's WITHIN the letter U.
::Coaching.com there is a way to get to the caregiving continuum that I spoke about that on the website as well as booking a free complimentary call that we can discuss what your situation is. And you know, if we're a good fit for each other and how perhaps I can support them on their.
::The journey.
::That's awesome. And what's the one thing that you hope that audience takes away from this conversation today?
::First and foremost is that they are not alone.
::And to live their life by design, not by default.
::It's so easy for us to just, well, this is what it is. And you know, just take it day by day when.
::We can craft our.
::We can craft our life more than that, and especially in a caregiving.
::You know you can. You can be part of the architect for where it's going.
::To go.
::Yeah, I like that a lot. It it offers hope in a situation that.
::People find themselves in and it's so easy to to feel like there is no hope. I I'm just like trapped and really, you don't have to be.
::You don't have to be and again.
::I spoke with a friend of mine recently and she's like, well, it's confirmed. I'm not a caregiver, you know? She was. She was off helping her dad. And she's like, ohh, yeah. No, I thought I could do this. She was like, this is really hard. But what she learned.
::Was that she called upon other family members so she would, I think. What did she do? Seven days on, two days off, 7 days on. So that worked for her. She got some time and rejuvenated to go back and do that. And since then they've.
::Found a facility that is really good for him and close to family and but that's one of the eye opening things that like this. I know this isn't.
::And people can sense that.
::Right. And so it's not a good experience for anybody and it's not.
::A good fit.
::So yeah, but there is hope today, as I said, you're not alone. It's just knowing.
::Where to find some people to help you along the way.
::And I'd love to be one of those people.
::That's us.
::Thank you so much for joining me today, Beth.
::Thank you, Jill. It's been a pleasure.
